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Why Do Only 1 in 30 People Say Thank You with David Homan · find your cause

• speaker-0: My friend Ohm, finally out of the shadows after eight years, has successfully eradicated the second largest child sex trafficking ring on the planet. And now he's going after number one. I make that match, there'll be philanthropy, but there's gonna be a ripple effect probably to save millions of kids. speaker-1: Alrighty, so thanks everyone for tuning into this episode of Find Your Cause. Today we have David Holman, who's the CEO of Orchestrated Connecting LLC. David, thank you so much for your time on this Wednesday. speaker-0: I'm so pleased to be here and I appreciate you taking the time. speaker-1: All right. So like usual, we like to get started with the mission or the purpose or the goals of the organizations we're interviewing. So what is that for orchestrated connecting? speaker-0: So I'll give you the tagline first, right? My my world, my purpose is to make relationship value valued. This is what I see as one of the fundamental problems in our society because it's the foundation of what makes us build more purposeful and intentional community. And I come from philanthropy into the world of business and family office and everything for everyone. We don't see it as it's always an intro. But there's the reason why you got to the room where you got the job that you have. There's a reason why the friend introduced you to friend who then invested in your business. There's a reason why you got the client when you were on a business trip. It's because the person you knew from college said, come over here and talk to Linda. And we seem to just think that is just nice to have. And my mission, my purpose is to make us understand that this is essential. But more than that, it's something that we need to honor and respect and hone both for ourselves and then to insist the same With everyone around us. speaker-1: Alright. And why you why is this something that David has taken up as as your life mission to to spread across the world? speaker-0: So I was a shy, introverted kid who also had this gregarious father who could w work a room and talk to anyone, even like a stone. And so I had this bifurcated life of being timid, but also wanting to have an impact. And I didn't feel I fit in for a long time. Eventually in my mid-20s, I started to run a global arts charity. And I reinvented the way I wanted to network from that. And by connecting with intent, I accidentally built this network of What is now called connectors or super connectors. And I was just uniquely suited because I have a really deep memory from my world of studying and playing classical music as well as acting and directing in theater. And the only thing I'm really good at is listening to somebody else and going, You need to talk to this person. And I do that for the people who think they're the best in the business. I just happen to now have built the largest global network of connectors. Which is what I combine my music world, my my arts world with my life, which is what's called orchestrated connecting. speaker-1: Yeah. And wh why is like w what is the impact that you've seen of making this connection? So I know you alluded to it with some examples for from like a job and career perspective, but have you had to specify what impact you're trying to drive? speaker-0: Hundred percent. And the reason relationship value, Joseph, isn't valued is because no one actually says the outcome of what happens from an intro. So I built a rule in my community called honoring the chain of connections, which means for instance, if somebody listening here to this podcast then buys my book orchestrating connection, and they read it, and from that they distill something that lets them land the exact investor they need for their business. They need to call you up and say thank you for putting me on the podcast. They probably need to say thank you for the person who introduced them to your podcast. They should probably, since I make myself publicly available, say thank you to you and me for taking the time to go into something that helped them change their perspective and benefit their world. When we value that, a significant amount more comes from it. And everything that I've built and done is all about understanding the nuances of it. And how to get better outcomes from it. So just as an example, because most examples are not about me. My friend Blazer, who I met while waiting in a bathroom line at a conference in Kentucky, introduces me to his friend Douglas in Dallas. And Douglas introduces me to his friend Bo, who's also in Dallas. And I jump on a call with Bo. And I was like, well, what do you really need? What are you passionate about? And Bo goes, anti-human trafficking. I want to eradicate it. I don't know exactly what to do. And I go, ⁓ you need to meet my friend Ohm. My friend Ohm, finally out of the shadows after eight years, has successfully eradicated the second largest child sex trafficking ring on the planet. And now he's going after number one. And so Ohm's ask, who do I know that's a wealth holder, that's a business leader? And Bo's ask, who is a wealth who's a wealth holder and a business leader, I make that match, there'll be philanthropy. But there's going to be a ripple effect probably to save millions of kids. I'm not responsible for that. I'm just part of the connection chain to have great people do the work together. It's not, ⁓ you made your sale last week because I introduced you to the bank. It's this idea that you're part of something greater, which is what the actual world of relationship value becomes when you focus more and more not on the outcome for you, but the greater good, the purpose that comes. From connecting people together. speaker-1: Yeah, I'm very much guilty of making connections with people and not following up to see how it went, or being connected and not sharing that the impact of that connection. So I don't know why like why do you think it has taken so long for this mechanism to be set up of just sharing that that chain of connections? Is it a laziness thing? 