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Nadin Din - Standup show · Comedy Central Stand-Up

• 0:02
  Comedy Central Podcast J BYA Wowow. This is great. I could be like
• 0:31
  this all afternoon, or I can assure you, or I have a limited
• 0:39
  time. And besides, the subject doesn' t go with it. Hey.
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  Well, I' m inaddin' good night. I' m here
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  to tell you what I' m addicted to. It' s very common
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  among people like me, fat people. Ostoy hooked the sugar, which you
• 0:55
  didn' t look like. He' s surprised not to paint coke and
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  not bad. I don' t have it, but tampa berry, yeah,
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  motherfucker what' s for me in sugar is more drug than drug.
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  The drugs are really pipes, what do you say, well, the pipes
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  are drugs, too, and it' s true. Hey, you catch
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  yourself, a bag and it' s like that normejo en sal you get
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  to leave pipe aja? Asaja pipe? Ajala pipes? Pipaf puts your nose
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  on, as well as the pussy. The tits bat, you know,
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  you piped ja, pipe, you do that with cocaine. You don'
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  t do it in ten minutes You' re looking at the lamppost. That
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  ' s it, I can do that Let' s hit it You know,
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  no, really. For my taste of sugar. It' s a
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  problem. I' m worried. But the worst is chocolate. The chocolate
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  in mieroin chocolate in my cruc, man, I tell you, you think
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  you control it and overnight and you' re going to listen in the bag
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  in case you find a muse, you know if you' re there.
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  It' s sad. It' s sad, man I stole my mother
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  ' s thermomix to buy me a Starbucks smoothie. And it' s sad,
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  especially because it' s two things that image doesn' t even know
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  how to pronounce. You know like Facebook. It' s just sad.
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  It' s sad and I can' t eat in an onzal and I
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  can' t eat a piece of chocolate. I' m impossible. In
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  my house there is a chocolate tarvet and when I remain aware of nothing really,
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  I look at my hands, chocolate stains, I look for myself,
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  I look at my clothes, I look at my folds, I find myself
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  eating it and there is nothing left. Nothing. It' s what gives
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  remorse and silver paper. Dude, like in the' 80s. I'
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  m not fucking saying that. I' m thinking of getting help. I
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  ' m going to point to something, some situation, compulsive dining rooms,
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  which I' ve looked at. I' ve been looking for compulsive comedros.
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  That' s what it' s like to eat compulsives, like alcoholics,
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  anonymous, but paragords. What we can' t call ourselves is anonymous
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  canteens, because of course you know it' s like you' re an
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  alcoholic ananisms and you' re tattooing bacardi on your forehead You' re making
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  yourself spoiler. I really think it' s the worst addiction of all is
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  food, because the others more than least have tools. Man, you'
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  re gonna take us, because don' t stick to the PP and what
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  ' s alcoholic, because you don' t get hung up, Bacano,
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  resolved, but how you' re gonna stop eating if I can' t
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  even stop thinking about eating, man, if I wanted to aim for art
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  in martial in mystad because they thought it was with Ham Yurick, cheese,
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  that is, it sucks and you say good, because it makes you famous,
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  because like all famous, they have addictions and I say already, but
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  other additions. Aunty, my guahija died of an overdose. Jim Morrison,
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  super rocker gala tub, I' m going to die of Miguelito' s
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  filling of the roll, he doesn' t have love. That' s
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  what I mean, and being fat has a lot of bad stuff. It
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  ' s the inviting consequence that you' re hooked blue, that you get
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  fat and there' s the hat. He has a lot of bad things,
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  but he also has good things. I really know because I' ve
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  made a list wait for you. It' s a little wet. I
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  ' ve been here a lot of hours, but you' re waiting for
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  the list of good things to be fat. The good thing about the obvious
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  food, it' s not the most obvious point, but you can'
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  t. Let' s take it off. It' s important. The
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  bad thing, then self- esteem so I' m going to cheat you
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  recently. The good stuff. The feeling of eating how wonderful, how bad,
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  the feeling of failure, which is also instantaneous. Then all the food
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  fits the bad, all the clothes that you no longer head, not tral
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  pral is already. Good thing they don' t rape you. I'
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  ve said it the bad thing, they don' t rape you, they
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  don' t what is vera, they don' t, but fucker is
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  that yes, that rapes. Don' t leave out this thing that doesn
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  ' t matter, or whatever you do, they' re gonna talk to
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  you, like, it' s got nothing to do with it, and
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  you' re gonna tell us why you' re making this joke. I
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  ' ve already said that. The only thing I haven' t had fat
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  self- esteem for ever, ever since I was little, good, little
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  guy. It' s a way of speaking that I' m worth the
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  Communion suit. The priest didn' t give me the fuck. I throw
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  it at myself like I' m scared, I mean, it' s
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  like it was. What do I know as if it was his first day
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  working at the circus, they would have told him you have to invent the
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  hippo and uncle me. So it was, so it was in fact,
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  I was given the body of Christ and I asked for bread, uh,
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  I asked for bread seriously and I say to wet man. And I also
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  say the same, I am hungry that Christ is all real bone. She
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  ' s a whore. She' s a whore having been complex. I
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  ' ve got you someone wants you to study my mushrooms, take the presents
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  who waits for you to show up ah you spend it in the face one
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  day be famous, not sooner than later. Yes, it can be.
