Latest / You Minding Your Own Business / Episode 53 - You Minding Your Own Business When It Comes To Family.

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Episode 53 - You Minding Your Own Business When It Comes To Family. · You Minding Your Own Business

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Good morning, Good morning everybody. Welcome to you minding your
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: own business. I'm your own Scott's Austin Maria Alma. Thank
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: you guys for joining me for this episode. I am
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: so so sorry that I am posting this so late.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I just have been packing getting ready for a cruise
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: and I wanted to go ahead and do my podcast
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: for this week and next week because I will not
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: be here. But I appreciate you guys for joining me
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: for this episode. A little bit about me, I'm a
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: certified recovery healing and recovery coaches, all about help people
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: on their paths and their journeys and their purpose to
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: a new em better you through self discovery.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I'm all about helping.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: People to mind their own business when it comes to
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: focusing on yourself, doing what is best for you, not
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: worrying about what anybody says thinks about you, stop letting
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: people tell you who you are, and you basically walking
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: to the beat of your own drum. I help people
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: when it comes to healing, recovery and addiction and finding
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: your way back to yourself after being you're okay? How
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: can I put this? You not being yourself? You being
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: everybody else? And finding your way back to your actual self.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: If you want to do one on one coaching, if
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: you want to be a guest on my podcast, or
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: you want me to promote products and services, you can
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: email me at A s H A dot M A
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: r I A M A zero one at gmail dot com.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: This A s H A dot M A R I
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: A M A zero one at gmail dot com. Now,
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: today's conversation, it's going to be based on some things
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: I've been watching on YouTube about these story real life
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: stories about people and their family issues or you know,
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: spouse issues or friend issues. And I want to talk
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: about this because the family recovery is always the hardest
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: one because your family is how your other relationships are
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: going to be. And I came to this realization through
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: my own healing and recovery when I started dealing with
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: my family issues, then I started having boundaries with everybody
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: else because the thing about it is when it.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Comes to family, family is one.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Of the hardest recovery is to deal with because these
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: people are still your family, their blood related and the
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: relationship you want with them you may not ever have.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: And now it's okay if I don't have my biological family,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: who do I have? But then you also got to
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: look at fast and furious where you have people that
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: are more your family than your actually biological family is
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: going to be. So the topic of the day of
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: you mind and your own business, we're going to talk
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: about the fact that when your family does negative things
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: to you and you have to go and get justice
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: for it, or you have to make them pay for
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: what they've done, how it may not end for a
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: when for either party. There was one that I saw
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: by the girl that started a business and she let
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: her family be involved and they ended up stealing from
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: her four hundred and something thousand dollars. Right at first,
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: she thought it was just two hundred some thousand. No,
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: when she went to confront her parents about it, they
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: was like, well, if you would have took care of
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: us and you would have did this, then we wouldn't
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: have had to steal from you. But she was giving
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: them money, loaning them money whenever they needed, but yet
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: you still stole from her then tried to sell her company. Now,
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: mind you, in the end because of the reputation of
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: it all, because of everything that people were saying as
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: far as her you know that saying that snitchy thing
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: about snitching leads to stitches.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: You know, I can't remember that same. But they don't
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: like in.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: The black community when we go and we call the police.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: They want us to just deal with it as far
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: as not saying nothing. And I'm sorry, I'm not the
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: type of person. You do something to me, you going
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: to jail. It's just point blame, period because when I
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: got essayed, I didn't say anything, and the girl after
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: me that got essayed ended up with HIV. And I
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: had to live with that because if I would have
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: told what happened in my situation, he'd got locked up.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: And the only reason I didn't was because of where
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: we was at and I didn't think nobody would believe me.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: But if I would have said something, then he would
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: have ended up in prison. And I wish to God
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: that I had not, only that his homeboys in them