'Cause that would probably be an example for me. Is it a speaker-0: Don't don't be so hard. Don't be so hard on yourself or the people who didn't say thank you. We don't value it because we've not been taught it's a value. My time on your podcast, your time doing your work, those things have a value. Everyone gets that. Relationships, we've just assumed that they happen when the reality is that there's a whole currency of that world, which in my opinion is the underpinning of all currency. And so if I made an intro for you and I said, and this is my friend of seven years, would you honor that? Would you let me know what happens by simply asking that? You have a choice you're going to be honorable or not. Your reputation is now on the line. So when you make an intro, when you ask for that, you solve one half of it. But the other part you solve is if somebody's building a connection for you, just think about it this way. I say this a lot in different podcasts and speeches, but it always flabbergates me. Fibergas me, when was the last time you did something for somebody that person called up and thanked you for? speaker-1: Yeah. Probably just related to to work as the last thing. So maybe a month or so ago I spoke with somebody who was interested in a job position. And maybe they're introducing me or maybe I'd introduce them to somebody else. But fast forward they ended up getting the job and they said thank you for that initial conversation. But maybe one in thirty times it happens if that. Yeah. speaker-0: And so what we've been taught, right, and I'm sorry this has happened to you that way, but this is true universally for everyone, is we're taught not to do that. Whereas what I would argue strategically, this is what my co-author of my book, Noah Askin and I dig into with our chapter on gratitude. If I thank you for something you've done for me, now I am top of mine. I'm the only one out of thirty that was grateful, therefore I'm the one top of mine. Screw everyone else. They didn't say thank you. I even forgot what I did for them. So the strategy of being grateful is actually the most important way to stay top of mind. Not for how that person can help you next, who you got the job, but at some point there's they're going to talk to somebody who's going to be the best podcast host you've ever had, say a thousand times better than me. And it's be it's going to be because they heard you, they looked at what you do. They thanked you and now an unintended consequence or positive effect a year later happens. We couldn't have made that happen, but the chain of gratitude and honor actually stitch those together so we remember it and then we respect it when relevant. speaker-1: Okay. That's so interesting. Were you ever in a place where you're like similar to my example, where maybe you didn't ask the person as well, okay, let me know how it went, or or vice versa. And was there a an instance in time when something clicked and you're like, anytime I'm gonna do this now, moving forward, I'm going to do this because I hadn't realized that this chain of impact, maybe multiple levels down, I'm I think of it like a family tree. Everyone's always curious, is where's my father's son? ⁓ Napoleon. And people are really curious about that chain. But I feel like this being able to see this chain from a connection standpoint is even more empowering because you can connect things that you've done to some massive potential impact eventually. Like once connections have been made down that that chain. speaker-0: So that's what helps it visualize, right? So I might be decently polished at this now. I was dumb as bricks for years doing this. I was making the same mistakes everyone else does. And then when I was not in a place of abundance, I started to wonder I've given so much to this world to people that I love and respect. Like, where's it back? So I had helped hundreds of people find jobs, get investments. The only thing I was ever bad at connecting is like romantically to figure out that two people should meet and fall in love. Like that I suck at. But if you tell me here's what you're doing, and I go, ⁓ that's what Tim does, like I'm right based on the feedback loop I get from my network about 98% of the time. Which is crazy high when I do several thousand intros a year. And so take me back, this is 20 years ago, I was running an organization, some real tragedy. befell it. And I started to look for a different job because I wasn't sure I'd have a job. And probably eight out of ten of the people who I had substantially helped didn't return my call or were like scoffed at why they should help me, even though I knew I had helped them. And I blame them all for it. Not for the most part to their face, but I felt like I should. Now I'm a New Yorker 25 years in, so I wanted to. But I started to dig deeper and I said, okay Was this them or was this me? Because I, as a second nature, would thank everyone. Is it their fault, or did I not take