Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 103 | What Does the Bible Mean When It Says 'Leave and Cleave'?

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Ep. 103 | What Does the Bible Mean When It Says 'Leave and Cleave'? · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  And it is incredibly important that when you get married that your wife comes first. And this is a very counterintuitive thing for a multigenerational culture.
• 0:12
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Beth Key, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 0:33
  What's up, guys? Jeff and Jeremy here back with another episode of Five Minute Fatherhood. If you're not in the Facebook group, make sure to get in the group. This question we're going to talk about today was actually, I believe, from the group. I think we have almost 1,000 people in there now, 800 or 900 people or fathers, encouraging one another, sharpening each other. But the question we got...
• 0:48
  from a dad in the group here was what does the Bible mean when it says leave and cleave? Because immediately when you start leaning into the family team's concept, you start butting up against this concept of what people always bring up, which is Genesis 1 and 2, against building a multi-generational family team on mission. Meaning when we say live into your story, live into your generations, live into the people above you and below you and around you,
• 1:11
  sometimes that makes some alarms go off for some people in the West of saying like, Oh, doesn't the Bible say when you get married to leave and to go away and to start a new thing. And so this is a tension and the scriptures do say that. So Jeremy, what would you say that means? And how do we kind of wrestle through that?
• 1:25
  Yeah, so it's important to remember the context. So in Genesis 2, it says, So a couple of things about the context. Number one, this is in the book of Genesis, in the Torah, and in the Hebrew Scriptures, in the Old Testament.
• 1:42
  which is all about multi-generational families, right? You have, coming after this statement, the multi-generational family of Noah being talked about. Obviously, Abraham did leave his father's house because he was an idol worshiper, we found out at the end of Joshua. We're told why he left his father's house. But then, of course, Isaac stayed with Abraham's family. Jacob had to leave because there was murder, you know, our potential of him getting killed.
• 2:08
  But then all of his sons live with him. And then, of course, it culminates in the multigenerational sort of reconnection between Joseph and his father Jacob. And the story goes on and on and on. And we can talk about how much multigenerational stories and genealogies there are in the Bible. So what is this talking about?
• 2:24
  in a book written in the Middle East from a Middle Eastern perspective, when it says that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, what is it talking about? And the context, you guys, of course, is that it's talking about marriage. And it is incredibly important that when you get married—
• 2:41
  that your wife comes first. And this is a very counterintuitive thing for a multi-generational culture. And this is something in which the multi-generational values do have to give. And that is that when that woman who is obviously not from your family, maybe not even from your tribe, suddenly through a contractual agreement becomes a part of your family, it could become a problem for you to think that you would put her above your father or your mother.
• 3:07
  And the Bible says you absolutely must put her first. You are one with her. And so in the context of marriage, you are to leave those other relationships. Every other relationship in your life pales in comparison to the oneness that you need to develop and protect with your wife or with your husband. So that's what it's talking about. It's really not talking about the structure of the family. In other words, it's completely normal if you are one with your wife to,
• 3:36
  to honor and build a multi-generational family team with your generations both upstream and downstream. And you see that happening throughout the Bible. But what really is important is while you're building multi-generational family teams, that you do not ever slip into a scenario where you don't put your husband or wife first. They are the most important person in your life. Their preferences, their presence, their needs
• 4:03
  always are the most important thing to the husband or the wife, even in the context of a multigenerational family. So I do not think this at all is saying that we do not build families multigenerationally, and I certainly don't think it means that we ought to hit the reset button every single generation. It means that when you get married, that relationship and that oneness is the top priority in your life.
• 4:26
  Exactly. And I think that's what I love about the scriptures is they cut both ways, right? So someone who gets married and then maybe the mother-in-law in some ways is almost basically pontificating the entire marriage behind the scenes. Yeah, that person needs to hear leave and cleave, actually be obedient to the scriptures of a new entity being formed.
• 4:44
  and submit to God's design for what that means in a marriage. And then people who obviously I would say in the more predominant narrative, which they don't realize it because we're more in this, you know, fish in the water we're swimming in is the opposite of that of, you know, restart, reset, just blow up everything before you and disconnect and don't care about the stories and start fresh and start new when it's like, no, no, no. Have you read the scriptures? The entire thing is all about connecting to the generations and telling a story multi-generationally and actually caring about your ancestors and creating a legacy forward for your future in the same way. So it's like it cuts both ways. Right.
• 5:13
  And one thing I'll say to end on is I think the way they did housing structure in the Middle East, I mean, I'm sure it's, I think it's like this even now, but back then is when you got married, you didn't necessarily move into the house. They built a little extension on the house and you moved into that. And I think that's a perfect metaphor for what this verse is actually saying. You don't move into the house, right? You don't go move into the house with your mom and dad.
• 5:35
  But you don't go move 3000 miles away. Now, again, this is a metaphor. I'm not saying like don't move into the house or don't move 3000 miles away, but you get a little extension connected to the house. So if that house is a metaphor for your last name, then connect to it. Just don't move in the house. Right. You're kind of and I think that's a really cool picture of building because then, you know, think about 10 generations from now. You have this kind of.
• 5:57
  hodgepodge connected, like 10 houses all connected in one, but that's a really cool picture of legacy of your last name and of a household, which is what the scriptures is talking about when it says that. So that's what it looks like guys. And that's what we're encouraging you with today.
• 6:11
  Hey guys, one of our favorite places to hang out on is the family teams, Instagram. That is where you will find tips, quotes, tricks, and a bunch of other conversational things to help you build your family team on mission. If you're on Instagram and you want to get encouragement as you do this and build your family team, just head over to Instagram and follow us at family teams.