Latest / The You Project / #2131 The Weird Little Girl - Chezzi Denyer

Transcript

#2131 The Weird Little Girl - Chezzi Denyer · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Harps. I just want to let you
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: know that I just finished this podcast with Chezi Dana
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: just then. You've already I know you haven't. You haven't
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: heard it. Because this is going at the front. I
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: should probably think about things before I speak. There's a
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: lesson for me, So I want to tell you that
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: the internet, Chezy's Internet, I think it was. Doesn't matter,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: but the Internet wasn't amazing, so we missed a few
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: words here and there. I'm giving you this fore knowledge
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: up front so you don't get too frustrated. I also
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: want to tell you, hand on heart, this was one
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: of the most interesting, fascinating conversations I've ever had, ever
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: forget on a podcast, just ever, and honestly weird, beautiful, interesting,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: possibly even bit scary at times, not really, but just
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: like fucking so interesting. I loved it. And I mean
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: we went well over an hour. I could have done
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: two or three hours. Anyway, enjoy it, Chazy, Danya and me.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Thanks for dropping in, okt A, tellhim it's bloody Harps.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Who else would it be to you? Project Imagine if
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: one day you tune in and there's some other bloke
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: and we're still what if what if he's better than me?
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: It'd be fucking terrifying myself. Sim couldn't, couldn't cope. That's
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: why I'm never going to have a sick day because
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I'm too insecure. And I'm definitely not getting Grant Danya
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: or zy Dana to host because that would be the
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: last time I ever appear on the show, which would
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: be traumatic. Speaking of Chez Danya, she's here, she's joining me.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: How are you hi?
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I'm good. I don't know why I just went all
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: high pitch. I just got really parted.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: You look good? Are you on some kind of fucking
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: miracle drug? Because you look five years younger than when
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I spoke to you two years ago?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Really, do you know what I think? I have to
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: say it's because I shed some some weight, not literal weight,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: but I feel fool. Does that mean sense?
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah? What tell me about that? So emotional and
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: mental weight I'm guessing you're talking about.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I feel like I could start sitting down
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: the street. I just don't feel weighed down by a
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: big secret that I you know, I've been hanging on to.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I won't say how old I am, but let's just say.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Forever a long time plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well we're
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: going to dive into that. So congrats on the book.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So CHESI wrote a book. It's called The Weird Little
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Girl Who Talked to Ghosts. I have a signed copy
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: in my hand that I'm putting it in my hand.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I have a signed copy in my hand, The Weird
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Little Girl Who talked to Ghosts? More than just a mema,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Shasi Dania, this is your first book? Is this your
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: first book?
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: One to ten? How terrifying was or how difficult was
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: the process?
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: It was awful. It was so hard for somebody who
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: is very hyperactive ADHD just down on consecutive days night,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: wake up really early in the morning, like I did
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: this for years. It was I actually can't believe that
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: I finished it. M so hard.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I feel like that. I feel like that with my PhD.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Not about me, but it's like I'm not suited to
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: doing this. Why am I doing this? But you did it.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Your channeled your energy, you found some focus. I think
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: one of the things about learning or developing new skills
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: or tackling tasks that you're not maybe naturally suited to do,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: like sit there for eight hours and just be creative
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: and amazing because you've got the attention span of a
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: fucking four year old in a Lolli shop, is you
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: you kind of figure out your own protocol that works, right? Yeah?
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the dead of night worked for me, right. I
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: had to put my air pods in and playteen hurts music.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Hilary really tried forty hurts, which is supposed to be
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: the frequency to help people be their academic best, and
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: I had to really like, I had to slow it down.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: So fourteen hurts work me.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, fourteenth hurts. That's interesting. I she's just talking about
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: this kind of music that everyone If you don't know
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: what she's talking about, I use I use a similar
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: but different frequency for sleep. I can't remember one is,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's called green. There's
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: white noise, green noise, brown noise. I use one, which
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: is in fact, if you go into whatever it is,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: the music e platform, Apple or whatever, and you just
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: search green noise or white noise, you'll you'll hear it
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: and you'll figure out what. And I've got one that
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: it puts me to sleep almost straight away. I used
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: to try music, really nice music, but the problem is
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: there's stops and starts, and oh, now there's a bit
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: of guitar, and now that even if it's just all
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: classical or it's all music, there's no lyrics. It stop
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: and start gets my attention, whereas I want something not
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: to get my attention. So there's just this. It almost
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: sounds like surf rolling into the beach, but constantly, and
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I'm out. That's like forget. I don't know. I've never
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: taken a sleep pill in my life, but I don't
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: need it. And so your performance window is kind of
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: all your optimal cognitive kind of time is late at night.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, late at night, very early in the morning. For
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: a number of reasons, I've got three thousand kids, it
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: feels like most of the time, so during the day,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: i'm you know, mum, Judy's I get distracted if I
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: look out the window and a butterfly or a birth passed,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: or if somebody texts me tries to call me, like
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I actually have to completely tune out the world. So
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: pitch black at night, no distractions. That's where I kind
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: of my best work.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: And how long at a time, because I feel like
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: this develops too. When I first started studying hard, literally
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not even been funny reading academic papers and stuff.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Five six minutes, that was it. That was my max.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, oh, but I'm a
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: relatively intelligent grown up who's written books and done Telly
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: and radio and all these things, and oh and no,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh fuck, I find it. It's so hard
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: to read something that is not particularly interesting. And honestly
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: a lot of academic papers are not particularly interesting and
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: they're very laborious. What was your like? What was your
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: kind of how long could you stay focused?
