Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S3 E30 - The King's Buyers' Guide to What You Need

Transcript

S3 E30 - The King's Buyers' Guide to What You Need · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the number one comedy podcast at Steve's mom's house, that is.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey Johnny, thank you, and thanks for introducing us into the show, which I am so excited to be here tonight.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, how's it going?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: Did you have a good week?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's going good.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: I did.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: How about you?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: This was a great week.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you, I'm I'm glad to see that our king has begun to lower tariffs on our friends, you know, like Cutter.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: They have such nice airplanes, too.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: And great thing about the airplanes, you get to keep them even if you go to jail.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: I have no idea why Joe Biden punished all those countries by letting people buy stuff from them, you know?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: But I mean, I'm glad our king is fixing that.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: I really love how he's taking a chapter out of his book.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: I think it was the art of the lie, might have been the art of the deal.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it'd been both.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: I think the art of the deal was, if I remember correctly, you screw little people who can't fight back, but if they do, then you cave like a house of cards and you give in, but lie that you didn't do it, and you say, Hey, look, I solved that problem that I created.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: What a brilliant strategy.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's kind of above my pay grade.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's a little complicated, but it's a few turns, but hey, you know, Jeff, somebody told me you had some bad news.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Does it seem to you, Steve, that I have a lot of relatives that die?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I you know, is it me or you know, my uncle died?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh sorry to hear that.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you remember him, but he was 96 years old.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: It was very suspicious.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I you know, I suspect foul play.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And but I loved my uncle, yeah.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was Uncle Johnny.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think you probably guessed that.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I I probably knew him, yeah.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: You you probably knew him.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Probably did.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Johnny, yeah.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Some say that he started the Johnny Craze, right?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Where everybody was naming kids Johnny.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think he may have been the first one to do it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: He might have started it, yeah.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And he used to tell really cool stories, and they would be like life lesson stories.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he'd tell you a story, and then at the end he'd say, Now, what did you learn from that, Jeff?
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would have to tell him.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: You say like nothing, Uncle Johnny.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then he'd smack me.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: He'd smack you, yeah.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe we're related.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: I had an uncle like that too.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: But I digress.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he sounds like a great guy.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I'd love to hear one of those stories.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't really remember any, except I went to the funeral and his daughter was there.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she's like 78, which is just weird that you know the daughter is is almost as old as most people, but she told one of the stories that he used to tell that brought a tear to everyone's eye.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: So and your uncle, and this is a family show, or we try to make it a family show.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: Is it PG rated?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: Because you know, your your family, you know.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: If it's PG rated, go ahead.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I guess you'll have to decide, but let me see if I can remember this.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, okay, so according to his daughter, Uncle Johnny was walking down the street heading home from work, and he passed this fancy restaurant.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: He looks inside the window and he sees all these rich people who are laughing and talking and and eating these delicious cheese blints.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, Uncle Johnny didn't have a lot of money, yeah.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: So he would see that, and that you know, that that was sort of status, you know, like leather books.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, kind of like that.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and I know your your family was poor back then, he couldn't afford uh a name other than Johnny, apparently.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: So a few more dollars, he could have been named uh Stefan or Broderick or something, you know.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's true.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I did have another uncle who was rich, and his name was Aaron.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's expensive.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not a cheap name, yeah.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's an expensive name, and he didn't like me, he hated me because I was always mispronouncing his name.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Did you call him Aaron?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: A Aaron, yeah.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: But I would say Aaron, and he'd go, No, it's with an A.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I go, It's Aaron.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And he'd say, No, it's with an A, and then he would smack me.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that was that was always pretty annoying.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I never had a problem with Uncle Johnny's name or or yours, Steve.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: I grew into liking my name, but I I know how Uncle Johnny felt because I always wanted to be called Stefan, but my mom didn't have the cash, so she had to cut a few letters off.