Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / Dating Standards, Red Flags & Relationships with Tisia X’iare Vere and Joy Taylor LIVE

Transcript

Dating Standards, Red Flags & Relationships with Tisia X’iare Vere and Joy Taylor LIVE · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: That's y'all problem.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Y'all don't want to help a man. Y'all don't want
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: to build him up. Y'all don't want, and it's like, sir.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: I'm with you. At this big age, there's no projects happening.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: I do want to be kind to the man that's
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: in my life.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: You can see the trajectory of where they're going.
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: You being a man of God is not a character trait.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: I have a hundred percent success rate of walking out
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: with those men's numbers just by sending a green flag
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: that I'm approachable and got to pay to play.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: And that's the hard truth.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Welcome to Too Personal. I'm so excited to be here
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: with Tasia and she is someone I'm very, very excited
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: to talk to because we talk a lot about personal
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: relationships of all sorts, but she is everyone's favorite dating coach.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I like to think so. I think we've named you that.
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: The internet has named you that. We get into a
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: little bit of trouble on Too Personal sometimes with my
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: opinions about dating and men. I love men, I adore them,
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: all of our beautiful men in the crowd who are
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: here supporting us.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Girl, they dragging me too, so we in the same boat.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: We in the same boat. It happens, it happens. But
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: we are aboard the One Voyage cruise, which has been
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: an amazing time. We are here live, we have a
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: crowd here with us today. So we're going to take
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: questions later. This is our first live too personal. We're
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: usually in studio or on the road as I have
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: been for a while. So tell us first how you
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: got into being a dating coach.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: So the interesting thing is I just did a webinar
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: probably about a month ago and I had to like
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: gather all of my information about myself, do a bio
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: and all of this stuff. And I started like just
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: scouring the internet for, like, when did I start doing this?
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Y'all, in 2012, I.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Was on Facebook telling people to see us, Five Tips
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: for Dating.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I had no audience.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: It was just me, and I think I had, like,
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: three likes on the post. But I've just always been
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: interested in human behavior, and that's what I think dating is,
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: all dating is, is patterns.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And human behavior.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: And so I've been studying psychology since 2005, so a
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: very long time.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: And so....
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Years ago when I lost my mom I said life
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: has to get really interesting What would you do if you?
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Just could start all over and I started making these
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: dating videos in my car And then it just picked
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: up the shade room on-site Everybody just started sharing the
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: videos and I've realized that I just had a gift
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: for delivery and also making.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: People feel seen.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: And just like the everyday woman, you know, I think
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: that coaching can be very buttoned up and you have
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: to do a consultation and fill out these intake forms.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: And so I just made it like, I'm here for
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: the girls in the projects. I'm here for the baby mamas.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I'm here for the girls next door. Like those are
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: the girls that I want to talk to. And so
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: that's really how I started getting into, I've been talking
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: about dating literally for like so many years, 14 years now.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: Would you say that your advice is you know, researched,
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: or is it more opinion?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: It's absolutely research, and I think the great thing about
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: my personal strategy is that it's research, it's psychology-based, but
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: there's also, like, humor in it, right? Like, I'm studying
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: human behavior. Like, I know how the mind works, and
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: I know specifically how... the mind of a man works
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: as well. And so that's what I'm usually getting into
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: a tussle. And I'm just like, this is science. I
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: didn't make this, I didn't make this up.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: And are you going to have varying opinions?
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: But I'm also very research based. I'm actually a market
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: researcher by trade. And so I'm very research based and I,
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: I let the numbers do all the, do the talking.
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: And so most of it is like, well, maybe not all,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: but the majority of is usually kind of my, my baseline.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: I think I understand the, mind of a man because
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I worked around so many men for so long. And
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: I think that's why I get so much trouble. Cause
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: I'm like, y'all can't lie to me. You didn't already
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: told me too much. You let the cat out the bag.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: It's like, call your uncle, call your cousin, call your grandfather,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: call your, call your daddy and ask them.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: They're going to tell you.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't, what happens is people get upset when
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: you generalize, right? Like obviously when you talk about an
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: individual person, their experience is will probably be different than
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: someone else's. So we're speaking generally, which obviously always upsets someone,
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: because they're like, well, I don't act like that. Well,
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to all
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: of us. So that's where I get in trouble, because
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: people think I'm talking about everyone.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: And that's why people love to ride off the exception, right?
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: And it's like, if I say, oh, well... you know,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: maybe not make it so accessible. If you do a
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: one night stand, maybe this man is not gonna have
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: anything to work for. I married my husband and we
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: had sex on the first night. And it's like, well,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: you're the exception to the rule. Let's not apply that
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: to everybody because you're gonna get a lot of women
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: in trouble telling them that if you put out, this
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: man's gonna take you to the altar. That's not always
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: the case. And so you can't also be the exception
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: to the rule all the time.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: No, the exception is, I think, in dating what gets
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: people in a lot of trouble. In any of these
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: conversations gets people in trouble. Okay, so Tasia, I'm really
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: excited to have you up here because I was going
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: through some of your videos and I was like, ooh, girl,
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: don't be talking about me now. Why are you dragging me?
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: So one of the things I wanted to talk to
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: you about is you were talking about men don't stay
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: where they don't.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: Oh, yes.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, because eventually it starts to smell like poo. And
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: I didn't know, I had to really listen to you
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: because I was like, I don't, what does this mean?
