Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / DHARIUS DANIELS: “Your Spouse Can’t Heal You” (Healing, Heartbreak & Turning Points)

Transcript

DHARIUS DANIELS: “Your Spouse Can’t Heal You” (Healing, Heartbreak & Turning Points) · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: Next, on the Love You More Show.
• 0:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: How was Jamaica Dan years your wife?
• 0:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: How was she instrumental in that 2014 season?
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: Where you can't really think.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I won't, I won't wives of hearing me with this.
• 0:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: She wasn't very instrumental in the healing process.
• 0:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: She was instrumental in creating an environment where I could heal.
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: She couldn't fix.
• 0:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: My brokenness started before I met her.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: No matter how much she loved me, she couldn't.
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: She didn't break it.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: She couldn't heal it.
• 0:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: But what she could do was provide an environment where I didn't feel judged or immaculate it for being human.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Created an environment where I didn't feel like her view of me was based on our financial status.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I never felt like I got to get it because she want to have it.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: She never put that pressure on me.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's why right now she get what I'm seeing.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: And the family it is, the love you more show.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_10]: You're nephew Willie Mo Jr. here saying thank you.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: Over 200,000 subscribers already, and I tell you what it feel like we just getting started.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_10]: Let me tell you something.
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_10]: I feel so good right here in my shower, no.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: Huh?
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: The moment that I looked on YouTube and we went over 200,000 subscribers and less than 10 months, I knew that in the guy was doing something.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: So shout out to you.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_10]: So do me a favor before we even get started.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_10]: I want to challenge you to just click that little subscribe
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_10]: Ain't no need to just be looking huh you need to be a part of this amazing opportunity because I promise you two things Number one you're gonna have some food and secondly you're gonna be enlightened the gentleman that I'm hanging out with today It's my girmry counties find this you don't know what it is.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_10]: I know, but see my family is actually from Mississippi.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_10]: My dad's from Knox and Pader You don't know what that is.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_10]: Maybe Starkville you heard Mississippi State
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_10]: Good.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: Why not?
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: Don't ring a bell.
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: Well, I know you won't know what kill Michael is, but guess what, I do, because I went to the University of Mississippi.
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: Now, when you look on the internet and you think of wisdom, I'm sure you think of the gentleman that we're going to speak to today.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_10]: I tell you, I have watched for the last year and a half and I ain't going to lie to you.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_10]: I was on the road and of course I was going through the worst at the time.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: Didn't nobody knows when it was quiet, just real quiet for a guy real crazy on social media.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I ended up watching a video and I said, I think I got that brother number and I had to text him, I said, but you touched me today, you know, because usually when the pastor got too many muscles, you know what I'm saying when he gets like, he got muscles like this right here.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'd be like, Brian, for initially, you ain't spending time with God.
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_10]: You lose a rig note.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know what I mean?
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_10]: And so,
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_10]: but the anointing was so strong and I was so grateful that I had the opportunity to even have his number to share how much his message helped me so much.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: He's the pastor of change church.
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_10]: He's an entrepreneur guru and as I stated before, my gun recounting is finest.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: The one and only pastor Darius Darius is in the build.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_10]: What up, champ?
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: What's up, my God?
• 3:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: Man, thank you for having me.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Super excited to be here.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: And man, grateful for what you're doing.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: This conversation is that you're having and touching people in a unique way.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, one of the modules I think I'm carrying in this season, if you're going to be all you've been created to be, you've got to know God is enough, but Sunday is not.
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: So what I love what you're doing in terms of supplementing and filling in these gaps and having some necessary conversations, man.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_10]: Man, man, this is such an honor and privilege.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, I was asking the Lord, I said, not least, he can talk about anything.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_10]: I mean, he can go relationship.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: I mean, you kind of that guy that is almost like a guide, mean you on TV, it'd be like, okay, which one you want.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: Let's talk finance to see the problem is, you ain't got no culture, huh?
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, in 2014, I was, what about relationships?
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: Well, Ben Mary, what about family?
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: And you begin to speak about your father.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_10]: But today, I wanna talk to you about something that I believe is gonna be so beneficial for the other people on the other side of this camera.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because right now, there are so many people in this.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_10]: And in order to find out what this is, I wanna do a small icebreaker.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_10]: Bring your attention to the screen.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_10]: Check this out.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know when I left that church my life had changed forever.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_10]: I realized that moments quickly become memories.
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_10]: So it's important that you spend great moments with your loved ones because you just don't never know Speaking of loved ones, I was getting picked up by one of my favorite but not so favorite uncles Uncle G. I mean he owes school driver Cadillac had to the back and he not need to sit up, but he's still a good guy.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_10]: He's sometimes joked too quick, but the truth is, he's exactly what I need to do in this time to bring me back to Earth.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: He walks up, and he says...
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: You are right, sir.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm like it's tough.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: He can tell you.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_10]: I know it, but it's a part of life He says don't worry about a thing.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_10]: He's in a better place.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_10]: That's true.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, I'm crazy, right?
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: I don't know why they say in a better place.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_10]: He in a box But you know, you see I got your laughing already laughter is healing for the soul.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_10]: No matter what it did laugh at all Keep laughing you're like no matter what you do.
• 5:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: Okay, now get your punk ass in the car
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_10]: What?
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_10]: Good jazz in the car, Junior.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_10]: Why?
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_10]: Say a lot of people don't understand again, right?
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_10]: And it's no stability in this doll.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_10]: Why are you living off for him?
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_10]: It's a dream, you ever said.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_10]: And people don't mind your music.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_08]: If you don't eat, that's all.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_08]: If you do get half ways, I'm telling you.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_08]: I'll tell you all the real.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_08]: Promise that times I'm gonna break down No one loves you, it's me This time I'm going up and going back down If you believe, you'll do what you believe Taking private bookcourses, times getting harder Do what we gotta do in the feet I saw us in orders You weren't able to survive Then you got your world You just told me to claim it And I saw what I done Living in my steady skin
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_08]: I'm getting everything I want.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_10]: The name of the song is turning point.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_10]: It's available now, wherever you stream music.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: And as a dad's dad, he said, I want to talk to you about turning points today, man.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_10]: OK. You know, I think I got a question now.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: Go ahead.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: You didn't hit me by being in the video.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I could have like you know, I could have I could have spoke a little something at the beginning of some.
• 7:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: I mean, I can't hold a note, but you know, you heard it here first next video featuring.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_10]: No, but listen, I we're going to do some.
• 7:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: Okay, we got to do something.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: It's a missing thing here, but I do want to talk to you a little bit about that because
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_10]: You've had a very unique journey and I think a lot of people see the glory, but they don't necessarily understand the story.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like I've seen you hop on platforms and it's almost as if you get an opportunity to just hear the wisdom, but a lot of people don't necessarily understand the journey.
• 7:49
  [SPEAKER_10]: Now here go the thing, I was planning to begin and talk about Kiel Michael and why none of I want to tell you I'm proud of you because it ain't got to be, I promise you I'll see five
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: And not to pay the high, I think my cousin had 41 people in his senior clay.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: How many people's senior clay?
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like 32.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yes, they're what I'm trying to say.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: This is a small town.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, different.
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_10]: How how did one from kill Michael become like what see was planted in you to say, man, life could be so much
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, obviously there's a God factor, which is the most important one.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't want to emphasize that because you know how some people like, it's a God.
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: Of course it's God.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: But you answered a question because you want to know like, besides God.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because I believe it.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, right.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_10]: They've been killed, Mike.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_10]: I know God visited everywhere, but he'll Michael.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: 100% like what did God use in kill Michael for you to become this version of self to be the name of people Timothy Daniels your father.
• 9:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: My dad.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I It's the weirdest thing, but I learned from my dad the power words because one of the things that he did even though you know, being from Kim Michael, you
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, I got a stop light down.
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't we don't have a stop.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: Let's stop.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: Sorry.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: We got stop signs.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: We don't have a stop light.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now remember we only got one police officer.