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: So Steve, I guess Steve, but uh anyway, go ahead with the story.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: I digress, I really digress here.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead with the story.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, it's fine, Steph Stefan.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Stefan, Stefan.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, music to my ears.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyway, so Uncle John, Johnny, was looking at those cheese blinces and it kind of inspired him.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he was thinking, Boy, if I could eat those cheese blinces, I would feel rich and famous.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: If I could only have those for dinner.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: So when he gets home, he sees his wife, Aunt Debbie, and he says to her, Debbie, do you think you could make me some cheese blinces for dinner?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I would just love those, and that that would make me feel so much better and and rich because I'm kind of in a funk right now.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and cheese blinces are so good.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, I'm getting hungry for some right now myself.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: They sound really good.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, I want some.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved Aunt Debbie.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she was like, Of course, dear.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, I'll do my best to make you the best cheese blinces ever.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So she grabs this cookbook and she finds cheese blinces in the cookbook and she says, Aha, I found it.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I can make these for you.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she starts reading out of the cookbook, and it's like two cups of flour and a cup of water, and all of a sudden it calls for cream cheese and she doesn't have any.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, cream cheese is really expensive, and so she's kind of sad.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: But Uncle Johnny, he was really looking forward to those.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Listen, Deb, don't worry about the cream cheese.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can just make it without it.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because he was that kind of guy.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So about a minute later, Aunt Debbie's assembling all the ingredients, and it says that you needed walnuts and honey and and raisins.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And boy, that's how she's getting hungry.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: But then she got even more upset because she was missing the walnuts.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, he said, Oh, don't worry about it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it'll be fine because that was the kind of guy he was.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then she realized that they called for cinnamon and brown sugar, and she's out of those too.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And those are also very expensive back then.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: But Johnny said, Don't worry about it, just please start cooking because I'm really hungry.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: She ends up cooking what was left, which was basically flour and water, and she rolled them into little cigar shapes and she baked them for a few minutes.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then when they came out of the oven, she gave them to her happy husband.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, he already felt like he was special.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he, you know, he put a napkin, tucked a napkin on his collar, and uh he took his knife and fork, and within a few seconds, he was actually doing it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: He was eating blintzes just like rich people at fancy restaurants, you know, and Aunt Debbie was really proud, you know, that she made him so happy.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: She waited a couple seconds, she couldn't resist, and she said, Johnny, do you like them?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And Johnny said, You know, I don't understand why rich people like these so much.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: What a beautiful story.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: And the beauty of that story is that it means so over.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that it's over.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: That's one, but the beauty is that it means so little that everyone can bring their own meaning to it.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's just very fair.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: What meaning do you bring to it, Jeff?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I guess to me, it means that if you're you know you're not following recipes correctly, that food will end up tasting like shit, especially if you're missing ingredients.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I I remember going over to his to their house a lot for dinner, and they would serve things that were always missing, like key stuff, like beef stroganoff without the hamburger.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it would just be like hamburger helper.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, the hamburger helper.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: In between pop-ups, my mom made a few of those too.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I think at some point I would I would sort of nicely say, I think it's missing something.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: She'd add more helper, could have used a little bit of hamburger, and maybe that kind of explains why everything tasted so bad there.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm sure she needed all the helper she could get.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: That actually I think shows something else too.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: It shows that sometimes we buy things that we don't need.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: We can buy a whole lot less stuff and we and we will be buying a whole lot less stuff, you know.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's a lesson that we're gonna learn here in the coming months, thanks to our king.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but maybe the lesson is that she was just a really bad cook.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, she made roast beef without the beef.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's that's a major omission.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I can imagine.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, maybe she was doing you a favor.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, meat, like so many other foods, it's just it's not good for you.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: People would be so much healthier if they just didn't eat it all.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I know that would go a long way to solving our obesity problem.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think you're right.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of what the king is looking for, is to just make everybody healthier.