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: But this is my question for you. So basically explain
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: what you mean by men don't stay where they don't.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: So I always say that like if a man is
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: coming to you with like all of these problems, and
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: I think that for women it can be, you can
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: have a lot of empathy. So I always teach women,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: you don't want to be an empathetic Elizabeth. You don't
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: want to be a nice Nancy, a kind Kathy, a
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: flexible Felicia, an understanding Ursula, right? If a man is
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: coming into your life and dumping, dumping, dumping, my dog
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: got cancer, my mom in hospice, I just lost my job,
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: I'm on my air mattress, I'm about to get evicted.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: If he's coming and dumping, dumping, dumping, dumping on you,
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: he going to be like, y'all smell that?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It smell like Dookie in here.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: He's not going to want to stay where he's coming
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: and bringing all of his problems. And so eventually, Ashley
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: down the street, her house smell like Febreze.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Smell like Pinesol. Smell like Fabuloso.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: You have to be weary when somebody is coming into
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: your life with all of these kind of problems. And
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: I think just a stand-up guy, even if he's going
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: through it, it's not that you shouldn't be empathetic or kind, but.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: He shouldn't be coming with that much problems.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Men don't usually stay where they're dumping, dumping, dumping, dumping
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: all the time, right? And so I think, yeah, men
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: have a hard time with that because it's like, see,
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: that's y'all problem. Y'all don't want to help a man.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Y'all don't want to build him up. Y'all don't want,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: and it's like, sir. You have so many things going on.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: At a certain point, you're going to resent me. You're
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: going to resent me for knowing that you were sleeping
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: on the air mattress.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: You're going to resent me for staying when you didn't
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: have any money.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: It's not that I don't want to build with you,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: but at this big age, somebody has to come with something.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: You have to come with something. And I just think
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: it's not.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: it's not a manly thing to come in and make
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: all of your problems my problems. You should be trying
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: to shield me from my problems. Like, back in the day,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: the grandpas, they were like, my wife don't know a bill.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: She don't know whatever. She just won't, my husband just
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: won't supper in a cold beer. That's not coming in
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: with all of these problems expecting me to be a
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: barber to builder, you know, so.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I'm with you. At this big age, there's
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: no projects happening. I don't need, I have a, What
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: do they call, you call them a task rabbit. I'm
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: not putting nothing together. I'm paying someone to do that.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: But what is the balance though? Because where I felt like,
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, you're talking about me? Because I
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: do want to be kind to the man that's in
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: my life. And even though he's not a project, At
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: what point are you like, hey, you maybe just need
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: to handle this. I can be here for you, but
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: I can't be with you while you're doing that.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: I think it's a lot of character too. A lot
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: of times, even if, in my opinion, a man doesn't
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: have it right now, you can see the trajectory of
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: where they're going. I've dated men where they didn't have
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: it right now and they would be like for example
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: you know if I if I had the money I
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: would make your birthday amazing you know I want to
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: celebrate Valentine's Day you know I want to well now
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: you got a job and now you never pay me
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: back and now you didn't do nothing for my birthday
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: and now Valentine's Day have been dry so it's like
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: what is the man doing when they're actually building up
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: can you see that this person has great character Can
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: you see that they have discipline? Can you see that
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: they're a dreamer, that they're working on it, right? This
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: is not because he doesn't have it.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: He's a bum. That's not it.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: But you have to look at the person and the character.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: There's also non-financial transferable skills that a man can have
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: that's absolutely an asset to a relationship.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: It's not all, you know, all financial. But I think just.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Looking at the heart of the person and you're seeing
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: them trying to You're seeing them trying even though they
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: don't have it. And I think that you have to
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: have the eye for that. You know, you have to
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: have the eye for it.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: So we were talking before we came up here about
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: a very controversial take of mine. Oh my God. My
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: mom always takes her controversial at this point. Oh well.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: But I have a trigger. And you know, since we're
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: on this ship, I feel like this is a very
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: relevant conversation because we do love us some church. But
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: if a man leads with he's a godly man or
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: he's a man of God, I'm cool. You might as
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: well just told me you got four different baby mamas
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: and five kids. I'm good. That is a red flag.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: And the reason I feel it's a red flag is
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: you being a man of God is not a Character
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: trait like I feel like I'm being sold that you're
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: a good person because you believe God exists in heaven
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: and hell And that's not stopped anybody from being a
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: terrible person in my experience girl. Are you gonna stay
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: down there? So when you hear that what do you
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: think because that's Mike's I've had some really terrible experiences
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: with Men of God and it doesn't mean that all
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: men of God are bad people But just I don't
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: need you to tell me that within the first 15
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: seconds of you meeting me. Why does that matter?
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: I think that's like my, we're probably the opposite because
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: that is like, if you are not a man of God,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: I don't, like I literally don't have anything else to say.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: There's nothing else to talk about. That's like my number
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: one on my list. And it doesn't mean, oh, you're
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: a man of God, you're living life so well and
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: you're gonna, but at least that's just, you know, a baseline.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: And I know it may seem closed-minded or it may
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: seem like, well, you're not flexible. I don't want to
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: be flexible about that, right? Like that's just like top,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: If I think that one of the biggest issues sometimes
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: is that women like emotionally offload and they're already emotionally
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: invested before they even get to know the person. So
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: to me, it's like I don't I don't want to
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: emotionally invest in just. a non-believer. So that's just like
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: my baseline, right? Again, it doesn't mean you're my husband,
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: but if you are not down with G-O-D, yeah, you
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: know me.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not, baby. I don't have nothing to tell.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: I didn't try to talk to an atheist, a Muslim,
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: all of these things, and it's just like.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Well, if faith is.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Very important to you, then you should be with somebody
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: who is a faith-based person. I'm not. I don't go
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: to church. I did my time. Every five days a week,
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: for 16 years, so I have a different experience. But, yeah,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: I can't, listen. And then they wanna reinvent the virginity thing,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: that's my favorite. That's my favorite, you know that story. Woo!
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: But I think it's also about like, we're not.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Gonna have sex. Sir, you have a whole illegitimate child.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: A toddler, you've, I know how it got here. And
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: it wasn't IVF.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Like more interested in.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: Was not a surrogate.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: The actual like fruits of their spirituality.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I think that it's not just about if you're a
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: church goer, right? I think you have to be able
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: to see the fruits in your life, right?
