Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season One, Episode 34: Bring Out Your Dead

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Season One, Episode 34: Bring Out Your Dead · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:01
Greeting scum and welcome to Flail of the Face.
0:03
My name is Kevin. I'm taking over the big boy
0:06
chair again. It's more like a high chair.
0:09
Yeah, the high chair. I get the little tray in front
0:11
of me so I can eat my my, my goldfish.
0:14
All right, who's here? Hello, I'm Levi.
0:17
I'm Thomas and I'm the lone survivor, well, other than Tommy
0:23
and I'll be playing Quill Knock. And I'm Jacob that that's about
0:27
all I got for you right now. Let's flail this shit.
0:55
Last we left, these fucking guys, they were in the middle of
1:00
trying to get the hell out of the Dusk Funnel.
1:02
Sasha was running around like a lunatic.
1:05
Sven and Quillnock and Tommy and Screech were partially trying to
1:09
chase her down, partially trying to get the hell out of there.
1:12
Got into a room and one by one got picked up and plucked away
1:16
by a devourer. Screech pulled out the the
1:19
trachea of Pulchroon Turdwad and called his old friend and.
1:24
Then he showed up and fucking annihilated.
1:27
Yeah, then shit got real on that one, Yeah.
1:30
Bad pun. Yeah, well, I know.
1:33
Shame not used to this we. Do on the show.
1:35
Yeah, Long story short, Spinned Dead Screech, Mia, Sasha Dead.
1:42
Tommy and Kwilnock had made it to the surface, and that's where
1:46
we'll find them. But before we go any further,
1:48
Tommy and Kwilnock get to get better.
1:52
Yeah, go up, go ahead and start getting better.
1:54
OK, So we'll do the we'll do the hit points first automatically
1:59
right off the bat, I will be going up AD 6, go up 3.
2:03
So I will have a total of 11. Oh, beefy boy.
2:07
My strength stays the same. Agility goes up to 0, presence
2:13
goes up to zero, and my toughness goes up to one.
2:17
There are. Some solid numbers there,
2:20
brother. And in my pockets I find an
2:25
unclean scroll. I mean we can't use scrolls, but
2:28
I mean you can have it. Oh yeah, that's right.
2:30
So as Tommy and Quelnock are standing outside, you'll notice
2:34
that it's starting to get lighter and lighter out, which
2:38
means it is a new day. Somebody rolled me a misery, not
2:41
me. I'll do it.
2:43
OK. And I think we're on D. 6. 6.
2:48
I think we rolled the D8. Last time, all right.
2:52
That's 6. Beautiful.
2:54
All right, so it's going to be D4 next time.
2:57
Glorious. And then somebody want to roll
3:00
the weather? That is a 2. 2 All right, so as
3:06
the sun is coming up, it is immediately shrouded in clouds
3:11
and it is starting to hammer rain down upon Tommy and
3:16
Quillnock as they're standing there basically washing off the
3:19
shit they were covered in thanks to Turdwod the the Fecula. 1 You
3:22
did there there. We needed, we needed this just
3:26
kind of like rinsing out my hair, getting literal crap
3:31
washed out. Tommy's going to kind of brush
3:33
the rest of the the shit and muck off of him as well.
3:37
And off in the distance you see what appears to be a large
3:40
wagon. Couple people in the front
3:42
coming up with looks like a couple of folks in the back and
3:46
a a large ox in tow behind. They look like they're probably
3:51
a good 100 yards off. Not paying any mind.
3:54
Looks like a a large lumber hauling wagon, but it's empty
3:58
right now. It's full of bodies.
4:01
The it's a large, it's a large lumber hauling wagon that is not
4:05
full of lumber, but as it turns out, full of bodies.
4:09
So about 100 yards out as Tommy and Quelock are getting cleaned
4:13
off. Well, like, what are you?
4:14
What are you thinking? Seeing this big wagon coming up
4:19
just kind of readies his water hammer at this point because I
4:22
don't know who these people are. I don't know what their tent is.
4:24
OK, Tommy's going to kind of be cleaning off the muck off of
4:29
Dieter the the powder pig as well, and try to pocket that
4:32
little stash of powder before anyone else notices.
4:36
And he'll he sees the the wagon come up and he'll kind of get
4:39
his tomahawk ready as well as he does Jake and Levi.
4:44
Go ahead and make me a presence test both of you to DR8.
4:49
OK, well fuck me. And that's a six.
4:52
Three. All right.
4:54
We're up to a great start. You guys are killing it as the
4:57
wagon gets closer. Tommy.
5:00
Oh, hey, you know what? Tommy will roll a presence test.
5:02
OK, I'm. Gonna say don't these guys
5:04
recognize me? So as I roll in 18, Tommy
5:08
notices in the back of this lumber wagon that he recognizes
5:13
both of you guys characters. Pull back those guys.
5:16
Those guys are part of the part of the Arch Ropes gang.
5:18
I wonder what the hell they're doing up here though.
5:20
Hopefully they're more survivable than your other
5:23
companions. I hope so too.
5:25
I I had a lot of faith in both those guys and that didn't quite
5:29
work out. Miss those guys.
5:31
I'm. Going to pull his wagon up right
5:33
next to these these two that I don't recognize.
5:36
Audi, you've seen any You've seen any strange fellows walking
5:40
around? They come from.
5:44
Where's that road again? God damn it.
5:46
Look, Phil, can you, can you remind me in my, my head start
5:49
to slip a little bit again. It's my stench of those boxes
5:53
getting to me. This is why we always cover them
5:56
with the tarp so the stench doesn't leak through.
5:59
You want to get rained on or have the fucking tarp on bodies
6:03
you know? The rain cleanses my armor.
6:06
OK, looks fucking stolen, might want to cover up that.
6:10
I don't know what you're talking about.
6:12
All right, well anyways, you 2 little clowns, you smell like
6:16
shit. Smell like wet shit.
6:19
Tommy pulls his his cloak back. Oh fuck, it's Tommy.
6:23
Jason. Tommy, good lad.
6:26
So you know these guys. I, I, I, I do know these guys.
6:30
There a reason you're covered in shit?
6:32
It's it's a complex back story. What?
6:34
Did I tell you about your hygiene?
6:36
Yeah, and I know it's still early.
6:38
All right. Levi, Jake, introduce your
6:40
characters. Oh God.
6:41
All right. My name is Sip loss SIPHYLAUS.
6:46
I'm a corpse plunderer. I am a creepy looking old dirty
6:51
pox ridden motherfucker. Surprisingly though, I'm pretty
6:54
resilient to diseases and and infections.
6:58
But I've only got one health and I have a pet crow named Ted
7:03
Buddy. Ted.
7:05
Yeah, I am. I am the grossest, looking like
7:09
cemetery caretaker the Wiggins for transporting goods for the
7:12
Arch Rogue. I use the bodies to cover up
7:14
smuggled goods. Nobody likes to check a wagon
7:17
full of bodies, you know. Perfect.
7:19
I am playing Phil. Phil is a fugitive night.
7:23
He's stubborn, he's controlling, he's surprisingly clean.
7:26
And he's not a coward. He's not afraid to show.
7:29
Fantastic. Well, my bird shits on me
7:32
whenever it gets a chance. You like the?
7:36
Brown Wizards. Phil Syphilis, what are you 2
7:39
doing out here? Oh, you know, just moving
7:42
product for the art trogue, but he did have some sort of message
7:47
pass on to you. He wants you to hide, hightail
7:49
it back right quick and he seems he seems to think that you
7:54
failed again. So I don't know what I mean tell
7:57
you. You were never good at keeping
7:59
it in line. No, my experience.
