Latest / Deeply Well with Devi Brown / 1-2-1 with Charlamagne Tha God & Dr. Alfiee Breland-Noble

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1-2-1 with Charlamagne Tha God & Dr. Alfiee Breland-Noble · Deeply Well with Devi Brown

0:04
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Debbie Brown from the Dropping Gyms podcast. Really
0:07
Speaker 1: excited Me and my girls Zurie Hall from the Hot
0:10
Speaker 1: Happy Mess podcast are bringing you Happy Jim's. That's right.
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Speaker 1: The Black Effect Podcast Network is proud to present the
0:18
Speaker 1: Happy Jim's Virtual Event. It is going down to really
0:21
Speaker 1: equip everyone with all the tools that they need to
0:24
Speaker 1: live the biggest life possible. It's Bipop Mental Health Awareness Month.
0:29
Speaker 1: We want to make sure you have all the tools
0:31
Speaker 1: for your inner and outer work whenever you need it,
0:34
Speaker 1: So don't miss this really unique, once in a lifetime
0:36
Speaker 1: experience where you can find tools on creating balance and
0:39
Speaker 1: manifesting happiness. To join me, Debbie Brown and Zurie Hall
0:44
Speaker 1: for Happy Gems, go to moment house dot com, forward
0:47
Speaker 1: slash Black Effect and get your tickets today. From grandmothers
1:05
Speaker 1: who whispered in their baby girl is two fathers on
1:08
Speaker 1: dimly lit street corners instructing young soldiers to always keep
1:12
Speaker 1: their eyes open. You be queen, You were fired. You
1:16
Speaker 1: will passed through centuries on the hands of your daughters.
1:19
Speaker 1: They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the backs of diamond
1:24
Speaker 1: eyed school children who grow into hymnals recited by amethyst,
1:28
Speaker 1: holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments out of the
1:32
Speaker 1: windows of restored Alchemedo cherios to keep the warmth of
1:35
Speaker 1: their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black, Opal Brown
1:41
Speaker 1: courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of jim s
1:47
Speaker 1: King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife, wife,
1:52
Speaker 1: told her daughter, and daughter told the ancestors, and the
1:55
Speaker 1: ancestors told me that you would come to give wisdom
1:59
Speaker 1: the house. They Hey, welcome. This is the Dropping Gems podcast.
2:08
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Debbie Brown, and this is a show
2:11
Speaker 1: where we explore higher consciousness for real life. So it
2:14
Speaker 1: is all about demystifying self care, demystifying personal discovery, demystifying
2:21
Speaker 1: self awareness, and making all of these pieces so easy
2:26
Speaker 1: to fit into your day to day life, because Lord
2:30
Speaker 1: knows we all need the tools and we all already
2:33
Speaker 1: have them inside of us. And this show is really
2:36
Speaker 1: all about exploring how to observe them, utilize them, cultivate them.
2:43
Speaker 1: So this episode today is really in service to recognizing
2:47
Speaker 1: May as Mental Health Month. Mental health is a huge
2:53
Speaker 1: conversation that is shifting the paradigm of our collective consciousness.
2:58
Speaker 1: You know, it's obviously UM psychology has been around for
3:02
Speaker 1: a couple hundred years, UM philosophy has been around for thousands,
3:06
Speaker 1: and self investigation of the human experience and a desire
3:10
Speaker 1: to feel deeply seen and heard, a desire to have
3:16
Speaker 1: access to the highest level possible of our self expression
3:20
Speaker 1: UM and to be known to one another. That is
3:23
Speaker 1: a human desire and longing that has existed by design
3:29
Speaker 1: since the start of humanity. So mental health and mental
3:33
Speaker 1: health excuse me, is having really it's expanded moment in
3:37
Speaker 1: the sun right now where we're able to have these
3:39
Speaker 1: expansive conversations about what our pasts have looked like, what
3:44
Speaker 1: we desire futures to be, how we're experiencing our present moment,
3:49
Speaker 1: and also how to unburden ourselves. You know, something that
3:52
Speaker 1: I've really enjoyed about being alive in this moment in
3:55
Speaker 1: time is all of the conversations we are able to
4:00
Speaker 1: have about our feelings and our experiences. And it's never
4:04
Speaker 1: lost on me how we're really the first of our
4:09
Speaker 1: kinds in this moment. Whatever generation you fall into, if
4:13
Speaker 1: you are alive right now, whatever age you can be five,
4:16
Speaker 1: you can be ninete. UM. This is a moment in
4:19
Speaker 1: time that's never been where we are really practicing and
4:26
Speaker 1: learning how to and standing in our truth UM, and
4:31
Speaker 1: it is a privilege. I was having a conversation with
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Speaker 1: my mom recently we traveled to Mexico, my mother and
4:38
Speaker 1: I my son UH this past week. I spend a
4:42
Speaker 1: lot of time in Mexico. I actually lived there for
4:45
Speaker 1: part of the year UM. And we were just having
4:48
Speaker 1: a conversation about, you know, intergenerationally, what we've all had
4:53
Speaker 1: access to. And I think something that was a really
4:57
Speaker 1: important UM piece of my journey in the last ten years,
5:03
Speaker 1: something I felt really strongly about, was this idea of
5:06
Speaker 1: breaking generational curses UM and in other language that's referred
5:11
Speaker 1: to as really the healing of ancestral trauma or the
5:14
Speaker 1: healing of intergenerational trauma. And you know, I think myself
5:18
Speaker 1: and many people that I know, there was such a
5:20
Speaker 1: deep pride we were taking in that UM. But there's
5:23
Speaker 1: also a humility and a gratitude to be had because
5:27
Speaker 1: every generation did the absolute best they could from the
5:32
Speaker 1: access to consciousness that they had. And the great thing
5:36
Speaker 1: about humanity, UM Lord Willen, is that as we all
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Speaker 1: keep going, every incremental step forward that we make, every
5:45
Speaker 1: healing that we share with ourselves, no matter how deep,
5:51
Speaker 1: it's all in service to the generations that come next.
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Speaker 1: And so yes, many of us are committed to this
5:58
Speaker 1: beautiful moment where we have the privilege and the freedom
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Speaker 1: and the access to be with ourselves as deeply as
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Speaker 1: we're capable of, and to have an access to information
6:09
Speaker 1: and access to the hacks from other people that came
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Speaker 1: before us, the literature, the videos, the podcast like this one.
