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Ephesians 4:25-32 | Five Destructive Habits · Bayside Davis Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Basic Davis Podcast.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening to our current teaching series, Ephesians.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: There are things in our lives that we can choose to do that hurt us and hurt other people.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've ever heard of the idea of the seven deadly sins.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's a Catholic idea.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: It originated in the fourth century by a monk and was further developed in the 13th century by the great theologian Thomas Aquinas and was built as a theological category for sins that is well known in the Catholic Church.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the idea around the seven deadly sins is that there's things that we do that have ramifications on our soul, on our relationships, and on our relationship with God Himself.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: In our passage today, in Ephesians chapter 4, verses 25 through 32, Paul addresses five sins.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're new to Jesus in Christianity, you might say sin is an antiquated term, and you're right, it is kind of an antiquated term in our modern vernacular, but sin really is anything that we do that is contrary to God's design for our flourishing.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Anything that we do that is contrary to the very nature and essence of who God is.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And Paul talks about these five sins, and this is like the New Testament idea of the Catholic version of the seven deadly sins.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: You could call these five deadly sins.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or you could call these in modern vernacular five destructive habits.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Five things that we do that are bad for our soul, they're bad for our relationships, and they're bad for our relationship with God.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's look at the first one in verse 25.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Paul begins in verse 25, he says, Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: The first habit or sin that is not good for us that he begins with in verse 25, number one, write this down, lying.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Lying.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And essentially, the concept that Paul teaches us here is that we are to move from lying to speaking truth.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: We are to move from people that don't tell the truth to people that speak the truth.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a great preface to say each of these seven or five deadly sins or five destructive habits, each of these is built around a really cool paradigm.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: First, each of these sections has two imperatives.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, what to stop doing, and number two, what to start doing.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then each of these has a promise or an explanation of why we shouldn't do them.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So he says, here's what to stop doing, here's what to start doing, and here's the reason why, as a follower of Jesus, as the people of God.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Notice in our first habit or sin, what to stop doing, put off falsehood.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Falsehood is another way of saying lying or deceit.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's all kinds of different types of lies.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: There are white lies.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: These are harmless lies that we think we tell to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: There's lies of omission where we omit something in the story that we're telling or the information that we're telling.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's fabrications where we completely make up stories or information with no basis of truth.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: There are bold-faced lies.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: We are blatantly offering up a falsehood.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: There are deceptive lies.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: These are things we deliberately lie to manipulate or deceive for personal gain.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's pathological lies.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is a psychological condition where somebody persistently, irregardless of the truth, tells lies all the time.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's self-deception lies where we're actually lying to ourselves.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting when you hear those categories, we all do some of this sometimes.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And God says, as followers of Jesus, put off lying, take it off.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It shouldn't be part of our life.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what to start doing: speak truthfully.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Speak truthfully.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some of you, you're like the truth people.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: You love to speak truth.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: But Paul says previously in this chapter, in chapter 4, verse 15, he says, speak the truth in love.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: God teaches us not only to speak truthfully, but to speak truthfully in love.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, the content of what I'm saying and the manner in which I'm saying it are both essential as the people of Jesus.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you got truth people where they like wield the truth everywhere they go, and people are like beat up and scarred by it.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have love people that like never tell the truth because they want to love people, but we are to be love and truth people.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're to speak the truth in love.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some of us we might read this and we might think that Paul essentially is talking about interpersonal conversations and relationship and communication, but I think the essence of what he's saying here is that the truth is the truth about Jesus and what Jesus taught.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: John chapter 14 says that Jesus is the truth.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the scope of the New Testament uses this idea of truth as the truth of what God is teaching his people to do, to live, to be.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so we must speak words that align with Jesus and align with the Word of God because notice what he says: we are members of one body.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're in the same family.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're attached to Jesus together.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: We're following the way and teachings of Jesus together.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're to speak the truth of Jesus and the truths that Jesus taught us in community with one another.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is not so much I'm gonna rebuke you, I'm gonna tell you what you're doing wrong.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's the essence of our conversation being revolving in the context of Jesus and the truths of Scripture.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the truths we're to speak to one another.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that we're going around condemning or rebuking people, it's that our conversations are filled with Jesus and the teachings of Jesus.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Second, notice what he says in verses 26 and 27.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The second habit that is destructive is anger.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Verses 26 and 27, he says, In your anger, do not sin.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what to stop doing.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: In your anger, do not sin.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're to cease from doing.