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19: The Midlife Identity Shifts No One Prepares You For · Rewild by Design

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to ReWild by Design, a podcast for women in midlife who are ready to burn the rule book, drop the good girl mask, and come home to who they really are.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Marissa, a human design and gene keys mentor, and your guide in this wild woman era.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready for bold conversations, raw truths, and the kind of insights that'll shake you awake.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because midlife isn't the end of your story, it's the point where you finally get to write it your way.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And as per usual, it's been a hot minute, but I wanted to talk about something that has been coming up a lot in conversations and things that I've been noticing.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it goes something like, I don't feel like myself anymore.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that's hormones, it's just what's happening, but a lot of times it's not like someone's whole life is falling apart.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's in everything still looks fine from the outside.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, maybe you're doing what you need to do.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're at the job, you're running the business, you're running the household, and things are moving.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath there's this like current of something just doesn't feel the same.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we can't name it yet.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: But it it's like a pair of pants that doesn't quite fit anymore.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like they might still look nice, right?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And they're in good shape, but they just they don't fit right.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Something about it is different.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no clear reason here either.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times, us women, we have the tendency to try to fix it, like figure out problem solve, get to the bottom of it and fix it.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or we just ignore it, right?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And but what's really happening is these identity shifts.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll get into what that kind of looks like in this episode.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times we're not really taught what this part of life is supposed to look like.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're taught how to build a life, how to be a good person, how to fit the mold, how to be responsible, show up for everybody else and just keep everything running.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of us get really good at that.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And but if you zoom out a little bit, you can start to see where we all move through these divine feminine archetypal patterns.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I want to talk about these patterns that actually they're all within all of us.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: No matter what phase of life you're in, they just show up a little bit louder at different times.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And we talk about the maiden.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is the exploration phase.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is figuring yourself out, trying different things on, exploring life.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times you're in this maiden phase, you're looking outside of yourself for approval.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: The part of you that wants to be chosen, wants to be liked, accepted, and told that you're doing things right.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then we've got the mother.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't just about childbearing.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is the mother phase.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is the part of you that nurtures and holds and manages, provides, and keeps everything together, like the glue that holds it all together.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this responsibility and this part that knows instinctively what needs to be done before anybody really asks for it.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Then we've got the queen, queen energy, and the part of you that is learning to lead in your own life.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: She's wise and discerning.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think of the queen cards in the tarot deck.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where she's much less interested in, you know, people pleasing and being agreeable to keep the peace.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And this part of you shows up and kind of like notices the patterns.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Then we have the crone.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And this is like what we usually hear, maiden mother crone.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I like to talk about like that queen energy, and then we'll get into the next one too.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the crone, this is the woman who is wise.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: She's mature, she's no longer, you know, tolerating the bullshit.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: She's discerning too.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's someone where it's this phase where you recognize the patterns faster than you did before.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Then we have the wild woman phase.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the phase that I really focus on in my work.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is the part of you that's never been fully domesticated.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: They've tried, and you've tried to domesticate yourself as well, but you're instinctive.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's honest.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: She's the part of you that knows when something isn't right before your mind can explain why.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of women don't realize that we don't just like this isn't linear.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: We don't leave one part behind.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're all part of you.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just some step into the forefront.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And now we can see where this maiden part of you, like I said, wants to be liked and wants to get it right.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the mother knows how to carry and nurture.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Carry things, keep things running.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: The queen energy wants those higher standards and cleaner boundaries.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then the crone, again, is this wisdom energy.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the wild woman, underneath it all, is saying, fuck it, this isn't for me.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's, and this wild woman isn't like this, what we we've been conditioned to think about, like this crazy woman riding naked on a horse, you know, cutting men's heads off.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, this is the wild woman who has said, this is enough.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And through these phases, like I said, this is not linear.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to wake up one morning and just say, you know, I am moving into this next phase of life.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's these are all active, playing in the background.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point, you know, you just know that you don't want the same thing anymore.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And there's tension in that, in that liminal space, in that void.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And these are some of the things that we're working together inside the Nine Centers Mystery School.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're untangling these patterns, we're noticing these, we're understanding ourselves on a deeper level and learning how to not repeat the same things over and over.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do life differently alongside with your human design.