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Speaker 1: But we also have to honor the fact that all
6:19
Speaker 1: of the generations that came before us, our parents, they
6:22
Speaker 1: did not have all of this, and they did the
6:25
Speaker 1: absolute best they could with the information that was the
6:29
Speaker 1: leading information of the time. So one of the things
6:32
Speaker 1: that she and I were exploring, I think I'll do
6:34
Speaker 1: a whole another episode about this was even just parenting,
6:37
Speaker 1: you know, and and the leading parenting of the time,
6:41
Speaker 1: and the books that you know, my mom was reading
6:43
Speaker 1: at the time. We're talking about things like time out
6:46
Speaker 1: and how that's really needed for kids, and you know,
6:49
Speaker 1: there's their space for time out. There's also time ins,
6:52
Speaker 1: which is you know, what a lot of us call
6:53
Speaker 1: it now. But the piece that we've expanded in now
6:57
Speaker 1: gratefully is that you know, explaining to our children's why
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Speaker 1: they're having a moment to breathe, why they are having
7:05
Speaker 1: a moment of time out, and nurturing their emotions in
7:08
Speaker 1: that process and not isolating them. UM. But that only
7:11
Speaker 1: comes with time, and that only comes with trial and error,
7:14
Speaker 1: and so making peace with where parenting was at at
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Speaker 1: the different stages of our human experience UM can be
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Speaker 1: really powerful to begin to explore and observe and begin
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Speaker 1: to release some against nous around and you know, just
7:32
Speaker 1: looking at it from the purview of what was available
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Speaker 1: for those that came before us, and also recognizing for
7:40
Speaker 1: some the courage and the bravery it took for each
7:44
Speaker 1: to do the best they could in each moment. So
7:48
Speaker 1: those are my thoughts on that I kind of I
7:49
Speaker 1: wasn't expecting to go there, but here we are. So
7:52
Speaker 1: this episode, we are in Mental Health Month, and I
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Speaker 1: had the opportunity to have a really expansive conversation with
8:00
Speaker 1: of my best friends in the world, my soul family,
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Speaker 1: and also the creator of this network that my podcast
8:06
Speaker 1: is on, Charlemagne the God a k a. Leonard. He
8:10
Speaker 1: and I were part of a live series on the
8:13
Speaker 1: Mental Health Coalition Instagram powered by Kenneth Cole and we
8:18
Speaker 1: had a conversation that was called the one to one
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Speaker 1: and so the real basis of it was that everyone
8:26
Speaker 1: needs to talk to someone and Charlemagne, for me, represents UM,
8:30
Speaker 1: one of the closest human beings in my life. And
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Speaker 1: he and I are constantly UM throughout the week in
8:38
Speaker 1: conversation about our growth and what we're learning and ourselves,
8:42
Speaker 1: and such an honor and a joy to have that
8:46
Speaker 1: depth of friendship in my life. And so he and
8:49
Speaker 1: I talked about that. We talked about UM, the way
8:52
Speaker 1: that we connect with one another. We talked insights on
8:55
Speaker 1: self care and black mental health, and we were joined
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Speaker 1: by the phenomenal Dr Alphie, who is also both of
9:03
Speaker 1: us are on the founding board of Charlemagne's foundation, the
9:07
Speaker 1: Mental Health Alliance, and Dr Alphie is just such an
9:10
Speaker 1: incredibly brilliant doctor, psychologist, woman, soul scientist UM. And so
9:18
Speaker 1: we all got to weigh in on how we experience
9:21
Speaker 1: mental health and how we experience connecting with other people
9:25
Speaker 1: for the benefit of our mental health. So I thought,
9:27
Speaker 1: this week, I'd love to share this conversation with you.
9:31
Speaker 1: So here we go. Charlemagne got here live from the
9:39
Speaker 1: Mental Health Coalition. You're about to have us a nice
9:43
Speaker 1: little lively conversation today. These have been called one to
9:47
Speaker 1: one courtesy and a Mental health Coalition. What's happening, my sister, Charlotte.
9:56
Speaker 1: I love you. I'm so happy to see your face.
9:58
Speaker 1: I love you more. You know, we're doing where we're
10:01
Speaker 1: coming from. The Mental Health Coalition handle today for their
10:05
Speaker 1: thirty one Days and May project. You know as well
10:07
Speaker 1: as I do that May is mental Health Awareness Month,
10:10
Speaker 1: and every single day in May we're gonna they're gonna
10:12
Speaker 1: have live conversations about mental health, you know. And I
10:15
Speaker 1: always tell folks on the only way we're gonna eradicate
10:17
Speaker 1: the stigma around mental health of all of us to
10:19
Speaker 1: tell our stories. So you know, that's what we're here
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Speaker 1: today to do. Absolutely absolutely owning. Owning our stories and
10:30
Speaker 1: being an acceptance of our stories is such a big
10:34
Speaker 1: part of what the work is the work of self,
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Speaker 1: the work of healing, the work of the soul. You know,
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Speaker 1: I think sometimes our stories can really limit us. But
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Speaker 1: when we connect to them and use them as things
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Speaker 1: that don't define us and are in judgment for ourselves,
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Speaker 1: for our stories, there's just so much opportunity I'm gonna
10:53
Speaker 1: ask you a question, and I want to honest answer. Okay,
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Speaker 1: And it's a question nowadays that you should not ask
11:00
Speaker 1: people if you don't want to honest answer. Oh Lord,
11:04
Speaker 1: how are you? Oh? I feel very equipped for this
11:13
Speaker 1: moment of my life. M hm, So I feel I
11:17
Speaker 1: feel very well, I feel nourished, I feel good. But
11:20
Speaker 1: life is also has its challenges, which I think for
11:23
Speaker 1: all of us, and I speak to that to say
11:26
Speaker 1: it's so important. I think a lot of people see
11:28
Speaker 1: me meditating on the Graham, or you know, see me
11:31
Speaker 1: working in wellness, and the imagination is that, oh, you've
11:35
Speaker 1: reached that limit and now everything is peace, and everything
11:38
Speaker 1: is constant tranquility. And yes, I do feel peace a
11:43
Speaker 1: resounding amount of the time. But my life is like
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Speaker 1: every human experience that's filled with challenge. And I think
11:50
Speaker 1: what these tools give us when we do lock into
11:53
Speaker 1: healing work is that the way we feel about ourselves
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Speaker 1: doesn't have to have against this, it doesn't have to
12:01
Speaker 1: have charged right. We can go through all of the
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Speaker 1: challenges that we may face with a little more stability,
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Speaker 1: a little more grace, a little more structure to our healing,
12:12
Speaker 1: and a little bit more ability to be um equipped
12:16
Speaker 1: to meet our own needs. Mhmm. So what if you
12:20
Speaker 1: what about those moments when you show up and you
12:22
Speaker 1: you you know, you say you feel equipped? What about
12:25
Speaker 1: those moments when you don't feel equipped? Because that's the
12:27
Speaker 1: thing about life, right, It's always these ebbs and flows.
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Speaker 1: Like some days you're like, you up and you're ready
12:32
Speaker 1: for the challenge, and some days you're like, y'all, I'll
12:34
Speaker 1: just exhausted. I'm drained. I don't have anything to pour
12:37
Speaker 1: in anybody because I need to light pouring to me. Well,
12:40
Speaker 1: you know what, It's interesting, right because by the word equipped,
12:44
Speaker 1: I never said that I had every tool, and so
12:46
Speaker 1: I think, um, we have to reevaluate what equipped me?
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Speaker 1: And sometimes equipped is I have the ability to stop right, Like,
12:57
Speaker 1: sometimes it's a day like I had a few weeks
13:00
Speaker 1: ago where I did feel deeply depressed. I had some
13:03
Speaker 1: depression creeping in I had I was really exhausted, and
13:06
Speaker 1: in that moment, I just said, I'm gonna be with
13:08
Speaker 1: myself today. I'm not going to get mad at myself
13:11
Speaker 1: for feeling down. I'm not going to be in judgment
13:14
Speaker 1: of myself for feeling not as on as I normally am. Instead,
13:18
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say, oh, my body is natural alarm system.
13:22
Speaker 1: Let is letting me know that I need to focus
13:25
Speaker 1: on myself, that I need to have some rest. And
13:28
Speaker 1: so that is being equipped knowing when to turn off,
13:31
Speaker 1: knowing when to surrender. Um. So on days like that,
13:34
Speaker 1: it's just so powerful to listen to your own soul,
13:37
Speaker 1: to listen to your body and let it tell you
13:41
Speaker 1: what it needs and stop trying to program it with
13:44
Speaker 1: other things that you're seeing in the world or that
13:46
Speaker 1: you're seeing on Instagram, or not to be comparative with
13:49
Speaker 1: your journey. You know, part of the human experience is
13:53
Speaker 1: we are constantly in this evan flow. You know, we
13:57
Speaker 1: are constantly navigating and moving and just surrendering to that
14:01
Speaker 1: flow and knowing that on the days that don't feel
14:04
Speaker 1: as nourishing and don't feel as good, you're still enough,
14:08
Speaker 1: You're still worthy, you still have the ability to change
14:12
Speaker 1: directions at any moment, you have choice. What what do
14:17
Speaker 1: you think you know, when we talk about mental health awareness,
14:20
Speaker 1: M what do you think people should be aware of, Like, like,
14:23
Speaker 1: if it's just a person that's just tuning into this,
14:26
Speaker 1: you know they want to do the work on themselves,
14:29
Speaker 1: but they haven't started. Where does the journey begin. I
14:36
Speaker 1: think the journey really begins and simply identifying that you
14:40
Speaker 1: want to feel something else. I don't want to put
14:44
Speaker 1: it in the hierarchy of like, you want to feel better, right,
14:46
Speaker 1: because that's everyone has their different level of that whatever
14:50
Speaker 1: that is. And sometimes our perception of better or more
14:54
Speaker 1: is based on the limitation of how we know ourselves
14:56
Speaker 1: right now. So I think, um, when you just make
15:00
Speaker 1: the conscious choice that you want to feel something different,
15:05
Speaker 1: that is the beginning of it. Intention setting cannot be um,
15:10
Speaker 1: I think. I think sometimes it's undervalued. I think sometimes
15:13
Speaker 1: people see the idea of intention setting as you've already
15:16
Speaker 1: reached a certain level of enlightenment and now it's about manifesting,
15:19
Speaker 1: and so, oh, my intention is I want to have this,
15:22
Speaker 1: I want to be this. And sometimes intention setting is
15:25
Speaker 1: just saying I don't have the answer, but I know
15:29
Speaker 1: I want to make another choice. Please please, Universe, God, people,
15:35
Speaker 1: tangible people in my life, please support me in this.
