Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 423. How to f*ck up a good thing by looking for something else only to lose it all

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423. How to f*ck up a good thing by looking for something else only to lose it all · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful human beings, Human beings, and welcome to the
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Speaker 1: podcast episode of Today. So this podcast episode was actually
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Speaker 1: inspired by some off the cuff impromptu questions that I
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Speaker 1: was asked at the live show during the meet and
0:29
Speaker 1: Great So I was doing a meet and greet after
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Speaker 1: every live show and a few people were like, I
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Speaker 1: just quickly need advice on something. What would you advise
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Speaker 1: if dot dot dot? And I'll give you a prime
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Speaker 1: example in a second. So I thought, based on these questions,
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Speaker 1: I'm going to title this episode how to fuck up
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Speaker 1: a good thing by chasing something that never existed. So
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Speaker 1: obviously I'm not going to actually teach you how to
0:49
Speaker 1: fuck up a good thing. I'm going to try and
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Speaker 1: teach you how to not to how to not to
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Speaker 1: fuck up a good thing. But I thought this is
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Speaker 1: a prime example of what so many of us do, Like,
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Speaker 1: we are so like is this right? Is it? And
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Speaker 1: then we end up throwing it down the drain, whether
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Speaker 1: it's a friendship, whether it's a romantic relationship, whether it's
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Speaker 1: a job, whether it's an opportunity in the hopes of
1:13
Speaker 1: something shinier and better. Now, another big reason why I
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Speaker 1: wanted to do this episode is because often I talk
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Speaker 1: about take the leap of faith, do that strong thing,
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Speaker 1: leave if it's not working. So we're going to break
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Speaker 1: down the difference because a lot of people are like, yeah,
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Speaker 1: well kun't you always talk about, you know, having the
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Speaker 1: balls to leave and moving countries, and it's always about
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Speaker 1: going and doing the thing. But for those people that
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Speaker 1: are really stuck being like, what if I'm about to
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Speaker 1: give up something that's really good because I'm always looking
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Speaker 1: for the next best thing and I'm never satisfied. That's
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Speaker 1: what we're going to talk about. We're going to learn
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Speaker 1: the difference of knowing when to leave, when to chase
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Speaker 1: that thing, when to take the leap of faith, versus
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Speaker 1: when to actually learn what you've got that's good and
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Speaker 1: not being in one of those positions of like, oh,
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Speaker 1: you only knew what you had until you lost it
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Speaker 1: and then you can't get it back. Because that sucks
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Speaker 1: to me in that position as well, if we've ever
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Speaker 1: if any of you have ever been in that position.
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Speaker 1: So that's what we're talking about today now the reason
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Speaker 1: so and also we're gonna you're gonna get a lot
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Speaker 1: of clarity by the end of this episode. That's the
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Speaker 1: aim clarity is the aim. Now, let's talk about this
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Speaker 1: live show question. In particular, two Melbourne beautiful angels came
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Speaker 1: up to me that were best is. We had a
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Speaker 1: lovely little chat and one of the young ladies women
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Speaker 1: girls ladies said to me, she was like, my friend
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Speaker 1: right now is in the most green flag relationship ever.
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Speaker 1: This guy is a walking green flag. He's amazing. But
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Speaker 1: she is so unsure and she's always questioning it. What
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Speaker 1: does she do? And I was like, I've had a
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Speaker 1: few questions that are quite similar to this, like on
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Speaker 1: that wavelength. So I'm like, this is this is the problem.
3:00
Speaker 1: It's this concept of always thinking that the grass is
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Speaker 1: greener on the other side, and often we don't live
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Speaker 1: in a state of appreciation because we are so primed
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Speaker 1: to always think of bigger, better, bigger better, you know,
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Speaker 1: Like we look at other people's relationships and we romanticize
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Speaker 1: that kind of relationship, whether it's you know, that person
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Speaker 1: in person or on social media. You look at this
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Speaker 1: romantic love and you think, oh my god, that's what
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Speaker 1: I want. And the person that I'm dating right now,
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Speaker 1: I'm not getting that right now? So am I going
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Speaker 1: to settle? I'm gonna actually settle when I could have
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Speaker 1: this amazing love story, and then you find yourself second guessing,
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Speaker 1: second guessing, and never really committing to the relationship. This
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Speaker 1: is one of the prime issues with dating apps. And
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Speaker 1: you know, my take on dating apps is very neutral
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Speaker 1: because I think there's a lot of good that can
3:54
Speaker 1: come out of dating apps. There's a lot of great
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Speaker 1: like a lot of my friends have actually met their
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Speaker 1: partners on dating apps. But then the issue and it
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Speaker 1: doesn't it's not necessarily apps, but it's just more obvious
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Speaker 1: on the apps. It's where you don't want to lock
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Speaker 1: anything in because you're looking at it as but the
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Speaker 1: next best thing might just be around the corner. So
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Speaker 1: why would I lock this in? And even if I
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Speaker 1: am saying this person, I'm going to keep my options
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Speaker 1: open on the app, and then they're never really satisfied
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Speaker 1: because they're never really delving deep and giving it. They're
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Speaker 1: all on something. So one of the most important things
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Speaker 1: that we need to think about is how to really
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Speaker 1: be comfortable in a situation. And the number one thing
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Speaker 1: I'm going to say I will give you dot points
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Speaker 1: further on in this episode, but number one is you
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Speaker 1: have to act as if okay, for the for the
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Speaker 1: positive and for the negative. So for example, what so
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Speaker 1: in a nutshell what I said as my response to
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Speaker 1: this woman in Melbourne, I said, for the next three
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Speaker 1: months or less. I'm just three months. I'm just throwing
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Speaker 1: out a number that might be way too long. But
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Speaker 1: for the ne next three months, I want you to
5:02
Speaker 1: pretend that this is the best relationship you've ever had.
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Speaker 1: This is the love of your life. This is it.
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Speaker 1: It's the be all end all. You are in love,
5:11
Speaker 1: right because when you act as if or you stop
5:16
Speaker 1: focusing on but what could be out there? What could
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Speaker 1: be out there, and you start behaving differently to that thing,
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Speaker 1: whether it's a person, whether it's a job, whether it's
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Speaker 1: a city, you start to really get comfortable and sink
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Speaker 1: your teeth into this being your life, and you then
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Speaker 1: begin to romanticize your reality instead of romanticizing the next
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Speaker 1: best thing, the thing that's on the other side of
5:40
Speaker 1: this door, that just looks good on paper. But I
5:43
Speaker 1: also don't have to go through the ins, the outs,
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Speaker 1: that the highs and lows, the good days the bad days. Right,
5:50
Speaker 1: So what happens is you start to become really receptive
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Speaker 1: to this person, this person then's like, wow, you're really
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Speaker 1: receptive to me. They start, especially if they're really into you,
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Speaker 1: they start then giving you more of themselves. They want
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Speaker 1: to do things for you, they want to, you know,
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Speaker 1: create memories with you. They you know, they're funny, they're
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Speaker 1: more relaxed. They're also more relaxed because if someone senses
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Speaker 1: that you are on the fence, this person's going to
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Speaker 1: be stressed. This person's not going to feel emotionally secure. Okay.
