Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Responding in defense

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Responding in defense · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the good morning from the chicken coop, podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and master mindset.
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  Coach filled with inspiration, distinctions, perspectives and
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  possibilities. We help you to cultivate a
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  mindset that leads you to create the best version of yourself.
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  You could ever imagine join Kim. Every morning from one of her.
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  Favorite happy places her chicken coop.
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  Along with all her chickens. Hey everybody.
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  Good morning from the chicken coop so Today, I want to talk to
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  you about responding in defense. Now we've spoken in the past
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  about responding to respond or responding to react and there is
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  a difference between them obviously.
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  However, when you respond in defense that is definitely a
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  triggered response. That's typically a learned
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  behavior from the past. So something else has happened
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  in your life and then your brain has quote unquote, learned
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  something from it. And then it will take over and
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  it will say, you know, I have to use this methodology again in
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  this situation. It may not be the exact
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  situation, but your brain is convinced that it has to do it
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  in order to get somewhere. So therefore it does it in order
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  to get somewhere and whatever that response is, it's usually
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  not necessarily resourceful. Let's just say it that way.
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  It's not necessarily respond resourceful in those moments.
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  So When you respond in defense instead of taking a moment and
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  pausing and I'm not talking about situations that are, you
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  know, immediate like you're going to be mugged and you have
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  to respond in defense or you've got to be quick to react and you
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  got to be defensive to something.
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  You see your two kids about to go into a fight and one of
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  them's got some sort of weapon in his hand and you know, he's
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  about to swing it at the other one you respond in defense and
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  you jump in to help the situation out.
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  Not talking about those Patient's.
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  I'm talking about the ones where somebody says something and
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  instantaneously. You take it to mean the wrong
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  thing. You are in reaction mode for
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  sure. But you get really defensive
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  about it, it's goes beyond reaction.
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  It goes to Pure defense. Now, I myself am very guilty of
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  this. And it's one of the things that
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  I really need to learn to work on and continuously work on in
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  my own mind set. Because as an only child it was
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  there was no family familial picking on each other.
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  There was teasing with my dad. Sure.
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  But there was not a razzing really deep razzing and my
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  husband comes from a home where he was just used to doing that
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  and for me often times in his, you know, good gestured playing,
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  I get defensive and immediately I make it mean something that it
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  shouldn't mean. I get in my head about it.
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  Right away. I'm thinking, well, he must
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  think this or you to do that and before I know it, I'm spinning
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  out of control and the driver of my bus is definitely that
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  defensiveness and and it comes out in a nasty way and it
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  doesn't make the other person necessarily feel like you're
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  even getting it now. Are there times when you are
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  being teased too much? Yes.
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  Are there times when the other person needs to cut it out?
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  Yes. But are there times when you get
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  to defensive immediately, of course.
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  And I know, No, I am guilty of this like I said, and I don't
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  need to to shift that way. Now, here's the other tricky
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  part, if I didn't get so defensive, if I stayed in my
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  grounded state, if I just laughed it off, would that make
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  the whole thing? Go easier 100%.
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  But because I choose to go down a road that's not necessarily
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  resourceful that can cause even more of an issue.
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  Because then it blows up into an argument.
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  Why can't you just, hey, I'm only teasing you.
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  Why is this such a big deal? Blah, blah, blah.
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  And You know, you end up having conversations that are not
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  necessarily conversations, you want to be having and you end up
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  having situations that are not necessarily situations, you want
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  to be having. So everything always comes back
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  to a state of awareness and understanding stopping pausing
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  and understanding what's really happening and getting good at
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  doing that in those moments, not hours later, or Days Later, a
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  weeks later. Because some of us, it takes
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  like a week to process things when we're just starting this
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  process. You got to be kind to yourself
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  because you've never done it before so it can take a week
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  before you say, no. I thought about this and I
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  realized where my error was, I realized where I showed up in
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  less than resourceful, way learning, go back and fix it.
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  Have a conversation with the person but in the meantime a
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  week was lost or sometimes when we have really deep situations
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  because we respond defensively and we didn't understand what
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  the other person was coming from.
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  We stop relationships from it, this This is probably one of the
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  biggest things that causes fights in families because we
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  get so defensive, we can't see the forest through the trees and
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  and then all of a sudden, everything changes.
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  So your family is fractured your relationships are fractured.
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  Instead of just being like, OK, I didn't need to get so
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  defensive about this. So, and and please understand
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  that part of this cross-pollination, if you will,
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  from something that happened in your past, To something that's
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  coming on in, your present is quick, it's like lightning
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  because your brains job is to try to protect you.
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  So these things show up quickly, so you being aware is the the
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  most effective defense. You have to it, you have to be
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  aware, you have to ask the right questions.
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  So first and foremost, one of the great questions to ask
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  yourself is what's really going on here.
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  Just pause, collect your breath. Even if you have to exit the
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  room, go to the bathroom. It's always a good thing.
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  To be able to just say, hey, I'll be right back, I gotta go
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  to the bathroom and get in the bathroom and say to yourself.
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  Okay pause, what's really going on here and ask yourself?
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  What else? Could it mean another?
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  You heard me mention this question before, but it is a
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  powerful question because you'll come up with an answer.
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  What's going on here and then you have to ask yourself, okay?
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  What else could it mean? And then again, What else could
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  it mean? What else could it mean try to
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  come up with as many meanings as you can as quickly as you can
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  because that gives you the ability to say I'm aware and I
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  can see what's happening and then you can make an assessment
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  is defense really necessary and most of the time it's not
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  because you can pull out of defense and then have a
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  conversation where it's more level you're not coming at it
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  with emotion because defense means I'm on a motion and it's
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  heightened. And again, when emotions Go up
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  intelligence goes down. So we don't want to be in that
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  reactive State because it doesn't make us necessarily more
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  intelligent. All it does is make us more
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  reactive. So hopefully this gives you some
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  food for thought for the day and check in on yourself on your
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  defensiveness. See how you want to respond?
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  Stay in that state of awareness and I will see you guys
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  tomorrow. Have a great day.
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  Bye.