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: And so that's compassion. That is, you know, just generosity.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: It's kindness. Like, are you a servant? Are you getting philanthropy?
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: There's all these other things that I'm really you know,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: looking for, not just like if you're a church goer
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: or you reading your Bible, like I want to see
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: like God present in your life. So yeah, we ain't
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: got nothing to talk about.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: Nothing to talk about. Also, we were already having sex
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: when he decided this, by the way.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: What'd you say?
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: We were already having sex when he decided this.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, the girls are doing that too. Some of
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: the girls are starting out and then they locking it down.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: That's a very difficult thing. You got, that man got
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: to be committed.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: That's a rarity. The girls are starting off and locking
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: it down too.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: What do you mean? So they're like having sex and then.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: After they get together deciding we're not having sex anymore?
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I'm convicted.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: I went to church and they said they're having these
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: moments too where they've started. And that's a very hard thing.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: And I don't think it's fair for the man to
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: walk away and you be like, see, I knew you
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: wasn't my husband.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: It's like, hey, alignment should be.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Upfront. Well, I don't think you should test people in
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: that way.
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: But also if you're, you're allowed to change your mind
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: about your body anytime, anywhere, but you have to communicate.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Like he just woke up one day and was like, Oh,
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: we're not having sex anymore. I was like, uh, you're
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: not having sex anymore. I am going to continue on my,
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: my sexual journey. This is where we part ways. That's
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: a very serious part of why we were together. I, he,
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: It's always the same thing, girl. This has happened to
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: me so many times that my therapist was like, where
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: are you finding these men? And I was like, church.
• 14:20
  Speaker 6: Fake church.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: God's trying to call you back to the officer. That's
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: what's happening.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: No, ma'am. No. You got the people that's around.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: If you keep attracting those kind of people, that means
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: God's going to call you back.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Because when we start talking about it, I'm like, no, no, no, no.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Your wife is over there. Your wife is in that.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: There are so many women that want to hear this
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: from you. No, they wake up and they're like, I
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: want to be closer to God. And I'm like, okay,
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: I love that for you. But you're still, what about
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: all these other sins? Are we going to handle all
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: these other sins? Why is it just this one sin?
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just had that conversation the other day that
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: a lot of times it's either... The no cursing, no cursing,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: no drinking and like the abstinence that makes people want to.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: No bacon.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Nope.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: That makes people want to get closer to God.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: But I always ask women, it's like, OK, well, now
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: that you want to get closer to God, there's like, OK,
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: you change the way you dress. You're a little bit
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: more conservative. You stop cursing. You stop drinking. You stop
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: having sex. But there's so many other ways to prepare
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: for being a wife. It's like, look at your mouth.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: Look at your anger. Look how quick you are to anger.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: You're not an understanding person, right? Even the Bible talks
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: about being slow to anger. It talks about the lashing
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: of the tongue, right? There are so many other things
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: that you can start doing to be closer to God.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: And those are like interpersonal things that you can really
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: change and grow.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: And so. Yeah.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: How about being a kind person?
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Being a kind person.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: How about being generous? How about being patient? Yes.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: What?
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. Like have character traits of somebody
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: that is on that journey. Yeah. But yeah. Anyway. We're
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: still friends because we're never going to have sex again.
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: So there were a couple of the things I wanted
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: to ask you, and we're also going to take some
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: questions in a few minutes as well. So if you
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: have any questions for Tasia, get them ready. Um, so
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: this is something that I feel like was in a
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: Los Angeles quality, which is now sort of poured over into,
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: I think the whole world with, um, dating apps and
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: the internet and just our ability to travel and see
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: so many things that there's sort of this illusion, I
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: believe it's an illusion, of choices, of options. That people
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: feel like they have more options because they see more people,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: because they see beautiful women on the internet that they
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: can DM, because they have dating apps and they can
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: just swipe and swipe and swipe and just keep going
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: through people. So it's always like, okay, I found a
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: person I like, I found a person I'm compatible with,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: but Maybe I can do better. Maybe there's always something
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: better out there because we see so much of that.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: But the reality is you're still looking for one person.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: So do you think that that's something that's really affected dating?
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I think it's more so affected people's in-person interpersonal skills, right?
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Like in my coaching... I am always talking to women,
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: like they have no game and no finesse.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: It's ridiculous.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like, when I go out, what am I supposed
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: to do? What am I supposed to do? Go to
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: the bar, stand next to him. You got to do
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: a lap. You can't be with five to six women.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: You're going to stand next to him and you're going
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: to say, hey, is.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: That bourbon or whiskey?
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: I have 100% success rate of walking out with those
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: men's numbers just by sending a green flag that I'm
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: approachable and I'm ready to talk. Literally, I'm just gonna
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: ask a question. I'm gonna say, oh my God, what
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: cologne is that? These girls don't know how to flirt.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: I'm like, y'all ain't never had that auntie that was
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: like the neighborhood hoe?
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: And she was like, you know what I'm saying?
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Like she was the one that taught y'all, aunties didn't
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: teach y'all no finesse.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: They don't know what to say. They don't.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: And that's the dating app stuff. That's the DMs. That's
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: let me slide into your messages. You don't have, you
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: don't know how to talk to people. You're on your phone.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: You got to rest in B phase. You're not talking.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: You're not interacting. You come in with four to five women.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: And I think that that behind the screen thing has
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: prevented people from from actually knowing how to connect in person,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: for sure.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: I think also the fear of rejection is something that
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I'm having a lot of conversations with, especially with young people, because,
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: you know, we were out dating in our early 20s.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: I don't know how old you are, but I was
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: out dating in our early 20s when social media was
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: not a thing. So you had to go and talk
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: to someone to get their number. You had to go
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: and interact with them. And sometimes you would get told no.
