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FOCUS: Top 10 things to let go of to live the best life · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:11
Speaker 1: Let's begin the top ten things to let go off
0:13
Speaker 1: to live the best life. One entitlement, two negative self
0:19
Speaker 1: talk and limiting beliefs, three, the need to be right, four,
0:24
Speaker 1: toxic people, five the need for status and money, six, jealousy,
0:31
Speaker 1: seven comparison, eight, judging others, nine grudges, and ten fear
0:38
Speaker 1: of change. Okay, so the first one, number one, entitlement.
0:43
Speaker 1: Entitlement is this idea that you think that something should
0:47
Speaker 1: have been given to you, should have been done for you,
0:50
Speaker 1: it should have been there for you. You deserved to
0:53
Speaker 1: have that person, that thing, you deserved to be there.
0:57
Speaker 1: And then obviously when that doesn't happen, you feel hard
1:01
Speaker 1: done by.
1:02
Speaker 2: You feel like you're the victim.
1:03
Speaker 1: Maybe you feel that you've been attacked, or something's been
1:05
Speaker 1: taken away from you or stolen from you or snatched
1:07
Speaker 1: from you, all these things. So that is entitlement. The
1:11
Speaker 1: issue with that is that it causes you You're always
1:14
Speaker 1: going to be in this state of kind of stress.
1:16
Speaker 1: You're in this in this living in this gap of
1:19
Speaker 1: where you are and where you think you should be.
1:22
Speaker 2: And that gap is stress and it is anxiety.
1:25
Speaker 1: So this idea and I always like I always describe
1:28
Speaker 1: anxiety as the distance between where you are or where
1:32
Speaker 1: you think you should be, instead of just being in
1:35
Speaker 1: the present and working on.
1:36
Speaker 2: Where you are and what you have right in front
1:38
Speaker 2: of you.
1:38
Speaker 1: It's this idea of like, I should have been there,
1:40
Speaker 1: I should have had that, that job that that person had,
1:43
Speaker 1: that should have been.
1:44
Speaker 2: Me, all these things. If you can let go of
1:47
Speaker 2: your sense.
1:47
Speaker 1: Of entitlement, that gap disappears. There's no I should, I
1:50
Speaker 1: should I should There's only I'm here right now now
1:54
Speaker 1: what can I do about it? There's no living in
1:57
Speaker 1: the past or living in the what if? That all
2:00
Speaker 1: disappears when entitlement disappears. Another problem with entitlement is that
2:04
Speaker 1: is the breeding ground for resentment. So if you feel
2:09
Speaker 1: that you're entitled to something and that doesn't happen, and
2:13
Speaker 1: often with entitlement, if not always, it involves other people.
2:18
Speaker 1: It involves other people allowing things for you or doing
2:21
Speaker 1: things for you in general, like normally. So if that
2:25
Speaker 1: doesn't happen, then you resent someone else. You know, you
2:31
Speaker 1: can resent them because they didn't do something for you,
2:33
Speaker 1: or they didn't you know, parent you the way that
2:35
Speaker 1: you should have been parented, or they didn't provide this
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Speaker 1: for you, or they didn't give you this job when
2:39
Speaker 1: you know that they should have.
2:40
Speaker 2: The list could go on forever.
2:43
Speaker 1: If you resent someone and I've spoken about this before,
2:47
Speaker 1: resentment Oh fuck, I always forget who said it, but
2:49
Speaker 1: it's some really famous person that said resentment is like
2:53
Speaker 1: I think it's Gandhi anyway. Resentment is like drinking poison
2:58
Speaker 1: expecting your enemy to die.
3:00
Speaker 2: So that's what happens.
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Speaker 1: When you feel entitled you then if you don't get
3:04
Speaker 1: what you think you should get, you then resent that person.
3:07
Speaker 1: Then the problem is if you feel entitled to something
3:10
Speaker 1: and you get it, then it strengthens your entitlement to
3:14
Speaker 1: other things. So the more you actually get things when
3:16
Speaker 1: you do feel entitled towards something and you actually you
3:20
Speaker 1: know that person follows through all the job comes through
3:22
Speaker 1: or whatever. If then one day you don't get that thing,
3:27
Speaker 1: then you literally are quite powerless. You don't have the
3:31
Speaker 1: means or the resources to handle that situation. So someone
3:35
Speaker 1: that's always been handed everything on a silver spoon, or
3:39
Speaker 1: what's the saying, hand not being given something been fed
3:43
Speaker 1: with the fucking silver spoon. Then when they're out in
3:45
Speaker 1: the real world and something doesn't go to plan or
3:47
Speaker 1: it doesn't go how they were raised and they realize that,
3:50
Speaker 1: you know, they're no better than someone else, and they
3:52
Speaker 1: don't just get it for being who they are. They
3:54
Speaker 1: have to either work for it or they have to
3:55
Speaker 1: do something unique in order.
