Latest / Cristy M. Diaz Podcast Conversations from the Heart / After the Overdose: Choosing Life After Loss with Lauren Griffin Rosario

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After the Overdose: Choosing Life After Loss with Lauren Griffin Rosario · Cristy M. Diaz Podcast Conversations from the Heart

0:34
[music]
0:39
Hi and welcome to another edition of our
0:41
heart-to-heart chats. Today I am zooming
0:45
in my dear friend Lauren Griffin
0:47
Rosario. Her and I met I don't want to
0:50
say how many years ago but quite a while
0:52
ago because we were both studying
0:54
education together at University of
0:56
Miami. And today she's opening up about
0:58
her journey about loving somebody
1:01
through their addiction, becoming a
1:03
single mom, and life after. Lauren,
1:06
thank you so much for joining us today
1:08
and sharing your story with us.
1:10
>> Thank you for having me. It's so good to
1:12
see you.
1:14
>> It's so great to see you. I don't want
1:16
to say how long it's been since we saw
1:18
each other last because then it would
1:20
just show evidence to our age. But once
1:23
upon a time, we did study elementary
1:27
education together at the University of
1:28
Miami. And that's how far back we go.
1:31
>> Just a couple years ago. [laughter]
1:34
>> So, what has life
1:36
>> like that long ago?
1:37
>> No, it really doesn't. It just feels
1:39
like yesterday. But how has life been
1:41
since then, Lauren?
1:44
>> It's been good. It's been good. Well,
1:46
you know, it has ups and downs, of
1:48
course, but um I guess this might show
1:51
my age. Um, my oldest daughter
1:56
is thinking about college already. She
2:00
when school starts this, well, this
2:02
coming month in August, she will be a
2:04
sophomore in high school. Gabriella,
2:07
>> that's crazy.
2:07
>> 16 in October.
2:10
It is crazy. It is crazy. So the last,
2:13
you know, 16 years have been being her
2:16
mommy, learning from her probably more
2:18
than she's learned from [laughter] me
2:20
and, you know, being a teacher. So
2:23
elementary education has become a big
2:24
part of my life even from then. Um, so
2:27
teaching for the past like 12 years. So
2:31
it's been pretty much kids are my life.
2:33
So,
2:34
>> and not so long ago, you expanded your
2:37
family as well with another little one.
2:39
>> Yes. Yes. Angelina, the baby of the
2:43
family. She's now 16.
2:45
>> Sweet.
2:46
>> So, she's doing so much now. She's
2:48
feisty and funny and the best.
2:50
[laughter]
2:52
>> That's amazing. Um, you shared with me
2:55
prior to joining us on our recording
2:58
today that the journey to get to her
3:00
16-month half birthday has not been an
3:02
easy one for you. Uh let's start back at
3:05
the beginning and please tell me how it
3:09
is that you met your husband.
3:12
>> So he was traveling. He was a carpenter.
3:16
Um he was very proud of his work. He
3:18
always liked to say that he was the best
3:20
and he would scrutinize other people's
3:21
work. We would go to hotels and he would
3:23
be looking at the work and he was just
3:25
very proud of his work. So he was
3:27
traveling and so his work brought him to
3:30
Florida and that's how our paths crossed
3:33
um in 2021 and so while he was here he
3:36
was in central Florida and we went on a
3:39
date he took me out and from there we
3:41
were kind of just together and so he
3:44
would come back to Florida any chance he
3:46
had and eventually I talked him into
3:48
kind of placing roots here and kind of
3:51
getting off the road.
3:54
And what was life like in your early
3:56
days of your relationship?
3:59
>> Um, they were really good. He was he was
4:02
just funny. Like he was a character and
4:04
I was just I just found his
4:06
idiosyncrasies so funny. So he was
4:09
Puerto Rican born in New York but he was
4:11
raised in Jacksonville, North Carolina.
4:14
So he had this twang and I had never
4:17
seen a Latino with like such a like a
4:19
twang in his voice and it was so funny
4:22
and he was kind he was kind of like OCD
4:25
about certain things like he always had
4:26
to have like his chapstick and he would
4:28
always brush his hair. He had those
4:29
waves so he'd always like brush his hair
4:31
a million times a day and um he showed
4:34
love through like food. He would always
4:36
be sure I ate and he'd ask, "Did you
4:38
like it?" And he um, you know, when we
4:42
would get coffee, even if we got the
4:43
same one, he would let me taste both and
4:45
I would get to pick the best one. And so
4:48
he just did little sweet things that you
4:50
know um little things like when you look
4:53
back that seemed silly are the ones the
4:56
things that you miss.
4:57
>> Of course. Of course. Was there any
5:00
signs that he was battling addiction
5:02
early on in your relationship?
