Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / What If The Real You Is The Upgrade

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What If The Real You Is The Upgrade · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to AGNA for Sissies.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, as we're going on the air today, I am getting lightning proximity alert, severe thunderstorm alert.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if you hear a good crack of thunder during this, or a big crack of lightning, I can't help it.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm up on the 36th floor here, looking at it getting very dark out, even though it's only 4:30 in the afternoon while I'm doing this, and uh it's looking mighty scary out there.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: But nonetheless, we're in here, and I really need to talk to my younger self because she had some ideas or she had plans.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, she had plans.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: She thought by this age I'd be organized, calm, financially flawless, drinking lemon water every morning like a wellness influencer.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And instead, I'm standing in my kitchen reheating my coffee for the third time, looking for my phone while holding my phone.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to talk about it the gap between who we thought we'd be and who we actually are.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I kind of like her better.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, my fabulous people.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Slightly surprised by how this all turned out?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And welcome back to Aging A for Sissies, the podcast where we talk about getting older with honesty, humor, and just enough sass to keep it real.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, around her, we're not going quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, over the last few weeks, we've been talking about things like releasing the pressure, protecting our energy, letting go of nonsense, finding joy in small moments.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to feel a little bit like it was becoming too many heavy therapy sessions.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then I thought about this topic about who I thought I'd be versus who I am.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're just going to have some fun because I want to talk about something I think we can all relate to.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Who we thought we were going to be by now versus who we actually are.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And let me just say, there are some differences.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to my bestie the other morning, getting ready to go to the gym.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I know, ad nauseum.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know that my workout five days a week is in a pool.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if somebody had told me when I was 65 I'd be wearing a bathing suit almost every day, I would have thought you were nuts.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: 65?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wearing a bathing suit every day, I think I would have thought.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are you kidding?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: But here we are, people.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here we are.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am doing it.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I just my brain just died.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Does yours ever do that?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: See, that's another thing.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I just stalled out.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, we're just gonna have a little fun.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think we can all relate to this.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget my re my new recurring segment, not doing this anymore.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: All right, time for our segment.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Not doing this anymore.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: This week, pretending I can hear people in loud restaurants.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're not smiling and nodding anymore like we understood the entire conversation.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're not saying, mm-hmm, and hoping it wasn't a question.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now I just say I can't hear a word you're saying it.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it's very freeing.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what we're not doing anymore this week.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Who I thought I'd be.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start with expectations.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think I need to add music in there when I change to my my new little thing.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do that.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I won't have it this week, but I'll have it next week.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we know where that segment lies.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of just falls flat in there.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't wanted to do that.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not going to do it today because I hadn't thought about it till now.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: But let's move on to who I thought I'd be.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start with expectations.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because younger me really believed that by this age I would have it all had it all figured out.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I'd be extremely organized.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty organized.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Financially dialed in, not so much.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Calm under pressure, not at all.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Making healthy meals every day.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, not me.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, I thought I'd be one of those women who had her life all together.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know the type.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Her house is clean, her fridge is stocked.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: She always knows where her keys are.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, I have a system.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And by system, I mean if I don't move something, I know where it is.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the truth.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: That is the truth.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I am a fairly organized people.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: People that know me know that.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes I organize myself into oblivion.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I don't follow my own organizing plans.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: My cat's over here losing his ever-loving mind.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Patrick, what's up?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: He can, I think, feel the lightning coming.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: They can feel the electricity.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: But but truly, I'm I got room for improvement.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a reality check.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about reality because reality is different.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Reality is I still lose my glasses while they're on my head.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I lose my glasses all the time, and I'm going to tell you why.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I wear contacts, but when I'm home, I wear glasses.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I refuse to put the bifocal in my glasses.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm taking my glasses on and off as I'm looking at my phone or my iPad, whatever it may be.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then did I put them on my head?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Did I put I don't know where they are?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: I take them off while I'm laying in bed to look at my phone that I want to see what's on the TV and I put them back on.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ask me why I don't get the the graduated lenses in them.