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46 - Melmoth The Wanderer by Charles Robert Maturin · Melmoth The Wanderer

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  Speaker 1: Chapter thirty, Part four. She did not long survive the interview,
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  Speaker 1: nor did she ever recover the use of speech. Her
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  Speaker 1: powerful intellect was, however, unimpaired, and to the last she
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  Speaker 1: expressed herself most intelligibly by action, as determined not to
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  Speaker 1: hear a word explanatory of Sandal's conduct. This explanation was
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  Speaker 1: therefore made to Margaret, who, though much shocked and agitated
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  Speaker 1: at the first disclosure, seemed afterwards perfectly reconciled to it.
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  Speaker 1: Shortly after the receipt of these letters, Eleanor took a sudden,
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  Speaker 1: but perhaps not singular resolution. She determined to set out
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  Speaker 1: immediately for Mortimer Castle. It was not her weariness of
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  Speaker 1: the withering life the Adegio tas Bius she lived at
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  Speaker 1: her Puritanic aunts. It was not the wish to enjoy
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  Speaker 1: again the stately and splendid ceremonial of Mortimer Castle contrasted
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  Speaker 1: with the frugal fare and monastic rigor of the cottage
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  Speaker 1: in Yorkshire. It was not even the wish for that
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  Speaker 1: change of place that always flatters us with change of circumstance,
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  Speaker 1: as if we did not carry our own hearts with
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  Speaker 1: us wherever we go, and might not therefore be sure
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  Speaker 1: that an innate and eroding ulso must be our companion
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  Speaker 1: from the pole to the equator. It was not this,
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  Speaker 1: but a whisper, half unheard, yet believed, just in proportion
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  Speaker 1: as it was inaudible and incredible, that murmured from the
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  Speaker 1: bottom of her credulous heart. Go and perhaps Eleanor set
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  Speaker 1: out on her journey, and, after having performed it with
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  Speaker 1: fewer difficulties than can be imagined, considering the state of
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  Speaker 1: the roads and the modes of traveling, in the year
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  Speaker 1: sixteen sixty seven or thereabouts, she arrived in the vicinity
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  Speaker 1: of Mortarborn Castle. It was a scene of reminiscence to her.
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  Speaker 1: Her heart throbbed audibly. As the carriage stopped at a
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  Speaker 1: Gothic gait, through which there was a walk between two
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  Speaker 1: rows of lofty elms. She alighted, and to the request
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  Speaker 1: of the servant who followed her, that he might be
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  Speaker 1: permitted to show her the way through a path entangled
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  Speaker 1: by the intersecting roots of the trees and dim with twilight,
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  Speaker 1: she answered only by her tears. She waved him off
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  Speaker 1: and advanced on foot and alone. She remembered from the
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  Speaker 1: bottom of her soul how she had once wandered amid
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  Speaker 1: that very grove with John Sandal, How his smile had
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  Speaker 1: shed a richer light on the landscape than even the
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  Speaker 1: purple smile of the dying daylight. She thought of that smile,
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  Speaker 1: and lingered to catch it amid the rich and burning
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  Speaker 1: hues flung by the fading light on the many tinted
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  Speaker 1: bowls of the ancient trees. The trees were there, and
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  Speaker 1: the light was there, But his smile, that once eclipsed
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  Speaker 1: the sunlight, was there no longer. She advanced alone the loft.
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  Speaker 1: The avenue of trees still retained its magnificent depth of
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  Speaker 1: shade and gorgeous coloring of trunk and leaf. She sought
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  Speaker 1: among them for that which she had once felt. And
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  Speaker 1: God and Nature alone are conscious of the agony with
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  Speaker 1: which we demand from them. The object which we are conscious,
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  Speaker 1: was once consecrated to our hearts, and which we now
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  Speaker 1: require of both in vain, God with holds and Nature
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  Speaker 1: denies them as eleanor with trembling steps. Advanced towards the castle,
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  Speaker 1: she saw the funeral scutcheon which Missus Margaret, in honor
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  Speaker 1: of her grandaunt, had caused to be affixed over the
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  Speaker 1: principal tower since her decease, with the same heraldric decorm,
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  Speaker 1: as if the last male of the Mortimer family were extinct.
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  Speaker 1: Eleanor looked up, and many thoughts rushed on her heart.
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  Speaker 1: There is one departed, she thought, whose mind was always
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  Speaker 1: fixed on glorious thoughts, the most exalted actions of humanity,
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  Speaker 1: or the sublime associations of eternity. Her noble heart had
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  Speaker 1: room but for two illustrious guests, the love of God
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  Speaker 1: and the love of her country. They tarried with her
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  Speaker 1: to the last, for they found the abode worthy of them.