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Speaker 1: And when you look at relationships, the way I look
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Speaker 1: at it is you can't guarantee fucking shit in a relationship. Okay.
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Speaker 1: I don't think it's fair to say to someone promise
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Speaker 1: me you'll never leave me. That's bullshit because we go
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Speaker 1: through many evolutions in our life. You can't make those promises. However,
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Speaker 1: you can make someone feel emotionally secure in a relationship
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Speaker 1: by saying, as far as I know, and as far
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Speaker 1: as I know myself, I only want to be with you.
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Speaker 1: I only want to dedicate this kind of you know,
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Speaker 1: emotions and energy to you, and if that changes, I
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Speaker 1: promise I will always communicate with how I feel. That's
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Speaker 1: all I would ever expect from my partners and that's
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Speaker 1: all I can ever hope to do for my partners.
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Speaker 1: But when someone is like that, and when you can
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Speaker 1: tell that they're honest and they're like, I'm here, this
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Speaker 1: is where all my energy is going into, then you
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Speaker 1: can start to relax. And when you begin to relax,
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Speaker 1: So if you're doing this to a partner, your partner,
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Speaker 1: you're going to see the best side of them, the
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Speaker 1: best and then before you know it. This is if
7:17
Speaker 1: it works out, before you know it, the relationship that
7:20
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm I don't know ends up being the
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Speaker 1: kind of relationship that you look at other people and romanticize.
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Speaker 1: You have fun together, you laugh, you trust each other,
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Speaker 1: you have adventures, you can travel together, you love just
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Speaker 1: even sitting in silence with them. They become your person,
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Speaker 1: someone that you can come home and vent to or
7:41
Speaker 1: bitch about something chaotic that happened at work or whatever,
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Speaker 1: and you're like, I, all of a sudden, have gone
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Speaker 1: from I'm not sure to I'm obsessed with what I
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Speaker 1: have with this person because I invested. I invested my
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Speaker 1: time and my energy. And then on the flip side,
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Speaker 1: the beauty of it is, if you went all in
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Speaker 1: for these three months, maybe by the one month mark,
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Speaker 1: you've got your answer. You're like, no, I genuinely went
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Speaker 1: all in. I'm I'm really giving it my all, but
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Speaker 1: that it's not it. It's not it. My feelings haven't developed.
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Speaker 1: And that's how you know, because if you're like, yeah,
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Speaker 1: but it's been a month, I don't know. If your
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Speaker 1: feelings haven't evolved after giving it your all and acting
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Speaker 1: as if they are your person, then there is your answer,
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Speaker 1: and then you you're better off anyway, because when you
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Speaker 1: when you give it, you're all. Either outcome is a
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Speaker 1: win because you either get the relationship that you want
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Speaker 1: because you invested and they in turn invest back into you.
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Speaker 1: You either fall in love with the city that you
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Speaker 1: were unsure of that you moved to because you gave
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Speaker 1: it your all and then the city started giving back
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Speaker 1: to you. And if it turns out that you're not
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Speaker 1: happy with your situ, with your you know, arrangement, in your life, whatever,
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Speaker 1: you're like, I only had to invest one month off
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Speaker 1: my all and I really got the right answer. So
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Speaker 1: I'm going to use mood cities as an example. Let's
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Speaker 1: say you are siga, everyone's shit, your job, the city.
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Speaker 1: You're like, I'm done, I want something different, or you're
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Speaker 1: not even necessarily sick of everyone's so maybe you're like,
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Speaker 1: I want an adventure and I've always wanted to move
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Speaker 1: to London, Paris, wherever it is. So say you're in Australia,
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Speaker 1: you pack up your shit and you go and you
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Speaker 1: move to what about London, a city in Europe, and
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Speaker 1: you're there thinking, Yep, this is my adventure, this is
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Speaker 1: it's going to be incredible, everything's going to be amazing.
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Speaker 1: And when you get there, you are still met with
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Speaker 1: having to work, having to pay for things, having to
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Speaker 1: fund like, you're still met with the mundane off life
9:41
Speaker 1: that life hands to you whether you like it or not,
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Speaker 1: no matter where you are, unless you're literally on holidays,
9:47
Speaker 1: which is a holiday from your life, right, But if
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Speaker 1: you're moving to another city, you're still gonna be met
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Speaker 1: with all these things. So you just take yourself from
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Speaker 1: one location and you're still dealing with yourself in another location,
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Speaker 1: and you're expect for the location for the city to
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Speaker 1: answer all your problems, to answer all to fill all
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Speaker 1: the voids. We do that with people as well, so
10:09
Speaker 1: we're expecting all these voids to be filled and it's
10:11
Speaker 1: not really happening. So then you think, oh, God, like
10:14
Speaker 1: a fuck, you know, and then you watching on social
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Speaker 1: media all your friends back at home. You know, summer's
10:20
Speaker 1: coming around. Back at home, they're starting to maybe go
10:23
Speaker 1: to the beach or they're hanging out, they're having like
10:25
Speaker 1: sunset drinks. And then you start to romanticize home, the
10:30
Speaker 1: fucking place that you couldn't wait to get away from,
10:34
Speaker 1: right So then you're like, fuck, that looks really good.
10:36
Speaker 1: Maybe if I moved back home it would be different. Maybe,
10:39
Speaker 1: And then you start romantic the grass is fucking greener
10:42
Speaker 1: where you just left. So then you think, all right,
10:47
Speaker 1: fuck this, I'm coming back home. So you book your ticket.