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: That's so interesting, firstly because I feel like I don't
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: feel like such a loser because when I first started
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: to sit down to so I look, I've tried to
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: write things, you know, over the years, and I've never
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: been able to sustain focus. It just hasn't felt natural.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: But this book came in a very different way. So,
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: So I studied mediumship. I did my medium certification with
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: a school in Canada.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: And explain explain what that means.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: So that is so the certification is just like a
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: diploma certificate to say that I'm a qualified medium, but
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: mediumship it is tuning into spirits and communicating with people.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Also have passed over spirit guides essentially what you can't see.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: So I started early in the morning with the school
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: overseas for eight months and loved it of it. But
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: during the examination period it's really really grueling, especially for
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: some ADHD and I have to really slow myself down
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: to tune in. And during the examination period, I I
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: never turned off connection, so to speak. So I did
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: my exams. I was so happy because I got high
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: distinction I've never done by and I was just so
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: happy that I was able to bring through all of
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: this evidential proof that I was connecting with somebody's loved
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: one outside that I kind of celebrated and didn't turn
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: it off. And over the next couple of days I
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: had all of it started out being spirits of little kids.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: They would pop up, I saw them, I heard them.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: You know. I was just inundated by all of these
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: spirits asking me to kick them with their loved ones
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: and to give their loved ones messages. So I had
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: some advice, thinking I was going crazy because oh my god,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I'm losing my mind here and yeah, and my bed
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: start writing them down. So I started writing, and each
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: time I wrote them, I sent them on to my manager,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: and she was a big skeptic. Within four days I
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: had four hundred. Within within a couple of weeks, I
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: had thousands. And she found one of the messages that
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: was for her and that unlocked something in her. And
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: so that was the start of the book. And I thought,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: you know what, I've got hundreds of thousands of messages
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: here to get these to the people that they need to,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: you know, to tell. And so my first thought was,
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I'll just put them in a book, and I'm all
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: in a book, and then they'll land wherever they're supposed
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: to land. And then I thought, well, hang on a second,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: that's going to look pretty fucking crazy, isn't it. Chezy
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: from TV, who hasn't told anybody that she's studying mediumship,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden comes out with a book saying,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: you know, hey, I've been talking to not the alcoholic
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: kind and his messages for you. So that's kind of.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Where the Wow book started and do you yeah? And
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: it's funny because when you're kind of known for one
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: thing and then all of a sudden you go also,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: everyone also, world, by the way, there's this which could
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: be more different. I mean it couldn't be further removed
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: from normal, for want of a better term, regular as
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: we know you you, and then you're like, by the way,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: there's this other thing. It's kind of hard to explain.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: You probably think I'm full of shit. I know it
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: sounds like woo woo. I get it. I know it
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: doesn't make sense in inverted commas. I know, you know,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: And that's like so much spiritual stuff, if not all
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: of it. That's the point is that it's not logical,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: it's not a brain thing, but it's and we try
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: and like because we all look at the world through
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: our windows, so we have like what we know, Well,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: there's why, no, this this is well, that's bullshit. That's impossible,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: and that becomes that story becomes our version of reality,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: and we think our version of what's possible is actually
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: what's possible. No, that's just your story about possibility. That's
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: your story about truth, that's your story about what is
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: and what isn't. And you know, like I grew up
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: in a certain religious paradigm, right, so religious schools, religious parents,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: religious friends, and so I knew early on that how
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: everything works through this window of religion, through this filter
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: of religion, so nobody could teach me anything because I
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: knew because I grew up in the truth. I grew
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: up in the One True Church, and you didn't, so
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: fucking shush like then you go then one day, Yeah,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: but what if you're wrong? Harps? You know, what if
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: you've mean, what if this is bullshit? And what if
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: that's or what if some of it's bullshit and some
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: of it's true, or what if that thing that you
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: think is basically just some weird chit called Chezi who
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: bloody talks to God? What if that's like you know,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: there's that because you've got to battle against what people
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: think is and everyone, especially with things like ghosts, right,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: spirits whatever. I would think people, because where I grew up,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't even talk to you because that's it's demonic,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: it's evil, it's the occult, it's all this. Absolutely, my
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: pastor would be he would have he wouldn't crack the
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: shits because you're not like that. He would have like
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I would not be. I would have been severely chastised
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: for having a conversation with you. I would have been
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: told to stay away from you. I'm like, oh, that's
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: you know, and you.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Know, and you know on that. So so I had
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: to go back through, you know, using my journalist brain.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: I was like, well, I am asking people to trust me,
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: what I don't even trust me. I don't even trust
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: what this is?
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: What is this?
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: So I went back through my life story because I
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: wanted to add credibility to these messages and what I
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: remembered discovered, Like I went through old diaries, my year one,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: year two, year three, written books. Because I went to
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: a Catholic school, I had to piece together things that
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I had blocked out and that was really confronting and
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: very sad. There was a lot of tears because I
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: felt really sorry for myself. I mean I even had
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: forgotten sort of, but I'd forgotten that I was punished
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: pretty badly by the nuns at my school because I
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: was this annoying kid who kept asking when you come
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: back in the next life, can you choose what you
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: come back as, sister? You know, with the habit the blue.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: It was not very happy thinking that I was a
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: trouble maker. But I wasn't a bookmaker. I just had
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: a different lens. Back through my own story has been
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: really traumatic, like really confronting, but also just so I
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: don't know, I'm a mum of little kids, and I
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: just I felt so sorry for myself. I had this
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: like cathartic in.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: A child.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: Greeting period, you know, counseling period, all writing this book,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: and that I wasn't expecting that at all, whole demonic language,
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Like I was terrified. I believed I was going to hell.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: And when I look at some of my books when
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: I was eight and nine and the scenes that I
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: wrote about when I was in kindergarten where I drew
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: pictures of myself with all spit around, there's such a
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: big change. And I resented my religious upbringing for a
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: period because I felt that made me feel like I
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: was a bad person and I didn't understand that. And
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: so I've had to really do a lot of forgiveness.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: And wow, yeah, and the whole idea of opening up
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: the portal was terrifying. I did not want to go
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: to hell. So my parents used to always say to me,
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: why do you have a glow in the dark as
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: a statue next to the bed with the Bible? You know,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: they weren't even that religious, but I wanted to do
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: anything I could because I was told a lot that
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I was going to hell. That was the internal dialogue.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: How old were you when was it? I assume nuns,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: God bless the nuns. We love nuns. But sometimes how
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: old were you when you're being told you going to hell?
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Uh A?
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Nine?
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Eight and nine? Like, yeah, you know, I'm not I'm
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: not trying to throw anyone or any group of people
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: or any religion under the bus, but fuck fuck, it's like, imagine,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: imagine telling a child, a young child, that they're going
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: to burn in an eternal lake of fire for like
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: obviously eternity, Like that's not love, that's that's evil, Like
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: that's horrible. Bumps, Now, that's so fucking horrible.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: And for see, I didn't have anybody at that age
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: to talk, so I so my parents they God love them, like,
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: you know, absolutely adore them, and they loved me, and
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: they were so supportive, and they just thought that I
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: had a great imagination with lots of imaginary friends. There
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: was a number of times where I would say something
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: and they would kind of, well, that's a bit strange,
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: you know, Like I would have a conversation about someone
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: that I played with on the playground or you know,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: at home, and i'd give some details about a war
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: that it was a little girl from Bathett's to how
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: the hell did.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: I know that?
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: And I think my mom, in knowing now her story,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: she was you know, raised by clearly women who had
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: wrong mediumship skills. But back in the day when they
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: searing spirits, they gave her electric shock therapy. My mom's
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: mom and her mom both trick shock therapy for hearing
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: voices right, which they classify pizophrenia. So in my mum
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: lens when I mister Magoo from up the road came
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: to me and he died lot of a heart attack,
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: and he wants me to tell his wife that he's okay.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: He's been crying. I remember the distinct feeling that my
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: mum looked me for a little bit too long, kind
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: of like, oh shit, you know what is this. You
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: know that she have schizophrenia, et cetera. So you have
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: that at home. And I'm a people pleaser, so I
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: have energy. I pick that up from my mum. You know,
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: this is not something's about. Then I go to school
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: and then I've got at school, I spoke to friends
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: about it. You know, got mocked. You know, it's just
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: not something that you really talk about. Then on top
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: of that, with the nuns, you know, and the religious teachings,
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: like I banished this side of me so deep a.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: I had to have hypnosis to pull some of these
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: experiences out. I can't tell you how terrified I was
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: from the talk at school, but also in not being
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: able to DISCUSSS like I was seeing spirits and yet
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I was being told no, that's evil, and the only
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: spirit that does exist was the one spirit. I couldn't see,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: the Holy Spirit. So that's yes, the play is there.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Wow, this is from Oh my God. I could talk
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: to you for hours. I could, Honestly, I'm I don't
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm hosting a podcast. I feel like I'm
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: just I mean really sitting at I kind of want
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: to turn the podcast off now. I don't because I
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: want everyone to hear you. But like there's a couple
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: of things that come up for me. So I talk
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: about this thing. I call it thought cults. It's a
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: thought cult, right, where a group of people, whether it's
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: religious or otherwise. It could be I won't name people
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: because I don't know I'll get thrown under the bus anyway,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: but like it could be vegans, It could be bodybuilders.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: It could be where vegans or carnivores or everyone they're like,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: this is the best way to eat, and they live
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: in an echo chamber and they all say and think
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: and do the same. And or it could be a
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: political cult. Or it could be you know, it could
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: be bodybuilding versus CrossFit versus whatever it is. It could
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: be you know, any philosophor you yeah, but it's like,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: so people surround themselves with people who are like them,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: think like them. And so now you're in this environment,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: this thought bubble, this echo chamber that you, the eight
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: year old, did not choose right, and then you are
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: coerced and controlled and manipulated and programmed to think a
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: certain way. And then you would when you're not being
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: subjected to that, or you're just by yourself, you're having
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: these very real experiences that freak people out and through
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: their lens or their language, that's evil, that's bad, that's demonic,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: that's this, that's destructive, that's the occult, that's and I
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: grew up in that with that language, so I very
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: That's why I said to you, I would have been
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: outcast if I had have done this with you then
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: or a version of this with you, and it's it's
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: it's so interesting that people are so uncomfortable with people
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: that aren't like them, which is why we see all
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: the screaming on social media and why we I wrote
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: a post about this the other day, Chezy, and I've
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: seen this a bit lately. I've seen more of it
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: since I posted this thing. But in two days, I
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: saw two different people doing a rant about a topic.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Doesn't matter what the topic is, you can probably guess right,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: but anyway, rant fucking this person and that this disgusting
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: and everyone needs a right right And at the end
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: they went, if you disagree with me, please unfollow. And
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you're literally telling the world. You're literally telling
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: the world you only want people who agree with you
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: and think like you and live in your echo chamber,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: to be in your world, your community, because in your
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: mind there's no chance that you were wrong. And then
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I think practically about that, and I think, well, I'm
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I'm wrong ten times a day every day, maybe fifty
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: who knows, but I get things wrong every day multiple times.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Then to figure out over the last decades how much
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: shit I've got wrong? Who fucking knows? But a lot. Now,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I've got this opinion about something
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: that you know, like let's say, for example, Donald Trump
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: is this or Donald Trump is that? Or isn't this?
