Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / The Future We Are Fighting For with Jane Fonda

Transcript

The Future We Are Fighting For with Jane Fonda · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you Hi?
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Well? I have I'm good, but I have some sad
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: news to share. Bernice is. We said goodbye to Bernice yesterday,
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: so I want to make sure I make that announcement
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: because I didn't make the announcement about Bert, and I
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: keep getting DMS about where the fuck is Burt. I'm
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: like Bert's dead anyway, Bernice is too now. So that
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: was very sad. But she was really old and had
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: a really really beautiful life, and everyone loved her so
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: much in Whistler this winter that she went out with
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: a bang, she got so much attention. Yeah, and everyone.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: I had a waiting list of people who wanted to
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: spend the night with her. The little kids in the
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: neighborhood kept coming to take her for the night. I
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: was so sweet.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: I'm really glad you had like a few months to
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: spend with her. You weren't traveling, like you're here and
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: you know, could be with her. Yeah.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: It was really nice. And I had that was my
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: exit plan with her, to make sure she knew she
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: was loved up.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, and she did.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: And so that was very sad. And I felt really
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: bad for Vets, you know, like they have to deal
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: with people losing their dog all the time.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: You know what. We actually had an email recently from
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: someone who's a veterinarian who really like opened my eyes. Like,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: veterinarians have an extremely high suicide rate and a ton
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: of depression because they're trying to do their best that
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: they can. They're, you know, helping people transition their dogs
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: to the you know, the Rainbow bridge and all that.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: And is that where they're going to the rainbow bridge?
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Is that they say crossing the rainbow an ice cream flavor?
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like something to make it feel a
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: little bit better. But yeah, so veterinarians, we we.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we appreciate you for sure. And also, Doug is
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: here today to be my support animal. Yes, and I
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: brought him to the studio. He is so good.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Looking, it really is. It is so good looking, Chelsea.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: We had a lot of people screaming in their cars
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: about Sarah whose boyfriends last week could not get it up.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, people had some opinions and thoughts and ideas.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Oh great, well maybe someone knows what the fuck is
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: wrong with men.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Oh so, Sarah, I hope you're listening. This is what
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: people had to say. So Andrew wrote in and said, Hey,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I just thought i'd give a man's perspective, specifically a
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: gay man's perspective. I think Sarah should consider the fact
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: that her partner may be gay. With all the talk
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: of having such a great job and home, the fact
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: that he's a bit overweight and seemed not to have
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: dated many women. I was literally sitting in my car
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: screaming at the radio. He's gay.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: He's gay.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Speaking partly from personal experience on that point, I just
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: think that it's a possibility that should be explored, at
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: least lots of love from Florida. Lord help us, Andrew.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: So Andrew. I wonder if Andrew was tried to have
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: sex with the girl and then couldn't get it up.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: At that point, if you're not attracted to women, there
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: are men.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: There are gay men that have had sex with women,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: or yeah, yeah, how does that work?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know truly. Like a couple of my closest
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: gay male friends who are like in their late forties,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: early fifties, they're like, oh, yeah, sometimes I have sex
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: with a woman, just like for for funzies. I'm like,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: what one of my friends put at this way, he said,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: sex with a man is like a lobster dinner, but
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: sex with a woman is like a sake dinner. So
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: you know what is better lobster lobster.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Lobster is the McDonald's of the ocean.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Why does everyone think.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Lobster is so great? I mean, it's fucking disgusting. It's
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: a bottom feeder. I mean I love it, but you
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: know what I mean, I don't understand why everyone thinks
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: it's a delicacy. Is it a delicacy? Do you know?
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Back in like I think it was like the eighteen hundreds,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: they used to exclude I was what happened. They used
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: to exclusively feed convicts lobster, and they actually like brought
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: suit against New York State saying like this is cruel
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: and unusual punishment, and now we consider it.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's a very nice tippit. Yes, keep
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: it coming, Capterine. I like that little history, a little
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: dose of history.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Reading a lot of historical fictions.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm reading a good book right now, speaking of
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: which it's called it's by Mitch Album. You know the
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: guy who yes Tuesdays with Maury, and he wrote some
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: other book that I read. This one is called a
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: little the Little Liar, and it's about the Holocaust, but
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: it's from the perspective of truth. The character is Truth,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: the main character. And it's very moving and it's a
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: short book. It's like succinct chapters, which I like, and
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: his use of language, it's very beautiful.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, he's very moving.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I would recommend that to anyone who And it's not
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: like a bummer book. I mean, it's about the Holocaust,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: so it's shocking, of course every time you hear what
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: happened to people, but it is for some reason, it's
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: like there's a fairy tale aspect to it. So it's
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: like fictionalized, but it's history, you know, it's not.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: We do have a couple other opinions on Sarah. Do
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: you want to know?
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah about that not getting it up? Yeah, okay,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: so okay. Option one, he could be gay.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: He could be gay. Option two, as Lisa writes in
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I'm a pharmacist, And when I heard her say he's
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: on medication for his blood pressure, I was yelling out loud.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: It's his medication.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Oh that sounds very very possible.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, many blood pressure medications can commonly cause ed, most
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: specifically beta blockers and diuretics, but all anti hypertensive drug
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: classes can have the side effect. He needs to go
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: to his doctor, even if he's opposed, are embarrassed, and
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: tell his provider what's going on. They can mix it up,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: try other.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: H that's smart. Did you contact the girl that called in?
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: I told her that, okay, good?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: She said, I see it all the time.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: And did you tell her about him being gay too?
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: For sure? She said, I see it all the time.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Men who stopped taking their medications because it made them
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: feel quote unquote weird when what they mean is they
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: can't get it up anymore. Very common. Go to the doctor,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Lisa Great. And then our last comment is I'm a
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: formerly big guy myself, and I can say that gravity
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: is the issue. If he's still overweight, the weight of
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: the belly and or panis aka the popas panis panis
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: is caught up. What is that? That is the area
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: down here if you have like an overhanging belly, that
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: pussy gut the pupa yeah, the fat upper pussy area. Yes,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: it is technically called a panis. I have sisters that
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: are Have you ever heard the term cock awning. No,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: but I use the word talk todaynles, what is cockling?
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Cockles are your heart, don't? I don't know that I do.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I heard the term cockawning and I had to look away.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: I shuddered. I was like, I don't want to know
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: what that is in reference to what to a man's belly.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Oh god, no, thank you. Ken says this is less
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: an issue when he's laying on his back and he
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: thinks that that's what's going on.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I had this issue a second. Yeah, so he needs
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: a girl to get on top of him.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because she mentioned she's like, it's fine when I'm
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: on top, but when he tries to be on top
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: he can't keep it up.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Oh god, that sounds familiar.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so Ken says, it's less an issue when laying
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: on your back. I had this issue. And it's likely
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: if he's a big boy as well, that's his issue too.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: He also might be in his head about feeling too
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: heavy to be on top of her, so that might
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: plan into.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: It as well.
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: Ken.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: I love this. Okay, thank you everybody for writing in.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: We love all bodies here, especially those with pantisas. Let's
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: just never call it.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: A cock on. So I'm going to go with the medication.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: I choose Option B, and I'm going to go with
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: the medication is the problem? Okay, So which is fixable?