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  Speaker 1: And when they parted, the inmate found the mansion untenantable
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  Speaker 1: any longer. The soul fled with its glorious visitors to heaven.
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  Speaker 1: My treacherous heart welcomed another inmate, And how has he
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  Speaker 1: repaid its hospitality by leaving the mansion in ruins? As
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  Speaker 1: she spoke, Thus she approached the entrance of the castle
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  Speaker 1: in the spacious hall, she was received by Margaret Mortimer
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  Speaker 1: with the embrace of rooted affection, and by John Sandal,
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  Speaker 1: who advanced after the first enthusiasm of meeting was over,
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  Speaker 1: with that calm and brotherlike good will from w which
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  Speaker 1: there was nothing to be hoped. There was the same
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  Speaker 1: heavenly smile, the same clasp of the hand, the same
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  Speaker 1: tender and almost feminine expression of anxiety for her safety.
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  Speaker 1: Even Margaret herself, who must have felt, and who did feel,
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  Speaker 1: the perils of the long journey, did not enter into
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  Speaker 1: them with that circumstantiality, or appear to sympathize with them
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  Speaker 1: so vividly, Or, when the tale of toil and travel
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  Speaker 1: was told, appeared to urge the necessity of speedy retirement
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  Speaker 1: with such solicitude as did John Sandal. Eleanor, faint and gasping,
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  Speaker 1: grasped the hands of both, and by an involuntary motion,
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  Speaker 1: locked both together. The widow Sandal was present. She showed
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  Speaker 1: much agitation at the appearance of Eleanor, but when she
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  Speaker 1: saw this extraordinary and spontaneous movement, it was observed she smiled.
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  Speaker 1: Soon after Eleanor ret tired to the apartment she had
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  Speaker 1: formerly occupied by the affectionate and delicate prevoyance of Margaret.
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  Speaker 1: The furniture had all been changed. There was nothing to
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  Speaker 1: remind her of former days except her heart. She sat
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  Speaker 1: for some time reflecting on her reception, and hope died
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  Speaker 1: within her heart as she thought of it, the strongest
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  Speaker 1: expression of aversion or disdain would not have been so withering.
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  Speaker 1: It is certain that the fiercest passions may be exchanged
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  Speaker 1: for their widest extremes in a time incredibly short and
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  Speaker 1: by means the most incalculable. Within the narrow circle of
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  Speaker 1: a day. Enemies may embrace and lovers may hate, But
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  Speaker 1: in the course of centuries, pure complacency and cordial goodwill
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  Speaker 1: never can be exalted into passion. The wretched Eleanor felt this, and,
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  Speaker 1: feeling it, knew that all was lost. She had now,
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  Speaker 1: for many days to undergo the torture of complacent and
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  Speaker 1: fraternal affection from the man she loved, and perhaps a
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  Speaker 1: keener torture was never endured. To feel hands that we
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  Speaker 1: long to press to our burning hearts, touch ours with
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  Speaker 1: cool and pulseless tranquility. To see eyes in whose light
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  Speaker 1: we live, throw on us a cold but smiling beam
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  Speaker 1: that gives light but not fertility to the parched and
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  Speaker 1: thirsting soil of the heart. To hear the ordinary language
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  Speaker 1: of affectionate civility addressed to us in tones of the
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  Speaker 1: most delicious suavity. To seek in these expressions and ulterior meaning,
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  Speaker 1: and to find it not this this is an agony
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  Speaker 1: which only those who have felt can conceive. Eleanor with
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  Speaker 1: an effort that cost her heart many a pang. Mingled
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  Speaker 1: in the habits of the house, which had been greatly
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  Speaker 1: changed since the death of missus Anne. The numerous suitors
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  Speaker 1: of the wealthy and mines noble heiress now crowded to
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  Speaker 1: the castle, and according to the custom of the times,
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  Speaker 1: they were sumptuously entertained and invited to prolong their stay
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  Speaker 1: by numerous banquets. On these occasions, John Sandal was the
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  Speaker 1: first to pay distinguished attention to Eleanor. They danced together,
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  Speaker 1: and though her Puritanic education had taught her an abhorrence
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  Speaker 1: of those devil's measures as her family was accustomed to
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  Speaker 1: term them, she tried to adapt herself to the gay
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  Speaker 1: steps of the canaries and the stately movements of the measures,
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  Speaker 1: for the newer dances had not even in report reached
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  Speaker 1: Mortimer Castle, and her slender and graceful form needed no
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  Speaker 1: other inspiration than the support of John Sandal's arms, who
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  Speaker 1: was himself an exquisite dancer. To assume all the graces
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  Speaker 1: of that delightful exercise even the practiced courtiers applauded her.