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Or is it too much or not enough? Whatever. So
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I'm Brian living in fucking berleeen and I'm sending this
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: to my seventy four friends, like I'm going to make
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: a difference or I'm going to move the needle, or
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: like I just don't like think what you think, but
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: also have an awareness that, oh, you could be wrong,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: because you've been wrong many times. You know. I was
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: unequivocally you know, a Bible kid, and you know, and
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I still think. I still like a lot of what
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: came out of church for me was good. Some of
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: it was fucking terrible. Some of the people in there
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: were amazing and beautiful and gifted and kind, and some
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: were fucking Charlatan's right, who would say one thing and
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: do another.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: But that's not so much about church as it is
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: just about human beings. But you've worked in the media
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: a lot. I bet you know people in the media
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: who are a gift and other people who are narcissistic,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: fucking pricks. Right, It's not about media or the industry.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: It's just about human beings, you know. So you're trying
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: to navigate this complexity of the human experience. And it's like,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: that's why I don't try to convince anybody. I just go,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: this is what I think, and why could be wrong
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: because I've been wrong a lot. So rather than believe me,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: perhaps consider me if you want, you know, And then
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I think that's what you're doing, and there's.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: There's so so when I first decided to release the book,
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: and I thought, holy hell, this could could annihilate our career.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: This could annihilate us, like we could get canceled grant
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: grants like nasst of it. You know, if you if
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: you're meant to get canceled, you can get canceled. I
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: was still really nervous, and I like, I'm not nervous anymore.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: I get time, not as many, but I do get
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: common cell the time from people who are deeply old
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: of religion. And I've done enough research so part read
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: in my book so I can't divided into three ish sections.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Got my story the messages messages, but then I've also
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: got just a little bit of research that I did
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: intoship how it's not you. How Western culture is the
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: only culture in the world does this since since organized religion,
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: you know, it was introduced. So I've just given like
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: a very brief touch on that stuff. I don't feel
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: the hold. So I see people now saying, you know,
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: you're going to go to hell or whatever. I think, Okay,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: that's your belief. I'm not asking you to believe me.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: This book was never about turning the world into being
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: pro cheasy. This was about me saying, you know what,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: I've got three daughters. I've blocked this daughters, and I
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: will forever be trying to repair because what happens when
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: we lose our connection, and it happens to all of us,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: is placed by this feeling of being untethered. It is
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: replaced by a feeling of anxiety and depression. And I've
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: got three daughters disorder. I have not blocked it whatsoever.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: And she is as weird as hell, she is as
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: confident as hell. And there is something in this I
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: wanted to tell my truth. I wanted to tell my truth,
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: and I knew the messages are supposed to get to
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: would get to them. But I never expected was that
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: this little book that we we went down the self
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: publishing route because I I met with all the publishers
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: and the publishing is something that I was you know,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: I've never published anything before in my life. They obviously
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: want to maintain their brand and they wanted to put
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: their fingers all over it, and you know, that didn't
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: sit right with me. So I never thought that this
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: little book that could would have had overwhelming response. And
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: every single day I have been smashed with messages from
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: people who are like, Hi, I'm weird too. I held
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: a soul and a lot of those had very religious
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: upbringings and they had to bear deep down. Now I'm
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: not saying that that's the only you know, the group
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: that this has appealed to, because there's also which I
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: was not expecting, people who were outcome at school. They
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: felt like a loser, they had no friends. It seems
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: to be I don't know speaking to them. But I
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: never wanted to convince from that point that you raised,
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: It was just about me saying I have been by
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: I haven't been authentic. I still don't know you know
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: who I am. I'm still working through that, and I
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: have put all of that in this book because I
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: don't want to live that lie anymore.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Chesy, I'm going to get you to turn off your
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: video because your internet's a bit dodgy, so I'll turn
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: off mine as well. So we can't see each other.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Now we've become a radio interview. That's all right, So
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: if you can just yeah, because I think generally I
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: don't like this. I don't like this as much. I'm
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: going to tell you. But anyway, so che we can't
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: see each other now, everyone, but let's just think of
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: it as a fancy phone call, just because your audio
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: is coming in and out a little bit, which my
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: listeners are probably going, what did she say? That? We're
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: missing a few words? So when did? When did the
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: book get published? Liked it? When was day one where
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: the public could get their grubby little hands on it?
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: March eleven?
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: So okay, oh so not even two weeks? Yeah, certain
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: days ago. That's amazing, and so tell us I've got
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: a lot more questions. But just about that, what's what's
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: the response been?
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: So I hit the best seller list in the pre sale,
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: and I even want to do a pre sale because
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: I thought, who is buying books before they can get it?
