Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Let’s Get Down to Business with Vanessa Gonzalez

Transcript

Let’s Get Down to Business with Vanessa Gonzalez · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, Good afternoon, It's Thursday. Hello, Hi Chelsea. You've
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: had a big week this week I did. I made
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: an announcement that Joe Koy and I are no longer together.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: So I announced that on my Instagram page, as one does.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I figured since we have been such a public couple,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: that it was only appropriate to publicly break break up
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: um or let everybody know, because people were so invested
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: in our relationship and so supportive, which was so moving
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: to me, and it was really heartfelt to always hear
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: how you know, everybody loved it and was so inspired
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: and how I just wanted to let everyone know that
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: it is, you know, an ending, but it's a beginning
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: and it's not something that is going to break either
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: one of us, and that I have more hope than
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I ever have about love and finding love, and I
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: now know that it's possible in the least in the
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: places you least expect it. I believe that I believe
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: that for everyone, for me and for everyone else, and
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: that my heart is open and it's not going to shut.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: You know, it's now I'm open to the idea of
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: spending my life with someone, and I hadn't been for
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: a really long time. Your post was so beautiful, and
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: you know, I can tell that you both learned so
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: much from each other, and I think that's really all
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: we can ask from a relationship, is like not necessarily
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: till death do us part, but like what how did
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: you become more yourself? And how what did you learn
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: about yourself when you were in that relationship for the
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: good parts of yourself and the bad parts of yourself?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: And you two are wonderful together. And I know, you
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: know you said you'll you'll still be friends and yeah, yeah,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: you know. I mean it's hard to go through a
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: breakup obviously, but it's important to go through it and
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: not avoid it and not distract and deflect. And like
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I I'm very against that. I'm very much about sitting
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: in my pain and understanding that something you know, that
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I hoped was going to work out did not work out.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: And he changed me in so many wonderful ways. You know,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: he really fired up my work effic again and my
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: ambition again, and I my desire to do things and
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: be productive and have a voice and use my voice
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: instead of you know, there's so many times where I
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: fantasize about like moving to my worka well, mostly because
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: this country is going to hell in a handbasket or
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: moving it Canada and all the stuff. And and I think,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: you know, Joe was a like a big beacon of
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: light in my life that I he's unforgettable, and I
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: like will take a lot of that with me into
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: my next phase of life. And I just I don't
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: want people to be heartbroken like on our behalf. Like
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: it's a beautiful thing to be loved like that, you know,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: and to love someone like that, it's really beautiful. And
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I'll never let go of that because I know that
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: it's out there now and it's possible, and I want
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: everyone else to know that it's possible too. And the
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: only work you can do is on yourself, and you know,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: and and get through it and understand that you know,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: nothing in life is really that permanent. And I did
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: my best and and that wasn't enough. Yeah, And like
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: they say, when you're going through something, keep going. That's
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: such a shift from where you were several years ago,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: where you're I mean, just look at how you're experiencing
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: this loss. Like you are experiencing it. You're not closing
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: your mind to it, and like that's done. That's over.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to think about it anymore. Like you
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: said so many times on this show, how you know
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: when a relationship, friendship, or otherwise was over, it was
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: just like that doors closed. I don't even think about
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: them anymore. And what I can't imagine a healthier way
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: to be processing this than you are right now. Thank you,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: thank you. I'm definitely this is my first adult breakup,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: even though it's public. It's like I've handled this with
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: as much adult technique and skill as I've been taught
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: through therapy. Thank you, Dan's eagel Um. You know, like
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I know that I've acted with dignity and with grace,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: and I am giving nothing but love, putting love out
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: there because I know that he needs that and everyone
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: needs it and I need it, and I now know
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: that that's the way to break up with love, not
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: with anger. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I know any time you go through a breakup it's
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: incredibly hard, and it's really rave of you to share
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: all of that. I think I speak for all of
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: the listeners out there when I say we're rooting for
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: you both, and I really can't wait to see what
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: the next chapter is thank you, Thank You. So as
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: we transition into our episode, how would you feel if
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I tell you about something totally ridiculous that happened to
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: me this week. Yeah, let's do a light thing. A
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: light thing. So I just got back from Wisconsin. I
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: was there for a memorial, but it's for an aunt
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: who passed away several years ago. She was one of
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: our favorite aunts. But it was really wonderful to be
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: with all my like my favorite cousins, like the like yes,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: the fun cousins. Yeah. I have a line in one
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: of my books where I say, like, sisters are great,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: but like your cousin will help you, like order vodka
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: in an omelet, you know, like your sisters are slightly protective,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: whereas cousins are down for the same party you were down.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: And uh, yeah, I love I love cousins. I have
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: so many cousins too. It's nice that you went back
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: for a memorial. That's a really nice way to honor
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: your out. Yeah. She um. Well, my aunts and uncles
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: had had a cabin up in like the north woods
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: of Wisconsin. Manito wish Waters. If we have any listeners there,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: and I used to go up there with them but
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: this an aunt. She had a phaseema and so it
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: was always easier for her to be up there, especially
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: during the summers, and loved it up there, so she
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: asked for her ashes to be spread there and we
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: finally all got it together and we're you know, we
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: we went up and it was just a beautiful time.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: The side of the family. My uncle is Nigerian and
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: so we all just like are loud and eat spicy
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: food together and we just like try to make each
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: other scream laugh as loud as possible. It is the
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: most fun. It's just that that means everyone's in the
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: right age range. Yes, yeah, we're all kind of like
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: we grew up together nearby each other and also kind
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: of have kind of similar age ranges as well. Cut
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: cut love that. But so we're up in the northwest
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: of Wisconsin. The place we stayed at, I think has
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: not been touched since like the Seven Days, Like green
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: carpet on all the floors, there's like animal heads on
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: all the walls, a beautiful area on the lake. So
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: we had a great time. But we stayed in this
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: lodge that was like built in nine and it definitely
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: looked and felt it. But we had a great time together,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: all drinking out on the porch and getting bitten by
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: mosquitoes and that sort of thing people talk about, like
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: when I loved when visits them and it's like they
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: see a bird and it reminds me, reminds them of
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: their mother, or you know, a butterfly and it reminds
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: them of their grandfather or or whatever. And so we
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: went to this really special place on a lake, and
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: I kept thinking, like, I wonder if Dad is going
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: to visit us. You know, we had some tears, we
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: had some laughs. We really remembered her, and so sweet
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: it was. It was really beautiful. We were up on
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: the honor, like to honor someone like that is so honorable. Yeah,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I'm just thinking of different ways I can use the
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: word honor, honorary. So, you know, we decided would all
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: take a picture of this beautiful lake that she loved.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: And so there was a small dock there because it
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: was sort of a boat launch, and several of my
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: cousins and I we went out on the dock and
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: it was a little rickety, but you know, I didn't
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: think too much of it. So we got there, we