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, well, one full time police officer.
• 9:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Then the part time police officer.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: He drove my school bus in the day.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: He covered the night shift on the this no exaggeration.
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm telling you why don't I know you already know you already know yes So it's like yo, he drove the school bus during the day and then he covered the night ship at the police station and night But no for it was it's it's it's the weirdest thing when my dad was speaking to me.
• 9:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: I heard but I saw I heard but I saw he'd like hey you could do anything
• 10:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: I heard it, but I saw it, and then when there will be people around, I remember this one occasion where somebody in my family, at one point I think about going to Morehouse, and I was talking about school or whatever, and I had said, I think I'm going to go to Morehouse, et cetera.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: And if somebody in my family,
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: said, well, you can't go to a more house.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Those out-of-state fees, just at any other, they're never going to accept you coming from this school.
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: My dad didn't wait until they got outside my presence to check him.
• 10:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: He checked him immediately and publicly.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: And he said, don't ever tell him what he can't do.
• 10:37
  [UNKNOWN]: Wow.
• 10:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then said to me, you can do whatever you want.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so, you know, I think sometimes we can just kind of underestimate really the power words.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so, my dad spoke so much in me that I saw myself beyond kill Michael Mississippi.
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so, I saw, and I'm going to say and I saw everything that I've experienced.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: I saw some things before I saw some things.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you know what I mean, I do it.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: So a hundred percent I would say the greatest instrument my dad.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: The greatest instrument God used was my dad
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: So you and Keel Michael shot to your father, too.
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_10]: So it's your day of pastor.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's a pastor.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's a pastor.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's still pastor's now.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's a bavocational pastor.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 11:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: So welder during the day.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: So he will weld in a factory all day.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Come home, change, and then do pastor ministry in the evening.
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I feel like I picked up my work ethic from here.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, so same with me like my dad X-Sharecropper.
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_10]: So he wasn't a pastor Yeah, but he's a he was he worked as a housekeeper So I was in work 16 hours a day So when people see my work ethic besides them last three years when I was just like almost about to lose my mind Yeah, like people see the work ethic and anybody man.
• 11:53
  [SPEAKER_10]: How can you get up instead just that in the other and then I'm like well That's all I actually saw.
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah
• 12:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: So can we talk to just men today who may not have the opportunity to have the type of examples that we've seen as it pertains to hard work and they're kind of winging it and to the truth is every turning point is hard.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: It's very unique but it's even harder when you didn't have some tangible example of what manhood could possibly be.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_10]: What do you say to a person right now who says listen I'm trying to be the best father I'm trying to be the best husband I don't want to keep
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I think the first thing I would say is this, and this is probably like more of the, I don't know how nurturing this is going to sound or how pastoral this is going to sound.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's probably going to sound like a coach and so free.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so the first thing that I would say to that man is, hey, the only difference between me is we had a different set of problems.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: Nobody has problem free life and even when you evolve and elevate in life, all you do is exchange problems.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's it, this is no such thing as a problem for your life.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's no such thing as life that's not hard, right?
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: We all just get dealt a different deck of hearts.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: So what I would say is there are some things that I might have got.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's say like work ethic by default, because I was exposed to it.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now, you got to make a choice.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: Whether or not you're going to go without it because you didn't get it by default.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because it's some stuff I didn't get by default.
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: I had to get by design.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: So if I didn't get it organically,
• 13:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: So, part of, for me, part of what means to be a man is seeking the resources that I need.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: You use the word wisdom earlier.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, instead of just chasing wealth,
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: You got Chase Wisdom, like Chase Wisdom, the way you chase well.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so maybe the example that you wanted didn't come in the form of your father.
• 13:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: But there is somebody out there that's modeling where you're trying to get to.
• 13:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you can glean from that person even if it's out of distance.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Here's something I share with people a lot of times who didn't grow up with a father like my.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I don't try to put myself in their shoes.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know what that's like.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: right so I don't try to dismiss their pain, but being a person of faith that here's what I do say, I say, yo, because God's sovereign, he didn't, he didn't cause that, right?
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: Your, your, your dad, whatever circumstances, creating his absence, here's what I said though, maybe God will rather you deal with the pain of his absence than the consequence of his presence.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: You feel when I'm saying something like, maybe if he was that, what kind of example would you have been, what would you have picked up and what would you have to undo and unlearn how much would that have cost you?
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: So my thing is like, yo, you may not be able to get it.
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: and you may not have got it from a natural father, but there are men that exist, that are modeling what you need.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: You got to pursue that, you got to glean from those, and you cannot be picky when it comes to the people that God uses to help you become a better version of yourself.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_10]: You can't be picky.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: I love that.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: We need to put that on some.
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: They look like a t-shirt.
• 15:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: You
• 15:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: I've got to ask you this man, you know, it's so funny you say that because I finally had the opportunity in 2020 meet my biological family.
• 15:19
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like I never met anybody in my biological family.
• 15:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: I always tell people all these years I've been traveling and if I go to Mexico, Africa, it don't matter where I go because I never met anybody in my family.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_10]: I was like, man.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_10]: This might be my family over here.
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_10]: Mexico, because you know I had good hair back in the day before we were involved.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_10]: Well, I had children come on somebody.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_10]: And then when I made it to Africa, when I finally made it to Africa, because I went to Ethiopia, everybody over there looked like my cousin.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_04]: Wow.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_10]: Coming to find out we was right over here.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_10]: We was in West Africa where my real family was, but I met my dad and my dad began to cry when he met me.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_10]: and he began to apologize.
• 15:57
  [SPEAKER_10]: And for somebody that was so good, but for me, I was like, no apology necessary.
• 16:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: He was like, if I would have knew I just didn't know, there was you exist, I didn't know.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: He said, I would have been, I would have been a father, I said, pop.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_10]: I already got a father, he's the best man I ever made.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I look at some of the habits that my biological father has endured, and doesn't make him a bad person, but I seen the seeds that were planted in me.
• 16:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: I said I don't want to play with that thing because I believe this that everybody can get saved, like if, you know, I believe in Jesus, he can save you, however, I believe
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_10]: So right now as we look at the state of men in relationship, since this is all about love and heartbreak and overcoming and becoming victorious, what is the proper way for a man and your rightful opinion to deal with heartbreak?
• 16:55
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because we deal with a lot as it pertains to women, but when it becomes men, sometimes it's just too much to drop that guard to say, hey, I'm hurting.
• 17:04
  [SPEAKER_10]: So what do you think is the best first step for a man who may be suffering
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think the first, the first, you know, you mentioned a word deliverance.
• 17:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: The first phase of deliverance from anything is deliverance from deception.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think men simply need to admit first of all that I'm actually hurt and that it's going to take some intentionality for me to actually heal in a healthy way.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's this term has been floating around in my head unhealthy healing.
• 17:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I got it from, so for example, one day me and my dad was, I was probably 13, we were playing on.
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: So even to this day, if you look at one of my dad's like, pinky finger on his right hand, I think, right or left, it won't extend all the way up.
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's like this, you can't move it.
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because one day when we were playing basketball in the backyard, I think I was like 13, 14.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Um, I was trying to spike the ball down and something on a rebound and boom, I heard it.
• 18:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Pops, never go to the, you got me?
• 18:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Pops, never go to the doctor.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Pops is like, oh, it's just jammed.
• 18:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's minimizing his injury because he can handle the pain.
• 18:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's assuming he doesn't need to address it, because the pain is
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's not getting assistance for it.
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: So what ends up happening is, over time, it heals, but it doesn't heal properly.
• 18:53
  [SPEAKER_10]: It was only when it healed that he realized it was actually broken and when he went to the doctor Dr. Katrina Pope killed Michael business Come on, and I know you probably know where she stayed You're killed Michael I ain't trying to talk about what he from but just know where you from You're not adopted Then I'll just pull up in the What the hell Hey, you know, look there.