5:06
So to an extent he was open about his
5:09
past. He did have a past um of being
5:13
incarcerated. He did tell me that he had
5:15
struggled with addiction, but he did not
5:19
tell me
5:20
that it was kind of current. So I was
5:24
more under the impression that he had
5:26
some
5:27
recovery under his belt, so to speak. So
5:30
I thought that he had been clean for a
5:32
long time. I thought that maybe he had
5:34
been working a program and that he
5:37
wasn't it wasn't necessarily something
5:39
that he was current I didn't think that
5:42
he was like an active addiction. What I
5:44
didn't realize was that I guess it looks
5:47
different for everyone and that he was
5:50
able to go long periods of time with not
5:53
using but then he would go on binges and
5:57
then again he would repeat the cycle. So
5:59
he would binge, binge, binge, binge,
6:00
binge, but then he could go months
6:02
without using. So I guess to an extent I
6:04
was naive and didn't realize that that
6:07
could be a pattern of use. I just
6:09
thought that if you were an active
6:12
addiction that it was like all day,
6:14
every day you were using like you could
6:16
tell. And so I didn't know until there
6:22
was a point where
6:24
there was a night where he disappeared.
6:26
I didn't hear from him. And then I
6:28
started to recognize his patterns of
6:30
when he would go use.
6:33
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Enjoy. And this at this point, were you
6:53
already married? Was it easy for him to
6:56
conceal in the early days of your
6:58
relationship?
7:01
>> So, it was easier towards the beginning
7:03
of our relationship when we were just
7:05
dating because he was traveling. So,
7:07
when he was traveling, he was kind of
7:09
left to his own devices. So, he had
7:13
access to travel. So, he was away. He
7:16
kind of didn't really have to answer to
7:18
anybody. And so I wouldn't necessarily
7:22
think anything of what he was doing, but
7:26
I knew I started to recognize some of
7:28
the behaviors. So he was pretty good
7:30
with communication, but he did not like
7:33
to communicate with anyone, not just me.
7:35
He didn't like to communicate with
7:36
anyone when he was using. I think it was
7:38
a sense of not only not wanting to have
7:42
to answer to someone, but also a sense
7:44
of like he didn't want anyone to see him
7:47
that way or to hear him that way. So, I
7:51
think even when he was in active use, he
7:53
felt a sense of embarrassment.
7:57
So, he really he would kind of disappear
8:00
from the world.
8:02
And so I think that was part of what
8:06
drove me to push him to leave being on
8:08
the road and traveling for work. I think
8:11
in a sense I thought well maybe if he's
8:15
home all the time
8:18
that will help with the problem but
8:21
really sure problems can follow you and
8:24
they did. So even when he left and he
8:28
was home all the time there were still
8:30
problems. So, you know, he could still
8:33
find ways to use here. Um, it would be
8:36
the same pattern of I wouldn't hear from
8:39
you.
8:41
I couldn't count on you to say what to
8:43
do what you said you would do. You would
8:45
disappear with the car. You would, you
8:47
know, just all the things that come with
8:50
addiction and not being able to rely on
8:52
that person because they're in the
8:54
disease, they're in the addiction. And
8:57
so,
8:58
>> you know, it's hard because they find a
9:01
reason to use. If they're doing really
9:03
well,
9:05
they feel like they can reward themsel.
9:07
Well, I've been doing so well. If
9:08
they're struggling, well, I'm really
9:10
struggling, so I need to feel better.
9:13
And he even told me that himself, like
9:15
that was his thought process.
9:17
>> Right. Right. How did that impact his
9:20
relationship with your firstborn from
9:23
your previous relationship with Gabby?
9:28
That was really difficult because I
9:30
think initially
9:32
Gabby was hopeful. I think she wanted to
9:36
have a bond with him. I think she wanted
9:40
to have a strong relationship with him.
9:42
But then he let her down. And a lot of
9:45
people have let her down.
9:48
And so I think once things started to
9:53
get worse and she kind of
9:58
saw things like, you know, you try to
10:00
shield your kids, but she's smart.
10:03
>> Yeah.
10:04
>> And she's aware, you know, even though I
10:07
tried to clean up a lot of messes behind
10:08
the scenes, she was still aware of a lot
10:11
of things. And
10:13
I think she wanted me to leave sooner
10:17
than I did.
10:19
>> Right. So So
10:22
let me backtrack a little bit. Um I'm
10:24
assuming that he went through
10:27
uh a time of sobriety when you first got
10:30
married and though those were good times
10:33
for you.
10:37
And then I know you were very hesitant.
10:39
Although you were dying to become a mom
10:41
again, you were also hesitant. Can you
10:44
tell us why?
10:47
>> Yes. So
10:50
I I wanted so badly to have another
10:53
baby. Um, but I also told him
11:00
that I didn't want to do this by myself
11:02
again because for the most part with
11:05
Gabby, it was just her and I which
11:07
created a very special bond. We were
11:10
like the Gilmore girls. we you know the
11:12
best of friends and also mother and
11:14
daughter and so which is very special
11:17
and
11:19
>> in a sense I'm very very grateful for
11:21
that and the the time that we shared
11:23
together
11:24
>> but I also
11:26
was not blind to the struggles that came
11:30
with it and so I told him I was like
11:33
listen I I want this so badly but I also
11:36
don't want to do this all by myself
11:38
again
11:40
so we have to both be in this.