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: take a few pictures, and we decided, well, let's get
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: everybody up on this dock and take a beautiful picture
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: with this vista. Well, everybody gets on the dock. My
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: nephew sort of says, oh, hey, like is this going
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: to be safe for us all because it's a little bendy.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: My sisters like it's got bolts and stuff. It's fine,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: we'll get up there. Brad. My husband is setting up
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: the picture on the shore. All of a sudden, somebody
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: it's moving. It's moving and this hole water, Oh my god,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I love it was the most ridiculous things, like my like,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: everyone is fine, like no one was hurt at all,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: but like there was a moment where like my my
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: nephew's leg got kind of like trapped in one of
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: the boards, and so we all like bailed off. I
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: bailed off the side in the most inelegant way possible,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: out wet up to my collar bones in one foot
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: of water somehow, like soaking wet. Anyway, everyone was totally fine,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: no one was hurt, And I was like, that was
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: how I done. Showed up exactly like enough of this crying.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: So everyone was in the water. Everyone was in the water,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: like we were sopping wet and sorry, pepos, like you
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: needed a new talk. Okay, I haven't water falling in
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: the story as well from this weekend. So I was
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: with my cousins also up in Malibu or Topanga. We
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: had like a cook out on the beach and I
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: had some friends and all my cousins were there, and
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: then my two little cousins, Ella and Gray, who are
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: my cousins, babies, babies, they're eleven, and their teams so whatever, Well,
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: that's not okay. I was on pylons, you know, the
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: pylons go into the water. I was obviously intoxicated, and
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I was taking Ella as her guardian across the pylons
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: and she was like, you know, we're walking and it
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: was the waves were crashing and coming in, and I
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: was like okay. I'm like, oh, it's fine. I'm so
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: good with balance, you know. I And I'm walking along,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: walking along, and then she's like, oh, I'm getting scared.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I'm getting scared. I go, okay, let's sit down. So
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I go to sit down, and as I sit down,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I lose my balance and just sucking dive right into
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: the sand head first into that The water was crushing,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: but the sand was not you know. It wasn't high.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: So I faced first into white shirt, my nipples completely exposed.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I was in jeans, completely soaked, and I look up
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: at my niece or she's my cousin, but she feels
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: like my niece. And I look up with my cousin
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: and she's like, I didn't do that. I didn't push you.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, I know you didn't. I was like,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I'm drunk, and I'm like, I'm a fucking drunk. I'm
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: now I'm a drunk ant, Like I'm a drunk elderly
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: at walking around the pons to my whole family and
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: all they all look and go, put a fucking shirt
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: over your nipples, like like what happened? I was like, oh,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: buying the pylons. It was really humiliating, but totally classically.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: But yeah, to water incidents, we should focus on water
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: excursions for this episode. We have a one of my
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: favorite peoples here today. She's the opener on my Vaccinated
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: in Horny tour. And if you haven't seen me on
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: my Vaccinated in Horny Tour, I am coming to the
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Justicer Laps Montcho Comedy Festival July. I am coming to
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Vancouver August twelve and Calgary August and August four. So
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I have two shows in Vancouver on the twelfth, and
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: then the two shows in Calgary, and then after that
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I have a whole new slew of dates starting in
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Saratoga in October. I'm coming to all parts of Florida,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: so you're welcome. Tampa, Tampa, Tampa. I have two shows
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: in Tampa and then a bunch of other places. Colorado Springs, Colorado.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Just go to Chelsea Hamlet. Let me introduce my opener.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: She opens for me on the road from my Vaccinated
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: in Horny tour. She is fucking hilarious. She resides in Austin, Texas.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Please welcome Vanessa Gonzalez. Hi Vanessa. Hello. Oh hello, you
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: look like you're about to start a job interview. Oh yes,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I hope I get the job. You guys, this is
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Vanessa Gonzalez. Have you met Vanessa yet. We talked on
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: the phone and she's a delight. Well you probably saw
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: her open for me at the war I did. It
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: was so much fun. Yeah, those were great show. We've
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: been having a lot of great shows. Vanessa has been
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: on the road with me for the most part, for
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: most of my Vaccinated in Horny tour. Every once in
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: a while we have to replace her because of her attitude,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: or she has an improper sexual relationship with one of
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: our representatives from Live Nation, So that's been a big
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: thorn in our side because she doesn't understand the moment
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: we're living in. And he reported her because he's a
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: white male and he was being sexually harassed by her.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: You know, it's hard to navigate the entertainment business. His
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: name is Brandon book Are in case anyone needs to
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: look him up. We have a guy that runs our
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: tour for us, and I say run in very loose
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: terms because because he's not running fucking anything, and there
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: are more mistakes than there are victory laps. But he
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: loves the greatest thing about Brandon is well a, we
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: love Brandon, but he's such a good sport about us
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: making so much fun of him because he is just
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: kind of a middle aged white guy and he thinks
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: he's with it and he's not with it. He spelled
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Vanessa's last name wrong for the better part of six
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: months so excellently. It's pretty common. Yeah, he's figuring it out.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: It's it's hard, it's hard. His job is hard. Yeah,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: for him, it is right, Okay. I would like to
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: also mention that Vanessa was recently named one of Variety's
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: top ten comics to watch out for, So big congratulations
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: on that, Vanessa well deserved. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: that's it's been wild. It's been a wild ride this year.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: So fun. So Vanessa is based out of Austin, and
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: I found her through the woman who runs my production
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: company named Jackie Sosa. She knew of Vanessa and I
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: was looking for women to open from me, and so
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: she sent me Vanessa's info and then I started stalking
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: her online and she and then we've had some pretty
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: exciting times. We've had some long journeys. Do you know
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: how much that live word journey we've had. We have
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: different modes of operative transportation at all times. Sometimes we
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: take a scooter bus. Sometimes we take a what are
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: they called vans or no. Sometimes I'm like, these spreater
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: vans could be really nice. Actually they have, they have
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: when they have a configuration, I'm like, oh, this is nice.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: So we've taken a tour bus, we've taken planes, we've
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: taken commercial plans, we've taken private planes. We've taken helicopter.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Oh no, we haven't taken a helicopter. Well, you missed out.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: We took a helicopter last week in the the New York
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: City and Rosebud almost climax, although I did too. I
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: gotta say, you guys, that helicopter ride, flying it in
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: New York City at night. Manhattan we got back at
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: like you know, midnight at moon was this beautiful orange
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: birth and we were just driving. Flying into that city
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: is like one of the most spectacular things ever. It's
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: like flying into Paris, Yeah, because it's so low enough
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: that you could see all the streets in the movement
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: and what's going on. You know, when all the avenues
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: and the city lit up at night with the moon
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: was just so beautiful. We were all just like, oh,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: that's cool. I'd be too scared. Yeah, I think so
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: too about a helicopter. I don't know. I guess who
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: was scared, Vanessa Brandon, that's right, Brandon scared me. And
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Brandon gets scared of the planes and flying things. Yea,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: the heights. So Vanessa is from a family of three.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: She has two brothers, right, and she has a boyfriend
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: who's adorable and Yeah, his name is Daniel and she's
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: based out of Austin. So tell us a little bit
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: about because you were in l A and then you
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: moved to Austin during the pandemic, and what's it been
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: like to be in Austin during this time. It's different now.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I feel like Austin is very much many l A
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: now and it's changed. I know, I know, it's huge.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: People are moving here to do comedy now. It changed
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: so much like I was in l A. And just
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: in those two years, Austin changed. And during the pandemic