• 19:15
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah Yeah, I think it's a joke because y'all in these big cities.
• 19:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: I love kill Michael Mississippi Yeah, oh, yeah
• 19:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: But no, long story short is he goes to her and she says in order to fix this.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got to break it again And he says
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm cool, so it healed, but it was an improper healing.
• 19:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: So the pain isn't present anymore, but his potential with that finger is kind of limited.
• 19:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: So what I would say to a man is, hey, I want you to think about this example, I just gave when my dad's finger.
• 19:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you don't learn from his experience, your heart's gonna look like his finger.
• 20:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: So you're going to hit a season where you can use it, but you won't be able to use it.
• 20:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: in a way that's consistent with this potential because they healed and it healed in the improper way.
• 20:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Does that make sense?
• 20:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think I don't know, I don't know, it's like my thought.
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: What I'm trying to say is, I think sometimes people think they, okay, healing is the absence of pain.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's not the same thing.
• 20:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's almost like people stop working when they stop hurting.
• 20:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: And what I'm saying is, man, listen, if your heart has been broken,
• 20:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's going to be a time where it hurts less.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: But if you aren't intentional about healing properly, it's going to work less in the future.
• 20:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so the first thing I would say is like, yo, admit, not only does this hurt, but I got to be intentional in making sure it heals right.
• 21:02
  [SPEAKER_10]: Profile.
• 21:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: I see that every man has areas and every woman has areas that may not have been healed correctly 100% all of us do like everybody has those moments.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: The question becomes because I see you and you.
• 21:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: You got it, I mean, you got it, it's, you know, some people, some people are knowing it and then it's this it factor too that I believe comes from the Lord, right?
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_10]: By some people just really good preachers, really good orders, really good speakers, but then some people have a strong conviction that it comes from something totally different.
• 21:43
  [SPEAKER_10]: Now some Mandela, he had a strong conviction that put him in jail, so when he spoke it was different.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 21:49
  [SPEAKER_10]: Martin Luther King, when he spoke, we all know that that conviction was just so different.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_10]: You have that same thing, and I don't know necessarily if you know that Could it be that you could be unaware because of an area that may have healed Broken.
• 22:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, or maybe, or maybe not healed at all.
• 22:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I'm saying?
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I'm maybe not healed at all.
• 22:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that's why I think that's why your comment was so profound, especially for people in spiritual space, about salvation instantaneous sanctification, which is transformation, lifetime.
• 22:31
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yes.
• 22:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: So journey.
• 22:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: You can become more moral quickly.
• 22:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: You cannot become more whole quickly.
• 22:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I'm sure you think about that.
• 22:43
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm not going to be a process.
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's going to be a process.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: The triggers.
• 22:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And because sometimes, like, sometimes we're even unaware that we're not as far as we think we are in a healing journey.
• 22:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: It takes you being triggered.
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 22:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's almost like somebody would have X. I'm over them.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Tell me that after you say them.
• 23:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Tell me what you feel after you.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: That's over here.
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: You're running through a test-by.
• 23:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: I won't keep her straight face praise the Lord.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: I know they look for me.
• 23:14
  [SPEAKER_10]: Can't he take this camera off me and put it on him?
• 23:16
  [SPEAKER_10]: Get off of me!
• 23:20
  [SPEAKER_10]: Who's that typo?
• 23:23
  [SPEAKER_10]: Get out of me!
• 23:23
  [SPEAKER_10]: Crazy Lord.
• 23:25
  [SPEAKER_10]: But no, that's all real.
• 23:27
  [SPEAKER_10]: So, you know, just in this time, you know, as we see you from the outside looking in, I'm a side man, this is, you know, this is a beautiful ride.
• 23:37
  [SPEAKER_10]: How do we keep it beautiful without a crash?
• 23:41
  [SPEAKER_10]: And what steps do you take to make sure that those small foxes don't spoil the vibe?
• 23:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know, I can only speak for me.
• 23:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: And one of the things for me is, well, I'll just say this whatever, I think everyone has to come to terms with what success is going to be for you, that's true.
• 24:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: And if we have two definitions of that,
• 24:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: Then the steps I'm going to take and the steps you're going to take are going to be completely different.
• 24:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like what's this saying, don't get to the it's possible to get to the top of the ladder of success and then realize you'd need to get the wrong wall.
• 24:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's like, yo, I did all it is.
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: I gave up all it is.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: I spent all it is.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now finally got what I was sacrificing for and it wasn't even worth it.
• 24:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: So for me, I got blessed with the gift of this is at this point is over 10 years ago.
• 24:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got blessed with the gift of like an experience with burnout.
• 24:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: I call it a gift now.
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: So you got to be careful with what you call the thing when you're in it.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: Kierker Garcia's life is live-forward, but I'm just still a backwards.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: So sometimes you got to get another season and you look back at a previous season and you'll be like, you know, I miss label that.
• 25:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it was a, I will call it a gift then, but it was a gift to me because I had this, I woke up in a basic what I found out later is like, I had an anxiety attack.
• 25:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: No issues with anxiety, anything like that that happened in October 2014.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 25:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I was a greatest gift to me.
• 25:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because it calls me bro, when you feel like you're about to lose your mind.
• 25:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: all of the stuff people trip about.
• 25:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: All the stuff that you felt like was real major become minor to you.
• 25:29
  [SPEAKER_09]: I don't know it.
• 25:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was great.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_09]: I've been talking about this.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 25:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: It becomes very.
• 25:35
  [SPEAKER_09]: It's a deployment.
• 25:36
  [SPEAKER_09]: I ain't worried about that.
• 25:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: Very minor to you.
• 25:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: So yo, so that that happened to me, man.
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it happened to me by and by everybody else that stand us out was winning.
• 25:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: See it happened to me not because stuff was going wrong.
• 25:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: I had too much going right.
• 25:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Even though it was going right, it was too much.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was in like two building projects.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was finishing up my first book deal.
• 26:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I was the manuscript was doing that and I was doing Dr. O'Work and I was probably traveling about 75 times a year speaking.
• 26:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was doing all of that trying to raise kids, trying to be a husband, trying to be.
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: So all of this is going on, it was too much of the right stuff.
• 26:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: And people were admiring from the outside,
• 26:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: So all I heard was you grinding, you getting it, you killing it.
• 26:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: But then when I was in that bed, and I couldn't get my thoughts together that morning, it was nobody but me and Shemika Daniels.
• 26:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, it was weird because I was being celebrated for something that was actually dysfunctional.
• 26:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: So at that moment, I decided to redefine success on my own terms.
• 26:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: So for me, success is very, very simple.
• 26:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wanna be the man that God's calling me to be.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: We know that.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: So let's get real practical.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I want to do all that is possible for me to do without violating the values that matter most of me.
• 27:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: So when somebody say, you know, how much you're going to do?
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to do as much as I can without violating what matters most of me.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Achievements.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's fruit of dysfunction.
• 27:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, you a grinder.
• 27:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: Pause, bro.
• 27:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why?
• 27:28
  [SPEAKER_09]: Exactly.
• 27:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: No wrong with grinding, but why?
• 27:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: We're just talking about this early.
• 27:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Are you grinding out of call-ness and lead-ness or driven-ness?
• 27:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because whenever you're driven, you're being driven.
• 27:40
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yes.
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm driven.
• 27:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, something driving.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_10]: Something driving.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you got to do the work to figure out what that is.
• 27:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: If it's fear, then you're not a master, bro, you're a slave.
• 27:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't stop.
• 27:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why?
• 27:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: You scared to stop?
• 27:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yes.
• 27:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I just redefined success on my own terms and I'm like, oh y'all can have whatever.
• 28:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: You can have whoever the hottest, whatever you win.
• 28:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not playing the game.
• 28:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going back to 2014.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: I love it.
• 28:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: How was, how was your session make a dance your wife?
• 28:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: How was she instrumental in that 2014 season where you can't really think?
