Latest / Very Fine Friends / How to Get Away with Giraffe Murder

Transcript

How to Get Away with Giraffe Murder · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  so my dog had a bone and she always ends up swatting it under the couch and it's super annoying
• 0:22
  because it you have to get on the floor and like get it for her yeah and i don't know i had a
• 0:27
  stroke of genius like i just knew this was gonna work i heard her flick it under the couch and so
• 0:34
  i'm like okay i'll get it i looked under it was too far too far but i'm like the back scratcher
• 0:39
  can reach this so i was like dad he's in the other room he's like what i said call summer in there
• 0:47
  and hand her the back scratcher she'll bring it to me and i'll get the bone and he was like what
• 0:56
  And I'm like, you don't understand.
• 0:58
  I see this so clearly.
• 1:01
  Hand it to her.
• 1:01
  She'll take it.
• 1:02
  And she'll know to come back.
• 1:03
  And give it to me.
• 1:05
  I'll call her.
• 1:06
  Like, you call her.
• 1:07
  You give it.
• 1:07
  I call her.
• 1:07
  She comes.
• 1:09
  And she wouldn't do it.
• 1:11
  Oh, Summer.
• 1:12
  What are you doing?
• 1:13
  It was such a good plan.
• 1:15
  Oh.
• 1:16
  You know, it would have been helpful, too.
• 1:19
  You're fixing her problem.
• 1:21
  Right.
• 1:21
  You know what I'm doing.
• 1:22
  Yeah.
• 1:23
  You want this bone back or not, Summer?
• 1:26
  So I had to get my own broom and you know what that reminds me of?
• 1:29
  What?
• 1:30
  Some other story about a bone.
• 1:32
  Ooh.
• 1:35
  Welcome to Friends Like Us, the podcast where friends talk about stuff.
• 1:40
  I'm Jenna and next to me with a riveting cliffhanger is Francis.
• 1:46
  How are you, Francis?
• 1:47
  Oh, I'm doing great, Jenna, and happy to be here with you.
• 1:50
  Thank you.
• 1:51
  Thank you so much.
• 1:52
  quick interruption every week on the podcast our producer joe gives francis and i each our own
• 1:59
  secret word throughout the course of the podcast we need to find a way to slip the secret word
• 2:07
  into our conversation without the other person noticing if the other person can guess the secret
• 2:13
  word, they get a point. And right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize,
• 2:22
  whoever has the most points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 2:31
  Jenna's secret word is eerie. Francis's secret word is fingerprints. All right, back to the pod.
• 2:39
  uh now i need to know what other story of a bone does it remind you of okay you're gonna love this
• 2:45
  so my i would give my dog these big fat beefy marrow bones yeah it sounds like i'm trying to
• 2:52
  sell them i'm not um anyway she was like ignoring it but she like wanted attention and i was trying
• 2:58
  to get her like back on the bone and um so i went to like lightly kick it and i accidentally like
• 3:08
  launched it and my dad was sitting in a recliner and it hit his ankle bone like hard bone on bone
• 3:14
  and it hit him immediately and he and i knew like i threw my hands up like oh god like i just
• 3:21
  i just heard him and he couldn't even talk he was just like it was like crack and he was like
• 3:26
  like and i was like i know i know and he was like and i i just kept saying i know i know
• 3:35
  I'm sorry Dennis for laughing at your pain
• 3:38
  oh
• 3:39
  yeah it was a very and I was like I kept saying things like
• 3:42
  it's okay it's not broken I didn't know
• 3:44
  wait what noise did he make it
• 3:45
  he couldn't
• 3:47
  could not talk
• 3:50
  and I just know it hurts so bad
• 3:52
  um
• 3:59
  okay
• 4:02
  this is an advertisement for lazy boy recliners
• 4:06
  friends like us brought to you by big meaty bones
• 4:12
  things that make you go
• 4:17
  is it a sign that um i'm like too online that uh when you when you said you went to lightly kick it
• 4:32
  and my first thought was like that was a website.
• 4:34
  Dot com.
• 4:35
  Yeah.
• 4:36
  Oh, what is Lightly Kick It?
• 4:38
  Oh.
• 4:39
  Sounds interesting.
• 4:39
  We should check on that domain.
• 4:41
  Oh, yeah.
• 4:42
  It could be for things you want to like roast
• 4:43
  or talk badly about, but like not that bad.
• 4:48
  Yeah, you're just going to lightly kick it.
• 4:49
  Yeah.
• 4:50
  Yeah.
• 4:50
  Yeah.
• 4:51
  Or it's like soccer tutorials.
• 4:56
  What if it's just both
• 4:57
  and you never know what you're going to get?
• 4:58
  there's a new video every day.
• 5:02
  Yeah, we're definitely getting that domain.