the step to impart the value that I gave to them? And the minute I started shifting that, everyone started to see me differently. They saw me as somebody giving value and unafraid to say, This is the value, please respect it, please honor it. And if you screw over the dude who's the one about respect and honor, you're dishonorable. So when I started my community and started to run events and started to make that the rule, the only reason I realized that I could do that was because I had a track record of looking at positive effect after effect of actually practicing this myself. speaker-1: Yeah. How do you exercise the muscle of knowing when a connection should be made and knowing it's impactful enough to get for you to proactively make a connection? I don't know if that's something that's trained or if is it just like getting tons of repetitions to to get it? speaker-0: Reputation solves everything as long as you're doing it correctly. So here's my practice, right? Every time I talk to somebody, I'm more interested in helping them than I am in helping myself. speaker-1: That's like the first step, like mindset getting into that. speaker-0: Mindset. The other part is I am pretty certain I can help most people I can connect to. I'm also pretty certain most of them cannot connect to help me. So I take away the idea that there's some transaction in it if you help me, I can help you. speaker-1: Whether that's true or not, that's just like another mindset. Yeah. Correct. speaker-0: Correct. But I'm certain, doing this now professionally for years, that if I can help you, at some point that gratitude for me helping you means you might be able to help somebody I can't help. So this is a holistic, this is a an abundance, like positive psychology mindset. So I walk in expecting everyone to fail me and me to spend a lot of time helping somebody who can't help me. And here's why it works. Because when you don't have an expectation from somebody, you're willing to be curious enough simply to see can I and should I build enough trust with this person? Which is a combination, and this is the two of the principles in our my book: curiosity and vulnerability. Most important skills of anyone as a connector, introvert or extrovert, which is can you build enough trust to do one thing once you've built that? Ask somebody for what they need. If they actually tell you what they need. Then the willy-nilly of ⁓ I heard you mention that you love baseball and you're in Chicago isn't the same as figuring out why you love baseball and what a connection around that would mean. And if what you can do right is actually build trust with another individual, then match those asks together, then instinctually what you're doing is taking two sides of what could be a multi-sided equation, going, You both trust and respect me. I've earned that. Would you be curious enough to explore that with each other? And when you do that repeatedly, you set in into a f ⁓ motion such amazing outcomes, not that you could have predicted, but you instinctually set at least on from a parallel path, something that is now much more aligned. speaker-1: Yeah. Ada for people that are younger and maybe have not developed a network yet is For the from the positive mindset, is it still it's probably even more important to go into it thinking like I do know people, so I have some sort of value to bring, or is it a like crap, I don't really know a lot of people, so I have to be on the maybe receiving end a little bit until I grow in my professional nature and then start to tilt towards having a larger network and being able to help out more people? Or how is like the evolution of this? speaker-0: It's it's a really great question because everyone assumes, right? Again, I grew up with middle class beginnings as a college professor's kid with no connections in New York. Now I have crazy connections in Chicago where I run events in LA and London, all these places. I built it and it took more than a decade. So when somebody young is burgeoning into this, one, it's a game of patience. You don't just get it and when you think somebody else is getting handed something. It's because of their net worth, it's because of the relationships they were born in and around, it's because they're wealthy or they're hot or some combination. It is really rare that somebody gets something in this life that wasn't part of the social circle in which they've already been in. So that's so somebody who grows up in one part of a city versus a different somebody whose dad is VP at a company versus somebody else whose dad is a teacher or whose mom is a guiding counselor. You're all born with different values, but everyone's born with a set of relationships that if you nurture right, eventually become something greater. We just don't think to keep or nurture that. And so in the case of how to do this, yeah, you can't instantly go around and just help everyone with somebody you already know. But if you build enough trust to hear what they're doing, and you either take notes or you remember it or some combination. At some point if you at some point if you keep asking to be generous, you're gonna be able to see two things that could come together. And you start to do that, you start to get to a higher and higher tier of the people because you're not just some nice person who's trying to do good who helps somebody move out of their apartment. You're somebody who goes, ⁓ my friend Tina just moved a month ago. She liked this moving company. Let me get the number for you. And that, if that's somebody's