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: when there was a pandemic, there was no pandemic really
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: in Texas, so shows kept going, theaters were closing opening,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: clubs were closing opening, And yeah, it's like the scene
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: got bigger during a pandemic somehow. Yeah. I know a
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: lot of people that moved either to Nashville or to Austin.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Like half of l A went just mostly to avoid taxes, right,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: isn't that then everyone's primary goal? Yeah, we don't pay
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: taxes here, just like I don't pay. But how do
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: you I want you to talk a little bit about,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: like do you also just got voted Austin's number one
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Comedian of the Year didn't do yeah, which is great
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: for this burgeoning comedy mecca. You know, this is becoming
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: like the new comedy place next to l A or
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: New York. Well, New York is probably number one, right,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's the number one? Yeah, probably, but yeah,
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I was voted through the Austin Chronicle. That caught me
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: off guard. I didn't even know people knew that I,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: you know, was back here, but they know I have stalkers,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: and um, yeah, it's that. That was really special because
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: you know, going to l A and making that jump
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: and then coming back and it was hard. It's been
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: hard to kind of navigate, like, am I, you know,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: still in the business, staying connected and all that after
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: making such a big move and coming back home. So
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: it's a mental lot that even moving back stuff still yeah, stuff,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I'm still happening for you. And she also has she
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: has her own rider at the shows because I, I
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: told Brandon, the person we're talking about, you know, I
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: have a rider in mine, which is basically like a
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: cheese board, and somehow a charcuterie board got on there too.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: But I don't really eat that much meat anymore, so
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: I told him to exnate the charcouder board and then
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: he just put it in Vanessa's room. So now she
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: gets a charcuterie board. So this past weekend, the last
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: weekend when we had Rosebud, Vanessa Rosebud's like, holy sh it,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: I can't believe you got a charcuterie board. Every single night,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: She's like, I've got to put that in my rider.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, listen, bit, if you can take this charcudrii
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: board and stretch it out for over the next two years,
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: because that's how long it will last. What a waste
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: of meat. I know they're huge, I know, but Vanessa
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: likes her snack packs. She likes to travel with a
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: little like like you know those ladies at Dodger Stadium
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: that come up with little trays of candy. That's how
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Vanessa leaves every theater. She takes her tray what's in
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: her green room and sometimes what's in my green room,
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: and then we get on our little transportation bus and
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: depending on how long the ride is and how high
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I am at that point, we also share edibles because
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Vanessa has motion sickness. I don't know, but anyway, for her, Yeah,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: for me, they always come in handy. When we're super
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: high after the show, there's no food, it's like, yeah,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: just have three packs of chips, right, just have that?
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: And if I asked her four chips, she will sometimes
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: be annoyed with me. She will sometimes saying how many
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: are you going to have? And I mean, this is
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: the second bag and are you going to reimburse me
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: for days? So she's pretty tough stuff to deal with. Well,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: because you're you're shipping on my snack bag the whole time,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: I know, and you're like, well, let me let me
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: see what you got. Yeah, and then I'm a hypocrite.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: What's been your one some of your favorite places to
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: go on tour, like would have been the most surprising
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: cities or your favorites? Well, I we had so much
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: fun in Kansas City. Those were great shows, and just
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: the fact that we were there for two nights, which
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: is rare, we got to like really have fun and
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: and yeah, it's the back to back shows is hard,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: but those are fun. Nashville was a blast. Yeah, Nashville
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: was fun. Kansas City was fun because also we we
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: stayed in the same hotel for two nights. Like she said,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: which is always just such a nice break, like because
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: you're always traveling and going either you leave right after
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: the show or in the first thing in the morning,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: and it's always exhausting no matter how you slice it.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: But in Kansas City, we were there for two nights
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: and I had one of these ridiculous hotel rooms that
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: had about eighteen different boardrooms in it, and we ordered
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: late night food. My assistant Carla ordered us this huge spread,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: so we all went upstairs and ate after the show. Yeah,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: that was so fun. Our pizza party was great. Yeah,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Nashville was fun. Anytime we have like an after party
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: or we're able to have an after party after shows
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: has been really fun. And she has friends. You have
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: friends all around the country that I've been able to
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: kind of come like San Jose, l A and different shows. Yeah,
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: her friends show up, which is always really fun because
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: it's really nice to see your friends get to see you,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: you know before. I love that. Yeah, it has been
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: just a nice way for me to visit all my
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: friends while I work. Yeah, and you get to like
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: be like be fabulous and hilarious and they get to
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: come see you. I was curious if there's anything unexpected
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: that's happened on tour. Well, the wildest thing is when
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I forget was it Salt Lake City or one show
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: where two people drunk? People like stop the show. And
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: I had never seen anything like that before. I mean,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: you know, I've had drunk audience members, but it's always
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: like one. But this was very like two separate times,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: and that that was bizarre. Yeah, somebody approached the stage.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: They were obviously both really really wasted, and for some reason,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: our security was beefed up at that show. That's exactly
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: what the problem was. And they this woman just came
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: out and they were both harmless, but it was just
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: like one was wasted talking about you know something, and
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: another guy was naked, took a shirt off and came up.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: He's like, Chelsea, I love you so much. I'm like,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: well that's great, but you're sucking interrupting everybody else's time
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: right now? Right? Yeah. You handled them like a pro.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Everything was fine, but I had never seen like people
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: be like, this is my shot. I gotta I gotta
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: talk to her while she's mid sentence. Yeah, this wild.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Don't do that if you're listening. If we don't like it.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: And when I was at the l A show. We
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: were we were upstairs in the messanie and there was
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: a woman in front of me. I was get like
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: a little scared of heights meanie, this woman who was
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: not drunk, like I'm pretty sure she was stone called
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: sober or mostly sober. She came back in the middle
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: of the show with a drink and she like lost
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: her footing. She was kind of in front of but
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: she like slipped on a stair and like like down
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: several stairs, which for me, just from the heights perspective,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: was like, it's my worst fear. Like she did not
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: spell her drink, which is why I think she was
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: not super drunk. But I like that. I like the
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: term mostly sober, and I'm gonna start incorporating that into
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: my repertoire. What I also would like to add is,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I said this on this podcast yet,
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: but there was a woman I forget which city we're
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: in where they went to stand up and then just
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: rolled down. Oh yeah, they rolled down the center aisle.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: So they were so wasted that they fell over and
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: then started their person started rolling and I was in
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: the middle of it. And at this point I think
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: they were already had. I think it might have been
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: the same show you were talking about. It definitely wasn't
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Salt Lake because that's a dry venue, so nobody could
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: it was. It was maybe Cedar Rapids or something. And
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: and I saw a person rolling down the aisland. I thought,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: am I gonna draw attention to this right now? Or
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: fucking finish my at because if I draw attention to
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: this woman that is rolling down the aisle, it's going
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: to be Bayham and then we're setting ourselves back fifteen
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: minutes and then you know, and then we're embarrassing the
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: ship out of her on top of it. And I've
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: after rolling down an aisle? Do you really need to
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: be called out by the comedian you're there to see?