• 5:03
  Okay, cool.
• 5:05
  Friends Like Us, brought to you by lightlykickit.com.
• 5:08
  Forward slash bone.
• 5:12
  Use promo code bigmeatybone.
• 5:19
  Speaking of promo codes,
• 5:23
  not really speaking of promo codes.
• 5:25
  It's a good segue.
• 5:25
  Thank you.
• 5:26
  I invented it just now
• 5:29
  and that's a good segue
• 5:31
  to our invention
• 5:33
  of the week
• 5:35
  inventions
• 5:38
  oh great
• 5:44
  you're going to love this
• 5:46
  alright
• 5:47
  is your word segue by the way
• 5:50
  no my word is not segue
• 5:53
  oh okay
• 5:54
  the folks listening at home
• 5:55
  we have our secret words given to us by our producer, Joe,
• 5:58
  and we have to see if we can guess when the other person says the secret word.
• 6:03
  Mine is not Segway.
• 6:04
  Okay.
• 6:04
  I should be punished.
• 6:05
  Vocally.
• 6:08
  Okay.
• 6:09
  Do better.
• 6:11
  All right.
• 6:11
  Well, I just don't go to my invention, I guess.
• 6:13
  No.
• 6:14
  All right.
• 6:14
  So you're going to love this.
• 6:17
  I'll just say right now it's inspired by Marty McFly.
• 6:20
  Okay.
• 6:20
  Of Back to the Future fame?
• 6:22
  Yes.
• 6:22
  Okay.
• 6:23
  um and it's a it's a bicycle concept okay okay so you know those bicycles that serious bikers have
• 6:35
  where they're like sitting down and bicycling wait is that all bikes oh yeah yeah yeah wait
• 6:45
  what bikes are the standing bikes no um where their butts close to the ground really close to
• 6:50
  the ground oh like the low like recumbent type bikes where your like legs are long in front of
• 6:55
  you yes i think so yes as opposed to like the kind that they were like lance armstrong exactly
• 7:02
  yes and you say those are the serious bikers not the lance armstrong bike
• 7:06
  listen i don't need to be attacked by the bicycling community i know they're all serious
• 7:12
  we can lightly kick them yes um i saw a picture and i'm confirming okay so uh so keep that in
• 7:20
  So you're sitting down.
• 7:21
  It's a bicycle.
• 7:22
  Maybe not laying so much, but like, you know, you're leaning back.
• 7:25
  Okay.
• 7:26
  Just trying to paint a picture.
• 7:27
  And it's a very comfortable seat.
• 7:30
  And you're in a steel ball.
• 7:33
  You get in.
• 7:34
  Okay.
• 7:34
  You get in and on the bicycle.
• 7:37
  Okay.
• 7:39
  If you want to hitch a ride with someone, you flip a switch so that you're not pedaling anymore.
• 7:46
  And you put it on a car's hitch.
• 7:47
  and now it's like a little trailer they can pull,
• 7:50
  but you're safe in the ball.
• 7:52
  Because of the metal cage.
• 7:54
  Yes.
• 7:55
  Okay.
• 7:55
  And if someone does hit you, you roll.
• 8:01
  I feel like that's safe.
• 8:04
  Why don't they make old cars like this, then?
• 8:06
  Like a complete circle?
• 8:08
  Yeah, like a hamster wheel or like a hamster ball.
• 8:11
  That's why hamsters ruined it.
• 8:15
  Hamsters ruin everything.
• 8:16
  I agree.
• 8:17
  Okay, so when you hitch, how does it stay so that the ball's not just flinging back and forth behind the car?
• 8:28
  Well, that takes physics that I don't know and can't explain.
• 8:32
  Okay.
• 8:32
  But it just like a trailer goes onto a hitch you know Yeah And the trailer fine You be fine in the ball Yeah but trailers have wheels so they kind of like in a straight like the wheels give them like a kind of track to go on
• 8:47
  Yeah, this has a wheel too.
• 8:49
  It has two wheels.
• 8:51
  And they're right underneath your butt.
• 8:55
  Okay.
• 8:55
  On the outside of the ball.
• 8:57
  Okay.
• 8:58
  So I want you to picture a big ball.
• 9:03
  I got it.
• 9:05
  I'm picturing it.
• 9:05
  Right on the bottom, two big wheels.
• 9:08
  Okay.
• 9:10
  That's it.
• 9:13
  Okay.
• 9:14
  So what it is for, it's great for exercise.
• 9:17
  You need to get across town, but you don't want to bike.
• 9:19
  Boom.
• 9:19
  You're on someone's truck.
• 9:21
  Is the big wheel detachable?
• 9:23
  Does it become, can you take that off?
• 9:26
  In which case, is the wheel the invention?