• 28:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wanna say this too.
• 28:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think this applies to, I won't, I won't wives it hear me with this.
• 28:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: She wasn't very instrumental in the healing process.
• 28:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: She was instrumental in creating an environment where I could heal.
• 28:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: She couldn't, she couldn't fix my brokenness started before I met her.
• 28:40
  [SPEAKER_10]: Come on man, that's the viral moment right there.
• 28:42
  [SPEAKER_10]: That hit my heart.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so no matter how much she loved me, she couldn't.
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: She didn't break it, she couldn't heal it, but what she could do was provide an environment where I didn't feel judged or emasculated for being human.
• 29:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: Creating an environment where I didn't feel like her view of me was based on financial status.
• 29:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I never felt like I got to get it.
• 29:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: because she want to have it.
• 29:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: She never put that pressure on me.
• 29:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's why right now, she can get whatever she wants.
• 29:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's why, like, I don't care what nobody's saying.
• 29:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: But that is like, she never put that pressure on me.
• 29:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: So if I would've been like, yo, we through it all at this, she would've been like, well, we through it all at this.
• 29:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I felt like I was with a woman that actually valued me and she saw my value in my identity and not just in my contribution.
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: a man should contribute, but if all you're doing is valuing his contribution, or if you're defining his manhood, by contribution only, then I don't know if you're creating a context for a man to actually heal, because you're putting subliminal pressure on him.
• 30:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: that is actually working against, sometimes some of the internal healing that it actually needs.
• 30:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: So we didn't go broke, we didn't get poor.
• 30:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's not what I'm saying, but she couldn't help me.
• 30:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: But she could provide a context for me to heal what you need.
• 30:14
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 30:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm here.
• 30:16
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 30:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: She could be an ear even when she couldn't empathize.
• 30:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: She could be a, see, nobody know.
• 30:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Nobody, I don't care how much you love somebody.
• 30:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: Love you.
• 30:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's some pressure they can relate to today.
• 30:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: See and you'll see.
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Even if they're your spouse.
• 30:33
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 30:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I feel like she provided to answer a question.
• 30:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like old man said, no, she provided.
• 30:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: She provided a safe place for me to heal.
• 30:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think in turn, she got a better husband on the other side of that.
• 30:50
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah.
• 30:52
  [SPEAKER_10]: So, past this, this is what I know.
• 30:55
  [SPEAKER_10]: I know that with the spotlight for a person like you, who's seemingly seem like an extrovert, but probably is very introverted.
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: Interverted.
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: 100%.
• 31:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: That is like, all right, I did it now, get everybody away, you know what I mean?
• 31:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like, I did what I supposed to do now, get everybody away.
• 31:16
  [SPEAKER_10]: So, what is the,
• 31:19
  [SPEAKER_10]: What is the best way for a person who's starting to see like, man, this thing is growing and growing and growing?
• 31:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: I often see people grow, grow, grow, but they've been on the grind hustling and strategizing for so long that the growth sometimes kills them and it kills their family.
• 31:36
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like, I'd be the first to say, when I first got this nationally syndicated radio show, I was so...
• 31:41
  [SPEAKER_10]: Man, I had never, I mean, you know, we had a level of success in the RB field or we'll have you, but I had never felt so responsible for so many people's lives because they were holding on to every single word.
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
• 31:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: And, you know, to be honest, you know, it never really got to my head, but I just started working and grinding as if they were no chicks coming.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: I mean, like I was going so hard.
• 32:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: I remember one time, and she probably doesn't remember this, but she said, how much do we need?
• 32:10
  [SPEAKER_10]: Wow, and I was like, it just became like sport, you know?
• 32:16
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, it was like, how much do we need?
• 32:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: I was just like, well, this is me and guys me.
• 32:19
  [SPEAKER_10]: And we got to touch the people because my heart was in the right place.
• 32:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: God just kept sending it and sending it and sending it.
• 32:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: How does a person like you structure yourself with people who can tell you the truth and lay out a blueprint.
• 32:30
  [SPEAKER_10]: So you don't find yourself crashing out in certain areas of opportunities.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to be super honest about that because in ultimately, in part what you're talking about is like, um, in part what you're talking about is accountability.
• 32:48
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah.
• 32:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: How real can I be?
• 32:52
  [SPEAKER_10]: Man, we 100 on this guy.
• 32:53
  [SPEAKER_10]: Okay.
• 32:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: Accountability only work with honest people.
• 32:57
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 32:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got accountability parts.
• 33:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm going to say, I got accountability part and I didn't impress me.
• 33:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: are you honest?
• 33:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because if you are honest, the accountability doesn't work.
• 33:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now, so the first person you have to be honest with is you.
• 33:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: and the more honest you are with you, then the contribution you need from other people around, you becomes different.
• 33:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now you don't need them to help you be honest because you honest, what?
• 33:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: You don't need them to help you see you out of pocket because you're self-aware, you need them to help you strategize so you can protect the things that matter to you the most.
• 33:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: So when I talk about my life structure, I sat down, this is a long time ago, I sat down with this guy,
• 33:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: And he said something to me, I never forget, he said, there's you got to start seeing yourself as an entity, not as an individual.
• 33:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: So you need to see yourself as Dears Daniel's ink.
• 33:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: And what do corporations have, boards?
• 33:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: So who's your life board?
• 34:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: And who are the people that are authorities?
• 34:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, they got a degree of expertise in the certain areas of your life that matter to you the most.
• 34:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: and those are the people you go to to strategize on how to protect that value, no matter what else is growing.
• 34:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Does that make sense?
• 34:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's almost like the priority still becomes you, not the thing that you're growing.
• 34:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because if you're in my space, like whatever I do in ministry and marketplace, it flows from me, right?
• 34:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't create a drink line.
• 34:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right?
• 34:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm the business.
• 34:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Exactly.
• 34:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: The coaching program, all this stuff, it's me.
• 34:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: So my approach is a little bit different.
• 34:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so, this guy, he helped me with this and he was just like, yo, so you kind of got to look at yourself as an entity and you got to have a board and so the best thing for the business, the best thing for the church.
• 35:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: is for Darius to present the best version of himself to it, right?
• 35:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: So let's position you financially, so that by the time I go was by the time I was 40, it took me to 41.
• 35:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's just by the time you 40, you do that, I don't want to just come out throwing it.
• 35:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: But by the time that you're 40, you're working out a purpose and not out a need.
• 35:21
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yes.
• 35:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: You feel me?
• 35:23
  [SPEAKER_10]: I told you.
• 35:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so that it's, yeah, yeah, so you do, so you're really doing revivals, not survivors.
• 35:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 35:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's.
• 35:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, he told me that.
• 35:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 35:33
  [SPEAKER_10]: So anyway, you know, I love Paul.
• 35:36
  [SPEAKER_10]: You can't do it.
• 35:39
  [SPEAKER_10]: You do it.
• 35:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:40
  [SPEAKER_10]: You do it.
• 35:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: You do it.
• 35:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know what matters most to me in terms of like my spiritual health and that's when my pastor comes in, right?
• 36:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Then I know physical health.
• 36:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's when my health coach and my functional medicine doctor come in.
• 36:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know relational health, my pastor also feels that void in terms of like marital and parental relationships.
• 36:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: So the point is, I've got these
• 36:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: more so for strategy, not necessarily for accountability because accountability only work if you're honest do.
• 36:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 36:33
  [SPEAKER_10]: Now that's real.
• 36:35
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm sitting here listening and I'm just like, yo, that is so profound to create a board for yourself.
• 36:40
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I'm sure you're on the other side of the camera thing to yourself, I'm going to do that, right?
• 36:44
  [SPEAKER_10]: But make sure that you choose people who are actually doing really well in those areas, not just your cousin, whom you know, when she raised her key, it's pretty good, don't do that.
• 36:53
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, faster as I sit there and I'm meant, I just think whenever I see you,
• 37:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: I don't know, I just see, you know, it's just so much expansion.