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now you might say, what is anger?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people we feel it, but we can't actually articulate what it is.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anger is an emotion.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's most often an emotion we experience when we feel like there's injustice, or another way to say that is we feel wronged.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we get angry when we feel hurt by an offense where we feel like injustice has taken place, or we've been wronged by somebody, it's in an emotional response toward that.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And injustice reveals a lack of equity that we were created for, that we innately desire.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we feel that way, we feel anger being aroused inside of us around that wrongdoing.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: The reality of anger, though, it's it's quite complex.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: The why behind why we're feeling what we're feeling.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're angry around objective, real, actual wrongs and injustices.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like somebody actually did something to us that was wrong.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Other times we feel angry around perceived wrongs or injustices.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: It might just be in our head.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: It might be the way we're interpreting other people's motives or events, but it's not actually real.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're angry because we're masking hurt or sadness.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we project that on other people.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: We have something resonating inside of our soul that is hurt, that is wounded, and thus we become angry with the people around us, although it's not their fault.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't do anything wrong to us.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we're angry because we're just frustrated inside, and we begin to project our frustrations on the people around us.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: The Bible discusses practical wisdom for anger.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to these verses.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Ephesians chapter 4, verse 26.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: In your anger do not sin, which means anger in itself is not sin.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's an emotion that the people of God feel, and as we know in Scripture, it's an emotion that God feels.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Psalm chapter 4, verse 4 says, Tremble and do not sin.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: When you are on your bed, search your hearts and be silent.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: God is teaching us to process our anger in healthy ways, in timely ways, in reflective ways.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then James chapter 1, verse 19 says, be slow to anger.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us we feel wronged, whether that's real or perceived, and we blow up immediately.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: God says, be slow to anger.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself time.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself time to process, to physiologically reflect on what is happening in your body before you blow up, before you have an outburst of anger.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Process that.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Taking vengeance into our own hands is not the way of Jesus.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's essentially what Romans chapter 12, verse 19 says when it says, Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, it is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Rather than taking revenge into our own hands, we should be patient in letting justice play out in due time, knowing that God is the perfect, righteous judge, and we are not.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: We are to stop allowing anger to cause us to sin.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: But notice what we are to start doing.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what he says next in verse 26.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, Wesley, Wesley, what does that mean?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Great question.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: What to start doing?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Start reconciling with people.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is a picture.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry, means that picture is that we should not harbor anger toward people.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: We should not be like, oh, you know, Monday, I'm gonna go to bed angry and seething and bitter at that person.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Tuesday, I'm gonna go to bed angry and seething and bitter at that person.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wednesday, I'm gonna go to bed angry and seething and bitter at that person.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do the same thing Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and maybe I'll process it Sunday.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: God's like, no, that is not good for you.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: We should reconcile with people quickly as Jesus taught.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs chapter 22, verses 24 and 25 says, do not make friends with a hot-tempered person.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Do not associate with one who is easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Angry behavior and harboring anger in your soul is something to be avoided at all cost.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is a trap that has negative consequences for your soul and for the relationships you have in your life.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: That God warns us to not associate, partner with people that are always angry because it will affect you.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes a trap.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And God says, avoid it at all costs.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're the person that is easily angered all the time.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're the hot-tempered person, and God would say, This is something not good for you, and it's not good for the people around you.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something that God wants to change in your life.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Harboring anger, in fact, verse 27, gives the devil a foothold in our lives that leads us to further sin and negative consequences.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's like a warning.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: God's like, pay attention.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: When you live this habitual life of anger and outburst and seething and bitterness and all those things, this is actually Satan, the enemy of the truth and the enemy of the people of God and the enemy of the way of Jesus, getting a foothold in your life as a follower of Jesus.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Satan knows that he cannot possess a follower of Jesus.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: We are possessed by the Spirit of God.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: But he can oppress a follower of Jesus by lifestyle habits and habitual things in our life that are unhealthy for us.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so he's saying, be cognizant and aware of anger in your soul.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do not give the devil a foothold in your life that will lead to further sin and negative consequences.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: The great writer Warren Wearsby said, Satan hates God and God's people, which is true.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And when he finds a believer with the sparks of anger in his heart, he fans those sparks, adds fuel to the fire, and does a great deal of damage to God's people and God's church.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: The great philosopher Aristotle said, anyone can become angry.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: True?