10:51
Speaker 1: And this is what's really common. It happens a lot,
10:53
Speaker 1: and I've had a lot of people write to me
10:55
Speaker 1: about this. They book their ticket back home that they
10:58
Speaker 1: organized to leave. They'd been there for maybe five months,
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Speaker 1: not loving it. So then they've booked their ticket home,
11:03
Speaker 1: and they've got a month left in that city. And
11:05
Speaker 1: then when the pressure is off in that final month
11:08
Speaker 1: because they're thinking, well, it's not a permanent thing, or
11:11
Speaker 1: they then start to see this city in a completely
11:13
Speaker 1: different light. They then start to relax there's no pressure,
11:16
Speaker 1: they start to enjoy it. Then they start to second
11:18
Speaker 1: fucking guess themselves, don't they Then they're like, fuck, now
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Speaker 1: I'm starting to like it. Should I have even booked
11:24
Speaker 1: that ticket? Shit? And then they've got that mental chaos
11:27
Speaker 1: and they come back home they're not happy, and then
11:28
Speaker 1: before they know it's six months later they're moving to
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Speaker 1: another fucking city, and the whole cycle repeats itself, because
11:35
Speaker 1: when you're mentally checking out of something, the other thing
11:38
Speaker 1: looks better, right. So I guess the main thing that
11:44
Speaker 1: I wanted to say with the example of the city
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Speaker 1: is that a big thing is you are minimum fifty
11:52
Speaker 1: percent of the experience that you're going to have. So
11:55
Speaker 1: you can't expect that person to answer all your problems
11:59
Speaker 1: or all your questions fill in all your voice. You
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Speaker 1: can't expect the job, or the city or the new
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Speaker 1: home that you moved into. You are still you. You're
12:06
Speaker 1: still bringing yourself to every single thing, and you are
12:09
Speaker 1: still responsible for most of the experiences that you're going
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Speaker 1: to have based on your attitude and your interactions and
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Speaker 1: your outlooks towards everything that you interact with on every
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Speaker 1: single plane. Okay, another exempt, you to ponder is if
12:24
Speaker 1: you were to spend the next thirty minutes right now,
12:26
Speaker 1: If you were to pause this fucking podcast and think
12:29
Speaker 1: the next thirty minutes about all the things that your
12:32
Speaker 1: best friend does to piss you off, or your partner
12:36
Speaker 1: or your sibling, you are very likely going to be
12:41
Speaker 1: pissed off, cold annoyed. When you see them. You're going
12:44
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, like, I'm just on edge, I'm
12:47
Speaker 1: not in the best mood. You're not really receptive because
12:50
Speaker 1: you've just spent thirty minutes thinking about everything that pisces
12:53
Speaker 1: you off about this person, all the things that annoy
12:54
Speaker 1: you about this person. Right, if you were to then
12:57
Speaker 1: do the opposite and spend thirty minutes thinking off the
13:01
Speaker 1: things you love about them, but also really funny times
13:04
Speaker 1: you've had together, really great encounters, really great experiences that
13:07
Speaker 1: you've had, and you just really relish in it. When
13:11
Speaker 1: you see them, they're going to be like, WHOA, why
13:13
Speaker 1: are you so excited to see me? Because you're like, oh,
13:15
Speaker 1: fucking love you so much. You're just at your attitude
13:18
Speaker 1: towards this person. So what you focus on will very
13:21
Speaker 1: heavily kind of imprint on your behavior the next time
13:26
Speaker 1: you interact with that person and with that job or
13:28
Speaker 1: the city. Okay, so you also have to really pay
13:32
Speaker 1: close attention to what am I doing in my head
13:37
Speaker 1: when it comes to this thing, because yes, there's going
13:41
Speaker 1: to be times where it actually I know right from wrong,
13:44
Speaker 1: I know shit from good. I know when I'm being
13:47
Speaker 1: bullied at work and it's a bad workplace versus when
13:51
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit bored. But there's actually a lot
13:53
Speaker 1: of good things in this workplace, and there's a lot
13:55
Speaker 1: of like you know, when you're really stuck between a
13:57
Speaker 1: decision because you're like, there's potential career to reject. There's
14:00
Speaker 1: potentially all these things, but it's not shiny and new
14:02
Speaker 1: and I'm just bored that versus this is a shit
14:06
Speaker 1: workplace in a career that I know I don't want
14:08
Speaker 1: to be in. There's very different. Okay, let's go through
14:11
Speaker 1: some key points that have written down here. Okay. The
14:13
Speaker 1: first thing is you don't want to mistake comfort and
14:17
Speaker 1: consistency for boredom. We're really good at doing that. If
14:20
Speaker 1: you mistake comfort and consistency for boredom, you're going to
14:23
Speaker 1: be one of those people that need something new and
14:25
Speaker 1: exciting all the fucking time. You can never be truly
14:29
Speaker 1: present and you can never be truly grateful for what
14:33
Speaker 1: it is that you have in your life right now.
14:35
Speaker 1: So when something becomes comfortable and consistent. People do this
14:39
Speaker 1: with relationships a lot. They think you're boring. I'm bored.
14:42
Speaker 1: I need to be entertained. Entertainment in your life can
14:46
Speaker 1: come in all shapes and forms, but it doesn't have
14:48
Speaker 1: to be twenty four seven, and it absolutely should not
14:51
Speaker 1: be from your partner twenty four seven. You need kind
14:56
Speaker 1: of that comfort baseline, and then you have your excitement
14:59
Speaker 1: and your entertainment here and there, kind of scattered throughout right.
15:04
Speaker 1: If you think that peace feels unfamiliar, it's because you're
15:09
Speaker 1: used to chaos in your life and you think that
15:11
Speaker 1: chaos is the standard and peace is this doesn't feel
15:15
Speaker 1: right now, I'm bored. Instead of thinking what can I
15:17
Speaker 1: do with this piece now that I have peace? What
15:20
Speaker 1: can I do with my time? What can I do
15:22
Speaker 1: with my mind now that I'm not anxious and stressed? Okay,
15:25
Speaker 1: if you're always you know, if you've got like a
15:29
Speaker 1: really good, healthy love that comes into your life, like
15:31
Speaker 1: this example of the girls that I spoke to in Melbourne,
15:34
Speaker 1: and you're not used to this consistent healthy form of
15:38
Speaker 1: love is green flag kind of love, then you're going
15:41
Speaker 1: to always be scanning for something that's more exciting because
15:44
Speaker 1: your version of love in the past has been highs
15:47
Speaker 1: and lows. Right, and now you've got someone who's just constant, constant,
15:51
Speaker 1: emotionally available. You don't ever feel that they're going to
15:56
Speaker 1: walk away from you, so you never have the fear
16:00
Speaker 1: that you're going to lose them. And when you don't
16:01
Speaker 1: have the fear of losing someone, you become comfortable. Unless
16:04
Speaker 1: you are really appreciative of who they are. You become
16:07
Speaker 1: complacent and comfortable, and then you think, I'm bored. I'm
16:10
Speaker 1: fucking bored. This person's too available. And we label someone
16:13
Speaker 1: who loves us as being too available. What do you
16:17
Speaker 1: mean too available? If someone cares for you, they want
16:20
Speaker 1: the best for you, they want to be emotionally there
16:22
Speaker 1: for you, And then we say only too available instead
16:25
Speaker 1: of thinking, Wow, this is fucking amazing. Imagine if you
16:27
Speaker 1: imagine if I was in love with this person and
16:29
Speaker 1: it was both ways right sense. Another thing that we
16:39
Speaker 1: do is we always romanticize the fantasy of what could be.
16:42
Speaker 1: While kind of disrespecting the reality of what we really had.