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: It's too bad, straight man, don't listen to this podcast
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: because if they did. Oh, you know what I really
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: want to get on are couples or friends or family
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: members that are having discord. Like if you have a
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: friend you're having problems with and you want to get
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: my advice, or someone in your family and you and
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: both of you are open to it, or you're in
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: a relationship like I like that, and that's an area
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: where I can I can have really help.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And it can be like serious disagreements or like
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: fun disagreements, like if you're like, please settle.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: The score for chewing gum when we're together, Yeah, because
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: you don't know how to chew it. And I've been
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: told that and I don't know how to chew them.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: I would like to say, I am guilty.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Well, Chelsea, we have amazing guests today. Yeah, she's a legend.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: She continues to lead the charge on the climate emergency
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: with fire Drill Fridays, the National movement to protest government
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: in action on climate Change started in October twenty nineteen
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: in partnership with Greenpeace as well as the Jane Fonda
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Climate pac which is focused on defeating political allies of
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: the fossil fuel industry. She is an actor and activist
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: and my dear friend Jane Fonda. Okay, so I want
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: to preface this interview by telling a personal story about Jane.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: I've known Jane for many years, probably fifteen years, I think.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: But I'm not really good with numbers, that's not my specialty.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: And we've had a lot of fun together and we've
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: had a lot of deep, meaningful conversations and a lot
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: of laughter. And there was a time and I wrote
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: that about this in my new book, which I'm going
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: to send to you for your approval, Jane, which I
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: think you'll be fine with. But Jane took me aside
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: at a time in my life where I was not
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: in a good spot, and she took the time to
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: invite me over to her house. Well, it was it's
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: more of a demand. It was more of.
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: Like over here.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: She's like, hey, are you free, I need to talk
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: to you. I'm like sure. When she's like how about
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: tonight at six, I was like, oh, fuck. Am I
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: in trouble with Jane Fonda because it felt like I
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: may be and I was in trouble. And I had
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: behaved badly at her birthday party at her house months prior,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: and she took the time to sit down with me
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: at her dinner table to tell me about my behavior
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: and talk to me about it and ask me why
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: and what and all of the things. And fortunately for me,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: I had just started therapy two months before that. But
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: the thing that I took away from that dinner was sisterhood,
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: because not everybody tells you when you piss them off,
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: and not everybody takes the time to tell you when
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: someone pisses you off. You know, some people you just
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: blow off and you're just like, fine, fuck it, that's
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: a loser, or I don't want to talk to that
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: person again. But Jane took the time to sit with
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: me and tell me how I had messed up. And
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: because of that moment, I have done that for so
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: many people in my life, and I went to therapy.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: I continued to go to therapy. I brought it back
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: to therapy to a person that Jane knew very well.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: She's like, you're in good hands. Go talk to him,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: and it was it was the definition of sister.
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: I love you, Jack, I do. I didn't even know
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: who you were. All I knew was one day, years
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: and years ago, I was scrolling through TV channels and
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: I just I passed, and then I went back, Who
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: is this beautiful blonde chick that laughs at herself so much?
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: That was when you were.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: Doing the job.
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: I don't know, but you were. You just laughed at
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: yourself all the time, and I was smitten. And I
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: just kept watching your show. And then I was on
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: your show and I just I love you. And and
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: you know, we've all gone off the track from time
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: to time and people have brought me up short and
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: talked to me. And I must say, the book that
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: you wrote, I guess this isn't the one you're going
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: to give me again. The last one you wrote, where
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: you wrote it was like you recorded all your therapy sessions.
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: But it was the most laugh out loud book that
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: I have ever read. I just enjoyed it and loved
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: it and loved that you were going through the therapy
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: the way you were, and I have a feeling that
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: it really helped you.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you, and thank you for your help because that
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: was helpful. And I think what I want to ask
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: you is, you know, I've when I started out in
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: this business, I felt that women weren't as there for
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: each other as we are now, as we know to
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: be now. And I want to know what that was
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: like for you when you started, the support that you
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: felt from women. How was it?
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Who was ever?
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: It?
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: Absolutely vividly and I can tell you that. See, I
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: was married to a Frenchman, a French director. He directed Barbarella.
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: He was married to Bridge of Bardeaux before me and
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: Catherine Deneuve. I mean, it was intense. He was great,
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: and I was living with him. And because American soldiers
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: who had been in Vietnam had fled Vietnam and were
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: in Paris, and they were looking for compatriots to help
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: them find doctors and clothes and anyway, I became friends
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: with these guys and they told me about Vietnam and
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: totally blew my mind and changed my mind about the war.
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: And I came back here and joined the GI movement.
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: Annie war activists had created these coffeehouses outside of military
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: bases where guys could come and learn about the history
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: of Vietnam. Long story short, I'm in Colleen, Texas, outside
• 12:29
  Speaker 5: of Fort Hood. The woman who ran the base, her
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: name was Terry Davis. She was different than any female
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: that I had met, because up until then, pretty much
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: we competed with each other. And I don't know, I
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: just I didn't have very many women friends. I grew
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: up in the forties and fifties thinking you become the
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: way to grow up is to be a lone ranger,
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: to be like guys, you know, I can stand on
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: my ow. I don't need any buddy, and that's just
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: the way. And so I met this woman was running
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: the coffeehouse, and she treated me differently than I'd ever
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: been treated before, not like a celebrity or anything. It
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: was she looked me in the eye. She wanted to
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: know how I felt. Did I feel okay going onto
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: the base? Did I feel safe speaking at the rally?
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: The way she treated the gis it was like looking
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: through a keyhole at the future that we were fighting for.
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: And being with her was like, I don't know, it's
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: like getting into a warm bath. I felt safe, and
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: I just thought I want to be like her. And
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: all the women in the movement that I kept meeting
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: were they were just new kinds of beings that I'd
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: never met, and that of all the things that happened
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: to me in the first years of my activism, that
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: was what affected me the most and made me realize
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: I'm on the right track. I want to become a
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: person like them, who is present and who really has
• 14:09
  Speaker 5: empathy for other women and men. She was the first
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: person she brought a feminist into the coffeehouse to talk
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: to Gis about the women's movement, which I thought was
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: really gutsy and it affected all of us. I don't know,
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: but it changed the whole way that I felt about women,
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: and up until that point, for me, the women's movement
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: was a waste of time. What are all these women
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: talking about? All these things for the wars?
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: What matters?
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: We got to end this way and it had a
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: big effect on me. And now, of course it's women
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: are in my life. I've closed up shop.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: And have have you closed up shop?
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: Is one of the reasons is because to see Chelsea,
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: you'll understand this. I like young flesh. I like young skin.
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: If I was gonna have an affair now, it would
• 15:09
  Speaker 5: be with somebody about twenty years old. But I don't
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: want to subject any twenty year old to my skin.
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: So I've closed up shop. I don't even think about
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: it anymore.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I feel like, yes, but I think that should be
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: their decision. I feel like there would be some willing participants,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: a lot of them, and if they're willing to go
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: for it, then what's yeah, I mean, what's to stop
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: anyone from giving each other pleasure?
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: Vain? Now I'm seventy, I'm eighty how old, amma? I'm
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: eighty six and a half almost. I mean, you know,
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: it's just, uh, it's over, and I don't miss it
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: at all. I only dream once a week about it.