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: And people are so afraid of no. Some no's that
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: I've gotten in my life, in my career, in my
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: relationships are the best things that ever happened to me
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: because no is as important as yes to me because
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: it guides you into certain places and you don't know
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: what's around the corner. So you could really want something
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: and it not be right for you. And people are
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: terrified of getting turned down. They're also psychopaths. Like, sir,
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't come in here to talk to you. Like,
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: I've been very kind and nice and I'm not interested
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: in you. And they're like, Bleep, you ugly anyway. Like, no,
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: I'm not, actually. I'm not ugly. I might be a
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: lot of things, but I'm positive on that one. So
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: why are you acting this way? A lot of people
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: are afraid of no.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: But I think, too, that I feel like I wish
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: that black men and black women in particular just would, like,
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: have a team huddle. Because I don't think, you know,
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: it's not that often I'm empathizing with a man. But
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I also know that there are times where We don't
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: realize that for men, it takes a lot of courage
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: to get up and walk across the room and say,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: you know, and I don't think we realize that, like,
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: men are the pursuers. Like, they're the one that get
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: on one knee. And so I don't think as women
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: we really understand that, girl, you got this ain't 1920.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: He ain't coming to your door talking about some, can
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I speak to your father to take you out on
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: a date to go to the movies.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Like, that's not how it is.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Is like you gotta you gotta put your toe out
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: there a little bit and just kind of bridge bridge
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: the gap but I can't imagine having to like you
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: know you you you have to go out and pursue
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: and you gotta you know make that first move and
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: so I feel like there should be a little you know,
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: wiggle room, because that is a hard job to have.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: I think you should always be gracious to people.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: Like, if someone's not being rude, I told a story
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: the other day. I was at this bar that I
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: go to in L.A. that's by my house, and me
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: and my friend were sitting talking. Like, you and I
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: are sitting here talking. We weren't on our phones. We
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: were clearly having a conversation at a table, and this
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: man came over and just sat at the table, and
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: we were like, okay. And still nice, you know, because
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: I don't want to get murdered. And he just, he
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: wasn't talking about nothing, didn't ask our names, was just
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: like not with good energy, really not listening when we
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: were talking. Like I was like, hello, nice, I'm Joy,
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: by the way. You've been sitting here for 30 seconds
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: and didn't ask either of our names. And he was
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: just not, he was giving nothing. He was giving you're
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: bothering us. And I'm like, okay, well, I need to
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: get rid of him. So I just told him I
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: was a witch. And it worked. Yeah, he left. I
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: pretended like I was playing with a candle. I was like, abracadabra. Yeah,
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: because I'm not gonna tell him to get up, but like, sir,
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: you're not reading the room here. But if he was
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: a gentleman, I don't, listen, you can even sit here
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: and maybe chat with us, but don't be ridiculous. So
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: I'm very sympathetic to the fact that it's hard to
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: walk across a room and talk to a beautiful woman
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: about anything, or two beautiful women. But if you're gonna
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: interrupt us, have something to say.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Everybody needs to be trying here.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: Everyone needs to try. Give something. You're giving nothing. Give 1%.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: And if nothing else, just be kind.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: But also, the women are like, where are the good men?
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: And the good men are like, where are the... And
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, can we have a meet-up or something?
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: We're at home watching Netflix is what we're doing.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Meet in room 212, okay?
• 21:57
  Speaker 6: Like, every.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Everybody's saying the same things about where, I'm like, y'all,
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: they're out here.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: All these girls, they got kids.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yo, I got 50 girls I could call
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: right now, 35 and up, no children, never been married.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: What are y'all talking about? Like, I've seen these women.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: I have them in my friend group, and everybody's saying
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: the same thing.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Well, let's say the other part, too. The other part
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: is we have gotten away from dating within our lanes.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: There is not, you can't.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: I always say that everybody's not gonna get one, and
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: that is the hard part.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: Somebody. Say the quiet part, okay? Because there was a
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: time when you had to go and slay the other warriors, okay?
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: And then you were the biggest warrior, and then you
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: brought the heads to the king, and were like, I
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: would like to date your daughter. And he was like,
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: you can have that one, because he has proven his worth.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: And now the guy that was like, you know, shoveling
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: the poo in the stables is walking into the king
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: like I would like your daughter. And that's not how
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: it works. Now, sometimes the exception does happen. Right. Like
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: we were talking about earlier. But what I mean by that,
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: it's not about like looks or status or any of that.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: But like there is this illusion that you have access
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: to every single person. I get asked this a lot.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: Would you date a normal guy? I'm like, no, I'm
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: not a normal person. Does that mean I have to
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: have a billionaire or a millionaire? No. Most of the
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: men that I date make less money than me, are
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: very different than me. That's not the point. The point is,
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: why am I expected to change my entire life just
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: to have a man?
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I just had this. Let me see if he in
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: here first.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: I just had this dinner at the, I had this
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: conversation at dinner last night.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: And it was this guy.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: It goes deep. Let me see if he in here. Okay.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: So I think he ain't in here.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, y'all.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: So we were having this discussion at dinner. And this
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: guy was like, you know, I'm a six-figure earner. You know,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: I'm an engineer. Like, that's the problem. Y'all not looking
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: for the nerds. Y'all not looking for the nerds. Y'all
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: don't want the smart guy. You want the man that's
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: hustling with all the chains and.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: Blah, blah, blah.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I said, the only thing that the men that I've
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: had in common, the only one thing is these have
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: been very smart men, renegades, leader of the class. And
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: what happens is that you can tell, even when he
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: left the woman next to me, she was like, he's
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: kind of angry, he's kind of bitter.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: And it's like, no, it's not that. no woman wanted you,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: the woman.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: That you wanted was not, hey, that's really where the
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: resentment is. It's not that nobody wanted you because if
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: you would have dated the fellow nerd, if you would
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: have dated the plus size girl, if you would have
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: dated the girl that, you know, maybe wasn't, the girls
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: that you wanted were the ones that rejected you. But
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: it's not that nobody wanted you. You wanted a different
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: type of woman and that you got to pay to play.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: And that's the hard truth that nobody wants to discuss
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: is that the women that are in that caliber that
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: can get a different kind of man, they're going to
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: be looking for you to be financially stable. They're going
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: to be looking. And it's not just all these cool guys, right?