16:47
Speaker 1: So how many people can raise their hand right now
16:50
Speaker 1: who have been dumped by somebody only for that like
16:53
Speaker 1: for us to get over that person and then that
16:55
Speaker 1: person to circle back into our lives being like, you
16:57
Speaker 1: actually were the best thing that this and you're like,
17:00
Speaker 1: can't Why didn't you fucking see it when we were together,
17:03
Speaker 1: when I actually liked you. I'm over you now, but
17:06
Speaker 1: we went through all this shit and we could have
17:09
Speaker 1: had a really good relationship, but you know, your head
17:12
Speaker 1: wasn't in the game, and you were always looking for
17:13
Speaker 1: the next best thing, right, And how many times can
17:16
Speaker 1: you say that you've done that with someone else where
17:18
Speaker 1: a year later or whatever, you look back and think,
17:20
Speaker 1: did I fuck up a potentially really good thing? Did
17:23
Speaker 1: I fuck up potentially my life partner? You know, like
17:27
Speaker 1: I let someone go who really loved me because I
17:30
Speaker 1: was like, you're not exciting enough. And then I look
17:33
Speaker 1: at the life that they've continued to build for themselves
17:35
Speaker 1: and I think, actually, those are all the qualities that
17:37
Speaker 1: I wanted in a person. And I was just being
17:39
Speaker 1: really complacent and I was just being like really like
17:42
Speaker 1: on board instead of realizing that if you're bored all
17:45
Speaker 1: the time, you are the problem. I'm just gonna say
17:47
Speaker 1: you are the problem because if you don't know how
17:50
Speaker 1: to self soothe and self entertain, you need to do
17:53
Speaker 1: some inner work. If you're expecting everyone to entertain you
17:56
Speaker 1: twenty four seven And I'm bored all the time? Why
17:59
Speaker 1: you bored? Why you are most off the time that
18:02
Speaker 1: you spend in your like you, you are the time
18:04
Speaker 1: that you spend in your life. So if you can't
18:06
Speaker 1: entertain yourself, or if you can't learn to interact with
18:09
Speaker 1: other people, jobs, cities, and situations in a way where
18:14
Speaker 1: you feel entertained, you are the problem. And that's where
18:18
Speaker 1: you need to focus on. That's where the work needs
18:20
Speaker 1: to be done. Because if you're always looking for the
18:22
Speaker 1: next best thing, you're probably never investing. You're never putting
18:25
Speaker 1: your heart and soul into something. You're never trying, you know,
18:28
Speaker 1: a new hobby or course or whatever, and like pushing
18:31
Speaker 1: through even when it's hard or quote unquote even more boring,
18:35
Speaker 1: and then you're never reaping the rewards those relationships that
18:40
Speaker 1: you see that you romanticize. I can guarantee you have
18:42
Speaker 1: many quote unquote boring evenings and days there's a lot
18:47
Speaker 1: of mundane that comes with the best relationships because you're
18:52
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you're still your own person,
18:53
Speaker 1: You're still your own individual person, and you know a
18:56
Speaker 1: lot of people. You know, my relationship with Turrent great
18:59
Speaker 1: fucking real relationship. Love it so much, but there's rarely
19:03
Speaker 1: highs and lows because we're so stable, right. We have
19:08
Speaker 1: a lot of fucking fun together, a lot of fun,
19:11
Speaker 1: and we can laugh so hard, and I can joke
19:14
Speaker 1: about anything, and I never walk on eggshs and all
19:15
Speaker 1: of the above. But as far as this emotional rollercoaster,
19:18
Speaker 1: that just doesn't exist. So if you're looking for that,
19:21
Speaker 1: you could be turning down something because a lot of
19:23
Speaker 1: people say, butt, I want what you and Tyrone have. Well,
19:25
Speaker 1: you've got to be used to consistency then, because it's
19:29
Speaker 1: very consistent what I have with Tyrone and what a
19:31
Speaker 1: lot of people have that you look and you romanticize,
19:33
Speaker 1: it's consistent, okay, and people don't. People think comfort and
19:36
Speaker 1: consistency is boring when it's not. Another thing that we
19:42
Speaker 1: do is you leave a really good thing without knowing
19:48
Speaker 1: what you're looking for, so we think, you know, I'm
19:51
Speaker 1: not satisfied and body of it, but I actually don't
19:53
Speaker 1: know what I want, so you leave it instead of
19:55
Speaker 1: doing the inner work first, and then you realize, actually,
19:58
Speaker 1: it wasn't them. I was just in that stage where,
20:02
Speaker 1: you know, Alexis told me that I was the problem
20:04
Speaker 1: because I'm always bought all the time, and in reality,
20:06
Speaker 1: this person was great, and I was just choosing not
20:08
Speaker 1: to focus on the right things, or I was like
20:10
Speaker 1: too scattered and I could never invest my time and
20:12
Speaker 1: energy into one thing at a time. So what you
20:17
Speaker 1: created was actually, you know, right in front of you,
20:21
Speaker 1: but you just weren't in that headspace to receive it.
20:24
Speaker 1: You know. I think so often you have exactly what
20:27
Speaker 1: you need and want right there. It's in front of you.
20:31
Speaker 1: You've asked for it, you've wished for it, you've manifested it.
20:33
Speaker 1: It's knocking at your door, and you're like no, no, no,
20:39
Speaker 1: I feel like there's like a what's that should I
20:42
Speaker 1: what's that name? I like not not oh yeah, that
20:46
Speaker 1: thing you know that name of like someone rejecting like
20:48
Speaker 1: all these good things, and they're like, oh yeah to
20:51
Speaker 1: this like really shitty option, And that's what's that will
20:56
Speaker 1: be you? That will be you if you don't get
20:59
Speaker 1: your shit together. Okay, So know when you've got a
21:03
Speaker 1: good thing in front of you, know when to do
21:05
Speaker 1: the act as if exercise, and do it every single
21:09
Speaker 1: time you're questioning it. Do the act as if exercise,
21:12
Speaker 1: because you will get your answer regardless. A lot of
21:14
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, now I've got to invest a month. Yes, can't,
21:17
Speaker 1: because if you don't invest a month really giving it,
21:20
Speaker 1: you're all you're going to live a lifetime of just
21:23
Speaker 1: dabbling on the surface, kind of dipping your towel in
21:25
Speaker 1: here and there, and never really knowing what it's like
21:28
Speaker 1: to love a city that you live in, or love
21:31
Speaker 1: the people that you hang around with, or like, get
21:34
Speaker 1: passionate about anything. Like one of the keys to happiness
21:37
Speaker 1: is being passionate and excited about things. If you're always
21:40
Speaker 1: mundane like ah about things, you're probably not that happy. Okay,
21:45
Speaker 1: get excited about something, put your all into that thing,
21:50
Speaker 1: and watch your world transform. Okay. You often overestimate what
21:58
Speaker 1: you need and underestimate what you had until it's gone
22:02
Speaker 1: right you. You know, you don't really understand the value
22:09
Speaker 1: of the things that are right in front of you,
22:11
Speaker 1: because maybe the things that were of value were kind
22:15
Speaker 1: of flying under the radar because you were labeling it
22:17
Speaker 1: as you know, boring or because it wasn't chaotic, and
22:21
Speaker 1: then you only feel the void once it's there, you know.