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess if we don't, if if we don't have anything from Canada or China, maybe just from Russia, you know, because we'll we'll always be able to buy stuff from Russia that we'll be healthier.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that 11-year-old baby that he said that had 30 dolls.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe this is the first step with that executive order to fix that so that we're not buying things that we don't need or things we don't deserve.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: I you know, I think that 11-year-old, I think that's the older sister of that nine-year-old that sold me the lemonade with the$50 lemonade.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: I I think because I yeah, I think I know who that is.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: He lives down the street.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: I think I know I think you're so right.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_03: And what's that old saying, you know, have not want not, or is it the other way around, want not, have not, or gosh, is it eat not, dread not?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: I you know, I but I digress.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: I I I forget what it is, but you know you you know what I'm talking about.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: With our king's help though, we're gonna go from a country where most people can have anything they want because of cheaper stuff and imports and all kinds of good products, uh, to a country where, you know, only rich people are gonna be able to afford foreign-made blow-up dolls and and they're gonna buy a lot of them, let me tell you.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: The rest of us, we will get to prioritize, we get the privilege really to prioritize.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of like the protocols we were talking about in an earlier show.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: We're setting protocols here, and we get to prioritize what we really need and what we can do without.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of like we were talking in the last show about uh selling the vinyl records.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know, hey, just decide, hey, I can I don't need them.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: When we get rid of stuff we don't need, we get to experience the joys of rationing and bargain shopping, and not to mention finding treasures that hey, you didn't even know you had.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that happens all the time.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: How many times do you go to the store to buy batteries and then you come home and you find batteries?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, then you you didn't need to do that, and you know, cleaning out those drawers because now you'll have to because you're you're scrounging around looking for something to eat, or maybe something in the back that you could wear, you know, that you haven't worn in a long time, maybe because it doesn't fit you and you're really hungry, and maybe you really want an orange, but you know, you can't afford that.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and then all of a sudden in the back, you find this partially opened, nibbled on Twinkie.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it just makes you feel great that you found it.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's like free stuff, and it's from 1979, but it's still good.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: There's nothing in there that'll spoil, right?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's like a plastic cup or something, but that is so true.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: And think of the joy when you find that that extra pencil or pen, your old winter coat, or better yet, even finding the old winter coat because you know, dams are gonna be dropping here in a few months.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, and Jeff, what about that that 37 cents you find hiding in the sofa cushions, you know?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I know a lot of people never really cared about poor people or even even blame them for our problems.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_03: But see, now they're gonna be able to find out exactly how they feel, especially once you use up your 401k, which uh shouldn't take too long at today's rates, but it's just gonna make everybody a better person, almost king-like, if you know what I mean.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: We all know that nobody cares more about people in need than our king.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, he's really creating a new day for all of us.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: You're so right.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I know there's the naysayers, the the people who are saying, Well, what about this or what about that?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they're gonna say, Well, what if Joe Biden or and and Hunter had said the same thing that, you know, we don't need to be buying things that we can't afford and that we're gonna have to tighten our belts and things are gonna cost a lot more because of tariffs, we would be outraged, right?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And how dare the government tell everybody what they should buy or what they shouldn't buy, that it sounds like Russia or China, all this negativity.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: But the difference is that that's Joe Biden that would be saying it.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: If our if our beloved king says it, then you know that it's the best for us.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And if he doesn't say it, Elon will say it.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, we're we're better off.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's not the words, it's the delivery.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's a deliverer, I guess.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And there won't be a lot of deliveries.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: No, oh, don't expect mail.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, no.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: But it's like when our king decided to spend money that we don't have anymore, to pay illegals to go back to Mexico or South America or Canada or wherever, you know, giving them a plane ticket, probably first class, you know.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sure everyone's thinking, what's next?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_03: Paying criminals to go to prison?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_03: If we could pay one certain criminal to go to prison, I'd take up a collection.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: But I digress.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: Can you imagine if Biden did that?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: If Biden had said that, oh Marjorie Taylor Green would go nuts over that and try to impeach Biden.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: And she probably tried to impeach Obama, even if he's already out of office.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, her and Jim Jordan, they've remained silent because it's our king saying, see the difference?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: See, it's the it's the deliverer, it's not the message, it's the messenger.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know exactly what you mean.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm sure that we all feel the same way about having certain things, but but how do we know when enough is enough?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: How do we know how much stuff we should have?