11:44
And he always had a way of making me
11:47
feel like everything was going to be
11:49
okay.
11:51
And it's always that cliche of when
11:54
things were good, they were so good.
11:58
And I think that's what always drew me
12:00
back is that when they were good, they
12:03
were so good.
12:05
>> Sure. Sure. So
12:09
you your prayers are answered and you're
12:13
expecting you and Junius were expecting.
12:16
What was he feeling in that moment to
12:18
find out he was going to be a father
12:19
again?
12:21
>> He was really excited and then um into
12:26
the pregnancy we decided we wanted to
12:28
find out what we were having. So we went
12:31
together and we found out we were hoping
12:33
for a girl
12:35
and so we found out that we were having
12:37
a girl and we were really really excited
12:39
and so um and we already knew the name
12:42
would be Angelina after his late mom. So
12:45
Angelina is named in honor of his mother
12:47
who had passed when he was very little
12:49
when he was very young. Um, so we knew
12:52
we were going to have our Angelina.
12:54
And so we were very very excited, but
12:57
then
12:59
um in October everything shifted again.
13:03
>> And how far along were you in your
13:05
pregnancy at this point?
13:06
>> So I found out that I was expecting
13:08
Angelina in June and then in October was
13:11
when we hit a really, really rough
13:14
patch. So I was about four months
13:15
pregnant.
13:19
Can [snorts] you share with us a little
13:21
about what that turning point was like
13:23
for you in October?
13:25
>> Yes. So, we had gotten married in March
13:31
and from there we were doing pretty
13:33
well. There was kind of a tough point in
13:36
August. So then after that I was like,
13:40
listen, we really need to buckle down.
13:44
So he came home, he was doing really,
13:46
really well. We found out we were having
13:47
a girl. He was working, you know, in
13:50
town. He was like doing extra side jobs.
13:53
He was doing really well. But then one
13:57
night he went out and he was supposed to
13:58
be doing, you know, he was supposed to
14:00
be working. But it started to get late
14:03
and I got nervous.
14:06
>> Sure. I started to not hear from him
14:10
and I worried and I knew what it meant
14:13
because
14:15
I just recognized those behaviors. I
14:17
just knew, okay, he's not going to come
14:19
home.
14:22
So, I was like, well, what can I do? And
14:26
at the time,
14:28
we only had one car that was functional.
14:31
He was using it. I was like, okay, well,
14:33
I'm probably going to have to call out
14:34
of work. So, I had to call out of work.
14:36
Gabby couldn't go to school. Um, you
14:39
know, I'm pregnant. I'm worrying about
14:41
him because, you know, you always,
14:42
sorry, you never know how it's going to
14:44
end up. I knew that trying to take money
14:46
out of my account. Like, I could kind of
14:49
track what he was doing. And then he
14:51
finally comes home. And of course, it's
14:53
the usual. He was apologetic.
14:56
And I just I wasn't having it. I just
15:03
I had had enough. at that point and
15:06
>> he had he had been apologetic but then
15:08
it reached the point where it escalated.
15:11
So he started to get angry also. I I
15:15
will own my part. I did say some
15:16
terrible things. He started to get
15:18
angry. Um
15:20
>> I decided that I wanted to leave. He
15:24
started to get angry. He didn't really
15:28
want me to leave. So it kind of became
15:30
this like back and forth. um of this
15:35
yelling. I won't go into too much
15:37
detail, but police were called, my
15:41
parents were called, um the neighbors
15:44
could, you know, hear things, and it was
15:47
probably the one time that I actually
15:50
felt
15:53
like it wasn't a safe environment for
15:54
Gabby and I. It was pro like I never
15:57
before I never felt
15:59
unsafe,
16:00
>> endangered,
16:01
>> right? I had never really felt that
16:03
before. I may have felt like unsettled
16:06
or nervous or worried, but this was
16:08
actually where I was like, I just don't
16:10
want to be here. We can't be here. And
16:13
so my parents came and got us and we
16:17
just went to their house and he stayed
16:19
at the apartment. He kept the car and we
16:22
just left. And so we started to slowly
16:25
go and get things from the apartment. I
16:27
was like, "Well, he can just stay there.
16:28
I I just want to be out of there." And
16:31
um eventually he left and he went to
16:34
Jacksonville.
16:38
>> And so at that point you had me you're
16:40
three or four months pregnant
16:44
and um you went on those months pretty
16:48
much with him at a distance. So you're
16:51
back where you didn't want to be which
16:53
was a single mom pregnant again.
16:56
Correct.
16:59
How is your pregnancy this time around
17:01
with this situation that you're in?
17:05
You're listening to the Heart-to-Heart
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listening.
17:27
Um,
17:30
it was difficult and then it was also
17:32
physically it was kind of challenging
17:34
just because with Gabby I was in my
17:36
early 20s with Angelina I was in my late
17:38
30s so it was just different. So it was
17:44
I was more tired um and they it was so
17:48
much more monitoring. They love to throw
17:50
around the term advanced maternal age.