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: It was? It was me? I haven't told you but
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: that that was me. No. I will say something that
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: has also been surprising in a good way is like
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: how awesome Chelsea's like audience have been towards me, like
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: super welcoming, super warm, great, and you know, it's intimidating,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: like they don't know who I am or I don't
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: you know, they're just like, where's Chelsea? But they've they'll
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: say my name announced me, and everyone's like, whoa, yeah,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: oh yeah they love her, Yeah, they love you. They've
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: been so great and that's that's been great. Well, I Chelsea,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: you have such a track record of supporting other women
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: but also like picking real a cool women to be around.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: You know, like like there are so many people who
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe earlier on in your career you worked
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: with who maybe you gave a hand to, but like
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: now they are superstars and you know, I said, I
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: think you have a good track writer of having a
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: good picker. Thank you. Well, I think it's pretty obvious
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: to spot talent, like or you know, when somebody is funny,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: all you want to do is make somebody make you laugh.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: If they make you laugh, you know they're gonna make
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: a million other people laugh too. So I mean, Vans
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: is easy to spot. That's very obvious talent. Now it's
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: thank you. And every every time I like people ask
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: me like, what's it like on tour, I'm just like,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: it's one fun too. It's just been so inspiring to
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: be around you and the way you lift people up
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: and me and I've opened for men and mostly men,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: and it doesn't feel like they want to support or
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: you know root for you or even if you kill
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: right before them, it feels weird. There's a vibe. Oh no,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: they're upset. And with Chelsea, it's like, you know, she's
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: there to high five me every time I get off
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: stage and hug me, and it's just I feel like
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: it's helped me just become more confident and more just
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: like a badass, a badass bitch. It's contagious. Ah, that's awesome.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I love that. Well, that's good because we're roping you
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: in to give advice too, because I feel like you'd
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: be good at giving advice to strangers as well. And
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, wait, why then has Vanessa bit on
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: this podcast? Yeah, I'm ready. Yes, Well, we have some
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: very exciting ones for you today. But we're going to
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be right back with
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Vanessa Gonzalez and Chelsea. And we're back with Vanessa Gonzalez
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: and Catherine. Well. Our first question, and this is an email,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: comes from Heidi. Heidi says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty three
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: years old and I've been seriously considered and getting my
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: tubes tied. I have no desire to do it. You
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: don't even have to finish. Now you're doing the world
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: the favor. You're not contributing to mass population. Well, there
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: you go, She says, I have no desire to birth
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: a child, and I know I would like to foster
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: children when I'm stable enough to do so. I'm still young,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: and this is a big decision. Am I too young
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: to decide? I never want to birth children? Should I
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: wait until I'm older? If so, when is a good age.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: I have four years left on this I U D
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: so I can wait until it expires. But I like
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: making decisions and acting on them. What are your thoughts.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I also considered donating my eggs first, but got denied
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: for having too high of a b M. I, so
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: that really isn't an option for me, thanks Heidi to
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: a body mass index, which is really dated technology. But
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: but what is it you? What does that mean? You're
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: too heavy to donate? Yeah? Oh god, they're picky. Huh
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: who has the right to be picky? I would say eggs, Yeah,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I know, good eggs are good eggs. I would say,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: if you have it, what's her name? Heidi? Heidi? If
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: you have an I U D in and you have
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: a couple of years left on it, there's no reason
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: to rush into getting your tubes tied. I mean, I
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: know that is reverse. Is it reversible? So yeah, I
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: look this up. Is technically reversible, but the reversal doesn't
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: always take Yeah, Like you don't need to jump into that. Like,
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I appreciate your I'm like that too. I'm impulsive and
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: I'd like to make decisions and get moving into the
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: next thing and also cancel out possibilities that are not
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: real possibilities in my mind, which would be having children.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: And I support that fully, But there's no reason to
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: like expedite the process. Why don't you wait till your
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I U. D Is done and then get your tubes tied?
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: If you feel the same way, Yeah, yeah, I think
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: that's smart. I mean I feel like I've always known
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: also that I don't want to berth a child or
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: be pregnant, but I feel the same way as her, like, yeah,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: maybe I'd like to foster kids or adopt later on,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: and that's what we is going to be open to you.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: So whenever you do it, it's I think you know,
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: when you know you don't want to go through being pregnant. Yeah,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: they should come up with a phrase for it like
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: you know how they say your clock is ticking, which
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: is you know, passe and old school, but like they
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: should come up with a new phrase for how you
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: know when you know that you don't want to have
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: a child. Like I've never been on the fence about that.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: I've known in you know, in my gut and my
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: soul that that is not what is meant for me. Yeah,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think most people know. I feel
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: like I knew early on, and then as I got older,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, maybe you know everyone's telling you
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: you should have a baby. When are you gonna have
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: a baby? So then that foks with you, but your
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: your heart always knows I don't think it's for me.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: And now I'm thirty six and I'm like, yeah, I
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: don't want to do that. Please know, I would say,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: if you're going to pick an age in the future,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: beyond just letting this run out. When I was younger
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I never want kids and everyone
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: can it's I had a couple of friends tell me
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: wait until you're twenty nine. The second I turned twenty nine,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: I had like raging hormones of like I want a baby,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: But I also knew that I didn't actually, so I
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: got a dog and used my like mothering instincts that
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: way and it was perfect. But just wait until you're thirty.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: If you don't get that by twenty nine, I don't
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: think you're going to get it. Yeah, if it costs
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: a lot, yeah go on a trip, use it for
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: something else for now. But but as I have a
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: question for you, if Daniel really really had his heart
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: set on having a child, would you reconsider your stance?
