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What Is Really Stopping You? Fear, Autopilot, and the Ninth Silent War with Lauri Clontz · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: What's really stopping you from moving forward?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: For many veterans, leaders, and high performers, fear does not always look like fear.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes it looks like anger, avoidance, perfectionism, isolation, or shutting down before life can hurt us again.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: But what if those patterns are not weakness?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: What if they are survival responses, the brain learned under pressure?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Today's conversation is about fear, the ninth silent roar, breaking out of autopilot and learning how to move forward with clarity, confidence, and purpose.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: Lori Kwantz is the founder of Start Driving Your Destiny, a transformational movement focused on intentional living.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Her work helps people stop living on autopilot and begin creating their lives with clarity and purpose.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: Lori helps individuals break free from self-doubt, perfectionism, and limiting identity patterns, which is so important.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: Her message is especially powerful for people who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or held aback by old survival responses.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: And she reminds us that moving forward begins when we understand the patterns that have been driving us.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: Lori, welcome to your thoughts, your reality.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Mike.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm thrilled to have you here, my dear Brendan tell us a little more about yourself, if you will.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, before now, well, I spent about 24 years in corporate America.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: So climbing up that corporate ladder, I I learned what it felt like to be the one that everybody counted on.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody looked at, everybody, at least that's what it felt like to me on the inside, the one that made sure everything kept running and kept going.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: But for a long time, I looked really successful on the outside.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody thought things were fabulous and wonderful, doing amazing things, international teams, and you know up 24 by 7, actually, also not always so wonderful, but it looked successful.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: But it was actually being driven by fear.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because fear for me actually was perfectionism.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: It was checking all the boxes and and and making sure I was overperforming and making sure I was taking care of everything and I never dropped the ball.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: And just making sure that I felt like I was enough so that they wouldn't see what was really underneath all of that.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then I faced another fear.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Long story, we won't get into it too much.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: But when I was dating, I I had a fear of motorcycles.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a guy I was really interested in.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: And when he asked me out, it was for a motorcycle ride.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to face that fear to get on the back of that motorcycle, you know, the dating thing, trying to make the right impressions and whatnot.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: But what that motorcycle ride did is it awakened something up inside of me.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: It reminded me what freedom was really all about.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it really, I found I was really living my life on autopilot.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like, okay, it's it's time I really need to take the keys back in my own life.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that is really what my the heart of my work is now, you know, helping people who are caught up in all these fears and really old patterns that we've learned throughout our lives, recognize them, recognize how they're driving their lives.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then once you recognize them, you name them, then you can start taking the keys back a little bit and really driving your life forward with more clarity and more intention and more confidence and purpose.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so so that's that's what I'm all about for this audience, for you know, veterans and their families and leaders and trainers, I think that this really matters.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because really, so many people are not lacking strength.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they've already proven they are strong.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: The question really becomes is that pattern that was once created and protecting them and taking care of them and helping them survive that one season of life?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Is that the one you still want in the driver's seat and driving your life now?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Lori, it's it's funny.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: I I've been there, right?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: I I I want to say that 90% of the audience has probably been there in some aspect of their lives.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe not the motorcycle ride for the first date, you know, but the rest of it.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I, you know, you joke and say it's my OCD, or you know, you you you know, this or that, but really it's exactly what you're talking about, what we're gonna talk about today.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I I love that you brought that up and thank you for sharing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: So uh, you know, when you hear fear, which in the ninth silent war in my new book, what does that mean to you personally?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so when I hear that fear, the ninth silent war, I think of the battles that everyone is fighting inside that nobody else really sees.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure that's you know, some of the things you've been driving with all these different things of battles inside, but fear, fear is primal, you know, it's there, and it doesn't always look dramatic on the outside.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it looks like the person that just keeps showing up or keeps performing or keeps smiling or keeps checking all those boxes.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's what I used to do.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: But inside, they are exhausted from carrying that pressure and the self-doubt and the old stories.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: So for me personally, fear were the mask of perfectionism for a really long time.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't call it fear, right?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: I called it responsibility, I called it excellence, I call it doing the right thing.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: But underneath, it was often just that quiet fear of not being enough or being exposed that I'm less capable than what people think I am, or disappointing people, or yeah, prime.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, down underneath all of it is the fear of rejection, right?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: That kind of fear becomes the silent war, right?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because absolutely does peep people don't realize that cost right away.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because it shows up in different patterns, right?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they see that outside, they see the performance, they see the productivity, they see that polished version, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's hidden deep inside.