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: felt guilty about what happened to me, and they told
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: they were the ones that told me about what happened.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: So thank god I didn't get HIV. Thank god for that,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: But still just the fact that another female did because
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: I did not call the police on this man, that
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: right there, I have to live with the rest of
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: my life, and it's one of my biggest regrets that
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: I wish I would have never not done. So that
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: is why now I will never in my life ever
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: not say nothing when somebody hurt me in some type
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: of way. I just not gonna do that at this point,
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: especially after my healing and recovery and all the things
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: I did not say nothing about that I have to
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: live with. So it's just as bad when you don't
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: say nothing then when you do so any immortal words
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: of this saying excuse me lord, damned if you do,
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: damned if you don't, because you're not gonna win either way.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: Even if you report your family for stealing, regardless of
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: whether or not you basically go to court to get
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: your money back, you may not even see your money.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: So that's the crazy part about it.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you cannot give people too much access to you.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you got to understand it is not your job
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: to take care of people that basically essentially never cared
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: about you in the first place.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: So let's really get into it.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: A lot of the times parents raise their children to
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: be independent, why because they don't spoil them, they don't
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: do for them like they do the other sibling or siblings.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: They don't take care of that one child or multiple
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: children the way they do their step kids. So these
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: kids have to be independent. But see, this is what
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: always happens. When that invisible child becomes independent, when that
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: visible child graduates college, gets a good job, all of
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: a sudden they're calling you.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: To help them with some.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Now you would think that you would be like, no, oh,
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: because after.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Everything you haven't done for me, why would I help you?
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: But you're not like that because you still want the
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: acceptance of your parents. You still want your parents to
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: love you, you still want your siblings to love you,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: So you decide to help them out. The next thing
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: you know, you find out they are trashing you. They're
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: lying about what they need money folk then you get
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: letters saying the house is for clothes, and you're like,
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: wait a minute, I just paid off the house.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Where is the money going.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: Or you find out they're selling the house, or you
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: find out they're giving the house that you paid for
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: that they're supposed to be living in to your sibling.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: So you did all of this just for them to
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: sell it, all of this just for them to take over.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: You even have some siblings that are jealous of your
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: life and they now want to move into your house,
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: want to take over your house. So let's tell you
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: somebody that did contracting right, and you left town to
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: go work overseas, or you're a traveling nurse and you
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: come home and your sibling is in your.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: House, moved in for months.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Now you had a situation where you didn't even know
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: this person was squatting in your house, and now you
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: gotta go through getting an eviction to get them.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Out your house.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: So now the house that you bought now is either
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: you still want it or you don't. Some people don't
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: even want the house at that point and they'll end
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: up selling it and getting another house. But the fact
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: that you made this house a home and somebody comes
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: in and per and and just disrespects the home that
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: you created. Or you get a beach house and the
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: next thing you know, you got people coming and they're
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: not paying to be in your your beach house, but
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: coming every weekend and tearing up your yo your beach house.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Then you change the locks, then they try to break in,
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: then you got to call the police. It's just like
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: the family members that wants you to pay for your
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: sister's wedding. But then tell you can't come to the winding.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: You paid for everything, but you can't even come to
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: the wind. You can't even sit with the family. Nah,
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: we ain't doing that. So you know, I understand this
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: better than a lot of people do. And the reason
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: this topic is so important to me was because of
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: a conversation I had with my aunt about something that happened.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: And I said to her, you know, as far as
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I am concerned, I don't really you know, because we're
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: talking about going to the beach or whatever.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: And I said no, because I know that.
