Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #986 The Mother's Day Yes/No Game

Transcript

#986 The Mother's Day Yes/No Game · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Now, you really haven't heard much from Kylie this week,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: missus Happy Families has lost her voice. Say hi to everyone,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Kylie Hello, it's slowly, slowly coming back. And so we're
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  Speaker 1: trying to try to force out a podcast today because
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  Speaker 1: Mother's Day is coming up in just a couple of days,
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  Speaker 1: and well we're excited, at least for our Australian audience.
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  Speaker 1: It's Mother's Day this Sunday and Kylie Today on the podcast,
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  Speaker 1: We're going to do something we've never done before. There's
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  Speaker 1: an old radio game that politicians refuse to play. It's
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  Speaker 1: cat the yes No game. It's not the yes no
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  Speaker 1: game where you're not allowed to say yes or no
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  Speaker 1: and people have got to trick you into saying yes
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  Speaker 1: or no. This is the yes no game where every
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  Speaker 1: answer that you give has to be a yes or
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  Speaker 1: a no. Now, you can qualify it with one or
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  Speaker 1: two quick sentences after, but you've got to give me
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  Speaker 1: a yes or a no after each question. Mother's Day's
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  Speaker 1: coming up. I thought it could be fun to ask
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  Speaker 1: you a whole bunch of questions about being mum.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I don't do anything fast one of the time.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm just going to open up and give you
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  Speaker 1: a peek behind the curtain here for a sec. You
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  Speaker 1: hear an edited version of the body of the podcast.
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  Speaker 1: Because one of the great challenges that I have, having
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  Speaker 1: once been a radio on now so there's no such
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  Speaker 1: thing as dead air like that you don't say anything.
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  Speaker 1: So I'll say things and if I was on the radio,
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  Speaker 1: my co host would then say something back to me.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't been on the radio for twenty years,
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  Speaker 1: but once it's enough to be your co you are
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  Speaker 1: my co host. Once radio is in your butt, it
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  Speaker 1: doesn't leave. And so I just have this expectation that
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  Speaker 1: as Kylie and I talk and banter, that Kylie's going
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  Speaker 1: to respond. But like I said, you get the edited version.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes Paul Jr. Our producer, he'll be seeing this shit.
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  Speaker 1: You go, is anyone going to say anything like hello?
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Because nobody's saying and I've said my thing and Kylie's
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  Speaker 1: you like to process.
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  Speaker 2: I do. It takes me a little bit of time
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  Speaker 2: to process.
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  Speaker 1: Your brain works differently to my brain, and there's no
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  Speaker 1: thing the matter with that.
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  Speaker 2: We'll just see how this gamee goes.
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  Speaker 1: I'm a little bit nervous.
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  Speaker 2: What are you going to ask me? Politicians? Why I play?
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  Speaker 2: What are you asking?
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  Speaker 1: Well, that's politicians won't give you yes, no answer. They
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  Speaker 1: just got their own agenda. So here are the rules.
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  Speaker 1: I've got a whole bunch of questions for you. This
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  Speaker 1: is going to be the entirety of the podcast. Questions
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  Speaker 1: about being a mum, Questions about your experiences over the
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  Speaker 1: last twenty five years of being a mum.
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  Speaker 2: This kind of feels like filling out a survey when
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  Speaker 2: they don't have the right answer.
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  Speaker 1: You must say yes or no. You can add an
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  Speaker 1: explanatory sentence now and then if you must, and you
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  Speaker 1: can pass once. So choose that time to pass, very.
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  Speaker 2: Kid, Can I ask me?
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  Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. Craig Bruce, our executive producer, is
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  Speaker 1: the one who sent the questions.
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  Speaker 2: Through great so he could be in big trouble.
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  Speaker 1: Are you ready, missus? Happy families, Let's go, Kylie Coulson.
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  Speaker 1: Have you ever fallen asleep on the couch from pure exhaustion? Yes,
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  Speaker 1: I thought you were going to give me more. You've
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  Speaker 1: said yes or not, But the one or two sentences
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  Speaker 1: after makes it more fun. But yes, where else have
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  Speaker 1: you fallen asleep from your exa.
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  Speaker 2: In all old concept? That's definitely my claim to pay right.
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  Speaker 1: Near the speakers. Have you ever forgotten to pick one
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  Speaker 1: of the girls up from school.
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  Speaker 2: Too many times?
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  Speaker 1: Have you ever eaten a Mother's Day breakfast made by
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  Speaker 1: the girls and regretted the moment it went into your mouth? No,
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  Speaker 1: there's been very few times that that made me breakfast.
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  Speaker 1: Our girls are pretty slack on Mother's Day. I remind them.
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  Speaker 1: I give them a lot of nudges, but you're the mom.
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  Speaker 1: You're not my mom, so it's their responsibility to make
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  Speaker 1: Mother's Day special for you.