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I don't even really think, man, it's so cool that I don't think you see yourself because there's such a level of humility that's still there.
• 37:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I think that's why the law continues to use you in such a capacity.
• 37:12
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, I see just in my heart, I was in prayer during, um, church yesterday.
• 37:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: And, um, and I was praying.
• 37:21
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I said, so what you want to do with Pastor Darius Daniels?
• 37:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: And, and I told you a little bit offline, and, you know, won't go into the Manusha of it, but it was like you was running.
• 37:31
  [SPEAKER_10]: Mm-hmm.
• 37:31
  [SPEAKER_10]: And you was running, and you kept running, and you was running, and you was running, and you didn't crash out of the door.
• 37:36
  [SPEAKER_10]: But it was like the Lord was challenging me to just tell you that, like, there are people across this world, man.
• 37:43
  [SPEAKER_10]: That just run a poor into you, man.
• 37:46
  [SPEAKER_10]: And sometimes our plate's are just so full that, oftentimes,
• 37:51
  [SPEAKER_10]: God has already blown out my mind with what we have, but he wants our minds to explode how he gets his tools in the next season.
• 37:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: So when I was asking the Lord, I said, what's song, icebreaker, what do we do?
• 38:04
  [SPEAKER_10]: And he said, turning point.
• 38:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because even now, I just feel like there's still another big extreme turning point For you have you have you strategized with the next five 10 years look like or is this still question marks?
• 38:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Still question marks.
• 38:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so I feel like I feel like one your word is spot on.
• 38:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you know I'm saying and I wouldn't say that that wouldn't true.
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: I just wouldn't say nothing
• 38:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's what I do.
• 38:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I was just, yeah, I feel like, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, yeah.
• 38:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, it's 100% spot on.
• 38:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: Feel like I'm at the beginning.
• 38:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, good.
• 38:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: This turning point.
• 38:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 38:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I don't know what exactly it is.
• 38:43
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 38:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: I just know what has been can't be.
• 38:48
  [SPEAKER_10]: I told you, he's a walk, he's a walk in bar, it's like bars.
• 38:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm, I'm not sure, you know, but I am, I feel like this is what I call holy discontent.
• 39:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it is a divinely orchestrated frustration.
• 39:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it is not you being unappreciative.
• 39:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not you being discontent.
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: It is God disrupting your satisfaction.
• 39:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: So that he makes you open to instruction.
• 39:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's going to give you in the future.
• 39:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 39:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: But he's disrupting your satisfaction in the present, so that when he gives you that instruction, you move and you don't have to wrestle.
• 39:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 39:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: So,
• 39:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you don't know a change is coming.
• 39:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: When you're trying to change you, he's trying to wrestle with you and lead you at the same time.
• 39:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: But when you let you know ahead of time, something's coming.
• 39:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now I'm turning, I just need to know what.
• 39:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I'm kind of open at that.
• 39:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: Part of it's like lifestyle.
• 39:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
• 39:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: Part of it's lifestyle.
• 39:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not in a season when I'm running for me.
• 39:52
  [SPEAKER_08]: Yes.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: Anymore.
• 39:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I am running for others.
• 39:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm trying to figure out now transition while it's, what does it mean to teach people how to fish?
• 40:04
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 40:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: And not for me to do all of the fishing.
• 40:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah.
• 40:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: And give fish away.
• 40:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: So in those seasons of turning point, because God also revealed that this ain't the first turning point.
• 40:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: I think you had a,
• 40:20
  [SPEAKER_10]: I don't think this is what you wanted to do.
• 40:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: It was kind of a real call and it wasn't like one day I'm going to be like my daddy.
• 40:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: I think you wanted to do something else.
• 40:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Law school.
• 40:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: Okay.
• 40:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: I gave a law school.
• 40:31
  [SPEAKER_10]: Okay.
• 40:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: 100%.
• 40:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 40:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: That was me and my dad's dream.
• 40:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 40:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 40:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: My dad was a Bob vocational part.
• 40:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's super funny.
• 40:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like when people say like talk about pastors and money, stuff like that.
• 40:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: One, a lot of pastors are close and car rich and cash poor.
• 40:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: So they're dealing with a degree of dealing with a degree.
• 40:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like you're saying, it's ostentatiousness.
• 40:52
  [SPEAKER_10]: Clothes and car reeds.
• 40:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
• 40:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's like, they look good, they drive and good, but it's like, you know, something happened is a need to go find me.
• 41:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 41:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I think that's a misconception.
• 41:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: A lot of times about like passes in wealth, or some passes wealthy, yes.
• 41:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: But by and large, a lot of them are not, or not.
• 41:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I say all that to say, my dad was not.
• 41:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: So my association with pastor of ministry with poverty, he well did during the day.
• 41:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: He did because he was called, worked all day in a factory, no heat.
• 41:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, no heat, excuse me, in the winter, no air in the summer.
• 41:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: And we'll come home, shower, put on that shirt and tie, go
• 41:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: Was that so for me?
• 41:48
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because I had to get this out of here.
• 41:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got to go do something.
• 41:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: On the prison, we got to do something else.
• 41:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that was his thing.
• 41:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: He was like, hey, I'm called to this.
• 41:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I need you to be able to take care of your family.
• 41:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: In a way that I'm not able to take care of you.
• 41:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: And even when I was making the decision, the biggest challenge my dad and I ever had in our relationship was when I was making the decision to abandon law school and go to seminary.
• 42:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's when he's protected because he knew what I was signing up for.
• 42:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that's when it's protective nature kicked in.
• 42:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that was our biggest tension point.
• 42:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I literally, I was going to law school and then it was like, all right, okay, I feel this call to do full-time ministry.
• 42:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: All right, well, I'm gonna do both.
• 42:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I started looking to these programs where you could get your JD and your MDiv, like Emory, I think you used to have a program like that.
• 42:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: But anyway, maybe it wasn't Emory, but you could get your law degree and your MDiv in a five year span.
• 42:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I was wrestling with that and it's just like God was just like law school was the Isaac that I had to offer.
• 42:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so that was like my life has been they're like two or three big turning points.
• 43:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: like that.
• 43:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I feel like I'm in the midst of one now.
• 43:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: I just came off of my annual summer sabbatical and a guy asked me.
• 43:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: He said, man, what do you see next?
• 43:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, man, for the first time.
• 43:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not, I don't see what I'm doing.
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: So how to, so, and just full transparency, I think we just made it to Brodo Brodo right now.
• 43:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: I just got the energy shift.
• 43:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: So what do you do in these seasons?
• 43:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because now that little boy in me who's afraid is starting to pick up his old habits.
• 43:37
  [SPEAKER_10]: It's like,
• 43:38
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like, I ain't had a urge for a cigar in hell, like hell is like, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't, I ain't,
• 43:56
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like I can go preach teach and prophesied at this whole world, but God, I don't see nothing at this point for me.
• 44:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I think God, I made some healthy choices financially that, you know, every month just kind of rolling on autopilot, the praise God, not trying to be better though.
• 44:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: So at all, um, but man, like how do you not fall back into those?
• 44:15
  [SPEAKER_10]: Kill Michael high school 17 18 year old boy who's looking at his dad do that in this like man I'm gonna get us up out of here.
• 44:21
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like I was getting us up out of here.
• 44:23
  [SPEAKER_10]: I was getting us up out of Berkeley No, man.
• 44:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: He's a housekeeper.
• 44:25
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, like I'm gonna go to college.
• 44:27
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm gonna go to home.
• 44:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: How do you get all miss?
• 44:29
  [SPEAKER_10]: I was running.
• 44:30
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, like how do you not go back into those?
• 44:34
  [SPEAKER_10]: hurtful, harmful habits while you're in the period waiting for the next half of whatever guy may do.
• 44:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Who thinks I'm going to say that I think are, I want to speak that in two ways.
