Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 6 ways a narcissists controls you or punishes you

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6 ways a narcissists controls you or punishes you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about six ways that a narcissist will
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  enforce their will upon you. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. I'm shooting in the car.
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  I'm living in my car now. You guys got me.
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  I'm kicked out. I'm living in my car.
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  I'm just joking. I'm not living in the car.
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  Just working on the book out here.
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  Y'all I found solace writing my book in the car.
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  If you want more information on the Up forthcoming book, click
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  the link and join my newsletter. But yeah, six ways that a
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  narcissistic person will try to punish you or enforce their will
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  upon you. Six different ways.
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  Yes, yo, I know there are more ways.
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  So if you if you could think of a way.
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  Did I miss did I know I'm going to miss some?
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  Drop it in the comment section your way.
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  That can help other people out. You see what I'm saying?
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  Like understanding that space right there could help a lot of
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  other people out within this dynamic and whatnot.
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  So the 1st way is sleep deprivation, keeping you up at
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  night, not allowing you to go to sleep.
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  That's how they put, that's how a lot of narcissistic people
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  will punish you and they'll punish you and then force their
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  will upon you to try to try to get their way by just refusing
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  to let you go to sleep. Sleep deprivation is known in
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  some, in some societies, in some cultures as sleep torture.
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  Because that's what it is, because people need sleep,
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  right. You need sleep to survive.
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  Human beings need sleep to, to live and thrive on.
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  Correct. So a lot of these times in a lot
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  of these situations, that's how it goes.
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  That's what it that's what needs to happen right there.
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  You know what I mean? So it's just in these spaces a
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  lot of people deal with, like, you need to go to sleep.
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  So if you're trying to hold a narcissist accountable or you
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  hurt their feelings or they feel like they need to get that point
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  across, they will refuse to let you go to sleep.
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  Especially if you got to get up in the morning to, you know,
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  some of y'all might be night owls and just be like, bring it
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  on. I'm not letting up, you know.
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  But some of y'all have to get up and go to work in the morning.
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  You have to get the kids ready for school in the morning.
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  You have to get up and do stuff in the morning.
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  Like, you can't afford to be sitting up here arguing.
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  You got to get, you got to be up at 6:30.
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  You can't afford to be sitting up here at 3:45 AM fussing and
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  fighting about a text message you saw on their phone.
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  You see what I'm saying? It's just tough.
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  That's one way that they do it, though.
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  This is one. This is one of the more serious
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  psychological and physical ways that they will do this to you.
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  They will absolutely, like, run amuck and do doing this type of
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  thing to you right here. Just to mess with you, to
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  dominate your mind, to keep, to keep you going.
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  A certain type of way to control you, to make you know, to teach
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  you a damn lesson, for lack of a better word.
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  You know what I mean? Because that does happen quite a
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  bit. I know a lot of y'all.
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  You know, if you if sleep deprivation were used against
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  you, where they kept you up at night, where you had a test in
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  the morning, where you had to go to school in the morning,
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  whatever, whatever you had to get up for.
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  Well, even if you didn't have to get up, you were just tired.
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  Even if you don't have to get up in the morning, a lot of people
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  want to go to sleep. You still want to go to sleep,
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  You know what I mean? You still want to get some sleep
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  in, even if you don't have to work in the morning to things
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  like that. So I get that.
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  I get that part of it as well you know.
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  So a lot of people sorry I raised my own sitting outside
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  and started raining. So a lot of people have to face
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  this dynamic have to face this this type of you know, mindset
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  and this type of mentality because it goes into it.
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  So sleep deprivation is 1. The next way I have it written
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  down narcissistic rage sorry for something.
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  I don't know what what that out narcissistic rage.
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  If most people, not everybody, because not all narcissists will
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  rage on you. Like just like not all
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  narcissists will use the sleep deprivation technique.
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  A lot of narcissists rage on you.
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  The yelling, the screaming. They're throwing things.
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  They're hitting themselves. They're trying to hit you.
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  They're punching a hole in the wall, starting the break thing.
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  You know threatening you. A lot of narcissistic people use
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  this method right here because it's it's damn near tried and
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  true. You know they know anger.
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  They know anger can. A lot of people can use anger to
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  control a lot of people. You can use anger to manipulate.
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  A lot of people can use anger to keep you in place, to put you in
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  place. You're afraid of that anger.
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  You're afraid of that reaction. You won't do certain things
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  right. You won't do certain things
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  because you're afraid of how that narcissistic person may
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  react to you. Correct.
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  That happens too. That happens quite a bit within
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  these spaces or within these dynamics.
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  So yeah, there's something you have to run.
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  There's something you have to think about as well, you know
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  the next way silent treatment. The silent treatment is akin
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  it's almost the opposite of the narcissistic rage, right?
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  But the silent treatment is them.
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  They're just they're just not talking to you.
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  They might acknowledge your existence, they might see you
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  and look at you and things like that, but they're just like,
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  damn, they're just not speaking to you.
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  They're not communicating with you in any type of way, even the
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  even the necessary stuff. They're not even communicating
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  the necessary things to you. I call the silent treatment and
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  I'm not. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only
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  person who just calls this. I call it silent rage because
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  they're still mad as hell at you.
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  They're just not exhibiting it in a different in such a loud
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  way. You know, silence can be loud,
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  but they're not yelling and screaming at you.
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  They're being super passive aggressive and just, you know,
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  just like pretending that you don't exist type of stuff right
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  there, you know, because the next mode, the next, the next
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  thing I want to talk about is ignoring you.
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  Because ignoring you can be part of the silent treatment, but
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  that's more it leans more towards stonewalling.
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  Like damn near acting like you don't exist at all.