need. could give you a relationship with a CEO of a bank just because their kid went to school with you and now you're using the movie moving company that you recommended through this fictional Tina, it's seemingly nothing, but if it's matching somebody's need, it's actually incredibly meaningful. speaker-1: I could see this being so impactful in people's lives that that in a similar position that you'd mentioned before you really started reflecting on it, where you're like, I've been giving so much. When am I gonna get a break or why am I in this the position that I still am in? But y you kind of flipped it as what am I not doing w which kind of taking responsibility. But like people that that that wanna find meaning in their life that are doing amazing work but maybe aren't tracking it. I could see this as a huge opportunity for them to just open the curtains and realize how much impact they really are having in their lives. And just from a this this very pretty simple mechanism of tracking and enacting the that honoring the chain of connections could resolve. And change nothing except just understanding the chain of connections you made. Yeah. speaker-0: Obviously knew you would get this given the seven years you've been doing this podcast, right? What I talk about is finding your purpose and finding your cause is the same thing. But here's another reason why to do the work to get there. Because the biggest doors that get open when you're not in the room. They're when you've been able to instill your sense of what your cause is to somebody who you built trust with or simply has heard you out, you're getting to know. And at some point they're gonna be in a room, they're gonna go, ⁓ You know what? You should talk to so and so. This is what they care about. And if that matches what the person they were listening to cares about, the doors open. They're not the ones you always set up yourself. And that's why it's so important to be so intentional, so purposeful in what you're after, and to be transparent about where you are in that journey. I'm launching a startup. I'm two years into it. It's been an incredibly complex build. It's been a painful build. I've raised money. I have a CTO. I have an advisory board. I have all this potential. And I'm also completely forthright. I don't know if I'm gonna fail or not. I know I have the network to try. I believe this is a different way to approach connection, but I don't know if people are gonna be inherently selfish and just want some AI easy button that gets them what they need. But what I'm banking on is a decade of history of knowing if I got you to the exact right person. That's better than AI getting you to 10 okay people. And I'm hopeful that this evolution of what I've done is gonna get where it needs to go. But other people would present the same thing and say, My startup's launching this fall. I've raised $1.3 million. I have 30 investors, including big family offices. I'm a global expert on this with a USA Today best selling book, and I know what's right and I'm gonna get there. And somebody who hears that isn't gonna think, hey, this guy maybe has an idea about how to change the world with a startup, but they're gonna hear, ⁓ good, he's doing well. Whereas when you speak with the transparency and honesty about where you are, and my question is, will people choose to be less selfish in a world that feels like we're choosing to be more? If somebody says, Hey, I wish there was a tech that helped us be more honorable, less selfish, more generous, and connect at scale. They're gonna remember what I'm building with Soar Connect because I hit something at the heart of it as opposed to something at the superficiality of a presentational version. speaker-1: Yeah. what is your end game for this? Cause I feel like I'm in your shoes. Like the world just keeps looking forward just keeps getting bigger and bigger of like opportunities of areas where you could spend your time on. So not end game, but like ten years from now maybe. Like what do you hope looking back to see? speaker-0: So I think there's probably some young girl in Zambia or Gabon whose brilliance with the right axis is gonna change the world and make us energy independent and stop geopolitical conflict. I think that there's probably some boy in Suriname that's gonna sit here and figure out the way for data centers to not be so costly in terms of energy. There's gonna be Some brilliance in this world, if I have done my work right, then I've solved the access problem for the people that are truly gonna do great on this planet. So that's my noble version of this mission. That's my cause. The other version, because my tech works exactly the same way, I would love to filter out of my life and yours and everyone's all of the repeatedly selfish a-holes that cause this world to be so pig headed and chauvinistic and sexist and Every negative, men, women, religion, whatever it might be, I love to purge them because I don't like them. You don't like them. If I have a billion people use my tech, we're gonna know pretty quickly who's that person who walks up at a conference and hits on my friend because she has boobs. We're gonna know pretty quickly the person who made a thousand promises when they went into office and failed on a thousand of them because we're not gonna have a reputation. based on our actions because of what I'm building with SOR. And so I want those two things to happen because I think the world will be better from it. And I c if I can be the gateway drug, the conduit, the the systems thinker to