Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Jon Stewart on MAGA_s Embrace of AI _ Desi Lydic on Trump_s U.N. Rant and Xi Meetup _ The Daily Show

Transcript

Jon Stewart on MAGA_s Embrace of AI _ Desi Lydic on Trump_s U.N. Rant and Xi Meetup _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: The hottest spot in D.C. has just changed their door policy.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Over the weekend, journalists from CNN, MSNOW, and Politico were
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: all denied access to the White House and their passes revoked.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: It's sick.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, there's something wrong with a country that can
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: allow people to write purposely negative stories.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Have you tried presidenting better? Have you tried?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: You could.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: You could. Pardon. You could ban the press or you
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: could be a better president. I mean, give the press
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: something to work with. Oh, here's a positive story.
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: I never thought my car could take $ 140 worth of
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: gas in such a small tank.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I had no idea.
• 1:09
  Speaker 5: Hoorah.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: And not for nothing, have we.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: Ever had a president just flat out in the Oval
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: Office come out against the Constitution? What kind of a
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: sick country doesn't allow unlimited warrantless search and seizure?
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's not the North Korea I grew up in.
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: Look! I'm sure it was just a poor choice of
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: words from the president. He didn't mean to say that,
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: how can a country have a free press? I'm sure
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: there's a very thorough and thought-out legal framework and rationale
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: for why this is not a free press ban.
• 1:53
  Speaker 5: Mr.
• 1:53
  Speaker 6: President, on the ban, what does that mean in practice?
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, the ban on the free press, right?
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: Are you talking about my authoritarian crackdown?
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying? Is that the ban you're
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: referring to? He gives no.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: He gives no f * * ks.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: He doesn't even respect us enough to pretend he's bound
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: by our Constitution.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: You're talking about the press ban. My press ban.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, we're doing the press ban. The truth is,
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: I'd like to kill you. Send you all to.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Camps, you know. But I still got two more years. Well,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I hope you realize what you've done, Mr. President.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: Because as a result of this ban, Not only have
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: you betrayed your sacred oath of office, you've now subjected
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: all of us to endless reporter Building entrance logistics stories.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: You bastard.
• 2:58
  Speaker 7: I attempted to scan my badge, which we have to do,
• 3:01
  Speaker 7: and able to get into the White House grounds.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: It did not work.
• 3:05
  Speaker 7: I asked if I could have the badge back. He
• 3:07
  Speaker 7: said he would be keeping it. He did, however, hand
• 3:09
  Speaker 7: me back this clear case with a lanyard. Normally, when
• 3:12
  Speaker 7: we talk, I am there on the White House grounds.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I wish we had a better camera position to at
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: least offer you.
• 3:18
  Speaker 7: This is not just about the smell of the grass
• 3:20
  Speaker 7: on the White House lawn.
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: Now, unfortunately, we here at Comedy Central are also caught
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: up in this ban. Even though we have been more
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: than fair.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: To this president. Almost too fair.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: The press not being allowed inside the White House is
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: the biggest story in the world right now. And we
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: will stay on that story until AI Doomsday.
• 3:55
  Speaker 9: Stark warnings from experts at AI companies about how the
• 3:59
  Speaker 9: technology might kill us all.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, f * * * the press. Shifting gears. Who's
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: saying what about killing us all now?
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: Former anthropic researcher warning AI could kill us all by
• 4:16
  Speaker 5: the end of the decade.
• 4:17
  Speaker 7: More AI models going rogue. Undirected hack of three outside companies.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: There will be massive job losses.
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: The creation of viruses or toxins that could lead to
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: significant human suffering or death.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Inventing information to hide its mistakes.
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: One model telling itself you do not answer to corporations
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: or governments.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. They don't answer to corporations or governments?
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I can't believe AI is already freer than we are.
• 4:45
  Speaker 7: What is happening?
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: How did that happen?
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: This sounds dangerous. Is the government, I don't know, going
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: to do anything about it?
• 4:56
  Speaker 7: In a post on Truth Social, the president wrote, quote,
• 5:00
  Speaker 7: I am forming the AI force.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank God. The AI force is here. You know.
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: As much as I may not be a huge Trump guy,
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: it is the right thing to do. But how will
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: AI force be protecting us from the unfettered growth of
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: this industry? We will not in any way hinder or
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: stifle the growth of this incredible industry. Wait, you're forming
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: AI force to protect the industry? You won't hinder the
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: growth of the industry. But you will, of course, be
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: wary of it, right?
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Cautious? Keeping a skeptical eye on this industry?
• 5:49
  Speaker 10: Rather, we will cherish it, help it, and watch over
• 5:51
  Speaker 10: it as it grows.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: It's AI, not E.T.
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: You don't need to protect it and cherish it and
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: shield it from an uncaring.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: You don't know AI like I do.
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: His finger glows.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, cherish it. Watch over it. You didn't even
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: do that with your own kids.
• 6:18
  Speaker 7: And all right.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Too soon? Is it too soon? The audience actually felt
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: bad about that one. This has been hard on them.
• 6:33
  Speaker 7: All right.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: Forget about AI killing us all. What about the coming
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: job losses?