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  Speaker 2: Just think called scaffolding. Yeah, I do what you had
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  Speaker 2: gotten better, but it took a pretty big barney on
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  Speaker 2: step up.
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  Speaker 1: It really did. Have you ever had an argument with
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  Speaker 1: your mother in law that you regret? No, we actually
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  Speaker 1: get on pretty well with my mom because we live
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  Speaker 1: a thousand caves. Did you underestimate a mother's love for
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  Speaker 1: their children before you felt it yourself.
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  Speaker 2: I spent five days in the hospital with Shanella, our eldest,
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  Speaker 2: and I don't remember sleeping a lot because I just
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  Speaker 2: couldn't get enough of her.
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  Speaker 1: Want to inhale her. Literally, Kylie, do you ever have
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  Speaker 1: a sleep in on the weekends and feel bad about
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  Speaker 1: it afterwards?
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  Speaker 2: Never?
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  Speaker 1: That's a double barreled question. Do you ever have a
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  Speaker 1: sleep in on the weekends? Never? Never? So if you did,
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  Speaker 1: would you feel bad about it?
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  Speaker 2: Never?
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  Speaker 1: Have you ever compared yourself to other mums?
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  Speaker 2: Always?
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  Speaker 1: How's that worked for you?
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  Speaker 2: Well? Sometimes it works in my favor, really really well,
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  Speaker 2: But most of the time it doesn't get downward.
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  Speaker 1: Social comparison feels good, doesn't it. It's nice to punch
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  Speaker 1: down now and then. Have you ever wondered if you're
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  Speaker 1: doing it right?
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  Speaker 2: More times than I can count?
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  Speaker 1: Do you think that you'll always worry about it? Girls?
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  Speaker 2: Yes?
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  Speaker 1: Have you ever met a mum that really does seem
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  Speaker 1: to have it all figured out?
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  Speaker 2: Yes? Over the years, there's been plenty of people that
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  Speaker 2: at the time it felt like they had everything together.
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  Speaker 2: But as our friendship obviously developed and grew and we
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  Speaker 2: became more vulnerable with each other, I recognized that they didn't.
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  Speaker 2: But at the time all I could see was that
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  Speaker 2: they were able to seemingly do everything so effortlessly, and
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  Speaker 2: for me it just felt hard.
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  Speaker 1: Do you ever think about what it would be like
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  Speaker 1: having a son.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do. I don't feel like I'm missing out,
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  Speaker 2: but I definitely have one did.
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  Speaker 1: Based on the experiences that we've had watching other people
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  Speaker 1: with their sons. I don't feel like we're missing out either, but.
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  Speaker 2: I have wondered what it would be like and whether
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  Speaker 2: or not I would actually be able to pull it together.
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  Speaker 1: Do you feel any different now that you're a grandma?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do. I feel a lot more connected with
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  Speaker 2: myself and a lot more confident in my capacity as
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  Speaker 2: a parent.
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  Speaker 1: One of the highlights of my life, genuine highlights of
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  Speaker 1: my life, is grandparenthood. I don't know quite how to
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  Speaker 1: put it into words. I know this is your yes
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  Speaker 1: no for Mother's Day, but I can't help I have
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  Speaker 1: to intrude now and then with something. There's just something
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  Speaker 1: unspeakably magnificently wonderful about watching your own children with their children,
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  Speaker 1: especially when they're doing it well. I mean, and our
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  Speaker 1: daughter and our son and Laura are doing it so well.
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  Speaker 1: I think they're doing it far better than we ever did,
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  Speaker 1: especially with no experience. It's just an absolute delight.
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  Speaker 2: I remember reading a real a little while back, and
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  Speaker 2: it was just the acknowledgment that for some people, they
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  Speaker 2: get really upset about the extra attention their children get,
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  Speaker 2: the grandchildren get, and don't feel like their parents ever
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  Speaker 2: loved them the way they love their grandchildren. And the
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  Speaker 2: point of you that they were sharing was just the
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  Speaker 2: acknowledgment that this is actually an extension of the love
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  Speaker 2: that they have for you as their child. Yeah, And
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  Speaker 2: it's so beautiful. I watch whenever we interact with Indy,
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  Speaker 2: Chanelle has just got the biggest grin on her face,
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  Speaker 2: like she yes, she feels the love that we have
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  Speaker 2: for Indy Vicious, like she.
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  Speaker 1: Knows that that's how we love her.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, And because we love her that way, that and
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  Speaker 2: it just I watch it. It fills her cup so spectacularly.
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  Speaker 2: It's just it's such a beautiful kind of circle of
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  Speaker 2: life moment, Kylie.
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  Speaker 1: Do you ever wish that you had the money for
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  Speaker 1: a cleaner at a maid? Do I even need to
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  Speaker 1: ask that question?