22:25
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us like to think that
22:29
Speaker 1: we really value the people in our lives. But the
22:33
Speaker 1: reason you only know what you had until it's gone,
22:36
Speaker 1: kind of saying exists, is because only when the void
22:39
Speaker 1: is there do you fill the gap. If something is
22:42
Speaker 1: really safe and secure and nice and available, you become complacent,
22:48
Speaker 1: even if you're even if you're in you know, like
22:50
Speaker 1: sometimes I think, well, I can be a bit complacent
22:53
Speaker 1: with certain things that Tyrone does for because they're a standard.
22:56
Speaker 1: But I pull myself up on it often, and then
22:58
Speaker 1: I always make sure to be like really grateful and
23:00
Speaker 1: remind myself and think of these things, because but if
23:02
Speaker 1: you're not doing that, then it becomes that's the standard.
23:06
Speaker 1: Then this person leaves your life or the job, you
23:09
Speaker 1: leave the job or whatever, and then you think, oh,
23:13
Speaker 1: I'm really noticing this void. And I never realized I
23:16
Speaker 1: would notice this void because I wasn't acutely aware of
23:20
Speaker 1: what it brought to me, because I didn't think I
23:22
Speaker 1: valued that thing. I didn't think I valued someone being
23:25
Speaker 1: that emotionally available for me. I didn't think I valued
23:29
Speaker 1: living in a city where I don't know where. I
23:32
Speaker 1: could just walk down the street and there would be
23:34
Speaker 1: this kind of people that I would you know, get
23:36
Speaker 1: to interact with, or these kinds of cafes or you
23:39
Speaker 1: know where there would be four seasons in a year
23:41
Speaker 1: or where whatever. And then when you leave, you think, actually,
23:45
Speaker 1: if I had changed my attitude when I still lived there,
23:48
Speaker 1: I could have probably had that as my favorite city
23:50
Speaker 1: in the world. But my attitude was completely different. You know.
23:55
Speaker 1: Another thing that we do is we often like lose
23:57
Speaker 1: a really good thing because we're trying to upgrade, upgrade, upgrade, upgrade.
24:00
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, it's good, but I could do better.
24:02
Speaker 1: It's good, but I could do better. It's good, but
24:04
Speaker 1: I could do better. And the worst thing to do
24:06
Speaker 1: is when you're doing that with good people. Okay, and okay,
24:12
Speaker 1: so let's go through the steps, because there's a bunch
24:14
Speaker 1: of steps. The first step is naming number one. Well,
24:20
Speaker 1: I mean it's technically number two, but I'm breaking this
24:22
Speaker 1: down it'so steps because I've already spoken about the act
24:24
Speaker 1: as if and this might be in my steps again.
24:27
Speaker 1: But it's naming what is actually good right now. If
24:30
Speaker 1: you're in a position where you're like, like, like the
24:35
Speaker 1: girl I spoke to in Melbourne, this person is a
24:38
Speaker 1: walking green flag. It's a green flag relationship, and I
24:41
Speaker 1: just don't know, I just don't know. You've got to
24:44
Speaker 1: start to name what is actually good. Number one, Start
24:47
Speaker 1: to name list what is good? Okay, strategic clarity. I
24:53
Speaker 1: love that this person never makes me cry. I love
24:56
Speaker 1: that this person hears me out. I love that this
24:59
Speaker 1: person independent and lets me be independent. I you know, yeah, okay,
25:04
Speaker 1: I missed the chaotic side of my ex. But I
25:06
Speaker 1: was walking on egshells all the time and they always
25:08
Speaker 1: made me cry or you know, and I never felt
25:11
Speaker 1: like I could just go and hang out with my
25:12
Speaker 1: friends and they wouldn't question what I did because they
25:14
Speaker 1: trusted me. Like what is actually good trust? I'm being
25:18
Speaker 1: trusted by this person, I you know. And so you
25:20
Speaker 1: start listing, listing, listing, listing, listing when you're in a
25:22
Speaker 1: green flag relationship, okay, and you know, make a list
25:27
Speaker 1: of what works for you in this city, in this job,
25:30
Speaker 1: in this friendship, in this relationship. But I don't want vague.
25:35
Speaker 1: You can't make it vague like they're really nice. No,
25:39
Speaker 1: that's way too vague. Specific things for how they make
25:42
Speaker 1: you feel, or how when you interact with them, how
25:45
Speaker 1: receptive they are to that. Get specific. Okay, what is good?
25:50
Speaker 1: You can't It's hard for you to truly appreciate something
25:53
Speaker 1: that you haven't consciously named. So I want you to
25:58
Speaker 1: really spend some time doing that thing, especially if you're
26:01
Speaker 1: sitting on the fence. This is a very different exercise
26:03
Speaker 1: to if you're dealing with someone who you know is
26:04
Speaker 1: a walking red flag. If that is the case, go
26:06
Speaker 1: listen to all my Red Flag episodes narcissists. But that's
26:09
Speaker 1: not what we're talking about. We're talking about something good
26:11
Speaker 1: that you're about to fuck up for something that you
26:13
Speaker 1: think is better, and in reality, you ruin the whole
26:15
Speaker 1: thing for yourself. Number two, stop holding the exit door open.
26:20
Speaker 1: That's a huge problem because we think or I need
26:24
Speaker 1: an escape route, I need an escape You will live
26:30
Speaker 1: if this thing crumbles. Okay, you don't need to have
26:33
Speaker 1: the exit door open and be like I need to
26:36
Speaker 1: be ready to bail. I need. I't need because if
26:38
Speaker 1: I've got one arm on this door and then one
26:40
Speaker 1: of me. Then I'm never fully in that space. I'm
26:42
Speaker 1: never fully in that relationship. I'm fully in that city.