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: I didn't realize that that was a thing, but apparently
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: it is. So they made me put the book out
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: February nineteen, and so I have published it myself, but
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I have kind of teamed up with book Topia to
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: do a distribution. When I say they that's who you know,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: because I needed somebody to help me get the books out.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: That wouldn't be my forte so and I was very
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: adamant that I want assible to everyone. And a lot
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: of the people that I talk to are from way
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: out west. They don't have little bookstores, you know, so yes,
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: so it just seemed to know. So February nineteen, it
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: came out on presale and within forty eight hours it
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: hit the best seller list, which was like I was like, God,
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what that means. But they just
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: kept saying it's really good. And then yeah, I've been
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: sitting at number one since it's you know, into the
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: sale period. I don't know. I had to go down
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: and sign thousands of books and that I didn't even
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: have a signature, Like.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not that's hilarious. That's hilarious. Yeah, put your put
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: your camera back on. Because we're the same. It doesn't
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: make any difference. Doesn't matter. So everyone, I apologize for
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: a few drop words here and there, but it just
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: is what it is. So if we miss something, I'm
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: going to ask you again. Sorry. It's just the connection.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: It's just a connection we have. And is that like
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I would think, considering how fearful you were over time
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: and probably fearful writing the book, what will people think?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: How will it be received? Could this, as you were saying,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: could this fucking ruin me? Could this be? Could this
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: be the beginning of it? And now it's it's been embraced,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: it's being embraced. How does that? What is that doing
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: to you? What's that doing mentally and emotionally? Is that
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: is that? It's obviously a surprise, but a great surprise, right,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: it is a surprise.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: It's still mun't I think fecting a much bigger reaction
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: from me when they say, you know, you've just beaten
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: this just I'm like, I don't know, I don't know
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: how to feel. Yeah, I just when I got the
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: book in my hand and I smelt it and I
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: felt it, and that was enough. I was like, far out,
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I've done it. I've climbed my mountain. Speak and then
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: my daughter you know, while I was in that moment,
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: thinking wow, what a rockstar moment, she with her kindergarten
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: scissors giving herself a scarlet. So that just brought me
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: straight back. It's overwhelming, and I think at times, I
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: it's it's a lot because now what I've realized that
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: not only have I touched on lots of memories for
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: bringing up all of this stuff, They're kind of sometimes
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: looking at me like I'm some guru when I meet people,
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: you know, can I, I don't know, give them the
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: light or something, and I don't actually know, Let's do
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: it together. Yeah, So it's it's yeah, it's it's crazy
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: into my first workplace, you know, in a Channel seven
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: to give an interview and absolutely terrified. It just was
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: such a big moment to go back there were these
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: people that I've worked it for years and to go, hey, yeah,
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: so you noticed. But I was always a little bit
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: weird and most of the time, you know, we knew
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: you you were different.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: That's great though, And I think it's like the thing is,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: whatever you do, whoever you are, however you are, whatever
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: your thing is, people are going to judge you anyway.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Now that's not necessarily negative. Because we all judge or
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: evaluate or kind of that's part of our brain. Our
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: brain just makes judgments all day. You know, it's a
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: threat assessment machine, your brain, and so you know it
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: being assessed or being evaluated or people labeling you. And
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: like if I had as somebody said, what three words
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: come to mind, I would go clever, I would go fascinating,
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I would go a bit weird. I'm like, yeah, cool,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: like all cool things, you know that. But also the
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: thing about like my luck while I'm trying to think
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: my second last book was with Penguin, and you're right,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: and I'm very grateful to peng when it was great,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: but I must have done at least fifty radio interviews
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: and not I don't know, ten or eight TV things
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: and magazine things, and then you go you write the book,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, there's
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: this whole other. Oh now I'm being understandably wheeled out
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: because they want the product to work because it's their product,
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: and they don't money. They don't make money unless it
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: sells heaps, so they wanted to sell heaps, so they've
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: got to wheel you out to talk about it. Obviously,
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: there's this whole commercial and practical and financial and industry
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: reality around the book. That's not you. It's it's like,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: it's not a bad thing, but that's just and you
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: probably don't think about that because you're just so concerned
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: with I hope the book's good. I hope people don't
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: hate it. I hope I get some decent people, and
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I hope I don't get black Man. And then all
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: of a sudden, you're being shuffled around like a fucking
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: performing monkey. You're on this, You're on that, you're doing.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: Has that been an interesting kind of experiment?
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: Again, not wanting to diss the publishers, because you know,
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: it's a it's a brand new street to me. But
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: when I kind of sat down and I said, all right,
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: what what how does this work? What what do you
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: do for me? And then we'll get you all this media,
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: I thought, Yeah, I don't know. I just want to
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: be able to be selective. I want to do heart
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: led chats. I don't want to be like I don't
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: want to Betty that I've pretended to be for the
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: last twenty years, you know, all polished like Jersey doing
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: all the mass media. I want to do the new
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: project I want to do, you know. So I haven't
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: been wheeled out. I've been selective. So my experience has
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: been different because I don't have anybody to answer to. Yeah,
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: for myself. And also I know how things get sold.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: I know the clickbait headlines that you know. Sometimes well
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: I would have written in the past to promote something
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: like this. I don't want to feed into that machine
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: all right now.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: I want to get into your gift or your burden.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I think it's both. I think it's both. It's probably
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: something else as well.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: Ability, And can I just say on that probability ability,
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: we are all born one thousand percent. We are all
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: born with this ability. It's not sick to me.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: But what is.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Probably unique is it Somewhere along the line, I just
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: missed out on the indoctrination because I was too adhd.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: Now I genuinely feel so it's an ability that we
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: all have.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: It's it's so interesting, that indoctrination bit. It's like we're
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: growing up. We're told what to think, not we're taught
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: how to think, like, don't think critically, don't think for yourself,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: because we've already got the truth. You need to just
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: learn it. It's like what you know, It's like we're
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: actually taking and I know it's evolving in schools and
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I know, you know, I went to school two hundred
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: and seventeen years ago, So what the fuck do you want?
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: What the fuck do you want? What the fuck do
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: I know? But it's like, yeah, like all the stuff
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: that I was taught, and whether or not it was
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: religious or other stuff, it's like, you know, even the
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: science back in the day, it's like, no, this is
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: how the world, this is how you know, like the
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: food pyramid, for example. I've spoken too much about it,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: so no, this is the best way to eat. And
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: then we find out, oh, not only is that not
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: the best way, it's fucking terrible. Oh, but that was
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: the science. And it's like this is the theology and
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: this is the one true this. And then you think
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: about the fact that there are over four thousand religions
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: in the world and twelve major religions and they all
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: teach different shit, but they all think they're the one
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: true hot line to whatever or whoever right, And it's like, bro,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: just step out of the emotion and the hyperbole for
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: a moment, and all of you think you're right, So
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: statistically a lot of you are wrong, or maybe all
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: of you are wrong. Who the fuck knows, right, Like,
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: even if you just tone down your religious zealousness and
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: your emotion and your addiction to that and your programming,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: and I get all of it, and I know you've
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: been told not to think, I'm like, why do you
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: think they tell you not to think? Oh, that's a
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: good way to control you. That's a good way to
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: manage you. And by the way, Craig, if you talk
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: to Chezi, that's sin, and if you talk about those things,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: that also is sin. And by the way, all her
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: stuff bad, all our stuff good. So oh fuck. And
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: then now me like one hundred years later, doing a
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: doctorate in psychology, lightbulbs are going off every day where
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, ah, that's what that is. Ah, Like, this
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: is manipulation, this is controlled this is coercion, this is fear,
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: this is hijacking someone's brain, this is limiting people, this
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: is sabotaging their own fucking potential. And it's a way
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: to subvert your natural whatever and to manage you. Now,
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying all religions are terrible or theologies. I'm
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: not saying that at all. I'm just saying that anything
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: any group where you are discouraged from being you and
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: thinking for yourself and believing for yourself and learning for yourself,
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: anything that tries to control that out of you, that's
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: not in your best interest, you.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Know, Amen, Amen, tell us.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: About, tell us about, Like I want to get my
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: head around when you I don't know what do you
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: call it? You get a message, you get a fucking download.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: What do you call it? When? When you what do
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: you call that process? Ah?