• 44:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: So one, one of the, one of the things that helps me go back, this is going to sound so just going to sound way more coaching the pastor and I don't even know what that means.
• 44:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: And this is right, that can be something I don't know.
• 44:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: But here's, here's what I've learned.
• 44:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: For me,
• 45:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: like my ethical boundaries.
• 45:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: And let's just, let's say ethics, not any time I see him.
• 45:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: We could just say immoral or unproductive.
• 45:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: My ethical boundaries, Willie.
• 45:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: Bro, it's not even now.
• 45:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not even driven by wanting to be right.
• 45:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's wise.
• 45:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's like, yo, it's not like, oh, I want to do that because that's not right.
• 45:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Probably just saying, wow, it's
• 45:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm driven by, it doesn't make sense.
• 45:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Righteousness is wisdom for me now.
• 45:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's not all some, because I know enough about grace to know that I'm good.
• 45:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but that's not why.
• 45:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just not why.
• 45:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's right.
• 45:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just not right.
• 45:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I was like, you know what I could do?
• 45:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, it might be a cause.
• 45:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It might not understand that people to do stuff all the time.
• 45:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: They don't, they don't get caught all the time or it don't, it don't turn into a habit all the time.
• 45:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's keep it real.
• 45:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's just not wise.
• 45:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's just not wise.
• 45:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 45:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's not even, if this is the one time where something, it's just not wise.
• 45:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: So that's one.
• 46:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Two.
• 46:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think I'm at a place in my journey and my understanding spiritual formation.
• 46:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm way more comfortable with struggle than the average person.
• 46:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I've normalized it.
• 46:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: So normalized.
• 46:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: Paul had it.
• 46:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: He wrote two to the Bible.
• 46:14
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah.
• 46:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: 75% of 75% of New Testament, excuse me, through a 2000 New Testament, 75% of New Testament was written by a man who normalized struggle.
• 46:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: From a seven, thing I wanna do, yeah, I don't do.
• 46:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's normalized here, it's weird.
• 46:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's almost like, let me talk about Christians specifically.
• 46:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's like we have such a war view of spiritual formation, somehow you think, growing God leaves your humanity behind.
• 46:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: We've got such a poor view of humanity.
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: We can't even separate humanity from cornality.
• 46:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: So most times when people say, I'm human, it's like you, while it.
• 46:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's just, I'm human, not a problem.
• 46:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: You listen to it.
• 46:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, like Jesus came to show you how to be human.
• 46:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Oh.
• 47:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: God became a human to show you how to be one.
• 47:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: And part of what that means is struggle.
• 47:09
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 47:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's human.
• 47:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's like, yeah, it's like, man, I feel like I feel like I feel like picking up a cigar.
• 47:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: You an uncomfortable season.
• 47:19
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 47:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: It's the same so selfish go to the outside world, you know what I mean?
• 47:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: I even feel selfish.
• 47:29
  [SPEAKER_10]: It's like, how could you feel this thing, this like the struggle you went through?
• 47:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 47:34
  [SPEAKER_10]: But it's like for me, if I'm not going after something and I just being like, I don't, I think my spirit just gets a little weird when it comes to content me.
• 47:45
  [SPEAKER_10]: I being able to be like, okay, I got out of this way here.
• 47:47
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm like, maybe I was supposed to enjoy this season.
• 47:48
  [SPEAKER_10]: So I'm like, maybe I should write a book.
• 47:51
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, I'm not used to being a human being.
• 47:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: I think I'm a human doer.
• 47:56
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I think you spoke to that really, really well.
• 47:57
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, throughout this conversation, I heard a lot about your dad.
• 48:00
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I'm thankful that I got a chance to meet him.
• 48:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: Where was mom?
• 48:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Mom was there too, man.
• 48:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like,
• 48:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like every chapter of my life, I would feel like one of my parents contributed to in different ways.
• 48:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I feel like early on, like younger, especially because my dad was working so much, and my dad was in the National Guard.
• 48:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: Oh God.
• 48:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
• 48:27
  [SPEAKER_10]: He's on a weekend.
• 48:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 48:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then I think it switched to the Army Reserve.
• 48:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: So the early part of my life is mom.
• 48:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was more more of a connection with her.
• 48:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I feel like a lot of my,
• 48:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: like my passion for reading and studying and stuff like that, they came from her.
• 48:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: So, I don't need that.
• 48:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: We had library cards.
• 48:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, library.
• 48:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, okay, okay.
• 48:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so in the summer.
• 48:56
  [SPEAKER_10]: It was widened black.
• 48:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 48:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 48:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: He was lemon that.
• 49:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: 100%.
• 49:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: So in the summer, like we would have these, the chemical library would have some a reading program.
• 49:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: You get stars and stickers for how many books you read or whatever, so every summer, she's got me in that summer reading program.
• 49:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: She's the one is like, all right, she's the one that's assessing my potential at school.
• 49:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: And like, all right, now you got honor role potential.
• 49:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: You got to bring honor role grades home.
• 49:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, you know, so it like they wouldn't force that like on my sibling.
• 49:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: I appreciate it that they would look at okay What's your best and that's what we're gonna hold you to?
• 49:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: So she was kind of that I think I got into my teenage years That is when I started connecting more with dad.
• 49:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: So that's why so when I started having to make a life Altering decisions and stuff like that
• 49:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: He was because as a man, I could connect and relate to him a little bit more.
• 49:51
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 49:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: So that's why most of what I'm talking about is him.
• 49:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: It wasn't that mom wasn't there.
• 49:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was just that.
• 49:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: As I got older, I connected more with that.
• 50:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: That's good.
• 50:02
  [SPEAKER_10]: What's the biggest misconception about being the mega church past?
• 50:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know what the biggest one is, I'm going to give you like two or three of them.
• 50:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 50:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: Number one is that everybody that has a large church like that try to have one.
• 50:21
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, no, for a fact you didn't try to do that.
• 50:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: What's the formula?
• 50:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: But people to say, these mega church, what's the formula?
• 50:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: Which one started like a mega church?
• 50:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Right.
• 50:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Which one started like one?
• 50:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, if somebody opened up something and then for whatever reason, people start flocking to that.
• 50:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: What you're doing when you call every mega church leader, a con artist is you're insulting the intelligence of thousands of people who sit there every week.
• 50:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: I want to say I cannot, cannot just be the coach talk, not the pep, not dumb that is, you got, if five, six thousand people, degrees, jobs, entrepreneurs, parents, people who are making in life are sitting in a place every week.
• 51:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: You.
• 51:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: somehow are assuming you have some expertise of vantage point that they don't have.
• 51:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: You insulted the intelligence of all those people.
• 51:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's okay to be like, oh, that's not for me.
• 51:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: But it means that they're dumb for being there.
• 51:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: So you mean they sit in there every week for something that ain't doing nothing for them?
• 51:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: They're given their time and their money to something.
• 51:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's not an value to their life anyway.
• 51:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: So they don't have the ability to objectively assess what is actually helping them.
• 51:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: You who have no insight on what's going on in their life, though, are making this microscopic judgment from a telescopic vantage point.
• 51:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: You make an adjustment like you close, but you far.
• 52:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: You don't know what's in, so that's number one.
• 52:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: Then number two, I think that one is like every that, you know, they tried to be one.
• 52:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then I think another two, like the second misconception is like, I don't know what the right word is, but like that every mega church pastor is into self.
• 52:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like they get something out of being a mega church pastor.
• 52:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like they think like,
• 52:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: And let me keep it a buck.
• 52:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not saying there's not the case for some pastas.
• 52:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, but if it is, that's a trauma response.
• 52:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: That means you need to become nobody until you came to a past.
• 52:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, if making you, if you make a pastor make you feel like somebody that means you that little boy They got picked last but kickball all the time That's what that means I promise this I was just talking to somebody they asked me I was a distiller war.
• 52:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm traditionally go to like a war chosen all that but I was like, you know what we're nominated Let's show good grace.