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: And I would say, let's adopt, or let's figure out
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: where we can put your sperm because I don't want it.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: I don't want a person inside me with their whole body. No,
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: And what particularly about so it sounds like it's more
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: of a physical thing for you though, Like what is
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: it about it that turns you off so much? Somebody's
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: like living off of your food? I don't like. I
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: don't want to share. No. I've always had really bad
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: periods a my life, like super painful and motion sickness
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: and all, and I'm like, if this, if it's bad now,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine what a pregnancy would do to my
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: body and how awful I would be as a human.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: So I think everything in my heart and soul is
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: just like, don't do that to us please. Yeah. Yeah, well, Heidi,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: let us know what you to side, Yeah, Heidi, let
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: us know what you decide, and just take a minute.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: You're only twenty three years old. You don't know if
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: you know you're asked from your elbow yet. Ye. Yeah. Also, Vanessa,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: I would say I always had really really terrible periods
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: as well. We'll still do. But was finally, after like
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: seven or eight years of investigating this and talking to doctors,
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: finally someone was like, yes, you have endometriosis. That's what
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: this is. That's what's going on. And they also were
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: just like, if you're not trying to have a kid, like,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: we'll just keep you on birth control the entire time
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: so you don't have your week off. So that might
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: be something to investigate for you too. Oh yes, I
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: just went and that. They told me that as well,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: and I started a new birth control, but I didn't
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: like it. So now I'm in the process of finding
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: the one, which takes a while. You know what, you
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: can also get done, Vanessa. I mean, I don't know
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: if you can get this done in Texas, because it
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: seems like a lot of things are restricted there, but
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: you can get an ablazon, which is what my sister
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Simone got because she had really heavy periods, and so
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: it basically blanches your uterus. They go in with hot
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: water or the other option is I forget there's hot water.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: There's one way to do it as hot water. I'm
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: actually scheduled to get one. I'm going to right after
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: this podcast today to go see me. My period isn't
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: that bad, but it would just be elective because I'd
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: rather not have a period anymore. But for people who
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: have really heavy periods, my sister Simone did it and
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: called an ablagon, and you should ask your doctor about it,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: because anybody who has endometriosis or hows a heavy period
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: is a candidate for it. And for like when you
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: are like ready to be done having periods or it
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: basically well no, you can basically stop. So it just
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: stops the bleeding, you know, so you don't you get
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: the hormones continue, but you don't have the bleeding which
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: goes with the cramping and with all of that stuff.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: So it just stops your In most of women, it
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: stops their period altogether. And then ten percent of women
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: your period is just much lighter for the rest of
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: your life. But it's something that a lot of women
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: are doing, because I've talked to a few people about it. Now, yeah,
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: I look into that. That sounds nice. And if Texas
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: won't even let me torch my uterus, then I got
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: to get out of here. I know. Well, yeah, they
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: they're in control of your uterus. What I'll do is
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: I'll video tape my doctor's appointment today with my O
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: B G Y N and I will just we I'll
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: live stream it and then that will have access to it. Yeah,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: and thank you of course. Well. Our next question comes
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: from Mary. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm newly recovered from
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: a severe depressive episode that lasted for over a year,
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: primarily due to the passing of my dad in December.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: He died from contracting COVID nineteen while he was in
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: the hospital for a separate injury. His death broke my heart,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: and once my shock war off, I fell into a
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: deep depression. I finally realized I needed professional help when
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I confessed to my mom I was having passive thoughts
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: of suicide. I took a leave of absence from my
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: job and focused only on my well being. I began
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: talk therapy sessions multiple times a week and saw a
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: psychiatrist to manage my medications. I only did things that
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: I wanted to do and practiced a lot of self
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: care during that time, and now I'm at a place
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: where I have hope and excitement for the future. Again.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I learned that my sensitivity isn't a weakness, nor is
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: my capability to feel for others one. That in fact,
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: my intuition and ability to understand others as a gift.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: I also began to explore spirituality and started to meditate.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: I have since returned to my job, and while I'm
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: so grateful for my co workers and their support, I
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: haven't been happy since I've been back. I feel appolling
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: to a new career and I'm thinking about going back
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: to school to be a counselor or therapist. Even my
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: own therapist told me I would make a great one. However,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: I grew up in a low income household and the
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: thought of increasing my debt by tens of thousands of
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: dollars it makes me ill. Chelsea. My question for you
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: is should I go back to school and take on
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: thousands of dollars more debt for a career that doesn't
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: quite pay out. Is there another way I could use
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: my gifts that I'm not thinking of? Any suggestions are welcome.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Mary Hi, Mary, Hi, Hi. Hilsey. Okay, So you're not
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: into your job anymore after everything you've been through, your
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: your back and you're not feeling it. M Yeah, pretty much.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: I was in a pretty dark, deep, severe depression for
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: most of one and I took some time off of
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: work was able to really work on myself. The therapy
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: really just like get my prescription medsal set and I
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: came back to my job and like, I'm so thankful
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: for my company and my coworkers. Everyone's been so great,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: but like I just don't care anymore. And it's like,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm getting pressured because like our company only
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: made like eight billion dollars less here instead of nine
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: and all this other stuff happening in the world, and
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I really feel like I'm being called or like that
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I need to do something more. But I don't know
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: if that's just because I'm new out of depression of
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: feeling great about life, or or you know, what I
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: really could do to move forward. Yeah, I would say,
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: first and foremost I think your mental health is paramount
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: to everything else that's you're talking about, even your job
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: and even debt. And I think that there are a
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: lot of avenues to pursue. None that I actually know
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: of and can speak to because I haven't gone back
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: to school, but I we have had this conversation with
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: callers before, and there are so many ways to get
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: financial aid, to receive grants, to get help with tuition.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: So the first and foremost you have to know, like
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: you don't have to be tens of thousands of dollars
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: in debt, Like you don't have to equate that with
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: an education. There are ways around that, Like would it
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: be possible for you to start going to school while
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: you're still working to kind of support yourself to a
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: degree while you're figuring everything out. Is that a possibility? Yeah,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: that is a possibility. And like something I've worked or
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: I've thought about. I think with the like growing up
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: with in a lower income family situation, debt and like
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: picking on more of it is like really scary to
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: think about. So that's kind of what holds me back,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: to be honest, But I think I'm supposed to distrust
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: and not worry about the financial aspect, but that's just
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: so hard when it's like, well, I grew up with
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: no money and that did suck. That's where I'm at. Yeah,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: that's hard, especially you said you wanted to look into
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: being a therapist or counselor now. Yeah. Yeah, And I'm like,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I just watched this documentary of this woman who just
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: puts out videos on YouTube about like spirituality or whatever.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: It turns out she's running a cult. But yeah, you
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: could just you know, if if that's your passion, like
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: giving people advice and helping people there there is a way,
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: I think now with social media and getting yourself out there.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: But I think, yeah, the education part coustom money unless
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: you're just educated on YouTube like me. I wasn't gonna
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: get to bring this up. But it's interesting than us
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: so that you say that, because I actually had a
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: carrot card reading last week and the reader kind of
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: gave me the same message. She said that there are
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: ways to reach people, even just like sharing her stories.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: She's like, there's so many media outlets are like revenues
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: to you. So so you're kind of like confirming what
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: she's already said. So yeah, and I think if it
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: is a social media thing, a YouTube thing, TikTok thing.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: I think that also connects you with people that can
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: teach you and interview and all that stuff. Yeah, for sure.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: And so you said there is a way though also
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: that you could go to school while still working at