15:39
Speaker 1: And knowing that you not knowing the answer yet is
15:42
Speaker 1: what the journey is. You know a lot of times
15:45
Speaker 1: I think too, even when it comes with the acceptance
15:49
Speaker 1: of self even when it comes with the way that
15:51
Speaker 1: we experience our mental health. We walk into even our
15:55
Speaker 1: healing with such a judgment of why don't I already
15:59
Speaker 1: know of this? Why why don't I already have the tools?
16:02
Speaker 1: And that judgment is what limits our healing. That judgment
16:07
Speaker 1: is what limits our ability to even seek out the help,
16:10
Speaker 1: because we're trying to wrap ourselves in a certain package
16:14
Speaker 1: before we're even delivering to the doorstep of the person
16:17
Speaker 1: that will help us. We are allowed to come as
16:20
Speaker 1: we are in that moment. We are enough, We are
16:24
Speaker 1: enough all the time, but giving ourselves permission to not
16:29
Speaker 1: be perfect, to not be the experts. And I think
16:32
Speaker 1: you know, part of the way the human brain works
16:34
Speaker 1: in general is that we really prize predictive behavior, ever
16:38
Speaker 1: since the cave man age when we had to stay alive,
16:41
Speaker 1: and we look at everything that we envision for ourselves
16:45
Speaker 1: and we think we have to have the vertical or
16:48
Speaker 1: the trajectory of how to do that. Well, if you've
16:51
Speaker 1: never done it, how could you? How would you? It
16:54
Speaker 1: hasn't been done by you yet, And that's okay, and
16:57
Speaker 1: that's what the journey is. And so I think the
17:00
Speaker 1: use of it that I would really speak to that.
17:01
Speaker 1: I hope anyone watching this takes away is the importance
17:05
Speaker 1: of curiosity. When we begin to look at our lives
17:10
Speaker 1: with curiosity instead of judgment, we create our freedom. So
17:14
Speaker 1: even on the days that we feel sad, I work
17:17
Speaker 1: in well being, but I also have been in this
17:19
Speaker 1: global pandemic. I have struggled with depression for the past year,
17:23
Speaker 1: as so many people. But in the moments that I'm
17:26
Speaker 1: feeling my perceived lowest, I'm really looking at myself and saying, Okay,
17:32
Speaker 1: what are your needs? How can you show up for
17:35
Speaker 1: yourself right now? And if you can't show up for yourself,
17:38
Speaker 1: that's okay, but how can you find someone or something
17:42
Speaker 1: to aid you? But our freedom is in our curiosity.
17:45
Speaker 1: As soon as we begin to see ourselves as these
17:48
Speaker 1: divine co creators that can be active participants in our lives,
17:53
Speaker 1: that don't have to know all the answers, that can
17:55
Speaker 1: just begin to answer ask questions. We we take the
18:00
Speaker 1: limitations of our life, we take the limitations off of
18:03
Speaker 1: our mental health, off of our soul nourishment, and there's
18:06
Speaker 1: just opportunity in front of us. Not having the answers
18:10
Speaker 1: is what causes panic attacks. Dev I know, I know.
18:15
Speaker 1: And what helps with that is making peace with the
18:18
Speaker 1: fact that you were never designed to have the answers
18:20
Speaker 1: who told you you had to have them, m who
18:24
Speaker 1: told you that you had to know everything, who told
18:28
Speaker 1: you that you had to fix quote unquote fix yourself
18:32
Speaker 1: because of brokenness, or that something was wrong with you
18:36
Speaker 1: because you didn't learn within your family system ways to
18:40
Speaker 1: regulate your emotions. We have to start even our curiosity.
18:44
Speaker 1: We have to start looking at the way we've answered
18:48
Speaker 1: questions for ourselves. Curiosity isn't asking a question and then
18:51
Speaker 1: shooting in with an answer. Curiosity is asking the question
18:55
Speaker 1: and allowing life to inform that answer. Mhm. You know
19:00
Speaker 1: I hit you last week. I sent you a text
19:02
Speaker 1: because you know, I just had a conversation and we
19:05
Speaker 1: have Jan Levan John on the show and I was saying,
19:07
Speaker 1: how like well she said, she asked me, and am
19:12
Speaker 1: I doing growth work? Healing work? And you know, I
19:17
Speaker 1: get triggered easily, right like all like, And it's like
19:21
Speaker 1: when you get triggered, it feels like all the work
19:23
Speaker 1: you've done is just out the window, right because it
19:26
Speaker 1: feels like you're right back to where you started, right,
19:30
Speaker 1: So what do you think you think you think that
19:32
Speaker 1: they go hand in hand. Can you be doing one
19:34
Speaker 1: without the other? Like is their growth work? Is their
19:37
Speaker 1: healing work with what's the difference? Yeah, And they absolutely
19:41
Speaker 1: go hand in hand, but they are different things because
19:44
Speaker 1: you know, human beings, by design, we can learn anything,
19:47
Speaker 1: we can regurgitate anything, we can pare it anything. And
19:50
Speaker 1: so what you would kind of call the way that
19:53
Speaker 1: I'm interpreting what you're sharing, what we would call like
19:56
Speaker 1: that stage in which we are m m that stage
20:05
Speaker 1: and with we're when we're focused more on growth mindset
20:08
Speaker 1: that is more of the cognitive or intellectualization phase. To
20:14
Speaker 1: actually change our lives and the way that we feel
20:17
Speaker 1: about ourselves, we have to take what we've learned in
20:19
Speaker 1: our minds and bring it down to our hearts and
20:22
Speaker 1: be with ourselves in process. And so you know, as
20:28
Speaker 1: you shared, you know, like having triggers from not knowing
20:31
Speaker 1: certain answers or having triggers of things that maybe we
20:34
Speaker 1: have been previously working on. Even reframing that lens, it
20:39
Speaker 1: takes us to a place that's so much deeper than growth,
20:42
Speaker 1: and it really becomes that space of transformation and transcendence.
20:46
Speaker 1: And so what that would kind of look like, is
20:49
Speaker 1: next time you feel triggered about something, just surrendering to
20:53
Speaker 1: knowing you have a right to feel triggered and that
20:55
Speaker 1: you have been on learning that. But now there's an
20:59
Speaker 1: opportunity to deep in it, you know. There there are
21:01
Speaker 1: certain things within my own story that I've been working
21:04
Speaker 1: on for ten years, you know. And I remember at
21:06
Speaker 1: one point I had a few years ago, I had this.
21:09
Speaker 1: I ended up like collapsed in tears, and I was
21:12
Speaker 1: just like, I thought, I already healed this. Why am
21:14
Speaker 1: I Why do I Why am I crying about this?