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: And again, I think I think most people, if they're honest with themselves, deal with it to some extent.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I we all do.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: So why do you believe fear shows up as again, we're talking about patterns, so as patterns like you know, avoidance, anger, perfectionism, and then of course it can be isolation and just full emotional shutdown.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, because your brain is designed to protect you, right?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's designed to keep us alive and to survive.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: So when we have been through pressure and through pain and through fear and rejection, trauma, or even repeated high stress and stress environments, right?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: Your brain has started to really believe and learn what's unsafe.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so when something else starts coming in and your brain starts saying, hey, this feels a little bit unsafe, it will create strategies to avoid that feeling again.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So avoidance, yeah, exactly.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and some of those, you know, sometimes they're the things that the brain automatically finds, right, can be good and sometimes bad, right?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: So it and bad a lot of times, I mean, like you were we're talking about before, it's kind of like being in an autopilot, you know.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to start with kind of the the darker side.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: This is what we do on the podcast.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: We start on the darker side, we crack a light, and then we bring in the light, right?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: To to how you can solve these things.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: So can you tell me a little bit more about what you dealt with personally when you were just not in a good place?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what were the some of the things?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Let's let's go with physically, just emotionally, how it affected some of your relationships potentially, so we can kind of get a feel so people can recognize it in themselves.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, for me, it was like I say, I was always needing to put the it was a mask, literally, right?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was always needing to put the best part of me forward.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I never ever felt authentic.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: I never felt good enough.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: I never felt like I belonged.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: I I never felt like I always felt like I was, well, an imposter, right?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: That everybody was gonna figure things out and they're gonna realize that I'm just this dumb, stupid girl that was raised in this family in a podunk town.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, actually, Salt Lake City's not that podunk.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, you begin to feel that I can't even exist.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: So it and it becomes over, well, it overtakes so much in your life because that's you're always trying to put that first.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: So everything else falls away, you know, and and it's you know, I would literally, I was spending 12, 14 hours at the office when I started dating my husband.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, you just need to get a cot and stay there, you know, because I would literally to make sure everything was done, you know, that I never asked for help.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: It was, you know, I I started there at six o'clock in the morning and sometimes it was 10, 11, 12 o'clock at night before I was heading to the parking lot to drive home.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it really isolated me.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I had that performance and everything out in front, but I was personally isolated from all those other things because I had to look just right in those public places.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Totally, absolutely get it.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: And then when you're not there for your now husband, Robin, by the way, I love that guy.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's it's it affects their relationship, right?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: And it affects the people around you as well.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I deal with it too.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a busy guy, and you know, I mean, you have to intentionally find that time to be with the ones you love and to show up for other people besides just inside your own head, right?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you do.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, it was it was year-end review time.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I may have shared this story with you once before, but you know, they're at work.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the the overachieving manager that always got things done, and it was time for year-end reviews.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: But but this year was a little bit different.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: My dad was dying.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: We had already had family meetings and getting hospice set up and a few things.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I was there at work and it was compensation statements.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's the time when you've got to make sure you get them out to the employees before they see it in show up in their in their bank account, right?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to meet with them and let them know what their bonus and all that is.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had them all in hand.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I then I got the call from my sister, Dad, is it's time.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, he's gonna be gone.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Come now.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was only a 10-minute drive.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought, okay, I'm gonna be gone for a while.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: So let me finish all this first.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to leave a mess for anybody else, but I've got to get the job done.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I stayed and I finished, I met with all of my employees, gave them their compensation statements, and I drove as fast as I could to dad's house, but he was gone.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I missed those last moments with dad because I was trying to make sure I was the person that everybody could depend on.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: And it was all because of trying to be that perfect person.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: So you miss, you miss those last, those critical, those important times.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's an amazing reminder for all of us.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you for the vulnerability, first of all, you know, for talking about that right now.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Would you say that that was a turning point of what the F?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: I need to make changes in my life, or did it take more before that kind of happened, if you would?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, for me, that was like a big break in the in the in the structure, right?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because I had been building it for years.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: It started when I was like in seventh grade, you know, when I wasn't feeling like I was good enough.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, maybe it started younger than that.