17:53
Okay guys, thank you so much
17:55
>> for your late 30s.
17:57
>> I was like, "Thank you so much and
17:59
please don't call me Jerry." I was
18:00
[laughter] like, "Please don't call me
18:01
>> a geriatic
18:05
saying that." Um, so they had to monitor
18:08
and um, so it was difficult and it was
18:12
hard because you know you have to keep I
18:14
mean I thank God because it kept me
18:17
going like I was still really looking
18:19
forward to Angelina and I still had
18:21
Gabby to take care of. So it was like I
18:23
had to keep pushing forward
18:26
even though things were kind of just so
18:29
up in the air. There was so much going
18:31
on. And it was like I went through like
18:34
three different doctors and I had all
18:37
these issues with Junius and there was
18:39
just so much going on. But I just had to
18:42
find saving graces where I could.
18:44
>> Of course. And at this point was Junius
18:48
aware of your dayto-day with your
18:50
pregnancy or did you um choose at that
18:54
point to build a wall of communication
18:56
or lack of communication I should say?
19:00
We really didn't communicate much. Um
19:04
I think so we had separated in October.
19:07
I think it was around November that I
19:09
tried to go to Jacksonville, Florida. Um
19:12
where he had been staying and I was
19:14
trying to get the car from him. So I
19:18
went up there and he never showed.
19:22
And so that was like another
19:24
disappointment. And it was so
19:26
embarrassing because um it was with a
19:30
gentleman my dad knows from the airport.
19:32
My dad is retired police and he works at
19:34
the airport security and there was a
19:37
driver that brought me up there to
19:40
Jacksonville
19:42
and he tal he took me to this terri this
19:45
really rough neighborhood and we're
19:46
there waiting for Junius to bring his
19:48
car. He never showed and then he's like
19:50
okay Lauren I'll meet you at Walmart. We
19:52
went there. He sent me on like a wild
19:54
goose chase and he never showed. And so
19:57
then I had to like tell my parents
20:00
another story about Junius dropping the
20:03
ball and then in front of my dad like a
20:06
man my dad knows from work had to come
20:08
back without the car and just say like
20:12
I'm so sorry like another embarrassment.
20:14
Like I felt like I was always trying to
20:17
advocate for Junius and I was always
20:18
trying to say, "Oh, no, no." Like
20:20
throughout like our relationship, always
20:22
trying to cover and clean up messes and
20:24
hide things and fix things and there
20:26
just came a point where I I just
20:28
couldn't. Like he had to do it for
20:30
himself.
20:31
So I really
20:33
there was a point where I just really
20:35
didn't want to communicate. he was
20:36
trying to communicate, but I was very
20:39
apprehensive.
20:42
>> And
20:43
as Angelina's birth date um loomed
20:47
closer and closer, was he aware of her
20:52
arrival date? Was he aware or trying to
20:56
be a part of her arrival date?
21:01
I would give him information,
21:04
but it was kind of minimal.
21:07
It was kind of like just
21:10
updates on how she was doing, like how
21:12
doctor's appointments went. Um,
21:16
it was I don't want to say it was
21:17
formal, but it wasn't as warm and fuzzy
21:20
as maybe it would have been if we were
21:22
on better terms.
21:24
>> Right. So, what did um her delivery day
21:28
look like then?
21:31
>> So,
21:32
Junius really really wanted to be there
21:35
and he really wanted to reconcile things
21:38
and
21:39
I was on the fence. I know how badly he
21:42
wanted to be there, but I just felt like
21:45
I didn't know if I could rely on him at
21:48
that point. He was in sober living. and
21:50
I didn't know if he could get there in
21:52
time. And you know, my family had really
21:56
been my backbone through all of this.
21:58
And
21:58
>> sure,
21:59
>> she was like, I can't I didn't want to
22:01
have some sort of issue at the hospital
22:03
where, you know, this is the first time
22:05
where my mom would see my aranged
22:08
husband. And I wanted it to be a
22:10
beautiful day.
22:11
>> And it it ended up being a challenging
22:14
day. beautiful in the end, but
22:16
challenging because um that day I knew
22:19
something was wrong. Angelina had always
22:21
been really, really, really active and
22:24
that day she wasn't. And I was like, "Oh
22:26
my gosh." You know, I I tried to drink
22:29
lemonade. I was like, "Oh, maybe the
22:31
sugar will get her to, you know, move
22:32
around." I was past my due date. I was
22:35
like, "Oh my goodness, I need to go in."
22:37
So, initially, they were going to induce
22:40
me, but they didn't think her poor
22:42
little heart could take it. So then they
22:44
decided that it was time to have an
22:45
emergency C-section. So um thank God,
22:49
grace of God, she was fine. My mom was
22:51
there to support me and she came into
22:54
the world. She was tiny but so so
22:56
mighty. She was six pounds with bright
22:58
red hair. Um which just I swear keeps
23:01
getting redder and longer and she's just
23:03
beautiful and fiery. And [laughter]
23:06
>> that's amazing. That's amazing.