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Agree?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: But to be angry with the right person to the right degree at the right time for the right purpose and in the right way, that is not easy.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it is smart to not allow anger to root in your heart and become a seething, bitter person toward people.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's not good for your soul.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not good for your heart.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not good for all that God wants to do in your life.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Don't feel condemned if this is you.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Feel a prompting and an urge of conviction to change and allow the Lord to reshape that part of your heart.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, stealing.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Stealing, verse 28.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh, welcome to church 2020-25.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to church.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stealing.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk about all these big things right now.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's in the Bible, so we might as well talk about it.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Verse 28.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work doing something useful with their own hands so that they may have something to share with those who are in need.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Stealing.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: God wants us to move from lying to speaking truth, from anger to reconciliation, and third, he wants us to move from stealing to working hard.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what to stop doing: steal no longer.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of the Ten Commandments.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Did you know that?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Anybody read the Ten Commandments recently?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Go back, Exodus chapter 20, read the Ten Commandments this week.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Next week I'll say, anybody read the Ten Commandments lately?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And go all raise your hand.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Exodus 20, verse 15.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: You shall not steal.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, Wesley, I don't steal.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stealing takes on many different forms.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's taking something that does not belong to us without the permission of another person.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: The Bible says, don't steal from your neighbor.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Rather, you're to love your neighbor.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: The Bible says, don't steal as an employer.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: You are to pay your employees for their work.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: The Bible says, don't steal as an employee.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: You are to work hard, not cut corners, and do your job well.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I read that the average employee steals 5.5 times more than the average shoplifter.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's a stat.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Companies lose$200 billion a year from employees stealing.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, how so?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Stealing time.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: The average employee wastes two hours per day, five days a week.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: That might be withholding.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: What is not yours, what you're being paid for.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then the Bible says, don't steal from God.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Malachi 3.8.9.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're to worship God with your with all that you have, all your possessions.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're to honor God with tithes and offerings.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so there is categories of how we can steal.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: We might not be like, you know, when I was a when I was a young kid, I stole a bike at night one time.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next day the bike got stolen from me.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I didn't know the Lord then.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, that must be the right thing.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: I stole the bike, the bike got stolen from me.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I shouldn't do this ever again.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so God says, do not steal, but notice what he says to start doing, work and become generous.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: You see that term in verse 28, but but you must work.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's a Greek term kopia'u means to work hard.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not I'm just going to work and I'm going through the motions and I'm putting in my time so I can get a paycheck.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's I'm going to work and this is stewardship.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is faithfulness.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to put in my best effort that I have for that day.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: And God wants us to work hard.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't want us stealing stuff from other people without their permission.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: He wants us to work hard because this is the opposing lifestyle of stealing.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And working hard should lead us to become generous people because money is not just for us.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's an opportunity to bless God's work, to bless people, to bless our family, to bless people in need.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: We don't just work for ourselves, we work as a channel to be a blessing to people on earth.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so we need to build that habit into our lives where we are not stealing from people, but we are working hard to become generous toward people.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Notice the fourth destructive habit, verses 29 and 30.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Destructive words.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Look what he says in verse 29.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: But only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: Here, God wants us to move from destructive words to encouraging words.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what to stop doing do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Years ago, I studied six years of biblical languages.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hebrew is the language of the Old Testament, Greek, Koine Greek is the language of the New Testament, and years ago I remember studying this particular word.