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: I ran away from home when I was in second grade because I didn't feel like I was good enough for the family, right?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I guess it started really young.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I had been building it for a long time.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that that chunk, I mean, that was a huge chunk.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like that really made me realize the cost.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: So to me, it it took like almost like one of the keystones out from a from an arch, right?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: It started started the structure from crumbling.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like instantaneous right then and there, but it it really made me go, you know, I need to be present.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: What am I working for?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: What am I doing this for?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm gonna lose these most important moments, I mean, where are my values?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: So, so two questions.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: One is were you old enough to cross the road or did you just go in circles when you ran away and did up?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, I made it.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: I I made it, I was in second grade and I made it probably five or six miles.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, you weren't messing around.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I wasn't messing.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was actually running away to my great-grandma's house.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew the route because we visited her often, but it I was actually picked up by the police.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, here's let's add something on to that.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, mom had reported it, and they just said, uh, she's just probably at a neighbor's, or you know, don't worry about mom's like, no, not this one.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um but it was it was just kind of funny because this cop had been watching me for a while.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now I mean it was kind of obvious.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: You got this during school time, a second grader.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, I was thinking I had all my clothes with me, all the hangers down this arm, and all the clothes.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm sure I looked pretty suspicious, right?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: Man, man, I hope there's a picture somewhere of this.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: No, there's there's not actually, but it's I was close enough to great grandma's house that that's where he took me.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there you go.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: So no, I didn't just circle.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: So so I guess my next question, the the next question would be what was it that you know, we we make all of our decisions off pain and pleasure, right?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: We true, true, true decisions are made based on that.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: How much how much pain do we have to go through to get pleasure, right?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: So what was it looking back?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: I can go back, I mean, multiple times in my life and say, yeah, that was it.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that was it, right?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: And it may have been a culmination, but there was the one final straw that said, not enough, right?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: So what was it for you to say, I'm not gonna live like this anymore.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm making changes for me.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think the the first little crack was that motorcycle ride, right?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, because it was years later when when dad passed.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I I started making some changes after that, but it wasn't a it wasn't a this is final, because I still let it creep up, right?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's it's it's you you know that you got to make changes, but you know, I still say I'm a recovering perfectionist, right?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm still, you know, we we want to make sure everything's just right, but you know, there's some goodness in that too, right?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's why that's a really, really tricky one, you know.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: But but it was, I I would say probably dad's was probably the most dramatic, missing those final moments with dad.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that that there probably hit it the worst because I really, really felt that pressure.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: But then I think, well, then there the one that really I guess put me over the edge because it was already crumbling was once again, I was over all these projects at work, and they would we'd have to do cuts of well, it was telecom stuff and program cuts and and and whatnot.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so we'd have to do them and in the middle of the night, right?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it you would be working just the amount of work that hit me.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then one time after that cut, where I probably worked a 72-hour week, and it was like, what was that for?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it just kind of and it wasn't at the deepest pain when that happened, but it was like, God gone it, you know, what just happened to the last two months, and where am I now because of what I'd done the last two months?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: I am nowhere, I'm in the same rut doing the same thing.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so I probably I was just completely exhausted from all the pressure and everything at that time.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that I think was the final straw.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: I went ahead and I I retired from there and actually jumped into mining for a couple of years, believe it or not, but but got out of that high pressure that where I was feeling like I I needed to perform and the high pressure.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: So let me let me ask you this.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I I really want people to perk up their ears and listen to the answer here.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: These horrible things that you went through, right?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_02: Felt like the end of the world to some extent, you know, you know, just because emotionally it it drains you.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: I miss, you know, my dad passing.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: But here's what I want to hear from you is you're here where you are now, and you've left that world behind, if you will.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: So would you say that you found a gift or a strength or a a new renewed purpose because of what you went through?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely, Mike.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: I truly believe that things are in our life for a purpose.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: And one thing that has always been one of my mottos, well, I shouldn't say always, just as long as I can remember.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but and that is looking for the good in the situation, right?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: So this happened, what else could it mean?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: What you know, okay, so I I spilt the milk and I was late for work, or whatever the case may be.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, maybe that kept me from and looking for the good in that.