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Why Is It So Hard To Leave A Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So why is it so hard to let go of a narcissist?
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  Like what makes it so difficult to disconnect from a narcissist
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  or toxic person? Like, what is it?
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  Like what makes these relationships so damn hard to
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  leave? Like, you've had breakups before
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  in the past, but they've never been as hard to leave.
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  They've been amicable. You've been there to be friends.
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  But this one right here, that's what we digging in today, y'all?
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  If you're here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back folks, welcome
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  back, welcome back yes y'all before we hop too deep in
• 0:52
  today's episode, make sure you check the description y'all the
• 0:55
  video take a look at joining the channel membership as possible.
• 0:58
  If you want to y'all special perks different things coming
• 1:00
  along. I got some different tiers
• 1:02
  coming to y'all description for everything.
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  But yes, I got a question like this from a person from one of
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  the ladies in my support group, the mental healers, right?
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  She asked the question, why is it so hard to leave?
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  Why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so hard to disconnect
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  from this person? Even though I know it's the
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  right thing to do, even though I know it's the best course of
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  action for me and my kids or whoever else is in this
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  situation? Why is it so difficult for me to
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  let go? And this person in particular
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  had been in the relationship over 10 years.
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  So we've been going on over 10 years.
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  I was just like, look, you got 10 years in it.
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  Now some of y'all might not have 10 years, right?
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  Some of y'all might not have 10 years in a relationship, which
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  is understandable. So me might have 10 months.
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  So me might have, I don't say 10 days, but if it's hard to leave
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  after 10 days, we, we might need to go sit down and talk to a
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  therapist, right? If you in a relationship, it's
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  difficult to leave after 10 days, you, you're addicted, you
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  in love. You might need to go sit down
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  and talk to a therapist, go talk to another lady, right?
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  For real, 'cause there's something going on there.
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  We got to we got we have to address the stuff inside of us
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  first, right, But ten months, 10 day and that 10 day, 10 months,
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  10 years, a year, 2 years, three years, however long it is, y'all
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  these these relationships with narcissistic people are not
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  normal relationships. That's what it's so hard, so
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  difficult. I think that's what's so
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  difficult for a lot of people to realize that this relationship
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  is not a normal relationship. So when you use the term normal
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  relationship or back in the day I never I never had a problem
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  leaving a normal relationship. I like this because it was
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  normal. Both of y'all might have just
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  grown apart. It was amicable.
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  You can still be friends, you can still be cool.
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  You can still Co parent effectively and not have any
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  jealousy or animosity towards each other.
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  You can still have you know, you can still be cool and whatnot.
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  But with a narcissist, narcissistic people tip tend to
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  get it's, it's more mental, it's more mental.
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  It's physical stuff involved as well, right?
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  But it's more mental. They get, they get they get so
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  deeply embedded in your subconscious mind that it makes
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  it so difficult to leave this type of person because they're
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  so deeply embedded in your mind. They love bomb the hell out of
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  you. Y'all love bombing feels
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  amazing. Let's be real.
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  Let's be real. Love bombing feels amazing.
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  It does. You've never felt this way
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  before, remember? You said that.
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  You might have not said it directly to them, but you said
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  it. You felt it.
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  You said it to yourself. I've never felt this way before.
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  Exactly. They love bomb you.
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  It's a bomb. It blows up.
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  Y'all love bomb is not like a little poop.
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  It's not going to go. No, it's a damn bomb, an atomic
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  bomb. When you imagine a bomb going
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  off, do you imagine a little pop like a firecracker?
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  No, you're a little. The little white poppers used to
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  have back in the day. You throw it on the ground and
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  pop, I think it's gunpowder, whatever it is like a little
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  white, little tiny little white bag.
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  You throw it in the pop. We just throw it to each other
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  back in the day. Pop, pop, pop.
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  That's not a love bomb, that's a little pop When you imagine a
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  bomb going off, it blows the hell up.
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  You see those it makes a damn mushroom cloud, right?
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  It but like like the like the atomic bomb, instead of making a
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  mushroom cloud like a nuke, it makes a heart-shaped cloud
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  because there's a then it then it breaks down in the middle.
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  It's a heart. It blows the hell up massive
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  explosion and it makes a heart-shaped cloud instead of a
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  mushroom cloud. And then now in the middle, it's
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  broken because at least a heartbreak, it blows up, there's
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  debris, there's shrapnel. They get so deeply embedded in
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  you when it blows up that it's hard to get all the pieces out.
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  It really is. Imagine a, imagine a piece of,
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  of, of like a glass bomb blowing up, right?
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  A glass bomb blowing up and then like the glass got all into your
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  arms and legs. It's going to take a while to
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  get it out, isn't it? That's what narcissists do.
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  They don't just affect one part of your life.
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  They affect a lot of different, so many different parts of your
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  life. They absolutely do.
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  They affect so many parts of your life, then it makes it
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  extremely difficult to disconnect from them.
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  It makes it extremely difficult to get away from them.
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  It makes it extremely difficult to see your life without them.
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  It does. So one thing that you have to do
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  in order to finally let go of a narcissist is to let yourself
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  feel free. Be nice to you.
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  Don't call yourself stupid. Don't call yourself dumb.
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  I can't believe I'm so dumb to fall for this.
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  I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid.
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  I'm so dumb. I'm so ignorant.
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  Guess what your mind is going to do?
