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Ep. 1 – The 3 Pillars of Leadership · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Rise Up.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Live Joy Your Way with Comedy Wood.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to step into your power.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everyone, and welcome to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way for the very first episode.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thrilled to have you here with me.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just gonna lay it all on the table.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: I am gonna be perfectly honest that getting me to the point where I was able to record my own podcast has been a little bit of a mountain.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: And why that mountain?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because of fear.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because fear of not having the right message or not communicating it in a way that was effective was holding me back.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's actually what I really want to do with this podcast is start to make things that are happening in our lives, feelings, emotions, bring them to the forefront, take them out of the darkness and shed some light on it.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: No longer should we live in guilt or shame for feeling the way that we do, but rather celebrate whatever it is that we're going through and figure out ways to come together in some type of form of community where we can support one another.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that is what I try to do on a daily basis.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually a certified life coach and I work with high achievers on a day in and day out basis.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: I work with adults and with teens who are struggling with stress and overwhelm from trying to do it all and do it all perfectly, and are feeling a little bit of that overwhelm and that if I don't get this right, I'm gonna be a failure and I'm gonna either let somebody else down or I'm gonna let myself down.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, all the reasons why I work with those people is because that's who I am.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am a recovering perfectionist myself.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I say recovering, but I'm a recovering perfectionist in progress.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Just as I freely admit it, it has taken me uh a little bit of time here to get up the courage to go ahead and record this podcast show for you all, and that's because that perfectionism and that wanting to make sure that I don't fail anybody uh started to creep in.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so it it's that that those things that end up holding us back, and that is why I am so passionate about working with these individuals because when we do bring those things to the forefront and we do start to switch our mindset and our behavior patterns, and we break those old stories that we've told ourselves and we start to develop new ones, we are actually able to move forward.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that, let's start off with uh topic of the topic of self-leadership.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I actually believe that there are there are about three main pillars to building your own self-leader, building yourself into your own self-leader.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: They are the concept of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-compassion.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now we hear about self-esteem and self-confidence pretty routinely.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, for those of us who haven't really talked about it, self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves internally and intrinsically.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And self-confidence is more how we feel about our ability to do something.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I will probably talk about those two concepts in a later show.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: But what I really wanted to do was to focus on this concept of self-compassion and self-compassion in conjunction with fear.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, with self-compassion, one of the things that we have to remember is that we are humans here having a human experience.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we are just spiritual beings having this human experience, which means that we are doing the best that we can on a daily basis.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens is when something doesn't go the way that we wanted it to go, we quickly and very easily jump into judgment mode.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: So the first uh part of practicing self-compassion is really understanding this judgment versus um uh recognizing that you're just doing the best you can as a human.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, judgment is when we jump into uh I did that wrong, I shouldn't have done it this way, I'm just a screw-up.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's actually where those cognitive distortions really start to build.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: The cognitive distortions being thoughts like, um, if I fail at this, the world is gonna end, or if I fail at this, nobody's gonna like me.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: Or even it goes as far as nobody likes me anyway, so why bother?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Those are all examples of cognitive distortions, which really do lay and lie within the concept of judgment.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: When we get into that judgment role of ourselves and we let that inner critic take off, those cognitive distortions also take off, and our mind just goes down this negative pathway, and those automatic negative thoughts are triggered, and we are it's off to the races in terms of those um negative thoughts.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: The second part of self-compassion is understanding that there is common humanity, and what do I mean by common humanity?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Common humanity is recognizing that you are not alone.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: So often when we are in a position of facing adversity, we feel like we're alone.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: We feel like we're the only person who has ever experienced whatever it is that we're experiencing.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so the practice of self-compassion really brings to the forefront that we're not alone.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: There are people who have experienced something similar.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I maintain that nobody is going to actually experience something the exact same way as somebody else.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Why is that?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because our thoughts become our reality.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: So when I'm going through something, I'm going to think about it in a certain way, which is going to be different than my friend or my spouse, for instance.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: They're going to think about a similar they're going to think about that same experience in a different way, which means the reality of what they experience is going to be different by by definition from the experience I have.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: However, they there will be some similarities.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so the concept of common humanity versus isolation means that we recognize there are other people who have experienced something similar to what we're going through, and they first of all they made it through, but second of all, we can reach out, we're not alone.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: It brings to the forefront becoming vulnerable.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there is so much strength in vulnerability and bringing into the light from the shadows the things that we either feel guilty or shame about, or the things that we're feeling not so confident about.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: When we bring those to the limelight and we let the people who are in our support network actually support us and we recognize, oh, we're really not alone in this situation, that is by definition and by practice, self-compassion.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because it is actually practicing the the um it's actually practicing being compassionate to oneself by actually asking for help.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a negative to ask for support or help.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then the third part of practicing self-compassion is mindfulness.