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: In history, because you when you're studying this stuff, you study how.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: The word was used outside of the biblical text.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I learned that this word was used for rancid fish, rotten wood, withered flowers, diseased lungs, and putrid smells.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a great picture of how communication that is hurtful and destruction, destructive, should affect our senses.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you smell rancid fish, you're not going to pick up the fish and eat it.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to realize, no, this is not edible.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to make me really sick.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: And some of us, we have allowed our communication to become so destructive and unhelpful, but to everybody around you, they're like, yes, I'm trying to run like I would run from eating rancid fish.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Unwholesome words refer to any communication that does not build other people up.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: But rather harms people's well-being and harms people's character.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Unwholesome words refer to any communication that does not honor God.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Words that God would not speak Himself over people's lives.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of a big deal.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because communication is very powerful.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: It affects how we see ourselves.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: It affects how we view the world.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: It shapes our identity and our confidence.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: It creates healthy or unhealthy relationships and community.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so unwholesome talk or harmful words or anything that does not build people up is very powerful in our interpersonal relationships and in our communities.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's some great psychologists who have studied more interpersonal relationships than any psychologist in human history, the Gottmans, and they they have this four horsemen of communication.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the most destructive forms of communication in all relationships.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: You ready for these?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Write these down.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, criticism.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's in the top four most destructive elements of communication.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Criticism is verbally attacking a person's personality or character.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: This would fall into the category of unwholesome words.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: The second is contempt.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Contempt is attacking sense of self with an intent to insult or abuse another person.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're attacking them as a person.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times in a conflict situation, you can see contempt because a person doesn't deal with the problem.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: They attack the person.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And they want to hurt that person.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth of the four horsemen of communication is defensiveness.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Victimizing yourself to ward off perceived attacks and reverse the blame.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's in the top four most destructive elements of communication.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fourth is stonewalling.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Withdrawing to avoid conflict and convey disapproval, distance, and separation.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a good withdrawal, it's like a timeout.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my goodness, like I'm physiologically, my body is feeling angry and I'm like anxious, and I just know that if I say anything right now, like I'm in a heightened state, I just need a timeout so that I can go back to homeostasis, I can calm down, I can reflect, I can pray, I can process.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good timeout.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: But a person that stonewalls, they do this as a habit to never deal with anything, which is a signal of communication that I disapprove of you.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to detach from you.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm never gonna attach to you around conflict that can lead to change, that can lead to growth.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always gonna detach from you instead of actually communicating so that we can team up and solve these problems.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now, all of us have our proclivity in one of these or multiple of these, so do not feel condemned.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: But it's wisdom that these are harmful, these don't build people up, these aren't conducive for relational flourishing.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what you start doing: building other people up.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is the way of Jesus.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Building other people up, an architectural term describing the stages of construction that you're building something, our words should be constructing health and flourishing and aliveness in our relationships.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of communication does that?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Encouraging people for their benefit, for their spiritual well-being.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine if the people of Jesus, if our culture and atmosphere everywhere we go is to do this?
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna encourage everybody around me.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: And when we come together, that this would be the most encouraging place on earth.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Encouragement is fuel to the human soul.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody wakes up and says, I don't need any encouragement today.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, when you wake up and somebody encourages you on any day, it is the most often the most important human interaction on that day.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Years ago, I was praying and reading my Bible, and God gave me a vision for part of my calling.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Wesley, in every environment you go in, in every relationship you have, I want you to see people and encourage them.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: Call out who they are, call out the positive things in their life, call out their gifts, and affirm them and what I'm doing in their life.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't do that perfectly, but I felt like God spoke that into my heart as a specific, particular calling that He has for my life.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what if all of us felt that burden?
