Latest / DidiLawren / International Students - Believe In Yourself, Don’t Fall Victim To Paper-Pregnancy Fraud

Transcript

International Students - Believe In Yourself, Don’t Fall Victim To Paper-Pregnancy Fraud · DidiLawren

• 0:32
  Hello and welcome back to another episode of Banta.
• 0:34
  Dorothea on the Lauren TV channel that celebrates ordinary
• 0:39
  people doing extraordinary things.
• 0:41
  So please subscribe, like, share and also click on an education
• 0:45
  Bill to get notified every time I post new content.
• 0:49
  So for today's episode, I want to talk about the importance of
• 0:54
  having self-confidence, the importance of believing in
• 0:57
  yourself, especially for young, ladies.
• 1:00
  Traveling out to study abroad who talked about this today,
• 1:04
  because I ran into a friend who I met over 10 years ago when we
• 1:08
  came in to study at that time. We were all trying to survive.
• 1:13
  We're trying to get menial jobs just to pay evil normal both
• 1:18
  bars, pay your rent and all of that.
• 1:21
  So it wasn't even about to want to get money to like, flax a
• 1:26
  spa. We are now a broad audience but
• 1:29
  But maybe on my part. I was just trying to survive.
• 1:34
  I got jobs, you know, cleaning jobs.
• 1:37
  These are mostly early molding jobs where I literally wake up
• 1:42
  around 3:30 to shower, because, listen, I can't leave my husband
• 1:48
  without showering. You get that 5:00 to walk from
• 1:51
  five to seven thirty. So, this is just two and a half
• 1:55
  hours work where you start from 3:30.
• 1:58
  And after the job, To take another balls.
• 2:01
  So we finish 7:30 and after come back around 8:30, just for two
• 2:07
  and half our job. And I was happy doing this this
• 2:10
  because at least he was helping me out, giving me some money, in
• 2:14
  my pockets, were talking about minimum wage of about seven
• 2:18
  pounds 20. And even at that, that was like,
• 2:21
  the highest they were pain. We're talking about 2009 2010.
• 2:26
  So it was like, the highest monthly peanut that point in
• 2:29
  time. I was happy to do it and she was
• 2:32
  like, no, you know, how can she wake up three times?
• 2:35
  I said, well, if you don't shower, you can wake up fat of,
• 2:39
  depending on, you know, she was even living closer to the place.
• 2:43
  She told me about this guy that she met that the guy promised
• 2:46
  her that when she's going to move in with him and she would
• 2:50
  do need to worry about rent. She don't need to worry about
• 2:53
  bills that he's going to give her money for her boss paths and
• 2:57
  upkeep that and here. Was from hot area.
• 3:01
  I don't even want to mention that the area.
• 3:04
  Well, she was happy to do that because he is from ha part of
• 3:09
  the you know, country and she felt her parents.
• 3:12
  They're not going to have any objection to the fact that she's
• 3:15
  dating somebody from there. I mean, she just got into the
• 3:19
  country, wasn't even up to three months and she was making all
• 3:23
  these arrangements. And I was thinking, I'm
• 3:25
  thinking, nah, I don't want to. I think come here, too.
• 3:29
  To, to get married. I mean, you don't want them to
• 3:33
  get married. I would have stayed in Niger.
• 3:35
  I guess, you do get a husband who's going to basically sponsor
• 3:40
  me to the UK. So it's like, no, this is not
• 3:42
  for me. I am happy for you.
• 3:44
  So I went to visit her once and very happy together.
• 3:50
  She, by this time, she was living with the guy and he was
• 3:54
  young, you know, design to young people.
• 3:58
  But yes. Can in construction, he was any
• 4:01
  money. He was living in a very
• 4:04
  comfortable accommodation. And at that point in time.
• 4:08
  That was like your boo. Boo.
• 4:09
  Boo life, you know, we are student.
• 4:12
  We were sharing rooms sharing, you know, house and everybody
• 4:16
  had like their own rooms and there was no privacy.