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a lot of women find themselves in this liminal space when they reach midlife, whether it's perimenopause, whether it's something else, you know, the astrology, right?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Our life cycles have, you know, our first Saturn return is around 29.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then we have like two more life cycles, big life cycles, in our midlife phase.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: We've got our Uranus opposition around 40, and then our Chiron return around 50.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: So give or take, don't come for me.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: But in these midlife phases, you're not who you used to be.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not a bad thing.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of times we're so conditioned to think that midlife is this time where you just shrivel up and die.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: No, this is a time where you notice the things that you never even questioned before.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the plans that maybe you said yes to without hesitation now make you say, that doesn't really feel right.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Conversations don't feel the same.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And again, this isn't a bad thing.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're just noticing.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Your tolerance, like I said, for the bullshit stops.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this isn't a reactive space.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you can just you have this clearer vision.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe at first it's a little bit murky, but you know, you are saying no more often.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't want to take on these same responsibilities.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of that can mess with your head, right?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because you've built this life and it's successful by all, you know, conditioned standards by society.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you kind of feel in this like murky, stuck in-between, like bog space.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you've got one foot in the past and one foot in this like present vision, and maybe you don't know how to navigate that space.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this is this wild woman phase where if you allow her to lead you, this is where things get more aligned for you.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you can notice when something feels off and not ignore it anymore.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this woman has been there with you this whole time.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not convincing yourself that these things in your life, these conversations, these relationships, maybe this career, because it was stable, it was responsible.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: The wild woman says, No, girl, we're not doing that anymore.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do you actually want right now?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you need to sit down for a minute and give yourself space.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think so often we don't give ourselves that space to say, what do I want?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the time to stop second-guessing yourself and stop thinking that you have to outsource all your decisions.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where human design comes in.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it can help be a supportive tool in this phase of life of, okay, this is my energy map.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is my original blueprint.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And without judgment, I have strayed really far from this blueprint.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you haven't, but it gives you the tools and the language to notice where you've been overriding yourself, where you have been not harnessing your gifts, and then also giving you the language to say, these are your strengths.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is built into your DNA.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is built into your energetic makeup.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: These are the people that lift you up.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: These are the other types of people that you can work with.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you make decisions.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you from personal experience, learning human design was so pivotal in my own personal growth journey.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I paused first and then I stopped outsourcing all of this to everyone else, being so indecisive about things.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, like I am a splenic authority.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I have this quiet instinctual knowing.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let's harness that.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: What is what are my instincts telling me?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: What is my intuition telling me?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: And now it becomes easier once you're practicing these awareness in your human design.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so if this is the space that you're in right now and you can't fully explain why, I want to tell you you're having a normal human experience.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Midlife is this amazing time where you get to be who you always wanted to be.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And without asking for permission.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like being a teenager again, but with freedom.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're not, you haven't lost yourself.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the liminal void space is not to be feared.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: We are no longer a version of ourselves that we're here to please everybody else.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to rush to figure out and force yourself into all of these big changes all at once.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Start by just noticing what feels different, what feels off.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Asking yourself, what does my human design want to tell me?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And just sitting and maybe looking at your chart.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or feel free to come inside one of my spaces and let's work on it together.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want a simple place to start with your human design, you can get a free energy snapshot audio that is comes alongside with your human design chart.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's 10 minutes all about your human design type.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you can start to notice these patterns and make new choices.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're already in this shift in your life and this liminal space and you're noticing these patterns, but you're not quite sure yet how to actually like use it and harness it and move differently in your life.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what we're doing inside the Nine Centers Mystery School together.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And we're not just thinking about it, we're not just learning more, we're actually applying these things to our lives.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll link both of those in the show notes.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: As always, if this episode supported you, please leave a review, share it with your friends.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Feel free to email me feedback.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I would love that.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Anything else you'd love to hear about on the podcast, let me know.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, I will see you in the next episode.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's it for this episode of Rewild by Design.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I trust that you got what you needed here today.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And just remember, you don't need another checklist.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: You need your own voice back.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: So go out, live a little louder, a little freer, and a hell of a lot more like yourself.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll see you next time.