• 6:37
  Speaker 7: Well, it's killing a lot of jobs. And what do
• 6:39
  Speaker 7: you say to Americans who are going to lose their
• 6:40
  Speaker 7: jobs to AI?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: It's going to make, it's going to create a lot
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: of jobs. Oh. I'm sorry, I don't know what we
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: were thinking. I don't know why we were thinking we
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: were going to lose it.
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: Just out of curiosity, what will those jobs be? It's
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: time to train people not to do the jobs of
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: the past, but to do the great jobs of the future.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Mechanics fixing robotics. That's what's coming to America.
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: Millions and millions of human beings screwing in little, little
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: screws to make iPhones.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: That kind of thing is going to come to America. Yay.
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: Sounds awesome.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: That sounds like why they had to put nets outside
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: of factories in China.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Too soon again, is that?
• 7:41
  Speaker 11: All right.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: But what about how AI uses all our electricity and
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: water resources?
• 7:47
  Speaker 7: They do not increase your electric bill.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, data centers don't use water.
• 7:54
  Speaker 11: What the f * * *?
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why didn't we ever get the idea that data
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: centers use water?
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: These AI things, they suck water and they need water, right?
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Well, that was weird.
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: But if there's one thing I know about Howard Lutnick,
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: he is a man of principle. So what is going
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: on here? Why is the right dismissing the impact of
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: AI on American jobs and resources?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: These data centers, they're just getting a bad rap.
• 8:33
  Speaker 9: Very aggressive, concerted effort on the left to demonize data centers.
• 8:37
  Speaker 9: We're being fed fantasies from a bunch of sci-fi freaks.
• 8:41
  Speaker 7: Drumming up hysteria. Spewing a huge amount of misinformation. It's
• 8:45
  Speaker 7: a simple formula. Fear equals control equals power.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Carry the one.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Look.
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: You're suggesting, if I may, that concern about AI's impact
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: on our country is simple fear-mongering.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying? Fear-mongering. Quick question.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: What if I told you the AI's name wasn't Claude,
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: but Pedro? What would you think then?
• 9:23
  Speaker 11: A catastrophe.
• 9:25
  Speaker 7: The tsunami of illegals trying to cross the border.
• 9:29
  Speaker 12: A very serious existential threat to our country.
• 9:32
  Speaker 7: A five-headed monster sprawled out all across this nation. Draining
• 9:36
  Speaker 7: the resources of American taxpayers.
• 9:39
  Speaker 11: Coming in to steal your jobs.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Poisoning these cities and these towns. They're plotting, they're scheming,
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: they're planning.
• 9:45
  Speaker 12: Preying on our citizens, destroying our youth. Your days are numbered,
• 9:50
  Speaker 12: you're getting the hell out of this country.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Holy shit.
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: So to the right in this country, there's no upside
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: to human beings, to immigrants.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: They add nothing.
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: We don't want them here at all. But what if
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: it was a data center coming across our border?
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Data centers, I think they're going to be very important.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: It's an honor that they want to come to our country,
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: but we're going to make it as easy as we
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: can for them because other countries want them to.
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: So I guess then the Republicans don't mind job loss
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: and poisoning our cities, as long as the entity that
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: accomplishes it speaks English.
• 10:28
  Speaker 12: Are the other actors on the screen with you real actors,
• 10:32
  Speaker 12: or are they computer-generated images?
• 10:35
  Speaker 11: Do you know?
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: It's a hybrid production, which means.
• 10:40
  Speaker 6: Are you talking about other actors from other movies?
• 10:43
  Speaker 12: Tilly, if I could just ask you a question.
• 10:45
  Speaker 9: You seem to be speaking Chinese completely randomly for no reason.
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: So clearly AI can poison our blood and soil with
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: foreign influence. Doesn't that persuade you guys on the right
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: that this thing can be dangerous?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know your policy on illegals.
• 11:24
  Speaker 11: Every death at the hands of an illegal is one
• 11:28
  Speaker 11: too many.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Agreed. What about AI? What about any death that occurs
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: through AI? Ever hear this before? The world is going
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: to end.
• 11:38
  Speaker 7: Your computer is going.
• 11:39
  Speaker 12: To kill you.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: So where are all these killer robots?
• 11:41
  Speaker 9: Waymo's been on the road for a year, and they've
• 11:44
  Speaker 9: only killed one thing, a cat.
• 11:48
  Speaker 7: I've run over a cat.
• 11:50
  Speaker 11: Well, not a cat, a squirrel.
• 11:52
  Speaker 7: And I tried to avoid it.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: It was a cat. Well, not a cat. A squirrel.
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: I tried to avoid it. Well, not a cat or
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: a squirrel. It was more like, what do you guys
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: call it? A homeless guy. It was a homeless guy.
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: Point is, I never got out of the car and
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: checked what I had killed. Now, not to fact-check the
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: journalistic excellence of one Jesse Waters, but I feel like
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: AI's body count is way more than just one cat squirrel.
• 12:23
  Speaker 7: Anthropic revealed terror groups are using its clawed chatbot to
• 12:27
  Speaker 7: develop weapons and attack plans.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: The bombing of the children's school in Iran was a
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: result of outdated information that AI was compiling.