• 4:19
  So she felt okay. This guy is more established.
• 4:23
  She's happy to move in with him. I was happy for them and full.
• 4:27
  Somehow, we kind of lost. Contacts, because I was very
• 4:32
  busy. I asked some point.
• 4:34
  I had like three jobs that was doing just to keep up and she
• 4:39
  try to introduce me to a friend or her boyfriend at that point
• 4:44
  and I'm like, nah, I don't, I didn't like him.
• 4:49
  Maybe if I had liked him, maybe it would have been a different
• 4:53
  story, but I think I just didn't like the guy.
• 4:55
  So I'm like, no, thank you. I am not interested.
• 4:58
  So, few months later she called Me and she was like, oh, are you
• 5:02
  free this weekend. I was working that weekend.
• 5:04
  So I told her I won't be able to make it because I work, I work
• 5:08
  weekends and she was like, okay, that whenever I have time that
• 5:14
  she would like to see me so that day I went to work and there was
• 5:19
  kind of a bit of double booking and I had to go home.
• 5:23
  So I called her and I was like, okay, I'm just coming back from
• 5:27
  work. Would you are you free?
• 5:29
  And she said, I'd yes. So we met at a cafe, and when I
• 5:33
  got to see how she was pregnant, I was so happy for her.
• 5:36
  Like, how about school? And she said, oh, she's
• 5:38
  pregnant. She had to leave school because
• 5:41
  the pregnancy is not easy on hand.
• 5:42
  Me. This is a very young, girl, her
• 5:44
  first pregnancy. And I don't even know what she
• 5:47
  was going through at that point. For she said, she couldn't
• 5:50
  combine the pregnancy and school.
• 5:54
  So I was like, okay as long as your husband is taking very good
• 5:57
  care of you. That's fine.
• 5:59
  And that was how, you know, I thought everything was okay.
• 6:04
  I moved from the area that I was to a different place.
• 6:07
  So somehow we kind of just lost contact or lost Storch of each
• 6:12
  other. And yesterday, a picture popped
• 6:21
  up. You know how Facebook reminds
• 6:23
  you like, you know, this is memories or Facebook and I saw
• 6:29
  her picture. And I'm like, oh my God, I have
• 6:32
  totally forgotten about, you know, this lady.
• 6:35
  So I quickly sent her a message and was like, hi.
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  How are you? How's has a husband, has the
• 6:41
  family? You will not believe it.
• 6:48
  What I heard yesterday was it was heartbreaking because I
• 6:53
  couldn't actually even know how to start.
• 6:58
  She was asking me how I was I mean, I said, well, I finished
• 7:02
  my studies. That I've done my Master's, I am
• 7:05
  working. I moved out of that place, you
• 7:08
  know, move and moved into a better place right now.
• 7:11
  You just general giving her a break down off my life.
• 7:17
  Basically. And she was quiet for some time
• 7:21
  and I was wondering like what's happening?
• 7:26
  And she was like, wow, I am. So happy for you.
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  I wish I had the drive that you had.
• 7:33
  I wished I had just, you know, did those early mornings that
• 7:36
  you were doing working the weekends, they were doing and I
• 7:39
  was like, excuse me. You were married, you had
• 7:43
  pregnant the last time I saw you.
• 7:45
  You were a very happy Lee married lady your husband was
• 7:49
  doing very fine. And she said I said at this
• 7:55
  point I was confused because I was thinking did something
• 7:59
  happens at all. Spend like what could what could
• 8:02
  be the problem. So and I do want to push her
• 8:05
  because you know, sometimes people may not be willing to
• 8:09
  open up to you and tell you certain things.
• 8:12
  So I was very careful not to kind of ask too many questions
• 8:17
  and I was like, okay, how is your child is a boy or a girl?
• 8:22
  And she said well, it's a boy. I am very happy.
• 8:27
  He is my joy is my pride. I'd and she said the only thing
• 8:31
  that she she regret was the fact that she did not.
