Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 294 | Loving Your Wife Comes Before Building Your Family

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Ep. 294 | Loving Your Wife Comes Before Building Your Family · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  It's so hard because I mean, I don't want to use the cop out answer, but just like you have to be spirit led. And if you're not spirit led, then you just start making dumb decisions.
• 0:12
  What's up, guys? Welcome back to 5-Minute Fatherhood. We had a really interesting conversation in Homeroom, our online mentorship community, about the conversation about men handling postpartum, pregnancy, all the challenges. We're in a whole month where we're talking about sexual intimacy in Homeroom, and it's really been a good conversation. But there was a thread in this conversation I thought would be really good to bring into the podcast, which was...
• 0:38
  We talk a lot about how much we love kids, how much blessing we see from having families, and how much I think it's important for dads to embrace the possibility that they could be called to father a large family.
• 0:53
  But I did want to throw out like one, like a little cautionary note on that conversation. And that is that it's so important that when a dad, let's say they become very alive and excited about getting to coach a family, lead a family team, build up a multi-generational family.
• 1:14
  that you keep in mind that as you're pushing down this path, which could mean having more kids and even more kids back to back, that you remember your first responsibility is to love your wife and that loving your wife comes before building your family.
• 1:30
  And that means that if your excitement about building an epic family is completely coming at the cost of your wife's physical health, of your wife's psychological health, of your wife's spiritual health, it's your job to notice that.
• 1:46
  And to put on the brakes. And so we just talked about that and how important that could be in the process of getting excited about families. And I just sort of said this because I do have friends who I think have discovered this and kind of regretted maybe pushing too hard down this path.
• 2:04
  and had to put on the brakes, but felt like maybe they should have done it a little bit earlier. And that it's okay to factor that in. Because I think sometimes we go from maybe hyper planning a family and trying to have the 2.5 kids and to like zero planning and 100% just having lots of
• 2:22
  It's our job to absorb everything and then maybe even foster kids and, you know, on and on. And there's some families that have just enormous capacity for this. But it's your job as the father to be aware, particularly of where those limits are. And if it's becoming unhealthy for your family, particularly for your wife. But yeah, Jeff, what are your thoughts about that?
• 2:44
  Yeah, 100% agree. It's so hard because, I mean, I don't want to use the cop-out answer, but just like you have to be spirit-led. And if you're not spirit-led, then you just start making dumb decisions. You know what I mean? Like you just start making very bad decisions in regards to pushing a law, making something – like the spirit is the law. That's the New Testament ethic, right? That's literally what it says in like multiple places rather than like the law is the law. And I think so many of us, we want the rule –
• 3:09
  to then allow us to push forward so that we don't need the spirit in a dynamic way every single day. Because if we just have a rule, then we can just move on. So that's one part here that I think is problematic.
• 3:21
  Uh, and then, yeah, I think the two things that one thing that tends to solve a lot of family problems is just like keeping a hyper micro pulse on the health of the family. Families that do that really well, almost everything thrives. Families that don't do that really well, start teetering into burnout on at least some areas because, and what I mean by that is like, keep a pulse on like who's thriving, who's doing okay, who's living, who's like, you know what I mean? Who's, uh, uh, owning it. Who's, who's, who's healthy, who's flourishing.
• 3:50
  And so that's one that I would say is another big one. And then, yeah, family size too. It's really important to – another word I would say is stewardship, right? Where like stewardship is really, really important. So like I love how you – yeah, it's usually the American one is two kids, you know, hyperplanet. It's going to be exact science. Another one is, you know, oh, you know, we don't care and we don't plan because that's God's way. And it's like that's not the definition of stewardship on either of those. Stewardship is kind of receiving resources.
• 4:18
  while also planning, while also ordering, while also naming, while also domaining. And so, yeah, I think all of that combined is really, really helpful in the conversation.