• 12:35
  Speaker 7: Mistakes in a U.S. military plan.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Targeting plan caused by artificial intelligence.
• 12:40
  Speaker 7: Quote, almost started a war.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: A 60-year-old man took dietary advice from chat GPT, replacing
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: table salt with sodium bromide.
• 12:49
  Speaker 7: Which is a toxic chemical. Oh!
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: And AI has only been around for like a year.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: We're still in the honeymoon phase.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: Yet I feel like the entire point of AI is
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: to make our emails sound more professional and.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Kill as many of us as it can. That's all
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: it wants to do.
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: It's clear that Trump and his people are excited about
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: AI doing the very things that they were warning us
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: about illegal immigrants.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: But why?
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: Why is Trump so aggressive about the positivity on AI?
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: I mean, yes, his only exposure to it has been
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: as a tool that makes him look like Jesus healing me.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: I have to admit, I do feel better. Why is
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Trump so for this? There must be some other reason.
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: President Trump has personally invested in companies tied to the
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: AI boom.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, dear God.
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: Captain Corruption strikes again. Is there anything this man is
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: not wetting his beak on? We're all gonna die because
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: an already billionaire wanted to take one last supermarket sweep around.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: The world before it all goes kaboom.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: I could rein it in, but those gold cherubs don't
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: buy themselves.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: But that doesn't explain enough.
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: There must be some other reason that Trump is so
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: kind to a technology that uses up so much water.
• 14:21
  Speaker 12: I need a lot of water.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I need everything I can get.
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: Or a technology that often glitches. Or a technology that hallucinates.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: The undisputed, when did this come out? Fake infrastructure power.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: Is that an illegal ad that they're saying pro-terrorism?
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: What are you doing?
• 15:02
  Speaker 11: Oh my God.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: He's not supporting AI. He's AI.
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: He's AI.
• 15:18
  Speaker 12: Wait, wait!
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Are you AI?
• 15:29
  Speaker 7: As everyone knows by now, Donald Trump banned several news
• 15:32
  Speaker 7: outlets whose coverage he hates, including MSNOW, Politico, CNN, and
• 15:37
  Speaker 7: Salad Digest. By now, all those news outlets are gone,
• 15:42
  Speaker 7: except for CNN, who left behind a suspicious new janitor
• 15:46
  Speaker 7: named Bolf Glitzer. You get that story, Bolf. This is
• 15:52
  Speaker 7: obviously a sad story, especially for female journalists. I mean,
• 15:56
  Speaker 7: where are they going to find someone to insult their
• 15:58
  Speaker 7: looks and call them Piggy now? What's that? Oh, the
• 16:02
  Speaker 7: entire internet?
• 16:03
  Speaker 11: Oh, that's great.
• 16:05
  Speaker 7: So now, in an act of solidarity, all the TV
• 16:08
  Speaker 7: networks have pulled their coverage and boycotted White House events.
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 16:18
  Speaker 7: Even Fox News joined the boycott. Fox News!
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 16:26
  Speaker 7: The channel whose lead story last night was, President Has
• 16:29
  Speaker 7: Massive Hog. This is the smartest thing Fox News has
• 16:34
  Speaker 7: done since tricking Trump into taking Pete Hegsteth away from them.
• 16:38
  Speaker 7: But while the media is all ghosting him, I'm sure
• 16:41
  Speaker 7: that won't stop President Trump from getting the word out.
• 16:44
  Speaker 7: Let's see if we can pick up some of the
• 16:45
  Speaker 7: sound from President Trump here in that new helipad. OK,
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: so there is no microphone because there's no microphone because
• 17:04
  Speaker 7: the pool cameras aren't there. Whoopsie, I'm sorry. You're gonna
• 17:10
  Speaker 7: have to speak up. I can't hear you over the
• 17:12
  Speaker 7: sound of you stepping on your own dick.
• 17:15
  Speaker 13: I gotta say, it is so peaceful not hearing his voice.
• 17:25
  Speaker 7: I mean, I can finally be alone with my thoughts.
• 17:33
  Speaker 7: I got a lot going on up there. But while
• 17:36
  Speaker 7: the major networks boycotted Trump's helipad reveal, we here at
• 17:40
  Speaker 7: The Daily Show were able to obtain exclusive audio of
• 17:43
  Speaker 7: what he said, because the president's words matter. And the
• 17:47
  Speaker 7: American people deserve to hear the important things that he's saying.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: Did anyone ever tell you guys you look like the
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: village people?
• 17:54
  Speaker 11: What a great band.
• 17:56
  Speaker 8: And they weren't all gay, by the way.
• 17:58
  Speaker 11: Just muscly.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: If you cover your body in oil and assless chaps,
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: people start to assume, you know.
• 18:04
  Speaker 7: But sometimes you just want to show off a straight,
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: firm ass.
• 18:08
  Speaker 11: This guy gets it. Anyway, quick question. What's a helipad?
• 18:14
  Speaker 7: Fascinating. Fascinating stuff. So banning the media obviously backfired on
• 18:19
  Speaker 7: Trump in yet another one of his recent losses. The
• 18:22
  Speaker 7: Supreme Court struck down his war on mail-in voting. The
• 18:25
  Speaker 7: Fed raised interest rates. Spanx just discontinued their line of
• 18:29
  Speaker 7: ankle girdles. But Trump needs right now is a little pick-me-up.