• 52:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: Let's go out and I'm talking to my son.
• 53:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: I bring all my sons They I just like for the experience just type stuff with me and I was talking to somebody and I won't say the name or whatever
• 53:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: He act like that.
• 53:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: And he said, he won cool in high school.
• 53:15
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm not going to say your name, but you don't know who you are.
• 53:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: I said, man, what?
• 53:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because you're not even just, you know, you have to see people, they just so glad to be here.
• 53:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: Everybody got to know him and disdain nothing.
• 53:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I said, why, why, why, he act like that.
• 53:27
  [SPEAKER_10]: And man, it's planned.
• 53:28
  [SPEAKER_10]: Man, you know what?
• 53:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think he was cool in high school.
• 53:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: It is, as I think sometimes people put people in those boxes, it's like, it's almost like if something is large, then they doubt the genuineness of the person that's leading it, or the authenticity of that person.
• 53:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: As if to suggest that God didn't use any of their skill, acumen, or expertise at all, like this is the only thing that they could be doing, they're just like a con artist of sorts.
• 53:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: I think that's fair, but I also think is because of the mishaps that have happened and mega churches do well.
• 54:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, here's my pushback.
• 54:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 54:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 54:06
  [SPEAKER_10]: Okay.
• 54:07
  [SPEAKER_10]: They just like, oh, that's got to be what I'm saying.
• 54:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I want to push back on that big time.
• 54:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 54:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Here's my pushback on that.
• 54:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: My pushback is the assumption people are making is that because what happens with mega churches are visible, it's more frequently.
• 54:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: I grew up in small, still front churches.
• 54:27
  [SPEAKER_10]: He's like, I'm leaving him.
• 54:29
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm leaving him alone.
• 54:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's way easier to get crazy with money when it's smaller.
• 54:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: And no boards.
• 54:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you're, it's some churches in Mississippi.
• 54:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: They never gonna get on the IRS radar.
• 54:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, never.
• 54:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Ever, never gonna get out of there.
• 54:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, never.
• 54:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I think it's not a mega churches.
• 54:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think the mega churches are more visible.
• 54:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Number one,
• 54:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's over 300,000 registered churches in the United States.
• 54:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's not counting our cousin and who paperwork not right.
• 54:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 55:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's registered, right?
• 55:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 55:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: So let's just say, I think they say like the average church, like 90% of churches do not have 500 adults in attendance.
• 55:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now, they might have it on the roll, but 90% don't have 500.
• 55:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I want you to think about how small and then we go up to what's considered a mega church and passes who lead large churches didn't come up with this term, which is like 2000 and attendance and more.
• 55:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: So you're really probably talking about 3% of churches in the entire country.
• 55:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so people say, oh, these mega churches will want something happen with the 3%
• 55:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's just news with something happening with your uncle.
• 55:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not.
• 55:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's true.
• 55:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so I feel like it's both.
• 55:52
  [SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
• 55:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: You understand what I'm saying?
• 55:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think it's both.
• 55:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think it's both.
• 55:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm not, I'm not dismissing a lot of even what we see recently.
• 56:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I do think growth and success,
• 56:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Does have something to do with a leader's unwillingness to deal with his stuff, because the hardest person to get to change is somebody that's winning.
• 56:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I do agree there.
• 56:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I'm saying?
• 56:23
  [SPEAKER_10]: Listen, I promise you.
• 56:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: I mean, what you said is true.
• 56:26
  [SPEAKER_10]: Because I remember my first kind of like I was a Christian in the Lord's Lord blessing.
• 56:30
  [SPEAKER_10]: I was like, well, I guess I got to be perfect.
• 56:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 56:33
  [SPEAKER_10]: And then I will fall short.
• 56:36
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 56:36
  [SPEAKER_10]: But the wrath of God didn't hit me.
• 56:38
  [SPEAKER_10]: And then, you know, you go a little further.
• 56:41
  [SPEAKER_10]: And then finally, the spirit of the Lord, just kind of hit my heart.
• 56:48
  [SPEAKER_10]: And he's like, but do you love me?
• 56:51
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like, I know they didn't see, but do you love me?
• 56:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: And so my heart posture became like God, I just don't want to disappoint you.
• 57:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I think my biggest problem in the culture that we've created that has become so performance-based.
• 57:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: But I sing about a Jesus.
• 57:10
  [SPEAKER_10]: I talk about a Jesus that I really need it.
• 57:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like I really came over here for refuge, man.
• 57:16
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I was like, God, if there's anything that you can do for me, man, I give all this crap up.
• 57:20
  [SPEAKER_10]: So even so when I see in our culture,
• 57:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: that it's so many mishaps me included because I'm human I'm judge it but I like man you got to fall in love with Jesus bro like be willing to sacrifice like it all like just to see what he chooses to do with your life and so when I see young amazing guys like yourself and I know you love God because I it confirmed my spirit of the dancing man he love you don't it yeah and say that's pretty cool man I love to see people who actually really really love you
• 57:50
  [SPEAKER_10]: I just want you protected from these goofballs, man, because we need you, and like, you know, I had no big old staying on my name, you know what I mean?
• 57:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: Like, you know, I made some, I made a decision to uncouple, and it was what it was, and then, you know, she decided to say some things about me, and this culture is so tight knit, it begins to go out.
• 58:11
  [SPEAKER_10]: And then I just, you know, the invitation store is slowing down, and it got a little unique.
• 58:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I just remember just saying God if I still got you like I'm straight like I'm good and then he began to birth new things like podcast now this other stuff and I realized that man sometimes you got to go through that But I think about all the people who hung on to every single word that I said while I was sitting on those cultures with my wife and trying to help so many relationships It's not even like me like I'm like I'm good guy helped me.
• 58:42
  [SPEAKER_10]: I knew this was the right thing, but I was like man
• 58:46
  [SPEAKER_10]: If I could do it over at a bit more honest early and maybe I wouldn't have injured so many people who was really, really gleaming from what, you know, what, what, you know, what was going on.
• 58:57
  [SPEAKER_10]: So can I, can I, I think,
• 59:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: like, I honor your heart posture.
• 59:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, your heart is one of the things that I just say, I'm tired of most about you, beyond how gifted you are.
• 59:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like it's a little bit different for pastors though than even, I honor your heart with like the way you want to stretch your influence.
• 59:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think it's a different convert, like not that is less that it matters less to God.
• 59:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I think what you're sitting in a seat is a pastor, the implications
• 59:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not gonna say a lot greater.
• 59:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's almost like at some point, and maybe it's just conversation we have online.
• 59:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wanna open up, I wanna have an honest conversation about, is the way we're actually viewing spiritual growth right and is the way we're actually doing church working?
• 59:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 59:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now that's real.
• 59:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Cause if it's not working for the guys that's leading the church,
• 59:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: next episode.
• 59:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's like, it's not, yeah, it's like, and when I say working, not like, is it not working at all?
• 1:00:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is it working the way God intended?
• 1:00:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not saying are you inspired at church?
• 1:00:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 1:00:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: We should be inspired and encourage people every week, people going to walk in our church.
• 1:00:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I know somebody got a doctor's report this week.
• 1:00:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Somebody got broke up with.
• 1:00:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Somebody found someone they key it for.
• 1:00:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, I know life is life ain't.
• 1:00:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so people need to be encouraged and scriptures and encouraged and instruct us to encourage one another.
• 1:00:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: But that's not the commission.
• 1:00:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's not what Jesus said it was about.
• 1:00:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: So there's this book called The Great Oh Mission.
• 1:00:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know what we call the Great Commission?
• 1:00:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 1:00:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: Book is the Great Oh Mission.
• 1:00:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: Cause it's like y'all we've omitted.
• 1:00:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: The Great Commission, which is actually disciple-maker, which is what?
• 1:00:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Not like transmitting information to people, teaching people how to live like Jesus.
• 1:00:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: And a lot, this is no judgment, bro.