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  Speaker 3: You know, my family don't have money like that, and
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna be the one paying for it, and
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: nobody pay me back and they never do.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: And I'm the one that always.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Goes and gets Christmas gifts, I'm the one that always
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: give birthday gifts, but yet I get nothing for my
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: birthday at all except for my dad. My dad is
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: the only one that will probably send me something for
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: my birthday. Other than that, I don't get nothing for
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: my birthday at all. You're like, I didn't really. My
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: aunt bought meself for Christmas. I bought her something. I
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: think my grandmother got me something and I got her something,
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: but everybody else didn't give me nothing.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: But yet I'm buying.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: I'm buying gifts for other people that didn't give me nothing,
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: And so that's the way I look at it. So
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: that's because I feel like this, if I don't get
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: what I give, I'm no longer giving personally. Now professionally,
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I don't mind giving it for charities or me creating
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: something and helping people, you know, through that whatever.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I don't have problem with that.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: But the one thing I'm not gonna do personally is
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: when I've become successful, it's my job to make sure
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: my family is taken care of.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing it. I'm refused to. Now.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: I don't mind paying off my parents, like their houses
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: on my I'm paying that off. But if they gonna sell,
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: it ain't gonna be no point.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: If I pay out that house.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: If anything happened to them, them houses are going to
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: me because I'm the one that paid it off.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: So you have to make.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Sure before you do anything when they come to give
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: somebody money, that you make them sign something saying they're
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: gonna pay you back your money. You just can't sit
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: there and say that I'm gonna sit up there and
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: give somebody some money and then they're not gonna pay
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: you back your money, because not a nine point nine
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: percent of the time, they're not gonna pay you back
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: your money. They're not. Not everybody's like that, but the
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: vast majority. You only give money to people that you
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: know for a fact gonna pay you back your money.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: They not gonna pay you back your money, don't don't
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: give it to them. If you can't afford to give
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: it to them, don't give it to him. Point blame, period,
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Just don't because when you down and out, they not
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: gonna be there for you, and they ain't. So in
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: the end, the only thing you can do right now
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: is just pray to God that you're gonna get through it.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: And that's pretty much about it.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: But the fact that I've been hearing so many stories
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: about you know, adults that basically essentially their families have
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: taken advantage of them.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: It's crazy.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: You even have siblings that mess around with their other
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: siblings boyfriends or husbands or you know what I'm saying,
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: wives or girlfriends. So the crazy part about it is
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: when you go to your parents about your siblings behavior.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: The first thing they say is just let it go,
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: or it's always your sister, your brother's so sensitive. You know,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: they're still trying to figure it out. How is it
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: that I was forced to figure it out and yet
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: this one don't have to be forced to do anything.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: You paying rent and your other sibling is living for free.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: See stuff like this, It does matter. So the sad
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: part about it all is when you're sitting up here
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: and you're.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: You know, you didn't ask to come into this world.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: You didn't.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: That's one thing I tell people. You didn't ask to
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: come into this world. You didn't ask to be here.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: Your parents lay down and they created you. But what's
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: even worse is when your parents separate the way you're
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: being treated because now your daddy got a new girlfriend,
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: your mama got a new boyfriend, and now they had
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: a whole new family, and now they're at like you
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: don't exist.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: You have some people, sorry y'all, moving around.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: You have some people that basically essentially they stepdaddy don't
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: even want them at all.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: And yet still want their money.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: So again, it's always gonna be situations. I've seen stories
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: where people are being kicked out of they parents home
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: because the stepdaddy don't want them down no more.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: So you're gonna pick a man over your own child.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: So the reason why a lot of people are independent
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: not because they really wanted to be. They really didn't
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: have too much of a choice. And now you're asking
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: somebody to give up their independence for you, because when
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: you're dealing with, like, for example, a man or a woman,
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: especially men in particular, they want you to give up
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: your independence. But I'm sorry, I'm not giving up my
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: safety net. You got people that were homeless at fourteen,
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: You got kids that were forced to go into the military,
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: that were forced to go to military school, that were
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: forced to be put up for adoption, and you're asking
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: them to give up their independence. You asking them to
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: give up everything they worked hard for, knowing that they
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: used to be homeless, knowing that they used to be,
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: you know, had to do everything on their own. So
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: for you to ask somebody that had to do everything
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: on their own, that never had anybody do anything for them,
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: that had to pay for everything because their parents wouldn't
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: pay for it, and you're asking them to not be independent.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: You're asking them to give up the one thing that
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: is they safety that their independence. You are out of
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: your mind if you think that's gonna happen, but most
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: of us do because we all we want is somebody
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: to take care of us. All we want is some
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: type of relief, and we can't get that because even
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: with other people, it's gonna be the same as your parents.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: Because what people don't understand is the platonic side of