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: And and so absolutely I I am grateful for everything that's happened in my life because it's taught me so much.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the price was pretty high for what I learned, but then that makes it even more valuable to me.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes the learning sticks a little bit more when you pay that extra price.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I wonder, gee, could I have gotten a bargain discount on it somewhere else and made it easier?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I may not have appreciated it.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and here's the thing, Lori, is is that's how our belief systems are changed, though.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: With trauma, we'll go with PTSD, with all of those things.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: When we when we break out the legs of what the trauma meant, and we reinstall the gifts of what you learned from it and how you're stronger, and how you're helping people now.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: And if that didn't happen, you wouldn't be here doing what you're doing now.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's what changes and removes the trauma and makes it a positive thing.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: And it sounds horrible to a lot of people when you first talk about it, but when they understand it, that when you change your belief system, it changes the trauma.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: And it literally removes the trauma.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's a it's one of the most beautiful things that that I think we both can say we we work with people on and do.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: So I I'm always looking for where's the what's the gift?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: What can I learn from this, just like you?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: So absolutely fantastic.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to talk about autopilot and and how you how do you recognize autopilot?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, because I think everybody's a little bit different, but I want to start cracking it open to okay, well, here's some of the skill sets.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is how you start realizing so you can make the changes, right?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: So, how does someone recognize when they're just living on autopilot?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, to recognize it, it typically is you're almost to well, motorcycle themes, right?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: You feel like you're in a rut, right?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Lots of times in a rut.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: And autopilot.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Can look really, really productive, right?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what makes it so sneaky.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: But but honestly, living on autopilot means it you're letting your past programming make today's decisions before you even realize you had a choice, right?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just like, well, that's just how I do it, or that's how I always is, or I can't help it.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: So when you start seeing things like that, those are clues.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Another clue is you know, you're doing a lot of motion, but you're not getting anywhere.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the the runs that's kind of probably the one that hit me the biggest, right?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that was I was doing everything and doing amazing things, look great at work, but where did where was that getting me?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: What was that doing for me personally?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Was I in alignment?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: So those to me are are the biggest clues is when you find yourself actually saying words like, I always do it that way, I'm I always react this way, I just do things this way.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: But then it's that not making the progress to who you really want to be or where you really want to go.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes because you're so much on autopilot, you don't even think about it.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, that is true.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: That is so true.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_02: You're just if things aren't negative happening, you're just thinking it's success.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: So so you realize you're on autopilot, you're like, oh shit, Lori was right.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: Now, now, where do we make changes?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: So, what are some of the things that you use?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: And again, it's it's a it's a self-growth thing, right?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like you're just going to magically go into a gym, come out looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger in a one-hour session, right?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: You need to work some skills.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: So give us maybe a skill or or two that you use yourself.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, it's when you start seeing that or saying that, stopping and and saying, What's what's driving me?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: What is driving this work?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then asking a question of where is it driving me to?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: And is that really the destination I want to go?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: So then once you've realized that and done that, then you start catching yourself.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: When you catch yourself, first of all, don't condemn yourself for that.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: Don't shame it, right?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Those are patterns that have been very, very successful for you in the past.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: They've protected you in the past, and they're probably still trying to protect you because that's what your brain does, right?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: So don't shame it because it's trying to protect you, but recognize it and then celebration, celebration, pat yourself on the back, do something.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, hey, I recognized it.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: I caught myself and get excited about that because you're training your brain.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's a it sounds simple, it sounds silly, but there's a lot going on up here, more so than we give it credit for a lot of the time.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's not autopilot.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there's so much that that it does.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: But we we want to train the brain in that celebration so you rec start recognizing it sooner.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then think of one thing that can maybe get you off of autopilot and get you back to the direction you want.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Just one and make it simple.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Simple enough that your brain doesn't go, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, are you sure you can do that?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: But so simple because you start stacking up little pieces of evidence, right?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: So you start, you know, if it's if it's something as simple as, hey, I drink that glass of water, you know, celebrate it when you recognize it and continue to do that.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: But there's a little steps, your brain starts realizing, hey, I can do this and it's successful.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's something that's a little bit more difficult.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's an imperfect action, right?