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And now mindfulness is a very popular word these days.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm just gonna go ahead and give you my definition and my take on mindfulness.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: My take on mindfulness is becoming present in your in the moment that you're living in.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: So how do we become present?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: We've got, you know, especially high achievers, right?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: We are constantly running, our mind doesn't want to turn off.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that we have to do to become present is to slow down.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we slow down?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Our breathing.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of it comes back to getting conscious of our breathing.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, for me personally, my favorite method of doing that is the box breathing method, which is breathing in for a count of four, holding it for a count of four, exhaling for a count of four, and then waiting for a count of four, and repeating that just three times.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: That in and of itself slows you down, slows that mind down, and you can then get present.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're present in the moment, you're able to start recognizing what it is that you're facing and make the next best choice for yourself.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that is part of practicing self-compassion.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: So, just to kind of bring that all together, in order to become your own self-leader, in my mind, there are three huge components to that.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: One is self-esteem, the second is self-confidence, and the third is this concept of self-compassion.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Now, as you are a self-leader, we have to figure out how to face fear.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, as I was talking about, even with starting this podcast and starting this show and figuring out what it is I was going to talk about, there was a lot of fear around it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so the best way that I have come up with dealing with fear is very similar to how we talk about setting goals.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: There are so many different ways and methodologies of how to help people set goals and attain those goals, one of them being setting what has been referred to as SMART goals, which is setting smart, measurable, attainable, um, time-driven goals.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I've done is I've sort of taken the concept of fear and applied a similar platform where you know we actually, and I actually joke about this with my clients, but you know, we reap what we sow, right?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: We reap what we sow.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: SOW.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: I use that same acronym, I use that as an acronym for how to deal with fear.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: The first step in dealing with fear is to see what it is that's in front of us that's causing the fear and the anxiety.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Just slow it down, see what it is, bring it in close, recognize it, name it, be honest with ourselves.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: What is it that I am fearing in this moment?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Once you're able to do that, once you're able to actually name it, that's when you can go to the O, which stands for observe, which may have you scratching your head.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Observe what, comedy?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's observing what it is that you're facing.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's observing what are the different choices that you have in front of you, what are the different ways of how this situation could unfold, what is the best possible outcome, what is the most likely outcome, and then what is the worst possible situation that could come out of this out of what it is that you're facing?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: From there, you're able to break by from there, you're able to break it down even further and then decide which each which with each of those sections what your steps would be.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like so, if for the best case scenario, how you would go about doing an executing on that choice.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: For the most likely scenario, what steps would you take for that possibility to come up come about?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And for the worst case scenario, what steps would be involved and what would happen?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: What would what would what would occur to make that the worst case scenario?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: By doing that and breaking down what it is that you are facing in these smaller nuggets, these more palatable nuggets, you're able to, your mind is able to then digest, okay, which is the best choice to make here.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're facing a fear, you're able to see, okay, the best possible scenario is one thing, and the most likely possible scenario is another thing, and the worst case scenario is this.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And if I look at each of those scenarios, no matter which one happens, the one common denominator will be that you are going to be okay.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: You are going to still show up tomorrow, which is by definition the concept and the practice of self-compassion.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're able to look at everything that's in front of you, you're able to understand that you're not alone and you are going to be okay.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: You are just having a human experience and you're going to make the best possible choice you have with the information in front of you.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: And from there, no matter what happens, you're going to be okay.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you're practicing mindfulness by breaking it into these palatable nuggets.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: You're slowing it down, you're not racing to a decision, you're not racing away from the fear, and you're not racing into the unknown.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: You're becoming mindful, you're becoming present.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so from there, the W in the SO acronym can be utilized, and that W stands for will.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: What is your will?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: What is your choice?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: What is your choice in this choice point?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: From there, you're able to figure out the next possible or the next best step for yourself, and you're able to choose it and to go forward.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: And again, no matter what the outcome is, you know that you're going to be okay.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're going to be okay.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Just like me starting this podcast and recording this very first episode at the end of all of this.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: No matter how it goes and how it's received, I'm going to be okay.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still going to show up.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to show up in my life.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to show up as a wife.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to show up as a mother.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: No matter what happens, I know that I'm going to learn and I'm going to move forward.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so, with that, I want to once again welcome you to joining me on this adventure known as Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: I look forward to spending this time with you going forward.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: And again, if there is anything that any of you need, I hope that you will reach out.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: I can be reached at contact at itme.com or found on the web at www.itsauthenticme.com.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood, and I look forward to spending this time with you.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to Rise Up.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Always remember your uniqueness and the gift that you bring to this world.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens for you, not to you.