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: your job, right, yeah I could. I mean, I'm single,
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: I don't have children, so like I do have the
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: free time. School would be okay. I do take writing
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: classes for fun because I like to be creative and that's,
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: you know, my outlet, So like I could take a
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: break on the classes. There is a school that really
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: close by that I could go to in person, and
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: so you know that is an option as far as viability. Yeah,
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: I think you should pursue that. I think that, like
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: you came out of this depression in this really hard time,
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: and like you have to be in tune with yourself
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: and in touch with what makes you happy. And identifying
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: that your workplace isn't bringing that joy for you anymore
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: is major. Like so many people are in denial of
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: their own feelings. So it's so important that you're in
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: touch with yourself enough to know that and just start
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: by doing those switch out those writing classes for these
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: counseling class is are pursuing something that equates to what
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: you see yourself doing in the therapy or counseling world.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: And when you get far enough along, you know, if
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: you're still working, you can supplement that you're not going
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: to go into huge debt. I understand fear of debt.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: I get that. I mean, I didn't grow up poor,
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: but I didn't grow up with any extra money. You know,
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: it was just kind of like, let's see what we
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: have this week. But I get it, and I understand
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: that it's a big fear. But like, don't let your
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: fear drive your future. You know, your happiness is so
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: important to you, and what you can do with that
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: and share with other people and light up other people
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: is just you just have to keep your eye on
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: that prize. You know you're gonna be able to help
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: other people. And whether that's through YouTube or social media
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: or whether you do it formally, it's never gonna hurt
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: for you to just get closer to your goals and
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: learn more about you know, what it is you want
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: to achieve, and then figure out how you're going to
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: implement all of that. Okay, Also, like volunteering, you know,
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: you know, women shelters or things like that that keeps
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: you connecting with people, which seems like that's what you love. Yeah,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: I do. And I love making that connection. That's sweet.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: That's so sweet of you. What a generous soul. Yeah,
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: it wasn't always like that. It's I feel like I
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: was like this when I was a child, Like I
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: was super kind and sweet and loving, and then you know,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: life happens and I, you know, went through the couple
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: of hard years and like now I feel like I'm
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: not I almost feel like a child again. Like I
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: feel like, no, I want to connect to people. I
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: want to show them like, hey, we can we can
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: be we can do positive things, like it can start
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: with one person. So yeah, I do. I I love it.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: I love connecting with people. So and I think what
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Vanessa said to about volunteering with a group might give
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: you a way to sort of dip your toe into
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: the water and see if sort of being surrounded by
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: other people's whether that's grief or other issues that they're
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: going through, is something that you do want to take
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: on full time, or whether that's something that is best
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: you know, as a volunteer possession, or that's sort of thing.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: But also, since you're a writer, you're probably going to
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: be good at writing applications for grants and things like that.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: Like Chelsea said, so, one book I would recommend for
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: you too is called What Color Is Your Parachute. There's
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: a sillion additions, so they're always coming out with new additions.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: I believe they speak somewhat to like how to pay
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: for school, but it's mostly about career transitions, figuring out
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: where your skill set lies and what's right for you,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: and like do you really want to do that? Do
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: you want to do something else? So that is a
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: good recommendation for you. I'm going to read that What
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: Color Is Your Color is Your Parachute and then to
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: look into that for reading. Yeah good, what you said
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: like an awesome person. So I'm so happy for you
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: that you're in a better, healthy place, Like the world
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: is ad you have the whole world at your fingertips,
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: Like look at it that way. I really do. Like
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: I was at a spot where I just didn't want
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: to live anymore and I was like making plans to
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: exit this life and something made me just like I
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: actually read to my mom and like I don't think
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: this is normal until I got to help. And now
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: I feel like I got almost like a second chance.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: I'm like we can all do it. And being able
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: to relate to other people that you've gone through that
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: dark place is huge, huge, Yeah yeah, yeah, and that's
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: what I would want to do. Like that's what I
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: really think is important to because like I thought I
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: was still alone then, Like when I was in that dark,
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: deep depression, I listened to some of me like audiobooks
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: and like I just want to hear voices and like
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: Chelsea your podcast with one of them, and like I
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: don't know, just to thank you, like just having that
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: like content ounce there was something that I was like, Okay,
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: just listen to Chelsea's book right now, and then you
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: can make your next decision about life nothing right and
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: think about that you can be that person to somebody
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: else you can be that you can Yeah yeah, I know,
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: I guess again, Yeah, I think finding yeah, other people
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: that have the same passion as you community, and that's
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: how your network and get to where you want to be.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: And remember, the most import thing in life is to
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: know what your purpose is, right, to know what your
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: passion is, what you care about the most, and you've
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: discovered that you're ahead of the game. Debt is not
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: going to be your issue, right, Yeah, thank you. I
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: needed that reminder. Thank you guys all because it's just
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: so hard to get that off of your shoulder or whatever.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: But you're right. When you know your purpose, you've got
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: to go for it. Yeah. Well, Mary, thank you so
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: much for calling in. Ye keep us posted, Mary, let
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: us know what happens okay and how you're progressing. Okay.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: I well, thank you guys so much so thanks meeting everyone,
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: you too, what I feel good? Oh that was so sweet.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: What a positive person. We need more people like that.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: You know. We have had a lot of callers lately though,
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: Vanessa that have wanted to become therapists, right, recurring theme,
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: And we're very pro therapy here. Obviously we're trying to
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: talk to the therapists ourselves, so we're not I mean,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: that's what we're attracted like minded people. Yeah. Well, our
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: next email comes from Lane. She says, Dear Chelsea, I
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: have a quote unquote straight friend that I've always had
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: a giant crush on. In the friend group, I'm the
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: only lesbian in the bunch, the other four being straight girls. Recently,
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: my crush has been talking to the group myself included
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: about how she doesn't see herself dating a man anytime
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: soon and has been more interested in dating girls, which
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: she's never done before. She asked if any of us
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: know any good lesbian TV shows, so naturally, I began
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: word vomiting all the good shows and movies that I know.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: Since this conversation, she's texted me separately from the group
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: to give me updates on the show. I suggested the
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: L word. This past weekend, the group went out to
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: a pub crawl to celebrate my birthday. I got super
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: drunk and basically hung out with my crush the entire time.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: A couple of my friends told me how obvious it
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: is that we like each other. After we all left
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: the bar, I decided, fuck it, I'm going to tell
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: her how I feel, so I texted her basically. She
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: responded by telling me, I'm not saying I'm not interested,
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: but perhaps a rain check for the future if the
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: timing is right, Because currently I don't want to date anyone.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: My question is how do I tell if she or
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: anyone really likes me. I really put myself out there
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: and got a pretty neutral response. I'm not sure if
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I should read it as she's just letting me down
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: easily or truly just doesn't know how she feels and
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: isn't ready to date a girl. Thanks for your help, Lane, Okay, Lane,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: First of all, that is good. That feedback was good.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: I feel like there's hope in that situation, right, Vanessa,
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: do you feel that, Oh yeah, it's whatever that pause
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: or you know, rain check she offered that's her ship
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: and maybe yeah, maybe she's not ready, Maybe she wants
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: to be single. Maybe she likes you so much that
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: she sees you as, oh yeah, if we get together,
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: it's going to be a thing, and she maybe she
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: just wants to play around for now. But I think
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: for sure, if the whole group sees that, y'all are
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: vibe in. There's a vibe. Yeah, there's a five. And
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: keep in mind, she's brand new to this, like she's
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: not ready to get down to business. Maybe, you know,
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: let's get to him, let's get to she. That's our