21:18
Speaker 1: You know? And someone I was speaking to at the time,
21:21
Speaker 1: they said, yeah, but you healed so much of it,
21:27
Speaker 1: and that's why you've arrived at this moment an opportunity
21:30
Speaker 1: to go even deeper, you know. And so if we
21:33
Speaker 1: stop looking at the growth of our spirits and the
21:36
Speaker 1: nourishment of our mental health through the lens of society
21:41
Speaker 1: and accomplishment, that's really what the problem is. We're looking
21:45
Speaker 1: at our growth and our healing through the societal construct
21:48
Speaker 1: of what it is to be successful, what it is
21:51
Speaker 1: to be accomplished, and we reframe it around our own
21:55
Speaker 1: personal needs. Freedom is there, you know, And so next time,
21:59
Speaker 1: maybe something that was triggering for you, um, you know,
22:02
Speaker 1: maybe someone's been walking through healing betrayals or healing something
22:06
Speaker 1: that happened within their family system, and next time you
22:09
Speaker 1: get triggered just saying, oh, there's still something there, and
22:12
Speaker 1: I'm stending it love, and I'm working on it and
22:14
Speaker 1: I'm willing to look at it. But also, wow, I've
22:18
Speaker 1: come so far. I remember when this moment I couldn't
22:22
Speaker 1: even speak it out loud. Now I'm letting myself cry,
22:26
Speaker 1: you know. And it's within this mental health conversation, within
22:29
Speaker 1: like the conversation of well being, it's really about how
22:32
Speaker 1: can we take away judgment for self, cut out those
22:37
Speaker 1: other voices, and then how can we also meet ourselves
22:42
Speaker 1: with compassion and tenderness when we need it? You know something,
22:46
Speaker 1: you and we talk about me and you talk about
22:47
Speaker 1: this stuff all the time, like we're always always always
22:50
Speaker 1: on the phone talking. But you know, we talked about
22:53
Speaker 1: with a joke like hugging trees, right, but even learning
22:56
Speaker 1: to hug yourself and already though there's probably a few
23:00
Speaker 1: people rolling their eyes in the chat, and that's cool,
23:03
Speaker 1: but hugging, touching, loving yourself, you know, being able to
23:10
Speaker 1: rest your hand on your heart for a minute, take
23:12
Speaker 1: a breath, close your eyes. You know, how often are
23:17
Speaker 1: we really with ourselves? How often are we really even
23:21
Speaker 1: giving a compassionate hand to us. You can touch yourself,
23:27
Speaker 1: you can focus on your breath, You can close your
23:29
Speaker 1: eyes and get quiet and still and create this galaxy
23:33
Speaker 1: inside of your being, this this place that's just for you.
23:37
Speaker 1: You know. Reframing how we show up for ourselves is
23:40
Speaker 1: so powerful. Maybe it's not taking yourself on the shopping trip.
23:44
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not going to the spa. Maybe it's just
23:48
Speaker 1: being willing to look your own self in the mirror
23:51
Speaker 1: and stare yourself in the eyes for a few minutes
23:54
Speaker 1: and not look away. You know. Maybe it's just I'm
23:59
Speaker 1: gonna hole my own body and hold my own shoulders
24:02
Speaker 1: on a day that I'm not feeling full salute Saluta Shanty.
24:06
Speaker 1: Does I see Andrew Martinez in here? S my man?
24:09
Speaker 1: D Nice. Know what you're saying is so true, because
24:12
Speaker 1: I think that we look at healing as something that
24:17
Speaker 1: it's like a video game, right, like you got to
24:18
Speaker 1: complete a level. But my therapist was like that's she
24:23
Speaker 1: she was like, that's not the way to look at
24:25
Speaker 1: it because it's a constant process. Right, because of what
24:28
Speaker 1: you just said, those things might you might get retriggered,
24:33
Speaker 1: and yeah, you know you gotta you gotta go back
24:35
Speaker 1: within yourself again. Yeah, And we can't be scared of
24:40
Speaker 1: the triggers, like we have to take away the fear
24:44
Speaker 1: of what resides inside of us. That is the biggest
24:47
Speaker 1: piece of it. We all have our stories, and I
24:50
Speaker 1: think you know, for some people, sometimes those stories they
24:54
Speaker 1: didn't they didn't ask for our consent to live inside
24:59
Speaker 1: of us. Right. There are some things that some of
25:01
Speaker 1: us are walking through that feel so shameful, so full
25:05
Speaker 1: of guilt, so full of humiliation, pain, um or things
25:10
Speaker 1: that we didn't ask for in such deep ways that
25:14
Speaker 1: it makes us every time we get triggered, it makes
25:17
Speaker 1: us ashamed of ourselves. And instead it's like, can you
25:21
Speaker 1: be willing to treat your trigger, to treat your inner
25:25
Speaker 1: child and your younger self with the same love and
25:28
Speaker 1: compassion that you'd offer any other human being or any
25:31
Speaker 1: child on the street. Talk to her, to yourself like
25:33
Speaker 1: a three year old on my on my hardest day,
25:36
Speaker 1: I talked to myself exact way I talked to my
25:38
Speaker 1: three year old son you know, and I give myself.
25:41
Speaker 1: I gift myself that love that sometimes I felt I
25:45
Speaker 1: didn't receive. You can give yourself that love, you know.
25:48
Speaker 1: But we have to we have to step out of
25:51
Speaker 1: the fear when you're triggered. It's nothing to be ashamed about.
25:54
Speaker 1: You experienced trauma, and you have come so far and
26:00
Speaker 1: your healing and the healing that you lend to every
26:03
Speaker 1: human being you encounter. And now I'm speaking directly to you,
26:05
Speaker 1: shar because you are one of the most loving, loyal
26:10
Speaker 1: human beings I have ever met in my whole life.
26:13
Speaker 1: Like thinking of you and our friendship will bring me
26:16
Speaker 1: to tears on any day you're gonna make me cry.
26:20
Speaker 1: I want you to let those let those delicious tears fall,
26:24
Speaker 1: catch up drink later. I was gonna I was gonna
26:28
Speaker 1: ask you to give us an example, because I've seen
26:30
Speaker 1: you talk to uh, my little man, So give me
26:35
Speaker 1: an example of how you talk to yourself. Okay, well,
26:40
Speaker 1: I'll tell you so. Every night I have a really expansive,
26:43
Speaker 1: specific affirmation session that I deal with my son that
26:46
Speaker 1: we've been doing since he was a newborn. And I
26:49
Speaker 1: have found that on some of my days I repeat
26:52
Speaker 1: the exact same things that I say to him, and
26:54
Speaker 1: I say them to myself. So what I would do
26:57
Speaker 1: is like close my eyes and I'm gonna share. I'm
26:58
Speaker 1: gonna share with everyone. He you're in the way that
27:01
Speaker 1: I do it for my son. His name is Quest
27:04
Speaker 1: and so you know, closing your eyes, hand over hard
27:07
Speaker 1: and just saying, um, I always say this to him.
27:12
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna just go with it. But Mommy loves you,
27:15
Speaker 1: Daddy loves you, God loves you, and you love you.
27:20
Speaker 1: You are filled with joy and enthusiasm for yourself, for
27:25
Speaker 1: your life. You are safe, you are protected, you are
27:32
Speaker 1: provided for, You are covered in God's grace. You are
27:38
Speaker 1: perfectly designed. And then I'll usually say you are loved
27:42
Speaker 1: and lovable, You're valued, and you are valuable. You are
27:46
Speaker 1: cherished and helped by the people in your life. You
27:49
Speaker 1: have an expanse of open heart, you are so funny,
27:53
Speaker 1: you are so and then I'll you know, I'll go
27:54
Speaker 1: into different things, but that is the core of it.
27:56
Speaker 1: And so I send that to him. And a big
28:01
Speaker 1: breakthrough for me was if I see him and understand
28:04
Speaker 1: him as worthy enough of this, then everything about me
28:07
Speaker 1: is worthy of that as well. Even if I didn't
28:10
Speaker 1: hear it in that way. I can still give that
28:13
Speaker 1: to myself. So it's even this idea of the lack
28:16
Speaker 1: of what we perceived that we didn't receive from other people,
28:20
Speaker 1: other places, other experiences. We think we're just now expected
28:25
Speaker 1: to live a life devoid of all of that. We're
28:28
Speaker 1: in reality, we are always in control and have choice
28:32
Speaker 1: and gifting that to us me doing that with myself
28:35
Speaker 1: for five minutes cost me nothing. No one sees me.