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: the relationship is across the board. It doesn't matter who
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: it is, whether it's romantic, whether it's friends, whether it's family,
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: or whether it's even a job.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: So let me give you example about the job issue.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: You go for an interview, you do very well in
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: an interview, you still don't get the job. You have
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: all these qualifications, you don't get the job. So that
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: damned if you do, damned if you don't, is as
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: real as it comes. Because no matter what you do,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: somebody is gonna screw you in some type of way,
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: whether it be they don't want to pay you, whether
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: you don't have the experience, or whether you don't have
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: the education, or whether you have too much experience. But
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: either way it goes somehow, someway, somebody gonna screw you.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: It's just like when you apply for a job and
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: you got ten years of experience and they only gonna
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: pay you eighteen dollars an hour.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: But yet, and.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: Still you have ten years of experience, it is no
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: longer about your experience. It's not because that was the case.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: You will be getting paid based on your experience. But no,
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: now they're saying education is not important. Well, the only
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: reason they're saying the education is not important because the
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: more education you got, the more experience you.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Got, the more they have to pay you.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: And they do not want to do that, even though
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: these people make billions of dollars million is multimillion dollars,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: but yet don't want to pay you. Happens all of
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: the time. I'm sorry, y'all, I'm congested my nose, I have,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: I guess some stuff going on my nose. I gotta
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: go to an emt by my nose, my throat and
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: my ears because I have an infection. But none of
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: this shocks me though it don't. So when it comes
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: down to minding your own business, that's exactly what that means.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: You minding your own business because like I said, you
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: gotta focus on you first, and if you choose to
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: help people make sure that you're not gonna lose everything
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: because of it. Because that situation with that girl, the
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: fact that she still ended up losing her business even
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: though her parents stole from her, she still lost everything
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: because of the reputation of it all, which shouldn't even
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: have happened.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: But see, here's the thing. For some reason, you.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: Ain't supposed to put your family in prison for stealing
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: from you. You ain't supposed to put your family in
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: prison for the fact that somebody messed with your child
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: and did something to your child. As far as essaying,
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: you're not supposed to put somebody in jail that basically
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: put their hands on you.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: They just don't have to be family.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: But yet if your daughter messes with an eighteen year
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: old boy and he's fourteen, now you want to put
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: him in jail.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: So it's crazy how.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: People get upset because people want justice for what was
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: done to them. And like I said, sometimes it's not
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: even about getting the money. And now before I had
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: to stopped for a minute because I had to think
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: about something before I.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Finished that statement.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: The crazy part about going to court is even though
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: these people may go to jail, you may not ever
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: see that money. You may not ever see that money
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: because it's just like child support. There are women right
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: now that still haven't gotten their child support because they
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: are not gonna force child support from anybody unless they
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: got money.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: If they got money, they're gonna get.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Their child support, but they're not gonna pay as much
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: you think they're gonna pay.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: You got women out here that For.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: Example, Future's eighth baby mama, she wanted fifty two thousand
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: dollars a month. She only got thirty nine hundred that's all.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: She got thirty nine hundred dollars.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: And then with the court and they lessen it because
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: now he got more kids. Since why you gotta make
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: better choices when it comes to who you bring into
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: your world and who you got kids with, and how
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: you go about dealing with your family, Because like I said,
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: a lot of people ain't nothing but a bunch of leeches, vampires, suckubists,
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: Jezebels and Harlet's and they also are wolves and she's
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: clothing boy and girl, the cry woods, sirens, vampires and snakes,
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: that is what they are. So even though yes, I
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: completely understand the importance of family, but that is more
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: of a society thing, because if people really based family
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: on based on God's version of it, it will be
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: nowhere near like it is. If society was really the
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: way that God wanted to be, a lot of things
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: wouldn't be what they are right now. I tell people
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: all the time, we ain't nothing but in the Moses,
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: as far as the Egyptians versus the Israelites phase of
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: our lives. And then let's not even forget about Sodomon Gamour,
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: and we all know what happened in that situation. So
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: in the end, like I said, you know, stuff don't
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: shock me no more. It's so many things in a
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: Bible that are incorporated in our society that are going
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: on right now that ain't right.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: It ain't even funny.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: That's why I said, society today is a walking contradiction,
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: and it always will be a walking contradiction because it is.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: It's like people.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: People are allowed to do stuff to you and it's
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: okay for them to do it, and you ain't got
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: the right to react to it, and even when you react.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: To it, it's gonna be wrong.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: So there's no point of really reacting to it. But
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: if you don't react to it, they gonna continue to
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: do it, and eventually you re you reach your wits
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: end and you be like, you know what, No, I'm
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: not gonna continue letting this person do this to me.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: After a while, you get tired.