solve this with integrity, I'd love to have success with it, but I'd rather have greater impact than anything else. speaker-1: Yeah. Good transition. What is SOAR Connect? As much as you wanna can and want to share. speaker-0: Yeah. So Source stands for strength of authentic relationships. I've looked at about 120 tech companies. I use Gmail and WhatsApp and LinkedIn and try different CRMs and everything, the premise is give me your data and I'll give you enough back while using your data that you'll want it. And I think that's wrong. I think that the relationships you've built, every single host you've had on this podcast for years. Those are your relationships. I think that the way that you've led your life with your family and your work, those should only be yours private to you. So SOR is based on that premise that relationship value is key and nothing should replace your own privacy with it. So the solve with that is all your contact information with a very sophisticated trust score and a keyword retention builds a CRM that lets you see who everyone you've trusted. From one to however many you've met. All for one of two purposes. You go on the tech to help ask somebody for what you need, or you go on the tech to ask somebody to help somebody you want to help. And all those are getting from somebody you know to somebody else that they don't know for an introduction. And at scale in groups and communities and businesses, you can make private asks, you make high-end asks, you start to Connect multiple people going after the same thing. What then happens is a much bigger amplifier effect from a tech that is a connector tech, a community tech, a SaaS referral tech. It's all those things because we just simply solved the hardest part, which is how you start with trust and how you end with it. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What has been the challenge in s in building this platform that maybe you didn't anticipate or you did and how are you working to to overcome it? Is it like a software thing? Is it like a person thing? speaker-0: So ⁓ there's it's all the relationship thing. So I have an insane network. I have thousands of people who are investors and family offices and next gens and private equity and hedge fund and celebrities and athletes and Super Bowl champs. I'm insanely connected. And I have been more than humbled with a number of people who I presented my vision often that they asked four years before and won't take the time to talk to me. The minute I'm going after investment, ⁓ I'm sorry, I'm not investing right now. Then a week later if they I see them say, I just invested in such and such. And so there's a massively broken part of the investment world that if I as a white man in my mid to late forties with a technical expertise. Based on my best selling book and everything else. If I'm having these problems, what's it like for everyone else? Because it's humiliating. Even though I have, I've raised 1.3 million and I have 30 investors and I can have a product coming to market. And ⁓ my God, the amount of pain it's caused me, the mental anguish, the stress, the anxiety that doesn't need to be there. If you are an investor, you don't want to invest in me, just tell me no. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Don't make me chase you for five months to finally have you say, ⁓ I'm not allocating this year. speaker-1: Yeah. And do you think that was like that that initial challenge? Do you see that as you know, one of the ten filters of your network or a or maybe maybe having to reposition how you're going about it? I'm wondering what that that moment sparked in you. speaker-0: Couple of things. One is if my tech existed, this wouldn't have been my problem because my tech is also meant to solve that problem, right? I have friends who are investors who told me no. Many times have been like, listen, I've looked at five hundred deals this quarter. Yeah. It's exhausting. And of course then I say, You don't need to look at it anymore. I'm your one. And then they laugh, but like they're also my friend. But think about how much better it would be if they had a filter based on deals from people that they trust. Deals for which the person recommending it is trusted. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: But the people who I don't trust, now you can figure out, are also in this deal. And so what I'm learning is that the system's broken and what I'm hopefully building right is a way to solve all that. Because if it's only opt-in permission, then if I write you and you're like, listen, I'm not investing, then you said no, I move on. We saved each other time. But if you feel emotionally tied to me to then hear my pitch and then emotionally tied to not tell me no. You're actually causing us both strife when really the in the reaction is or interaction should be no transaction. That's okay. And I think we can do it better, but it takes a a different level of transparency and opt-in. speaker-1: Yeah. How in the platform are you measuring the metric of trust? Is it like a score out of a hundred? This person is eighty-eight out of a hundred trustworthy, or is like what goes into increasing or decreasing? speaker-0: Yeah. So the source score, I thought initially should be out of a hundred out of ten. But if I said you to you, you're a six out of ten or a sixty out of a hundred, you're gonna be like, I'm a failure. That's a D or a IF. And so we actually changed it. What we're testing now is it's out of fifteen. Because if you're a four out of fifteen, ⁓ I can't