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Women loves men that are smart as well. They like
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: men that are providers. They like men that have provision.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: So it's all of these things, but it's this whole thing.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: He was like, see, that's the thing. I'm like, So
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: because you want somebody that's financially stable, that doesn't make
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: you a gold digger, right? Somebody that's financially stable has
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: shown that he can climb the ranks. He can get
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: a job. He can keep a job, right? He's a
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: smart guy. He went to school. He knows my father
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: was a blue-collar worker, right? So it just shows work ethic,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: and it's not just necessarily about finances because if Hurricane
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: whomever come and wipe out our house, Are you going
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: to call your mom and ask for diapers? Are you
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: going to be? No, we need to know how you
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: can produce. So it's not just about being a gold digger,
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: but I think that the resentment comes because the women
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: that they would want may not have been.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: But it's not that they're not wanted.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: No, I think it goes both ways. There's women who
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: are very delusional about the type of man that they
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: think they want or say that they want and what
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: comes with that. Like, okay, you want to date an athlete? Okay. Okay.
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: There's a lot that comes with that.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: And maybe there's an exception, but there's lots of rules
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: for that. Also, I know lots of smart drug dealers.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: What's he talking about? I mean, I don't know lots
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: of smart drug dealers. I just take that back. I
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: know some drug dealers that are smart. Lots is crazy. Yeah.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: That's a crazy thing to say.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: But I think that it's all just transferable.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: That smart men exist in every different. Form, but I
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: think it's like the resentment comes when the women that
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: you would necessarily want may not be accessible to you
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: right now because like oh This is what he said
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: last night y'all. He was like when I'm driving my
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: my Maserati That's when I'm driving my Camry. Nobody talks
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: to me when I'm and it's like well Yeah, Sarah
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: would talk to you, but Bianca probably won't right so
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: it's just like it's not that no one's anyone's being
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: shallow it's just the caliber of the woman and that
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: you may be looking for may not be attracted to this.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: It's just this whole thing, but yeah, everybody has to
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: play equal.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. We can be up here for hours. I have
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: so many more things I want to ask you about,
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: but we do a, would you rather on every two personal.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: So this one is going to be very specific to dating.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: Would you rather your partner still talk to their ex
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: or tell their mama everything about your relationship?
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Still talk to their ex or tell their mother everything? Ooh,
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: that's a hard one.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: No option three.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Look, if I, like, fast, like, quick answer, I think
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: I would prefer to tell their mother everything. And I
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: think that the ex thing, to me, is just, I
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: always say, you can't just, some things have to be intentional.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: I think that it's just bringing... trouble to the front door.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: There's absolutely no reason for you to still be talking
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: to and communicating with your ex, right? But I think
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: that in a healthy world, right, that I'm very big
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: on elders.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: I'm a southern girl. I'm from Chicago. All of my
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: family is from Mississippi. Just very southern roots.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: And I think that there's like a level of wisdom
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: and discernment that parents and people that have lived a little,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: my mother used to always say, I've been 36.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: You ain't been 62, okay?
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: That's what my mother used to say. And so I
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: feel like there's something around being, having lived a little
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: bit more, that I think that, it's like, why are
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: you talking to a peer, a colleague, a ex, or,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: you know, I just feel like that more could be
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: trouble in my relationship than, we're just gonna assume he's
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: seeking counsel, and so maybe that's a better idea.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: To seek counsel. I think probably the right answer is mother,
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: but I've never dated a mama's boy. It seems like
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: a nightmare.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I think either one is not ideal.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: No, this is why it's would you rather. They're not
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: good choices. You really have to think about it.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I'd rather you call your mama than call your ex.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it depends on the ex. Because, you know,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: technically speaking, some people have to speak to their exes
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: if they're, like, co-parenting and things like that. So I'm
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: trying to wiggle around this question.
• 29:14
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: But... Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm probably going ex because
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: I just can't, like, what if his mama's toxic?
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: That's worse than an ex. Oh, Lord. I had a
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: friend whose, her man's mom would come over to her
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: house and rearrange her furniture. in her home.
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Like she'd be like, where did this picture frame come from?
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: She's like, oh, I brought it. I think it looks
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: good here. Ma'am, this is my house.
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: I think I would rather that than be talking.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: It's like, do your ex got a man? Like, what
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: is she doing? Why do you want to talk to her?
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Why do you, yeah. You know, they always say, like,
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: if a man is intimate with a woman, that could
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: be smash and dash. It could be, it don't have
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: to be important. But if he calling this woman and
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: talking to her and pillow talking to her, that's more
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: so when you have a problem. And so I just
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: prefer not to be.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, call the mama first, call the mama.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: All right, well, this was so fun. Yes, it was.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: I've loved chatting with you. Before we wrap it, though,
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: we'll take a couple questions. If anyone wants to chat, Brantley?
• 30:32
  Speaker 6: I really love that question because I screened the work
• 30:36
  Speaker 6: with Rad.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: For about 24 hours.
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: Everybody used to only fly there.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Why do you feel like it's such a bad situation?
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Everything is for a season and I'm not sure what
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: your status is, but I think like when you're preparing
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: for like a wife or preparing for, you know, just
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: serious relationships, some things just are, it has to be shared, right?