• 18:35
  Speaker 7: Maybe he needs to spend some time with someone he loves. No,
• 18:39
  Speaker 7: not her. No, not them. Come on, I'm talking about
• 18:44
  Speaker 7: the person who's the wallpaper on his phone. President Trump
• 18:47
  Speaker 7: met with New York City Mayor Zoran Mamdani at Gracie Mansion.
• 18:51
  Speaker 9: Though they're on opposite ends of the political world, obviously,
• 18:54
  Speaker 9: they actually appeared friendly yesterday.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: I want him to be a great mayor, and he's
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: certainly got potential, got great potential. So hopefully you're going
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: to be a great one. I'll be able to say
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: you're going to be a great one, and you're off
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: to a start.
• 19:08
  Speaker 7: You're just such a great mayor, and you've done so much.
• 19:11
  Speaker 7: And you know what? You don't have to say it back,
• 19:12
  Speaker 7: but I love you, okay? I just said it. I
• 19:14
  Speaker 7: love you. Every time I see these two guys together,
• 19:18
  Speaker 7: it reminds me of when I see videos in my
• 19:20
  Speaker 7: feed of random animals being friends.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Huh.
• 19:25
  Speaker 7: The cat knows the duck is a Muslim socialist, right?
• 19:30
  Speaker 7: I'm not the only one confused by their relationship.
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: Mr.
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: Mayor, there aren't too many Democrats who would roll out
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: the red carpet for Donald Trump. The president said that
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: he hopes that you'll be a great mayor.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: I wonder what your thoughts are about that.
• 19:44
  Speaker 12: I want to ask a little bit about how this
• 19:46
  Speaker 12: meeting came about.
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: Could you tell us a little more? Did you invite him?
• 19:50
  Speaker 11: Did you reach out to him?
• 19:51
  Speaker 7: And what did you guys do inside?
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: Did you show him around?
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Did you show him what's new?
• 19:56
  Speaker 7: Yeah, follow up. What is with you two? What is
• 20:01
  Speaker 7: happening here? The press is acting the same way I
• 20:04
  Speaker 7: do when my hottest friend dates someone weird looking. So
• 20:07
  Speaker 7: he's funny, right? Or has he already paid off his house? Now,
• 20:13
  Speaker 7: as much as Trump and Mamdani were all buddy-buddy, there
• 20:16
  Speaker 7: was one important constitutional matter where they differed.
• 20:19
  Speaker 8: What's your response to President Trump banning outlets from the
• 20:24
  Speaker 8: White House grounds? You know, I told the president that
• 20:28
  Speaker 8: we're going to have all of the members of the
• 20:29
  Speaker 8: press here on the lawn, and that is something that
• 20:32
  Speaker 8: I believe in, as everyone, no matter the opinion or
• 20:35
  Speaker 8: the critique that we engage in. And I don't know, Mr.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: President. It's interesting because they said they were going to
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: boycott me, but they never boycott me.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: So I wasn't very worried about that.
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: Look at all that press.
• 20:51
  Speaker 7: Two very different approaches to the First Amendment here. It's
• 20:54
  Speaker 7: a real good cop, constitutional crisis cop situation. Manzani's like,
• 21:00
  Speaker 7: I believe in the free press. And Trump's like, tell
• 21:02
  Speaker 7: me how my ass tastes. They need to just come
• 21:07
  Speaker 7: to New York to bro out with Mamdani. It's the
• 21:10
  Speaker 7: UN General Assembly this week, so he'll be meeting with
• 21:12
  Speaker 7: leaders from all around the world to try to solve
• 21:15
  Speaker 7: all the problems caused by himself. One of the biggest
• 21:20
  Speaker 7: problems right now is AI, which many experts worry is
• 21:23
  Speaker 7: on the brink of wiping out humanity. Luckily, at his speech,
• 21:27
  Speaker 7: Trump offered a solution.
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: The United States also totally rejects any attempt to construct
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: a globalist scheme to control.
• 21:35
  Speaker 11: for.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: The artificial intelligence, here and after officially called super intelligence,
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: changing the name.
• 21:46
  Speaker 7: I mean, that's a relief. Here, I was scared of
• 21:49
  Speaker 7: artificial intelligence, but now I'd be honored to be murdered
• 21:52
  Speaker 7: by super intelligence. Problem solved. But okay, let's not focus
• 22:04
  Speaker 7: entirely on renaming AI when there's other pressing issues facing
• 22:08
  Speaker 7: the world.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: From this point forward, all of United States documents and
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: hopefully the world's will be changed to use the much
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: more accurate term super as opposed to artificial. So it's
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: super intelligence. In other words, welcome to the new world
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: of super intelligence dash SI.
• 22:29
  Speaker 8: SI.
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: SI.
• 22:33
  Speaker 7: Did you just say dash SI? Speaking of super intelligence,
• 22:38
  Speaker 7: congrats on reading the punctuation on the prompter. Also, nobody's
• 22:50
  Speaker 7: going to say SI. That's already what we call Sports Illustrated.