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: That everywhere we go, we encourage people, we infirm people, we active listen, we tell stories that inspire growth.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: We are truthful and kind, not just truthful and mean.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: We express care, we express understanding.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: If we as the people of Jesus go into every space that He has placed us with that intent and calling, every place we go will be changed.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your workplace will be changed, your team will be changed, your friend group will be changed, your family will be changed.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: Don't wait for other people to build this culture.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: You build this culture everywhere you go.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is the life that Jesus calls us to.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then he gives a warning in verse 30.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to see this.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Notice in your Bible.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to see this.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: We grieve the Spirit of God who dwells in every follower of Jesus' heart when we hurt people with our words.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever been in like a conflict conversation?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden, you say something you want to like take back, you wish there was like a rewind.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: And as you're saying it, you feel like this intensity of like conviction and grieving in your heart through the Holy Spirit.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good thing.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the Lord saying, next time you're in that interaction or an interaction like that, I've given you wisdom that this makes me sad inside.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know that the Spirit of God who lives in you and in me, we can make the Spirit of God sad inside?
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: We can do things that break the heart of God, and tearing down and destroying people with our words breaks the heart of God.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: So God's like, change the way you communicate.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then finally, number five, verses 31 and 32, unforgiveness.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Unforgiveness.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what he says next, verse 31.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling in slander, along with every form of malice.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as Christ, just as in Christ God forgave you.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: Here we're to move from bitterness to forgiveness.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: All of what God says to stop doing is get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and malice.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: These words describe unforgiveness at work in the human heart.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Think with me about the meaning of each of these words.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: These are really important.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: The first word here in verse 30, or 31, pardon me, bitterness.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: This comes from a Greek word pikraya, means animosity, harshness, hostile attitude.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: It literally was a word referring to plants that produce inedible and poisonous fruit.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: God's like, get rid of animosity.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: Get rid of hostility toward people and harshness towards people.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: The second word, notice also in your Bible, by the way, we teach the Bible, so it'd be great that you can look at it each week.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have a Bible, feel free to take one of ours or grab one on your cell phone.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Notice the second word, rage.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: This comes from a Greek term thumos.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: It means wrath, hot temper, angry outbursts, intense anger that has passionate outbursts.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: God's like, get rid of that.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: The third term, anger, orge, means the state of relatively strong displeasure, with a focus on the emotional aspect of anger that you're just seething over and over, day after day, with strong displeasure toward another person.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: The fourth word, brawling, it's not the same as we would think of the brawl.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: Krage, it means shouting, the sound of a loud shouts and like a conflict situation where it goes from like we're talking and we're elevating toward we're yelling at each other.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: The sixth word is slander.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: You guys know that.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: That is like speech that defames or denigrates another person.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's harmful, it's wrong, attack a person's character and reputation.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then the final one is malice.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: This was a well-known church, a well-known term in the ancient world, but not necessarily in modern church vernacular.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Malice is like a mean-spirited, vicious attitude inside your soul.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's bad-heartedness, it's constant feelings of hostility and strong dislike toward other people with the implications of desiring to harm them.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: Can I just pause right there?
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: I do a lot of work in mental health psychology.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm almost finished with a book on mental health for Christianity.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I did a whole chapter on relational wounds, and I spent a lot of time on forgiveness.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know how many negative effects on the human body and soul come with being in a state of unforgiveness?