8:02
He's got tracks. That tracks if I if I remember
8:05
correctly. Maybe I'm just fucking this up,
8:07
but I think he gave me a letter to give to you so you can
8:11
understand what the next move is in this this complex story we
8:15
got rolling here. All right, well hand me the
8:17
letter. OK, let me just dig through my
8:18
pockets here. Hold on.
8:20
I'm going to pull out my cat of nine tails, a broken wine
8:23
bottle, some toilet paper, a bottle of something, all of my
8:26
coins, and then the letter. OK.
8:29
There you go, and. That ball of toilet paper is
8:31
just melting away. Right on the bottom, always on
8:33
the ball. Ask me.
8:36
So the note says, Dear Zyzek, Plague SOP Arch rogue of
8:42
Schleswig's Underground, you're receiving this letter to inform
8:45
you that your great Aunt Yodna and great Uncle Craig Allen are
8:48
dead and being as you're the only surviving family, you have
8:52
inherited their home and dead in the settlement of Iker Thorne.
8:57
We request that you either make the trip from Schleswig yourself
9:01
or send someone on your behalf to take care of the finer
9:03
details when you arrive in town on the outskirts of Sarkash.
9:08
Find me Proxec and I will fill you in condolences for your loss
9:13
Roxette. So you mean to tell me that he's
9:15
sending you 2 up here to tell me to go back and talk to him and
9:19
then to go up to Sarkash? Yeah, I mean, Tommy, you've
9:24
always been low on the totem pole.
9:26
He just likes to fuck with you. Well, I know, I guess the family
9:30
and all. Salty business about the dying
9:32
or whatever, but that. OK, well then I guess, I guess
9:38
I'll go talk to the Arch Rogue and.
9:39
I mean, if you need someone to go to SAR Cash, it'd be a favor
9:44
for you. Digging me out of that pit.
9:46
I can go on your behalf. You know, look at that.
9:49
He's just willing to help. Look at that, you know.
9:51
No, he's no, he's a, he's a good fucking dude.
9:54
I like to consider it proactive. Proactive.
9:58
Yeah, no, you guys may have to make a pit stop back here and
10:02
take out some big fucking dude. OK, well, hey, I'm going to go
10:06
back to Schleswig and go talk to the arch rogue and I think I
10:09
need some fucking time off. I may I may go visit my cousin
10:13
crater out in grip at his copy bar farm.
10:16
I think I need some fucking time off, Quelnock.
10:18
It's been a fucking pleasure. You're a good dude.
10:21
I'll take any shit it. That's sure.
10:24
OK, cool. Fuck me.
10:26
Right? All right, Uncle Raz, let's
10:27
fucking go. That's how I got these pox.
10:31
And Tommy's going to make the long trek back to Schleswig did.
10:35
We just get, did he just give us some?
10:37
He didn't even offer any money for us to do this, Phil.
10:40
I don't know what you're doing, I'm just here for the ride.
10:43
Well. Looks like you guys got Duke.
10:46
Make some room on that cart. Now climb up and I put like a
10:49
shit covered handprint on the armor.
10:52
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I pull out a.
10:57
Really. Crunchy blanket and I start
10:59
wiping it off. Oh God, why is it crunchy?
11:04
Why is it crunchy? Oh God he's giving himself pox
11:08
blanket it needs. To be rough to.
11:10
Polish. It good got to keep polishing to
11:12
be. Abrasive, you know.
11:17
You'll notice that the two people up in the front, there's
11:19
one that's holding the reins and the other one that's kind of
11:22
holding like a Lantern up trying to shield it from the elements.
11:25
Kind of look back to all three of you guys, shake their head,
11:28
hit the reins and then start heading north.
11:38
OK, where the fuck? Why are Who's driving my fucking
11:41
wagon right now? It's being pulled behind.
11:44
With my ox. Yeah.
11:45
I must be doing well with the Arch Rogue.
11:49
You must be. Apparently there's such a thing
11:52
as favorites, and you're one of them.
11:54
I'm now understanding what my position is as a syphilis in the
12:00
Arch Rogue's Flinchpin. What are we, a mob?
12:03
Are you as bed warmer or? Oh, I'm like the right hand man,
12:07
obviously. He's the bed man.
12:08
Oh. My.
12:09
God, he's, he's the right hand man for terrorism.
12:15
Can never have anything good. All right, so after going for
12:21
about an hour or so, the the guy holding the the Lantern looks
12:25
back and says, hey, we know a shortcut to get past the galgum
12:28
back so we don't have to pay the tariffs going through town.
12:31
It's going to be a little quicker than it usually is.
12:33
Somebody give me AD four, All right.
12:37
So it's going to be about four days, which is actually very,
12:40
very quick to get from where you're at to where you're going.
12:43
So one of the first things I'm definitely doing during this day
12:46
is like looking at these two again.
12:48
Like I have rune stones for eyes.
12:51
I'm just looking at these two and it's like, so how'd you 2
12:54
meet? You guys been together long?
12:55
Oh, we go back. What would?
12:58
You say about 15 years. Oh, you could say that.
13:01
Around here, about 15 years, we've been working together.
13:04
So common law bro. Hubs got it.
13:06
Yes, yes. What's?
13:07
That term. Used there.
13:09
We're we're boyfriends. We're boys who are friends, yes.
13:12
We've been best man friends ever since.
13:15
Oh, you remember, He says. Best man friends, I say.
13:17
We're boyfriends. So I agree, we're both lab
13:19
friends. Yeah.
13:20
Yeah, like lab bugs. Yeah, butt buddies, you could
13:23
say we keep each other warm. Especially or not because it
13:26
gets cold on the road and. I got this cold cold steel.
13:30
It's like a nut to butt thing. But, you know, you just don't
13:32
get exciting. That's why I have the crunchy
13:34
blanket you. Two, you 2 are adorable.
13:39
Right, cool. I don't know what's that?
13:41
What's that term used? Again, adorable.
13:43
Wait, what's that? Yeah, don't, don't worry about
13:46
it. That's fine.
13:46
Hold on, my fucking pox are acting up and I'm going to.
13:49
Climb to the rear and go pop a pox off the back end of the
13:52
wagon. Oh.
13:55
He does this daily. He does.
13:57
It's good for the He opens up the Porsche.
14:01
Oh God, it gets all of a stench up.
14:03
Oh, it smells. Too keeps the barn and suck the
14:05
trail. So bad.
14:07
Oh. My God.
14:08
All right, Jake, go ahead and roll me an agility test to stay
14:11
on there since the rain is still hammering down and you're on the
14:14
very edge of it and your ox is like being tote.
14:18
Oh, no. Oh.
14:19
No, Jesus. Gravity.
14:22
Wow, how do almonds work again? I can re roll that right?
14:26
Yeah, yeah. Yes, you can.
14:29
Oh, sweet boy, sweet baby boy. No.
14:34
Yes, the emotions. The emotions.
14:37
Oh, man. Wow.
14:39
Well, Agile, look at him. Yeah, so.
14:42
For a second I thought he was going to lose it.
14:44
Hit a big rock on the road, you see it look like you're cartoon
14:48
kicking your legs around and you end up superhero landing and
14:51
then pop another pock or whatever you're doing.
14:54
Yeah, the propulsion of my pock's popping, drifting me back
14:58
up into the back of the wagon. God, that's terrible.