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: Like I'm not going to intentionally, this is voluntarily, even
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: if it wasn't going to cause a problem, it's a
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: potential that it can cause a problem. And a lot
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: of times, and I'm not saying that this is you,
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: a lot of times we're carrying, oh, this is my ex,
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: it's no beef, but this man also ain't coming to
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: get you at 4 a.m. when your car broke down either.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: So it's like we're carrying these relationships just to have them,
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: but these are not actually valuable people, right? They're not
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: people that are going to help you. They're not people
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: that's helping you grow. So, like, why am I bringing
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: you into a relationship that I have, like, I think
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: we have to really start assessing people. No, these are
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: not people that are going to actually help you reach
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: your peak. They're not coming to your wedding. They're not
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: going to be there, right? Like, you know, so I
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: just feel like it's like voluntarily adding potential threats in
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: a relationship, and you have to just be very intentional.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like if you're going to get married,
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: if you're going to get engaged and take somebody seriously,
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: all these people are going to fall off anyway. I
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: also think that women have different emotional valves than men.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Like, men can date you... break up and see you
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: as a friend.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: But I think that women, it's not that you can't
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: be platonic with them, but they're still, we don't have
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: the same valves as them. So like to a man,
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: it's like this much, but to a woman, it's up
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: there with, you know, it's, it's still kind of something
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: sitting there. And I don't think we hold space emotionally
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: the way that men do. And it's not to say
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: that you still are in love with them or anything, right?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: But we just don't hold the same space emotionally as men.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: And I'm just like, girl, this man ain't gonna do nothing.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Like, it was great getting to know you. Thank you
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: so much for all you've done. But it doesn't mean
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: you have to go into my next chapter, especially when
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: you about to get that ring on your finger, girl.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: It's like, boy.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: Goodbye. Yeah, because they don't care.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: They don't care.
• 32:39
  Speaker 6: They don't care.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: They will bother you and mess that up.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: Any other questions for Tetsuya? Good, good. Go, go. Yeah,
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: go ahead. I'm just really curious. So I'm a married woman.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Are you married?
• 33:01
  Speaker 4: No, ma'am.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: And so do you find that people question that.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: Or you're giving this advice?
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: But that you are not, you haven't locked anybody down.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think people ask that all the time.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: They're like, oh, where's your husband? Where's your man? Where's your,
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: and I think that for me personally, a lot of
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: times I think that waiting has been one of the
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: best things that I've done. It doesn't take away from
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: what I know. It doesn't take away from my ability, right?
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: It doesn't take away from me ever meeting my partner.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: I think the more intentional you become, the more options
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: that you have, the more accessible that you become. And
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: I think that I've just been like really intentional. And
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: so to me, and this is not anything towards you,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: but I think that some of the other generations, they
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: have gotten married quicker and they have gotten married to
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: people that may not have been the right choice, right?
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Their marriages aren't as healthy.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: But as somebody that's young, somebody that is educated, somebody
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: that has really been intentional about my life, I think
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I have the tools that it takes to choose right
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: and choose right the first time, right, and it doesn't
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: mean that, again, like, anybody's marriages are bad, but I
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: think that, in my opinion, more married women should listen
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: to single women that were able to make choices with
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: more of a clear mind. I have a lot of
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: married women that are coaching, a lot of married women
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: that are in my chat, a lot of married women
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: that are in my community, and sometimes, you know, they're like, oh, well,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: I have a husband, but it's like, Maybe God didn't
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: tell you to choose that person, and so now you're
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: just making it kind of work. And so I think
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: that I just am living a great life, and when
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: I choose, it's going to be really good. But I
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: always use the example. For example, both of my parents
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: passed away. If I go to grief counseling, my therapist,
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: my grief counselor, she has both of her parents.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I still listen to her. I still accept her advice.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: I still think about her as an expert and a
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: thought leader in this space. So it's like, I don't
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: think you have to have lived that life to know
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: the baselines of dating patterns, how the human mind works.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: And so, yeah, those are what I think about that.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you for asking that question.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: It's a great.
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: Question.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: What would y'all take on interraciality?
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Ooh.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Well, my mother is white, so... I'm pro since I'm here. No,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: I think that when you are dating, you can have preferences,
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: but they should be based in character first and foremost.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: So sometimes you want to be with somebody who has
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: the same experiences than you. Like I have found when
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: I date white men, there are conversations that I can't
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: have with them because they have not had my experience.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: They haven't had the experience that a black man has had.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: And that's sometimes a real gap, like a spiritual gap,
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: a obviously like experience gap. And there's just certain things
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: that you can't explain to someone, but you know, not
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: to be cliche, but like love is love and I
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: think you can find a person in a lot of
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: different spaces and you should be looking for the character
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: of a person. That said, I love seeing black love
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: and that being celebrated in a healthy way and a
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: positive way. And I cannot stand when people do date
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: out of their race and treat that person, and let's
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: just say the quiet part, it's usually a white person,
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: as a prize, like they have achieved some sort of
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: status because they have a white woman, or an Asian
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: man has a white woman, or an Asian woman has
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: a white man, all across the board. You shouldn't be
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: putting other people down because you have some sort of
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: weird fetish thing going on. Like it's not like if
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: you're happy, I love that for you, but you didn't
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: do like better because you're with this person. Like no
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: one cares. Also, no one cares what you're doing. All right.
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: We are all living our own lives. Like you didn't
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: do anything special or original. So yeah, I mean, I
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: think you should love the people that you love, but
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: they should not be at the cost of anyone else's
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: experience and do not put, you know, don't put anyone
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: down because of it. Like, oh, well, black women won't
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: do this. So that's why I'm with a white woman or,
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean? Like that part, like you just,
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: you know, I really think corny is hereditary and incurable.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: So you can't, I mean, there's, what are you going
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: to say to a person like that? But yeah, that's
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: how I feel about it. What do you think? He's like, you?
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: You next? He did ask both of us.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: I mean, I am somebody that has spent all of
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: my college dollars studying black people, black culture, the black diaspora,
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: have a master's degree. in media theory and African diaspora studies.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: I just, I'm invested in black people, black culture, Africa.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: So that's just gonna be something that's personally, I'm just
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: very indebted to.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm not necessarily open to interracial dating. That's me.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not necessarily open to, I love black love. I
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: love black men.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: I love them. I love them.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: I love y'all.