26:44
Speaker 1: Never because I'm ready to bail at any point. It
26:48
Speaker 1: is so important to have an exit strategy, and not
26:53
Speaker 1: as in like how am I going to leave? But
26:55
Speaker 1: more so how can I equip myself? But that if
26:58
Speaker 1: everything were to fall apart, rebuild myself. But that more
27:02
Speaker 1: comes down to self love and the relationship with yourself
27:04
Speaker 1: and the trust you have within yourself. But if we're
27:06
Speaker 1: talking about you know, I'm in a relationship, I don't
27:09
Speaker 1: quite know, you don't need to have that exit door open,
27:11
Speaker 1: because that's where you cock block yourself from really experiencing
27:15
Speaker 1: what could be. Okay, appreciation and indecision struggles to coexist. Okay,
27:22
Speaker 1: So don't get stuck in this loop of indecisiveness, because
27:26
Speaker 1: then it's going to be really hard for you to
27:28
Speaker 1: appreciate where you are at. If you're I'm kind of in,
27:32
Speaker 1: I'm kind of out, you're distracted. So act as if
27:38
Speaker 1: it's the final decision and see how it shifts your attitude.
27:42
Speaker 1: Either way, you will get an answer. So it's not
27:45
Speaker 1: thinking now I've got to act as if now I've
27:47
Speaker 1: got to actually, like really, and if you're that like
27:52
Speaker 1: stressed about it, then maybe that's already your answer. If
27:55
Speaker 1: you can't even bring yourself to act as if because
27:57
Speaker 1: you're so horrified at the thought of this person actually
28:00
Speaker 1: your partner, then I think you've got your answer. But
28:02
Speaker 1: if you are genuinely on the fence, you need to
28:04
Speaker 1: act as if. Number three, what are you ask yourself?
28:10
Speaker 1: What am I romanticizing that doesn't actually exist? Okay? Is
28:17
Speaker 1: it chemistry? Butterfly? I missed the butterflies. I want the chemistry.
28:22
Speaker 1: I want the mystery. I want to be chased by someone.
28:26
Speaker 1: And we just fell into this relationship and now we're
28:29
Speaker 1: just too comfortable and I never got the chair, I
28:31
Speaker 1: never Oh no, what am I romanticizing right now? That
28:35
Speaker 1: actually doesn't exist? And even if it did exist, it'd
28:37
Speaker 1: only be short lived anyway, Or it's not a true
28:40
Speaker 1: representation of what it is that I'm actually looking for,
28:42
Speaker 1: Like butterflies is anxiety, it's not a true representation of
28:45
Speaker 1: true love. But we think it is because those are
28:49
Speaker 1: our first experiences of a crush, And then we think,
28:52
Speaker 1: wait a minute, all my first experiences young growing up,
28:55
Speaker 1: whatever for crush? Was crazy butterflies because I was just
28:58
Speaker 1: learning how to deal with my mother and I was
29:01
Speaker 1: kind of it was more limberents than it was love.
29:04
Speaker 1: And now I feel like that's a precursor to me
29:07
Speaker 1: feeling love. I must have the butterflies, otherwise it's not right.
29:10
Speaker 1: So now I'm romanticizing this pit of anxiety in my
29:14
Speaker 1: stomach as being what needs to happen. Another thing could
29:18
Speaker 1: be what we talk about when we think about chemistry.
29:21
Speaker 1: Chemistry is built for the most part. Sometimes you just
29:25
Speaker 1: cannot build it with somebody for sure. But when you
29:28
Speaker 1: first meet someone, I think real chemistry. Yes, you can
29:33
Speaker 1: have the initial banter for sure because you aligned with
29:36
Speaker 1: your maybe your comedic timing, But as far as real
29:41
Speaker 1: chemistry that is built on you have to get to
29:44
Speaker 1: know that person's character. I don't think you can love
29:47
Speaker 1: someone without knowing their character. I don't think that's possible.
29:50
Speaker 1: And chemistry and love also comes from getting to know
29:54
Speaker 1: that person more and more. Yes, you could have like
29:57
Speaker 1: we label it as like, oh my god, the chemistry
29:59
Speaker 1: was crazy because you just had a really great conversation
30:02
Speaker 1: with somebody, And yeah, that's fair, Like you could have
30:05
Speaker 1: good chemistry with that person, But you are romanticizing something
30:09
Speaker 1: that doesn't exist. You're calling it this, you're putting this
30:11
Speaker 1: label of like, oh my god, but in reality, you
30:13
Speaker 1: just had a good conversation with somebody. Okay, Then you
30:18
Speaker 1: can ask yourself, is it possible. Let's say adventure is
30:22
Speaker 1: the one thing that you're romanticizing. I need more adventure.
30:25
Speaker 1: Ask yourself, is it possible for me to experience what
30:28
Speaker 1: it is that I'm craving in other areas of my
30:30
Speaker 1: life without destroying something real? Do I have to destroy
30:35
Speaker 1: something real to chase a feeling that I could actually
30:38
Speaker 1: probably be already getting. Let's say an adventure and excitement
30:43
Speaker 1: within your relationships is one of them, and you've got
30:45
Speaker 1: this walking green flag who ticks every single box, but
30:48
Speaker 1: they're just not as adventuress as you'd like them to
30:50
Speaker 1: bet what about your friendships If this person is such
30:54
Speaker 1: a green flag and they trust you and they're not
30:56
Speaker 1: insecure at all and whatever, but they're just more relaxed,
30:59
Speaker 1: I'm going to be getting all my adventure from my friendships.
31:02
Speaker 1: I don't have to have every single person in my
31:04
Speaker 1: life cater to do every single need. That's why we
31:08
Speaker 1: have multiple relationships in our life because they all, you know,
31:11
Speaker 1: they all lean into a different part of us. So
31:15
Speaker 1: I could be having my friendship group where it's all
31:17
Speaker 1: like crazy adventure, I f aren't. And then I've got
31:20
Speaker 1: my partner where we you know, it's more grounded. Potentially
31:25
Speaker 1: maybe not, maybe that person does do a bit of both.
31:27
Speaker 1: But are you willing to give something great up all
31:29
Speaker 1: together when really you could be getting that adventure and
31:32
Speaker 1: excitement in other parts of your life. Number four differentiate
31:37
Speaker 1: between settling and unfamiliar about good stability. So they're settling
31:44
Speaker 1: where you're accepting something that actually could be better. So
31:48
Speaker 1: you're settling down. No, well, no settling down? Isn't it
31:51
Speaker 1: settling as in your going down a few notches of
31:55
Speaker 1: what you actually could have versus familiar stability in your life?
32:02
Speaker 1: You know this like exactly what I was saying before.
32:05
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's we think it's settling, but it's
32:09
Speaker 1: us calling it bored because it's just safe and consistent.
32:14
Speaker 1: So get very clear, am I actually settling? Or am
32:17
Speaker 1: I finally in a safe place where I don't have
32:20
Speaker 1: the rollercoaster of emotions? And now I actually have to
32:22
Speaker 1: face sitting with myself and asking am I fun enough
32:26
Speaker 1: to be around myself when I'm alone? Because if you
32:29
Speaker 1: don't like your own company, good luck, good luck ever
32:33
Speaker 1: feeling truly satisfied with any relationship without their being chaos.