15:02
It's it's impressive though. Pretty.
15:04
Hey, you're going to fucking love it when we get sworn by
15:07
like a crowd when after they catch off the heap, it's healing
15:10
from blacksmiths again. Just you're saying beautiful.
15:13
I didn't understand any of that but.
15:15
What was that term used? Adorable.
15:17
Yeah, I take that back. Somebody rolled me AD 6 as you
15:22
guys are traveling. That is a six.
15:26
OK. Oh, that's fabulous.
15:29
As you guys are going heading north, you do see that there is
15:33
a wagon off to the side. Looks like the wheel came off
15:37
and there's a there's a small frail looking man trying to
15:43
finagle it back onto the the axle.
15:45
Be careful, this is a trap. This is how I got caught by the
15:48
colt. Oh, don't you worry, we got it.
15:52
It'd be very easy for us to put that up there.
15:55
When they take like your eyes or some other appendage just.
15:58
Remember Honor. I've warned you.
16:01
Just remember, I've warned you. It'll be OK.
16:05
All right. Once per day I can see through
16:07
the eyes of Ted Buddy. OK, I'm going to.
16:10
And he can also understand me, apparently.
16:12
So I'm going to whistle for Ted Buddy to come perch on me after
16:16
he's done taking a shit again and.
16:19
Hey, drop foot on your shoulder. I need you to go check out,
16:22
check out that wig and see if if it's really just a frail man
16:24
because we, we, we can use some wheels for our wig.
16:27
And so maybe we just check it out.
16:28
Oh, like the Oregon Trail? Yes.
16:31
Yeah, we rob them, drop them by. We got to get all the bear.
16:34
Ted Boddy loves eyeballs. You pack them out right over
16:36
there. Send the.
16:37
Gunpowder, yes. See you later.
16:41
And then flaps off. Go ahead and roll a present test
16:44
for Old Ted, Buddy. It's a 16.
16:47
Give me. You see that there is just the
16:50
man right next to the wagon trying to finagle it.
16:53
And you notice that there's three other people kind of out
16:57
in the in the Bush as well. They can't really tell what
17:00
they're doing exactly. Maybe they're foraging, maybe
17:03
they're hiding, maybe they're not exactly sure what's going
17:05
on. But there there is a total of
17:07
four people that are part of this little wagon is.
17:09
There any shiny armor I'm. Going to say no, I'm not.
17:13
I'm going to say no. Looks like just people in, you
17:15
know, normal kind of tattered kind of torn clothing Well.
17:20
Everybody says pull, not push it right pull.
17:24
Out. Yeah.
17:24
Who's? That's, that's that's gross.
17:27
Yeah. He likes murders.
17:29
Like say hey, no. And he and he talked to you.
17:32
Yeah, you hear in power over there, he talking about how,
17:35
yeah, there's some fucking oh, three of them.
17:37
There's three in the in the bushes over there.
17:39
So I don't know, but you pull not but feeling that we we just
17:42
like taking things on a road with you on a road.
17:44
Everybody's freaking, you know what I'm saying?
17:46
Especially his apple. I mean, it's very likely that's
17:50
how I got caught by a Colt. So if they're going to ambush
17:52
us, let's take them out first. Levi, go enroll me at D20.
17:57
It's a 14. Give me cab. 14 gives not
18:02
necessarily you, but out of nowhere you hear the twang of an
18:06
arrow and it ends up hitting the guy holding the Lantern right
18:11
through the head and he drops and slumps over.
18:14
Shit, somebody. Somebody beating us too.
18:16
Beautiful and roll initiative fuck.
18:20
Three shouldn't have been me, should not have been me.
18:23
All right, so the guy that was messing with the wheel ends up
18:29
pulling a rope from across the road and ends up tangling up the
18:35
feet of the horse that's pulling the wagon.
18:37
So you guys are stopped. The three other people start to
18:41
approach, two of them with the swords in hand and one with a
18:45
bow and arrow drawn and ready. They're not doing anything just
18:48
yet, but they are drawn and ready.
18:50
This is where we get in there, boys.
18:51
And I I draw this giant scythe off my back and I dive off the
18:57
the cart on one of the guys. I'm gonna I'm.
19:03
Trying to tell Ted buddy to go for the guy with the ball.
19:06
Heck, his eyes out. OK.
19:08
And also hide in the back of the wagon under some.
19:10
Corpses. Perfect.
19:12
Who's going first? Then?
19:13
I will. Are you attacking?
19:15
Are you talking? What are you?
19:16
Doing diving off the cart and attacking.
19:18
Scythe ready? Scythe ready?
19:21
Yeah, gonna have some. 14. Cool set is a hit.
19:25
You report your soul. They didn't do anything yet.
19:29
Three damage. And this was the to the one with
19:32
the bow or one of the swords. One of the swords.
19:35
All right, you said three damage.
19:36
Yes. All right, so you take your your
19:40
sight and you tell me how you hit him.
19:42
He's still alive, but tell me how you hit him.
19:44
I lop off one of his arms. It cuts through with like
19:48
butter. Give too much power.
19:49
It's very sharp. Yeah.
19:52
He's still alive, but he's maimed.
19:55
OK roll me AD 2 to see if it is the sword hand or the other.
20:01
One is sword, 2 is other. One is sword.
20:04
Sword drops to the ground. Because I meant to take off.
20:08
Well, it was definitely his arm, not his penis.
20:12
Quilt, now seeing this, is going to follow suit and like, jump
20:16
off. Yes, join the party.
20:18
Swing his warhammer at the the same individual.
20:21
Oh, adorable, look at that thing.
20:23
Please attack. That is a 12.
20:26
A12 wheel hit. For an additional 3 down lodge.
20:30
All right, this guy is looking bloodied, but he's still up.
20:35
So it's basically like I dropped down to the ground and then do
20:38
like an underhand swing and just like right up into his gut.
20:41
Solid thud right to the stomach, starts pissing blood and he's
20:45
got the wind knocked out of him as well.
20:47
I'm going to hate saying this every fucking time.
20:49
Syphilis. Yeah.
20:52
What are you doing? Well, as as syphilis has turned,
20:55
I'd like to creep down under deep end within these these
20:59
bodies and get real tight life and hot and then and then Ted
21:02
buddy can kill off the rest out there.
21:05
OK. Do I got to roll something to
21:06
hide? No.
21:07
OK then I just hide and Ted buddy is going to he's going to
21:10
roll 3 so he's probably not going to do shit.
21:12
Nope. Ted Buddy's going to swoop in on
21:16
Bow Boy on the one with the bow and doesn't make any purchase on
21:19
him, but he kind of distracts him just a little bit with that.
21:24
It's initiative time. That's a one.
21:27
All right, so Bo Guy is going to fire one off at Old Ted Buddy
21:34
there? No.
21:35
So go ahead and defend for Old Ted Buddy.
21:37
And do you have any hit points for a Ted Buddy?
21:40
I do. How many?
21:41
Six. He has more hit points than you
21:43
6. Times out of his owner.
21:46
Oh my fuck. Jake's going to be playing Ted
21:48
Buddy here. I actually, yeah, that might be
21:51
true. Like a Ted on the He's alive.
21:56
All righty, the guy with the bow just fires off an arrow and it
21:59
just goes wildly into the air. The guy that had his hand lopped
22:03
off and hit in the stomach is not looking too good, but he
22:05
will pick up his sword with his other hand and try to swing at
22:10
Phil with this sword. So go ahead and make a defense
22:12
role. That's a nine.