28:39
Speaker 1: I can be as tender, as silly as anything that
28:42
Speaker 1: I want to be, but it changes the structure of
28:45
Speaker 1: my day and how I feel about myself. Wow. Listen
28:49
Speaker 1: for everybody who's just joining us. My name is Charlomi Nard.
28:54
Speaker 1: I'm talking to Debbie Brown. Debbie is a wellness expert.
28:57
Speaker 1: She's an author, and somebody just asked, when you're putting
28:59
Speaker 1: out a book. She actually actually has a book out
29:02
Speaker 1: right now called Crystal Crystal Bliss. I do, and I
29:05
Speaker 1: should be working on my next one right You are
29:08
Speaker 1: working working on her next one. And she's the host
29:10
Speaker 1: of a podcast, Dropping Champs with Debbie Brown. It's on
29:13
Speaker 1: the Black Effect. I Heart Radio podcast Networks, So you
29:16
Speaker 1: can subscribe to that hold that thought, we are coming
29:19
Speaker 1: right back, and I bought in another member of that right,
29:31
Speaker 1: another member my sole tribe, Dr Alfie, Dr Alfie bree
29:35
Speaker 1: Land Noble. She is a pioneering psychologist, scientist, and author,
29:40
Speaker 1: and she is the chief mental Wellness officer for my foundation,
29:44
Speaker 1: the Mental Wealth Alliance. Say how y'all doing? Can y'all
29:49
Speaker 1: hear me? Absolutely? Okay, it's such a joy to be here.
29:53
Speaker 1: I came in right when Debbie was speaking praise and
29:57
Speaker 1: beauty over her son, and I was just like, oh
30:00
Speaker 1: my God. Like so, I just was thinking about how
30:03
Speaker 1: much when you share those words, DEVI, how we're all
30:06
Speaker 1: reflections of each other, and when you reflect that to
30:09
Speaker 1: your son, it gets reflected back to you. Um, when
30:13
Speaker 1: you and share are having this beautiful conversation, you're just
30:17
Speaker 1: reflecting so much light to each other. And it almost
30:19
Speaker 1: makes me want to cry, because I think, giving your
30:21
Speaker 1: platforms and where you sit in the world, that both
30:24
Speaker 1: of you are as kind as you are, you don't
30:27
Speaker 1: have to be that right, and so that just to
30:30
Speaker 1: me speaks to this idea of what it means to
30:33
Speaker 1: be in the constant process of healing. So I don't
30:36
Speaker 1: want to interrupt the flow of the conversation, but that healing,
30:40
Speaker 1: I just receive it right, and you know, fu full disclosure.
30:42
Speaker 1: I do talk about being an anxious person. It runs
30:45
Speaker 1: in my family as well. I'm although the person who's
30:47
Speaker 1: the most anxious will never admit it because he's a
30:50
Speaker 1: veteran and like they don't do that. UM. But just
30:54
Speaker 1: knowing that there are people in the world who can
30:56
Speaker 1: sit in this space and be like the two of
30:59
Speaker 1: you and just for let that goodness in that light,
31:03
Speaker 1: it really is heartwarming and it's just it means so much.
31:06
Speaker 1: I know for so many people, So I speak for
31:07
Speaker 1: all the rest of us commoners out here. It's wonderful
31:10
Speaker 1: for you all this that you are who you are
31:12
Speaker 1: and you do what you do. We appreciate you well.
31:15
Speaker 1: I gotta I got a couple of questions where you
31:16
Speaker 1: doctor ALPHAITEUM sustainable Underscore. NOLES wants to know how do
31:20
Speaker 1: we address the psychological pandemic we've inherited through the pandemic
31:25
Speaker 1: in communities of color. One is we have to acknowledge
31:30
Speaker 1: that this is the space that we're in. So it's
31:32
Speaker 1: like it sounds basic, but I think sometimes what we
31:35
Speaker 1: do we get so used to moving and going. I'm
31:37
Speaker 1: listening to and reflecting on something I heard Debby say
31:40
Speaker 1: about how we live our lives, and I think what
31:42
Speaker 1: we don't do is we don't stop and recognize what
31:46
Speaker 1: we've been through. We don't stop and recognize what we're
31:49
Speaker 1: going through in the moment. And I think when we
31:51
Speaker 1: do that, when we keep trying to move, uh, we
31:54
Speaker 1: we rob ourselves of the opportunity to be present. And
31:59
Speaker 1: I feel like this this thing. I heard it from
32:01
Speaker 1: Oprah a long time ago. If you don't learn the
32:03
Speaker 1: lesson the first time that it comes, the lesson is
32:06
Speaker 1: gonna keep coming back. And the analogy that I remember
32:09
Speaker 1: was she said, I think she said, it starts like
32:11
Speaker 1: a pebble, right, but when it comes back, every time
32:14
Speaker 1: it comes back, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger
32:16
Speaker 1: and bigger, until at the end it's like a boulder
32:18
Speaker 1: if you don't get the lesson. And so one of
32:20
Speaker 1: the things that I've learned as a black woman and
32:22
Speaker 1: a woman of color during this pandemic is that you know,
32:25
Speaker 1: I have these mantras that I use and I say,
32:28
Speaker 1: in every moment, I am liberated to choose. I am
32:32
Speaker 1: liberated to choose my own healing. I am liberated to
32:36
Speaker 1: acknowledge all the things that I'm seeing around me with
32:39
Speaker 1: racial injustice. I am liberated to choose disparities and the
32:43
Speaker 1: recognition of the spirity that that's the real thing that
32:46
Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily do anything to contribute to. And if
32:49
Speaker 1: I can recognize that, and I can start unpacking it
32:52
Speaker 1: and working on my healing. But if I just keep going,
32:55
Speaker 1: I can't work on my healing. So my job, my
32:58
Speaker 1: responsibility to the ancestors seriously and to me into the future,
33:03
Speaker 1: always be cognizant of I have a duty to work
33:06
Speaker 1: on my healing. M No, I'm gonna tell you why,
33:12
Speaker 1: because when you're talking about the devoted thing, how you
33:15
Speaker 1: don't learn the lesson? Yeah, it keeps coming back? Is
33:18
Speaker 1: that the same thing is when you're you're keeping keep
33:20
Speaker 1: getting triggered by the same thing sort of. I think so,
33:24
Speaker 1: I think, and I can see Debbie wants to add
33:26
Speaker 1: to that too. I think the triggers. I think we
33:28
Speaker 1: have to be patient with ourselves because healing is not linear, right,
33:33
Speaker 1: So it's not like I heard Debbie say, you heal
33:36
Speaker 1: it and it's fixed. I think the triggers are there,
33:39
Speaker 1: like that's your your body's like I heard her say,
33:41
Speaker 1: the alarm system, that's true, that's your body's way of
33:45
Speaker 1: telling you. This is something that makes me feel unsafe,
33:47
Speaker 1: and I just feel like we have to respect that.
33:50
Speaker 1: So when it the lesson keeps coming back, I think
33:52
Speaker 1: what I'm really speaking to is this idea of we
33:55
Speaker 1: keep doing the same things, not paying attention to and
34:00
Speaker 1: being cognizant of what we want to do differently to
34:03
Speaker 1: get a different outcome. Right. So, for example, if one
34:06
Speaker 1: of the things I'm afraid of speaking up for myself, right,
34:09
Speaker 1: I can remember this from being a from them, will
34:11
Speaker 1: tell all the business about what it needs to be
34:13
Speaker 1: in academia, right and let people know because it ain't
34:16
Speaker 1: it ain't not nice. But if I started out in
34:19
Speaker 1: academia and I didn't speak my mind when I know
34:22
Speaker 1: I needed to, then what's gonna keep happening is these
34:25
Speaker 1: opportunities that are gonna keep showing up for me to
34:27
Speaker 1: speak my mind because the universe to that these point
34:30
Speaker 1: is waiting for me to open my mouth and use
34:34
Speaker 1: my words. Right, It want it wants me to heal
34:36
Speaker 1: in that way. So I for me, the triggers are
34:39
Speaker 1: really I see them as opportunities. They don't feel like
34:41
Speaker 1: it in the moment, but I really do see them
34:44
Speaker 1: as opportunities. It's just your reminder this thing is not healed,
34:48
Speaker 1: So this is your opportunity to try something different. What
34:51
Speaker 1: tools do you have has your therapist giving you. Let's
34:54
Speaker 1: try one of those new tools. Last time, I use
34:56
Speaker 1: the hammer. This time, let's use the screwdriver. So that's
34:59
Speaker 1: how I tend to tend to look at those triggers.