23:11
uh when he went through rehab and sober
23:14
living um was there any glimmers of hope
23:17
that perhaps he could be a part of her
23:19
life again and yours?
23:23
>> There were. Um,
23:26
I was proud of him when he started to
23:28
say like he would hit milestones and he
23:31
would get like you know the coins and he
23:35
was telling me that he would take on
23:36
leadership roles in the meetings and
23:40
he told me the biggest thing was he told
23:42
me that he was praying
23:45
>> which you are such a woman of faith as
23:47
long as I've known you've always been.
23:51
So are um was this something that he was
23:54
not a man of faith before or I should
23:57
say he wasn't uh religious or he didn't
23:59
have a faith that he practiced?
24:02
>> He did not. So when we met um he
24:05
described himself as agnostic so he was
24:09
kind of like well I don't really know.
24:11
But then there were times where we would
24:14
get into arguments because he would say
24:17
that it was like nonsensical. It was
24:18
stupid to believe. It was stupid to
24:20
pray. And I was like, "How can you say
24:22
that?" Because he had told me about his
24:25
life and all that he had been through.
24:27
And I was like, "How do you think you've
24:30
made it this far?" I was like, "It's by
24:34
the grace of God you made it this far. I
24:36
can't believe you don't believe in
24:37
anything." And so from going through
24:40
treatment, he told me that he was
24:42
praying. And I was like, at first I
24:45
didn't believe him, but he was like,
24:46
"No, no, I'm really praying." And that
24:48
was in the last few months of his life,
24:50
which I do find some comfort in that he
24:54
found God before the end of his life.
24:58
So without getting into the future yet,
25:02
I'd love to ask you how uh Junius
25:05
reacted to meeting his daughter for the
25:07
first time. Did he meet her at the
25:09
hospital or once you left?
25:12
>> He met her once um I left. I thought
25:15
that it would be best for some time to
25:18
pass. I was like, "Well, let me heal a
25:20
little bit. Let everything get settled."
25:22
You know, I was sending her pictures. He
25:23
was in love already. Um, and you know,
25:26
he was being so sweet. And I think with
25:29
the euphoria of having a new baby, I was
25:33
being a little soft and, you know, I was
25:35
more open to reconciling. And so we were
25:39
talking more regularly and kind of like
25:42
we had before um everything had
25:45
happened. And so a couple weeks after
25:48
she was born, he started to come and
25:50
visit us more regularly. And so we would
25:52
go and have family days and you know, we
25:55
would take pictures and you know, she
25:57
had her first visit with the Easter
25:58
Bunny and we all took a picture together
26:00
and
26:02
you know, it was just really cute. and
26:04
he would go shopping and he would just
26:06
buy like little sneakers for her and
26:08
little outfits and he was just so
26:09
excited to the way like she would just
26:11
look at him and he would look at her and
26:13
he was just always so excited to to hold
26:15
her and take care of her. And
26:17
[clears throat]
26:18
>> were there moments at that moment in
26:21
time that you felt like perhaps Angelina
26:24
was healing Junius?
26:28
>> I think so. I think
26:33
that there
26:35
I think he was hopeful
26:38
that she would be his second chance. He
26:41
has grown children and I know that he
26:44
made a lot of mistakes because he
26:45
struggled with addiction from
26:49
really early on in his life. show even
26:51
when when they were little and they're
26:53
adults now and some of them have
26:55
children
26:56
>> and so I think that you know Angelina
27:00
was a fresh start you know she was she
27:02
didn't know
27:03
>> she didn't know about
27:05
anything she was just a baby that you
27:07
know
27:08
>> right
27:10
so for the most part in her first
27:15
right in in the first months with
27:18
Angelina or weeks with Angelina Yeah. Uh
27:21
you guys were all in this baby bubble as
27:24
I like to call it.
27:26
>> Yes.
27:27
>> Uh did did that bring you and Junius
27:29
closer again?
27:32
Did it did it was really nice because
27:37
I had never really had that before where
27:40
it was, you know, I was able to spend
27:43
time,
27:44
you know, with the father of my child
27:47
and like we were able to laugh about
27:49
things that she did and, you know, spend
27:52
time together and like, you know,
27:54
looking look at her features and, you
27:57
know, just be together like a family. I
28:00
never really had that. So, it was nice.
28:04
It was nice to do that. Even if it was
28:06
for like short periods of time, it was
28:09
nice to do that.
28:11
>> Uh, can you share with us what your last
28:13
conversation with Junius was like?
28:16
>> Yes. So
28:20
while we were navigating life together
28:23
but apart, we were trying to figure out
28:27
if, you know, we should stay married, if
28:31
you know, I had was trying to figure,
28:35
you know, where are we going with this?
28:36
And so is he. And,
28:40
you know, I had some some conditions and
28:42
some terms that I really needed him to
28:44
follow. and
28:47
I was concerned. And our last
28:49
conversation, I told him, I don't want
28:51
anyone else. I do want our family, but
28:54
this is what I need from you. So, I need
28:55
you to decide what you would like. And
28:58
so, we had been texting. And so, he
29:00
called me and he said, "Well, I want
29:03
that, too, and we're going to figure it
29:04
out one way or another." And that was
29:07
the last time we spoke.