32:37
Speaker 1: Because chaos. Those people that dig for chaos, dig dig
32:40
Speaker 1: dig for drama. It's because they're not comfortable sitting with themselves.
32:46
Speaker 1: They don't like their own company, so they need constant entertainment.
32:50
Speaker 1: And if they're not getting entertainment from listening to someone
32:52
Speaker 1: else's drama, the drama needs to be created because otherwise
32:55
Speaker 1: they've got to sit in a safe and secure relationship.
32:58
Speaker 1: When what happens when you do that, it highlight your
33:00
Speaker 1: relationship with yourself because you're like, well, there's no chaos now,
33:03
Speaker 1: I'm more introspective. Now I learn more about myself. No,
33:07
Speaker 1: I want external chaos. I need to be distracted. Number five,
33:16
Speaker 1: reinvest instead of restlessly searching. Okay, the more energy you give,
33:23
Speaker 1: the more potential you see. Tell yourself that a thousand
33:28
Speaker 1: times over when you're not sure. The more energy I give,
33:31
Speaker 1: the more potential I see. If I pretend right now
33:35
Speaker 1: that this city that I'm living in is the dreams
33:38
Speaker 1: city that I could have ever had ever lived in
33:42
Speaker 1: for the next month, what could that look like? And again,
33:47
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about those people that are like, no,
33:48
Speaker 1: I already know I fucking hate this city. I'm getting
33:50
Speaker 1: the fuck out of you. That's very different because you're
33:52
Speaker 1: not confused. This episode's not for you. I'm talking about
33:54
Speaker 1: people that are like, Oh, do I leave? Do I stay?
33:56
Speaker 1: Do I leave? That's that's who I am addressing. Okay,
34:01
Speaker 1: So before you throw something away, anything away, ask yourself,
34:05
Speaker 1: have I fully rocked up to this? Have I fully
34:08
Speaker 1: shown up to this and given it my all? Have
34:10
Speaker 1: I invested? Have I given it the energy that it
34:13
Speaker 1: deserves before I throw it in the bin? Or have
34:17
Speaker 1: I been one foot in the door one foot out
34:19
Speaker 1: of the door, kind of hoping that something better is
34:22
Speaker 1: going to rescue me without me having to do the
34:24
Speaker 1: hard work. Okay, number six, order how much of the
34:29
Speaker 1: experience you are creating for yourself you bring the energy? Right,
34:37
Speaker 1: So would this relationship, job, life, whatever it is that
34:41
Speaker 1: we're talking about be different if you brought more curiosity
34:45
Speaker 1: into it, more humor, more warmth, more attention, more presence.
34:53
Speaker 1: How would it change if you brought that to the table.
34:57
Speaker 1: Because if it's not going to change it all fantastic,
34:59
Speaker 1: you have your answer, but there's a big chance that
35:02
Speaker 1: things would start to turn around and would look different.
35:06
Speaker 1: A lot of our dissatisfaction is not about who we're
35:10
Speaker 1: with or where we are. It's actually about who we
35:13
Speaker 1: are being while we are there, while we are around
35:17
Speaker 1: that person, while we are living in that city. I'm
35:19
Speaker 1: not happy with myself and my life and my but
35:22
Speaker 1: it often comes down to my attitude, my the things
35:26
Speaker 1: that I'm focusing on. Number seven, I think I've got
35:31
Speaker 1: ten points. Number seven. Practice mental reframing often every day
35:37
Speaker 1: if you can. And this is basically, you know, what
35:41
Speaker 1: you focus on expands. This is like I said, you know,
35:44
Speaker 1: I said, thirty minutes thinking about all the good things
35:46
Speaker 1: or all the bad things of your best friend. Do
35:48
Speaker 1: it for two minutes. Do it for two minutes before
35:51
Speaker 1: you go and hang out with your friend. Think about
35:53
Speaker 1: all right, I'm going to think about three of the
35:56
Speaker 1: funniest things that have ever happened with my friend and I.
35:58
Speaker 1: And then you remember the ent, you remember the lasting.
36:01
Speaker 1: You're like, oh my god, I can't wait to recreate
36:02
Speaker 1: new memories with this person. I can't wait for all
36:04
Speaker 1: of that. Right then, you can ask yourself, why is
36:07
Speaker 1: this person or place or whatever so perfect for me?
36:11
Speaker 1: Because you probably will come up with some answers. It's
36:13
Speaker 1: actually so perfect for me because they bring this into
36:16
Speaker 1: my life that I've never had, or they've let me
36:19
Speaker 1: be this way, They've let me be this kind of
36:22
Speaker 1: person in their presence. I've never felt this way, or
36:24
Speaker 1: I've never realized that it could be like this. Whatever
36:27
Speaker 1: it is, why are they so perfect for me right now?
36:32
Speaker 1: You know? And Yeah, Basically, if you tell your brain
36:36
Speaker 1: to look for things, it will often find what you're
36:40
Speaker 1: looking for, for the good and for the bad. So
36:43
Speaker 1: if you prime yourself to look for the good things
36:45
Speaker 1: in a relationship, you'll find them, and if you look
36:48
Speaker 1: for the bad, you're going to find them as well.
36:51
Speaker 1: Number eight, Talk to yourself as if you've already chosen
36:55
Speaker 1: this thing, as if you've already made that decision. I
36:59
Speaker 1: love this life, I love this person. I love that
37:02
Speaker 1: we get to do these things. I love that we
37:04
Speaker 1: you know, whatever, I love where I am right now
37:07
Speaker 1: in my life. It might not be where I'm always
37:09
Speaker 1: going to be, but where I am right now I'm
37:11
Speaker 1: loving for all these reasons, even if it feels like
37:14
Speaker 1: a little bit weird saying it. Say it because you're
37:17
Speaker 1: probably not used to committing to something big, and by
37:21
Speaker 1: saying it it feels a bit strange. You'd be like, oh,
37:24
Speaker 1: it's so weird to say this. Okay, So it's you
37:28
Speaker 1: basically practicing what commitment can look like. It's not you
37:31
Speaker 1: being in denial. That just feels a little bit weird
37:32
Speaker 1: because you're practicing it. Number nine, Make micro memories, small experiences,
37:41
Speaker 1: and make them on purpose. Okay. This is where you're
37:47
Speaker 1: actively creating moments that you'll remember and you really love
37:50
Speaker 1: and you're going to embrace because, like I said earlier,
37:54
Speaker 1: one of the keys to happiness is to be excited
37:56
Speaker 1: about things but also to look forward to things. So
37:59
Speaker 1: if you're like like, oh, it's kind of a bit stagnant,
38:01
Speaker 1: create something that you can both look forward to. Create
38:04
Speaker 1: like little things, even like message message to the person
38:07
Speaker 1: you're dating and say, you know what, why do we
38:09
Speaker 1: meet at that little bar that we always walk past
38:12
Speaker 1: this afternoon? Just go on a spontaneous dage just which is,
38:14
Speaker 1: let's just get a fuck a margarita five pm at
38:16
Speaker 1: that little bar and see where the night takes us,
38:19
Speaker 1: see how they are see how they are responsive to that,
38:22
Speaker 1: receptive to that, and then you've just created bang an
38:25
Speaker 1: adventure out of nothing. And if this person's a flop,
38:28
Speaker 1: then they're a fucking flop, aren't they? And you've got
38:30
Speaker 1: your answer. But I'm saying you're here to create these
38:33
Speaker 1: little micro memories on purpose. If you are the mundane one.