wait to get to seven. If you're an eleven out of fifteen, you feel good. But if you're an eight out of ten, you're like, why am I not a ten? Why am I not a nine? And so the algorithm with which is this complex beast I've been honing for 20 months now and still do it. The idea was how long have you known somebody? What's the volume of interactions you've had? Yep. How does that compare to everyone else you've met? Then a whole it's seven pages long, this algorithm. Ifs, ands, or buts of like how do you communicate? What's the frequency? If you and I finish this podcast and we both have something on the hour. And there's five WhatsApps and text messages, who do you answer because you you have to? What about if those same, say, ten messages you and I each get? What if after this you have an insanely busy day and you get to most people Friday? But who did you get to next Tuesday? Whereas I answer all ten, but then when something comes in later today, I ignore it for three weeks because I've used the time I had. So each person's different, but the idea was you build a variable algorithm. based on human psychology, it's the one thing I tend to know really well is what me makes people tick to build and maintain relationships. So that's that's the moat. I could explain a thousand nuances that wouldn't even cover two pages of the algorithm because there's so many variables based on who you connect with, how you connect, and who they are to you over five years versus eight actually matters profoundly. speaker-1: Is there ⁓ automation and integration with like LinkedIn messages or cell phone or how are you able to track like the the amount of correspondence or is like all that correspondence just brand new and it's done through the platform? speaker-0: So we base our premise on data pr privacy and sovereignty. So we don't actually partner with LinkedIn and LinkedIn messages. Most LinkedIn messages to me are complete spam. And I and I'm just ignoring that. But I hope to be at a point to be able to say to LinkedIn, hey, instead of just a first degree, we can now help you qualify who within my LinkedIn network of thousands of people are my actual most trusted. And we figured out that forty of them I wasn't connected to in LinkedIn. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: We solved that for you. So now my algorithm for you to make more money from me or my network is actually better. So we took the premise: your emails, your calendar, your iMessage, your WhatsApp. Those were the primary means of communication. So we aggregate all those together on an ongoing basis. And when you message somebody in my app, you're actually choosing to email them or WhatsApp. You're not staying in another stupid app. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. speaker-0: Like many conference apps. You'll let a conference, you get a note, you click in the text, it takes you into your phone safari. Then you have to re log in with your username and your password to read a message that says, I'm in the lobby, but by that point the person's left the lobby because you stepped out to log into the app. This is a normal conference attendee problem, but all these apps try to replace what you do on your phone, which is email or message. So we thought, screw that, let's just have you use what you normally use. We'll just augment you to use it better. speaker-1: Yep. That's amazing. This sounds very interesting. I wanna I I'm gonna follow up with you and sign up for this afterward. speaker-0: We are we are getting we are getting there. It's the last several months have been both a lesson in patience, a lesson in growth, but also real excitement for the massive opportunity in front of us. speaker-1: A c a couple last questions I have. Thanks for yeah, for sticking on. The outreach with intention, connect with connecting with intent is something you mentioned early on. I I have I'm I fear that humanity is becoming a little bit more self centered than it has historically. And w which means that I i Opposite correlation, people that are reaching out aren't maybe not as in a giving mindset as maybe they historically have been. How can somebody who maybe realizes the importance of being able to outreach with a giving mindset, a curious mindset, not expecting anything in return, somebody that's not used to doing that? Are there is there any advice that you would give that person, or is it a similar, just like resetting mind, outreaching, give, curious? And stop my brain from going anywhere else and just getting tons of repetitions doing that? speaker-0: I love how politely you said to me, David, how are you managing the fact that people are selfish as hell right now? People are more so than normal. People are tribal, but they have matters, right? So I view every interaction as an opportunity to filter somebody in or out of my life. So I had a call earlier today, and I was two minutes late for the call because my twelve-year-old came home sick from camp. speaker-1: We still have normal. speaker-0: And I need to make sure that she got her medicine and got what she needed. She's an amazing twelve year old. She's Can I have lentil soup? And I was like, sure. She's like, Is that okay? I was like, Stop apologizing for wanting vegetables. And this person, they were upset I was two minutes late. Now I owned up to it. I apologized, but they immediately made me feel judged. And I knew by the end of this call I'd never talk to them again. Because if I said to you, Joseph, I'd like you to interview this person. That I know, and when I first met them, they judged me for being an active parent, taking care of my daughter. You're gonna go, I don't want to they don't have a cause. They're the problem. I'll interview in my podcast, you're the problem, but not find your cause. Everything is a window to understand why we let our sentiment get in front of the way we can actually filter out so many red flags. So when I offer to somebody to help them, that is a partly sincere offer. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Because what I am waiting on, if they're an actual giver is somebody so uncomfortable, they say, I I I appreciate this, but how can I help you? Or is there somebody you want me to help? I don't need their help right away, but I want to see if they have that bone in their body to reciprocate back, then I'll open up doors. If they're so grateful because they deserve it, good for them. I'm not actually gonna do it. And I'm certain when I say to them, please follow up and ask me for help, ninety percent of the time when you ask somebody to follow up. To give you the respect of an email, a note to say, here's how you can help me. The selfish ones won't do it, because if they deserve it, it should happen right away with no context. The intentional ones go, Yeah, you know what? Joseph's gonna send this note to one of his podcast guests for me. Let me give him exactly what he needs to save him time. And they're gonna want be the one who already knows how young your kids are and how busy you are at those ages. There could be somebody who already has an understanding because they actually were curious. The other person just thinks, What's the opportunity for me? speaker-1: Yeah. And do you believe at your core that's something that could be trained out of? ⁓ speaker-0: ⁓ yes. Yeah. So the the rule in my network, right? I had to figure out the psychology. So bear with me for two minutes as I explain it. And hopefully everyone will find it interesting because this is how I lead in this world and it is effective. So the question was: how do you get somebody to be selfish at the same time that they are selfless? And so in my network, this is what happens. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: You meet somebody through my network in Chicago, and that person gets you an amazing new opportunity. You have to thank me for that introduction. In this case, because I reached out to you, the chain starts with, here's where we are. But in other cases, it'll be that my friend Brian in Chicago introduced me to your friend Tina, and Tina then got you to me, and now I'm on your podcast. There's always going to be a change. And so the ask is to have people say thank you down the entire chain. That's the selfless part. But the same time, right, if I if this is the chain and we had a few people introduce us in it to get to me being on your show now, think about this. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Look whose show I was just on. Seven years of a track record every friggin' week with hundreds of guests, a really well-regarded podcast. Look at me, I just got featured. And thank you to Brian, who's a major family office, and thank you to Linda, who works at So and So they believe in me. They're important. I'm important. Joseph interviewed me. That's the self-ish part. But if you do it under the guise of gratitude, thank you for having me. Thank you for these amazing people for believing in me. Everyone sees the selfless part while strategically everyone ⁓ David's on that podcast. That's pr that's a pretty cool one to get. Not everyone gets on that. I guess he must have some reason that he's featured. Maybe it's his ⁓ I'm gonna invest in a startup, I'm gonna go buy his book, I'm gonna come to his next Chicago event. All those things are actions that make my life easier, but they only come if you actually teach people that being selfish and selfless can actually work together. speaker-1: Yep. Well. Yeah, I've always thought of them as dichotomous versus w being able to work together. G 'cause yeah. That's like probably the mental battle a lot of people face is like crap, am I doing I partially like would love something out of this, but the same time, like I really do mean to do this and I am trying to make a connection. And I feel like in our brains we've we're forcing ourselves like to have to choose whether it is selfless or selfish. So yeah, completely changing that paradigm and saying it is possible. for for both in mind. Seems like a very simple solve that I don't know why pe like me personally hasn't thought of yeah. Yeah. None of the speaker-0: This is easy, right? When I wrote my book and I have a hard time remembering it, like the five principles we ask people to adhere to, to be curious and vulnerable, build diversity into their networks, and to live in a world of generosity and gratitude. None of that is novel, but try to do all five at once every single day or remember all five, it's really hard. speaker-1: ⁓ So SOR Connect at this point, I know we're getting close to the end here. What do you need to reduce the potential risk of it not working out and increase the likelihood of it working out? 