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to this.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the negative effects of unforgiveness on our lives.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: It increases stress and anxiety.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: These are all studies that have been done.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: It causes depression.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: It lowers our self-esteem.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: It creates cardiovascular strain, high blood pressure, heart rate, risk of cardiovascular issues.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: It weakens our immune system.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: It disturbs our sleep.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: It strains our relationship because it creates distance, mistrust, conflict, reduces our social support.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: It creates cycles of resentment.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes hardwired inside of us.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: We lose our inner peace.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it actually impairs our own personal growth.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: I look at that list and I'm like, oh Lord, I don't want those things in my life.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: And God is smart.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: God knows that unforgiveness hurts you.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: It hurts your body, it hurts your soul, it hurts you spiritually, it hurts you relationally, it hurts your mental health.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: God says, I don't want you to be a bitter person.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what you're to start doing: be kind, compassionate, and forgiving.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just as Jesus did to you.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Think with me for a second.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus forgave us freely and completely.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: He was kind.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: He was compassionate to us in his grace and he forgave us.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: We are to forgive people freely and completely.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: We are to be kind and compassionate to others in grace and forgive them.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: The word that the New Testament writers use for forgiveness, a fi and me, is actually an incredible word.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: It means to release something.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or to cancel or pardon someone.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: It means to release something.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is really important because you might ask, why should I forgive people?
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, reason number one, God gave it here, forgiveness reflects the heart and nature of God towards you.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Why should I forgive somebody?
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because God in Christ forgave you.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: In Exodus 34, verse 7, God describes himself as forgiving.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: He frees us from the burden of guilt and shame.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: He restores our relationship with him through act of forgiveness.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us that forgiven people forgive people.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: He says, for if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: This does not mean that human forgiveness earns God's forgiveness.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: This means that God's kids reflect God's nature.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: If God is a forgiving God, we become a forgiving people as we follow God.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why should I forgive?
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is how God treats you.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, why should I forgive?
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because forgiveness is good for you.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: It releases.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that idea.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: Releases it.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's freedom to your soul.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: It releases us from unhealthy rumination.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm concerned some of the cultural ideas around psychology, I would call these Christian pop psychology.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: One of them is that we think about our hurt and our pain 24-7.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: That is terribly unhealthy.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: That will never lead you to healing and freedom.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: There are moments that we have to interact with our pain and our relational wounds in order to heal, in order to be free, in order that our soul is not robbed of its present and future because of those actions on our life.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: But we are not to think about these things all the time.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: We are to release.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: We are to forgive because if we're always ruminating on people's wrongdoings toward us, it creates bitterness inside.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: It releases us from unhealthy rumination.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, that's the kids, and I'm glad they're having fun.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: It releases us from bitterness and revenge.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is not what God wants from us.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: God doesn't want us to be bitter, He doesn't want us to be people of revenge.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: It releases us from unchecked anger.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: It releases us from judgmentalism and condemnation.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: Some people think Christians are judgmental and full of condemnation.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: We should be the opposite, amen.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: It releases us from allowing relational pain to determine the health of our present and future.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: God says this because it's good for you.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: The great Catholic theologian Henry Nowen said, by not forgiving, I chain myself to a desire to get even, thereby losing my freedom.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_00: A forgiven person forgives.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is what we proclaim when we pray.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: Forgive us our trespasses as God as forgive those who trespassed against us.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: This lifelong struggle lies at the heart of the Christian life.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just admit it, this isn't easy.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: But this should become our pursuit and habit wired into our soul as followers of Jesus.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: Can I just give you some good news today?
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know we just talked about five sins.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Can I just give you some good news today?
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: You are completely forgiven by Jesus.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you have believed in the death of Jesus Christ on the cross for the forgiveness of your sins and his resurrection from the dead, having victory over sin and darkness and death on your behalf as the Son of God and Savior of the world, you are forgiven freely.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to earn it.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's religion.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: We don't do religion.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you are forgiven completely.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: Past, the present, yesterday, tomorrow, the future, all sin and Jesus is forgiven.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: And now he wants to change your life from the inside out so you can reflect him every single day you live.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.