• 9:28
  Like, could you, like, wheel to put over or around your recumbent bike?
• 9:33
  Are you picturing, like, a tire around the entire thing?
• 9:37
  No.
• 9:38
  I'm picturing...
• 9:39
  Because that's interesting.
• 9:40
  I'm picturing, like, a hamster ball.
• 9:42
  Your giant tire is interesting.
• 9:45
  Yeah.
• 9:46
  No, no, I'm picturing, like, a hamster ball.
• 9:48
  Okay.
• 9:49
  Is that correct?
• 9:51
  And it's, yeah.
• 9:52
  And it's metal, a metal hamster ball.
• 9:55
  The bike is inside of it.
• 9:58
  And then there's a hitch on the front.
• 10:01
  Yeah.
• 10:02
  Okay.
• 10:02
  So it's great for exercise.
• 10:04
  It's great for travel.
• 10:05
  Wait, wait.
• 10:05
  Okay.
• 10:06
  But like, yes.
• 10:07
  All right.
• 10:07
  So you get hit.
• 10:08
  Let's say you get hit.
• 10:08
  And then you are spinning around, but it's a ball.
• 10:13
  So it like rolls around.
• 10:15
  Is the bicycle fixed to a certain point in the wheel?
• 10:19
  I think it would have to be, right?
• 10:21
  Yes.
• 10:21
  But once it detects a hit, it will detach.
• 10:24
  So you can roll freely.
• 10:25
  Okay.
• 10:26
  And you have the seatbelts.
• 10:27
  But then wouldn't you just be like,
• 10:28
  flying loose in the answer?
• 10:30
  Oh, for sure.
• 10:31
  Okay.
• 10:31
  Until you stop rolling.
• 10:33
  You'll be dizzy, but you'll be safe.
• 10:34
  Okay.
• 10:37
  All right.
• 10:37
  What is this invention called?
• 10:40
  I'm thinking...
• 10:45
  Dizzy, but safe?
• 10:47
  I think it needs to be like puncher than that.
• 10:49
  Like a one-two.
• 10:51
  You know, like ball bike.
• 10:55
  Ball bike?
• 10:56
  Yeah.
• 10:56
  Okay.
• 10:58
  Pedal metal.
• 10:59
  Ooh, that's pretty good.
• 11:01
  Pedal metal.
• 11:02
  What?
• 11:02
  Not hitch a ride.
• 11:03
  That's good.
• 11:05
  Hitch a ride is pretty good.
• 11:08
  Take me.
• 11:10
  Oh.
• 11:11
  And leave me.
• 11:13
  Hitch a ride works on multiple levels because it's hitch a ride,
• 11:17
  but also, like, if they hitch a ride, you're going to be okay.
• 11:22
  Hitch your ride?
• 11:23
  Yeah.
• 11:23
  Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 11:24
  Because someone statistically will be absolutely hit by one of these things.
• 11:29
  Probably most of the people using it will be hit.
• 11:31
  Like a bone into an ankle.
• 11:38
  I want to see it in action.
• 11:40
  I like the idea of...
• 11:42
  But then, okay, how cumbersome is it so that when you are being a bike
• 11:45
  and not being hitched to something,
• 11:50
  that...
• 11:51
  Are we going to just see giant balls on sidewalks?
• 11:58
  One can hope.
• 12:00
  I mean, you're going to see these giant balls everywhere.
• 12:03
  Yeah, I just think the world might need to adapt.
• 12:08
  Maybe we need a bike lane and a ball lane.
• 12:11
  Bike lane, ball lane, car lane.
• 12:13
  No pedestrians.
• 12:15
  No, screw pedestrians.
• 12:16
  Yeah, you can get in a ball.
• 12:17
  Yeah.
• 12:18
  yeah we could they could be rented like a like one of those uh bird bikes or whatever
• 12:23
  you just go to like a picturing a parking lot with just filled with these balls and then
• 12:30
  they're like abandoned in front of like on the side of the road yeah and you could just get in
• 12:35
  strap in and go that's our slog i think as soon as someone's and it could be painted cool cut like
• 12:45
  they could be wrapped they could be you know they could look like pool balls
• 12:49
  billiards okay here's here's a question is it like a cage where people can see in are you
• 12:57
  protect like is it like a you can see out but people can't see in kind of a deal i'd prefer
• 13:02
  that i don't i don't want to be watched in my ball yeah yeah i'd like ball privacy i 100 agree
• 13:08
  yeah yeah but i like the idea of seeing out yeah oh yeah you gotta see out yeah maybe one of those
• 13:15
  food doors
• 13:17
  so you can get a delivery
• 13:19
  if you need to
• 13:21
  some people live in their balls
• 13:22
  I guess it's not our place to say
• 13:25
  you can live in your ball
• 13:26
  and they could be float
• 13:27
  buoyant
• 13:29
  alright so then you could hitch it to a boat
• 13:33
  yeah and you could
• 13:34
  pedal in the sea
• 13:35
  sounds pretty nice
• 13:38
  Miami to
• 13:39
  Spain
• 13:41
  oh
• 13:42
  just a few short hours
• 13:46
  in the Balthalona
• 13:47
  okay
• 13:51
  aside from the
• 13:54
  cumbersome size
• 13:57
  I
• 14:00
  I would say
• 14:03
  is there a word cumbersome?