35:02
Speaker 1: I would love to add shar like one thousand percent
35:05
Speaker 1: in alignment and agreeance with that. You know, it's it's
35:08
Speaker 1: it's really in the reframe, right, So like what dr
35:12
Speaker 1: Ator was speaking to with really those patterns repeating, it's
35:16
Speaker 1: I like to call that catching God's fade because I
35:18
Speaker 1: feel like God used to coumb to me and whispers
35:21
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, yeah, maybe alright God, Like I'm
35:24
Speaker 1: gonna keep doing my thing, and the next thing, I know,
35:26
Speaker 1: like I'm getting this like divine punch in the face
35:28
Speaker 1: and like I'm being forced to transform. Um. So I
35:32
Speaker 1: learned that I would no longer like to catch God's spades.
35:35
Speaker 1: So I have fine tuned my ear um to listen
35:38
Speaker 1: to the tiny whispers, right, and sometimes those whispers come
35:41
Speaker 1: to us with just a thought that crosses our mind,
35:43
Speaker 1: or we're at a stoplight and something is revealed. It's
35:46
Speaker 1: when we don't act on it. And so anytime we're
35:48
Speaker 1: not acting on what we know to be for our
35:51
Speaker 1: highest good or to be the deepest way that we
35:54
Speaker 1: can heal, um, we're we're betraying ourselves. So now we're
35:59
Speaker 1: creating all these extra moments of self betrayal that then
36:03
Speaker 1: begin to affect the way that we feel about ourselves
36:05
Speaker 1: because we're perceiving ourselves as always letting ourselves down. Now,
36:09
Speaker 1: triggers are I believe to be a powerful alarm system.
36:12
Speaker 1: But triggers are different because there it's not that the
36:16
Speaker 1: lesson is repeating, but your coping mechanism is repeating. And
36:20
Speaker 1: so like the trigger is that internal experience where you
36:24
Speaker 1: it's just letting you know what's going on. We don't
36:27
Speaker 1: get to see that part of it, and it can
36:29
Speaker 1: be so you know, the triggers are triggers can be playful.
36:33
Speaker 1: It's about how we're experiencing them, and it's again taking
36:36
Speaker 1: away you judging yourself, speaking out to what is real
36:40
Speaker 1: in the world. Right, is this me and how I
36:42
Speaker 1: feel about me? Or is this structural racism? Is this
36:47
Speaker 1: all the ancestral trauma that everyone has carried for hundreds
36:51
Speaker 1: and hundreds of years for a lot of women, Is
36:54
Speaker 1: this the patriarchal trauma that we've been carrying since antiquity? Right?
36:59
Speaker 1: And so when we ask questions that are more rooted
37:01
Speaker 1: in rational thoughts, sometimes that can help um. And when
37:05
Speaker 1: we're in the midst of being triggered by something, being
37:09
Speaker 1: able to just be with it. You don't have to
37:12
Speaker 1: do anything with it. Sometimes you can just observe it,
37:15
Speaker 1: you know. I like to be a little more. I
37:17
Speaker 1: like to I like to seduce my pain. So I
37:20
Speaker 1: like to be very flirty with my triggers and my
37:22
Speaker 1: pain and be like, oh, oh she upset today, what's
37:26
Speaker 1: going on? Baby? Like? I get playful with it because
37:29
Speaker 1: the triggers are going to come. But how we experience
37:32
Speaker 1: them is how we choose to experience them. So even
37:36
Speaker 1: reframing oh, something's coming up, Okay, I need to spend
37:39
Speaker 1: time with this later, I need to heal, I need
37:41
Speaker 1: to focus on this later, you know, and just really
37:44
Speaker 1: tapping in something something else would like to come out.
37:47
Speaker 1: Let me give it freedom, yeah, or coping with it
37:51
Speaker 1: in the moment, maybe I need to stop right so
37:55
Speaker 1: I agree. Sometimes it's i'llgree with them, but sometimes it's
37:58
Speaker 1: I need that let me stop right now, right, depending
38:00
Speaker 1: on I think the sides of it is. I think
38:02
Speaker 1: it is there like a speed bud, like slow down
38:04
Speaker 1: all you roll, like deal with this now. Sometimes it's
38:07
Speaker 1: not always, but I do think sometimes absolutely, And I
38:10
Speaker 1: think that's the emotional regulation of really trusting that you
38:13
Speaker 1: know what you can give yourself. So in some situations
38:17
Speaker 1: it's like, you know what, in this exact moment, I'm
38:19
Speaker 1: gonna choose something else, Or if maybe you're in the
38:22
Speaker 1: midst of like work or with your child and like
38:25
Speaker 1: I can't fall apart in tears right now, but I'm
38:27
Speaker 1: gonna promise myself that tonight, I'm gonna give myself a
38:31
Speaker 1: little ceremony. I'm gonna let myself cry for as long
38:34
Speaker 1: as my body needs to, and I'm gonna get a
38:37
Speaker 1: nice meal. You know I've done that where I'm like, well,
38:39
Speaker 1: I need to cry. So I drew myself a nice bath,
38:42
Speaker 1: I ordered my favorite take out, and I was like,
38:44
Speaker 1: you're gonna cry tonight, girl, Come on now, I got
38:49
Speaker 1: a couple more questions before we get out of here,
38:51
Speaker 1: because you know, I don't want to take up everybody,
38:52
Speaker 1: take up too much of everybody's time. But you know,
38:55
Speaker 1: recently I've had people come to me and they said,
38:58
Speaker 1: we talked so much about what it is we need
39:01
Speaker 1: to do as far as our mental health, but what
39:03
Speaker 1: about family members who are dealing with people who have
39:07
Speaker 1: like severe mental health issues? Are are even I don't
39:12
Speaker 1: want to say there's no some thing as a minor
39:13
Speaker 1: mental health issue, but things less severe than schizophrenia, bipolar,
39:18
Speaker 1: things like that. What do what do? What do the
39:20
Speaker 1: family members need to do? That's a so I talked
39:24
Speaker 1: about that. I had this whole series I did on
39:26
Speaker 1: I G t V because what I found when I
39:29
Speaker 1: was practicing close to the full time is that I
39:33
Speaker 1: think as family members, we get caught up in this idea.
39:37
Speaker 1: I know it's not everybody. We get caught up in
39:39
Speaker 1: this idea. We have to save people, and we have
39:42
Speaker 1: to save the people in our lives. And one of
39:44
Speaker 1: the one of the first things I always tell family members,
39:47
Speaker 1: especially when we will all be sitting together, is the
39:49
Speaker 1: first thing we're gonna do is gonna take that savior
39:52
Speaker 1: complex and take it out of the room. Right. So,
39:54
Speaker 1: for people who are spiritual, who are most of my patients,
39:57
Speaker 1: because there are people of color, generally, I say, you
40:00
Speaker 1: are not God, nor do you want that responsibility. And
40:03
Speaker 1: so it is not up to you to fix that
40:06
Speaker 1: loved one in your life. It is up to you
40:08
Speaker 1: to love that loved one in your life. And let's
40:11
Speaker 1: start talking about what can you do to care for
40:14
Speaker 1: them in this moment. The first thing you can do
40:15
Speaker 1: is care for yourself. And so I know sometimes people
40:18
Speaker 1: feel like that sounds reductive. I said, but you can't
40:21
Speaker 1: take care of anybody else if you're not taking care
40:24
Speaker 1: of so you know, you hear people say you can't
40:25
Speaker 1: pour from an empty cup right when you fly, you
40:28
Speaker 1: know when people used to fly. Some of y'all still do.