22:14
All right, that is going to be a hit.
22:15
That is going to be a short sword.
22:18
So D4. Two damage minus 2 -, 6 OK, I'm
22:23
good. He goes to swings that he's not,
22:25
he's not very confident in what he's doing.
22:27
So he he swings that and just glances off of that shiny
22:30
Christine glorious armor of yours.
22:32
Oh, it must be your first time and I take my crunchy blanket
22:35
and I wipe off the. Smooth his sword.
22:39
Oh God. And then there's the third guy
22:42
with the sword and he's going to be going for looks like Quill
22:47
Knock. He's going to swing at you.
22:50
But that is a 10 so it hits me. Okay.
22:54
Or D4 so 4 damage -1 so I'm still doing fine.
23:01
Yeah. It manages to slide through a
23:05
gap in my armor and Pierce into basically the meat of my arm,
23:11
and that just like I snarl with rage at that. .0 you got to do
23:14
what I do. I put my chest into everything I
23:16
do. Yeah, well, I wouldn't have had
23:18
to worry about it, but you didn't kill this other guy
23:21
first. Well, I haven't had a chance to
23:23
hit him again. Well, why don't you do that?
23:25
I will. And the fourth guy is the fourth
23:28
guy with the knife. He is going to there's four yes,
23:34
this is the old guy that had the that was trying to finagle the
23:37
the wheel on. He is going to throw his knife
23:40
at Ted buddy. Where's where's our?
23:44
There was two guys on the on the bench right driving us 3.
23:47
Where's our other guy? The one got shot in the head.
23:51
Yes, the other one's just sitting up there.
23:53
He's not wanting to be a fuck yeah.
23:55
He's. Roll defense for old Ted buddy
24:01
Knife being whipped right at him.
24:03
God damn it, 18. Feet.
24:06
Oh no. This knife, it's D4.
24:09
I hate you. Plus special.
24:13
Fuck. I'm going to lose the only good
24:15
thing I have right away. What's special?
24:19
It's a poison tip knife. You ass, I hate you.
24:24
I get that have old Ted buddy make a toughness test or become
24:29
infected DR10 he is that's. Four damage and an infection.
24:38
Can't you re summon him? No.
24:40
It's sad. It's just the fucking.
24:42
Crow. You have an ox at least.
24:47
He doesn't have stats, he can't do shit.
24:51
Hey, it's your guys turn. Sensing that Ted Buddy's about
24:58
to go go down, I'm going to leap out of these bodies and Chuck my
25:02
broken wine bottle at the guy that threw the knife.
25:05
OK, make your attack roll. Actually it would be presents
25:09
for a throne weapon. Good, that's a 0.
25:13
Fuck. I got a four.
25:17
OK, so your wine bottle just goes off into the field?
25:21
All right, here comes Ted buddy. He's going to catch that wine
25:24
bottle and throw it back. Oh.
25:26
No, no, Ted buddy fucked up too. Oh, OK, so what'd Ted Buddy do?
25:31
He went to go catch the bottle and because he's been had a
25:34
knife thrown into one of his eye holes, he can't.
25:37
There's no depth perception. No birds were harmed in the
25:39
making of this episode. OK, who's next?
25:42
I'm going to reload back my sight and follow through again.
25:46
OK, that's a 15. That'll touch.
25:49
Tell me about it. Good, I just cut him in half and
25:53
his body falls. Apart, just bisected.
25:56
Just like horizontally, vertically.
25:58
Horizontally. I had a boy just.
26:00
Straight through the middle. And the both sides just drop.
26:04
And Quill knock will turn to the guy that just hit him and you
26:10
know what? I'm going to omen that to reduce
26:12
the Dr. by. 4:00 to. Give me a 13.
26:16
That will touch. For four damage to him.
26:21
Nice. That is a that's a healthy
26:25
touch. Basically I like turned like
26:28
after he stabbed me and I just swung back around and came down
26:32
and hit him like right on the collarbone and just hear that
26:35
cracking snap as it just kind of snaps.
26:38
OK. And as you hit in the
26:40
collarbone, that arm just kind of drops limp and just kind of
26:43
dangles there with that. It is initiative.
26:45
It's. It's.
26:51
Damn, why we suck so bad. We're just not good sometimes.
26:58
The old man that had the knife that chucked it at old Ted buddy
27:02
there is actually going to dive underneath the wagon.
27:05
And hi, because he's an old man, he has no weapons, so he's going
27:09
to dip out. The one with the bow is going
27:12
four. I have AD 41's going to be Quill
27:16
Knock. 2 is going to be Phil, 3 is going to be syphilis.
27:19
I hate that. And 4 is going to be Ted, all
27:22
right, and he's launching an arrow at Phil.
27:26
Bring it on. OK, what damage do I roll?
27:30
D6. Four damage.
27:33
OK. I take one point of demo.
27:38
Ouch. And that arrow just sinks right
27:40
between where your your chest plate meets your shoulder
27:44
pauldron area and kind of sticks right in there on your left arm.
27:48
And I just break the arrow shaft with my sight.
27:52
God, you're so beautifully and manly.
27:54
I love it. All right.
27:57
And the third guy with the sword is going to go for Quill Knock.
28:03
He's going to swing at you one that you had already attacked.
28:07
Yeah, no, he still hits. OK.
28:10
Or 3 - 5 So he's kind of like wildly swinging since now he has
28:17
a broken collarbone and so it just kind of like deflects off
28:21
of the the breastplate. Perfect.
28:23
You guys are like action heroes. Much action and it is your
28:27
guys''s turn. Quill Knox going to return the
28:29
favor. That's a 13 to hit.
28:32
That'll hit another 5 damage. Tell me about it.
28:37
So after deflecting that slash from this guy, just kind of like
28:43
raises the hammer up and just brings it down and it's just
28:46
crushes the skull like down into like his collarbone, just
28:50
snapping his neck and it just kind of like splits out from
28:53
there. Very good, very good, beautiful,
28:57
good. Follow through.
28:58
All right. It's all about the momentum.
29:01
Oh yes. Who's next?
29:03
I will swing my sight on the the one.
29:07
How far is the Archer boy? He's probably he's You can get
29:12
him in this turn. You can reach him this turn.
29:13
I would like to slice them. OK, run and slice.
29:17
Who that is in 20? Oh please, that is delicious.
29:24
That is 8 damage. Tell me all about it.
29:27
I run and then I kind of just jump up and like take a little
29:31
step off the ox and come down with like a quick Z shape site
29:36
thing motion. OK.
29:38
Then everything just kind of splits apart.
29:42
Beautiful Jake. There's one guy left and he's
29:45
underneath the wagon. What would you like to do?
29:47
I'm pissed. I hit the button that opens up
29:50
the bottom. It's a dart rogue smuggling
29:52
wagon. So we got secret trap doors and
29:54
shit. I'm going to drop a bunch of
29:55
dead bodies of myself down there and murder this man.
29:58
You're. Going to jump mass of people on.
30:01
Him. He's under his wagon, not yours.
30:03
Oh fuck. I hit that button anyways.
30:06
And you just dump a load of. Corpses.
30:09
Yeah, and then I'm going to squirm.
30:11
I spend time in graveyards plundering bodies all the time.
30:14
I know how to move a dead body around.
30:16
It's all good. I'm going to swim through all
30:18
these bodies under my wagon and sneak up on them and their
30:21
wagon. Sneak up on them.