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  Your mind is going to find ways to make you feel dumb and stupid
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  and ignorant. Your mind is going to do that.
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  Your mind is going to find all those ways that you should have.
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  You should have left this relationship.
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  Your mind is going to find all the red flags that you missed.
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  Your mind is going to find all of that.
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  So now it ends up being up to you to determine what's next for
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  you. It really is.
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  You have to determine what is next for you in these situations
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  right here. Start picking out the pieces of
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  glass from the love bomb going off.
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  I'm not saying it was all fake. There's so many people would
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  just so many people that are dealing with narcissists will
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  tell you this all fake, right? They were just like it was all
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  fake from the beginning. You got a faked out, my dear.
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  You were faked out by master manipulator y'all.
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  I know I have a personality disorder that is typically
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  typically accompanied by a lack of empathy, but I even I know it
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  would be hard for me to tell somebody who's been married for
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  30 years that your entire relationship was fake, that it
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  didn't mean anything. The person never loved you.
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  Y'all be dropping bombs on people like that?
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  That's wild to me. That's wild.
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  I'm not saying they never loved you.
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  I'm saying that they they couldn't love you to the ability
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  that you deserve to be loved. Now can't.
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  Now can some of these bastards be evil?
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  Absolutely, positively evil. They could be, right?
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  They absolutely be positively evil.
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  But that's not the one we talked about today, right?
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  We talk about the toxic narcissistic people that stick
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  with you for a long time and it goes bad.
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  There are good times in it as well sometimes, right?
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  But when it goes bad, oh boy, does it go bad, don't it?
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  Oh boy, when it goes bad, it go bad, bad, don't it?
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  But that's something we have to deal with together.
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  That's something we have to understand together as you're
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  moving forward to just learn how to deal with this type of
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  personality dynamic because it's going to be difficult to finally
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  let this person go. I promise you it is.
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  I promise you want to be hardest thing that you're going to do
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  is, is release yourself from this narcissistic person.
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  That's one of the toughest things that you're going to have
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  to do. And you're going to have to find
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  ways to be strong because not every narcissist is going to
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  make easy on you. Some of them will disappear.
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  Some of them will go straight, but some of them you got to see
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  every day. Some of them, your kids look
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  sexy just like them. So even when even when they're
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  not around you, you get this little little bald headed little
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  baby that look just like them. You go, oh, baby, you look just
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  like your Mama. Makes it tough, doesn't it?
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  So it's hard to leave because they get deeply into your
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  subconscious. Trauma.
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  They trauma. Yeah, Yeah, a lot of the
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  relationship is traumatic. Relationships with narcissists,
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  damn near trauma on wheels. It is.
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  It's going to be difficult to leave because they get so deeply
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  embedded in your emotional stem. They barrel so deeply like a
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  damn narcissistic little tick and they get, they feel you know
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  how ticks bite? If ticks bite you and they get
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  full on your blood, narcissistic people bite you and they get
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  full on your validation. They get full on your, they get
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  full on your supply, they get high on your supply.
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  And when a little narcissistic tick butt gets too full, they
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  pop. And when they pop, they blame
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  you. Instead of looking internally
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  figured out, trying to understand why they need
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  validation from an outside source, they blame you.
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  They will rather put it on to you than to take a deep look
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  within themselves and try to move forward in any way, shape
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  or form. They would rather put it on to
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  you because put it on to you makes it easy.
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  Look at internally. That's tough to do.
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  Look at it internally. That's a hard ass thing to do,
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  y'all. It really, really is.
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  So it's just like as you fall, as you keep dealing with this
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  narcissistic person, this toxic person, whoever they are, just
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  understand that you will survive.
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  You will move forward. Understand that life without
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  them, it might not be easy at first, but it gets easier over
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  time because so many people it gets harder to leave because you
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  can't see a future without them because they so deeply embedded
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  in your life. You can't seem to leave because
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  you think you're going to. You think staying for the kids
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  is good. You can't seem to leave because
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  you don't want to break your family up even though the family
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  was broken up when they started cheating and hitting on you or
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  beating on you or lying to you, manipulating gas like you,
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  yelling at you. It's not only it's not your
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  fault. Y'all narcissist.
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  We're going to narcissize, right?
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  Narcissist are going to narcissist.
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  They're going to be them. We're going to be us.
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  As I'm saying, they not like us, they're not like you.
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  So understand that it's going to take time to leave, right?
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  I know I've wrote, I finished my course, my video series called
• 10:59
  Finding Your Why. It's about leaving a toxic
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  narcissistic relationship. It's a video series that
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  consists of over 40, not over 40 of 40 videos that are designed
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  to help you leave and understand what you went through in a toxic
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  narcissistic relationship. You can find all of that in my
• 11:13
  website, mentalillness.net. And for the end of the rest of
• 11:17
  the month, we have a deal going on.
• 11:19
  You can enter the code mothers MOTHERS for half off mothers,
• 11:24
  MOTHERS cause his Mother's Day right?
• 11:26
  Hit the subscribe button y'all. I got a one-on-one I got to do
• 11:29
  now for zoom and I'm out peace. What up y'all what up Before you
• 11:33
  leave make sure to hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 11:35
  It just helps us reach more people.
• 11:37
  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net.
• 11:41
  My coaching, my courses. I have a couple of courses that
• 11:44
  can help you understand and help you heal and also have a support
• 11:47
  group all available at mentalillness.net.
• 11:49
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 11:51
  later. Peace.