3:57
Speaker 2: To achieve that thing.
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Speaker 1: When they realize that, then they feel so powerless because
4:04
Speaker 1: they've always gotten what they have wanted in the past.
4:07
Speaker 1: So the more you get, then the harder it is
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Speaker 1: to deal with.
4:11
Speaker 2: It when you don't get it.
4:12
Speaker 1: People that have always understood the balance of like, if
4:15
Speaker 1: I work for this, I get this. If I don't
4:17
Speaker 1: work for this, then I don't get this. Then they
4:19
Speaker 1: have no sense of entitement and they understand that there's
4:22
Speaker 1: a certain amount of effort involved if they want to
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Speaker 1: get something.
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Speaker 2: So that's the number one thing.
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Speaker 1: Entitlement is the number one thing you need to let
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Speaker 1: go off now, separate to getting things. This also works
4:33
Speaker 1: for within a relationship. Often we feel entitled to know
4:39
Speaker 1: something about someone's private life. You know, it's this idea
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Speaker 1: of like, yeah, but you're my friend, how could you
4:45
Speaker 1: have not told me or this or that? And I
4:47
Speaker 1: see that a lot within relationships we're entitlement. So you
4:50
Speaker 1: might not think that you're an entitled person because you
4:54
Speaker 1: know you've always worked hard for what you've achieved. You've
4:57
Speaker 1: worked hard for your money, you've nothing's been handed to you,
5:00
Speaker 1: born into royalty, whatever. But you might actually have entitlement
5:05
Speaker 1: within a relationship where someone might be private about something
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Speaker 1: because it's their private life, and you think, wait a minute,
5:11
Speaker 1: but I should know this because I'm your best friend,
5:13
Speaker 1: or I'm your girlfriend, or i'm your sister, or i'm
5:16
Speaker 1: you know, so you feel entitled to information that might
5:18
Speaker 1: not actually be any of your business, no matter how
5:22
Speaker 1: close that person is to you. So, for example, a
5:25
Speaker 1: lot of people then, because they feel entitled to this information,
5:29
Speaker 1: use emotional blackmail to make that person feel that they
5:31
Speaker 1: should have told you that information because you feel entitled
5:34
Speaker 1: to their privacy. Then what happens If you don't get
5:37
Speaker 1: what you wanted from that person, then you use some
5:39
Speaker 1: sort of an emotional blackmail to get.
5:41
Speaker 2: That information out of them. So here's an example.
5:44
Speaker 1: Let's say you ask someone a personal question about their life.
5:49
Speaker 1: It doesn't impact you at all, but you want to
5:51
Speaker 1: know about it, so you ask them a question. Let's say,
5:55
Speaker 1: have you had sex? Like Let's say you're talking about
5:58
Speaker 1: virginity here, right, and you say have you had sex?
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Speaker 1: And that person you know you might omit information and
6:06
Speaker 1: say no, I haven't.
6:07
Speaker 2: Okay, and then you find out later maybe they'll tell you.
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Speaker 1: If someone else tells you that they actually had had sex,
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Speaker 1: and then you go out and say, I can't believe
6:14
Speaker 1: you lied to me, that's emotional blackmail and that's you
6:17
Speaker 1: being entitled for me. If someone is omitting information about
6:21
Speaker 1: their private personal life and you then go and like
6:25
Speaker 1: spring on them with like give me information about your
6:27
Speaker 1: personal life and they omit information. I don't consider that
6:32
Speaker 1: a lie. They are not indebted to you. You don't
6:35
Speaker 1: deserve to know the ins and outs, and they might
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Speaker 1: not feel comfortable or confident enough to say that's none
6:41
Speaker 1: of your business, so they their way of saying that's
6:44
Speaker 1: none of for your business is giving you an answer
6:46
Speaker 1: that they think that you want, so you don't talk
6:48
Speaker 1: about it, right, But you are not entitled to that
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Speaker 1: person's private life. The same thing goes with like pregnancy,
6:55
Speaker 1: when people ask, oh, you're pregnant, and the woman's like, no, no,
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Speaker 1: i'm not, I'm not, and then it turns out that
7:00
Speaker 1: she actually is pregnant, and then you're like, I can't
7:03
Speaker 1: believe you didn't.