'Cause you said at this point you're not sure if it's gonna work out. What would completely change that? I'm guessing additional capital or or what it would be kind of speaker-0: Capital always changes it and I'm in the middle of a bridge round and after that we're gonna scale to a series A. But you know, my privilege is I've run for eleven years an intentional network of networks that's global with nearly three thousand people in forty-seven countries. But if somebody's listening to this or somebody in your network, they're influential and they get the power of community, the more I have people go, I've now seen under the hood, this was designed for what I've always wanted. The more I get those leaders to bring their whole communities in, then every community connects to another community through the people in between them. If this gets to a critical mass where my network in Chicago and my network in Detroit, my network in Austin, and my network in Nashville, and my network in Dallas and Houston, all in that corridor start to interact more positively together, that's what makes the tech work. Because the minute the people make asked to get something self lessly from it and selfishly from it, the psychology works because then you think I got more and I gave more. I'm gonna keep getting more, I'm gonna keep giving more. And that's what makes this not a SaaS tech, not a community tech, not a business tech, but a relationship intelligence platform to work in amongst all of this. speaker-1: Yeah. So people like me that are listening and want to get engaged and involved in this, what what type of engagement or involvement are you looking for at this point and where could they go to to connect? speaker-0: So if somebody's a connector and this is the open offer, say you heard this podcast, reach out to me. My email is on the website of my connecting group, orchestrated connecting dot com. But in my name, DavidHoman.com, I put everything I do. So I make it all easy. You know, we're gonna go out to beta testing with the people in my network to start, because I have thousands. Then I'm gonna need people to become early adopters, to become champions of this and maximize their potential. And the more I do that in the world that is impactful and powerful, meaning biz big business, family office, venture, private equity, if I have some major business, say just going back to Chic Chicago endlessly, have their sales team have a 10X for the year because they use my tech, you better be sure that help is going to give me every lead I need for every other business. But if those that business did it with opt-in, consent and integrity, then they did it the right way, which proves there's a better way to do it than a bunch of spammed emails or calls to hopefully get the next one client. What if your sister's best friend could get you that and you didn't know and the tech helps open that door for you? speaker-1: Yeah. Well. Two final questions. One's ⁓ a more personal one. Given how busy you've had you've been and you thinking there's still three more years of this busyness, has you have you had the opportunity to write or play any music recently? speaker-0: So the answer would generally be less, yes, but I play music and I sing. I'm not a great singer, but I'm enjoying it. But my father passed last December and it took the the creative bones out of my body right now. I've improvised twice. I sit down at a piano and I feel such a a sh a well and a shallowness of emotion. I'm not certain I can. I'm trying to get back into it to find that joy again, but I'm Probably why I'm grieving, there's just l less in there. speaker-1: Yeah. I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah. And I I don't know much about people that write and record music, but I from the artists that I do follow, it sounds like they have a way of kind of converting that grief into music themselves and that being very a very healing activity. So whether or not that happens to you. speaker-0: It will. It's just gonna take more time than I'm already for. speaker-1: And lastly, is there anything you wanna leave us with, maybe that we missed before we wrap up? speaker-0: Yeah, I'll leave everyone with this. And I often close with this, but I found podcast audiences are always very separately attuned. So when you ask earlier what makes somebody who has a beginning of a network find any power or joy, what gets somebody to that next level? It always goes back to that goal of the fact one person out of thirty thanked you. So if everyone listening, and I do this every week, were to simply thank One or two people this week that have been helpful in their lives, the right job, the right room, a friendly ear that gave them the grotting to do what's next. No one's been told thank you in a while. So just start to do it. Do not ask for anything. Just spend a few minutes saying I'd love to thank you. It not only warms your heart, it will make somebody's year. And if you do that enough times, you realize more people are valuing you than than you thought valued you. And then you'll start to see what happens, which is selfish strategically, right? Selfless act, selfish outcome. People call me call you up and be like, hey, like I I heard that last podcast. Friend of mine wants to sponsor. Do you take sponsors? And you'd be like, That wasn't why I called you up when you helped my dog when he was lost four years ago. But yes, and that what is virtuous and happenstance can actually become Absolutely valid in meaning. speaker-1: David, really appreciate your time. And these 46 minutes have been amazing. And people that are listening will include a lot of the links that David mentioned in the show notes as well. But I'm personally really excited to follow up with you on this and I'll be in line waiting to hear more about the platform and try to sign up myself. So thank you again, David, so much for your time. speaker-0: I appreciate it and I appreciate everyone listening. speaker-1: Awesome.