• 1:01:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is no judgment.
• 1:01:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's true.
• 1:01:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just want to think about the average Simon.
• 1:01:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's true.
• 1:01:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: You understand, like, I don't even know if you go to church every Sunday, if it's actually going to increase your biblical literacy.
• 1:01:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's true.
• 1:01:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: So, and I feel like any time we have conversations about revisiting something like this, people feel like you're attacking the church.
• 1:01:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 1:01:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: No.
• 1:01:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: If it's something in your mind, like, I've been married 23 years.
• 1:01:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: I've been in my wife over 25.
• 1:01:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: I love my marriage enough, not to settle.
• 1:01:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: I love it too much.
• 1:01:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: I love the marriage too much.
• 1:01:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: To let something that needs to be a dress go on a dress.
• 1:01:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: So this isn't a critique, this is love for the shit.
• 1:01:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: If the Bible says, whom look God loves, he corrects.
• 1:02:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, yo, and so I think that's a larger conversation, man, because like, I'm in a series now, I just started, it's on the book of Nathan.
• 1:02:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I can't tell you how many people came back to me was like, hey, I never heard.
• 1:02:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: Let me do it with you.
• 1:02:20
  [SPEAKER_10]: Look, bring me this camera, I'm like.
• 1:02:22
  [SPEAKER_10]: If the pastor's going to the book of Nathan,
• 1:02:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know I got to be some revelation because we just run in the nae home past matter fact, I'm looking right now in my spiritual mind like what nae home dear yeah Yo, but the average person when here's what's so double about the series is called it's called a letter to my enemies right and I need it now just like you might what we all do
• 1:02:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: But it's basically like, you know, in the book, bro, he's not one of only books in a Bible where the whole prophetic message is he's not talking to God's people.
• 1:02:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: He's talking to the Assyrians.
• 1:02:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's a prophetic message to the Assyrians.
• 1:02:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: The same people that Jonah prophesied to, they changed for a generation, and then he went back to the same behavior.
• 1:03:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: So a hundred years later, God tapped Nehume.
• 1:03:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Say, okay, Jonah gave, I sent Jonah to tell you, I'll start messing with my people.
• 1:03:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: You didn't.
• 1:03:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: So this is what I'm getting ready to do for you.
• 1:03:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: Do it.
• 1:03:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: So the point is, I'm teaching people, hey,
• 1:03:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Nehume teaches us how to handle yourself when you're being mishamed about other people.
• 1:03:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: It is a personification of Jesus's love, your enemies.
• 1:03:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm not saying that to talk about what I'm doing, but that's where my heart is.
• 1:03:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not saying I'm getting it right.
• 1:03:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: You feel me, but my heart is like, I want you to actually, I wanna actually change.
• 1:03:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I want the people that are coming each week to change.
• 1:03:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: But, and I don't know if that's current Christian culture right now.
• 1:03:53
  [SPEAKER_10]: That's over here.
• 1:03:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: But, let me say one more thing.
• 1:03:57
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, that's all.
• 1:03:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: And here, and this is the one thing, this is where a pastor's life becomes important.
• 1:04:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: because your gift is not enough to get people to change.
• 1:04:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is something you have to be living out.
• 1:04:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you have to preach out of your lived experience.
• 1:04:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because now your experience becomes the lens through which you see scripture.
• 1:04:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now you use scripture as a tool to help people experience what you are experiencing.
• 1:04:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: But if you not experience in change,
• 1:04:36
  [SPEAKER_10]: And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, no, man, listen.
• 1:04:42
  [SPEAKER_10]: Pastor Darius Darius, I tell you what, man, you special bro, you really, really special, man.
• 1:04:54
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm not often speechless, like this is the time where I usually give my spew.
• 1:04:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: But I just tell you, man, I honor you, man.
• 1:05:01
  [SPEAKER_10]: I honor the gift that you have.
• 1:05:04
  [SPEAKER_10]: I honor even in the expansion that it didn't change your heart.
• 1:05:09
  [SPEAKER_10]: It is my prayer, man, that the type of fire that you have that it just can never, like, be distracted.
• 1:05:15
  [SPEAKER_10]: It doesn't ever go out, because that's just who you are.
• 1:05:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: You're going to do it, but in terms of...
• 1:05:19
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know, sometimes people get so close and they do the wrong thing, you know, sometimes, you know, great leaders are not exactly who they are and then you see those type of patterns, man.
• 1:05:30
  [SPEAKER_10]: I just pray that the Lord continues to keep you where you are.
• 1:05:32
  [SPEAKER_10]: I can understand why expansion came on you the way it did.
• 1:05:39
  [SPEAKER_10]: And I don't think he's just the education.
• 1:05:42
  [SPEAKER_10]: I don't think he's your order to her skills.
• 1:05:46
  [SPEAKER_10]: I think he's the heart that you have for guys, people.
• 1:05:49
  [SPEAKER_10]: And so here's the thing.
• 1:05:51
  [SPEAKER_10]: Next season, everybody going to be clapping for you.
• 1:05:57
  [SPEAKER_10]: Some people.
• 1:05:58
  [SPEAKER_10]: gonna make think you lost it and it's tough message.
• 1:06:02
  [SPEAKER_10]: This is the, but it's a few of us who know your heart.
• 1:06:06
  [SPEAKER_10]: And you go out there and do a guy called you to do because we need you, man.
• 1:06:10
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, we need you, man.
• 1:06:13
  [SPEAKER_10]: But we need that you that you know, yeah.
• 1:06:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: We need, I don't know, I appreciate that I receive it, man.
• 1:06:21
  [SPEAKER_10]: Thank you for your gift, man.
• 1:06:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: And thank you for having me.
• 1:06:24
  [SPEAKER_10]: Man, true.
• 1:06:25
  [SPEAKER_10]: Um, once they are not done deal with opposed to do, you impose budget that, you know, you know, they say those who are sure to win the till be college back.
• 1:06:35
  [SPEAKER_10]: So I pray that you come back because I'm sure I win it today.
• 1:06:37
  [SPEAKER_10]: Subscribe to this channel.
• 1:06:39
  [SPEAKER_10]: Love yourself more.
• 1:06:39
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm going to help you more.
• 1:06:40
  [SPEAKER_10]: That kind of we want to help you just a little bit more.
• 1:06:42
  [SPEAKER_10]: And um, head over to Train Church.
• 1:06:44
  [SPEAKER_10]: If you ever in the ATF, look online.
• 1:06:46
  [SPEAKER_10]: Make sure that you check out this amazing series from the book of Nathan.
• 1:06:53
  [SPEAKER_10]: Hey, fans, fans have closed you.
• 1:06:55
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know what?
• 1:06:56
  [SPEAKER_10]: The preacher is becoming out of Nae-Hoon.
• 1:06:58
  [SPEAKER_10]: Huh?
• 1:06:59
  [SPEAKER_10]: Katie, you ever came out of Nae-Hoon?
• 1:07:02
  [SPEAKER_10]: Nae-Hoon?
• 1:07:03
  [SPEAKER_10]: I ain't never studied Nae-Hoon.
• 1:07:05
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'ma study today.
• 1:07:06
  [SPEAKER_10]: You know he preaching.
• 1:07:08
  [SPEAKER_10]: That man got a revelation about a Nae-Hoon, showing up preacher.
• 1:07:12
  [SPEAKER_10]: Uh... Love you more.
• 1:07:14
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm flat out.
• 1:07:15
  [SPEAKER_10]: I'm going to the book of Nehong.
• 1:07:17
  [SPEAKER_10]: Nehong.
• 1:07:18
  [SPEAKER_10]: The man of God for it's not a Nehong.
• 1:07:20
  [SPEAKER_10]: And he said it was so much confident.
• 1:07:21
  [SPEAKER_10]: Yeah, I'm doing a series right now coming out of the book of Nehong.
• 1:07:31
  [SPEAKER_08]: How?