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  Hey. She' s a whore having complexes, because you' ve always
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  had, as a child, as a teenager, and I' m ashamed
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  to go to the beach and the swimming pool that they arm bikini. I
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  didn' t want people to know that there was Gorda than Ilusa. I
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  thought the clothes were magic. People already knew. You' re missing me
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  a lot of beautiful things for being dumber than Fat fucking. I' m
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  telling you, oh, thank you, I' ve lost a lot of
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  wishes. You' re a rock of desires. I' ve always asked
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  for wishes since I was right. I' ve always asked for it from
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  the freaking faces You' re late for birthday. I' ve always asked
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  for the same thing. I' ve always asked to be thin. But
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  it' s just that I' ve also asked for a lot at home
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  and of course it' s known that the opposite is worth the shit.
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  And yet. Still. I' m telling you, everything I' ve
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  kept, I' ve been keeping up these years. I' m not
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  that bad, because you can do it to me. I' m not
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  that much of a jog, but, as I' d say the Norway
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  lobster, it' s all about getting on, and I' ve been
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  playing sports and I' ve stayed until I broke my knee playing Rugby.
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  That' s also what I' m thinking. He' s telling you
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  he doesn' t hit you at all. You' re hit by the
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  classic ballet. I don' t know anymore, but I lost that train.
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  I lost it because my knee' s stuck. He' s so
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  into it. It doesn' t get through the breakup. This isn'
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  t bullshit, this isn' t bullshit. I' ve got it fucked
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  up. Really. I had to go to the traumatologist for this. I
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  went to the traumatologist and I swear to God the first thing he said to
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  me as he agreed. I walked in the door. It' s gonna
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  have to wear out and I say look at sorlock medicine studied wouldn' t
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  be the nortito. They' ve already done it to me in that now
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  they call buoniing You' re going to say something I want to say.
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  You' re going to work, what do you recommend, astita, there
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  ' s exercise. I don' t have to do everything. I'
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  m gonna get your paycheck, motherfucker. I fae, I fae a lot,
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  man, no, not that at least it pretends to look at the
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  fizha that I checked the sources that I was already fat before I broke my
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  knee. I was already fat. It' s not the jusa, it
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  ' s not good for me. I was already fat. And this didn
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  ' t sound like it. And now I need silence because I know it
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  sounds, it wasn' t going to sound. It said the sound of
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  your dead. It' s not fixed. This is fucked up. This
• 8:31
  sounds like a village fair. You' re gonna ride the monologue. It
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  ' s like this, and you don' t think that the one who
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  ' s crazy is the monkey. You know, this is bullshit I don
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  ' t like it That' s why they always blame health when someone'
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  s fat or when someone' s fat, but then you know that'
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  s killing me, but I' m still upset about fucking shitty hippies.
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  I' m sorry if any of you just face the typical ones who tell
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  you. Aunt ale cas your body. Your body is wise. You'
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  ve never heard that body thing is wise. It' s almost your body.
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  Ma' am, if I were home, my body would sleep sixteen
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  hours a day and weigh two hundred and fifty pounds pure two hundred. It
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  ' s just that it' s true to touch people who say the body
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  is wise. I say that' s not scientific rigor, and that'
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  s a lie. If the body were wise, there would never be what
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  I call the Bloodmer effect, which is when you get the rule and hangover.
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  That' s not wise. That' s what this motherfucker is.