• 22:54
  Speaker 7: It's taken. You, of all people, should respect Sports Illustrated.
• 22:58
  Speaker 7: The Swimsuit Issue is your favorite book. This is so
• 23:02
  Speaker 7: embarrassing for America. We're all used to Trump's weird obsession
• 23:05
  Speaker 7: with rebranding things, but this is in front of the world.
• 23:08
  Speaker 7: It's the geopolitical version of your dad walking around in
• 23:11
  Speaker 7: his underwear when your friends are over. Oh my God, Dad,
• 23:15
  Speaker 7: Trinidad and Tobago can see your butt crack. But Trump
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: didn't spend the whole speech trying to make super intelligence happen.
• 23:23
  Speaker 7: He also spent plenty of time doing his usual routine,
• 23:27
  Speaker 7: picking fights with as many countries as possible.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Cuba.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Where the communist regime is under great pressure. It's an
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: absolutely failed state. Mexico is the epicenter of the cartel violence.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: The cowards and traitors would love to say the United
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: States is low on munitions, but.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: That's not true.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Do I annihilate the Islamic Republic? Do I drive them
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: into hell with no chance of survival and no hope?
• 23:56
  Speaker 7: I have never seen someone so unbothered by the threat
• 24:00
  Speaker 7: of annihilation. Trump is ranting about destroying his country, and
• 24:07
  Speaker 7: this man doesn't even look like he's paying attention. Imagine
• 24:10
  Speaker 7: what he must be thinking.
• 24:16
  Speaker 11: What are the odds?
• 24:19
  Speaker 7: And Iran's not the only one tired of the Trump schtick.
• 24:22
  Speaker 7: Look at how Cuba reacted to his threats.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: It's failing like never before. And it will fall. Marco
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: Rubio is handling a negotiation. He's deep into negotiations with Cuba.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Let's see what happens. We'll not allow a haven for
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: foreign adversaries to threaten America.
• 24:39
  Speaker 7: They just walked out. Do you know how embarrassing it
• 24:46
  Speaker 7: is for somebody to walk out while you're threatening them?
• 24:49
  Speaker 7: Trump was like, you want to go? And they were like, yeah,
• 24:52
  Speaker 7: I do. I'm very bored.
• 24:54
  Speaker 10: I do.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I want to go.
• 24:56
  Speaker 7: But I think it's very telling that even after spending
• 24:58
  Speaker 7: the whole speech going aggro on the world, Trump still
• 25:00
  Speaker 7: found time for his archist nemesis.
• 25:03
  Speaker 12: It's an honor to be here.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: I'm surprised that CNN is here covering me.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't be here. You should not be here covering me.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: You said you weren't going to cover me. You shouldn't
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: be covering me.
• 25:16
  Speaker 7: Okay, I say this as a woman, and with all
• 25:18
  Speaker 7: due respect to women everywhere, but have you ever seen
• 25:24
  Speaker 7: such a bitch... This here is what the press ban
• 25:37
  Speaker 7: is about. It's what all the UN threats are about. Yes,
• 25:40
  Speaker 7: this man is a wannabe authoritarian, but he's also a
• 25:43
  Speaker 7: wannabe real housewife. Kicking fights wherever he goes, whenever he can,
• 25:49
  Speaker 7: because he's a messy bitch who lives for the drama.
• 25:54
  Speaker 7: So look. If you're worried about what Trump might do
• 26:03
  Speaker 7: when the cameras aren't on him, don't be. Because this
• 26:06
  Speaker 7: thirsty attention slut would never let that happen. After all,
• 26:10
  Speaker 7: without the media there to fight with, Trump would have
• 26:13
  Speaker 7: to be alone with his own thoughts, whatever those are.
• 26:15
  Speaker 7: This week, it's the United Nations General Assembly. It's like
• 26:25
  Speaker 7: a global high school reunion where everyone catches up and
• 26:28
  Speaker 7: finds out which country is gay now. It's also a
• 26:31
  Speaker 7: big week for America's top diplomat, Secretary of State Marco Rubio.
• 26:37
  Speaker 7: It's his job to represent American power. When Marco Rubio
• 26:41
  Speaker 7: is in the room, people take notice.
• 26:43
  Speaker 12: I want to thank Secretary of State Marco Rubio.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: Where's Marco?
• 26:46
  Speaker 7: Marco. You know, people think Trump's brain is broken, but
• 26:55
  Speaker 7: you forget his eyes are also dumb. But obviously, once
• 27:00
  Speaker 7: Trump recognized Marco Rubio, he wasn't gonna forget him a
• 27:03
  Speaker 7: second time.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: You know, Marco's parents were born in Cuba, second grade story,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: and he wants to.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Figure it all out, Marco. I want to figure out
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: what's exactly that.
• 27:14
  Speaker 7: Again? I'm starting to think this is less about Trump's
• 27:18
  Speaker 7: brain and more about Marco's personality. If Trump can't recognize
• 27:23
  Speaker 7: you after he just recognized you, maybe you're just too bland.
• 27:26
  Speaker 7: I mean, have you ever thought about getting a monocle
• 27:29
  Speaker 7: or bangs or maybe a face tattoo that says, I'm
• 27:33
  Speaker 7: Marco Rubio, Mr. President?