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: That's not enough to miss. I have so much more time,
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: you know, to do things.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Well, you are busy doing things. And I think, to
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: go back to this woman conversation for a second. I
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: think it's so interesting that where you are raised and
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: it's still this way and society as women to think, Okay,
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: we're supposed to go out and we're supposed to find
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: this prince charming and la la la la la, and
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: this stupid fairy tale notion that is so it's a charade. Basically,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: you know that doesn't exist. And you've been married three times, right,
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: three times, not more than that, And you've had multiple lovers,
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: You've had multiple relationships. And one of the things that
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: I admire about you is your ability to I feel
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: like you always knew there is no prince charming or
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: one true love, that their life is about having many
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: loves and having many different people in your lives, men
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: and women alike. You know, whether it's a sexual relationship
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: or not. There are soulmates that come in every form.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: So I guess I mean all of your marriages. I'm
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: sure we're very impactful on you. But what do you
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: think the most meaningful relationship or one of the most
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: meaningful and informative relationships. You've had all of them, and
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I did.
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: I believed that this was going to be forever every
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: single time. This is it, this is the one. He's
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: not at all like my dad, This is going to work,
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: this will be great. Turns out they were all similar,
• 17:21
  Speaker 5: even though they all looked different and acted different and
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: had different socioeconomic places in the world, but they all
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: shared one thing in common. They were incapable of showing
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: up in an intimate relationship, and so was I, and
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: so I chose unconsciously chose men who weren't going to say,
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: come on, Vanda, come on, show up. I want you
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: here right now. I was too scared, and so it
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: was very convenient for all parties. And I really thought
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: that they were all going to be the one.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: And now when you think about that, do you think
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: that you ever found the one?
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: No time I go back through my life trying to
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: see did the one show up? Did he enter my
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: space and I just got scared and fled? I think
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: probably that happened. I don't know who it was though,
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: but I wouldn't have been able to do that. I
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: think that I could probably now have that kind of relationship,
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: but I don't want it anymore.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because now you know what your purpose is.
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: Right, It was all about I mean, I guess my
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: kids are right, I am a narcissist. They think I am,
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: and I guess I am. I'm not a but there's
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: you know, it's like I'm on the spectrum of narcissism.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Their activism outweighs your narcissism. Whether those two feed off
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: of each other as a separate story. It was something
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: that you said in your book, which I loved, because
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: there's so many great things that Jane Fonda's autobiography, but
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: one of the things that I always suck out to me.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: You said that your father never brought home joy from
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: his career, right, that you never saw him be joyful
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: about being an actor and portraying all of these characters.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Do you get joy from acting?
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, I do?
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: And did you always?
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: No? No? Before I sort of came full circle and
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: became who I was meant to be, I didn't. But
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: when I started having agency over my career, yeah I did.
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: There is something truly glorious about being invited to enter
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: another human being because to do it you have to
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: have empathy. So it's a career that builds up your empathy,
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: and then kind of digging is like being an archaeologist,
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: also finding out about this who is this person and
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: why are they there and all of that. It's just
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: I find great joy in it, and not that every
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: day is great. Often you come home really really tired
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: and angry. But most of the time I really do
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: get joining it. But see, my dad suffered as a
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: lot of dads did in that era, and he came
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: from Nebraska and people didn't ask for help. Gods still don't.
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: I think it's why they don't live as long as
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: we do, five years less on average, used to be more.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: He never he suffered from undiagnosed depression, you know. I mean,
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: if he'd taken prozac, our lives would have been totally different.
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: But I've worked on the depression. So I'm I'm you know,
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: I think I'm the first person in my family who's
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: not depressed.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Well, what was your pivotal moment in your life where
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: you were able to actually tackle your issues and your
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: emotions and all of that.
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: I don't think it goes like that. I think it's
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: I think it's a process that happened. You know. It's
• 20:44
  Speaker 5: like you'll realize something, like I realized something when I
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: met these women that were different than other women I'd
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: ever met in nineteen seventy when I became an activist,
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: and so it's like a realization like a bee kind
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: of humming around, but it doesn't ever, kind of like
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: you don't change, but you've learned something. Then you enter
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: something else and you change. I learned something all the time.
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: I'm always that's one of my superpowers that I may
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: be narcissistic, but I'm also really really curious. I'm very
• 21:19
  Speaker 5: interested in people, and so I just learn all the time,
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: and then gradually the learning bills up and you realize, oh,
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: I'm different. You know a little bit of therapy, the meditation,
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: the different husbands that I learned each from each of them.
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: I think, though, that I learned the most from my
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: women friends. I make a point of having women friends
• 21:42
  Speaker 5: that are smarter, braver, more strategic. And this is important, younger. See,
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: when I die, I want to have friends that are slive,
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: that can speak at my memorial put.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: It that way, that can eulogize you, yeah, and be
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: at my bedside and give me hope.
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: And I don't know, I don't know. I just I
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: want love around me when I died. When you're my age, Chelsea,
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: you think a lot about dying, and not that we
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: can know when it's going to happen. But it's good
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: to envision how you want it to be, because then
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: between now and then you have to earn it. You know,
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: if I want to have women friends holding my hand
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: when I die, I've got to earn their friendship. And
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: by the way, you know, who I'm becoming friends with,
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: who I just adore, is your friend, Connie Britton. Ah, yeah, best,
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: she's a good broad.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, we've been to your house together before, Connie.
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: I know, I remember when I had one of my
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: joints replaced. I'm almost finished almost all my major joints
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: and I've been replaced. You were there for one of
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: my hips.
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: We were, we were, We came over and Connie told
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: you some story. I can't remember what it was, but
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: it was like we left there and she goes, why
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: did I tell Jane that story? And I'm like, actually,
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It was about someoney, her father not
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: liking you or not approving of your protesting of the
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Vietnam War. And she was like, yeah, my dad hated you.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: And we're like, she goes, why did I say that
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: to Jane Fouda. I'm like, I don't know, why did
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: you say.
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: That that to me all the time?
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, First of all, what do you think happens
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: when you die? What do you believe?
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: I am not sure. Part of me knows that nothing happens.
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: That we exist as a memory, but that's energy. We
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: exist as an energy that I guess that's that's what
• 23:33
  Speaker 5: I think about it. But you know, I have gone
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: to channelers who have brought me messages from my father
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: and mother, and they've met a lot to me.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: So I don't know, when you look back at your life,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: like what are your proudest moments.
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: There's no moment. What I'm proud of is that I've
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: made something of myself, that I made something of my life.
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: You know, I floundered for so long and toyed with
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: suicide and all of that, because there's been suicide all
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: around me in my life, and as I said, everybody's
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: so depressed in my family. But I'm resilient and I'm
• 24:13
  Speaker 5: proud that I didn't succumb to any of the depressions
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: and that I've that I've I've learned and grown in
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: my life. That's what I'm most proud of.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think resiliency is the key ingredient as women.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: I feel like we have it in droves and we
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: don't know we have it until we need it the most.
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: That's why it's the most wonderful, mysterious thing. You know,
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: I really can't figure out this thing about resilience, Chelsea.
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: My brother was two years younger than me. We both
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: came from the same mother and father. Two years apart.
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: That's not a lot same more or less historical moment
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: in time. And I was resilient and he wasn't. And
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: why I don't you know who knows. My therapist used
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: to say, she thinks that it's you come into life
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: with it. Either you have it or you don't. And
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: she can tell right away when a patient walks in
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: if they have resilience or not. And for me, what
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: resilience is like, you know, it's like when I was young,
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: you know, it was not a happy household, and my
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: dad was always away and my mother suffered from mental
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: health issues. And this is how I describe it now.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: It's like I was always scanning the horizon like an
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: infrared laser beam, and any warm human body that could
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: possibly love me or teach me something, I would glom onto.
