Latest / Living Deeply with Markieta Carter / Who Am I Beyond Motherhood? Rediscovering Me

Transcript

Who Am I Beyond Motherhood? Rediscovering Me · Living Deeply with Markieta Carter

• 0:00
  Hey, it's Markita. Welcome back to Living Deeply podcast.
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  Today I want to talk about a question a lot of mothers eventually ask themselves.
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  Who am I outside of motherhood?
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  Not who I am to my children, not what do my children need from me,
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  not how good of a mother I am, but who am I when I remove the title of mom for a moment?
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  Because I love being a mother. Motherhood is a part of my story.
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  It has shaped me, stretched me, challenged me, and it's taught me things about
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  myself that I probably would have never learned otherwise.
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  But motherhood is not the entirety of who I am.
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  And I think sometimes women need permission to say that out loud.
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  Motherhood can become your entire identity. When you become a mother,
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  there is almost immediately an expectation that your life should begin revolving
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  around someone else, their needs, their schedules, their emotions,
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  their education, their health, their happiness, and their future.
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  And somewhere inside all of it, you can slowly stop asking yourself what you
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  need. You stop asking, what makes me happy?
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  What am I curious about?
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  What do I want to experience? What kind of woman am I becoming?
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  What do I want my life to feel like? Sometimes nobody intentionally takes your identity away from you.
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  You just become so busy taking care of everybody else that you stop tending to yourself.
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  I am a mother, but I'm also a woman.
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  And this is something that I have been thinking about more deeply as my children have gotten older.
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  There comes a point when motherhood starts changing. Your children don't need
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  you in exactly the same ways anymore.
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  And suddenly there's space. Sometimes that space feels exciting Sometimes it feels uncomfortable.
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  Because when you have spent years being needed, you can start confusing being
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  needed with having a purpose.
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  And I don't want my entire sense of purpose to depend on someone needing me.
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  I want my children to grow. I want them to become independent.
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  I want them to build lives of their own.
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  And I also want a life that belongs to me.
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  That doesn't make me selfish. That makes me human.
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  So who am I? I'm still discovering the answer.
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  And I actually love that. I am a woman who loves deeply.
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  I am emotionally sensitive. I am curious. I am creative. I love music.
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  I love singing. I love nature.
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  I love animals. I love learning. I love meaningful conversations.
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  I love helping people see possibilities for themselves that they could never see before.
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  I love creating. I love thinking. I love questioning things.
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  And I love challenging ideas that I was taught simply because somebody told me they were truth.
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  I love discovering what I actually believe instead of automatically accepting
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  what I inherited. I'm a strategist.
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  I'm a coach. I'm a speaker. I'm a podcast host. I'm a singer.
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  I'm an officiant. I'm a business owner. I am a woman who is constantly involving.
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  And none of those identities require me to stop being a mother.
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  They simply remind me that there is so much more to me.
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  I don't want my children to carry my purpose. And this is another reason that this matters to me.
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  I don't want my children to feel responsible for making my life meaningful. That's too heavy.
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  I don't want them growing up believing that they have to call me every day,
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  live near me, make certain decisions, give me grandchildren,
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  or organize their lives around keeping me fulfilled.
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  I want them to know, go live, explore, build, love, change your mind,
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  make mistakes, Figure yourself out because your mother has a life too.
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  I think one of the healthiest things you can give your children is the freedom
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  to become themselves without making them responsible for who we become.
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  I know that rediscovering yourself can feel strange. Sometimes when you spend
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  years prioritizing everyone else's needs, you don't immediately know what you like anymore.
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  Someone might ask, what do you want to do? And your first thought is,
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  what does everyone else want to do?
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  So rediscovering yourself can start incredibly small.
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  What music do I like? What do I want to wear?
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  Where would I travel if I chose the destination? What would I learn simply because I'm interested in it?
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  What would I do on a Saturday if no one needed anything from me?
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  What kind of friendships do I want? What kind of love do I want?
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  What boundaries make me feel safe?
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  What brings me peace? What makes me feel alive?
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  Those questions aren't selfish. Those are identity questions.
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  I'm allowed to change. And that's another part of rediscovering myself.
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  And that's been accepting that I don't have to remain the woman I was 5, 10, or 15 years ago.
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  I'm allowed to change. I'm allowed to outgrow things.
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  I'm allowed to discover new interests.
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  I'm allowed to change relationships.
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  I'm allowed to change careers. I am allowed to change my beliefs.
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  I'm allowed to decide that something I once tolerated no longer belongs in my
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  life and I'm allowed to meet versions of myself that I didn't have room to exist before.
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  Motherhood doesn't require me to be stagnant. My children get to grow and so do I.
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  So maybe the question isn't, who am I? Maybe the better question is, who am I becoming?
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  Because I don't think identity is something we discover once and then we're
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  finished. I am still becoming.
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  I am still learning myself. I'm still noticing what makes me light up,
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  I'm still figuring out what deserves my energy and what doesn't I'm still creating
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  a life that feels like mine And motherhood gets to exist inside of that life
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  without consuming all of it.
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  To the woman who doesn't know who she is anymore, if you're listening to this
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  and realizing that you don't know who you are outside of motherhood anymore,
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  I don't want you to panic.
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  You don't have to figure it all out today. Just start paying attention.
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  Notice what makes you smile.
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  Notice what you're curious about. Notice what you keep saying you want to try.
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  Notice what you miss. Notice what makes you feel peaceful.
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  Notice what makes you feel like yourself and give yourself permission to follow
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  some of those things You don't have to abandon motherhood to rediscover yourself,
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  You simply have to make room for the woman who exists alongside of motherhood,
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  I am a mother and i'm deeply grateful for that part of my life But i'm also marquita
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  a whole woman a woman with dreams interests boundaries desires creativity purpose
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  and a life that continues to unfold.
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  My children are part of that story but they are not my entire identity and as
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  they continue to become who they are I'm giving myself permission to become who I am.
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  If this episode resonated with you share with another woman who may need a reminder
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  that she is also allowed to exist beyond the roles that she carries.
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  You can learn more about me and my work at itsmarkita.com. Listen to more episodes
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  of the Living Deeply podcast at livingdeeplypodcast.com,
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  and connect with the Thriving Humans community at thrivinghumans.org.
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  And until next time, keep choosing yourself, keep discovering yourself, and keep living deeply.