40:31
Speaker 1: Fly whose mask goes on first yours? Because if your
40:35
Speaker 1: mask is not on, you can't breathe. If you can't breathe,
40:37
Speaker 1: you can't function, and you can't help the people you love.
40:39
Speaker 1: So I always tell people to come back to this
40:41
Speaker 1: place of it's not your job to fix other people.
40:44
Speaker 1: It's not your job to save other people, and you
40:46
Speaker 1: have to start with taking care of you then once
40:48
Speaker 1: you do that, this is me I think you have
40:51
Speaker 1: to make an assessment of what is it that that
40:53
Speaker 1: person is seeking from you, that loved one who's experiencing right,
40:58
Speaker 1: Maybe they have significant anxiety, maybe they have debilitating anxiety.
41:02
Speaker 1: Maybe they do have a psychotic disorder and they're experiencing
41:06
Speaker 1: schizophrenia or or something similar. Maybe they do have severe depression. Again,
41:11
Speaker 1: it is do we take the time to ask people
41:14
Speaker 1: what they need from us instead of making assumptions about
41:17
Speaker 1: what people needed from us. So I can remember this
41:18
Speaker 1: one time, a long time ago, my spouse and I
41:22
Speaker 1: were having a conversation and you know, he was upset.
41:25
Speaker 1: Now he wasn't depressed in that moment, but he was upset,
41:28
Speaker 1: and so I was like, well, let's go do this.
41:29
Speaker 1: Let's go do this, let's go and find He was like, Alfie,
41:32
Speaker 1: I don't want any of that. And you know I
41:35
Speaker 1: was in my familys I was like, wait, which menu
41:36
Speaker 1: I want none to day. You're supposed to want this
41:38
Speaker 1: because I'm trying to help out. But what the reality
41:41
Speaker 1: was that was me, That was my need to do
41:44
Speaker 1: something for him. It wasn't for him, it was for me.
41:48
Speaker 1: And so I think coming back to that place of
41:50
Speaker 1: recognizing I want to love this person for who they
41:54
Speaker 1: are in this moment, and I need to start by
41:56
Speaker 1: asking them what they need. And if they are in
41:59
Speaker 1: a place where they tell me what they need, then
42:01
Speaker 1: we have a place where we can start. But we
42:03
Speaker 1: can't start from I need to fix that. I need
42:05
Speaker 1: to do this that in the third because I don't
42:07
Speaker 1: know what they need. So I think some of it
42:08
Speaker 1: is just coming back place of you're not here to
42:11
Speaker 1: fix everybody. Stop trying to fix people. You've got to
42:14
Speaker 1: deal with you first, and then ask them for what
42:16
Speaker 1: they need. I don't know, Dabbie, if you have anything
42:18
Speaker 1: you wanted to add, you know, I think what I'd
42:21
Speaker 1: like to add to this might just speak to a
42:25
Speaker 1: portion of the population watching this, but it might be beneficial,
42:29
Speaker 1: you know. I think when we think about this savior
42:33
Speaker 1: complex that we take on, I think for some people,
42:36
Speaker 1: and this was my personal story, I realized that anything
42:41
Speaker 1: can be used as a tool of self avoidance, including
42:45
Speaker 1: doing things for other people. And so that was revolutionary
42:49
Speaker 1: for me because so much of my identity was always
42:52
Speaker 1: steeped in how strong I was, how much I was
42:54
Speaker 1: showing up for other people, being the fixer in people's lives,
42:57
Speaker 1: who people came to for advice. Oh, do this, do this,
43:00
Speaker 1: you know, but when you do that on an ego level,
43:02
Speaker 1: it feels really good, even especially when it's for family members.
43:06
Speaker 1: But there is that's also a trauma response. And that's
43:09
Speaker 1: also you know, that savior complex, that that path of righteousness,
43:15
Speaker 1: um that doing doing doing also even some you know,
43:18
Speaker 1: different systems. They can be used as powerful tools of
43:22
Speaker 1: avoidance and you can spend your entire life doing them
43:24
Speaker 1: and feeling really great about yourself or looking great to
43:28
Speaker 1: other people. But you didn't get any of the work
43:30
Speaker 1: accomplished here that you were supposed to do for you.
43:34
Speaker 1: And so it's like that, if you are not connected
43:38
Speaker 1: to your wholeness, what you do for other people is
43:41
Speaker 1: a performance. So who do we want to be? Right? Who?
43:45
Speaker 1: Who do we want to be? I want to be
43:47
Speaker 1: healed and whole. When I'm whole and healed or in
43:50
Speaker 1: pursuit of hot pursuit of self, then me being myself
43:54
Speaker 1: effortlessly extends that permission, that grace, that instructional ability to
44:00
Speaker 1: anybody that gazes upon me. Right. Wow, this is my
44:05
Speaker 1: final question for both of y'all, because you know, you know,
44:08
Speaker 1: y'all are just two people that I enjoy talking to
44:12
Speaker 1: so much. But what why is it important to have
44:15
Speaker 1: somebody to talk to? Because this is one to one,
44:18
Speaker 1: So what why is it important to have somebody to
44:21
Speaker 1: talk to? I think there are lots of reasons. One
44:25
Speaker 1: of the reasons is, I mean, it's kind of on
44:28
Speaker 1: a basic level, we don't know everything right, and so
44:31
Speaker 1: we want to be in a place where we are
44:34
Speaker 1: able to, going back to the very beginning, reflect another
44:39
Speaker 1: person's light. We want to be able to reflect, like
44:43
Speaker 1: to say, for instance, Debbie working towards wholeness. I want
44:46
Speaker 1: to be in the presence of people who are working
44:48
Speaker 1: towards that wholeness because that gives me something to aspire to, right,
44:52
Speaker 1: It makes me feel a sense of community. I'm always
44:54
Speaker 1: talking about bipocket, marginalized communities, black folks and people of color,
44:59
Speaker 1: queen here, LGBT, LGBT folks, people with disabilities. I feel
45:04
Speaker 1: like all of us so often go through the world
45:06
Speaker 1: feeling so isolated um in our workplaces, sometimes in our homes,
45:11
Speaker 1: in our neighborhoods, and you know, having that other person too,
45:16
Speaker 1: I don't know, like ride or die to go along
45:18
Speaker 1: with you. I think about my girlfriends with the PRR crew.
45:21
Speaker 1: Some of them are here, they know who they are,
45:22
Speaker 1: like they reflect different aspects of who I am, and so,
45:26
Speaker 1: you know, I think for me, it's really about finding
45:30
Speaker 1: a sense of community, finding peace in seeing other people
45:34
Speaker 1: who look like me, who reflect me, when there's so
45:37
Speaker 1: much in the world that tells me who I am.
45:38
Speaker 1: Being a chocolate girl right with natural hair and having
45:42
Speaker 1: the brain that I have having come through some of
45:44
Speaker 1: the experiences that I've come through, there's so many ways
45:47
Speaker 1: in which at those parts of me are always told
45:49
Speaker 1: you're not enough, sit down, get back with your turn.
45:53
Speaker 1: And I think having other people to talk to helps
45:56
Speaker 1: me undo a lot of that. Right, They helped me
45:58
Speaker 1: unlearn some of those negative of lessons. I see. One
46:00
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends just shouted out, I go there, Cindy um.
46:03
Speaker 1: And so for me, it's really about helping us know
46:06
Speaker 1: that we're never on this journey alone. And I do
46:08
Speaker 1: say I think, you know, for those folks who are spiritual,
46:11
Speaker 1: God gives you those friends to like just help to
46:15
Speaker 1: help you on your journey. You're not meant to be
46:17
Speaker 1: on this journey by yourself. Right If I hadn't met you,
46:19
Speaker 1: shar if I hadn't met Debbie, Like there's a there
46:23
Speaker 1: are parts of my life that wouldn't be reflected as
46:25
Speaker 1: brightly and as positive as they are now that I've
46:28
Speaker 1: met you, and then you've given me an opportunity to
46:30
Speaker 1: be on here with you today. So for me, it's
46:31
Speaker 1: just about not going through life alone. Nobody should go
46:34
Speaker 1: through life alone. Yeah, so deeply in agreeance with that.