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: So like tuning in right? So, so say, for instance,
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: like the other day haspened for a while, but the
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: other day I was asleep and I heard voice, so
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: very clear voice in my head okay, which is clear audience,
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: and said, get up, I need you to write my message. Okay.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: So I'm half asleep. The kids are all around me.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: Oh god, It's been a few years since this has happened,
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: because I've been too busy, book. But I now don't
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: question it. I hop up and I trust it, and
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: you know know the reasons why that happened. I put
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: a message up on social media, and I you know,
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: I know that that has a person that it was
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: meant to help so that's a hearing. Now. I always
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: thought that I was because I was clearly hearing differents,
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: like picking up sometimes conversations happening in other rooms, and
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: it's kind of like you know the old radios, where
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: like the frequency you're trying to tune in. That's what
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: I did, is So that's with the hearing side of things.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: Now there's also claire cognizance, which is a knowing. So
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: they're all they're all the claires, which is what you
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: know mediums call the different senses that you tune in
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: with so vant clairvoyant. That's the seeing you know when
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: you're so for instance, for different But how I explain
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: it to people is, you know, if you do a
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: visualization or a meditation where you close your eyes and
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: you visualize something that's clear, that's clear audience. That's sorry clairvoyance.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: So I always thought that that was my strongest sense,
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: but as it turns out, it's not. It's clare sentience,
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: which is the sensing of something m So all of
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: those happened simultaneously. Sometimes they're you know, they come at
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: different times, sometimes in full apparitions, which very rarely ever happens,
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: but like a full outline of you know, when you
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: see a road on really hot and there's.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Like the shimmer, it's like shimmering.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: Yeap, Yeah, that's what it's like, kind of like an outline.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: And if you walk into a place and you go, oh,
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: this doesn't have a good feeling this place, and you
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: can't quite explain why. For an animal, you'd trust that instinct,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: but we don't.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Can I tell you a story please, so that that right.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: I won't say where, But I used to work at
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: a place with a recovery kind of organization, so ad
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: ex alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, blah blah, all of that,
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: and most of my experiences there were amazing. But one
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: day I got there, I just did a weekly thing
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: for a few years where I went and talked to
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: the boys and girl about just so not about their
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: addiction per se, not as a counselor, but rather as
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: an exercise physiologist, health fitness bloke. So I just talked
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: to them a bit about lifestyle, food, exercise, all the
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: you know, and in the context that I'm in a
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: room full of addicts, right anyway, So to get to
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: the room, there's a hallway that you walk down at
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: the end of the hallway. It's not exciting. There's door,
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: you open the door, you walk in, you're in the room.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: You're in the middle of them. It's like a classroom anyway.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: So one day I'm there, you know, number speaking event
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: for them, number one hundred and eighty four or something.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: And I get there and I'm on autopilot. I'm walking
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: down the hall. I'm speaking from two to four. It's
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: one minute to two. I'm about to touch the door
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: and I get this almost shock and I just stop.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: And I just got this sense of just not walking through.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: Don't walk through just yet. Now this is and this
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: is I know this sounds weird. You're like, no, that's
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: totally normal. And I'm bumps.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: Right now, which is what I call bumps.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, right. So I'm about to open the door
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: and I kind of get this vibe feeling or sensation.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: Do not open the door, Just fucking chill out for
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: a second. I'm like, all right, what And then I
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: got this sense that today would be problematic, that there
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: would be people in the group who want a better term,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: weren't the best people, and I needed to be careful.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, because I'm fucking happy Gilmore. I just
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: stroll in and be me and do my shit. You know,
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, whatever, So I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Anyway.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: I went Roger that no worries, I'll be careful. Then
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: I went in and within about ten minutes there was
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: probably twenty people in the group. It was clear that
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: there were two people in there who are nobody knows
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: who it is, but no good like just stuff going on,
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: not good stuff. And I could see that they didn't
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: like me, that they they will try and derail everything,
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: and they would like essentially trying to threaten me and
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: all of these And I'm like, anyway, because I kind
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: of was somewhat prepared, but at the same time thinking
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: you're a fucking idiot, nothing's going to happen. Then it happened,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, then I was fascinated that I got
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: this warning. Then I walked in and by the way,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: this had not happened before. It's not like this is regular. Yeah,
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: and I knew that it was two people, and it
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: was two people, and yeah, so I just I modified
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: what I would normally do and how I would normally
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: do it, and how available I was emotionally and mentally
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: and perhaps spiritually, who knows right and how I was anyway,
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: so I got through it somewhat unscathed, but there was
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: definitely some shit going on, and there was no reason
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: in the world. Like when I got essentially told to
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: stop at the door, I wasn't thinking about anything. I
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: was just on an autopilot walking down the same corridor
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: I'd walked down hundreds of times. And yeah, and I
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: have not because that has not happened. Happened a lot,
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: but I've not forgotten that, and I remember it vividly,
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, what's that about? You know? So I
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: did you.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Because I noticed that you just said that when you
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: heard did you thinking back and putting yourself in that situation?
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: Did you hear it or unknowing?
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: It was a knowing? It was a sense And I
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: felt scared for a minute. Yeah, and like just fear arose,
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: well obviously for a reason, but not the way fear
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: normally arises. Where I'm going to talk to one thousand
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: people in thirty seconds on a stage, Well, of course
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: you feel fearful and anxious because that's fucking challenging whatever,
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: But this just came from nowhere and from no thought.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: It's not like I had a thought and then that
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: produced a fear response. I didn't have a thought, like
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: it all happened. I felt this thing in my body,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: this like my body was like steady on my brain,
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: on my mind or whatever, whatever intuition, spiritual self whatever.
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: But yeah, and I like, that's I've never told that,
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: because it's it's it's mental. Well, Craig, that's fucking stupid.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: You're stupid, do you know what I mean? And because
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: you know, and then because I'm the logical I'm the
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: logical guy, I'm the brain guy. I'm the psychology guy.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: I'm the human behavior dude. I'm the hey where are
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: we now? Where do we want to be? Let's make
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: better decisions, do better things, better outcomes. I'll hang on.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: There's this other like and that's the funny thing right
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: in our culture where very much about well, knowledge can
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: only come from an external source. Knowledge can only come
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: from a book or a conversation or a school or
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: a program or a video or a fucking academic journal
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: or that's where knowledge comes from out there. And then
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're like, oh, knowledge comes from
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: in here. But we were never taught that, Like, what
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: there's those things that you know that you've never been taught.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: Explain that to me, grasshopper, That's fucking amazing. I love this.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: I'm still learning myself, so neuroscience is something that I'm
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: starting to dabbling. We can't explain what consciousness is yet,
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: so can't explain it. And if you've ever seen somebody
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: pass away, which I have, you know, you see the
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: energy leave and that's not where we're that's you know
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: you you see the energy leave the body, the vessel.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: So I can't explain it, but I just know that
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: I have had similar experiences what you're talking about. When
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: Grant broke his back in a monster truck, Like I'm
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: just a I very rarely will pull out of stuff
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: like I'm a yeah optimist, you know, we can do anything.
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: And on that day when we were leaving, I got
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: to the front door and I had that feeling I
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: can't do. I felt violently ill all of a sudden,
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: and I did not know what it was. And I
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: said to Grant, I can't go with you to this
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: media day thing. Well you have to come with me
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: because you've organized it. I never pull out of stuff
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: anyone who knows me knows I just you know, just
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: but it was so overwhelming and after everything that happened,
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: and I've spoken to people who were there with him,
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: they say, you would not have probably recovered if you
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: you know, if you him that way. So what is that?
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It would be your higher self telling you.
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: You know, it could be reading a frequency. Understand some
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: people who are much more woo woo than me, you know,
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: it could be your spirit guides. It could be this
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: that I don't know. All I know, we as a
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: society have disconnected from reading that and trusting that. And
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: as I said, if it was an animal, they don't it.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: And I want to see everyone get back to going.