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: And it was always the mothers of my girlfriends, And
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: I learned from those mothers. Someone who lacks resilience can
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: be surrounded by love and they can't metabolize it, they
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: can't take it in and own it. I don't know
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: if if you can be born without resilience and then
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: learn to become I don't think so. I think you
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: either have it or you don't. Are you resilient? I
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: think you are.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I think I'm resilient. And we were talking
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: about this last night at my dinner actually with my
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: three girlfriends. I like to go around the table and
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: say like, Okay, let's all say something we're grateful for
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: that's not sitting right here, you know, let's remind ourselves.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: And after everyone said their thing, I said, Okay, this
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: is to resilience, Like that's our toast tonight. So I
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: think that I do believe you can cultivate resilience, because
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I don't think you know you're resilient until something bad
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: happens and you bounce back and pick yourself up, and
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: then when it happens repeatedly, you get stronger and stronger
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: at knowing that you can get through something, that it's
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: not the end of you, that it doesn't have to
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: lay you out, and even if you get laid out,
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: you get back up. So I do think you can
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: cultivate it to a degree. I wonder what you would
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: say about when you are in this moment in your
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: life present day, when things are overwhelming and they're so
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: stressful and things aren't going your way, Like what is
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: your tool to coping and to breathing and getting yourself
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: like regular.
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: Leading activism is what does it for me. It's when
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: I know that I'm doing everything in my power too.
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: And right now, the focus is the climate crisis, because
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: that's existential. I mean, everything I care about in the
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: world is going to fall apart if we don't address
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: the climate crisis. And so if I'm doing so, if
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: I was going to splinter and fracture and go down
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: a rabbit hole, it would be around that issue of
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: the climate crisis. And I'm doing everything in my human
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: power about it. It keeps me stable and feet on
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: the ground.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you are doing everything she does Fire drove
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Fridays in DC all the time. She's constantly getting arrested,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: and you're always yes, and you're I'm going to see
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: you for your next event. I'm finally going to be
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: in town. I'm coming home for it. I will be
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: there with bells on. But your activism, it's just so
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: inspiring for all of us. I mean, you're a legend
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: and everything you do, I know when doing something and
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: you're behind something that it's the right thing to be behind.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: And obviously the climate is you know, the most obvious
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: thing to get behind. But your indefatigable attitude has an
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: impact on all of us because we all talk about it.
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: That's the value of being famous, you know. And it's
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: the value of me having seven years as Grace and Frankie,
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: because I can tell you that activism prior to Grayson
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: Frankie was not as easy. When you have a hit
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: series behind your back, it becomes a lot, a lot easier.
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: But prior to Fire Drilled Fridays, I was still I
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: was an activist, but it was intermittent, and I knew
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: I wasn't really using my platform. And I realized when
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: I started to really step it up that when you're famous,
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: you know, other people say, well, God, if she can
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: do it, I can do it. I turned eighty two
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: in jail, and that was very important because people thought,
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: oh my god, you know I heard recently. It made
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: me really think about things. I had a friend who
• 29:03
  Speaker 5: had a husband who did not like me, very anti Hanoi,
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: Jane and pro war. But when I went to Vietnam,
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: this guy said to his son, God, if Jane Fonda
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: is going over there, there must be something really wrong.
• 29:19
  Speaker 5: And that really struck me because you know, we can't
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: really change what needs to be changed as individuals, but still,
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: as individuals, we can make people think twice and think
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: about joining us. And I like that idea. God, if
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: she's doing it, there must be something really wrong because
• 29:37
  Speaker 5: she doesn't have to be doing that. That's why it's
• 29:39
  Speaker 5: so important what we do, you know. And the other
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: thing that's so great is that I meet people I
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: normally never would have met that are so great and
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: I can carry them with me in my heart as
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: I go forward, you know, and especially young indigenous women,
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, they're so fierce in the HAPs, such
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: an interesting sense of humor and brave. And I am
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: just so surrounded by people who are so brave and
• 30:06
  Speaker 5: have nothing, nothing, and they just stand up and fight.
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: It's just so moving and important.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: It's so true when you say that, you know, people
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: say that they throw that brave word around, and I
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: hear that a lot, and I'm like, you don't, that's
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: this isn't brave. This is being you're true to your personality.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Bravery is that, you know, is when you have nothing
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: and you're able to stand up and you're able to
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: go and fight for something. You believe in when you
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: have everything to lose, that's bravery.
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: Have you ever seen like a movie or a documentary
• 30:43
  Speaker 5: about people who have really stood up and been brave?
• 30:47
  Speaker 5: Right now, the next six years of this decade, this
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: is our documentary moment, and the question is can we
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: will we step up and be as brave as the
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: people in the past who have made a real difference
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: in human history. This is our documentary.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Moment, don't you think about I mean, I'm sure you've
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: spoken to al Gore, but what he did was brave,
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: you know, bringing that to our attention, thinking, oh my god,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: I'm going to tell everybody what's going to happen. I'm
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: going to tell everybody what's about to happen. He went
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: and did the work and did the research, only to
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: be ignored. It's unimaginable what he did, you know, and
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: him looking back at that time, that could have been
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: the turning point for our whole world, and yet we
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: denied it. We turned into climate deniers, not we, but
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: you know Republicans.
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: But then what does he do? See he doesn't give up.
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: He then switches tactics. Okay, it doesn't work to just
• 31:43
  Speaker 5: give people the information, So I'm going to train people
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: to become organizers around climate and he's trained eighteen thousand
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: or more people all around the world. He just shifted strategies.
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: You know, in the beginning, we thought, holy shit, we
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: heard what the science was saying. We thought, if we
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: tell elected officials what the science is saying, they're going
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: to say holy shit, and they're going to start doing something.
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: And then we discovered that wasn't true. Why because they
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: take money from the fossil fuel industry and so so
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: we have to do it differently. We have to you know,
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: that's why I started the Jane Fonda Climate Pack, because
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: we have to change the people in Congress. So when
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: they hear the science, they're going to want to do something.
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: Then we have to get unprecedented numbers of people outside
• 32:29
  Speaker 5: protesting and then change. If you can't change the people,
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: change the people. We're changing the people. And so we'll
• 32:36
  Speaker 5: get it from both ends, right outside and inside.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: to be right back, and we're back with Jane Fonda. So, Jane,
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: this podcast it's called Dear Chelsea. So we give advice
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: to actual, real people and I really couldn't deny anyone
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: getting advice from you because this is a once in
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: a life time opportunity. So, Catherine, what do we have
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: in store?
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, we have some juicy things in the store. Chelsea, Jane,
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: are you ready? Are you ready for this?
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: Ready?
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: Jen says, Dear Chelsea, I need some advice from you
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: in regards to navigating relating to guys and how they
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: see you. I'm a full time single mom, an ex
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: exotic dancer now, a business owner of a lap dance
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: class studio, and a part time college student with not
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: much support system. It's been quite challenging meeting men who
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: are secure enough not to judge me on my ex
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: stripper past and my current business owner context. I either
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: get dumbed down, fetishized, or treated like I'm a whore
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: when I haven't even been sexually active in over six years.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I'd love to change that, and I don't believe there's
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: anything wrong with being any kind of sex worker either.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: I'm very optimistic, goal oriented, and I've overcome a lot
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: on my own, so I'd like to continue to find
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: ways to overcome these obstacles. But Girl, I'm tired. Help Jen.