30:23
Yeah, I'm creepy little old syphilis ridden fuck.
30:27
OK, Go, I guess, make an agility test for being stealthy, yeah.
30:33
Yeah. OK, that's fine.
30:34
I have a -, 3 or 2, so I got a 5.
30:40
OK, bodies drop. You're swimming through bodies.
30:44
Easier when I was younger. And he sees you and he kind of
30:48
steps out, hands up. Hey, we were just just looking
30:51
to to just to get some cash, fuck up my bird.
30:54
I'm. Brashing my cat and 9 tails at
30:57
him but I'm still fucking surrounded by bodies.
30:59
Hey, hey, hey, I'll, I'll just, I'll just go.
31:01
I'm going to fucking pick your eyes out.
31:04
No, no, I, I give, I give you. Better give.
31:08
Wasn't, wasn't my idea was. I was just here to think, wow,
31:13
that's terrible. You got any medicine on you?
31:16
No, but I think I want to take a break.
31:17
Fuck you. Ninja Board It's an RPG about
31:32
ninjas. Ninja Board, Get pumped, go
31:36
berserk, take your boss or teacher in the face.
31:39
Ninja Borg Fight bears, demons and Mecca Hitler.
31:44
Ninja Borg Team up with luchadors, T Rexes and John
31:49
Cena. Generators for ninja names and
31:52
backstories and one liners. Weapons and swag and magic.
31:56
Secret ninja missions and way the fuck more.
32:00
Tons of enemies, bosses and allies.
32:03
A5 act Epic introductory mission.
32:05
So many freaking tables that your cat will be all like meow.
32:11
Ninja Borg now with way too many exclamation marks.
32:15
If you don't back this shit on Kickstarter then you're a stupid
32:18
crybaby Pirate ninja Borg. Welcome back to play on the
32:34
face. These guys were on their way to
32:39
SAR cash and they got ambushed and they made quick work of most
32:44
of these guys old Ted buddy is is not doing too good, but
32:48
everyone else seems to be doing OK One guy left kind of cowering
32:52
over by their busted ass wagon. What do you guys want to do?
32:55
I'm going to. Fucking tie him up.
32:57
Don't worry, don't worry, I will take care of it.
33:01
All right, I got to suck the venom out of.
33:03
No, no, no. Make him do it.
33:05
Make him do it. Hey, you know, suck a bird.
33:07
Suck his. Bird.
33:08
Wait, what? You did this.
33:11
Get buddy, don't look so good. Put your mouth on his bird.
33:13
Suck a beak. Get the poison out.
33:16
But no, do it, no. Do it or you die.
33:20
Hold on, hold on. Let's think about this first.
33:22
All right, I'm. Going to hold my sight to his
33:23
neck. You knew that.
33:24
I'm going to go on. And I'm going to rub my you.
33:27
Got to hold his bird. You got to hold him.
33:29
No, can't, buddy. OK, hold on.
33:31
Just. Just you got to make sure you
33:32
don't bite. No.
33:33
I can't suck. I suck his bird.
33:35
I don't want to suck the bird. Suck the bird.
33:38
I'm not sucking the bird. We're.
33:39
Just going to have to kill him. I'm going to give him a little
33:41
slice, just a little, just a little taste of the site on the
33:44
neck. Just a little.
33:45
Just a little. Like a paper cut.
33:47
OK, and then I'm a pull it tighter until he sucks the bird
33:50
sucks the poison. As as blood's trickling down the
33:55
back of his neck or whatever, and he sees the bird in front of
33:58
him being held by by syphilis, he takes his hands.
34:06
Oh no. No, you don't touch the bird.
34:08
He takes his hands reaching for the bird but swings him back to
34:12
grab the sight and pulls it into the back of his neck.
34:17
Roll me damage. OK.
34:19
This thing's sharp too, huh, As you hone it like butter?
34:22
I hone it every noon. Every.
34:25
Jesus. Too damage.
34:28
OK, so you're not? Quite through, OK.
34:31
It cuts into the back of his neck and it lodges itself right
34:35
into the vertebrae. It's stuck and you see that as
34:39
it hits. Everything goes limp from the
34:42
head down. Perfect like that.
34:43
Good. New hood argument.
34:47
Just fucking kill me. I'm not sucking the bird.
34:49
I don't even know these guys. I'm not sucking the bird.
34:51
I can't move anything. But your lips work perfectly
34:54
fine you. Know what just.
34:57
Leave him there. Let's go, Let's go and nag
35:00
syphilis. Is going to hobble over to a
35:01
couple of bodies and start digging through them, but I
35:04
really want to check out their wagon.
35:06
OK, I think it's. A good time to scrounge the
35:08
battlefield I'm. Going to hold Ted Bundy since
35:10
this guy can't move and put him to this guy's lips.
35:15
OK, cool. Knock.
35:16
What are you doing? Initially just standing in like
35:19
completely bewildered by the behavior of these two savages,
35:23
it's. It's why do you think we
35:25
wouldn't get the powder? It keeps us sane.
35:27
We're that's that's why time we wouldn't get the powder.
35:29
Did you actually? He never said he came back
35:32
Powder. Yeah, he he took it back to the
35:35
Arch run. Oh, good, good.
35:37
No suck, I know. You don't paralyzed and failed.
35:43
Just leave him beep. His hips worked.
35:45
Perfectly fine. And I put the bird to his mouth.
35:48
Jesus. Christ.
35:50
I'm. Going to like start gently
35:53
squeezing and milking the bird to try and get the.
35:57
Boys, Oh my God, it's OK. My poor bird.
36:04
Jaco, enroll me AD 4. Yeah, I yeah, the sport birds
36:08
past, that's a three. Three fantastic and then roll me
36:13
AD 10. Why is that?
36:15
Why? That's a one what's?
36:17
A1 get me. You find there's really not much
36:20
in this cart. It looks like just a bunch of
36:22
femurs, like they're using them as clubs.
36:25
If they're really not much in there, they it looks like they
36:28
were trying to come up on something and very.
36:31
Fucking shit here. Fuck.
36:33
Can I roll to see if he sucked up the poison?
36:35
You sure can. I want you to roll a strength
36:40
check. I'm a strong boy.
36:42
OK, Bird. 'S gonna end up inside.
36:45
What does a Dirty Truck Stop 20 give me?
36:48
The bird is in his mouth. OK, now.
36:52
Ted Bug. He's claustrophobic.
36:53
OK, it's OK. So as the bird is, as the bird
36:58
is in the mouth of this paralyzed man, Ted Buddy is
37:00
starting to Peck at the guy's eye, trying to get out of his
37:03
mouth because he doesn't want to be there.
37:05
He knows he's not feeling good. He's got a tummy.
37:07
I know buddy. And this guy is just, oh, he
37:10
can't fucking move. He can't do nothing.
37:12
He's just he, he's just screaming into the cavity or
37:16
into the body of Ted Buddy. This is brutal.
37:19
He's. Inhaling.
37:20
Is he sucking the poison? No, you rolled terribly.
37:23
This is not rolling the way you want it to.
37:25
I rolled good. Yes, he is inadvertently sucking
37:33
whatever residual poison that was on the surface of Ted
37:38
Buddy's Corvin body. Bill, I'm going to have.
37:43
To ask you to. Let go of my my burden.
37:45
Now, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem.
37:47
Yeah, yeah. This fucking killed me already,
37:52
please. Is there a way we can shut him
37:56
up without this? People Oh yeah yeah yeah and I
37:58
just. Pulled the cipher.