• 14:04
  no
• 14:04
  no you're really itching to guess my word
• 14:08
  I am
• 14:09
  no my word is not cumbersome
• 14:11
  that's a word I say
• 14:12
  regularly.
• 14:14
  Okay.
• 14:15
  Well, when the occasion calls for it.
• 14:20
  I would say I'm a maybe and I would buy one.
• 14:24
  Okay, I like that.
• 14:25
  Maybe is a pit stop on the road to yes.
• 14:30
  All right.
• 14:32
  And once you get to that pit stop,
• 14:34
  you can hitch your ball to something
• 14:36
  and it'll drag you all the way to yes.
• 14:37
  Wherever you want to go.
• 14:39
  Now we need to play Power of Love by Huey Lewis.
• 14:42
  Huey, we know you're listening.
• 14:45
  Just let us play it for free.
• 14:48
  We'll do a parody.
• 14:49
  Oh, okay.
• 14:50
  Never mind, Huey.
• 14:51
  Go back to bed.
• 14:53
  All right.
• 14:54
  That concludes the invention of the week.
• 15:01
  All right.
• 15:03
  Cool.
• 15:03
  I think our...
• 15:05
  Is our next segment...
• 15:08
  Knockin' Boofs?
• 15:12
  damn girl those booths were made for knocking
• 15:20
  i think we're knocking booths this is a new segment on the pod uh knocking booths
• 15:31
  this is where our producer joe gives us two celebrities who i think should be
• 15:37
  were two famous people of some kind.
• 15:40
  I guess that's celebrity.
• 15:41
  Did I just define celebrity?
• 15:43
  I might have.
• 15:43
  You did a great job.
• 15:44
  Thank you.
• 15:46
  And we have to say which one of them, under duress, we would...
• 15:53
  Is your word duress?
• 15:54
  No, it's not.
• 15:57
  That we would sleep with.
• 16:00
  We'd have to give our reasons why.
• 16:03
  And we can't pick them both, right?
• 16:05
  That's up to you.
• 16:06
  Oh, okay.
• 16:06
  All right.
• 16:09
  Noam Chomsky or Bill Clinton?
• 16:13
  Knock those booths.
• 16:15
  I don't know who Noam Chomsky is.
• 16:21
  And that's not a fault of that person.
• 16:24
  So you'd be getting some strange.
• 16:27
  That might make him the more preferable option.
• 16:29
  Yeah, there's no baggage.
• 16:31
  Has he been in something I know?
• 16:33
  He's a writer, general philosopher.
• 16:37
  I think he's like in his 90s at this point.
• 16:41
  Yeah.
• 16:41
  Oh.
• 16:42
  Do we pick when this happens?
• 16:45
  Oh, like when in the person's life?
• 16:46
  Yeah.
• 16:47
  Tonight.
• 16:50
  Right after we finish recording.
• 16:52
  During recording.
• 16:54
  But that is a good question.
• 16:56
  Is this just like...
• 16:58
  No, I think you have to take them as they are right now.
• 17:00
  Okay.
• 17:01
  That's why I tried to pick two people of similar age.
• 17:04
  Bill Clinton's 90?
• 17:06
  No.
• 17:07
  I think he's 70-something.
• 17:11
  I going to go 77 is my guess Now he 78 Whoa I thought he was like 80s I win I win that contest
• 17:22
  Just because you were closer?
• 17:23
  Yeah.
• 17:23
  I didn't agree to that.
• 17:27
  Drive-by by Francis.
• 17:30
  Okay.
• 17:31
  All right.
• 17:31
  Well, we need our new celebrities.
• 17:35
  We've already had time to think about Bill Clinton, so.
• 17:38
  Okay.
• 17:38
  while joe thinks of his celebrities go to friends like us pod.com check out all that we have to
• 17:48
  offer including the invention of the week uh where you will be able to invest we can try and make that
• 17:55
  happen if you want to see hit your ride or what was it the other big ball big ball i kind of like
• 18:02
  that have a ball it'll get you to parties yeah uh there could even be an option okay we're gonna
• 18:13
  reopen we're reopening the invention i'm just thinking you could hit a switch and you could be
• 18:18
  spinning in the ball like like they like they do in the nasa exactly yeah
• 18:25
  Yeah, and then you can turn it off when you're done.