• 34:02
  Speaker 5: Well, Well, she's absolutely right that sex work should not
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: be looked at pejoratively. Women do it when they.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: Have to do it.
• 34:11
  Speaker 5: I've never gone on one, but I think dating apps
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: might be a good solution. Clearly, the circle that she's
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: in is not the circle that she's looking for, so
• 34:20
  Speaker 5: she's got to get out of her circle and meet
• 34:22
  Speaker 5: new people. She can either go to AA. I don't
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: know what her situation, but how do you meet new
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: people nowadays? Dat apps? It wasn't in existence when I
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: was young, but that's what I would do to meet
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: new kinds of people. What do you think, Chelse?
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: I would say, yes, of course, do dating apps. Do
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: whatever you want to do to find a man. But
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: I would also say double down on your confidence in
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: your job and what you're doing, and you don't have
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: to explain to men anything about it, Like if they
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: don't get it, then great, they're out and you're closer
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: to finding the person that does understand. Because there are
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: men out there that are sophistic enough to understand what
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: sex work actually means and that it isn't something to
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: be ridiculed or to be judged, that it's actually a
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: way that a lot of people make a living by
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: choice and that should be respected. So I would never
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: try to appeal to a man because you want them
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: to like that's their own problem, that's not your problem.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: Nothing you're doing is wrong, and it's a great way
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: to weed out people that don't get it. Just don't
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: give up like you're going to find a guy that's
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: going to get it. There's millions of men out there,
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: you know, So just I don't like changing our story
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: to appeal to men. I don't like wo men to
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: think that, and I don't like to act like that.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: So I would say, stick to your guns and have
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: honor in what you do and be proud. We're all
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: big kids now, Like this isn't something that should be
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: so shameful that she has to hide or feel bad about.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: You should feel proud of what you're doing and proud
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: of your accomplishments. And any guy worth his salt is
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: going to understand that. And fuck all of the rest,
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: Like I know, so it's easier, and yeah, get on
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: all the dating apps, you know, But I don't know.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with that, and I have
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: a bigger problem with pretending great.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Our next caller, Sabrina says, Dear Chelsea. My mom doesn't text,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: and she doesn't even really use a cell phone. A
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: couple of years ago, my dad sent me a non
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: photo sext message on accident, obviously not meant for my mother.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: I lit into him, but ultimately forgave him after a
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: few months and kept his little indiscretion between the two
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: of us. He had his own justifications and apologies, and
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I just eventually let it go. Then the other night,
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: my dad and I were texting and he sent me
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: yet another message. It was not quite a sext, but
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: it was pretty risk gay, and yet again obviously not
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: for my mom. He and my mom have been married
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: for forty plus years, and I don't know what to do.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Do I tell her, do I tell my brother? Do
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I keep this to myself? I already expressed my anger
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: and disappointment to my dad, and I've asked him to
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: no longer text me. Ever, I feel numb and just
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: do not know what to do. I don't think I
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: have the capacity to forgive this again. Sabrina, Hi, Sabrina, Hi,
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: how are you? Hi?
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: You're so lucky. Guess who our guests today is? Jane Fonda.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: I am absolutely in awe. I cannot believe it.
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: Well, this is a cone from something similar happened to me,
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: but it wasn't between mother and father. But do you
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: have any idea whether your mother is happy in the marriage.
• 37:31
  Speaker 6: They've been married over forty years. It seems to me
• 37:34
  Speaker 6: to be a very business sort of marriage. They married
• 37:37
  Speaker 6: at the time when they each had something they were seeking,
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: and I don't know if that's still what they're seeking.
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah, what I would do is have a conversation with
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: your mother, but you know, just make it very casual,
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: but try to find out how she feels about the marriage.
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: I mean, if you get a sense that being in
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: the marriage is her foundation, that it is absolutely essential
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: to her being able to get along in life, then
• 38:06
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't tell her if she's ever considered killing him,
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: if she's ever considered, No, I always knew that my
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: marriages were about to end, because I would fantasize about
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: his funeral. Oh wow, And maybe she does that. But
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: if she's kind of thought, God, I'd kind of like
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: to be alone now, then maybe she should know that
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: his head is somewhere else. I mean, the primary concern
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: I think is for her, Yes, after forty five years,
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: if she is totally dependent on him and would be
• 38:37
  Speaker 5: completely unhappy in adrift. If he wasn't there, then I
• 38:40
  Speaker 5: wouldn't tell her and just let it continue. Why I
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: rocked the boat after forty five years. But if she's
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: not and she's just there because that's life, then why
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: not help her to understand that he's not. It's interesting
• 38:54
  Speaker 5: to me. You said you told him, don't send these
• 38:56
  Speaker 5: to me anymore. Did he send them to you on
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: purpose or was it an accident?
• 39:00
  Speaker 6: It seemed to be an accent. We are in the
• 39:01
  Speaker 6: middle of texting and I just got a message through
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: that was clearly meant for someone else.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: And does he think so? You said your mom doesn't text,
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: so you know that it's not directed towards her, right
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: Is that?
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, she doesn't. She has a flip phone for
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: emergencies that she keeps in the car. She doesn't text
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: at all.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can conjecture that your mother probably doesn't give
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: a shit what he's up to, you know what I mean? Like,
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: it's if they've been married that long and she's probably
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: and he's up to that, she's probably slightly checked out.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: So I agree with Jane completely, Like get the temperature,
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: and then I always want to show up for women, always,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: mother's daughter, sisters, any woman. I want them to know
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: the truth and then make their own decision. I don't
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: ever want to make a decision for and I think
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: that's the trouble with men is that they think they
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: can make our decisions for us by not being honest
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: and upfront. It's like, okay, you want up sex with
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: other women, great, tell me, and then if I decide
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: I'm okay with that, then I'm okay with that. But
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: you don't get to make the decision for me. So
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: I would get the temperature, and then I would always
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: err on the side of being truthful. Unless you think
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: your mom is in a position that she she just
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: can't bear to hear it or handle it.
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: No, I definitely think she's strong. She's the fiery one,
• 40:15
  Speaker 6: so she's definitely like the louder out of the two.
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: Right. She Alsea used the word checked out. Do you
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: think she's checked out?
• 40:23
  Speaker 6: I think she's exasperated there at the point where she
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: vents a lot to me about things that he does
• 40:29
  Speaker 6: that irritate her day to day things. They both live
• 40:32
  Speaker 6: together and work together, so they are together all the
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: time and I can see the strain.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: And what can you can you share?
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: What the like?
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: The text message was.
• 40:43
  Speaker 6: The first text message it was it was not a photo,
• 40:46
  Speaker 6: but it was a sexual message. It was what my
• 40:49
  Speaker 6: dad would like to do to someone as they're watching
• 40:51
  Speaker 6: the sunset basically, which was just the light fulter sieve
• 40:55
  Speaker 6: as you can imagine. And then the next one was
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: more him calling someone babe and say I'm really enjoying
• 41:00
  Speaker 6: my time with you, babe, and this and that babe,
• 41:02
  Speaker 6: and I was like, oh no, now's he's that guy
• 41:05
  Speaker 6: and dad's that guy?
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and actively having an affair. It sounds like, yeah,
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: I think you have to go to your mom. You're
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: her daughter.