29:11
what happens in the days that followed.
29:16
>> So, we spoke on a Wednesday night and he
29:20
was supposed to come see us on Thursday.
29:23
So, he had
29:25
been traveling. He recently got a
29:27
traveling job. Um, he had left Sober
29:30
Living. So this was all so
29:34
in May I think he got the traveling job
29:37
he moved and then so at this point it
29:39
was June
29:41
so June 12th was the last time he spoke
29:43
June 13th he was supposed to come and
29:45
visit us and I didn't hear from him and
29:48
I was like like why like why are you
29:52
doing this?
29:54
So, you know, I was so angry and he was
29:58
like, you know, rage texting and I was
30:02
like, you know, why why wouldn't you
30:03
come see us? Like, we got you Father's
30:06
Day gifts. And, you know, and so then
30:10
more time passed. I started to reach out
30:12
to his job, to his, you know, his former
30:16
housemates at sober living. I was trying
30:19
to figure out if anybody had heard from
30:21
him. Nobody had heard from him.
30:24
So then I was like, well,
30:27
is he just is this just his usual MMO of
30:32
using and not speaking to anybody? Like
30:35
I knew his address, but I didn't know
30:38
who his roommate was. It's like gh I
30:41
don't want to have to drag a baby up
30:43
there and go look for him.
30:46
So another day passed, the 14th came.
30:52
I didn't hear from him.
30:54
And looking back, I probably should have
30:57
known that something was wrong because I
31:00
saw a cardinal. And I was like, "Oh, I
31:03
wonder who's visiting."
31:06
So later that night, oh,
31:10
I still haven't heard from him. So I
31:13
called um the Jacksonville Police
31:16
Department
31:18
um to do a welfare check. I called the
31:20
non-emergency line and I told them the
31:24
situation. I told them the address and
31:28
you know that I was concerned. So they
31:32
said that they would go to the address
31:33
and that they would look into it to see
31:35
if he was okay.
31:37
My hope was
31:40
that he was either there using or that
31:42
he was out using.
31:45
Um, a lot of time passed or it felt like
31:48
a lot of time and then I got a phone
31:51
call from a detective. He worked for a
31:56
special unit um for the Jackson
31:58
Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. They
32:00
investigate overdose deaths.
32:04
Um,
32:05
they had found Genius deceased.
32:08
He was there at his home. Um they
32:12
believed that I was the last person he
32:13
had spoken to. Um and that he had been
32:17
there since and um they believed that it
32:20
was accidental. There was no note or
32:22
anything like that and they had found
32:24
drugs and drug paraphernalia and that
32:27
they were going to investigate his death
32:29
and um order to try to um prosecute the
32:34
people that supplied the drills.
32:36
>> Lauren, I'm so sorry.
32:39
I'm so sorry. I know that um whoever it
32:43
was that called you that day, the
32:45
detective, you actually found a lot of
32:47
comfort in him. Uh can you share uh how
32:51
it was that he comforted you?
32:55
He was just um so kind because at times
32:59
like that you just have so many
33:01
questions and I think that there's a
33:04
sense of guilt and there's a sense of
33:06
denial and he was just very patient and
33:10
very kind with me because
33:13
I I asked well you know if I had called
33:16
sooner would he would he have made it?
33:19
Um, you know,
33:22
cuz these are questions I still ask
33:24
like, what if I called sooner? Was, you
33:27
know, did he suffer? Was, you know, was
33:29
he scared? And he just said that, you
33:32
know, Lauren, you have to keep moving
33:34
forward. You can't focus on that. And
33:37
um, you know, I think part of me then
33:40
was kind of in denial and I was like, I
33:42
would ask silly questions like logically
33:45
I knew it was Judas. She was like, he
33:48
was found in his apartment. His license
33:50
was there. They, you know, logically I
33:54
knew, but I had to ask questions. I was
33:57
like, well, you know, my husband always
33:58
wore flip-flops in the shower. Was this
34:01
gentleman wearing like flip like just
34:03
silly questions because your I think
34:05
your mind tries to find comfort and
34:08
tries to deny
34:10
the truth. and he was so sweet and
34:13
answered every question whether it was
34:15
rational or irrational and he was just
34:17
so kind and he walked me through the
34:19
steps and he really helped me and so I
34:22
really appreciated that and um you know
34:25
he just he really helped me a lot and I
34:29
was just so grateful that it was him
34:31
that made the phone call. Of course, he
34:33
prefers to do things in person, but
34:34
because we were so far, he made the
34:37
phone call. And I just appreciated him
34:39
that even though it was via phone, he
34:41
was still so comforting.
34:43
There's something there's a statement
34:45
that you made to me the first time that
34:48
we spoke about Junius's passing, and
34:51
that is that everybody deserves to die
34:54
with dignity. even if you had had an
34:58
accidental overdose
35:01
or uh passed in a way, you know, that
35:04
wasn't um natural. Can you speak more to
35:08
that?