37:59
And cleaned through head drops, body drops.
38:04
This has been the most embarrassing I.
38:07
Don't know if it's embarrassing, no one lived to see it.
38:11
You're right, except for we just.
38:14
Add them to the to the corpses that you dumped on the ground.
38:18
We got to load them all back in the cart.
38:20
No, it's more like ballast. We're not transporting the goose
38:23
anymore. We got something else.
38:25
What do you mean we get a silver per body?
38:27
That's the rules. All right, all right.
38:30
We're cleaning up the streets here.
38:32
OK. All right.
38:33
Help me load them back up. We'll just run the ox over.
38:35
A little bit and we'll spend like 10 minutes loading up the
38:38
bodies I drop. It's gonna be a little bit more
38:40
than 10 minutes to load up the bodies, but it's going to be a
38:43
good portion of the afternoon. And the guy that's holding the
38:46
reins is still holding the reins, staring at his partner
38:50
that was holding the Lantern just like it.
38:52
The guys just slumped over with the arrow like dead center
38:55
forehead and he's just staring at him like.
38:58
I mean, let me take care of him for you.
39:00
Just close your eyes. And I grab him and I throw him
39:02
in the back. Sits there and close his eyes.
39:05
Don't worry. You guys clean up bodies, throw
39:07
him back in the thing, and the guy holding the reins kind of
39:10
looks back at you guys and shrugs.
39:14
It's the rains and starts heading up.
39:16
By this time you're probably looking at late afternoon.
39:19
It's still pounding rain the whole fucking time and the
39:23
trails were all muddy, kind of slipping and sliding with all
39:25
that weight on the ass end of that wagon.
39:27
Your ox in the back is still trudging through.
39:30
He's getting slowed down a little bit because it's a little
39:33
hard to get through, but he's being pulled along and
39:36
eventually it gets to be nightfall.
39:38
It starts getting dark out. You need to start hearing all
39:40
the wildlife kind of stirring around it.
39:43
Might be time to set up a camp, yeah.
39:45
Too bad I'm thankfully unprepared for this whole trip.
39:48
I'm going to pull a smaller dead body over the top of me like a
39:52
blanket. Perfect.
39:53
I'm going to find the tarp that they had earlier.
39:56
Yeah, it just covers the dead bodies.
39:59
And as you pull up the tarp, you notice that the guy that was
40:02
holding Lantern with the the arrow sticking out is staring
40:04
straight at you underneath the tarp like eyes wide open.
40:08
Great. Too bad you didn't see that
40:10
coming. And just like pull the tarp.
40:12
He rolls off. You'll crawl under the under the
40:17
cart and then kind of take my crunchy blanket and just kind of
40:20
uncrinkle it and try to make it flat like a board.
40:24
OK, and I'm gonna lay on top of that.
40:26
Perfect. And then the guy right there
40:28
driving the cart is going to feed the animals, hide off onto
40:33
the side somewhere and eat and fall asleep next morning.
40:38
Somebody roll me AD 4 for the misery.
40:43
Oh boy, that's a three. God, All right, so it's D2
40:51
tomorrow. Oh, this is going to be so much
40:53
fun. OK, somebody roll me the Weather
40:58
D12. I'll do weather guy that's 6.
41:01
Throughout the night the the rain seems to just kind of slow
41:05
down and stop and as you guys wake up in the morning, it is
41:08
just dead quiet. There is nothing to be heard, no
41:11
wildlife, no anything. It is just silent.
41:17
Sounds like a graveyard. Am I back home?
41:20
I can hear my pus leaking. Yeah, that's what that sound
41:24
was. How's.
41:24
How's your little buddy? Not good and Ted Buddy's just
41:28
going to hang out like underneath my collar, behind my
41:31
neck where he has the most poop built up.
41:33
Perfect. I'm going to push the body off
41:35
of me and crawl out the back of the way getting stretched my pus
41:39
covered body and look around. All right, everybody, if whoever
41:43
has all their omens used up, we roll those normal morning
41:48
routine. I I I'm out from under the tarp
41:52
and place it back over the pile of bodies.
41:55
You know, for a pile of gold dead bodies, they kind of keep
41:58
you warm. Yeah.
41:59
I'm off pissing into the bushes. Yeah, trick is to keep them
42:02
insulated at night, getting there nice and early, right when
42:05
the sun's about to drop. It's warm.
42:07
I can't. No, no, that's, that's just too
42:10
far. We'll knock, you'll learn,
42:11
you'll get. It you'll notice that the coach
42:13
driver is checking the harness for the the horse and the wagon
42:18
make sure everything is good checks on old syphilis ox and
42:24
make sure everything is good there and then he gets back up
42:26
there looks at you guys, shrugs again.
42:29
Come on. We can't be waiting whips the
42:33
rains and then you guys head off.
42:34
Like I said, it is the roads are still muddy.
42:37
Like I said, it was dumping down all day.
42:40
Little harder to get through, but you can see off the side the
42:43
the city walls of Gal Gambeck off to the West.
42:46
You guys are far enough the way that you don't have to go
42:50
through the city proper. That way you avoid having to pay
42:52
any of the taxes and tariffs to get through.
42:54
And somebody roll me AD 62 as you guys are going, the roads
43:02
are a little harder to get through because of all the mud,
43:04
but you make it past Galgebeck proper, leaving the city walls
43:09
behind and pretty calm, mellow day.
43:13
Nothing happens. What a good day for riding.
43:17
Yep, corpses are starting to stank a little bit.
43:20
The body's jostling, all the friction of Crete and heat.
43:22
It's starting to bring up a bunch of the the scent, the
43:25
funk, the the the rotting from the the pile.
43:29
Syphilis is going to light. A couple of incense burners on
43:32
the sides of the wagon do. You have that in your inventory.
43:34
From the wagon. OK, shaky boy, you are.
43:40
Yeah. There's really nothing that
43:41
happens throughout the day. So you guys, you make it
43:43
throughout the day, light up, light down, and pretty easy,
43:46
pretty easy traveling. Can I do some corpse checks in?
43:49
Our on these our pile. Here.
43:51
Yes, roll me AD 6. You guys don't do that when you
43:57
initially put them on. We get distracted from time to
44:00
time. You got to have something to do
44:02
on lawn checks. Yeah, technically half these
44:06
bodies are going the same place, so that's why I didn't really
44:10
pitch about taking this job too. One with with the piles and
44:15
varying levels of decay and stuff.
44:17
There's really only one that's like kind of hole that has any
44:21
sort of thing. So go ahead and roll AD 66 and
44:24
see what we get. What you got there Field that
44:26
looks like a real winner. 62. You find 62 silver tucked away
44:34
under a fast that roll underneath the armpit on one of
44:38
these guys like you've been hiding this from everybody and
44:41
everything. See that cool knock?
44:42
You don't hide it anywhere. Oh yeah, we're just showing you
44:46
the ropes. Wait till you get to the prison
44:48
pockets. Oh geez, that's.
44:50
The best part? All right, the guy piloting the
44:53
carriage pulls off to the side as the sun goes down and once
44:57
again tends to the the animals, curls up and goes back to sleep,
45:01
not saying a word this whole time.
45:03
Hector knows his place. Yeah, well, ever since he topped
45:06
back to our trophy, he lost his tongue.