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  She came into this concussion. She did not even finish her
• 8:41
  studies. She told me that the guy
• 8:45
  promised her everything after marriage.
• 8:48
  You know, she got pregnant that after that baby.
• 8:50
  She was going to go back to school, do whatever she.
• 8:55
  So I was like, what is happening?
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  I thought after your child, you're going to go.
• 8:59
  To school. And how is your husband lesson?
• 9:03
  We'll start from there. How is your husband?
• 9:06
  And she said, wow, to be honest with you were never married.
• 9:12
  I just want that was scratching my head.
• 9:14
  I was like you told me he paid your back price.
• 9:18
  You told me you married him. I said, why did you even do it?
• 9:23
  And she said, to be honest. She was looking at me waiting on
• 9:27
  3:30 in the morning. She looked at my face.
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  I was literally suffering. She said, I'm not good at that
• 9:37
  point. She thought I was just suffering
• 9:40
  myself. Like she said, oh she's a fine
• 9:43
  girl. She don't want to put herself
• 9:45
  through that stress. So she decided to get a
• 9:48
  boyfriend and the guy agreeing to accommodate her and so she'd
• 9:55
  felt. Okay since he is accommodating
• 9:58
  me. I wouldn't have to work you
• 10:01
  unnecessary job just to pay rent or just to pay bills.
• 10:05
  So since he is accommodating her and his pain had built, she was
• 10:09
  happy to live. With him that along the line,
• 10:13
  she fell pregnant. And that was how she abandoned
• 10:17
  her education. They said she regretted all
• 10:19
  that. And if the only thing, she would
• 10:21
  tell her younger self is regardless of how difficult to
• 10:25
  tease that she will just should have gone through all those
• 10:28
  things. She is no longer with the guy.
• 10:31
  Apparently, the guy does not even have because she was
• 10:35
  leaning on him thinking. OK, from her pregnancy.
• 10:39
  She's going to get her papers. As and sought out every
• 10:43
  adapting, it turned out that the guy does not even have papers.
• 10:48
  Oh my god. The guy doesn't even have
• 10:50
  papers. So she got pregnant had a child.
• 10:53
  There was no papers and that she just, she have to struggle.
• 10:58
  She had to know get pregnant for somebody else.
• 11:01
  That confirmed that she confirmed had his papers.
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  Who now, she has like two children.
• 11:07
  She's not married to the person, but she has two children and And
• 11:11
  the second child gave up papers. So she is now legal but we two
• 11:16
  children right now. She cannot go back to school.
• 11:18
  So she's just doing you menial jobs, trying to survive decided
• 11:23
  to talk about this today because we have a whole lot of young.
• 11:26
  Ladies, traveling out to go to school to study abroad.
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  And one of the things that they don't factor into all these
• 11:34
  things is yes, your parents can pay your school fees here.
• 11:37
  They can help you out what's changed?
• 11:41
  You money from Nigeria to pounce, is a different story.
• 11:44
  So you can get abroad or get where you're going to study and
• 11:49
  you have to fend for yourself. Even if you have not been
• 11:53
  fending for yourself back home. There is a 90% chance that once
• 11:58
  you get here, you're going to start fending for yourself.
• 12:01
  Don't take the easier option. Don't think.
• 12:03
  Okay. I need to get a boyfriend to, to
• 12:06
  live with a person and share bills so that I can, you know,
• 12:11
  Reduce the cost of living or reduce suffering because all
• 12:16
  they currently suffering, it's not suffering.
• 12:18
  If you have to take responsibility for yourself.
• 12:23
  Regardless of, I'm saying we did early morning cleaning with
• 12:26
  clean offices. We can in toilets at that point
• 12:29
  and time just to survive and she looked at those jobs as
• 12:33
  suffering. She didn't want to do them.
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  Any young lady days traveling, just have it.
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  Be prepared mentally at the back of your mind.
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  Stop. You're going to come here.