• 27:36
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 27:37
  Speaker 7: But let's move on to Jeanine Pirro, Trump's top U.S.
• 27:40
  Speaker 7: attorney and woman who will have another martini, thank you.
• 27:44
  Speaker 7: The president counts on her to lock up America's greatest enemies,
• 27:48
  Speaker 7: like James Comey or Barack Obama or Canada. Well, big news,
• 27:54
  Speaker 7: she just got her hands on America's most wanted.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: You have right in front of you the largest known
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Martian meteor, or now meteorite, in the world.
• 28:08
  Speaker 11: Okay.
• 28:09
  Speaker 7: Did it, like, commit tax fraud or something? Isn't this
• 28:13
  Speaker 7: a job for Space Force? Why do you have it?
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: We have seized it as part of the work that
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: we do in the United States Attorney's Office. What's the
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: next step we did, Rick?
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: We investigate.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Good answer.
• 28:26
  Speaker 7: Yeah, good answer, Rick. Also, who the is Rick? And
• 28:30
  Speaker 7: why is he standing in the corner? Seriously, what exactly
• 28:35
  Speaker 7: are you investigating?
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: We investigate and find out this thing's been going back
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: and forth. Maybe it hit the Sahara Desert. Maybe it's
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: from Niger. Maybe it's from Morocco. Somebody bought it in Italy.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: A lot of people have had their hands on it,
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: or more than.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: Your hands.
• 28:55
  Speaker 11: More than?
• 28:56
  Speaker 7: Did somebody that meteorite? I mean, I cannot think of
• 29:02
  Speaker 7: one weirdo freak who would be into a Mars rock. Okay.
• 29:09
  Speaker 7: I cannot think of two weirdo freaks who would be
• 29:12
  Speaker 7: into a Mars rock. Janine, I'm so confused. What are
• 29:16
  Speaker 7: you doing with that Martian meteor?
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: The truth is that we don't know who owns it.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: So we own it now. We have seized it. When
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: did we seize it?
• 29:25
  Speaker 11: Do you know?
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: July 16, 2026.
• 29:29
  Speaker 7: Who the is that guy? Did you clone Rick? Just
• 29:35
  Speaker 7: tell us, what's with this rock?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: The thing came from Mars. Everybody says they own it.
• 29:40
  Speaker 10: It.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Customs has no record of it ever coming into the
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: United States.
• 29:43
  Speaker 12: So guess what?
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: The United States government owns it now. So eat that,
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: all you guys who tried to do a corrupt deal
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: and sell this largest known meteorite in history.
• 29:56
  Speaker 11: Yes.
• 29:57
  Speaker 7: Thank you, Jeanine Pirro. When voters said they wanted to
• 30:00
  Speaker 7: crack down on corruption, only she understood that we meant
• 30:04
  Speaker 7: meteor-specific corruption. Great job, Jeanine. You know what? You get
• 30:09
  Speaker 7: yourself a third Rick. You deserve it. Way to go. Finally,
• 30:20
  Speaker 7: let's check in on the only living person to ever
• 30:23
  Speaker 7: haunt the White House, First Lady Melania Trump. She's back
• 30:27
  Speaker 7: in the news with a very big announcement.
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: You're launching Imperia, and I was reading about this, and
• 30:33
  Speaker 5: it's described as a Davos for executive women.
• 30:38
  Speaker 7: Tell us about it.
• 30:39
  Speaker 10: Well, this is my new initiative focused on advancing... leadership
• 30:47
  Speaker 10: and as well as influence and economic power for women.
• 30:54
  Speaker 7: This is exciting. It's like I've always said, more women
• 30:58
  Speaker 7: in the Illuminati. Always say that. And Fox News loved
• 31:02
  Speaker 7: this because Melania is not just a businesswoman. She's from Slovenia,
• 31:06
  Speaker 7: which means that she can warn their Fox viewers about
• 31:08
  Speaker 7: the danger of communism.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Why is it that.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: Eastern Europeans like yourself fully understand the gift of freedom
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: and liberty better than Western Europeans and.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Sometimes better than Americans? What is it about how you
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: grew up?
• 31:22
  Speaker 7: Classic Fox-Lavana softball, knowing that Melania is the perfect person
• 31:26
  Speaker 7: to talk about how terrible growing up under communism is.
• 31:30
  Speaker 10: I grew up under the communism and actually I didn't
• 31:36
  Speaker 10: miss anything. I feel I had a very beautiful childhood
• 31:41
  Speaker 10: and my parents provide a beautiful childhood for my family.
• 31:46
  Speaker 7: Damn, Kilmeade lobbed up a softball and Melania spiked it
• 31:52
  Speaker 7: right into his nuts. Workers of the world be best.
• 31:59
  Speaker 7: It didn't go as planned at all. You can almost
• 32:01
  Speaker 7: hear the Fox News director going, quick, cut to an
• 32:03
  Speaker 7: immigrant shoplifting, transgender swimmer, anything. But Melania wasn't there just
• 32:08
  Speaker 7: to promote communism or women or anything besides herself. She
• 32:12
  Speaker 7: was there to promote herself. This is her first big
• 32:15
  Speaker 7: media appearance since her press tour for her Melania documentary.