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  Speaker 1: But when it was over, Eleanor felt that had John
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  Speaker 1: Sander been dancing with a being the most indifferent to
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  Speaker 1: him on earth, his manner would have been exactly the same.
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  Speaker 1: No one could point with more smiling grace to her
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  Speaker 1: slight deviations from the figure. No one could attend her
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  Speaker 1: to her seat with more tender and anxious politeness, and
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  Speaker 1: wave the vast fan of those days over her with
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  Speaker 1: more graceful and assiduous courtesy. But Eleanor felt that these attentions,
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  Speaker 1: however flattering, were offered not by a lover. Sandal was
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  Speaker 1: absent on a visit to some neighboring noblemen, and Margaret
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  Speaker 1: and Eleanor were one evening, completely alone. Each seemed equally
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  Speaker 1: anxious for an explanation, which neither appeared willing to begin.
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  Speaker 1: Eleanor had lingered till twilight at the casement from which
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  Speaker 1: she had seen him ride, and lingered still when to
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  Speaker 1: see him was no longer possible. Her sight was strained
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  Speaker 1: to catch a glimpse of him through the gathering clouds,
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  Speaker 1: as her imagination still toiled to catch a gleam of
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  Speaker 1: that light of the heart, which now struggled dimly amid
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  Speaker 1: clouds of gloomy and unpiercible mystery. Eleanor said Margaret emphatically,
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  Speaker 1: look for him no longer, he never can be yours.
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  Speaker 1: The sudden address and the imperative tone of conviction had
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  Speaker 1: upon Eleanor the effect of being addressed by a supernatural monitor.
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  Speaker 1: She was unable even to ask how the terrible intelligence
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  Speaker 1: that burst on her so decisively was obtained. There is
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  Speaker 1: a state of mind in which we listened thus to
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  Speaker 1: a human voice as if it were an oracle, and
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  Speaker 1: instead of asking an explanation of the destiny, it announces
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  Speaker 1: we wait submissively for what yet remains to be told.
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  Speaker 1: In this mood, Eleanor slow advanced from the casement and asked,
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  Speaker 1: in a voice of fearful calmness, has he explained himself
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  Speaker 1: perfectly to you perfectly and there is nothing to expect, nothing,
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  Speaker 1: And you have heard this from himself, his very self,
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  Speaker 1: I have, And dear Eleanor, let us never again speak
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  Speaker 1: on the subject. Never answered Eleanor. Never. The veracity and
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  Speaker 1: dignity of Margaret's character were inviolable securities. For the truth
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  Speaker 1: of what she uttered, and perhaps that was the very
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  Speaker 1: reason why Eleanor tried to shrink most from the conviction.
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  Speaker 1: In a morbid state of heart, we cannot bear truth.
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  Speaker 1: The falsehood that intoxicates us for a moment is worth
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  Speaker 1: more than the truth that would disenchant us for life.
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  Speaker 1: I hate him because he tells me the truth is
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  Speaker 1: the language natural to the human mind, from the slave
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  Speaker 1: of power to the slave of passion. Other symptoms that
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  Speaker 1: could not escape the notice of the most shallow struck
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  Speaker 1: her every hour. That devotion of the eye and heart,
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  Speaker 1: of the language, and the look that cannot be mistaken
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  Speaker 1: were all obviously directed to Margaret. Still, Eleanor lingered in
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  Speaker 1: the castle and said to herself, while every day she
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  Speaker 1: saw and felt what was passing, perhaps that is the
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  Speaker 1: last word that quits the lips of those who love.
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  Speaker 1: She saw with all her eyes. She felt to the
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  Speaker 1: bottom of her soul, the obviously increasing attachment of John
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  Speaker 1: Sandal and Margaret. Yet still she dreamed of interposing obstacles
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  Speaker 1: of an explanation. When passion is deprived of its proper aliment,
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  Speaker 1: there is no telling the food on which it will prey,
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  Speaker 1: the impossibilities to which, like a famished garrison and it
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  Speaker 1: will look for its wretched sustenance. Eleanor had ceased to
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  Speaker 1: demand the heart of the being she was devoted to.
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  Speaker 1: She now lived on his looks. She said to herself,
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  Speaker 1: let him smile, though not to me, and I am
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  Speaker 1: happy still. Wherever the sunlight falls, the earth must be blessed.
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  Speaker 1: Then she sunk to lower claims. She said, let me
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  Speaker 1: but be in his presence, and that is enough. Let
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  Speaker 1: his smiles and his soul be devoted to another. One
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  Speaker 1: wandering ray may reach me, and that will be enough.