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  And you're going to do everything.
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  You're going to believe you. First of all, you're going to
• 12:46
  believe in yourself. You're going to tell yourself
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  that, regardless of what I'm going to face.
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  I am going to work hard and succeed.
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  I don't know saying if you come here and meet somebody that is
• 12:58
  you love and that person loves you and he's a good person.
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  You can meet a person, you get married to them and everything
• 13:06
  work out for you, but don't just jump into it.
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  Relationship. Just because the cost of living
• 13:13
  is high. Don't jump into a relationship
• 13:16
  because you think, okay. This person is British.
• 13:19
  And once I have a child for him, people lie people lie, because
• 13:25
  in this girl situation, she was thinking okay.
• 13:27
  I've met somebody that is going to help me out.
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  I don't need to suffer. I don't need to go through all
• 13:34
  this hard Road. I just need to it is soft
• 13:39
  Landing for me, too. Just leave sex life and it
• 13:46
  turned out that the guy didn't even have his papers regardless
• 13:49
  of how hard you think things are getting look for ways to to show
• 13:56
  that your responsibilities by yourself for yourself.
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  Idiot. Why it gets why one day you're
• 14:04
  going to. Thank you.
• 14:05
  So for doing those things, one day you're going to Commerce on.
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  You're going to tell your stories.
• 14:11
  One day, you're going to come up and you're not going to take
• 14:13
  anything from anybody just because they want to help you
• 14:17
  pay bills just because they want to help you pay rent.
• 14:20
  Cut your course according to your cloth live within your
• 14:23
  means. Don't think just because this
• 14:27
  person is offering to give me transport fare or boss pass,
• 14:33
  because very little students in it was boss past.
• 14:36
  So don't think because somebody's offering to pay your
• 14:39
  bus pass only monkey. Basis.
• 14:42
  Attach yourself to that person. Don't just take because somebody
• 14:45
  told you the a British citizens and you did not confirm and you
• 14:51
  just get pregnant for that person.
• 14:53
  Just because you think your child is going to give you,
• 14:56
  citizenship people have if you, there are so many stories of
• 15:02
  young ladies who are pregnant and it goes talk, there is no
• 15:07
  easy route. You have to go through certain
• 15:10
  processes. Or you to come out the other end
• 15:13
  successful. And having that experience is
• 15:17
  vital, that experience know, the kind of people, you surround
• 15:20
  yourself with seek information, don't seek easy process.
• 15:27
  I shop at, you know, the whole process and then you pick the
• 15:30
  one that suits. You always tell your fiends are
• 15:33
  suits you. Because at the end of the day,
• 15:35
  there are so many rules to doing things for you.
• 15:38
  Have to tailor based on your budget based on.
• 15:41
  Your risk capacity because at the end of the day, you have to
• 15:45
  determine the kind of risk that you're going to take.
• 15:48
  So if now you're taking you decide to take the risk of
• 15:51
  attaching yourself to somebody that you think is going to help
• 15:55
  you out especially in man, that is going to help you and take
• 16:00
  hold to cover all your responsibilities.
• 16:03
  The risk. There is just like this lady.
• 16:06
  You might find out that this person does not even have papers
• 16:10
  in might be. Pregnant for that person.
• 16:12
  And you realize your Indigo your child is illegal because UK is
• 16:17
  not like do us whereby when you have a child that child
• 16:21
  automatically becomes a citizen in the UK is not like that.
• 16:25
  If you don't have your papers and the father of your child,
• 16:28
  don't have papers you, all of you will become illegal in that
• 16:32
  country to Nettles, try and seek information and show that, you
• 16:38
  know what? You're getting yourself into.
• 16:40
  Yes, in my look. You're so free.
• 16:41
  My look like you your new the world.
• 16:44
  The whole world is against you. But once you go through that
• 16:48
  process you will thank yourself later.
• 16:51
  You would thank her younger self or injury of those processes.
• 16:54
  You have to be intentional about everything you're doing.