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Assuming we can only afford a few things, I guess that kind of limits it a little bit.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: But Steve, how will we know what we need?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Is there going to be like an executive order that will show us the way?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And and sure.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, Steve or Stefan.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I I as I say that, I see that there is a list of quantities of things that we can buy.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that list is just for me or does that change depending on who you are and what you look like.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Should we see what's on that list?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, let's take a look at it.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well it looks like furniture is yeah at the top of the list.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: You want to take that?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let me see.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_03: It starts with furniture and uh you can have you can still have one couch and a table to eat on.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: Good.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: As far as beds though, only one per person and no guest beds, and that couch can't open into a sleeper.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: Now you can buy an extra sleeping bag for overflow.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: As Project 2025 points out, too many beds lead to unnecessary sex, which leads to pregnancies of the wrong kind, which leads to the wrong kind of people, which just creates more deportations.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's a slippery slope or a valley, depending on how you look at it, or a crevasse.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: And from what I can see from what I can see, speaking of which, from what I can see, the number of chairs in a household is limited to one per person.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: You know, because really you only have one ass, right?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: So how how many how many can you sit in at one time, right?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_03: You sit in one, right?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: Why have a bunch of chairs you won't use?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: That just makes total sense.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the kind of common sense, this is the thread that has gone through everything that he has done since he came back to be our king.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: That makes sense.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, it looks like TVs are on the list of furniture items in the same category, and that's interesting.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And there are no limits on televisions how many you want to buy, although it looks like 50-inch TVs are now going for about 5,000 a TV.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you probably aren't going to have a lot of TVs, right?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean it's only gonna go up, so you might want to grab one while you can.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And these TVs, they only have a couple channels, you know, Fox and Newsmax, and how many YouTube channels?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: How many can you watch at once?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, well, that's it.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you do have two eyes, so I guess you could watch two, and then truth social, you know, on YouTube you can probably find that.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you won't be able to afford a computer, those are coming from China or Japan, and you know, so you won't be able to have that.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: But but you can still watch Fox, and that's good.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there will be no shows about diversity or liberalism or ethnic food, so that'll be good.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: Well, now the first two, of course, are going to be illegal, so of course there won't be there won't be any shows on them because hey, shows promoting the illegality, right?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but that last one, ethnic food, that's another slippery slope.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when you eat Chinese, you think, hey, I'd like to visit China and see what the food is like there, and or you know it, you're a communist, right?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: Speaking of China, I'm told this new rationing government telling us what to do modeled after China.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: They they've had a lot of practice, they're really good at this, uh, especially when it comes to the number of female babies you can have.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't think female babies are an issue with our king, but the kind of babies might be affected.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: Uh no, no need to go there now, at least for a year or so.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: But uh anyway, next what's the next category there, Jeff?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and also it depends on how you define babies, female babies.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, are we talking like didn't he say 11-year-old was a baby?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: I I guess that would be like a 14-year-old might be a baby too, because he loves those to him, hey.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but while we're on the subject of food, it looks like he has a big category for what we should eat.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he talks about a lot of different things and how much we should eat to feel full, because we don't know when we're full.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people tend to eat and they don't stop eating until all the food is gone.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: This way, you're gonna feel full by eating very little, and I think that's that's really important.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's all it's all mental, you know.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: It is, and who do we thank for that?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: The tariffs, right?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, because it it limits on how much we consume, which makes us healthier, which makes Bill Maher happy, and that's really important.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it eliminates some of the things that you know we normally would eat, like Swedish meatballs or tacos, you know, there will be no tacos, that's that's for sure, even if we can afford it.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: Or those will be deported, yeah.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and the Swedish meatballs, anything from Sweden is bad, they're very promiscuous, and you know, that's a little too close to Greenland, too, you know.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: It it is completely.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: And in Sweden, they have unneeded sex, you know, and that leads to all kinds of bad things.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: And keep in mind that they don't even know how to use electricity, and and you know, we'll be using coal from a hearth, and you can't make tacos out of that, and you can't make Swedish meatballs, so you should just stop trying.