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: You know what, I'm not going to go in the
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: room right now because I'm not having feeling that I
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: can't explain. I just know it's not right. And then
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: the people who are walking in with you go, oh, okay,
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: well Craig's not doing it today. The feeling like, rather
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: than taking the pierce and saying, well that's just weird,
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: suck it up, butter Cup and get in here. You know,
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know how we get to that point, but
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: I want that future for my kids that.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: I love that so much. And also, like, here's a
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: controversial thing to say, right, it's like, the human mind
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: is fucking amazing, but we've got no evidence that there's
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: a mind actually, because the mind is a construct. Right,
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: The brain is real. We can see fuel, measure touch,
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: we can analyze what's happening biochemically in the brain and
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: all of that, right, But the mind is like a
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: gift and a problem because it can heal you or
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: fuck you up, or it can do good for you
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: or fuck you up, depending on what's happening in your mind.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: So so much so you'll love this, I think. So
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: there's a thing called psychoeuroimmunology pn I, and it talks
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: about the relationship between what's happening in your head your body.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: So your thoughts, your thoughts create an emotional response, your
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: emotions create physiological response. So, all of a sudden, right now,
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: for some weird reason, and this is not a this
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: just a hypothetical story, all of a sudden, you think
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: you're in danger, when the reality is you're not in danger,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: You're totally safe. But you have a thought right now,
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking about you're getting a message from but
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: just a you know, and then all of a sudden
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: you think the thought it's not actually true. But then
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: there's the associated fear and anxiety and all of those things,
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: maybe anger. Then your heart rate goes up, and your
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: blood pressure goes up, and your sympathetic nervous system goes
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: nut's fight or flight and adrenaline and cortisol and all
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: of these things happen in your body that your mind
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: created because your mind and emotions and body are one system,
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: not three. They're always up and operating in concert, you know, together.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: But like, I think the problem is that we trust
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: our minds too much. Much Like the mind is brilliant,
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: but also you know who somebody said, don't believe everything
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: you think. I'm like, that's such a great fucking sentence
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: because you think some terrible shit. Bro, you think shit
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: that's going to fuck up your life. Yeah right, yeah,
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: and so that that that kind of like this is
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: my thought, but it could be flawed or this is
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: my belief, but I could be wrong. Now that's not
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: what you're talking about with this kind of information and messaging.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: But it's like just understanding that, like it's trying to
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: understand that the gap between you know, it's like you
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: were talking about consciousness and yeah, we don't know what
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: the fuck it is. I just listened to a guy
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: being interviewed whose name escapes me, but he wrote a
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: book it's out now called Consciousness, and he's like, it's
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: it's about consciousness. But when the interviewer goes, so what
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: is it, he guys, I don't know's I don't know,
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: we don't know. I'm like, fuck, bro, you wrote the
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: book called consciousness. What's the fucking answer. He's like, we done,
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: you know, And so that's the beauty of it. So
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: my theory, my theory is to consciousness, the beginning of
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: consciousness and awareness, which kind of a cousin's is to
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: realize how little awareness and consciousness you have and to
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: be able to like, to realize, I don't like, I've
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: just done a PhD, which is essentially around self awareness,
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: and I know, I mean, it's it's about more than that,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: but that's the blanket kind of and I know, fuck
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: all you know, you know, it's like even with I
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: was trying to explain to someone yesterday, I was at
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: the cafe and there's a you know, that granulated sugar,
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: the brown sugar. There was a big jar of that.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: There would I don't know, I don't know how many,
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: but probably fucking ten thousand grains of sugar in this
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: big jar. And I said, and I got out one
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: grain of sugar and I put it on my feet
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: tip and I said, this is I go that jar.
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: That is psychology. This grain of sugar is what I'm studying.
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: I'm studying a fucking drop of water in an ocean
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: of knowledge. And even then you separate, well, then beyond
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: psychology there's all the other fields. So I think the
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: truth is that, you know, we don't really know, Like
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: we think there's some stuff we know, but there's so
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: much stuff. But because our identity so much in our
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: culture anyway, is tied in with knowing and being right,
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: and we want certainty and we want predictability, and we
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: want comfort and we want familiarity. We want all of
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: these things because we hate the fucking unknown. So Chezy,
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: please stop talking about this fucking woo woo goofy shit
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: because it scares me, right and you're scaring me and
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: it's not true anyway, so fuck off. And by the way,
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: you're bad I'm good. You know, this is thing we're
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: so scared.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: Look at what's happened at the start of this year
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: with all of the Epstein files and all of this,
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: you know, wishing of all of these things that we
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: thought we knew, and now we're going, well, hang on
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: a second. It is a bit scary because what what
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: what do we know? Our minds want control, they don't
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: want to be fit. I went through a period where
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: I had post traumatic stress, but all I felt that
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: entire time was anxious. Yes, that time was when I
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: intuitive at all. I was so in my head, and
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: it was always about trying to control about feeling settled
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: because I felt like I had answers. I felt like
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: I was protected. I you know, I didn't feel like
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: I was tethered.
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: I just was.
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: Scrambling to try and control every situation. And that is
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: just I feel sorry for the Shaddy that went through that.
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: But I'm so gratefu able to share that experience because
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: I see it in so many people now and I
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: read it. I see it in addicts, Like there's so
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: many addicts who feel and I'm only raising the point
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: of because you were talking about them before. They you know,
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: they're traumas, can define them, etc. But they're also they
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: unjust they feel like they are disconnected from I don't
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: know source or disconnected and that is such a big issue.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: It's huge, and there's so much that we can't explain.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: I am now like you, like I will be forever
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: a student. My mum has Alzheimer's dementia. He's like quite
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: you know in that. And when I was over it,
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: so I went to Arthur Finlay College and did a
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: masterclass in mediumship, and they explained to me a bit
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: about how when you're going through dementia you can put
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: one foot in the afterlife, you know, one foot seal year.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: And then I had three days where I didn't speak
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: to my mum and I was out in the kitchen
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: and I literally saw her presence walk into the kitchen.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: And I've never do this. So this is an exclusive
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: for the U project, but I like, I thought, oh
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: my god, and she and no, I hope not am
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: I dead? And I said no, no, no, I use
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: oh I must be asleep. Oh. I was just really
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: worried about you and I just wanted to see if
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: you were okay. How she has dementia Okay, that long ago.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: It was probably six months ago in knowing what kind
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: of opened my mind. At what I call Spiritual College,
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: they had a lot more experience than I did. I
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: was open to it. We had this great conversation. I
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: told I was okay. I said, Mom, you go back
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: to sleep now and I'll chat to you tomorrow. So
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: the next day, when I saw a big hug and
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: I said, Mom, you did you come and see me
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: in your dream last night? She said, yeah, I was
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: really worried about you.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. I was wow.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: That is validation of something that I don't know how
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: the hell had happened, but it happened. Science can't explained
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: to me how that happened.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: But I know it.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: I know it, and I trust feel.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, there are a lot of things that are
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: real that we can't prove. And that's one of the
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: problems is that we you know, science is great to
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: a point, but the problem with science is that science
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: was created by humans. Like all the protocols and all
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: the ways it was created by humans. Humans are brilliant. Also,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: humans are flawed. And then so even with my research, right,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: it's doing my stuff. It's a research based PhD. So
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: you have to design. Firstly, you've got to come up
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: with what you're investigating. It's got to be something new
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: in the field. You can't repeat anything. You've got to
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: literally bring new science to the world. And so then
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: you've got to design your studies based on this gap
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: that you find in the science. Right. But I'm well
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: aware that I'm human, right, I'm doing everything that I
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: can to make it as profound and as interesting and
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: as relevant and as accurate as can be. But all
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: of us PhD students are just humans trying to do
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: our best. And like this this idea that science is
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: flawless and nothing can compete with science. It's like, well,
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: you don't. You don't actually understand science if because it's
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: all human driven. And even when you get the data,