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: favorite song because we're forced to listen to a day
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: in and day out. But keep in mind, first of all,
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: what you did is bold and cool, Like that is
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: cool that you reached out to her, not in a
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: gross way. You didn't attack her or you know, in
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: a bathroom while you were drunk. You did it respectfully
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: over tex after you guys left each other, which is
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: the most respectful way you can ever approach someone. She
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: gave you her answer so completely respected, and let you know,
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: let the chips fall where they may. Maybe she'll come back.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: I bet you she will. I bet you down the
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: road she's going to come back, because, like Vanessa said,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: if the whole group saw it, it's happening and not
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: everybody was wrong, and there's a flirtation going. But you know,
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: you'll know when someone likes you when they respond in kind.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: Don't get way late by someone's lack of response or
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: lack of initiative. Initiative, don't that was good what you did.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: That's good to let people know how you feel and
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: give them the opportunity to reciprocate. You know, it doesn't
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: matter if you get rejected. And I don't even consider
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: that as a rejection, but it doesn't matter. It just
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: matters that you're honest about your feelings and you're never
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: gross or too forward about it. But yes, I think
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: that's good practice and to continue putting your feelings out
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: there when you have them for somebody with this experience,
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: you already did it. Let's see what happens. But I
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: do not take that as a rejection. Yeah, I think
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: it's so refreshing, you know. I think people that are
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: dating all my single friends, they play that game where
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: you have to hide how you feel about the other
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: person until they figure it out. And it's all codes,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: and it's like just say I like you, Do you
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: like me? No? Yes, let's move on, you know. And
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: that's how I knew the whole time I dated it
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: was I would always sell guys I like you, and
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: then they would play that game of like I like
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: you too, but you know, and I finally knew my
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: boyfriend liked me when he made moves to like hang
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: out with me, see me again, talk to me more.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, I guess this is what it
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: is when someone likes you. They make an effort. Yeah. Yeah,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: and you're not wrangling them all the time, right, Like
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: when you get somebody, it's worth all of the frogs
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: to get to the prince. It is so just count
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: and if you have to think of it in your head,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: like okay, here, I'm putting myself out one more time,
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: putting myself out there in order to get to the
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: real person. You can think of it like that, because
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: then it's like almost a means to an end, you know. Yeah,
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: And the hottest energy is like cool, not right now,
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: sounds good, and then you go do your own things.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: It's the hottest meeting us is the least hot things.
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: So if you're just like cool and then you just
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: like go buzz off, she's going to be crawling back,
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah. And it's yeah. I think it's
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: different when there's a friendship established, you don't wanna be like, Okay,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: we're dating. It's gonna she's gonna come around for sure,
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: and she knows you're around, so keep in mind. Keep
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: that in mind too. She knows you're abound. You guys
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: are part of a big group. So we'll keep us posted.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: Lane Well. Our next email comes from Carly. Carly is
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: in her twenties. Dear Chelsea, my cousin is like my sister.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: In April, my now husband and I eloped in his
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: hometown of Los Angeles, California. His family is not as
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: close as ours, and I was unsure if anyone from
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: his side of the family would even attend. It made
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: me so sad to think of our wedding with only
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: my side of the family, so instead, we kept it
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: simple and eloped in a beautiful garden, live streaming it
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: for family and friends to watch from afar on the day.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: My cousin was working and I knew not everyone would
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: be able to watch it live. But she didn't even
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: text me congratulations, despite being in family group chats where
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: everyone else was chiming in. She quote unquote liked one
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: of my texts that day and that was it. Time
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: went by and I was already so hurt by the
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: lack of acknowledgment on my big day. I was half
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: expecting her to get us a gift left off our
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: registry to make up for it, but she never did.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: I get it. It wasn't a traditional wedding and she's
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: never been a gift giver, but it was a milestone
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: in my life that was important to me, and I
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: feel like she just doesn't seem to realize that or care.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: It's not about the gift but the gesture, and it
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: makes me want to not get her anything on her
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: wedding day, even though I would never actually go through
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: with that. Do I bring it up and risk losing
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: someone I've considered a sister and a role model for
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: twenty seven years, or sweep it under the rug and
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: live with it. Carly and Asa, do you want to
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: start that one? Yeah? I feel like if your sister's
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: cousins and if you're bringing up to your close friend,
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: best friend, whatever this relationship is, that something they're doing
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: was upsetting to you, if that's gonna risk the whole relationship,
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's a strong relationship. I feel very
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: secure in my close friends with my family. If they
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: did something, I can say, hey, that hurt my feelings.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: But I'm not worried that this is gonna end our relationship.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: It's just going to be a conversation that we worked through.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: Because right now you're just assuming what she's thinking. What
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: is she managed you is you're not, and you're you're
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: trying to figure it out when you can just ask, hey,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: this I was expecting a little more on my big
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: day and it was kind of hurtful. What what was
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: going on? Yeah? I think that's true, and I think
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: you should definitely say something because it really is meaningful
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: to you. I mean, I don't think you should have
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: expectations about somebody getting you a gift or anything like that.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: But it's about her presence and her acknowledgement of that day.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: And she may have just thought that since you guys
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: were eloping and live streaming it, that it was like
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: you were playing it down and it wasn't as important
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: as as it is to you. So she may have
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: misread the signs and misread the circumstances to give her
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: the opportunity to explain that. And I think when you
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: come from a place of hurt and you're just like, listen,
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: you're somebody I've looked up to for twenty plus years
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: that I've considered a sister. I did want you there
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: with me on that day, maybe not physically in person,
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: but maybe I wasn't clear like I I want you
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: there in support. You know, this is the biggest moment
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: in my life, or one of the biggest moments for sure.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: So I don't think anything you can say would be
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: wrong as long as you're not attacking her, you know,
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: and you're just coming from a place of love and
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: like her, And I will say I looked up the
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: wedding etiquette rules on this, and really, I mean it's
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: not required if someone elopes, it's not required to buy
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: a gift, according to etiquette rules. But you know what
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: you said here about like it's a milestone in my life.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: I think, just like Chelsea said, that's the language to use,
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: like this was hurtful. That like maybe you could have
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: sent a card. But the other thing is like your
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: cousin was probably just wrapped up in her own ship
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: that day or that week, you know, where we all
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: are like doing our own thing, and like we're so
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: close she won't even mind. You know, it probably was
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: not intentional to hurt you. Yeah, that's what I've learned
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: over the pandemic, where everyone was freaking out in their
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: own way. No one's thinking about you or your ship.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: Everyone's dealing with their own stuff, and we're just taking
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: everything personal, for sure. Everybody's taking everything way more personally
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: during this time, that's for sure. Yeah, and it's all
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: just been a little weird. You know, we haven't been
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: able to go to weddings or funerals or get together
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: as or further to lie or any of that stuff.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: So well, Carly, let us know how it goes. Good
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: Louve Carly let us know well. Our next email comes
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: from Thomas. Thomas says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a non binary
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: queer person. I recently came to a decision with my
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: ex to rekindle our relationship. We were together for two
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: years and have been separated for a little over three
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: years now. My partner is a therapist, and it's possibly
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: the most amazing human being I have ever met. He
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: makes me smile, laugh, and feel like I can fully
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: be myself around him. We haven't made it official at
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: all that we're monogamous, but are letting things progress naturally. Recently,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: we went out together and I experienced a few instances
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: where he was approached by guys that fit a specific
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: mold of conventionality and regards to looks, muscles, tall, etcetera.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: I'm sort of insecure because I don't have motivation to
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: hit the gym regularly and be that type of person.