46:39
Speaker 1: Before I answer that, Um, just because I know we're
46:42
Speaker 1: at the end, I want to say this out loud.
46:44
Speaker 1: Dr Often you are a queen and I love you.
46:47
Speaker 1: I stand your work, and I love just being in
46:50
Speaker 1: this moment with you. Thank you devy Um. You know,
46:54
Speaker 1: I think human connection that's what we came here for, right,
46:58
Speaker 1: That's what this Earth experience is about. And I think
47:00
Speaker 1: we are meant to be powerful mirrors from one another. Um.
47:04
Speaker 1: I think it is important that we each recognize that
47:06
Speaker 1: we are the start of our own lives and we
47:09
Speaker 1: should have top billing in our life. But I think
47:12
Speaker 1: we came here to aid each other in a multitude
47:15
Speaker 1: of ways, which even means in the challenging relationships that
47:19
Speaker 1: we have, there is purpose to that. There's something that
47:22
Speaker 1: needs to be known to us, even in that challenging relationship,
47:25
Speaker 1: and we have to deepen in our curiosity to find it,
47:29
Speaker 1: you know. And I think when it comes to some
47:30
Speaker 1: of our best friends that were blessed with which and
47:34
Speaker 1: it might make me cry, but like Charlotte, I love
47:36
Speaker 1: you so much, like you're one of my more best
47:39
Speaker 1: friends in life, and it's an honor. It's just an
47:43
Speaker 1: honor to have our friendship. I'm so grateful for the
47:46
Speaker 1: relationship we have. You know, when it comes to people
47:49
Speaker 1: like us, I couldn't even imagine living without you, you know,
47:52
Speaker 1: like we don't have those people that can really see
47:56
Speaker 1: us with clear eyes. Um. Sometimes this human experience is
48:00
Speaker 1: so hard, and we get we get a really distorted
48:04
Speaker 1: view of who we are if we aren't careful right, Like,
48:07
Speaker 1: life can really come in and program us in a
48:10
Speaker 1: way that doesn't serve us. But when we are blessed
48:13
Speaker 1: with some of these substantial, deep, beautiful relationships, we can
48:17
Speaker 1: always return home, you know, we can always see ourselves,
48:21
Speaker 1: um in the way that the people love us most
48:23
Speaker 1: see us. And also they can offer such great insight
48:26
Speaker 1: that we may not have grasp of. So I think
48:28
Speaker 1: we we need the solo experience and to be on
48:31
Speaker 1: our journey, but we also deeply need the shared human experience.
48:36
Speaker 1: You know. That's how that those paradigm shifts happen, because
48:40
Speaker 1: of conversations like this that then go on to change
48:43
Speaker 1: the world, you know, and raise collective consciousness. So all
48:47
Speaker 1: parts are necessary, all parts of purpose. Debi Brown, Dr Alp,
48:53
Speaker 1: I love you, both value, both appreciate you. Both tell
48:57
Speaker 1: them where to find y'all go ahead heavy. Um, I
49:01
Speaker 1: might be Pinfelow, I don't know, but at Debbie Brown,
49:04
Speaker 1: just my name d v I Brown. Um, the Lincoln
49:07
Speaker 1: Bio will take you everywhere. I have a podcast, like
49:09
Speaker 1: a website, have a bunch of different stuff, um that
49:11
Speaker 1: I feel really grateful to do. So Lincoln Bio at
49:14
Speaker 1: Debbie Brown dot com or at Dee Brown Instagram. So
49:18
Speaker 1: it's uh www dot dr Alfie dot com. It looks
49:22
Speaker 1: like Drawfie my son's kids. That's what they call me.
49:24
Speaker 1: They call me Droffy, Liam and Luke and all y'all kids.
49:28
Speaker 1: Um uh and um dr Alfie Drowfee Uh is my
49:33
Speaker 1: handles everywhere on Twitter, on Instagram, so on and so forth.
49:37
Speaker 1: And then I also want to shout out because I
49:38
Speaker 1: know Sho's not gonna do it. The Mental Wealth Alliance
49:41
Speaker 1: all one word, Um, you gotta go there and check
49:44
Speaker 1: that out, and then me A Common Project is a
49:47
Speaker 1: young youth and young adult nonprofit. I'm sorry. And then
49:49
Speaker 1: I have to say to both of you, I just
49:52
Speaker 1: wish you so much love and light and I'm sending
49:54
Speaker 1: you so much love and I do love both of you.
49:57
Speaker 1: You all are just and double people. And I'm just
50:00
Speaker 1: so grateful to Kenneth Cole and the Mental Health Coalition.
50:03
Speaker 1: You all do. You have no idea what you've done
50:05
Speaker 1: for me just in this forty five minutes, honestly all
50:08
Speaker 1: our blessing. So thank you so much. Luting my guy
50:11
Speaker 1: ken of lout to the Mental Health Coalition, saluting the
50:14
Speaker 1: coal I think Queen the Coach shouting on here too.
50:17
Speaker 1: So hello Nicole, and thank you all very much. And
50:21
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, and I hope that everybody you know
50:24
Speaker 1: learn something from this live. I hope this live for
50:27
Speaker 1: something into you today. All right, Thank you both, queens.
50:31
Speaker 1: Thank you, love you, love you, thank you. All right.
50:40
Speaker 1: That was my conversation, the one to one with Charlemagne
50:43
Speaker 1: the God. I also have the video of that up
50:45
Speaker 1: on my Instagram page at Debbie Brown if you want
50:48
Speaker 1: to check it out. That was such a wonderful conversation. Um,
50:51
Speaker 1: I'm recording the podcast right now and I'm doing a
50:53
Speaker 1: little construction in my backyard, so you guys might hear
50:56
Speaker 1: a little extra noise for a moment. Apologies, doing the
50:59
Speaker 1: best stack can can't help that extra little background um
51:05
Speaker 1: sounds that you might hear. But yeah, So that was
51:08
Speaker 1: our one to one conversation on the Mental Health Coalition
51:11
Speaker 1: Instagram Live that we did, powered by Kenneth Cole. And
51:14
Speaker 1: huge shout out to my brother, to my sole family,
51:17
Speaker 1: to my tribe, my lifelong friend Charlemagne. I love you,
51:20
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you. And huge shout out
51:23
Speaker 1: to the incredible Dr Alphie for all the powerful work
51:26
Speaker 1: that she does in the world and all the beautiful
51:29
Speaker 1: wisdom and insight that she shared. So you guys, thank
51:33
Speaker 1: you for joining the show. Um, if you get a chance,
51:36
Speaker 1: please go ahead and subscribe, share this with a friend,
51:40
Speaker 1: anyone that you think could glean some information from, and
51:44
Speaker 1: don't ever think it just pop it up in your
51:47
Speaker 1: podcast and texted to a couple of people. Um, and
51:50
Speaker 1: if you have the bandwidth. I would definitely be grateful
51:53
Speaker 1: if you took a moment usually takes about less than
51:55
Speaker 1: sixty seconds uh two within iTunes, Go ahead and leave
51:59
Speaker 1: a rainy and write a review. Super appreciative. Love you,
52:03
Speaker 1: Catch you next week. God bless hey. Find me on
52:08
Speaker 1: social let's connect at deVie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram,
52:12
Speaker 1: or go to my website Debbie Brown dot com. And
52:16
Speaker 1: if you're listening to the show on Apple podcasts, please
52:19
Speaker 1: please please don't forget to rate, review and subscribe and
52:25
Speaker 1: send this episode to a friend. Dropping Jams is the
52:28
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio and Black Effect Network. It's
52:32
Speaker 1: produced by Triple and Me Debbie Brown. For more podcasts
52:36
Speaker 1: from My heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,
52:39
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.