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, coal-fired tacos, that sounds kind of good.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: It does sound good.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, there's a good one here.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: First of all, all prescriptions should be cut in half.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: That's after he's asking them, please, please cut the cost by 80% if you can, but if you can't, no big deal.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that that great proclamation.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: That's even after that, it's gonna be cut in half.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: So total waste.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: Who needs all those all those medications?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: You know, a little higher cholesterol?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, you know, roll with it.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Don't listen to that Harvard educated doctor, what they tell you, you know.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: Drugs for depression.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: There's a great example.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm old enough to remember when people didn't need drugs to be depressed.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, come on.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh, look, here's one.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: Here's one.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Anyone found to have a black market vaccine procedure will be deported immediately.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's about time.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_03: And that that applies especially to the polio vaccines, which can cause mood swings, which can lead to unneeded sex, which can lead to the wrong kind of people, which can lead to more deportations.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, uh same side with birth control, which can be illegal.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_03: But of course, uh, Viagra's gonna be free, though.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: No limits on quantities.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Because that's okay.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all government approved prescriptions will need to be purchased at one location so that the government can negotiate the best rate, and that location is gonna be musk marked.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: What a favor he's doing, and and of course he's gonna get the best rate because he's not in it for the money.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_03: No, it's a place to buy any remaining products that he can still afford.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: We have time for one more category.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I do.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: I see uh weapons, which I think is a really popular category.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: And oh, yeah, big sellers.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, he has the king is aware how important our guns are to us.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so, in this executive order, it's not surprising.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: There are no limits on guns.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: You should have as many guns as you can possibly have.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of regulating them and limiting ownership, it's the opposite.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: You wanted 30 dolls.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, now you can have 30 guns.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: And come on, which is gonna protect you better 30 dolls or 30 guns?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: Even 30 blow up, and really, I gotta be honest, I expected nothing less.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: This is what he said he was gonna do, and pretty much what I expected him to do.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: You know, though, Jeff, it looks like we are just about to get kicked out of eccentric lady in the studios, just about out of time, and and actually the heat's not working too well in here either because we're out of coal.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: But we will get used to it, Steve.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: It will be a plus because when we do get heat, we will be so grateful.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know, maybe those those gloves with the fingers cut out, maybe those will make a comeback so that we can still type, but our hands warm, you know?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: So Dickensian.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh, this is so cool.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I feel like Oliver Twist or I don't know, Nicholas Nickleby, or I don't know, somebody.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't know.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: I don't even know who I feel like, but uh I know that we are just about to get kicked out.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_03: So, Jeff, I'll see you at the next show and Johnny, right, Steve.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: But first, a word from this wonderful sponsor.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: If you're in the Omaha Metro and love the nightlife, come on across the Missouri River to experience a Metro nightlife you'll never forget.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, I'm Denke Street Matter, your host for Council Bluffs After Dark, coming to you every night, all night, on public access cable channel 617.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_03: Each night we show you the best dives to enjoy the vibrant and heart-challenging nightlife in the Jewel of Western Iowa.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: And we bring you the people-making Council Bluffs the magic place it is.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: We have more casinos and strip clubs than any other city in our region.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_03: We have air that is more than 1% crystal math.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe best of all, we have the O Face Bar, a bar rescue reject where you can stagger in and take your chances.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: We'll show you how to make sure you get a clean glass.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_03: Plus, we answer your burning Council Bluffs questions like Why did the Oregon and California settlers, the Mormons, the Railroads, and Lewis and Clark all dash out of town?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Or what is that metal junk on that bridge?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_03: We'll tell you.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: So blow the mess smell away and join us every night, all night, on Council Bluffs After Dark.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: We may be high crime, but we'll show you a high time.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: This has been a 30 blow-up dog production in association with Don't Eat It All Media.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, stepensjep.com.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: This is Johnny's baby.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: I think the name Johnny has just as much value as any other name, even more so to Steve's mom, if you know what I mean.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Good night.