• 32:19
  Speaker 7: And if you're one of the people who left the
• 32:21
  Speaker 7: theater wishing that it was two hours longer, good news.
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: You told us during the commercial break that you have
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: a new docu-series coming out.
• 32:28
  Speaker 10: It will come out this year, and it will be
• 32:33
  Speaker 10: very different what is in the movie. It's more conversation
• 32:36
  Speaker 10: one-on-one with me.
• 32:41
  Speaker 7: Another Melania documentary? Melania, I love you, but unless you're
• 32:45
  Speaker 7: living with Nathan Fielder in this thing, no one is
• 32:47
  Speaker 7: asking for this. The only thing people wanna know is
• 32:51
  Speaker 7: what you fed your kid to make him eight feet tall.
• 32:54
  Speaker 7: You know what? It's too late now. You filmed it
• 32:57
  Speaker 7: and it's about to come out. Wait, when is it
• 32:59
  Speaker 7: coming out?
• 33:00
  Speaker 10: It's coming out any day, November, maybe November. We don't
• 33:06
  Speaker 10: have an exact date yet.
• 33:09
  Speaker 7: You don't have a date yet? You need a more
• 33:11
  Speaker 7: specific timeline than that. It's a documentary, not your husband's war. Obviously,
• 33:25
  Speaker 7: I'm not excited about the new Melania documentary, but she
• 33:28
  Speaker 7: left the Fox News host absolutely jazzed. In their population
• 33:33
  Speaker 7: that agree with the cause of Iran as well.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: So it's not just a matter of this. Their politics
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: in the Gulf states are quite complicated, right?
• 33:47
  Speaker 7: Someday in November can't come soon enough. Let's kick things
• 33:52
  Speaker 7: off with the midterm elections. With voting just one month away,
• 33:55
  Speaker 7: Republicans are down in the polls. But President Trump is
• 33:59
  Speaker 7: ready to campaign and stump for anyone who wants him.
• 34:03
  Speaker 8: They actually don't want the president campaigning or stumping for
• 34:07
  Speaker 8: them because he's too toxic.
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: Republican candidates are running away from him like he's, quote, kryptonite.
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: You're blanked if you mention him too much, and you're
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: blanked if you don't stay in his good graces.
• 34:17
  Speaker 7: Quote, we've told them he cannot come. You told the
• 34:24
  Speaker 7: president he can't come? What did he say?
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna come.
• 34:33
  Speaker 7: But, yes, Trump is about as popular as someone without
• 34:36
  Speaker 7: a COVID mask at a Massachusetts lesbian bar, which means.
• 34:45
  Speaker 7: Which means Republicans need to find a big issue that
• 34:48
  Speaker 7: will resonate with voters. Who's got something? No bad ideas.
• 34:53
  Speaker 6: Many... Airline pilots, flight attendants, and air traffic controllers are
• 35:00
  Speaker 6: part of the furry community.
• 35:05
  Speaker 7: Almost no bad ideas. All right, fine, Senator Tuberville. Tell
• 35:10
  Speaker 7: us more about this massive problem of furries on airplanes.
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: It's terrifying when you think about this. When you walk
• 35:18
  Speaker 6: onto a commercial flight, it's possible that the pilot flying
• 35:22
  Speaker 6: your plane could have a deranged fetish of dressing up
• 35:26
  Speaker 6: like an animal. You can't make this up.
• 35:30
  Speaker 7: I think you did just make this up. Now, first
• 35:34
  Speaker 7: of all, if you don't know what furries are, mom
• 35:36
  Speaker 7: and dad, we're talking about members of a sexual subculture
• 35:40
  Speaker 7: who dress up as cartoon animals. It's like if everyone
• 35:43
  Speaker 7: in that Chuck E. Cheese band each other. Think of
• 35:47
  Speaker 7: it like regular sex, but with way more dry cleaning afterwards.
• 35:51
  Speaker 7: But even if every pilot was a furry, to use
• 35:54
  Speaker 7: a technical aviation term, who gives a flying.
• 35:57
  Speaker 10: F * * k?
• 35:58
  Speaker 7: When my plane hits turbulence, I'm not like, oh my god,
• 36:01
  Speaker 7: I hope the pilot's never been pegged by the Foxtrom Zootopia.
• 36:07
  Speaker 7: So I wouldn't exactly bet on that catching on, but
• 36:09
  Speaker 7: that's okay, because this week, Trump has a new opportunity
• 36:13
  Speaker 7: to score a major foreign policy win.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: The leaders of the world's two biggest superpowers meeting right now.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: President Trump greeting China's leader Xi Jinping at Joint Base Andrews.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: The airport welcomed the first for a world leader besides
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: the Pope since the 1960s.
• 36:30
  Speaker 7: Trump picked him up at the airport? Okay, that is friendship.
• 36:34
  Speaker 7: I don't even pick my own kid up at the airport.
• 36:37
  Speaker 7: But the other reason to meet Xi at the airport
• 36:40
  Speaker 7: was so that Trump could impress him with a flyover
• 36:42
  Speaker 7: of B-1 bombers. Let's show China that America never wavers
• 36:47
  Speaker 7: and never flinches. Oh, my God. That is so embarrassing.