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'm less than I just find it
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: hard not to compare myself to these people that my
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: partner finds attractive. My question to you is how do
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: I combat the urge to doubt myself and own my
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: attributes with my partner so I can become a better
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: partner for him. Thomas. Oh, good question, Thomas. That's very
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: common as so many people feel that way, and I
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: think you have to, Like you just said so many
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: beautiful things about your partner there with you for a reason.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: You know, he loves you for the reason that he
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: loves you. Like the compare and contrast game never results
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: in any positive good feelings about yourself. Comparing yourself to
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: what you think your boyfriend or partner likes or what
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: he said he likes doesn't matter because he's chosen to
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: be with you, and you need to focus on that
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: and remember that you know, I'm sure you're interest and
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: other people that you're not with also physically that you're
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: attracted those people, that doesn't mean that you want to
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: be with them. So you have to remember that your
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: place is with your person, and you know, unless they
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: give you a real, substantial reason to feel like they're
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: not into you, then those feelings and misgivings are just
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: in your head and you just have to exercise that
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: that ability to deprogram yourself of that thinking. You have
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: to always just say this is in my head, this
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: is not real. I'm with him and we're together, were
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: a couple, and and eventually that won't matter to you
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: him looking around or you looking at what he finds attractive.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: He has the ability to go off and be with
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: another person if he wants to. Yeah, I feel like
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: at the beginning of my relationship, because it was my
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: first real relationship, I was so jealous, so insecure, and
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: I I thought that, you know, because he was thought
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: other things or people were attractive, that meant something about me.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: But it took a while to learn it means that
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: has nothing to do with who you love, who you're
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: attracted to. Yeah, I'm also attracted to you know, the
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: Rock and j Low and all that. So but yeah,
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: it's hard when I would always be hard on myself,
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: like why am I so insecure? Why can't Why am
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: I so jealous? And it is because, you know, shitty
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: guys before would lie to me and tell me no
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: when ship was happening and all that. So there's a
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: reason why we're insecure and past relationships and all that.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: But once you find someone that's actually with you, choosing
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: you makes you happy, you kind of have to, like
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: Chelsea said, deep, program yourself, find a way to find
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: that love within yourself. And that's what being in a
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: relationship has taught me is I thought, oh, having a
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: boyfriend's gonna make me feel so great and be confident,
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: But I actually had to start working on myself because
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: he didn't fix all my ship like I thought he was. Yeah, exactly,
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: And that's work that you have to do. That's yeah,
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: that's an inside job, not an outside job. So you
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: have to figure that out. But as long as you
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: did know that you identified the issue, it's easy to
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: fix the issue, you know. I mean, it's easier said
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: than done. But as long as you're being honest with
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: yourself and understand like, Okay, this is an issue, this
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: is not real, this is what's in my head, and
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: have a dialogue and remember, like the thoughts you're having,
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: you're aware of those thoughts you're having, and so you're
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: aware of reminding yourself that these aren't real thoughts. If
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: that makes sense, you should if anyone who's listening to
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: this podcast and should make sense to them. Well, let's
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be right back with
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: Vanessa and Chelsea and we're back. Well, Vanessa, we like
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: to ask if our guests have any advice they'd like
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: to get from Chelsea. Is there anything you'd like to ask? Yeah,
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: you know, I was thinking about it, and I know
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: when we're on the road, I ask you for advice.
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: You give me a lot of helpful tips. But I
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: know you're a dog owner. I'm a dog owner. Is
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: there a good song to sing to your dogs to
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: put them to sleep? Do you have one? Do you
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: not sing to your dogs? Don't accuse me of anything, Vanissa,
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: and you know you know I don't fucking sing to
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: my dogs. No, that's not true. I sing it's a
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: beautiful day in the neighborhood to them all the time,
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: but not I sing. I make up lots of songs,
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: but I say it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Would you be mine?
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: And then I suck on bird's nose? Could you be mine?
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: But no, good one? Yeah, that is a good one.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: It's sweet. And also, if you're like me and you
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: can't sing, which I'm sure you don't have that problem
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: because you're Latina and you have rhythm and can't sing.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: You should have seen Vanessa trying to teach me to
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: do a TikTok dance once she was like, what is
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: wrong with you? I'm like, I told you, I don't
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: have any rhythm. She's like no, seriously, like just move
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: your arm like I'm showing you. It was like this simple,
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: and I was like what, I like headbutted myself. But yeah,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: I think that's always a soothing song. I whenever I
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: hear that song, I always just melt. I like that.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna try that one. I always sing hopelessly devoted
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: to my not that's cute, that sexual so oh that's lovely. Okay, well,
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: we want to thank you Vanessa for being on the
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: podcast today. Please follow Vanessa, Vanessa Comedy, Vanessa G. What
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: is it? Vanessa Ga, Vanessa Comedy, Vanessa Gynecological. I'm Vanessa's gynecologist.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: First of all, you are, She's yeah, I'm her pharmacologist
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: and her gynecologist, although she doesn't always believe that I'm
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: a gynecologist. But Vanessa G. Comedy on Instagram and Vanessa
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: Comedy dot com website, and yeah, you could find me
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: on or with Chelsea. We're going to keep this party
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: going all year. Yeah. Oh yeah, thank you, Vanessa, thank
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: you all. That was fun, have a great day YouTube
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: and if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: one of her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.