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: There was one that I saw that was about a
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: wedding and the girl had already planned her wedding and everything.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: Her situicide to have a wedding at the same day,
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: and so instead of her getting upset, she just didn't
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: say nothing. She ended up doing something where she ended
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: up getting all the people that her sister wanted to
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: come to the wedding ended up going to her wedding,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: and so it backfired and so everybody ended up going
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: to the other wedding. And there was another one where
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: that happened on the same day as well, and what
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: ended up happening was the woman that everybody thought wasn't
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: going to her wedding come to find out her husband's
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: family had money and he never told her, so she
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: found out that his parents actually got money.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: So then when they got married and all the family.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Members ended up going over there because of where they
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: were sitting, they ended up going to her wedding, and
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: when they found out where she was getting her reception
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: at because she ended up going to justice the peace
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: and then having a very beautiful reception. Everybody got pissed
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: off because her wedding was better than her sister's wedding,
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: and it ended up working out and she ended up
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: getting a free venue and her parents and his parents
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: ended up paying for the reception.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: It was beautiful.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: So, like I said, you know, even though you may
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: be the invisible child, you may be the one that
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: everybody don't look at right now, eventually you gonna shine.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: And when you do, do not forget what these people did.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: Don't at like they didn't do anything to you. Don't
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: think that now that you've made it, that that's your revenge. No,
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: that's not your revenge, because that's when they really gonna
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: start coming around to my family helps family, all this
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: other nonsense. And like I said, if they didn't help
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: you pay your way through school, if they didn't help
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: you when it came to you buying stuff and you
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: getting hand me downs and all this other stuff, and
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: they weren't there, They never been there, and they never
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: will be there. So why wouldn't you make it? Would
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: you want them in your life now? And then they
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: walk in your house talking about you don't deserve this,
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: and you don't deserve that, and you need to give
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: it to your sibling.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Have you lost your mind?
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: If my sibling was really worth having all of this,
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: then she would have did the work or he would
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: have did the work to make it happen. Why are
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: you asking me to give up my house? Why are
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: you asking me to let them move in? Why are
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: you asking me the baby sit somebody kids? And they
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: not mine? Absolutely not. I didn't lay down and have
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: them kids. I'm not letting. And I said the fact
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: that if I would have had a baby, y'all would
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: have had a fit.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: If I'd have did all this, y'all would have had
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: a fit.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: And yet you want me to watch somebody else's kids
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: because you think my job is not as important my
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: thing was it only it's only once for me. That's
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: why I don't even bring up my podcasting or anything
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: when it comes to what I'm doing to my family,
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: because they don't never look at it that way. All
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: I know is when it pop off and when it
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: becomes successful. All I'm gonna say is, and I know
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna get why you didn't tell me, tell you what?
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Why would I tell you when y'all don't support me
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: as it is?
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: So sometimes there is no point, especially with a golden child,
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: of you, saying anything about your complidence because all it
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: is they either gonna say you trying to make that
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: person jealous or you try to make.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: Them look bad, make who look bad?
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: What is my accomplishments gotta do with her looking at
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: or him looking at?