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  What a body I' m hesitant about. My body' s got a
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  look at me, it' s got a mess, I' ve got
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  gray hairs coming out, they' re starting to want other splinters. Now
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  I don' t have a problem with that, but I' m also
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  starting to sais grains. I haven' t had grains in my whole life,
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  neither in that, nor in puberty, nor in adolescence, nor in
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  the time of making me many wages, never grains. But now with the
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  gray hairs, all together, all together. He put it there for me.
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  Dude, uh, man, I' m confused that you' re
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  looking at twenty- seven pussies, sixty- two. A little bit of
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  balance. A little bit of balance is bullshit, and besides, when they
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  hit it, it still doesn' t lower my rule. Six months he
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  put the rule in like that without taking off. I had to go to
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  the gynecologist too and as she walked in the door. She tells me you
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  ' ve gotten really fat lately and I, like Mira Whatson, don'
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  t have a boyfriend. Another kills something that the hell is going on,
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  because nobody here wants to work. Ha later, then the crack was my
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  nice. He told me not to tell you because you have a polycystic ovary
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  that I already know what I' m thinking. I know the guys I
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  ' ve lost since I said. Gynecologist, I' m not interested in
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  my polycystic mario theme either It sounded like something like I went to the Pope
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  de Poblos wedding and they put us in a muses pita bread. The polycystic
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  father. My Greek accent sucks, but the other Greek I' m good
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  at, let me explain the case. He told me not to see polycystic
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  ovary meaning various vague. So I say like the rest of the body and
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  materialized up here. A minimum service is that it commands here There' s
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  use of this which is uh, I feel bad, why don' t
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  you call it a vague variety and that' s it. The sound of
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  the name is that it' s the desire to make the case dizzy It
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  ' s a bitch. She' s a bitch and you' re thinking
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  she' s got to see all this as she' s fat plot twist
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  turns out here fat has testosterola, she' s got you is torterone male
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  hormone. For those of you who don' t know this is three tiger
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  jokes, these telana have male hormones. Okay, so I' m an
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  inside guy who explains that I like porn so much and blame it on the
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  issue of my problem. But it' s a bitch. She' s
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  a little slut, she' s a bitch, she doesn' t look
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  like it, but she' s a bitch because, well, between the
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  borbonic and that I' m going more verb than Jordi Wyne. If I
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  want blood, it' s the roo of the pussy. I' m
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  going to have to buy a Soa Owski vibrator worth the aunt, already told
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  me, tells me, but you want to have his and not that good,
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  because if you don' t want so many children, nothing happens.
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  I mean, don' t get confused. It' s different. I
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  don' t want to have children and I' ve never really wanted to.
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  I mean, I' m not gonna say the typical thing about giving
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  a figure, because let' s be honest. I took care of it
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  all by myself. But if you remove in the chichi that I' ve
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  seen photos, that stays as if you dropped a pistol just a barbershop.
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  That' s a wreck. Or they' ll seal it for you,
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  they' ll put the other daughter in you. There to smoke joints.
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  Then I' m scared, I' ll look at myself. I'
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  ve got Jimenez doing a psychophony. Hey, I' m not kiddin',
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  but he scratched me Don' t think I' m not touching the
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  girls. You' ll understand, you don' t call him not wanting
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  to have children, not being able to have children. I scratched a lot
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  and scratched a lot and realized that I wanted the same thing as everyone else.
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  I want to be able to get pregnant and abort. I have the
• 13:03
  right to abortion. Hell, yeah, feminist, yeah, pro chois what
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  ' s up, thanks. What if this ace can kill me to see
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  the skinny ones or what I want too. That' s why. That
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  ' s why he gave me a lot of frogs. I got really scratched.
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  I stayed or not. I felt good. I started a very,
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  very, very, very convulsive spiral. Not free buffel and junk food.
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  You' re thinking of nobody. You mean junk food. Don' t
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  touch bottom Some bakeries still have pictures of me to attend to. I mean,
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  yeah, I was breaking up personal relationships and he' s gonna have
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  a flea market without realizing he' s got a problem. Until one day
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  I realized I had a problem. He left a bathroom at 4 a m
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  on New Year' s Eve with Jaime Marichalar and Miguel Miguel Bosé. I
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  saw a mirror with a white film, the istra of guilt because I was
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  eating a desaimada and there I realized that I had a problem because I still
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  had Annun going up to the tiles of cocaine. Man, thanks a lot.
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  That' s it.