45:08
He makes a little bit of sense. Hey, you know, don't want to
45:11
talk anymore. As Syphilis says that, the guy
45:14
turns around, opens his mouth, and sure as shit his tongue has
45:17
been mutilated and cut out from so far back that it's just an
45:22
open maw. See.
45:24
That will knock. Jeez.
45:26
Brutal. Hector used to be a singer.
45:28
The the best songs he could sing, he could still hum a
45:32
jaunty tune. How about you, you know, hummed
45:35
out that humdinger that she used to do all the time back when you
45:38
had a tongue. This is my favorite part.
45:47
Copyright and Night falls. What are you guys doing?
45:54
What? Maybe scavenge for some wood and
45:57
fucking have a little fire. Yeah, we'll share camp stories.
46:01
I want to know more about clone. Dragon Stories?
46:03
Oh, it's a complex back story. Two days on the road, you ain't
46:08
going to share a goddamn thing. Like all I know is you got
46:11
bejeweled eyeballs. Right.
46:13
Well. And something about a ship bus.
46:15
It was weird. Made no.
46:17
Sense you were kidnapped. Yeah, we were.
46:19
I was kidnapped by a cult and I was detained for seven months
46:24
and seven days and they did this to my eyes.
46:28
Oh my. It's very impressive.
46:29
Oh my. Oh.
46:31
Yeah, and you? Can see what I'm doing right now
46:32
and like behind my hand I'm just like.
46:35
No, I can't see through things. I can see in the dark.
46:40
I don't see through I. Can see in the dark too.
46:42
Look at this fire. It's roaring beautiful.
46:45
Syphilis is staring at a tree while talking to you guys I
46:48
can't see. Shit, now yeah, that got fucking
46:50
bad eyes. It's the pus when it rolls down
46:52
your forehead. Well, what about you?
46:56
Where? Where did you pick up this pox
46:58
from Some lady of the night? Or, I mean, it was lady, it was
47:03
that night. But that's about as far as
47:07
Syphilis wants to talk about. Yeah, we're probably safer even
47:12
at that I. Got very early on, you know it
47:14
this business being in the family for millennia or whatever
47:18
that term might be something about adorable right now well.
47:24
What about you, Shiny? Oh, what do you mean?
47:28
What's your deal? I am who I am.
47:31
That's all you need to know. Obviously you're just going to
47:33
like, probe me for information, but I got to be Mr. Mysterious
47:37
now. Well see, here's stink.
47:40
Well, like I I don't feel for damn near 15 years I had never
47:44
seen his face. I've never.
47:46
You never take a helmet off. Never.
47:48
I don't know why it doesn't. Knights never take their helmet
47:51
off. Bullshit.
47:52
If I take this off, I will die. That's what they told me.
47:57
So that's his complex black story.
47:58
I don't know. Just like the Mandalorian just
48:01
can't take it out. I don't know what that term
48:04
means. I don't know what that is.
48:06
Good, good. You see Hector off to the side,
48:08
just mouth. This is the way he knows.
48:12
All right? So night falls and you guys
48:15
crash out and nothing happens. Pretty peaceful, pretty calm,
48:19
pretty chill, but sunrise. New day.
48:24
Somebody flipped me AD. 2GO to that D2 there.
48:27
That's a 2. Oh my Lanta.
48:28
Oh, shit. All right, so tomorrow is a
48:33
guaranteed misery. No, I don't make the rules
48:38
change them, but I OK we don't. Want to We do that all the time.
48:41
We just continue with the D2 until it becomes A until it
48:45
rolls A1. I'm in, all right.
48:48
Somebody rolled me AD 12 for the weather.
48:52
I'll be a weatherman again. You'd be a weatherman.
48:54
That's five. OK, so as you guys wake up, you
48:58
notice that you feel like you should be awake, but it's still
49:01
dark out. Like, real dark.
49:04
Like insanely dark. It shouldn't be this dark.
49:07
It's black as night. Phil, I think, my eyes crossing
49:10
over again. Will you pee?
49:11
I'm open. I can't see nothing.
49:13
Your eyes are open. Oh.
49:15
Fuck. Wide open.
49:17
God damn it, this is not beneficial to me because I have
49:20
gravesite which means I have +2 to all fucking low light and
49:23
darkness. I can see a darkness.
49:25
What do I see? Go ahead and roll me AD 6. 3.
49:30
For as dark as it is, it's so dark that there's really nothing
49:34
moving. Nothing's crawling, nothing's
49:36
going on. You do see Hector in the front,
49:39
holding the reins, kind of waiting.
49:40
He just doesn't know what to do. He can't see.
49:43
So. Will you guide him, Rudolph,
49:45
with your nose so bright? Well, neck with your eyes so
49:48
bright. All right, I, I'll take over
49:50
here. And I go and sit up next to him.
49:53
You ever drive one of these bad boys before?
49:55
No, but I saw an actor do it once.
49:58
The OK that was. Such a good pool.
50:03
Hell yeah And just. Cha.
50:08
And you guys head off, leaving the the gates or the city walls
50:14
of Gal Gumbeck in your in your wake and just travel along the
50:21
the roads are still muddy, it's still slope and it's dark as
50:24
shit. I don't know if syphilis ever
50:27
got his eyes open. No, I'm just anxiously like
50:31
plucking at my pus pockets because I don't like being in
50:34
the dark like. This OK?
50:36
It's another darkness filled boring travel day.
50:40
I guess that would be it guys. Travel for 12 hours.
50:45
In the darkness. In the dark and by this time you
50:49
guys are getting kind of tired you don't know how long you've
50:53
been on the road yet there's no way to tell time but feel like
50:55
you the wagon rides really beat you up a bit with all the mud
50:59
and large rocks and boulders have washed them from the the
51:02
sides of the road into the road. So you guys have been pretty
51:05
well beaten on the road and Hector taps full knock on the
51:09
shoulder and he does this. I mean, he doesn't know if you
51:11
can see or not, but. Yeah, I I see that.
51:14
I think let's see how that went. God it's been so long since I
51:18
saw the amazing turd want perform so.
51:22
What are you doing up there? Wow, I'm.
51:24
Just like pull back. Now right as you pull back, the
51:27
horse pulls back and kicks its hooves in the air and then lands
51:33
and then snorts and shoves its head and stops real turkeys real
51:39
abruptly. I'm I'm still learning here.
51:41
I got I just got my permit. So good.
51:43
Good. Yeah, careful.
51:45
These ain't, these ain't air brakes.
51:46
You don't have to yell at them. So I I think, I think our driver
51:50
wants to stop for the night. How can you tell he didn't say
51:53
nothing? That didn't never mind.
51:55
You didn't see what he never never mind.
51:59
We're just stopping for now. OK, somebody will want to grab
52:03
my hand, guide me down to I got I got pissed.
52:05
I don't want to touch you. Or I never touch him.
52:09
That's the one rule. No touching.
52:11
Oh what the fuck. OK, but.
52:13
But I thought you two were never mind.
52:15
Yeah, we're boys. Yeah.
52:16
And we're. Friends.
52:18
And we're boys and we're boys. We're boyfriends, yeah.
52:21
Get them right. What's?
52:21
Wrong with that. Come on, you're.
52:23
Going to have friends that are boys.
52:24
You've got boyfriends. All my friends have died, so
52:28
thanks for bringing that up. You have a sad existence though,
52:31
that's for sure. Yeah, you ain't.
52:32
You ain't around there, Phil. I can't see shit.
52:35
So I'm just going to, I'm just going to find me a corner in the
52:37
back of the wait and hear him let it RIP.