• 18:30
  If you're hitched to a car with a sober driver, but you're drunk in the bicycle, do you get a DUI?
• 18:37
  No, you're a passenger.
• 18:39
  Okay, you're a passenger even though it's your vehicle.
• 18:42
  When you're hitched, you can't go anywhere.
• 18:45
  You have to get out of the vehicle to unhitch.
• 18:47
  It's a good metaphor for marriage, too.
• 18:50
  Well, I don't know.
• 18:51
  When you're hitched, you're stuck.
• 18:53
  Forever.
• 18:53
  Someone else is driving.
• 18:55
  Okay.
• 18:57
  Yeah.
• 18:58
  Did we just turn that maybe into a yes?
• 19:03
  By the spinning NASA addition to this?
• 19:08
  Absolutely.
• 19:09
  The thing that'll probably make everyone throw up?
• 19:12
  Who doesn't love that?
• 19:15
  Yes, you did.
• 19:18
  All right, we're going to close back the Invention of the Week.
• 19:22
  Okay.
• 19:23
  You guys ready?
• 19:24
  We're ready.
• 19:25
  all right on this segment of knocking booths
• 19:29
  will smith or carl weathers oh i feel like this one's an easy one for me
• 19:38
  yeah for anyone uh listening at home jenna why don't you why don't you go ahead and tell them
• 19:43
  who carl withers is for those who don't know the late great carl weathers dead he's dead
• 19:48
  oh no that's all right uh i i would still say we have to do it now uh carl weathers uh most
• 19:54
  famous, I think, for being
• 19:56
  in the movie Predator.
• 19:59
  And
• 19:59
  he's in...
• 20:01
  Oh, and also in the Rocky movies, yeah.
• 20:04
  As who? Apollo Creed.
• 20:07
  And also
• 20:08
  in Arrested Development as himself.
• 20:10
  Hold on, I'll Google it. Go ahead and make
• 20:12
  your decision while I'm looking. Okay, well for me, this is
• 20:14
  an easy one. It's Carl Weathers.
• 20:17
  Just based
• 20:18
  on his turn in Arrested Development
• 20:20
  alone, he seems delightful.
• 20:22
  and he seems like he's got a good sense of humor about himself.
• 20:27
  I feel like if you were to ever have sex with Will Smith,
• 20:31
  it would be...
• 20:32
  He'd hit you.
• 20:34
  He'd hit me?
• 20:35
  No, I wish.
• 20:36
  I think it would be...
• 20:37
  I'm just kidding.
• 20:37
  Don't hurt me.
• 20:40
  We've got to go off grid now.
• 20:42
  Oh, Francis, what are you doing?
• 20:43
  Stop.
• 20:44
  Cut the feed.
• 20:45
  I also pick Carl Weathers.
• 20:47
  That kind of muscle does not go away.
• 20:49
  but Will Smith just seems like one of the neediest human beings on the planet
• 20:55
  oh you went there what well I know you're listening I mean that in a loving way Jada's
• 21:03
  gonna love this uh she will actually I think she likes anything that puts Will down um Jada I'm
• 21:09
  sorry I just you know me I gotta be honest um I think he's a Pisces oh Carl doesn't mean anything
• 21:18
  to me um yeah okay yeah we both pick carl weathers and he looks like a great husband was he married
• 21:28
  yes no for how long i put my phone down oh okay i guess we'll never know yeah thank you for um
• 21:37
  for that duo of celebrities i never would have looked into him no chomsky and carl weathers
• 21:44
  yeah makes me want to box oh yeah okay it makes me want to get hunted by a heat-seeking predator
• 21:56
  all right well after the podcast we'll go out all right all right well that has been
• 22:04
  knock and booze
• 22:06
  oh yeah knock my boobs
• 22:11
  all right i think it's time to come to our final segment the big segment the big question
• 22:22
  the question is very big
• 22:26
  francis yeah do you have a question i do i wrote it down okay
• 22:35
  keep in mind i don't advocate for violence but keep in mind i do you're gonna love this okay
• 22:44
  if you had to choke out a mammal larger than a great dane in front of its family what would you
• 22:52
  pick oh um in front of the whole family in front of the whole family
• 23:05
  Their family.
• 23:06
  Not my family.
• 23:07
  You can invite them if you want.
• 23:09
  Okay, all right.
• 23:15
  Well, my first thought was giraffe,
• 23:18
  because I think it'd be fun to choke that neck.
• 23:22
  It's just so long.
• 23:23
  Yeah, and you can start at the top and just...
• 23:25
  Just choke my way down?
• 23:26
  Just hug as hard as you can as you fall.
• 23:29
  Yeah, yeah, because it would be like a full body,
• 23:31
  like I could just cling to it.