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Speaker 2: Tell me when I asked, like, none of your business?
7:05
Speaker 1: Can't, Like, why do you think that you, of all people,
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Speaker 1: are the one that is entitled to that information.
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Speaker 2: When someone is pregnant, they fucking announce it when they're
7:14
Speaker 2: good and ready.
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Speaker 1: And if you guessed it earlier and they chose not to,
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Speaker 1: like not to open up and tell you that they
7:20
Speaker 1: actually are pregnant, that's, you know, still none of your business.
7:24
Speaker 2: That's just too bad. So sad you guessed it.
7:26
Speaker 1: Oh okay, you were right, but you can't then say
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Speaker 1: I can't believe they didn't open up to me, or
7:31
Speaker 1: I can't believe they didn't tell me. It's this idea
7:33
Speaker 1: when someone might be going through something or have something
7:35
Speaker 1: on in their private life and then months later they
7:38
Speaker 1: open up and then you can be like, why didn't
7:40
Speaker 1: you tell me? Like I'm so upset that, like I
7:42
Speaker 1: thought we were close and why didn't you?
7:44
Speaker 2: That is entitlement.
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Speaker 1: So entitlement often happens for most people within relationships when
7:50
Speaker 1: you are entitled to someone's private information. So be very
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Speaker 1: careful when you do that, because you are actually driving
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Speaker 1: that person away when.
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Speaker 2: You do that.
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Speaker 1: You are making them to want to open up less
8:02
Speaker 1: not books. Number two is negative self talk and limiting beliefs.
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Speaker 1: So when we have negative self talk and limiting beliefs,
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Speaker 1: what happens that it becomes we do.
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Speaker 2: This often, We really do this often.
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Speaker 1: And the reason we do it often is, well, it's
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Speaker 1: it's there's there's two reasons here. Number one, it's because
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Speaker 1: we genuinely did think it at one point, or someone
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Speaker 1: made us believe something bad about ourselves. But then the
8:48
Speaker 1: main problem is is that the brain likes to think
8:51
Speaker 1: like thoughts. So when we have this negative thought, it's
8:54
Speaker 1: easy to think of a similar negative thought, and then
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Speaker 1: a similar negative thought, and it goes on and on
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Speaker 1: and on. And when you're in that spiral of negative
9:00
Speaker 1: thoughts about yourself and negative self talk and limiting beliefs
9:04
Speaker 1: of what you are capable of achieving. When you're in
9:07
Speaker 1: that spiral, it's very easy to continue down that spiral.
9:10
Speaker 1: You're going with the flow of the current. If you
9:12
Speaker 1: try and go to someone who's very comfortable in their
9:15
Speaker 1: own skin, has a lot of purpose in their life,
9:17
Speaker 1: is really really happy, and say to them, think a
9:19
Speaker 1: negative thought about yourself, they might find a negative thought,
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Speaker 1: But then it's not really easy for them to think
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Speaker 1: of all these other negative thoughts because they're so ingrained
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Speaker 1: in thinking like thoughts about their current life that they're
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Speaker 1: very happy with. So their spiral of thoughts is this
9:34
Speaker 1: upward spiral of like, really happy with my life, I'm
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Speaker 1: really grateful with everything that's happening, I've got purpose.
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Speaker 2: I'm enjoying my growth, blah blah blah blah.
9:41
Speaker 1: L So then they might be able to think a
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Speaker 1: negative thought, but then they just go back to all
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Speaker 1: the other like thoughts that they've got, of all the
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Speaker 1: thoughts that are.
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Speaker 2: Normally ruminating in their head.
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Speaker 1: Right, you can get someone who's happy to then become depressed,
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Speaker 1: and you can get someone who's always in these negative,
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Speaker 1: downward spirals to become happy, but it's breaking the cycle
10:00
Speaker 1: of the thought patterns.
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Speaker 2: Now.
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Speaker 1: Depression is something that I'm not going to cover here
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Speaker 1: because that's a completely different topic.
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Speaker 2: We're talking about a legitimate chemical imbalance in a brain,
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Speaker 2: and I'm going to do a whole podcast on that.