38:36
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's so easy to accuse someone of being boring,
38:38
Speaker 1: a mundane It's like, what are you doing? And you
38:42
Speaker 1: could actually be like, well, a lot actually, and then
38:44
Speaker 1: in which case there's your answer. But a lot of
38:46
Speaker 1: the time we're expecting everyone to do it for us.
38:47
Speaker 1: What am I doing? How often have I invited this
38:49
Speaker 1: person to do something exciting? How often have I you know,
38:52
Speaker 1: pushed and come up with all the ideas? And if
38:55
Speaker 1: the answer is not often, then this is a great
38:57
Speaker 1: opportunity for you because it allows you to turn it around.
39:00
Speaker 1: If your answer is all the time, then there's not
39:03
Speaker 1: much wiggle room. You already have your answer. And lastly,
39:08
Speaker 1: ten let experience teach you what you want. Okay, you
39:15
Speaker 1: don't have to have it all figured out. You don't.
39:19
Speaker 1: But sometimes, almost all the time, your best clarity comes
39:25
Speaker 1: from you giving something you're all, I don't think it's
39:28
Speaker 1: possible to really gain clarity when you've got one foot
39:32
Speaker 1: in the door and one foot out of the door.
39:33
Speaker 1: And really, what we're aiming for in this entire episode
39:35
Speaker 1: is knowing what we want, getting clarity on what we
39:38
Speaker 1: want and what we don't want. So that's where you're
39:42
Speaker 1: going to get your answers. That's where you're going to
39:44
Speaker 1: be taught by your experiences what's right for you and
39:48
Speaker 1: what is not right for you. Okay, if it ends,
39:51
Speaker 1: it ends, but at least you didn't kind of half
39:56
Speaker 1: love someone while you're also kind of looking around for
39:59
Speaker 1: like where is the better loves? And then only when
40:02
Speaker 1: it's gone you're like, oh, that could have been a
40:03
Speaker 1: really good love. No, No, you can be like I loved.
40:07
Speaker 1: I loved, I gave it my all and unfortunately it
40:10
Speaker 1: entered and now I'm heartbroken whatever, and I can move on,
40:12
Speaker 1: but I loved. I've got no regrets. Like I always say,
40:16
Speaker 1: you regret the things you don't do. If you half
40:18
Speaker 1: ask anything in your life and then it falls apart,
40:21
Speaker 1: you will regret it. You will regret it because you're
40:24
Speaker 1: like I will never know what could have been because
40:28
Speaker 1: I had it in my grasp. I had it, and
40:31
Speaker 1: I threw it away because I was being a fuck whit. Okay,
40:35
Speaker 1: so you don't need to do that. It's not about
40:38
Speaker 1: learning to settle. It's about learning how to savor a
40:41
Speaker 1: moment and seeing what you reap out of it when
40:44
Speaker 1: you go all in. It's kind of teaching yourself how
40:48
Speaker 1: to stop searching twenty four seven and how to see
40:51
Speaker 1: what is in front of you and how to make
40:52
Speaker 1: the most of that thing what you already have. Okay,
40:56
Speaker 1: um that yeah, that's pretty much it. Those are the
40:59
Speaker 1: ten I'm going to quickly brush over those ten points
41:01
Speaker 1: again just by title. I'm not going to go into
41:03
Speaker 1: the number one, name what's actually good. Number two. Stop
41:06
Speaker 1: holding the exit door open. Number three. Ask yourself what
41:09
Speaker 1: am I romanticizing that doesn't already exist? Number four. Differentiate
41:14
Speaker 1: between settling and unfamiliar stability. Number five. Reinvest instead of
41:20
Speaker 1: restlessly roaming. Number six. Ordit how much of the experience
41:25
Speaker 1: you are creating. Number seven. Practice mental reframing daily. Number eight.
41:29
Speaker 1: Talk to yourself like you've already chosen it. Number nine
41:32
Speaker 1: make micro memories on purpose. And number ten let experience
41:36
Speaker 1: teach you what you want. Do you know what, Shanaia
41:38
Speaker 1: and I are going to put up a little homework
41:42
Speaker 1: sheet and we're going to upload it to the website,
41:45
Speaker 1: the podcast website. I'm going to start slowly, We're going
41:48
Speaker 1: to start creating more and more of these sheets that
41:49
Speaker 1: you can download and just have them on your phone
41:52
Speaker 1: and you can look through these key points without always
41:55
Speaker 1: having to write things down. You can have it as
41:56
Speaker 1: your screensever and whatever. But we're going to do a
41:58
Speaker 1: little sheet that you can download www dot dfmpod dot
42:03
Speaker 1: com and you can just refer back to that as
42:07
Speaker 1: often as you want, especially if you're currently in this
42:09
Speaker 1: life conundrum. Guys Epic, thank you so much for listening
42:12
Speaker 1: to today's episode. Love you so much. Also, if you
42:17
Speaker 1: do follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Alexis Fernandez
42:21
Speaker 1: Preksa on Instagram at Alexis Predes on TikTok, then you
42:25
Speaker 1: will know that I have entered the New South Wales
42:30
Speaker 1: Jigsaw State competition for five hundred pieces with my cousin. Right. So,
42:35
Speaker 1: I was in Bury last weekend and we were practicing.
42:38
Speaker 1: We did seven five hundred piece puzzles and the quickest
42:41
Speaker 1: one was an hour and two minutes, so we want
42:43
Speaker 1: to crack the hour. So I don't know if we
42:46
Speaker 1: should aim to for a position when we enter the
42:50
Speaker 1: comp because we don't know how other people are preparing.
42:53
Speaker 1: But I think aiming for a time frame would be
42:55
Speaker 1: really cool. If we could crack the hour, I feel
42:57
Speaker 1: like that would be beyond anyway. Guys, love you so much.
43:03
Speaker 1: That is all for today. As always, remember be kind
43:06
Speaker 1: to yourself, be kind to your brain. Don't text it
43:09
Speaker 1: from anyone, and especially don't text it from yourself. Don't
43:12
Speaker 1: ca