• 41:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah, she's very much an act first type of mom,
• 41:17
  Speaker 6: which was sort of my hesitation with but I hate
• 41:20
  Speaker 6: keeping it from her.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: We're so close.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're not your father's secret keeper, like you
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: don't owe him anything. He fucked up, not once, but twice,
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: so you know, like all bets are off. Maybe one
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: time you could be like okay, I'll look away, but
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: not twice, Like how many times is he going to do?
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: You know? That's just icky because now you're involved in this.
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: And if she is venting to you about her feelings
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: and her dissatisfactions and stuff. Then that shows you right
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: there that I thought maybe she was a sort of
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: a meek housewife that you know, wouldn't be able to
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: tolerate not being able to be with a guy. You know,
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: some women just have to be with a guy no
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: matter what.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: How old is she she's seventy seven.
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: Oh, she's ten years younger than me, and she could
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: start another Has she ever had another relationship?
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: Do you think?
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: No?
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: Not as far as I know.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I mean, Jane, is that something you think you would
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: want to know if you were that age married to
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: someone for that long.
• 42:17
  Speaker 5: I would have wanted to know. Yeah, but I know
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: there's some women that wouldn't. But I would have wanted
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: to know. And when you said that she's you described her,
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: it sounds like she's somebody who probably would want to know.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: I think she definitely would.
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: Is there a way that you'd advise to approach that
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: topic with her?
• 42:34
  Speaker 6: I know we have to have a conversation coming up
• 42:37
  Speaker 6: because there's a holiday coming up that my parents want
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: to visit for and I'm uncomfortable being.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Around my dad.
• 42:42
  Speaker 6: I think if I just start by telling her, I
• 42:44
  Speaker 6: don't I'm not comfortable being around him.
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: That would open the door.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's right. I think you should do that. Yeah,
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: because listen, you would want someone to do that for you,
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: wouldn't you.
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: Absolutely yes, I would want to know.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And so what she's seventy seven, and like that's
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: not a way to judge the situation, you know, like, oh,
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: that's like discounting someone because of their age is not
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: right either, Oh they've been married forty five years. Who cares?
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: Like that's not the right way to look at it,
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: And that's not how you're looking at it. But I'm
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: sure a lot of our listeners are going, what's the point.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: It's like, what do you mean? No, every person's like,
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: she could go on and be happy. Yeah, Jane has
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: closed Chop up at eighty six. She's closing shop up
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: and yeah, so she has another nine good years left business.
• 43:31
  Speaker 5: But no, I actually ten years ago, it's been ten
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: years I was mother's age when I decided that's it.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: Well, maybe she'll maybe she'll follow suit, she'll close shop
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: up too.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean I would encourage you to maybe see
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: if there's a way that your mom could just come
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: and visit you by herself, and so you guys can
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: have some time alone without dad and talked with them.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good idea.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, report back, keep in touch and let us
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: know how that goes.
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: Okay, we'll do okay, thank you so.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in, Sarena.
• 44:05
  Speaker 5: We'll have to run our hearts.
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: Take care. What is should he feeling to have that burden?
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: You know, like you have to break some bad news
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: to your own parent.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: I know that's rough. I wonder if the dad is
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: kind of just being creepy on the internet and accidentally texted,
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: but like, no, this is really like a relationship situation
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: that's happening.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but why does he keep accidentally texting his daughter? Like,
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: what's wrong with him?
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Good question?
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: He should be offline too, like his wife.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe she should just get him a flip phone.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: All right. Well, our next caller is Aubrey. She is
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: twenty nine. Dear Chelsea. After seven years together and just
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: four months of marriage, my husband came to me asking
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: for a divorce. We've had financial issues for a while,
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: but I thought we still had the love. He'd recently
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: started to grow silently resentful of our situation, and in
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: the process says he fell out of love with me.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: He said that he had the foresight to end things
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: before children were involved, or before we lost any more
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: time to a loveless marriage. He says he still genuinely
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: cares for me, which makes this very hard. It's not
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: an angry and loud situation. It's civil and just very sad.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: So I made a scary decision to get an apartment
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: on my own.
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: He thinks we'll be.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: Friends one day because we get along so well and
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: are such great communicators. Whether that's true or not. Right now,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: I need distance from him so I can fall out
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: of love. I'm looking for advice on how to be
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: okay and how to move on. I've never lived on
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: my own before, and I haven't been single since I
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: met him in college when I was twenty one. Additionally,
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: our spark fizzled and he grew less attracted to me,
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: and I just don't feel the least bit sexy or
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: desirable anymore. I'm about to turn twenty nine, and I
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: know I have so much ahead. How do I come
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: into my own as my own independent woman? Thanks Aubrey
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: Hi Aubrey.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: Hi, Hi, say hello to Jane Fonda.
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: Hi, all reason, Hi tells him, Jane, it's so nice
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: to meet both of you.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: Well, Jane has been married three times.
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: It's happening. This is happening at the right time. This
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: is good. You're young. It's good to get the first
• 46:09
  Speaker 5: one like this out of the way. You've been married,
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: what four years?
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: You said?
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: Four months together?
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: Seven years? Four months? Yeah, Well, it's too bad it
• 46:18
  Speaker 5: didn't it didn't happen before the marrior. But no, but
• 46:22
  Speaker 5: no big deal. I mean, I think you got lucky.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to say, like, be grateful. Yeah, Like
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: I know, it's hard to find gratitude in the dark
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: sometimes because you might feel like you're in the dark.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: You're young, you're lovely, you have your whole future ahead
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: of you. Thank god, you didn't waste another minute with
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: this guy, and thank god he was honest enough with you.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: Then staying in a marriage that wasn't going to be
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: fruitful for him, and because it was the right thing
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: to do, you're going to want to thank him in
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: a few years. And you're not there yet. I understand
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: that you feel rejected, and you know, and all of
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: these things and you were let down the wrong road.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: But this guy is being really honest with you about
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: his feelings, and that's something to be grateful for. You
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: know the truth. You know, you're not going to be together.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: You're gonna recover, You're gonna be fine, and you're young,
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: and you're gonna find somebody who does value you and
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: adores and loves you, and you just have to work
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: through this pain and you have to, you know, talk
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: to a therapist obviously. Do you have a therapist.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: I have been talking to a therapist actually since the
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: week everything really was going down. My biggest thing is
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: like I've never been okay being single, and I think
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: that was kind of like that was the scariest thing,
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: Like I'm gonna be living on my own and just
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: be single. I want to be okay being single. I
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: want to I want to love that period. I don't
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: want to be seeking someone anytime soon. I want to
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: just focus on me and be happy with that. So
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: I guess you're always someone that's no matter what state
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: you're in, you always just come off with so strong.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: Get into yourself, lean into yourself, and get to know yourself,
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: like I'm Jane's been divorced three times, and I would Jane,
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: wouldn't you say every time you got divorce, you knew
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: yourself better and you got to like closer to who
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: you really are.
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: Right, But it takes time. The first thing you have
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: to do is really figure out the role you played
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: in this. He calls it a loveless marriage. Did you
• 48:12
  Speaker 5: see it as a loveless marriage?
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: I didn't, But in just a couple of weeks, just
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: hindsight is definitely seeing things well.
• 48:21
  Speaker 5: I mean three marriages, they each ended slightly differently. But
• 48:24
  Speaker 5: I always have to try to understand what was my
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: role in make it, in the fact that it didn't work,
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: so that I don't repeat it. I did repeat it.