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Speaker 1: But I'm talking about these limiting beliefs and negative self talk,
10:15
Speaker 1: and I'm not categorizing that in depression because you might
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Speaker 1: have depression and that, but you might also just have
10:21
Speaker 1: that and not be depressed.
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Speaker 2: So I just want to make that very clear. They
10:24
Speaker 2: are separate.
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Speaker 1: If you are someone that's always got the negative self
10:29
Speaker 1: talk and limiting beliefs, what you need to be doing
10:31
Speaker 1: to let go of that is you need to implement
10:33
Speaker 1: circuit breakers in your life. Because, like I said, like
10:37
Speaker 1: attracts like in everything, especially your thoughts. So if you're
10:42
Speaker 1: going to go down and down with spiral, it's just
10:44
Speaker 1: going to continue happening.
10:45
Speaker 2: Unless you can have a circuit breaker.
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Speaker 1: But the main thing that you want to do at
10:49
Speaker 1: the start of the day is I would highly recommend
10:53
Speaker 1: that you go over this list at the start of
10:55
Speaker 1: every day thinking like you wake up in the morning
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Speaker 1: and you think, these are the things that I'm letting
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Speaker 1: go off today, bang bang.
11:00
Speaker 2: Bang bang bang.
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Speaker 1: And if you are someone that does engage in negative
11:05
Speaker 1: self talk or you've got all these limiting beliefs, I
11:07
Speaker 1: want you at the start of every day to implement
11:11
Speaker 1: a circuit breaker, like what's the thought that I'm going
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Speaker 1: to have that's going to snap me out.
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Speaker 2: Of this spiral.
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Speaker 1: Because the shorter you can make the time spent every time,
11:21
Speaker 1: then the shorter, it gets and it gets shorter and
11:23
Speaker 1: shorter and shorter. So say you spend you know, ten
11:25
Speaker 1: minutes every time you think negative thought, you spend ten
11:27
Speaker 1: minutes ruminating. If you can have that circuit breaker, then
11:30
Speaker 1: the next date it's going to be five minutes. And
11:32
Speaker 1: then you might have just ruminating rumination for five minutes
11:35
Speaker 1: for about a week.
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Speaker 2: Then you can get it down to four and three
11:37
Speaker 2: and two, and.
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Speaker 1: Then eventually you can start replacing them with all these
11:40
Speaker 1: much better thoughts about yourself. So what you want to
11:43
Speaker 1: be doing is number one, implement a circuit breaker thought
11:47
Speaker 1: I personally what I have. And I created this when
11:51
Speaker 1: I was heartbroken. So when I was really sad, It
11:53
Speaker 1: wasn't that I was having negative self talk that much,
11:56
Speaker 1: but it was it was sadness over a heartbreak. So
11:59
Speaker 1: when I was in these like slumps that I just
12:01
Speaker 1: could not get out of, and I was so sad
12:03
Speaker 1: and literally it was like getting to a point of
12:05
Speaker 1: like severe self pity where I was just like wallowing.
12:07
Speaker 2: It was fucked up.
12:08
Speaker 1: Anyway, I created a list in my phone, just in
12:12
Speaker 1: my notes of funny things that have happened in my
12:15
Speaker 1: life or funny stories that my family has, or that
12:19
Speaker 1: my friends have things that have literally made me like
12:22
Speaker 1: barely laugh where I'm like tears streaming down my face
12:24
Speaker 1: with laughter, and I would add them to that list.
12:27
Speaker 2: I can tell you, hands down, that is a fucking.
12:29
Speaker 1: Phenomenal circuit breaker, and you want to have as many
12:31
Speaker 1: as possible because some days one thing makes you laugh
12:34
Speaker 1: hysterically but not as much another day, and another day
12:37
Speaker 1: it's the other thing that makes you laugh. So the
12:38
Speaker 1: more things you can have on that list, the better.
12:40
Speaker 1: So when I would be in that, I would switch
12:42
Speaker 1: to this list and the first one would be like,
12:44
Speaker 1: oh yeah, it's good. The second one will be like,
12:46
Speaker 1: oh yeah, that's fun. And then as I went down
12:48
Speaker 1: the list, I started lifting my mood, lifting my mood
12:50
Speaker 1: because I've started I started bombarding my mind with.
12:53
Speaker 2: All these hilarious, hilarious memories.