• 16:58
  If you're going to date, somebody that does not have
• 17:00
  paper when you know that, you have to struggle to ensure that
• 17:05
  you yourself is, right? So that you can then help that
• 17:08
  person but sometimes people that Had to come and tell you.
• 17:12
  Oh, I have people, I have more my documents.
• 17:14
  I am British. I'm not, there.
• 17:16
  I am this, I am that. These people are lying.
• 17:19
  Most of most of them are lying. Most of them would lie to you,
• 17:23
  just to get you in certain situations.
• 17:26
  There are a lot of people who get the ladies pregnant's, just
• 17:30
  because they know that's okay. I want to have a child.
• 17:33
  See International students are praised.
• 17:36
  They are produced. Especially those die here,
• 17:39
  ready. They are like Jumping on them
• 17:42
  because they know that these people are vulnerable because
• 17:44
  they know that, okay, they don't know the system, or they don't
• 17:49
  have all the information or your way.
• 17:51
  You just get here, regardless of how much you brought from
• 17:55
  Nigeria, or from wherever you're coming from.
• 17:58
  Once we change it to pounce, you realize that you don't have
• 18:01
  money. So at this point, a lot of
• 18:04
  international students, female students are very vulnerable at
• 18:07
  this point, and people pray on that.
• 18:11
  My advice is be very intentional.
• 18:15
  I'm not saying don't follow Man. Follow man, who bought be very
• 18:19
  intentional about, why you are doing that alone.
• 18:23
  Leave your school for anybody. Your parents, pay your school
• 18:26
  fees to one study. Don't just leave because you
• 18:30
  found a man that was just use our heads.
• 18:33
  Let us try every International students that is currently
• 18:37
  making application trying to travel to You're thinking hot
• 18:42
  on. Don't be deceived.
• 18:44
  Don't let any abroad yawns deceive you.
• 18:47
  That's okay. Let's get married.
• 18:49
  You don't need your studies. You don't need to go to school.
• 18:52
  I will just accommodate you. Once you get your papers.
• 18:56
  You can just relax and then go back to school later.
• 19:00
  Don't listen to anybody. This will give all to deceive
• 19:04
  them. Looking forward to deceive.
• 19:06
  Follow your goals, fully objectives.
• 19:09
  And even if you're going, To do man, and study parallel before
• 19:15
  you, you have your priorities right set, your priorities
• 19:19
  streets and do what you have to do, do what you have to do
• 19:23
  because at the end of the day, people have different
• 19:25
  experiences. People have different reasons
• 19:29
  why they travel. If one of the reasons why you
• 19:31
  travel is to find a man in a broad.
• 19:34
  Well, so as soon as you get here, get that man and get on
• 19:39
  with your life or If your objective, the primary objective
• 19:44
  is actually come here and study your priorities.
• 19:49
  Make sure that your priorities are straight.
• 19:52
  That is all I have to say today, please, please, I'm pleased.
• 19:55
  And please, if you achieve your young lady, traveling abroad and
• 19:59
  show that you have the right information and show that you
• 20:02
  speak to people that can advise you on what to do.
• 20:05
  Don't just go and get pregnant for somebody because you want to
• 20:07
  get papers. There are ways around it.
• 20:10
  You don't have to I'm pregnant for nobody.
• 20:12
  You can't even get pregnant for that person.
• 20:14
  And then you realize that that person doesn't even have papers.
• 20:17
  So what do you do at that point? So let us seek information.
• 20:22
  Information is power, information is key.
• 20:25
  And don't speak easy way out. Don't just think.
• 20:29
  Okay. I just need, I am here now.
• 20:32
  I just need somebody to. It is not like a gyro.
• 20:35
  It's not Angela that women are sitting down, and may not taking
• 20:38
  care of them. It is not like that.
• 20:40
  You Have to work for what you want walk for read.
• 20:43
  So thank you very much for watching today's episode.
• 20:46
  Please like like, like and share, bye-bye.