35:11
>> I think that was one of the things that
35:15
was so hard with his passing was knowing
35:18
that
35:21
he was there and he was by himself and
35:24
he was
35:25
He was on the back and fort for two days
35:28
I am song
35:30
and
35:34
it just broke my heart because
35:37
I just feel like he deserved better
35:42
and I know
35:44
that a lot of times people
35:49
sorry
35:51
it's okay take your
35:55
when they struggle when they struggle
35:56
with addiction, they get villainized.
36:00
And they do they do a lot of messed up
36:01
stuff. I I will not romanticize a lot of
36:05
the things that my husband did.
36:08
But I still
36:11
wish
36:14
that at the end of the life, at the end
36:16
of his life, he was not alone and that
36:19
he was not there for two days.
36:21
And I think
36:25
that's something that I'll struggle with
36:26
because
36:29
there's so many questions and I think
36:30
that's was so hard
36:33
when he initially passed. I don't think
36:35
it was that I was so suspicious of the
36:38
circumstances. I think it was just there
36:40
were so many questions that I couldn't
36:41
answer. Like
36:44
I don't know how quickly things
36:47
transpired. And I hate I don't mean to
36:48
be graphic. I just, you know, and I
36:51
don't know if he was scared. I don't
36:53
know if he was cognizant of what was
36:55
happening. And I just, you know, sad
36:58
that he was there. And I, you know, I
37:01
just I think everybody deserves better.
37:05
I admire you so much for your bravery
37:08
and your courage in sharing your story
37:11
with us because I think that addiction
37:16
and accidental overdoses are something
37:19
that are still not spoken about
37:24
openly. I think that they're still
37:26
considered taboo and it could happen to
37:30
anybody. it could knock on any household
37:33
door.
37:35
And um the fact that you're coming
37:38
forward with the story and showing that
37:40
it can happen to anybody
37:42
is just proof of
37:46
it. It it does happen and and there has
37:50
to be more awareness for it. And I know
37:53
that you've been doing your part in
37:55
keeping Junius's memory alive and
37:57
raising awareness. Can you tell us what
38:00
that is?
38:02
>> Um, well, after
38:05
he passed, I've just been hyper aware of
38:08
different organizations and different
38:10
events that, you know, helped to spread
38:13
awareness and help to honor those who
38:15
have lost their battle um with substance
38:18
use. And one of the organizations that I
38:22
really love that are local to Valuchia
38:24
County is [snorts] the Valuchia Recovery
38:26
Alliance. I'm actually wearing one of
38:28
their shirts. It says end overdue. End
38:30
overdose. Um it's purple, which is the
38:33
color for overdose. Last year we
38:36
attended um an annual event that they
38:39
have. It's called Keeping Hope over
38:41
Overdose Awareness and Remembrance Day.
38:43
And so we went and it was a really
38:46
really beautiful event. Um they have
38:49
different vendors and they the best part
38:52
was though that you could purchase a
38:54
sign in honor of a loved one that um
38:57
lost a battle with addiction um due to
39:00
an overdose and they had it around this
39:02
beautiful lake and they just did
39:04
different events to to honor their
39:07
memory and they had like activities for
39:09
kids. We actually made a sweet little
39:12
tie-dye shirt for Angelina. She was only
39:14
a few months at the time, but this year
39:16
we're going to go to the event that
39:17
they're hosting and she's going to wear
39:19
it in honor.
39:21
>> Oh, that's so sweet. [laughter]
39:24
Buenos Das or Buenosades. This is the
39:27
Heart-to-Heart podcast [music]
39:28
for Heartful Living. My name is Betty
39:30
Balitos. I am also known as Miss Betty.
39:33
And for all the [music] parents and
39:35
teachers out there looking for a fun,
39:37
simple, easy way to make learning
39:39
engaging and fun, check out my
39:41
workbooks, By the Books, on Amazon and
39:44
through my website. Here you'll [music]
39:45
find workbooks that are created in order
39:48
to make learning engaging and fun, but
39:50
also easy for [music] you to implement.
39:52
See you around.
39:54
They just do a lot to support people in
39:57
recovery and to spread awareness. They
39:59
also hand out tons of Narcan, which is a
40:04
name brand for Nlloxxone, which is
40:06
something that can be used if someone is
40:09
overdosing. Um, it only works if they're
40:12
overdosing as a drug that is considered
40:13
an opioid. So like fentanyl, heroin,
40:17
things like that. So for Junius, this
40:19
would have not been beneficial. He died
40:21
of cocaine intoxication. So this would
40:23
not have helped him, but in a lot of
40:25
instances, it would. So, if somebody is
40:27
overdosing on a drug that's considered
40:29
an opioid, this would be helpful. Um,
40:33
for Junius, it would not have helped
40:36
him. But what would have helped him was
40:39
if he was not alone. So, a lot of times
40:42
when people use, they are alone, which
40:46
is just a big risk factor. Other risk
40:48
factors include if you're mixing drugs,
40:52
if you're drinking, if you've been in
40:54
recovery for a long time, but you're
40:55
relapsing. So, our hope is, of course,
40:59
that people will get clean and recover.