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  Stonewalling when they just damn near you are ghost to them.
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  You can be in the same house. They don't even acknowledge your
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  existence. The silent treatment.
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  Sometimes they acknowledge your existence by making eye contact
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  with you or something like that, just to let you know that
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  they're doing it. Stonewalling is damn near
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  pretendingly you don't exist. Like your presence does not
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  matter here. Like you don't exist.
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  You might as well be Casper, the friendly impact right here
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  because you don't exist to them within this space or outside of
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  this space that happens so much, right?
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  That's one of the things that consistently happens a lot of
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  the times within these dynamics within these spaces.
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  So that's what I'm just trying to tell people, like keep it
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  moving forward to keep things going forward, to keep things,
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  to keep grinding. Like I say, look, even if they
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  give you the solid treatment or if they're giving you the
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  stonewalling you ignoring you, if you have to say something to
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  them, write it down, text it to them, make sure you say it out
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  loud because they will be held against you later on, especially
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  if it's something that they that they need to hear, say it to
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  them. So you make sure they just say
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  it and don't just don't expect an answer back because they
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  might not respond to you, they might, they might not answer you
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  back in any type of, you know, feasible way.
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  So it's just like this is new situations right here where you
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  got to think about it from that perspective right there, from
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  that way, right there. Like, they might give you the
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  silent treatment. You know what I mean?
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  They might, like I say, they might be ignoring you or giving
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  the silence treatment, but just say what you need to say because
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  they can protect you later on. They might get mad and just try
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  to say you didn't say it to them, but you didn't say it
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  because they're being childish. But that's part of it.
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  Just get it out. Make sure you text it.
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  If it's something that important, make sure you text it
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  to them. Make sure they they can see it
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  or you said it out loud, you know, just to protect yourself.
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  Like even sometimes, if even if you do that, it doesn't really
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  matter anyway. Yeah, the next thing is
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  withholding intimacy. Punishment, Tom.
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  No cheeks, No clapping of no, no, thou shall not clap thy
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  cheeks. Because dying is being held
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  accountable for their actions, and those actions are holding me
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  accountable. Those actions are making me feel
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  small. Those actions that you've
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  exhibited are making me feel a certain type of way.
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  So this does happen too, right here.
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  They will withhold intimacy from you, you know.
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  They will absolutely will. Like they'll Rev you up and just
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  don't touch you. I'm not just talking about
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  clapping of the cheeks, I'm talking about any type of
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  intimacy, emotional or physical intimacy.
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  They'll begin. They'll pretend like you don't
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  exist in the bedroom or it just within any other type of
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  relational space, Like you don't exist to them within this
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  dynamic. You don't exist to them within
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  this space. Like you pretty much damn a
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  specter here, you know, like they'll treat you like it as
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  well. Because this is the IT is a it
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  is a very warped mindset to be a narcissist sometime because they
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  will, they can and will destroy you a lot of the times because
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  they feel entitled to be doing this.
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  They feel like this is part of this, the space that they fall
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  into, This is part of the dynamic and they feel like they
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  control you. They own you.
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  They, you know you belong to them in some way, shape or form.
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  That's always going to be a part of it or a piece of it right
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  there, you know. So that's why I try to tell
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  people, try to commit to people that this is going to continue
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  to happen. And my wife's friend just showed
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  up and I'm out here in the rain. They don't see me.
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  But yeah, that's part of it right there.
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  So I tell people just, like, if they withhold their intimacy,
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  like I'm not saying that they if they, if they're not clapping
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  your cheeks, they might be clapping somebody else's.
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  But a lot of times that's how it goes.
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  You know, they might be, you know, sleeping with somebody
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  else if you've been sleeping with, like, if they're not
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  sleeping with you, typically they might be trying to sleep
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  with somebody else. Just, I'll just put that out
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  there for you right there to understand that you know.
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  And last but not least, exhaustion.
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  They try to exhaust you by, to punish you.
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  Let me go back real quick. Not only would they withhold
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  intimacy, some of them will forcefully take intimacy from
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  you, you know. And you, you know what I mean by
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  that, by that. Some of them will with forcibly
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  with to take the intimacy from you.
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  They'll remove the They'll take it from you.
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  If they want it from you, they'll take it from you.
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  That's another way they punish you or enforce that will on you.
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  And that's horrible. Yeah.
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  Even if you, even if you married, you're not.
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  You're not that property. They can't just take it from
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  you. You know what I mean?
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  The last word, like I said, would to exhaust you.
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  They just won't leave you alone. They will just keep belittling
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  you, keep just hammering away at you, keep beating you down
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  emotionally or sometimes physically to get you to give in
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  to their demands. Like especially if y'all have
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  broken up or there's no communicate you, you've removed
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  communication. They will just keep trying to
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  pop up on you to try to force this conversation with you.
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  They'll keep reaching out to your parents or their own
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  parents or whoever your friends, your family members to try to
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  force the conversation with you. They will absolutely try to
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  exhaust you into getting their needs met, whatever their needs
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  are. It doesn't have to be, you know,
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  actual needs. It can be financial needs.
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  It can be housing needs. You might have a old
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  narcissistic bum. They're trying to exhaust you
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  and they're giving them a place to live.
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  They try to make you feel guilty.
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  And it's dynamic right here, too, in this space.
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  They're going to make you feel guilty about certain things
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  right there, you know, don't let them exhaust you.
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  Like they will make you tired. You're like, well, I'll just
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  give in. I'm tired.
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  It's easier to it's easier to just give in to them, you know,
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  because if they exhaust you one time and they know that it
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  works, they'll keep going back to doing it again and again and
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  again because why wouldn't they, you know?
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