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And my contacts are bifocal.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I lose mine all the time.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I still forget why I walk into a room.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Lord in heaven.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: We have a one-bedroom condo now, not the giant house anymore.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: We have a one-bedroom condo.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I can still forget why I walked in the kitchen and it's in the same room I'm sitting in right now.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Huh.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I still think I'll remember that and absolutely do not.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about technology for a second.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I do understand technology.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I understand it very well.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: My problem is I can't explain it to Craig.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And he wants me, we had this, it wasn't an argument.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's just frustrating.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: My phone's not getting its email, so I start to look at it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I figure things out, that's how I fix them.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I thought I'd be able to explain it better by now, to be honest.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I just have to do it.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: The younger me also assumed by this age I would fully understand everything.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be confident, efficient, in control.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Ay.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I have 47 passwords, none of which I can remember.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And every account says incorrect password.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point I just sit there thinking, maybe this account isn't meant for me anymore.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's exhausting, people.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: What was the lifestyle I imagined?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, I don't really know.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know that this wasn't it.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: A high-rise living in downtown Chicago.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: This was not what I imagined.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it happens to be better than what I imagined, even though I don't really know what I imagined, but I love it here.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I did think my life would look very polished, and I try to be polished, but I'm not.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I wake up early, that I do.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't drink something green.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't go for a peaceful walk.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: My walk is to the gym.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And normally it's it's past um the children's hospital and northwestern.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: I hear a lot of, a lot of ambulances.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a peaceful walk, yet it is a walk.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Journaling my thoughts, I thought I probably would journal.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was a journaler.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: We have his journals.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: My sister Cindy does.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And nope, I don't do that either.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I'd start my day like a calm, centered person.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Reality, nope.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I wake up immediately and start negotiating with myself.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, you're gonna go to the gym today, but then you can come home and take a nap.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already thinking about my nap the minute I wake up.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, my mom was a napper and I used to laugh.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, did I wake you up?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'd call my mom.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, did I wake you up in the afternoon?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'd think that was so funny.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not funny.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I start negotiating my nap when I wake up in the morning.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I can go to the gym.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna stop and do this on the way home.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: When I get home, I'll have my lunch.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And Patrick, my cat, let me tell you, expects two o'clock to be on me on that couch.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm not there, he is not happy with me.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell you, I have a cat that expects me to nap.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I do start negotiating with myself right when I wake up.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think, do I really have to get up right now?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love my coffee so much.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Coffee is not a gentle experience, it really is survival.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I love my coffee.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, what gets me out of bed is my coffee.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Coffee is survival.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: All right, before I keep going, though, let me take a quick minute to share something with you.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you're enjoying Aging Aim for Sissies, there's a very good chance you'd like other corners of my world too.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: I also host a podcast called Inside Marcy's Mind, where we talk about life hacks, real life situations, and all those little things that make life easier, or at least a little less chaotic.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's Unbottled, which is a much more personal space where I talk about sobriety, growth, and what it really looks like to build the life you don't want to escape from.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Each show's a little different, but they all come from the same place.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Real conversations, real life, and figuring it out as we go.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want everything in one place, episodes, updates, and what I'm up to, you can always head over to Marcybackusmedia.com.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's where it all lives.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, back to reality.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: What actually got better in life?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's the twist.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Even though I didn't become the perfectly organized, flawless version of myself, I imagined.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Something else happened.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Things got better in ways I didn't expect.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: My whole life.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was too tall when I was little.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Believe it or not, I was too skinny and I was too tall.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I looked at a picture of myself at my sister Devon's wedding when I was little.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I looked emaciated.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: What the heck is wrong with me?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I was never I was too tall, I was too thin, then I was too fat.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Then I was too this and I was too that, and I was too loud, and I'm too overbearing, and I'm apparently condescending, and many other things, and the teachers told me I talked too much, and I don't know.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was never comfortable with who I was.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Ever.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've known me for a long time, just know that Marcy was never comfortable with who she was.