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: you go, well, who's interpreting the data and what are
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: their beliefs and what are their biases and what do
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: they want to get out? And by the way, who
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: financed this research? Like that? No, I mean that's true.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: That's so important. It's so important.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: Most research, most is financed by a private organization or
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: a publicly listed organization. And something I wanted to tell
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: you just circling back is like you were talking about
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: being around someone who's dying and like pass away in
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: front of you and you realize, oh, they're not there
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: now are They're gone now? And six years ago I
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: was training with my Sorry to my listeners, but you
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: don't know this story. I don't think I was training
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: with one of my best mates, is my training partner.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: We've been training at Bloke Thing. We've been lifting weights
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: in the gym for twenty years. He did a set
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: of chin ups. You know what chinups are, twenty reps,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: held his breath, stupid had a cardiac arrest in front
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: of me, literally in front of me, went to the ground,
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: died dead, heart stopped and obviously, you know, so I
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: went into action. But he was one hundred and something
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: Kilo's ex mister Australia pro bodybuild a fucking I really
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: want someone lighter to die next time. That would be
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: very handy. So I flipped him over like the bigger
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: rangetan that is. And I'm like, oh, and I just
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: knew that he wasn't there, and I'm just looking at
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: him and it wasn't him. It was just a dead body.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: I know that sounds it was just a dead body.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: And Mark I call him the crab because he looks
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: like a fucking crustacean. The crab was not there, and
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: so and I had this awareness the whole time that
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: without trying to be because obviously it's traumatic, it's all
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: the things, but in the moment, you're just doing what
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: you need to do. But it's just a dead body
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: that you're trying to make undead. So he was dead
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: for seventeen minutes. Seventeen minutes, chais he? And eleven of
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: those was just me and him and the ambos got
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: there at about all the paramedics, who were fucking amazing,
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: by the way, much better at that job than me.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: So hey, guys, get there earlier, be quicker. Now they
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: are amazing. But yeah, that what you said. When I
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: just it's like, and it's not something I've thought about,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: but just I was just over the top of him
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: doing all the shit I had to do to kind
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: of give him some hope. And I went, oh, Mark's
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: not here. Ye, Mark is like his spirit, his energy,
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: his whatever, like he's not I don't know where he is,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: but he isn't here. This is just a dead body
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: that I'm working on and while I still of course
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: had all the compassion and all the drive and all
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: the motivation to try to reverse that. But yeah, it's
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: like obviously.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: Recognize that, and you you know there's no spirit there,
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: It's just just a vessel. My ear is like, okay,
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: so right now I'm getting like this really really strong
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: piercing noise in my right ear, which says to me
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: that it's Mark, who's like trying to Yeah, that's like
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: really piercing and wow, and I'll talk you through it,
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: so right side. So therefore that says to me that
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: it's male. Did he kisses? Did he like do I
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: don't know what this is, but kiss his bicep? Yeah?
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: Is that a?
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: I don't know?
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: Well he did? He did hair flick like a he did?
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: He did flex a lot on stage. I don't remember
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: him kissing his bicep, but yeah, I mean very But
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: he's funny because on stage, especially walking around and essentially
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: a pair of jocks in front of a thousand people
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: flexing your shit, you can't be any more exposed than that.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: I guess you could take it off right. But away
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: from that, he's an introvert and shy quiet. So but yeah,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: it just owned one stage. Yeah, those moments where you go, oh,
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: like the door at the end of the corridor, like
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: him dying, like you know, my.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: Me to like unpack this now. But I'm like, this
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: doesn't happen all the time. But I did you did
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: you find that really challenge after he died? And did
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: you go through a dark period?
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: So after he died and got better, there was immense
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: well when when he finally see when he came back
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: what I call online right seventeen minutes later, the chances
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: of him having much brain function were not high. The
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: chances of him having no ongoing kind of brain issues
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: were pretty much zero, right, So I was very worried.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: But what is weird, Chezi is in that those seventeen minutes,
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: especially the first eleven where it was just me and him,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: I was so calm. It was ridiculous, Like I was
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: so in flow. I wasn't. I don't know how, and
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to pump up my ties. This is
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: just I was not that worried. I mean, I'm sure
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: I was worried, but you would think the level of
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: anxiety and overwhelm would be fucking fifteen out of ten
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: it wasn't. I was just in flow. I was just
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: where I needed to be, doing what I needed to do.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: And if it was a stranger in the supermarket, I
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: would do exactly the same thing, exactly the same way,
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: with exactly the same level of care. But yeah, and
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: then I don't know, I had a weird sense of calm,
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: and I even though statistically and logically he was probably
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: going to die, like just I didn't think he was
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: going to die, Like I thought, this is temporary, He's
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: coming back. Yeah, I just had a I don't know,
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: I'm not I don't know that that was any spiritual download,
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: but I I didn't, you know, even though logically with
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: a sciencey brain and you know, fucking having I've had
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: similar experiences because I've worked in gym's my whole life
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: and around you know, people going through stuff. Yeah, but
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: I just thought, no, he's not going to die. And yeah,
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: so he didn't.
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: He came back one.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: Hundred pcent fine, now one hundred percent fine, like zero
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: issues nothing, He's got a pacemaker, like, he didn't have
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: a heart attack. His actual heart is fine. It was electrical.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: His heart just stopped beating. And even when that's insane.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: So science can't explain, right.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: No, even when look, I've got a theory and this
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: is just you know, my bogan working theory. But they
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: call it idiopathic. So when they don't know the cause
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: of something in medicine, they say it's idiopathic. So it's
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: an idiopathic cardio cardiac arrest. They don't know the cause
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: because they did obviously they analyzed his heart inside out,
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: upside down, and there's nothing wrong with his heart. My
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: theory was because he just he'd worked on his he'd
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: been working all day in the heat. He drinks fucking
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: energy drinks, which I hate, by the way, knock yourselves
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: out everyone, but I hate them right because they're just
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: full of shits and caffeine. They're literally a cardiac stimulant,
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: like they stimulate car your heart right and your nervous system.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: And he was dehydrated. He had I don't know, I
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: reckon the equivalent of twenty cups of coffee on board,
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: which are the it's heart rate, blood pressure, and then
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: he did twenty chins twenty reps and held his breath. Well,
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: that's stupid in the first place. So your blood pressure
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: goes to a million over two million when you're doing that,
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: and he just put his heart under so much pressure
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: that it just stopped. But there was no actual damage
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: to the heart, which is a miracle. But when I
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: offered that kind of my thesis, they shut me down.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: They're like, ah, nah, it's not that. I go, what's
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: your theory and they're like, ah, I don't know, but anyway,
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. But yeah, he's good. He's good on
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: that then.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: And I've got a question for you. So did he
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: if he was, you know, dead body his spirit? Can
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: he remember what happened? Can he remember only?
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah? That's his only recollection? Is that is I don't
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: know if it's a memory, but an experience of absolute bliss, Yeah, bliss,
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: just tranquility, just like no, you know, there was no
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: like light. There was no you know, there was no
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: crawling out of the darkness into some beautiful light or
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: you know, there was none of that, which I wish
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: there was. I'm like, come on, bro, make something nun
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: but for him, But for him, there wasn't. But he
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: can be an anxious person because he's he's because he's
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: an introvert. So there are some situations he doesn't love,
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: but yeah, he is something to the effect of I've
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: never had that feeling before, never, like, never be profound.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 2: Enough to know that it was different. So I used
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: to watch, like during the process when I was writing
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 2: the book, I used to watch on there's this thing
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 2: channel called Coming Home about all these people from right
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: around the world who talk their near death experiences, and
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: it's it's so much that aren't I guess understand. But
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: there's so many similarities that that bliss feeling that people
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: feeling like, you know, time stood still sometimes and I
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: related because I've not had a near death experience, but
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: i have dissociated. I've had all the you know, mental conditions.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: I have dissociated like before when I have you know,
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: kind of risen up out of my own looking down
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: at myself, and I, you know, that's how I would
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 2: think an ND would. But that still doesn't answer who
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: is ringing in my ear?