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: I love black men. I love, I mean, I was
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: raised by black. I just love it. I'm a Chicagoan.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: It's a chocolate city.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: I just love black people. And I think that I've
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: spent just so much time. I always say, like, can
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: we get a team huddle? I hate the divide. I
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: hate the gender war. I hate us attacking each other.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: It's like, black men do this, women do this. And
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, can we all just get together and
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: just woosah and have a big huddle? I think that
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: I just personally, myself, am just invested in.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: The community and I think one of my best investments
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: myself is to marry a black man that's just me
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: like the best investment that I can make in my
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: life is to sow that back into the black community
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: and so that's what I plan that's what I plan
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: to do that's what I now God got a sense
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: of humor so if y'all see me out here like
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: girl I remember you on that ship and you said
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: that you was.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: Hey remember that time you said what happened to your
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: investment right.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Remember, don't pull this clip later on, about two years
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: from now, y'all, okay?
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: But that's what I plan to do, okay?
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: That's what I plan. We have one more in the back. Yeah,
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: you just have to talk loud, sorry.
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: So, I just want to make a point along those lines, is...
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: You know, I was in the dating pool for about
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: two years when I met my wife. I was divorced
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: and all this kind of stuff, and I met my wife.
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: But this idea that you, I love black women. I don't,
• 40:04
  Speaker 4: this crew has just been.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: Beautiful, right?
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: And I don't have to put anybody else down to
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: say that I love black women. There is just nothing
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: that another race can do for me. So I just
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: want to make that point. You all are beautiful. Keep
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: being beautiful. And I love it.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: We love you too. Yes, we do. Okay, one more.
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: As far as dating, with religion, if you meet someone
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: and you lead with religion, most of the time black women,
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: it can be intimidating.
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: I feel like.
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: You don't have to talk to me about your religion.
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: I should be able to see your religion in you.
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: And I've been married for 27 years to my wife.
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: And when we got married, she didn't intimidate me with
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: religion because you kind of feel like if someone says
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: to you, I won't even talk to you because you
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: don't believe in God, you're thinking to yourself, you kind
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: of feel kind of weird. Like this person don't even
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: think enough of me.
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: To speak to me.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Because I don't believe in God.
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: And it seems like.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: I won't speak to you. I just don't want you
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: to have a front row seat in my life.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: It could be intimidating, is all I'm saying.
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: It seems like... I was watching this show called Pop
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: the Balloon. And me and her watched it all the time.
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: And when I was watching Pop the Balloon, I said,
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: am I watching a dating show or am I going
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: to church? Because mostly all the women was asking these guys, hey...
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: What's your relationship with God? I'm like, it's a dating show.
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: I was intimidated for men on the show.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: The most important decision that you ever going to make,
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: and a lot of times we don't realize that when
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: you do choose, and let's just say it's not even
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: your fiance or your husband, right? I'm telling you that
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: I have a community of hundreds of women that made
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: a choice, a bad choice with a situationship, that it's
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: taken them two, three years to get over a man
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: they dated for eight months. I'm talking to women that
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: dated a man for a year, two, three years, had
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: his child, this man betrayed them, broke up with them, lied,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: had a second, all of these things. And so I
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: think it's actually more serious than we are panning it
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: out to be because I'm talking to these women every
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: single day. And so to me, it's like, I don't
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: have to disagree. It's not that I think less of you,
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: but I'm curating like the front row balcony of people
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: that I want to be in my life and I
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: want to date and spend intimate time with. And so
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: I think that people should actually run a tighter front
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: line than they are because it's costing them two, three,
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: four years off of their life because they made a
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: wrong decision with somebody that wasn't quite in alignment.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: With them, right?
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: So that's just my thoughts. It's not that you're not religious, right?
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: So I didn't say that I'm not willing to, you know,
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: grow in depth with you in terms of your spirituality,
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: but somebody that's just not really on that type of
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: time is just not the option for me.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: You know, yeah.
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: I do hear what you're saying, though. I think, for me,
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: my experience is I've had a variety of experiences with church, right?
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: Like I have a lot of opinions about organized religion
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: and where particularly Christianity is right now. It's very disappointing
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: to me because I feel like Christianity as a whole,
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: not individuals as a whole, it's become a safe place
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: for predators. I feel like there's a very low accountability
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: rate for people who are not living the word of God.
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: And I have the best example of, of a true
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: Christian conservative woman in my life, in my sister. She
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: was married at 19 to the only man she ever dated.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: She had her first kiss on the altar. She has
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: five children and two grandchildren. They are still together. She
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: is perfect. She is the best person on the planet.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: Like she, and she is an angel. She's never done
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: anything wrong in her entire life. I am the complete
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: opposite of her and she's never judged me. She cries
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: every time I leave her. So like, Y'all not on
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: her level. So you can't come to me with anything
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: less than that. And it's not that I expect people
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: to not lose their way or all these things, but
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: for me, if you're going to talk to me about
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: your faith, I better see your fruit. I better see
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: it in your works. I don't think of being a
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: godly person or a Muslim person or any of these things,
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: whatever you are, as performance art. As a title, I
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: feel like some people wear it as a thing like,
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: I'm good because see this. No, no, no. I need
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: to see you. I need to feel that you walk
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: in this light that you claim. And I just haven't
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: seen that very much, especially in dating. And it's almost
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: more offensive to me that you are holding up this religion,
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: this faith, as something that I should respect when you're
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: not living anything it preaches. And in fact, you're doing
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: more damage to me by representing yourself that way and
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: not walking in it. And I think one thing about
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: Christianity specifically that I have always struggled with is like,
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: there's so much emphasis on the next life and there's
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: not enough emphasis on doing things in this life, in
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: this reality where we can touch and feel that is
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: based in kindness and acceptance and being a good person.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: So for me, like, that's why when you, if I'm
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: talking to you in the first, like, two minutes, you're like, yeah,
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: and I'm at church, da-da-da. I'm like, I don't care.
