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An Open Letter to Artists Struggling with Jealousy · The Daily Writer

• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everybody to the Born to Create Podcast.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kent Sanders, and I'm your host.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an author, musician, and teacher, but most importantly, I'm a husband and a dad.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Here on the show we talk about practices, habits, and strategies that help us live out our creative calling.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 16, and today I'm going to share an open letter to artists struggling with jealousy.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can find the post that accompanies this episode, as well as all the links, at KentSanders.net slash jealousy.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: What is your biggest problem or frustration as an artist?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's the question I recently asked on Facebook.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the responses dealt with common issues like finding time to create art, not feeling motivated, and how to stand out from the crowd.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, one person was brave enough to say what everybody else was thinking.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: They said, I spend too much time comparing my work to others.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you're alive and breathing, you have struggled with jealousy.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's part of the human condition.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: But for most artists, jealousy is more than an occasional struggle.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a daily battle that threatens our very souls.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's nearly impossible for us to separate ourselves from our creative work.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's simply part of who we are.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: When we see other people who are more successful than us or who have something we want, it's hard not to feel jealous.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: The question foremost in our minds is why do they have blank and I don't?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And you can fill in the blank with success, fame, money, a book contract, or a million other things.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: But really, this is the wrong question, and here's why.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's based on our destructive lie about success.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: The lie goes something like this When someone else succeeds, it means I have failed.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: When we see other people enjoying their fame, money accolades, or other types of success, we interpret it as a reflection on ourselves.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: We think, why do they get to enjoy success?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Am I not worthy of the same success?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why do they get to have something that I don't have?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And this kind of thinking is called a zero sum game.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: When one person wins, another person loses.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: A positive balance in someone else's ledger means a negative balance in ours.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: But this kind of thinking is completely a myth.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: We know that it isn't true on an intellectual level, but our creative egos are really fragile.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the result is that we emotionally interpret other people's success as a judgment against our own lack of success.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I spent the better part of a decade, mostly my 30s, feeling like I was stuck in a room with invisible walls that wouldn't go away.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I would ask questions to myself like, why does so and so get all the attention?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why do they have more book sales?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why is my blog traffic so stagnant?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Why isn't anybody paying attention to me?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sound familiar?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Over time I realized that there's no connection between somebody else's success and my success.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: The invisible walls weren't real.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: They only existed in my mind, and there was nothing and no one that was standing in the way of my success.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was stuck in a poverty mentality.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: The type of thinking that goes there's only so much to go around, you have to hoard everything for yourself because somebody else might take it.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now the opposite of a poverty mentality is an abundance mentality.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: This line of thinking goes, there's more than enough to go around, success breeds success, and we can help each other.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you move from a poverty mentality to an abundance mentality?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: How do you stop playing the zero-sum game?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: How do you vanquish the spirit of jealousy and cultivate a spirit of generosity?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the secret is to shift your vocabulary and begin asking the right questions.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: In his classic business book, QBQ, The Question Behind the Question, Practicing Personal Accountability at Work and in Life, John G.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Miller says that we need to change our questions in order to move away from a blame and victim mentality.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of focusing on why questions, focus on what or how questions.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: So the question that spurs our jealousy is why do they have blank and I don't?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: But the problem with why questions is that they shift the responsibility away from ourselves and back onto others.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: The only way to create the success you desire is to take 100% responsibility for your life.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Why questions keep us focused on external things we can't control, such as other people's actions and their motivations.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's much better to ask questions focused on what, what you can do, what you can control, and what you can learn.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: After all, the only thing that you can truly control is yourself and your attitude.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's dive into three questions that'll help you focus on attitudes and actions that will spur your creative success.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Notice that each one of these questions doesn't begin with why, but rather it begins with what.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, what can I learn from this person?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I bet you can think of somebody who has something that you want.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: They might have better name recognition, more income, more people's attention, or more of something else that you desire.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I can think of a lot of people in my own orbit who fit into this category.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: When we're jealous of somebody, we begin to think of them in kind of a negative light.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: At our worst, we wish they weren't so successful.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's why jealousy is so insidious and destructive.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: At its worst, jealousy is less about wanting someone else's success and more about wanting their failure.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: We've got to flip this scenario around.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of wanting to take away someone else's success, we should figure out how we can get to their level.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: What people, books, habits, and experiences have helped them be successful.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: If they have a blog, subscribe to it.