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  Speaker 1: Love is a very noble and exalting sentiment. In its
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  Speaker 1: first germ and principle, we never love without arraying the
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  Speaker 1: object in all the glories of moral as well as
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  Speaker 1: physical perfection, and deriving a kind of dignity to ourselves
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  Speaker 1: from our capacity of admiring a creature so excellent and dignified.
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  Speaker 1: But this lavish and magnificent prodigality of the imagination often
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  Speaker 1: leaves the heart of bankrupt love in its iron age
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  Speaker 1: of disappointment, becomes very degraded. It submits to be satisfied
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  Speaker 1: with merely exterior indulgences, a look, a touch of the hand,
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  Speaker 1: though occurring by accident, a kind word, though uttered almost unconsciously,
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  Speaker 1: suffices for its humble existence. In its first state, it
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  Speaker 1: is like man before the fall, inhaling the odors of
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  Speaker 1: paradise and enjoying the communion of the deity. In the
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  Speaker 1: latter it is like the same being toiling amid the
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  Speaker 1: brier and the thistle, barely to maintain a squalid existence
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  Speaker 1: without enjoyment, utility, or loveliness. About this time, her Puritan
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  Speaker 1: aunt made a strong effort to recover Eleanor out of
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  Speaker 1: the snare of the enemy. She wrote a long letter,
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  Speaker 1: a great exertion for a woman far advanced in years
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  Speaker 1: and never in the habits of a pistolary composition, adjuring
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  Speaker 1: her apostate niece to return to the guide of her
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  Speaker 1: youth and the covenant of her God, to take shelter
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  Speaker 1: in the everlasting arms while they were still held out
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  Speaker 1: to her, and to flee to the city of Refuge,
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  Speaker 1: while its gates were yet open to receive her. She
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  Speaker 1: urged on her the truth, power, and blessedness of the
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  Speaker 1: system of Calvin, which she termed the Gospel. She supported
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  Speaker 1: and defended it with all the metaphysical skill and all
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  Speaker 1: the scriptural knowledge. She possessed, and the latter was not scanty,
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  Speaker 1: And she affectingly reminded her that the hand that traced
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  Speaker 1: these lines would be unable ever to repeat the admonition,
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  Speaker 1: and would probably be moldering into dust while she was
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  Speaker 1: employed in their perusal. Eleanor wept while she read, but
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  Speaker 1: that was all she wept from physical emotion, not from
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  Speaker 1: mental conviction. Nor is there such an induration of heart
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  Speaker 1: art caused by any other power as by that of
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  Speaker 1: the passion, which seems so too soften it most. She
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  Speaker 1: answered the letter, however, and the effort scarce cost her
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  Speaker 1: less than it did her decrepit and dying relative. She
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  Speaker 1: acknowledged her dereliction of all religious feeling and bewailed it.
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  Speaker 1: The more, she added with painful sincerity, because I feel
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  Speaker 1: my grief is not sincere. Oh my God, she continued,
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  Speaker 1: You who have clothed my heart with such burning energies,
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  Speaker 1: you who have given to it a power of loving
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  Speaker 1: so intense, so devoted, so concentrated, You have not given
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  Speaker 1: it in vain. No, in some happier world, or perhaps
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  Speaker 1: even in this, when this tyranny is overpassed, you will
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  Speaker 1: fill my heart with an image worthier than him whom
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  Speaker 1: I once believed your image on earth. The stars, though
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  Speaker 1: their light appears so dim and distant to us, were
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  Speaker 1: not lit by the almighty hand in vain. Their glorious
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  Speaker 1: light burns for remote and happier worlds. And the beam
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  Speaker 1: of religion that glows so feebly to eyes almost blind
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  Speaker 1: with earthly tears, may be rekindled when a broken heart
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  Speaker 1: has been my passport to a place of rest. Do
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  Speaker 1: not think me, dear aunt, deserted by all hope of religion,
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  Speaker 1: even though I have lost the sense of it. Was
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  Speaker 1: it not said by unerring lips to a sinner that
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  Speaker 1: her transgressions were forgiven because she loved much? And does
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  Speaker 1: not this capacity of love prove that it will one
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  Speaker 1: day be more worthily filled and more happily employed. Miserable
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  Speaker 1: wretch that I am at this moment, A voice from
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  Speaker 1: the body of my heart asks me, whom hast thou
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  Speaker 1: love so much? Was it Man or God that thou
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  Speaker 1: darest to compare thyself with her who knelt and wept
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  Speaker 1: not before a mortal idol, but at the feet of
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  Speaker 1: an incarnate divinity. It may yet befall that the ark
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  Speaker 1: which has floated through the waste of waters may find
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  Speaker 1: its resting place, and the trembling inmate debark on the
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  Speaker 1: shores of an unknown but purer world. End of Chapter thirty,
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  Speaker 1: Part four,