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am now.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am now.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't ever overthink every little thing.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do I overthink?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, but not like I used to.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: I can usually get myself out of it too.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can usually just have humor with myself and tell myself, you're overthinking again, ding dong.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't try to impress people I don't even like.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if I don't like people, I don't like them.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to try to like them.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: How's that?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's a new lady in our swim group, and I don't like her.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's just in the pool, not in my group.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies, if you're listening, you know who I'm talking about.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm not gonna try to I don't have to like everyone.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone doesn't have to like me.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, that's a huge upgrade.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: All those things are huge upgrades.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have to be nice, and I am nice, but I don't have to like everyone.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to think you did.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: The confidence nobody talks about.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's a kind of confidence that comes with aging that nobody really explains.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna try.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's probably people out there that can do it better than I, but you're here, you're it.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Aging in for sissies by Marcy Backis.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna try to talk about the kind of confidence that comes with age.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not loud, it's not showy, it's very quiet.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's the confidence of I know who I am.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, I'm okay with that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna add this to that.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm okay with that.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not, oh well.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: You stop chasing some imaginary version of yourself, you start living as a person you actually are, and that feels really good.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: It really does.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I am doing my best.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of medical issues, I got a lot of flaws, but I'm doing my best.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am a kind human being.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: I have people that love me, and I'm people that I love.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I am very rich in all the ways that matter.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: The funny truth.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: The funny truth is this is where I've landed.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I may not be perfect, I may not always be put together or drinking lemon water every morning, but I am real.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a little wiser, I am a lot more relaxed, and definitely less interested in nonsense.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, you know what?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I will take that version any day.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: When you are young, it is your time to try to figure it out.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are out there making it, you are figuring out your job, you are trying to get your promotions, you are trying all those things.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you get to the point where you don't have to worry about your one-on-one with your boss, you don't have to worry about your expectation review or your review in general.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: When your kids are grown and doing their best, they're not going to be perfect either.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't stand people that talk about their kids like they're perfect.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Makes me crazy.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's putting an expectation on them that is far too hard to live up to.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: All these things make life so much more enjoyable.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I love my walks to the gym.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: They may not be quiet walks, but they're fabulous.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: I walk down Michigan Avenue or I walk down Rush Street and I walk by the Rolls-Royce dealership, and I look at the newest Rolls-Royce in there, and they're always beautiful.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: I walk past the park where Ginny's ice cream is with my big favorite tree.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's humongous, this tree.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: I worry about it in every storm.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm going to come by and it's going to be knocked down.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know Dorman.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know um the guys that work at the hotels that say hi to me every day.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: It may not be a quiet and serene rock, but it's mine.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I love it.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: I walk through Watertower Park or Jane Byrne Park, and at Christmas time, the Christmas tree is up there.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And right now they've taken the base of the Christmas tree down, the wood that covers the fountain.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And in a few days, the fountain will be full of water, and that tells me that we're on to another season.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: I love my life.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: It is not what I expected at all.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: I did not see myself living in a high-rise in downtown Chicago with amazing friends, with a wonderful church community.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not really sure what I saw.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think Craig and I moved so many times, and our life changed so much.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: I never dared dream what the next step would be because it would always change.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy with this now.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're happy where you're at.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not, try to find a way to be.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because all we have is today.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: And being happy is underrated.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because being happy is pretty nice.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm loving it.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I want you to think about this week.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Who did you think you were going to be by now?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And how does that compare to what you actually are?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, can you appreciate her or him?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because she's been through some things.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, has she been through some things?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: She's learned a lot.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: She's still standing, maybe a little slower, maybe even with reading glasses, but still here.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe walking to the gym every day in a bathing suit.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Who knew?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: And still living.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And part of that, yes, part of that, is learning to laugh at ourselves and love who we have become.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next week.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Go out and do something positive.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Lord knows we need it in this world.