• 23:33
  It'd be like a pendant.
• 23:33
  oh i'd be a choker necklace you would oh i and and also i think it would try and buck me off with
• 23:42
  its neck i think its neck is pretty powerful but that would make it like a fun pretty powerful
• 23:46
  that's their whole thing that's how they fight yeah i know that's why i think as long as just
• 23:53
  to be clear are do i get to start mid-choke like the animal's not gonna fight me yeah because for
• 24:01
  all it knows you're a friend okay so the giraffe and i we just get back from a really nice lunch
• 24:07
  yes uh i ask if i can use its bathroom it says sure they you don't even have to ask yeah yeah
• 24:14
  we're friends i know it's in the kitchen it's cleaning uh there were some dishes left in the
• 24:21
  sink from the night before because the giraffe is not it's a real giraffe it's a real giraffe
• 24:25
  and it's
• 24:26
  she's not finicky
• 24:28
  about things
• 24:29
  which is what actually
• 24:30
  made us friends
• 24:31
  to begin with
• 24:31
  that's what attracted me
• 24:33
  to this giraffe
• 24:34
  was that she was just like
• 24:35
  really chill
• 24:36
  and
• 24:37
  wasn't like
• 24:38
  too serious about stuff
• 24:39
  right
• 24:40
  it's a lived in home
• 24:41
  yeah exactly
• 24:41
  so she's just like
• 24:43
  whatever it's
• 24:44
  like I have a few minutes
• 24:45
  I'll take care of it now
• 24:45
  she's at the sink
• 24:47
  she's cleaning up
• 24:49
  the few dishes
• 24:49
  that are in the sink
• 24:50
  she's just starting to realize
• 24:51
  that her next surgery
• 24:53
  went well
• 24:53
  from the month before.
• 24:55
  She's feeling strong.
• 24:56
  Yeah.
• 24:57
  It's a range of motions coming back.
• 25:02
  She puts on the radio.
• 25:05
  She puts on the stereo music.
• 25:07
  She puts on Gloria Gaynor.
• 25:10
  Oh.
• 25:11
  That I'm every woman.
• 25:13
  But she thinks I'm every giraffe to herself
• 25:16
  because she's funny like that.
• 25:17
  She's so funny.
• 25:17
  She also thinks, you know who would love this?
• 25:19
  Jenna.
• 25:20
  Jenna, I know.
• 25:21
  And she can't wait for me to come out of the bathroom.
• 25:23
  Little does she know, I'm...
• 25:27
  Oh, right.
• 25:28
  And her whole family's there.
• 25:31
  I forgot about that part.
• 25:32
  And her whole family's there.
• 25:36
  I sneak up.
• 25:38
  I never actually go to the bathroom.
• 25:39
  Right.
• 25:40
  I shut the...
• 25:41
  I turn on the sink.
• 25:42
  I shut the door from the outside.
• 25:44
  Right.
• 25:45
  And I'm sneaking up behind her.
• 25:47
  One of the young ones looks and is And thinks maybe like Jenna fun Maybe Jenna doing a fun marriage What she doing What Aunt Jenna doing Oh let not Yeah they call me aunt Because we really close I was there when the youngest was born
• 26:01
  You're the godmother.
• 26:03
  Yeah, I'm the godmother.
• 26:05
  So he doesn't want to ruin the surprise.
• 26:06
  So he didn't say anything to his mom.
• 26:09
  So he's just sitting there waiting and the mom, like, singing.
• 26:10
  Smiling even.
• 26:11
  Yeah, mom sees him, have a funny look on his face, and she thinks,
• 26:15
  maybe it's because I'm singing I'm every giraffe instead of I'm every woman.
• 26:20
  Right.
• 26:21
  And then just like,
• 26:23
  like that,
• 26:24
  like lightning fast.
• 26:26
  I'm up,
• 26:26
  I'm around the neck.
• 26:28
  Up.
• 26:29
  I mean,
• 26:29
  like I'm picturing you had to like full,
• 26:31
  you had to run up the back.
• 26:32
  Is that what you're saying?
• 26:34
  How did you get up?
• 26:36
  Well,
• 26:38
  the,
• 26:38
  they're teaching the youngest giraffe how to like clean things in the sink
• 26:44
  too.
• 26:44
  So they have a little step stool like next to it.
• 26:46
  Cause he's not big enough yet to reach the sink.
• 26:48
  So I go up through,
• 26:50
  The steps to the back.
• 26:53
  And I've been working on my quad muscles specifically,
• 26:55
  so I've got to have a higher...
• 26:56
  You're a launcher.
• 26:57
  Yeah, so I can leap.
• 27:00
  I cling to the back,
• 27:01
  and at first, the giraffe doesn't know what's going on,
• 27:03
  and she's just kind of like, what?