41:02
But there is there are resources, too.
41:05
If you are using alone, there is a
41:07
website called neveruse alone.com
41:11
and there are peers there that you can
41:13
give your information to. If you're
41:16
using and is not to get you in trouble,
41:19
it's just so that they have your
41:21
information and if you're using and they
41:24
stop hearing from you, they will send
41:26
EMS in case just to make sure that you
41:29
are not overdosing or having any sort of
41:31
complications. A lot of the people that
41:33
volunteer um identify as either people
41:36
that are in recovery or even active drug
41:39
users or moms that have lost their
41:41
children to overdose. It is just a like
41:44
a risk reduction program to try to help
41:46
people and meet them where they are
41:48
because too many people are being lost
41:52
to overdose and we just need to get the
41:54
word out there because
41:57
like you said it is taboo but it's
42:00
happening. I go to these events and I
42:03
see all these beautiful faces on signs.
42:05
It's happening
42:08
>> and beautiful families there too keeping
42:10
their their story alive and their legacy
42:13
alive as well.
42:16
>> Um Lauren, another valuable piece of
42:19
information that you shared with me
42:20
which I actually didn't know about is
42:23
that you can call your local police
42:25
department and ask for wellness checks.
42:28
>> Yes. Yes. Um, and it could be for
42:31
anything. Like if you have a friend you
42:33
haven't heard from, if they have, you
42:35
know, mental health issues or an elderly
42:38
neighbor or anyone that you're concerned
42:40
about that you maybe haven't heard from
42:42
or you haven't seen in a while. Um, all
42:45
you have to do is call the local police
42:48
department, the non-emergency line, and
42:50
you can say that you want a wellness
42:51
check or a welfare check, and you just
42:54
give them some information, and they
42:56
will go and make sure that that person
42:57
is okay. And um usually they will follow
43:00
up if you want to follow up and they'll
43:03
let you know what's going on and
43:05
hopefully everything's okay and they'll
43:08
give you good news and a good update.
43:11
>> That's amazing information. Has um how
43:15
has your faith helped you rebuild and
43:18
what will you tell Angelina about her
43:21
dad as she gets older?
43:23
>> Um my faith has helped me a lot. I
43:26
actually
43:28
had stepped away not from my faith but
43:30
from church for a little while. Um, and
43:34
after Junius died, I I won't lie, I was
43:37
angry with him.
43:39
And you know, on this side, I can find
43:42
empathy. But at the time when I was like
43:44
really in the thick of it, I was angry.
43:47
And I remember I had read a book by a
43:49
pastor about forgiveness.
43:52
and he has a local church here that I
43:55
actually ended up attending and I asked
43:58
to pray with him and from there I joined
44:03
like a women's group and I befriended a
44:05
lot of people and I started going to
44:07
their church even though it's not a
44:10
typical church that I would necessarily
44:12
attend. Um it's just been very healing.
44:15
They like really helped me through a
44:17
very very difficult time. And so
44:22
I think that helped to carry me through.
44:25
And with Angelina, I just want her to
44:28
know all of the good things about her
44:32
dad. When I spoke at his celebration of
44:35
life, I described
44:38
him and, you know, I described all the
44:40
labels that he wore throughout his life.
44:42
And not once did I mention addict. Not
44:45
once did I mention, you know, convict or
44:47
anything like that. Um, I just want her
44:49
to know all the good things and all the
44:51
the attributes that she gets from him.
44:54
And you know, I tell her, I she doesn't
44:57
really understand now, but I still tell
44:58
her stories and um I even still talk to
45:02
him sometimes [laughter] and tell her
45:05
tell him, you know, what she's doing.
45:07
And
45:10
>> that's sweet, Lauren. Lauren, I can't
45:13
thank you enough for opening up to us
45:15
today. You're living proof that although
45:17
you can't rewrite the story, you can
45:19
always honor with love afterwards
45:24
and keep legacies alive. And the
45:26
information that you've given today, I
45:29
am sure is going to help many people out
45:31
there. Thank you so much.
45:33
>> Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
45:36
>> Thank you for joining us today
45:37
everybody. Bye-bye. Hearttoart is where
45:39
real stories meet real connection.
45:41
Hosted by Christy Diaz, founder of
45:43
Heartful Living. [music] This podcast
45:45
opens the door to honest, unfiltered
45:47
conversations about life's most
45:49
meaningful and sometimes messy chapters.
45:51
From personal journeys of resilience and
45:53
healing to experiences with love, loss,
45:55
family, and [music] finding purpose,
45:57
heartto-he heart is a space for the
45:59
stories that deserve to be heard. Every
46:01
episode is rooted in authenticity,
46:03
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46:04
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46:06
we're not alone. Join the conversation
46:08
because the best talks always come from
46:10
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