52:40
You notice Hector awkwardly get off of the wagon as you say all
52:43
your friends are dead, and tries to feel his way to the front of
52:46
the horse so he could feed it and make sure it's OK, and he
52:49
curls up and shakes his head like what he's got himself into.
52:54
I hear slight movements. I don't know what that means.
52:57
Don't. Don't push the wagon forward,
53:00
because otherwise your driver's going to die.
53:02
Oh yeah, we can't do that. No, no.
53:05
Somebody want to ask Hector why we stop?
53:07
I'm going to fucking stumble. My, I'm trying to get to Hector.
53:10
Hector, where you at? Come over here, get over here
53:12
and tell me where we're going. He's going to bed.
53:14
What do? You mean going to bed?
53:16
He's tired. He's been fucking time.
53:18
Is it? He's been driving the whole day.
53:21
OK, OK. I'm just going to lay in the
53:23
mud. I can't see shit.
53:24
I'm going to lay here. I'm tired.
53:27
I'm angry. We'll pick this up tomorrow.
53:28
My pus hurts. Next.
53:36
Fuck it, somebody rolled me AD 2.
53:39
That's a 2, Jake. Oh, is that?
53:41
Fuck yes. All right, so D2 tomorrow
53:45
because I like that idea. Mainly because I want to run my
53:48
adventure. Somebody rolled me AD 12 for the
53:52
weather. 7. You guys are awakened by a
53:58
deluge of water just all of the sudden and as it just hits you
54:03
just dumps, just a cloudburst hits you guys, completely
54:06
drenching you guys which you probably still wet from the last
54:10
couple of days wakes you all up. Yes, you are.
54:13
Is this like a flash flood or just?
54:15
It's just a cloudburst. So yeah, the Hector gets up,
54:19
cleans the mud off of himself and feeds the horse, and the the
54:22
ox gets back up onto the cart and he's waiting for you guys.
54:25
What are y'all doing? No matter how much rain hits
54:28
this blanket, it's always crunchy, so I'm just going to
54:30
fold it up. That's.
54:32
Terrifying, you know I'm. Just going to.
54:34
Fold it up and put it in my satchel and hop on the cart.
54:41
You really got to. Work the wrinkles down.
54:43
You got to hit it a little bit. It's.
54:45
Terrifying. Yeah.
54:47
All right. Syphilis crawls into the back.
54:49
He's going to pack cold, fresh mud into his pus holes.
54:52
He's. Good on the skin.
54:53
Let's go. Somebody rolled me AD 6. 6.
54:59
You guys are fucking looking out as the cloudburst finishes and
55:06
it seems to be just like a strip of rain.
55:10
It looks like it's just going straight ahead, like almost like
55:12
it's leading you to where you need to be.
55:15
You guys start traveling and traveling.
55:17
There's nobody on the roads. It is another insanely quiet
55:21
day. This.
55:22
Is weird for this area. Very weird.
55:25
You'll notice that as you guys are, the the further you're
55:27
going through this day, it's starting, the temperature
55:29
starting to drop, it's starting to get a little colder.
55:31
Not like uncomfortably cold, like like frigid cold, but it's
55:35
starting to get a little colder. And you'll notice that just off
55:39
to the side off of the beaten path, you'll notice a a fairly
55:43
large settlement that's has a huge forest deep backdrop.
55:48
And Hector pulls off of the road and starts heading towards that
55:52
settlement. Oh.
55:54
Good idea, Hector, because I've unconveniently ran out of food.
55:58
I don't want to have to eat. You can't.
56:01
Eat him. You made that promise to his
56:03
mother. No, the reason I can't eat him
56:05
is because he's fucking disease now.
56:07
I mean, I ain't Brazilian, but motherfucker gotta do what
56:09
motherfucker gotta do. You'd fucking eat my eyeballs
56:14
any given day if you needed to. You don't want to eat Teddy.
56:17
You'll notice as you guys are getting closer to town, there's
56:19
little spottings of like small farms, some livestock bays,
56:24
stables, and it's starting to get a little more populated as
56:27
you get into the city proper. It's got like a a log fencing,
56:31
probably about 12 feet tall, and it seems to follow either side
56:36
except for one archway that leads into town, so you can tell
56:40
that's pretty much the only way in and out of town.
56:42
As we're going through town like this, I want to put a sign out
56:45
on the front of the wagon and the two sides sit on top of the
56:49
wagon and start yelling. For your dad, bring them out
56:57
here, right here. Dance them for your dad.
57:00
You'll kind of notice as people see you or hear you screaming
57:03
that they kind of look at you, kind of give you a weird look,
57:05
but it's not the weirdest thing they've seen.
57:07
So they kind of walk off and you know, think you're drunk or
57:10
crazy. But you'll notice in town
57:12
proper, there seems to be a it looks like a Tavern or an inn.
57:17
There's people coming in and out seems to be fairly lively.
57:19
You'll notice a sign above the entrance of it.
57:22
It says the the wet enough and you'll see that there's, you
57:27
know, even it's even though it's starting to get dark, there's a
57:30
lot of kids running back and forth, kind of playing adults,
57:35
you know, walking around a lot of them with large saws and axes
57:38
and stuff. You can tell this is the the
57:40
logging town that you're supposed to be coming to and it
57:44
seems to be fairly lively in this Tavern.
57:47
What do you want to? Do I would wave down one of the
57:49
like kids and running around and just like you guys heard of a a
57:54
person called Prossect. Prossect.
57:59
Oh wait, you mean oh gosh, what the heck is his name?
58:05
Praxit. You looking for him?
58:07
Sure, where is he at? He's probably in the the wet
58:11
knuckle. Sir.
58:12
What's wrong with your bird? He looks infected.
59:00
Hey everybody, Kevin at the end of the episode.
59:01
This episode's a travel episode with Levi playing Phil, the
59:04
Fugitive night by All Eyes no Game, Thomas playing Quill
59:07
Knock, the Profane survivor by Jared Barnes of the called
59:10
Osserary and Jake playing Cephalus the Corp plunder by
59:14
Harkenstone. This episode also featured
59:16
Praxis humble home from Nome Lackey.
59:19
Check out all these cool things and the respective ex slippers.
59:21
More for entries and the description accompanying this
59:23
episode. And while you're at it, check us
59:25
out on our social medias, our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
59:29
Blue Sky and Thread. And wherever you listen to
59:32
podcasts, make sure to rate, review, and share with all of
59:36
your friends so we can get out there to more people.
59:38
While we're at it, if you haven't already, please check
59:41
out our sister podcast, The World Standard.
59:43
And if you like what they're doing over there, think about
59:45
joining their Patreon. It gives you access to their
59:47
Discord, which you can talk to us as well because we're on
59:50
there. And just for $3 a month.
59:52
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
59:54
this time. You, you do know, like there are
1:00:09
certain like, cultures and stuff that getting shit on by bird is
1:00:12
considered good luck, Yeah. That this ain't that.
1:00:14
This ain't my. Culture.
1:00:21
I'm sorry. Say my name.
1:00:26
Look me in the eyes when you tell me syphilis.
1:00:35
Not everyone knows suck is. Not everyone knows how to suck
1:00:39
off, suck off. Suck off.
1:00:42
Suck off his bird. Come on, you see this function?
1:00:46
Wound suck. Alright, hold on, I'm a.
1:00:48
We, we don't. Have all day, just do it.
1:00:50
Just suck the bird. So many disgusting noises I've
1:00:56
got to find. You've got a brain.