• 27:04
  And I whisper, and I just go, shh.
• 27:08
  This has to happen.
• 27:09
  This has to happen.
• 27:11
  And then I'm just clinging, and then suddenly...
• 27:12
  She's laughing, because she's like, what is...
• 27:14
  Nervous laughing.
• 27:15
  But then she's like, hey, my neck, my neck.
• 27:17
  Yeah.
• 27:17
  and then she's like okay like okay well this isn't this isn't stopping not supposed to have
• 27:22
  anyone on my neck and then the the family doesn't know because they also are like this is jenna this
• 27:27
  has got to be a joke of some kind right also though my mom just had surgery right right so
• 27:33
  maybe this is like some maybe it's like a fun massage like maybe she's helping i don't know
• 27:37
  but mom just stumbled but yeah but oh no like there's fear in mom's eyes now and then they're
• 27:44
  like what do we do what do we do uh and it's just the babies because the dad left um of course which
• 27:51
  is why the mom had been leaning on me for a while right because i was such a good friend
• 27:56
  but i i had to do it yeah and so finally he's like she's struggling and she like
• 28:03
  her little her thin legs so she starts to go down and her knobby knees are now on the ground
• 28:09
  They buckled.
• 28:10
  It was hard to watch.
• 28:11
  Yeah.
• 28:12
  A buckle and a fall.
• 28:13
  And then finally that she gives her last breath, the whole neck comes down.
• 28:18
  I release the neck.
• 28:21
  And the whole time you were wearing gloves so there'd be no fingerprints.
• 28:24
  Yep.
• 28:25
  Even though there are witnesses to this crime.
• 28:31
  I don't want that.
• 28:32
  I don't.
• 28:33
  I still want to be able to say, the kids are crazy.
• 28:35
  What are you talking about?
• 28:37
  Well, guess what?
• 28:37
  Now you're raising them.
• 28:39
  Okay.
• 28:41
  But they can't enforce the godmother.
• 28:46
  I'm only godmother to the youngest one.
• 28:48
  Oh.
• 28:48
  And you know what?
• 28:49
  I would raise it.
• 28:50
  Until the neck was just long enough to choke.
• 28:53
  And then we do it again.
• 28:55
  The cycle starts again.
• 28:57
  Great choice.
• 28:58
  I didn't know you'd go with the largest necked predator when I brought up choking.
• 29:03
  You're ambitious.
• 29:04
  Thank you.
• 29:05
  Well, I mean, as you can see, I've got a pretty good plan.
• 29:07
  Yeah.
• 29:09
  So what about you?
• 29:11
  And don't forget you escaping the ball.
• 29:14
  Yeah.
• 29:14
  Oh, no.
• 29:15
  Oh, I've got my big ball ready to go.
• 29:19
  Safari ball.
• 29:20
  Okay.
• 29:20
  So me?
• 29:21
  Yeah.
• 29:22
  Giraffe's taken, huh?
• 29:23
  Yep.
• 29:24
  Sorry.
• 29:24
  Oh, that's interesting.
• 29:26
  I feel like no matter what, it can't be a predator.
• 29:30
  Okay.
• 29:30
  Why?
• 29:31
  You wouldn't want the sport of it?
• 29:32
  No, no.
• 29:33
  I'm there to have a good time.
• 29:36
  I don't need the tables turned.
• 29:37
  um so bigger than a great dane i'm gonna say um i'm gonna say a deer and i want it to be related
• 29:47
  to bambi oh yeah because they're still working on that generational trauma so it's like additional
• 29:54
  trauma it's like don't subject a new deer to new trauma bambi's already got his own shit going on
• 30:02
  Right.
• 30:03
  And this is the moment, again, where I just gained trust.
• 30:08
  Maybe with salt.
• 30:11
  Did you know that?
• 30:12
  The salt lick?
• 30:13
  Yeah, they love it.
• 30:15
  So I cover myself in salt.
• 30:17
  The movie Salt.
• 30:19
  Yes, VHS tapes all over me.
• 30:21
  Is that Angelina Jolie movie?
• 30:23
  Is that what it might?
• 30:24
  Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 30:24
  Yeah, she was an agent.
• 30:26
  Yeah.
• 30:26
  God, I loved her.
• 30:27
  Too bad she's dead.
• 30:30
  Just kidding, Angelina.
• 30:31
  We know you're listening.
• 30:32
  Yeah, she's great.
• 30:33
  She's great.
• 30:33
  She's actually on my lunch roster.
• 30:36
  Oh, okay.
• 30:37
  The giraffe was on my lunch roster.
• 30:39
  You see how that turned out.
• 30:40
  Well, I guess he's food now.
• 30:42
  Would you wear a giraffe?
• 30:45
  Like a full giraffe?