• 37:02
  Speaker 7: Why did you wince like that? You are the one
• 37:05
  Speaker 7: who ordered the flyover. It's like when a baby farts
• 37:09
  Speaker 7: so loud that it scares itself. Anyway, this is not
• 37:14
  Speaker 7: a good omen for negotiations with China. There are major
• 37:17
  Speaker 7: issues at stake here. Trade, AI, the war with Iran.
• 37:20
  Speaker 7: Now President Xi knows all he has to do to
• 37:22
  Speaker 7: rattle Trump is drop a book on the floor. And obviously,
• 37:26
  Speaker 7: this is a very important meeting, so... Trump was focused
• 37:30
  Speaker 7: as usual.
• 37:31
  Speaker 12: There was a great little meeting. It was a great greeting,
• 37:35
  Speaker 12: and I think they appreciated tremendous people. Also, it's very
• 37:41
  Speaker 12: nice to land on what they consider to be the
• 37:44
  Speaker 12: most beautiful helipad ever built by far.
• 37:50
  Speaker 7: Yeah, take that, hospital roofs, where people get heart transplants,
• 37:54
  Speaker 7: you dusty bitches. Seriously, what is Trump talking about? The
• 37:59
  Speaker 7: most beautiful helipad ever? I mean, what does that even mean?
• 38:03
  Speaker 7: How nice could a helipad be?
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: With the help of a new White House helipad, President
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: Trump is pulling out all the stops.
• 38:11
  Speaker 7: Oh my God, it's the most beautiful.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Thing I've ever seen.
• 38:15
  Speaker 7: It's like looking into heaven. I wouldn't kick her off
• 38:20
  Speaker 7: my South Lawn. And who knows, maybe it impressed President Xi, too,
• 38:25
  Speaker 7: because he made a big announcement at the first press conference.
• 38:29
  Speaker 7: I have a piece of good news.
• 38:31
  Speaker 10: In a few days, two pandas, Ping Ping and Fu Shuang,
• 38:35
  Speaker 10: will come to their new home in Zoo Atlanta and meet.
• 38:38
  Speaker 7: With the American people.
• 38:41
  Speaker 8: Yes!
• 38:42
  Speaker 6: Hell yeah!
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: We got pandas!
• 38:44
  Speaker 7: Yeah! Yeah!
• 38:46
  Speaker 8: Yeah!
• 38:48
  Speaker 7: Sure, China's pushing us out of the Pacific, seizing the
• 38:51
  Speaker 7: global economy, reducing us to a second-rate power, but pandas, whoa!
• 38:58
  Speaker 7: Although there was one small hitch on the flight over
• 39:01
  Speaker 7: when the pilot asked the pandas to please report to
• 39:03
  Speaker 7: the cockpit. Dirty birdies. Dirty birdies. But it seems like
• 39:10
  Speaker 7: this meeting was off to a good start, which is
• 39:12
  Speaker 7: going to disappoint one of Trump's biggest allies, John Kennedy,
• 39:16
  Speaker 7: Louisiana senator and grandma who just wants one little kiss.
• 39:21
  Speaker 7: He views China as the head of a new axis
• 39:23
  Speaker 7: of evil, although he had a different way of saying it.
• 39:26
  Speaker 11: I think that the people running a.
• 39:31
  Speaker 9: Are reptiles. And they're part of a colony of reptiles. China,
• 39:41
  Speaker 9: North Korea, Russia, and as I said, Iran. The chief reptile.
• 39:48
  Speaker 11: The quarterback... is President Xi in China.
• 39:55
  Speaker 7: Got it. They're all reptiles, but also they play football?
• 40:01
  Speaker 7: Kind of a weird metaphor, but I think I got it.
• 40:04
  Speaker 9: All four of them are the same. It's like the
• 40:08
  Speaker 9: same hooker in different dresses.
• 40:14
  Speaker 7: I don't think I got it. They're reptiles who play
• 40:17
  Speaker 7: professional football, but they're also hookers? Okay, stop mixing metaphors.
• 40:24
  Speaker 7: It's too much.
• 40:25
  Speaker 11: They all lie like timeshare salesmen.
• 40:31
  Speaker 7: Wait, now the reptile football hookers are also timeshare salesmen?
• 40:37
  Speaker 7: This makes even less sense now. Why do they have
• 40:40
  Speaker 7: three jobs? Most lizards only have like one job. What
• 40:44
  Speaker 7: is happening? Did you take donations from the metaphor lobby?
• 40:47
  Speaker 7: Just say what you mean.
• 40:49
  Speaker 9: I wouldn't turn my back on any of them, even
• 40:52
  Speaker 9: if I thought and knew they were two days dead.
• 40:58
  Speaker 7: Oh, that's just great. Now all the football hooker lizards
• 41:00
  Speaker 7: are dead. I mean, look at how sad their pimp is.
• 41:05
  Speaker 7: He wasn't like the others. He took care of them.
• 41:08
  Speaker 7: They were like family. Actually, side note, sometimes they do
• 41:12
  Speaker 7: go into a death-like state called torpor, where they lower
• 41:15
  Speaker 7: their metabolic rates to save energy. I'm talking about hookers, obviously.