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: So?
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 2: Did you lose another male in your life?
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Really? Yeah, one of my best afterwards. Yes, I did,
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: so my first ever trainer when I started Harper's. In fact,
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: it's funny you say, so, I have a bracelet. Can
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: you see that bracelet? That's very politically incorrectly called a
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: slave bracelet, right, so it doesn't come off, there's no clasp, right,
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: it's screwed on. Now, my first employee, who I loved
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: like a brother. I'm just gathering myself, folks. So his
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: name was Maddie And anyway, he died when he was
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: twenty four, and he just shouldn't have died obviously, and yeah,
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 1: I yeah, I went in and said goodbye to him,
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: and he was on life support and he was, you know,
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: essentially brainded and he just looked perfect, like he just
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: looked like him, And yeah, that fucked me up. He
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: probably can't tell. Yeah, no, I'm so good at this.
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 1: So I on this bracelet. I have my initials and
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 1: Maddie's initials, And since then, which was nineteen ninety five,
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: this has not come off. So it's been on my
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: risk for thirty one years. It's not come off for
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: one second. So yeah, I still feel a strong connection.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: Probably can't tell.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: So what, And I'm obviously not tuning in and I'm
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: just like shit, you can probably see my eyes were
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: darting around. There's like a dragon fly. I don't even
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: can't I can't turn my computer around. But there's like
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: a drag then just flying around and like looking in
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 2: and I all of these things. I just read as
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: and that he was with you when you went through
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: that experience. He you know, friend, and why you felt
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: so calm the dragon flies back, my phone's off, Otherwise
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 2: I'd take it.
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we we, I mean we So I employed nearly
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: five hundred trainers and he was training one. So he
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 1: was the genus. He was the first other person in
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: my organization, Harpers, the very creatively named Harpers. He was
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: there was me and then him. So we and there
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: was no industry then. There was no personal training industry,
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 1: no course, no qualification, no insurance, and so we were
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: making us up, making it up as we went. We're
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: talking about nineteen eighty nine, nine and ninety, right, And
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: so he was like my little brother. We started work
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: at five point thirty together. We had breakfast together, we
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: had lunch together. We would and he was He and
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: I were quite similarly. It was a way better looking
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: and way more popular. But I'm not even being funny,
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: like literally he had he had long curly hair down
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 1: his back. He looked like a fucking model. I wanted
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 1: to punch him in the face constantly, but because I'm
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 1: insecure and fucking hideous. But you know, but we had
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: a great relationship and I was in no level, no
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: way prepared for that, and yeah, that fucked me up.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 1: So I don't talk about him a lot because I
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: don't want to. But yeah, and it's funny because I've
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: had other people die since, but it doesn't have the
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: still has an impact, but not the same impact. Yeah,
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: so thanks for asking me that.
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 2: Just fuck sorry, fuck? Do you do you feel does
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 2: he just pop into your head? Oh?
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think yes, he pops in And did you.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: Talk to him?
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: So I don't talk to him, but I have a
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: it like this sounds weird, but I feel like there's
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: like it literally feels like he died last week, whereas
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: with other people that's not the case. But it feels
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: like the word that's in my head is proximity, whether
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: that whatever that means.
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 2: But what do you think that means? Why would you
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 2: choose that word.
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: Because he's around, he's around, he's around, I want to know,
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: I guess yeah.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 2: Because that's that's big, right, And that's like I I
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 2: lost my really good girlfriend and she she was into
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 2: any of this stuff, and from the other side, she
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: pushed me into this. Yes, wow, I feel and I talk.
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 2: There's a whole chapter on her. She was such a
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 2: force and when she passed away it rocked me. I
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: had so many people in my life who have passed,
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 2: but she I just never expected to have at her
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 2: and we both had a baby at the same time,
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 2: and it was so unfair that she was taken.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, oh.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: That proximity and that I know that's feeling very well.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, it's so. I mean, there's so much that
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: we don't know, and even you know, like, of course
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not fearless. Of course there's stuff that doesn't scare me.
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 1: It makes me curious, you know, I'm not and there's
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 1: probably a couple of things that freaked me out a
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: little bit. I'm like, la la la la la, don'ta know,
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: I don't want to know, probably a bit of that,
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: But you know, it's it's like me not wanting to
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: know something doesn't mean that there's something's not there, you know,
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: it's not me not wanting to open that door doesn't
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: mean that the thing behind the door doesn't exist. Like
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: I'm just keeping the door shut. And then you go
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: why are you keeping the door shut? What's that about? Well,
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: that's about fear. Yeah, I mean it's all, you know,
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: like most of our issues. When you think about overthinking anxiety,
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: this that avoidance, it comes back to fear of something.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: It's like, fear is the common denominator, you know, and
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: sometimes you like, you know, people, people are scared of
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 1: who they might be if they fucking actually open the
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: door and go for a run through it, you know,
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: or what they might become, or what they might learn.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what I've taken away from this whole experience
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 2: in my life I was running from. I don't even know.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: I was just so full of fear. Fear of being judged,
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 2: fear year of being fear of being outcast, fear of
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 2: being sent to hell.
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: Fear of you know, yes, yes, yes, hey, you're great.
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 1: Your book is exciting. As I said, I'm going to
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: dive into it in about four or eight weeks. I
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: could tell you a lie and everyone a line say,
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: I've read it's fucking amazing. But clearly everyone who's read
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: it is loving it, and it's top of the best
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: sellers and it's crushing it everyone. It's called the weird
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: little girl who talks to ghosts. H. I think you're great.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: I think you're great.
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 2: I think I'm going to go away and you're going
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 2: to have some big moment.
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well maybe maybe I'm equally excited and terrified. So
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: you and your fucking predictions. Just stay to yourself. Keep
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 1: that dragonfly ah, keep that ship under your hat. Chezi. Yeah,
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: all the best with everything. I appreciate your vulnerability and
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: openness and the gift that you are to so many people.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: And keep growing and learning and keep that door wide open.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: And fuck what anyone thinks. And you know, if they're
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: not on board, that's fine. Nobody needs to be on board.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: And we're not trying to recruit anyone to anything. It's
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: just you sharing your truth, your experiences. And I think
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: that's the thing. It's like, I talk about a lot
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: of shit, but I'm not trying to recruit anyone. I'm
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: just going, hey, this is what I think and what
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: I feel and what i've seen. Do with that or
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 1: don't do with that what you will. And I think
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: that's what we're doing today. So where can people get
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 1: the book?
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 2: So book Topia at the moment, it's yeah, it's selling
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 2: out pretty quickly, so do you have Yeah, they do
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 2: have copies, so if you head to book topiare online
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 2: and look for the Weird little Girl who talked to
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 2: go the world's longest title.
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: But anyway, I like the way it's done because it
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 1: just says the weird little girl and it's almost like
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: and in smaller writing, so it looks great. And I
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: love that photo. That photo my.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: Holy Communion and I turned up in a pink dress
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 2: and I wish I could find the group photo because
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 2: everybody else was in white Brides of Jesus and I
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 2: was there pink, again, highlighting that I was different.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: Well, I remember my first communion. I was a little fat,
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: chubby fuck and it's like there's all these skinny kids
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: and Jumbo in the middle.
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 2: Oh my.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: But anyway, we had a time. I will say goodbye
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: fair but for the minute, congrats. I hope it goes great,
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: and keep being you because this version of you is fantastic.
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: Thanks Chez, thank you.