• 30:47
  My neck or just their skin?
• 30:48
  The skin.
• 30:50
  Well, I guess...
• 30:51
  Yeah, I was thinking about this because my dad...
• 30:53
  I was picturing wrapping the neck around.
• 30:54
  I was too, yeah.
• 30:55
  I don't know if I'd want the head still.
• 30:57
  But without it, how do you know it's a giraffe?
• 30:59
  I don't know.
• 31:00
  I'm picturing body and legs too so yeah I'd wear it body and legs you got to be on stilts
• 31:07
  with your new coat yeah that will be my nickname too I've always wanted a cool nickname I think
• 31:11
  stilts is a good nickname um I think you'd be popular I think so too yeah I'd roll up to parties
• 31:18
  in my my big old ball and you get up with like stilts first but you're not visible yet yep and
• 31:24
  You're like putting on the coat as you exit the ball.
• 31:27
  Yep.
• 31:29
  Okay.
• 31:29
  That's hot.
• 31:30
  So yes is the answer to the question I would.
• 31:33
  So wait.
• 31:34
  So you wouldn't want a predator.
• 31:36
  No, no.
• 31:37
  I want a deer who trusts me.
• 31:39
  The deer to trust you.
• 31:40
  Right.
• 31:40
  I don't know why we both want to betray someone so much.
• 31:44
  Well, it just makes it easier to get the job done.
• 31:46
  Yeah, I agree.
• 31:47
  Like I'm getting in closer.
• 31:49
  Or you could be like just in the woods like with a sign that's like free hugs.
• 31:53
  Oh, yeah.
• 31:54
  Yeah.
• 31:54
  Again, only one that trusts you is going to come up.
• 31:58
  Or like, I got a secret for you.
• 32:02
  Who wants to hear a secret?
• 32:03
  Because then you're getting a gossiper.
• 32:05
  In which case they have it coming.
• 32:07
  Yeah, I agree.
• 32:08
  That one curious deer.
• 32:09
  It's like, oh, I want to know.
• 32:10
  Like lean closer.
• 32:13
  Is it about that slut Bambi?
• 32:17
  I knew it.
• 32:18
  Yeah.
• 32:20
  Yeah, I don't know.
• 32:21
  Also, I think I would stop.
• 32:22
  oh you wouldn't you don't think you'd commit i think it'd be easier for you and your draft
• 32:27
  because you're not looking directly in the face because you can't because you're dangling from
• 32:31
  the neck yeah but i think it looking me in the eyes i think i'm a poisoner
• 32:37
  oh you know like set it and forget it the crock pot of kills yeah
• 32:42
  hey save it for the invention of the week
• 32:46
  yeah I don't know
• 32:49
  anyway the reason they asked was no reason
• 32:51
  no it's
• 32:52
  the reason you ask is because it's the big question
• 32:55
  uh yeah
• 32:56
  and I think that wraps up the big question
• 32:58
  the big question
• 32:59
  which I think it wraps up this episode of
• 33:03
  Friends Like Us
• 33:05
  if you are enjoying Friends Like Us
• 33:07
  and you would like to subscribe
• 33:09
  please feel free there's bonus content
• 33:11
  available to subscribers
• 33:13
  go to friendslikeuspod.com
• 33:15
  for more information.
• 33:18
  Bye.
• 33:18
  Wait.
• 33:19
  What?
• 33:19
  What was your word?
• 33:21
  Oh, yeah.
• 33:21
  We forgot the word.
• 33:22
  I forgot the word the whole time.
• 33:24
  I don't think I said it.
• 33:26
  I didn't say my word.
• 33:27
  I don't think you did either.
• 33:28
  I also forgot what your word was.
• 33:31
  Oh.
• 33:31
  Okay.
• 33:32
  But hold on.
• 33:32
  Before we get started.
• 33:32
  Isn't it a little eerie
• 33:33
  how things can just fly out of your mind like that?
• 33:37
  Yes.
• 33:38
  Okay.
• 33:39
  Joe?
• 33:41
  Eerie?
• 33:41
  Was it eerie?
• 33:42
  Yes, it was eerie.
• 33:44
  Damn.
• 33:44
  My word was fingerprints.
• 33:47
  Oh, that's why I'm wearing gloves when I kill that giraffe.
• 33:54
  Yes.
• 33:55
  No other reason than so you could say the word fingerprints.
• 33:58
  100%.
• 33:58
  Wow.
• 34:01
  That actually worked in really easily.
• 34:03
  Yeah.
• 34:04
  It was almost eerie.
• 34:05
  I like how I just accept them.
• 34:07
  Like, yeah, yeah, it was eerie.
• 34:10
  All right.
• 34:12
  That's our show.
• 34:14
  See you next time on Friends Like Us.