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: I'm a slow learner in many ways. But that's the
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: main thing for you is you're going to go on
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: in life and you want to know what changes do
• 48:43
  Speaker 5: you need to make and the way you approach relationships
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: and the way you do relationships that led this one
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: to not work. I mean, it's great you married somebody
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: who is as forthright as he is. I agree with Chelsea.
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: I mean I think it's I love the fact that
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: he was able to say this.
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: And that's almost what's made it so hard is that
• 49:02
  Speaker 4: you know he is such a good person, but knowing
• 49:05
  Speaker 4: that he has saved us from a future if we
• 49:07
  Speaker 4: had kids right now, I mean, I can't imagine.
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: How much bessy here would be.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: So you know, it's sad, but it's not as messy.
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: Do you have any issues with alcohol or drugs or food?
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: No, I'm actually at a pretty good place with that
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: right now. But it's funny you asked, because that was
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: actually a big jumping point for this. He had stopped
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: drinking back through the holidays. I stopped a little behind him,
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: but to support him, not for the same reasons he was.
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: That definitely was a component. We didn't have the issues
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: of drinking, but it was playing a factor of just
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: kind of numbing things that maybe we weren't talking about.
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: So when it was really just raw, I think is
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: when he really had that time. So how you're saying
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: I'm going to be thanking him in a couple of years,
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: I think that was something he didn't want to say
• 49:44
  Speaker 4: but was hinting at And it's painful to hear. But
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: I'm only a couple of weeks out and already kind
• 49:49
  Speaker 4: of feeling like, yeah, it was a hard but really
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: good thing.
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: I bet that you guys are going to remain friends
• 49:57
  Speaker 5: for a long time.
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know, so this is a huge opportunity
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: for you. Like it, being heartbroken in this way and
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: being kind of blindsided, so to speak, in this way
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: is a great opportunity for you to really like get
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: to know who you are. Now you get this time
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: with yourself, which you've already elucidated, Like you've already said,
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to being this single person. And strength
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: comes from knowing who you are. That's where you get
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: strength from, from really finding out. And when you're with
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: somebody for seven years, anyone will say that you lose
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: a little bit of yourself when you're kind of in
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: that relationship, right, you start to operate as a couple
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: and a pair rather than so independent. And so when
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: you have this time, it's the most valuable time we
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: ever get, is the time that we sit and go, Okay,
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: I'm going to lean into me. I'm going to read
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: as many books as possible. I'm going to meditate, I'm
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: going to like you know, go to therapy and get clean,
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: Like I want a clean slate, so that I'm going
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: into the next love relationship that I have as the
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: best version of myself, because as we get older, we're
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: just getting better and better and better at being who
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: we are. And like, you have this whole clean slate
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: that just kind of fell into your lap that you
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: didn't ask for, but now it's yours, and you're just
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: gonna grab it, like you grab a bowl by its
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: horns and be like, all right, I'm fucking ready, let's go.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: I'm ready to find out who I really am and
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: what I have in store for me. Because your whole
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: life is ahead of you. So you are going to
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: be grateful to him, You're going to be thanking him,
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: and you probably will be friends with him, and those
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: are all beautiful things.
• 51:31
  Speaker 5: Well said, Yeah, I totally agree with that.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited for you.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:35
  Speaker 5: And you said you have a hard time being alone?
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: Is that? Like I always had a hard time if
• 51:41
  Speaker 5: there wasn't an alpha male in my life, and for
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: years I always had a guy in my life. Now
• 51:47
  Speaker 5: I have girls in my life. Do you have a
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: lot of girlfriends?
• 51:52
  Speaker 4: It's something I've been working on, and it was something
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: even before this happened, I was aware of, like planning
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: a wedding.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: It was really evident and how for.
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: You female friendships I had so definitely working on making
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: that a priority myself first and that next. I'm not
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: looking for any kind of love relationship anytime soon, So
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: definitely looking for some girls.
• 52:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because girlfriends, if they're good girlfriends, they can also
• 52:16
  Speaker 5: help you learn about yourself and you can learn from them.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's also another great way to know about
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: yourself and learn about yourself is to learn about what
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: kind of friends you can be right. You know, when
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: you're in a relationship and you said you didn't have
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: a lot of friends, like that doesn't feel right for me.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: For you know, for as a woman, you need women
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: around you. You need to be helping them and they
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: need to be there for you. And that reciprocity will
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: give you so much more than so many love relationships
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: provide when you're not with the right partner. So, yeah,
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: your future is bright, and be optimistic and just get
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: into your groove and enjoy your single dumb because it
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: will not last forever. You will meet someone, you will
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: fall in love again, and you'll look back at this
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: time and be like, oh my god, that it was
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: so much fun.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, is there a daily affirmation that we can send
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: Aubrey away with to help rebuild confidence?
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: And yeah, get after it girl. Wake up every morning
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: and look in the mirror and be like, get after it, girl,
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: let's go.
• 53:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I love that.
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: You're so welcome. You're so welcome, and have the best time.
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, check in with us in a few months, Okay, Aubrey,
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: I will thank you so much.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: You're so welcome. You know what this reminded me of, Jane.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it was Ted Turner's book or
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: your book. You tell me when the breakup on the
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: plane when you guys, when he flew you to Atlanta,
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: or he was dropping you off right and he was
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: picking up his girlfriend? Was that what happened?
• 53:45
  Speaker 5: I got I went from his private plane to get
• 53:47
  Speaker 5: in my car, rented car to drive it to my
• 53:51
  Speaker 5: daughter's house because I was now a single woman after
• 53:55
  Speaker 5: a long long time. And I saw her leaving the
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: hangar and going to I know she'd be sitting in
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: my still warm seat. I knew who she was, and
• 54:05
  Speaker 5: it was really really painful.
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And if you can get through something like that,
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: I think you know you can get through anything. Because
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: that is heart wrenching.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll wrap up
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: with one more quick question.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: Great, and we're back with Jane Fonda. Okay, what's our
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: last question? Catherine? This has been awesome.
• 54:29
  Speaker 5: I didn't know that. You're like, dear Abby, is this
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: always what you do?
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, you know why I got so much out
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: of my sessions with Dan Siegel. I was like, I
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: gotta spread the love around. I was like, Oh, I
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: know all the answers to all this shit, now let's
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: do it. I started it as a kind of a joke,
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: but it got pretty serious quickly, so I'm just going
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: with it.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: But sure did well. Our last question comes from Misty.
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea bottom line. First, my friend Jane is a loyal,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: good person who would do anything for her friends. We're
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: both retired in our late sixties and very active with hiking, biking,
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: and essentially any outdoor activity. She visits me once or
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: twice a year for about two weeks. Jane has always
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: been a talker. Literally, on a ten mile hike, she
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: can talk the entire time, but lately her dissertations are
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: over the top about her life, dramas, her family, her neighbors, and,
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: most prominently, her health history. When Jane talks about her health,
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: she goes into excruciating details that have anyone with us
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: rolling their eyes. I'm having a very difficult time listening
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: to the dramas over and over again. I feel like
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: the only conversations we can have are the senior citizen
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: fixations on illness, medications, etc. You may not have experiences yet, Chelsea,
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: but just hang around seventy plus year olds for a while.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: There seems to be nothing else to talk about. I
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: feel like I only have two options to deal with
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: the situation. One tell Jane she has to stop this
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: obsessiveness on herself. Two, just suck it up and tune
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: it out, as I usually do, as Jane's visits are
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: only a couple of weeks a year. And the third
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: option I won't do is to totally diss her as
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: a friend. I just can't do that. Although if I
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: chose option one, she may never speak to me again.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe the problem is me. Am I disingenuous and should
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: listen and offer support if I claim to be a
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: real friend, Misty.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: I want to go first on this, Jane. I want
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: to just say suck it up and be a friend.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: Your friend is in her seventies and going through a time,
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: and what a real friend is is somebody who's there
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: when they don't feel like being there, and they listen
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: to stories that there may not be interested in. And
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: that's part of being a friend. It's not always what
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: you want to do or what you want to talk about.