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: I don't care. I will see. We'll see. We gonna see, okay?
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: Because I'm not going there with you, and we're gonna
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: see how you behave, right? Because according to you, he's
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: always watching. So, you know, that's my thing with it.
• 45:48
  Speaker 6: In a similar situation for him i've been married to
• 45:50
  Speaker 6: him for almost 24 24 years and um yeah but
• 45:54
  Speaker 6: i was dating this one guy but it was like
• 45:57
  Speaker 6: within the one or two dates and he said he
• 45:59
  Speaker 6: was an atheist and i knew that was a no-go
• 46:01
  Speaker 6: it was just a no-go it was and he was
• 46:03
  Speaker 6: a nice guy he was a really nice guy but
• 46:06
  Speaker 6: i just knew that that wasn't my path of what
• 46:09
  Speaker 6: i wanted to invest in but it wasn't the and
• 46:11
  Speaker 6: i agree with joy on this piece of he never
• 46:13
  Speaker 6: came to me of like oh you know i'm this
• 46:15
  Speaker 6: christian man i saw it in And it just showed,
• 46:18
  Speaker 6: it just, and that's how, who he is as a person, so.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: And I think too, just, I think the research has
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: shown like in the, probably five to ten years ago,
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: people would say that marriages are, people are divorcing because
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: of finances, finances, finances. As a market research, somebody that
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: has studied human behavior and love and relationships, now it's
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: not being in alignment. It's not the same person that
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: you met 20 years ago. There's a saying, men marry
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: women hoping that they'll stay the same. Women marry men
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: hoping that they'll change, right? And there's this thing where
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: it's like it's not finances anymore. It's not being in alignment.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: It's that when I met you, you were ambitious and
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: now you're not anymore. When I met you, you were
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: somebody that wanted to, you know, adore me and wanted
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: me to stay at home. And now you're like, girl,
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: you're going to get up and wear you and that
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: muumuu and that bonnet all the time. And it's like, well,
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: now we have an alignment issue. And I think that
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: if you focus more on the alignment up front. as
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: much as you can down to something as big of
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: a pillar as religion, that will help us out a
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: little bit. Just a little jump start. It's like, I
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: love Jesus. I want to go to church. I'm looking
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: for somebody that has a baseline. I didn't say you
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: had to be at the altar, but a baseline. So
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: fast forward five to ten years later, I have a
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: little bit less of a chance that this person is
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: going to completely switch up and turn out to be
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: somebody else. And so I think alignment is just really important.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: I agree with you. I think you should have non-negotiables
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: that you don't move off of. And if that is
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: something that is a very big part of your life,
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: then you should absolutely move as such. Because you're right,
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: it is the most important decision that you're going to make.
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: You're choosing someone to sign your life over to. Like,
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: that's crazy. It should be somebody that you have, you're
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: on the same page with those type of things. I
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: don't want children. And for a long time, I've had to,
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: it's been very hard for me to date, because even,
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: I'll meet someone who doesn't want kids, and then they're like,
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: but maybe, and now that I know you, I'm like, no.
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: Like it's pretty important that you understand I do not
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: want children. Like that's like not a thing you can
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: go back on. So pretty permanent decision. So yeah, I mean,
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: I think you should have really strong pillars for what
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: you want in a partner. It shouldn't be things like
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: you need a six pack or like, you know, what
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: kind of car they drive. Like there are things that
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: are really foundational that you shouldn't move off of. So
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: I totally agree on that.
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: And let me add to that, that it's not just
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: like the personal things, if I may. So I have
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: a few friends and one of them, for example, their
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: mom is in hospice. And so now the husband is like, hey,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: my mama coming to live in this house.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: And the wife is like, oh, oh, oh.
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: Also, one of the children is now a part of
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: the LGBTQIA community, and now the dad is like, what
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: the heck is this?
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: What's going on? It's alignment.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: It's these conversations about finances, about identity, about parents, about illness,
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: about to do us part, about what are you gonna
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: do when we do have a parent that's ailing? What
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: happens if my sister is on her last leg and
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: we need to bring her in? What happens when we
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: need to drive somebody to dialysis two, three, four times
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: a week?
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: Are you with that?
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: It's the alignment. We have to start having these conversations.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: You know, it's getting very hard when you're already with someone.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: It's really hard. Like, you have to be, you got
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: to be, and it was hard for them. It was
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: a really hard chapter for their marriage because you have
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: an elder living in your home. You have nurses coming
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: in and out. Yeah, it's, yeah, you have family wanting
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: to come visit that you don't necessarily get along with,
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: but it's their father too. And look, listen, it's for
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: the strong. Marriage is for the strong. It really is. Tasia,
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: this was amazing. Please let everyone know where they can
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: find you, where they can subscribe and watch and all
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: the things.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so Tasia, XVS, X as in xylophone, V as
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: in Victor, S as in Sam, Tasia, T-I-S-I-A. It's across
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: all socials, so TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, all of the things.
• 50:18
  Speaker 6: Awesome.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for joining us on Too Personal.
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: You can also check out Too Personal on Urban One Podcast.
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having us on Too Personal.
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: The Ship, this was an amazing experience. Thank you all
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: for coming out and for your great questions. Really appreciate it.
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: So make sure you subscribe to Too Personal on all
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: the social platforms, Too Personal Show. You can follow the
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: show on YouTube and, of course, listen on any podcast platform.
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: And thank you so much to Urban One. Let's all
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: go get a mimosa or a mocktail, if that's your thing. And, yeah,
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: it was so nice hanging with you, Tia.
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, join us.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: This was great.
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: This was great.