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Ain't got nothing to do with it. See that's what
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I'm saying. I don't be having time for this because
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: I don't got the time, and I ain't got a
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: patience for none of it, to be honest. So, like
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: I said, the fact that you got people out here
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: that make it seem like the child that is irresponsible,
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: the one that always needs the most attention, them the
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: ones they gonna go in debt for them, the ones
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: they're gonna be willing to mortgage their house and do
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: and basically give them a start pay for their education,
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: but won't pay for yours. And you're the one that's
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: actually gonna be the one that's gonna end up being successful.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: But see, that's what's gonna make you successful because the
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: fact that you didn't get it based on being spoiled
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: in title. So the one that actually is not spoiled
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: in title, the one that actually is the invisible child,
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: is in the end gonna be the one that's gonna
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: be making money that's going to be permanent, not just temporarily.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: So you have a lot of people that do content creating,
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: and you know the parents are spending money and helping
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: them to create this lifestyle. But then when you end
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: up in debt, now you're coming to me asking me
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: for money. Nope, I'm not giving you nothing because didn't
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: nobody tell you to spend all your money on something
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: that was not guaranteed. Didn't nobody tell you to let
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: my sister or brother's a husband or wife convince you
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: to go into crypto.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: They ain't got nothing to do with me. What does
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: that happen do with me? Nothing?
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: So, the one thing about healing and recovery, there are
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: non negotiables. There are just non negotiables because until you
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: heal to a place to where you can maintain that healing,
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: then no matter what you go through, you can maintain
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: your healing, no matter how many step backs setbacks you
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: may get.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Is not to the point where it's going to destroy you.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Then I don't.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: Recommend bringing your family back into your life. Sometimes you
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: got to let people go and just say, you know what,
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: I can't do this, no, mom, you know what, this
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: is not something that I even want to remotely want
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: to be a part of. And I know it's hard
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: walking away from family, it is, But if you can
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: walk away from family, then you can walk away from
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: everybody else, because in the end, if these people that
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: cared about you, then they would love you no matter what,
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: and it would never hurt you over and over and
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: over again. And even though you may think that what
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: I'm saying may be some small issues, those things turn
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: into bigger issues because then the friends start doing it.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: Then your romantic relationships end up being the same way.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: And then one day you realize you've been looking for
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: a parent the whole n time time, this whole entire time.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: You've been looking for a parent, this whole entire time.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: You've been looking for a mommy and daddy, and not
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: a husband or wife, not a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: But you've been looking for a parent.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: You want somebody to accept you, love you like you,
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: appreciate value, all of that stuff so bad to the
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: point that you'll do anything for it. And the problem
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: is the people that's benefiting for it are the people
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: you being captain saber holes, bill bears, build dolls, seat fillers,
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: and people.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Pleaser fork and it ain't worth it and it's not.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: So this podcast is all about teaching people how to
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: stop being captain saber home, build bears, bill dolls, seat fillers,
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: and people wheezers. At the end of the day, if
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: your parents don't accept you, stop asking them to. If
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: your parents put you through any type of abuse, you
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: don't never look back at that point. If your parents
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: kick you out, I don't care if they call you
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: and say that they're sorry. The answer is, I don't
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: want nothing to do with you. I don't want you
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: in my life. You cause me pain. I will forgive you,
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: but I can never be nowhere near around you. At
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: this point, I can bring you in my life after
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: all the pain and suffering that you've.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Done to me.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: You don't have to deal with people after they've done
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: what they've done, because now you're going through what's called
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: Stockholm syndrome. Because now you're you're basically saying that you
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: basically are now a part.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: How can I put it? I'm trying to think of
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: the word you now can relate to you.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: Your predator or the person that wronged you, or the
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: person that hurts you, and no, that is enough, Absolutely
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: nuts should you do that, because when you start relating
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: to that predator or the president wronged you, or the
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: person that did what they did to you, now you're
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: gonna think it's your fault, something that you did.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: That's programmed behavior. So when you.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: Become healed of all of this, you ain't got to
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: accept nothing. You don't have to accept negative treatment. You