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: If they wrote a book, read the book.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: If they have a Facebook group, join it.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: If they're on Twitter, follow them and ask them some questions.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I do this frequently.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: The amazing thing about Twitter is that you can send almost anyone in the world a direct message, and most of the time they quickly reply back.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's really a fantastic medium for communication.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we've got to stay humble, we've got to put ourselves in a learning posture, and we've got to start making discoveries that help us on our own journey instead of wishing somebody else did not have their success.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, what do I have to offer that is unique?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: As creative people, we see another person's success, and we believe we should have it as well.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: But when you stop and think about it, that logic doesn't really add up.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: The reason is that creativity is like a thumbprint.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody has creative gifts, and everyone has something unique to offer to the world.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that creativity is the thumbprint of the soul.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: You may not believe you're unique, but you are.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: God created you as a one-of-a-kind combination of personality, experiences, gifts, and passions that hasn't existed before and will never exist again.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if you don't believe your unique creation and you don't steward your creative gifts as the limitless potential it truly is, that's an insult to God.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So where do we get tripped up in this process?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it happens when we see others creating art that's similar to ours.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: It might be writing, music, painting, speaking, graphic design, or something else.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's really easy to think that guy over there is writing about the same topics I write about, and he's more successful, so that somehow invalidates my writing.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is good news because it proves that there's an audience for your art.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: When we see other people who are successful in our field or who are writing about the same things we're writing about, it just proves that other people are interested in that topic.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: You should never worry about creative competition.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Two people can take the same topic or even the same set of song lyrics and write completely different tunes.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: How many songs about lost love have you heard over the years?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Probably thousands.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: They all focus on the same subject and they use the same twelve notes on the musical scale.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: The vast majority of these songs are in four four time and they use a variation of their rhythm section, bass, drums, guitars, and keys.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Some throw in horns or strings or another instrument here or there.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yet we never complain about the similarities between these songs.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's an infinite number of variations on the same theme using the same basic creative tools, which are instruments.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about another person's strengths or success.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're traveling on their own creative journey.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Don't spend your life trying to sing someone else's tune.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to copy another person's success makes about as much sense as wishing you had their thumbprint.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, focus on your own unique journey and how you can bring more of your art into the world.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, what can I do to help someone?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Jealousy causes us to be inwardly focused.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: The more we fixate on what other people have, the more angry, resentful, and bitter we become.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's no way you can make good art when you're angry, resentful, and bitter.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Those emotions are like a desert that's dry and lifeless.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: They'll suck the life right out of you.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Creativity is like water, and you can't draw water from an empty well.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you replenish your well?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Stop focusing on what you don't have and start focusing on how you can help others.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Jealousy is rooted in taking, but generosity is rooted in giving.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's natural to think of ourselves first.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: We all do that.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: We think about what we need, what we want, what we lack.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: But just as others have things that we want, we also have things that other people want.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: No matter where you are in the creative journey, there are always people who are coming up behind us.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Helping others and working on your own success are not opposites.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: They are two sides of the same coin.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: As Bob Berg and John David Mann say in their landmark book, The Go Giver, your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: As it turns out, the best way to help yourself is to actually be more generous with others.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this in a million different ways.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: The point is to find another person who you can help in some way.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't need to involve some kind of big plan or even cost you anything.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just keep your eyes and ears open, and you'll be really surprised at the simple ways you can help other people.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: The only way to defeat jealousy is by taking action.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: You won't do it by thinking or analyzing.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: You have to actually do something.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ask, why do they have blank and I don't.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, focus on the three questions I've highlighted above.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: The Apostle Paul once wrote in Philippians chapter two, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Those are wise words for every artist.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you deal with jealousy as an artist and as a creative person?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can join the conversation and find the post and the links that accompany this episode at KentSanders.net slash jealousy.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: When you visit my site, you'll find all kinds of great resources to inspire your creativity.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also love to share a gift with you when you subscribe to my newsletter.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can check it out and learn more about my books, writing, and services at KentSanders.net.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to connect and you can send me a tweet at Kent Sanders, and you can find me on Facebook and Instagram as Kent Sanders.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you'll also check out our Born to Create Facebook group by visiting KentSanders.net slash Facebook group.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember that you were born to create and designed to make a difference.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: What will you do with the time you have left?