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: When you're struggling with perfectionism, taking an imperfect action and instead of criticizing it, celebrate the fact that you did it, right?
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then you start training your brain for those sorts of things.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's not going to come instantaneous, right?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: It takes time, but little tiny pieces of evidence because your brain's looking for evidence.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if you keep looking for the bad things, your brain's going to keep looking for the bad.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you start looking for the good and celebrating the good and recognizing the good, I'm sure is been mentioned many times before, but the I can't even say it.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: RAS, the ridicular activating system, is that part of the brain, you know, that starts looking for what's important to you, right?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: So if you've celebrated something, it starts looking for, starts looking for more evidence of those changes so you can make them perfect.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love it.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I'd even say when you wake up in the morning on the right side of the dirt, celebrate it.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: Just start your day on the right, the right path with with your brain already looking for good stuff, you know.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, something, something it doesn't have to be big to celebrate it.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely recognize it, take it as a victory, do a victory lap, a victory dance, you know, pat yourself on the on the back or you know, do a power move, then your strength in that power move besides.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, anchor that in.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love it.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so for we're we're almost out of time.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't realize we had already blown through 27 minutes.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: So um, so for the person listening right now who feels stuck, guarded, afraid to take the next step.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: What is one action they could take literally right now, today, to begin breaking that pattern?
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: First, I would say name it, identify it.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: Once you've named it and separate it from your identity, then you have the power.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: You have the power.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: So the first thing is to name it, and then I would say the next thing is take one step in the direction you want to go, just the one, the one tiny action.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: That that to me is the most powerful of all.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: Little steps don't sound powerful, right?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: But there is so much power in it, and that's why I think so many people think that it has to be this big, huge, amazing, astounding thing.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: But it can be something as simple as saying, hey, I need somebody to talk to today, or hey, I'm thirsty.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: I really need to drink some water, or hey, I'm gonna just go take a five-minute walk, you know, and and clear my head, or I can be something so simple that I don't have to go for an hour and a half workout.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: I can jump on the mini tram for just three minutes, you know, and celebrate.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: So just those little teeny, tiny steps, and then lock it in and celebrate it.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I'd start with.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's and that's perfect.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: And and I'll I'll just add a little bit to that.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: That they the small actions are are much more doable.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: But here's the thing if you're on a boat and you turn that steering wheel two percent to the right or to the left, you're going to a whole new destination, my friend.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: Just consistent action, and they can be super small, just like Lori said.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: I absolutely love that.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um Lori, for the people listening who feel connected to your message, what's the best way for them to learn about your work, follow you, you know, book you, or just support what you're building?
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: The best place really is on social media.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on Instagram and Facebook both with under Start Driving Your Destiny.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: That motorcycle ride, just put it in there and start driving it.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Or for me personally, it's just Laurie Clunce on Facebook or on LinkedIn.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you can DM me there and we can connect and I can see how I can help or let you know what's going on, or you know, just follow me in those because I'm always posting content that can help along the way.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: I watch it myself.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying I'm a fan.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, as we know a time is the most precious resource we have as human beings, we can't get it back.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_02: So, Lori, thank you so much for spending this moment and time to help our mission and make a difference.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: Really appreciate you.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was truly honored to be here.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: Sit with it for a minute.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: Why did that why did I like that?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: Why did that hit me?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: Sit with the minute.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: There's a reason why it is.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if you get it, get hit goosebumps or god bumps, as Michelle Odette Green says, just sit with it for a second because there's a reason.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: And if you know someone who may need to hear this today, share this episode with them.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: You can also join us at your thoughtsyourreality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and of course growth.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: We're out of here.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your thoughts make your reality, so make them count.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: Catch you on the next episode.