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: don't have to accept where anybody says they can put
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: your whole into our world out there, you'd be like,
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: I don't care. It don't even matter to me at
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: this point because it don't. Because at the end of
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: the day, like I said, in these next five minutes,
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: I will say this, you don't have to accept anything
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: if you had to do it by yourself and you
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: built it by yourself, meaning that Yet what I mean
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: by that is without family, without your significant other, without
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: your friends, then they have nothing to do with what
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: you got going on. You don't give up your accomplishments
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: you don't give up your house.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: You don't give up nothing. Because here's the thing.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: If you paid off a house, why would you go
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: get another house and sell that one when you just
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: paid off that house. When you can buy the land
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: and build on it and tear it down and build
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: something else, you going to going to keep buying houses
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: and keep getting more and more in net. And the
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: way the housing market is now, people are not even
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: buying houses.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: No more people are renting.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: So like I said, you know, in the end, people
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: are staying in apartments because you know the fact of
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: the matter that yeah, everybody does want a house, but
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: nobody want to pay them taxes in the house. Not
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: only that, people don't want to have to deal with
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: hia's and all these other things and stuff like that. So,
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: like I said, whatever you got that you paid off,
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: you keep unless it's something that you have to get
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: rid of. So for example, for a car, I understand
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: why people keep getting cars because once that car break down,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: it's too much money to fix, so you might just
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: get a new one.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: So I understand that part of it.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: But when they come to you can always expand on
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: a house if you buy the land that it sits on.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: I always say by the land and then built, because
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: then you can build whatever you want to. But if
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: I built a house from the ground up, I'm not
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: selling my house.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: It's not happening.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: I would just buy something smaller in other places that
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: I want to go visit, like for example, my primary
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: house may be in one area, and then I might
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: have an apartment somewhere else, an apartment overseas and some
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: of the places that you know, and I probably would
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: rent it out far as you know, somebody coming in
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: and staying there, like an Airbnb. But I would not
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: sell my house or my apartments overseas. So if I
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: know there are places that I know I would love
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: to visit, like for example, Bali, Vietnam for example, or Thailand,
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: or you know, going to uh staying in like Germany
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: or somewhere. And I said, okay, you know I want
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: to have a house in New York. I want to
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: have a house here. Then yeah, you can do that
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: because you have houses and you can go anywhere that
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: you want to go. But for me, it would be three.
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: One would be one in Greece because I would love
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: to live in Greece. Secondly, I would love to live
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: in Bali. That's one of the places I would love
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: to live. And then the third one would probably be Vietnam.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: I mean to Thailand.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: Either Thailand I would love to stay, or I wouldn't
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: mind going to like Ghana somewhere because Ghana is on
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: the rise right now, so or.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: No, Hawaii is a little bit more expensive.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: But you know, I would love to stay in probably
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: like someplace in Spain or Italy or somewhere, or either London.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't mind staying in London. That would be interesting.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: So again, like I said, you know, focus on you
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: for a change. It is not your job to be
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: Captain saber Hole and saving everybody. It is not your job,
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: so stop making it your job. At the end of
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: the day, put you first. And there are other ways
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: you can help people without destroying yourself and without helping
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: a bunch of people that will now pay you back
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: your money, never appreciate their value, that don't like you,
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: that will never choose you. It ain't worth it at all.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: It ain't.
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: And my stomach is growling because I'm hungry. But like
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: I said, you know, I'm going on a cruise this week,
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: so I'm doing all my podcasts for this week and
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: next week because I will.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Be gone, so I got one more than I gotta do.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: But just remember look, put yourself first, make yourself a priority,
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: and don't give up your independence because somebody said theyre
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: gonna take care of you. Nope, keep your safety net.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Do not give up your safety net. And the next
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: episode we're gonna talk about the safety net that I'm
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: great doing. A second so I want to thank y'all
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: for joining me for this episode. I'm your host, god
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: is Asha Mariama. Until next time, I will talk to
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: you later.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: Bye.