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  Speaker 2: So I could go without the cleaner and the maid,
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  Speaker 2: but I would.
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  Speaker 1: Love a cookie. Do you ever wish that someone else
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  Speaker 1: would make dinner tonight? Was the next question. I guess
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  Speaker 1: I don't need to answer that. That would be every night,
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  Speaker 1: every night, That question, what's for dinner? I feel so
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  Speaker 1: bad when I ask it of you, Like I'll be
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  Speaker 1: in the office and I'm I'm really you ask me
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  Speaker 1: every day, but I feel terrible asking. I'm buried in work.
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  Speaker 1: I so badly just want to get into the kitchen
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  Speaker 1: and cook the meal so that you don't have to
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  Speaker 1: think about it. But I'm either so exhausted i can
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  Speaker 1: barely lift my legs, or I'm so snowed under with
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  Speaker 1: work and work commitments. Oh my goodness. It's like it's
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  Speaker 1: got to be one of the hardest parenting questions there is,
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  Speaker 1: and it's got nothing to do with parenting. All right,
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  Speaker 1: just a couple more. Do you ever think about the
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  Speaker 1: house being empty and the girls being grown up? I mean,
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  Speaker 1: we've only got a half a dozen years or so,
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  Speaker 1: and we're pretty much at the emptiness stage.
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  Speaker 2: There's a part of me that's been looking forward to
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  Speaker 2: that day, yes, for a very long time. But having
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  Speaker 2: had baby number three leave and now we're down.
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  Speaker 1: To half yeah, we've got three kids at home, it's
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  Speaker 1: actually heartbreaking.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really really challenging, and I think that the
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  Speaker 2: day that the house is empty is going to be
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  Speaker 2: a really sad day.
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  Speaker 1: An extension of that. Yes, no, are you nervous for
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  Speaker 1: that stage of our lives together?
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  Speaker 2: No, I'm not nervous with our stage.
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  Speaker 1: We are going to have fun, right.
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  Speaker 2: I think that one of the biggest challenges that we've
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  Speaker 2: had over our family life together has just been trying
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  Speaker 2: to find the balance between time together and time with
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  Speaker 2: our children. And I don't think that that's ever going
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  Speaker 2: to end. I look at each of our children and
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  Speaker 2: their needs, and then add grandchildren to the equation, and
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  Speaker 2: I think that there's always going to be this wrestle
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  Speaker 2: between when is enough time, and because we have fostered
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  Speaker 2: some beautiful relationships between each of our children, I think
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  Speaker 2: it's always going to be a wrestle. It's always going
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  Speaker 2: to be a wrestle.
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  Speaker 1: We have three questions to go, Kylie, is there anything
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  Speaker 1: you haven't said to our girls that you would like
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  Speaker 1: to tell them?
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  Speaker 2: I don't think so. I don't think so. I didn't
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  Speaker 2: have the best relationship with my mum growing up, and
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  Speaker 2: I consistently looked for outside sources to be the maternal
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: figure that I needed in my life, and as a result,
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  Speaker 2: I have worked so hard to build nurturing, loving relationships
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  Speaker 2: with my girls, and I feel like we say all
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  Speaker 2: the things that need to be said. I feel like, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I feel like we say all the things we need
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  Speaker 2: to say.
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  Speaker 1: Kylie, is there anything that you would change?
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  Speaker 2: I think the only thing I would change is that
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  Speaker 2: I knew who I was a lot earlier on in
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  Speaker 2: the piece, that I had greater confidence in my own
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  Speaker 2: capacity and my own ability to mother my children the
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  Speaker 2: way they needed to be mothered.
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  Speaker 1: That's a perfect segue into the last question for you.
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  Speaker 1: When you look in the mirror, who stares back at you.
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting that it's not a yes, no question.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: I kind of cheated on the last one.
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  Speaker 2: It would be a woman who has given everything, literally everything,
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  Speaker 2: to not only bring these six amazing girls into the world,
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  Speaker 2: but who's sacrificed the very best that she has to
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  Speaker 2: give an offer for their betterment.
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  Speaker 1: That's what I see, and that's what makes you an
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  Speaker 1: amazing one. I love you quietly. Happy Mother's Day, and
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: for everybody listening, thank you so much for participating being
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: a part of the Happy Families community. We love that
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  Speaker 1: you listen to the podcast. We hope that it inspires
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: you to make your family happier. And to create stronger
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: relationships with those that matter the very most. The Happy
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Family podcast is produced by Justin Ruhland from Bridge Media.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Thanks so much for
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: the questions, Craig and for helping us to make the
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: podcast what it is, and Jr. For the marvelous and
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: patient editing the you do mums, We hope you have
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: a wonderful, wonderful Mother's Day this weekend and that you
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  Speaker 1: feel loved. For more information about making your family happy
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: of visit happy families dot com dot a U