12:56
Speaker 1: Right, I recommend circuit breakers to be things that you
12:59
Speaker 1: were completely in control off and that your thoughts are
13:02
Speaker 1: not going to get ambushed with. So, for example, I
13:05
Speaker 1: don't recommend social media as a positive circuit breaker. I
13:08
Speaker 1: don't think there's anything wrong with it in and of
13:10
Speaker 1: itself if you're feeling fine, but if you're really sad
13:13
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, go on social media. The issue
13:15
Speaker 1: with that is that you don't predict what you're scrolling through.
13:18
Speaker 1: You don't know what the next post is going to be,
13:20
Speaker 1: so there could be something that triggers more sadness there
13:22
Speaker 1: because you have not created this content, you don't know
13:24
Speaker 1: what's coming. So if you are trying to break the circuit,
13:27
Speaker 1: social media is not one of the things I want
13:29
Speaker 1: you going to No matter how much you enjoy scrolling,
13:31
Speaker 1: that's not what you're going to. I want it to
13:33
Speaker 1: be something where you've curated something that is a safe
13:36
Speaker 1: space for you to break that circuit. Once you've broken
13:40
Speaker 1: the circuit, you're now in neutral ground. So you go
13:43
Speaker 1: from sad to them being in neutral ground. And what
13:46
Speaker 1: I've been by neutral ground is you've broken that cycle
13:48
Speaker 1: of negative thoughts and you've stopped it for a moment.
13:51
Speaker 1: At least you have stopped those negative thoughts. Then you're
13:54
Speaker 1: going to think of one good thought and it doesn't
13:57
Speaker 1: have to be so positive, because I know it's really
13:59
Speaker 1: hard to be like you know with these affirmations. It's like, I'm,
14:03
Speaker 1: you know, so rich when you're literally in poverty and
14:05
Speaker 1: struggling every day. It's pretty fucking hard to believe. And
14:08
Speaker 1: I'm all for affirmations, but you've got to have smart, actionable,
14:11
Speaker 1: proper good affirmations that work. So what I do is
14:14
Speaker 1: I talk about like the ladder sequence, and this occurs
14:17
Speaker 1: in when you do cognitive behavior therapy for anxiety as well.
14:23
Speaker 1: What you want to do is you start with like
14:25
Speaker 1: something little that's believable and achievable. Okay, that works, and
14:28
Speaker 1: then you take the next step up the ladder rung,
14:30
Speaker 1: and then the next and the next. It's you would
14:31
Speaker 1: never go from one step to the top rung of
14:33
Speaker 1: the ladder. It's really difficult, if not impossible, to do that.
14:36
Speaker 1: So what you're going to do is take these small steps.
14:38
Speaker 1: So you want to think once you're in neutral ground,
14:40
Speaker 1: you want to think of a good neutralizing thought. So
14:45
Speaker 1: say your thoughts about yourself are I you know, no
14:50
Speaker 1: one likes me, I am ugly. Let's say that that's
14:54
Speaker 1: your negative thought, and you think these awful thoughts about
14:56
Speaker 1: yourself and your appearance and that you're undesirable on all
14:59
Speaker 1: of that, and spiral, spiral, spiral. Then you have like
15:01
Speaker 1: a good circle breaker, something that's made you laugh, something
15:03
Speaker 1: that's put you in a lighter mood, and it's broken
15:07
Speaker 1: that spiral.
15:08
Speaker 2: Then you want to go in with a more neutral thought.
15:11
Speaker 1: So instead of being like, I'm the hottest person in
15:13
Speaker 1: the world and everyone wants me because you just don't
15:14
Speaker 1: believe that right now, you could then think off one, two,
15:19
Speaker 1: or three things that are like neutralizing but slightly positive.
15:25
Speaker 1: So you could say, I am lovable because I provide
15:30
Speaker 1: value with other people. I'm funny and I make people
15:33
Speaker 1: feel heard, or I make people feel loved. That's a
15:37
Speaker 1: much better thought than thinking nobody loves me, nobody desires me,
15:41
Speaker 1: you know.
15:42
Speaker 2: So there's all and then from that you can then
15:44
Speaker 2: take the next.
15:44
Speaker 1: Step up, and the next step up and the next
15:46
Speaker 1: step up. So that's one of the many ways that
15:47
Speaker 1: you can sort of try and break that. But the
15:49
Speaker 1: main thing you want to think about is implement a
15:51
Speaker 1: circuit breaker when you're going down that down with spiral
16:02
Speaker 1: s