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: It's about showing up for other women. And you have
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: a history with this person, and I think, just suck
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: it up and be there and actually try to listen
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: better instead of tuning it out. Listen better because maybe
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: she's repeating herself because she's not getting any feedback from
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: you because you are tuning her out. But I would
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: say to think about the value of female friendship and
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: show up. Jane, what do you think?
• 57:01
  Speaker 5: Well, I don't entirely agree with you, Chelsea. I think
• 57:07
  Speaker 5: if she's really your friend, that you should find a
• 57:10
  Speaker 5: loving way of making her aware that being with her
• 57:16
  Speaker 5: is a constant flow of her talking about herself and
• 57:21
  Speaker 5: that you love her and so you want to hear
• 57:24
  Speaker 5: about what she has to say, but that it's becoming
• 57:27
  Speaker 5: so one sided and that you would like to I
• 57:31
  Speaker 5: don't know, maybe you could help her find other things
• 57:35
  Speaker 5: of interest in her life. So it's not just I mean,
• 57:38
  Speaker 5: you know, I'm ten years older than she is. I'm
• 57:40
  Speaker 5: also Jane. I also have health issues, but I have
• 57:45
  Speaker 5: other things in my life, so I don't just when
• 57:49
  Speaker 5: I get together with old people, we do talk about
• 57:51
  Speaker 5: who has the most joints replaced and who's been you know,
• 57:55
  Speaker 5: I mean, we do talk about it. It's kind of
• 57:57
  Speaker 5: fun to see how much you have in common, but
• 57:59
  Speaker 5: it's camp the only thing you talk about. I mean,
• 58:02
  Speaker 5: my friends tell me. I want to be Chelsea's friends,
• 58:06
  Speaker 5: so I'll tell Chelsea if I think that the behavior
• 58:10
  Speaker 5: has been problematic, and people certainly tell me when they
• 58:14
  Speaker 5: think my behavior has been and they're still my friends.
• 58:18
  Speaker 5: That's what I want them for, is because they'll tell
• 58:20
  Speaker 5: me the truth. So if you really want to be
• 58:24
  Speaker 5: a friend, then I think you should tell her in
• 58:25
  Speaker 5: a loving way, not break off your friendship, but just
• 58:30
  Speaker 5: try to work together with her, both of you, to
• 58:34
  Speaker 5: make her realize the impact she has on you as
• 58:36
  Speaker 5: her friend who wants to love her. But it's becoming hard.
• 58:41
  Speaker 5: You never asked me about your about me. Don't you
• 58:44
  Speaker 5: care anything about me? You know? I mean, it's got
• 58:46
  Speaker 5: to be a give and take, and I just I
• 58:48
  Speaker 5: think you can do that in a loving way that
• 58:51
  Speaker 5: will make her understand. I mean, maybe you know, maybe
• 58:55
  Speaker 5: you don't know. It would be interesting to know. Does
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: she drive a lot of her friends away? Other friends
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: of her have the same problem that you're asking Chelsea about,
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: and maybe nobody has taken the time or loved her
• 59:07
  Speaker 5: enough to be able to say, wait a minute, now,
• 59:09
  Speaker 5: this is becoming a problem, so let's deal with it.
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: You're such a wonderful friend and an interesting person, but
• 59:14
  Speaker 5: this is what's happening, so let's fix it. I mean,
• 59:17
  Speaker 5: if you're hiking with her and friends of yours are
• 59:21
  Speaker 5: rolling their eyes, then it's not just you.
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but don't you think sometimes younger people don't understand
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: what older people are going through. There's obviously an age
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: disparity and.
• 59:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and older people don't understand how boring they can
• 59:35
  Speaker 5: get when all they talk about is you know what
• 59:39
  Speaker 5: I mean. It's like, if she wants to maintain her friendship,
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: somebody's got to say, hey, wait a minute, I love
• 59:46
  Speaker 5: you and I want to be able to be with
• 59:48
  Speaker 5: you when it's not just all about your ills and
• 59:51
  Speaker 5: aches and pains.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: I was on a chair lift the other day and
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: I have my hamike talking about my hip, and my
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: friend's talking about her knee and my other friend and
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: I go, guys, just let's stop. We're all young. Let's
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, we're all in our you know, about to
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: turn fifty next year. But I'm like, this is not
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: what I want to be talking about. But I would
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: only say that to someone my own age, Like I
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: want to show deference to people that are older and
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: give them the respect of listening.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 5: I'm trying to make a joke out of it. I mean,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 5: I love talking about my aches and pains and with
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 5: other people talking about their aches and pains with me.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 5: But then, you know, then we have to make a
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 5: joke about it and laugh at ourselves and just make
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 5: it easier for younger people to say, yeah, you guys,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: come on, yeah.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: I do like joking about it and saying like, well,
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: I guess we can't only talk about our aches and pains.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: What's what good things are going on in life right now?
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: And kind of gently redirect.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 5: And I'll send us right back to talking about our
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 5: aches and pain. What good things are happy? I mean,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: we live in right now.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: God, there's the climate that's always a pick me up.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: Jane Fonda. I love you, I adore you. I'm mean
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: to see you in a couple of weeks. I can't wait.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your time today. Thank you
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: for everything you've done. Thank you for being a beacon
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: of light and a role model for all of us
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: younger girls.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 5: Thank you very much. Chelsea. You're younger than my children.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 5: I just want you to know, and I love that.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 5: I don't feel older than you, but that's okay. I
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 5: love you too, Chelsea, and I want to be one
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 5: of your girlfriends. I don't have this enough humored. I
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 5: don't think to be here.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: Yes you do, you have plenty of humor. You are
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: one of my girlfriends. I just am never in La
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: But I will see you soon and we will re
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: cement our bond.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 5: With Connie maybe.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I'll text Connie right now. Make sure
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: she's coming too.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah, she's not going to be here for a while.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 5: She's working with de Niro in New York.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: And oh yeah, she's pretending to be an actress. I
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: told her nobody buys her acting, so hopefully she'll just
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: give that up soon.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 5: Oh God, she's so good.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: I know she is good. Yeah, she is good.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 5: I love you soon.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, bye day bye. Okay, guys, so firs stand up.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: We added a second show in Sydney, and we added
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: added two dates at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: on July nineteenth to.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: CA Who Louis.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be at CA Who Louis, and then
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: I'm coming on July twenty at to Honolulu. And I
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: just added another date on August first Auburn, Washington. So
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: and I will be announcing a European tour shortly, so
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: I will be coming there. And I'm coming to Oklahoma.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: I have two dates in Oklahoma. May third, which is
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, and May fourth, I'll be
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: in Thackerville, Oklahoma. So Oklahomaans, Oklahomans Oklahom's Come Bye.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: com