Latest / Groove with Portia / Can You Be Grateful for Your Life and Still Want More?

Transcript

Can You Be Grateful for Your Life and Still Want More? · Groove with Portia

0:06
Speaker 1: Welcome to Guru Portia, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
0:09
Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Portia, the producer, and
0:13
Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
0:16
Speaker 1: where we will exchange laughter. Of course, the best medicine
0:18
Speaker 1: of them all. Reflect on cherished memories. Remember that time
0:21
Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
0:23
Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park? Yikes. And of course, discover
0:26
Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges, loss. So
0:32
Speaker 1: get ready to grew with me, Portia, the producer. Let's
0:35
Speaker 1: dive in. So Why, hello, everyone, and welcome back to Groove, Portia.
0:48
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Portia Booker, and as always, don't forget
0:50
Speaker 1: to like, share, and subscribe to keep up with all
0:52
Speaker 1: things Groove with Portia. So one of the things that
0:56
Speaker 1: I recognize in 2026 is that this year marks the
1:01
Speaker 1: 10 years since I started and also left my TV career.
1:05
Speaker 1: But some of you may or may not know the
1:07
Speaker 1: real backstory about why I actually left. And one of
1:11
Speaker 1: the things was, yeah, I was excited that I landed
1:14
Speaker 1: the dream job, right? Talk about luck charm where I
1:18
Speaker 1: found it on Facebook, true story, found it on Facebook, applied,
1:22
Speaker 1: and then got a phone call the same day for
1:23
Speaker 1: an interview. Who does that happen to? Not very many people,
1:27
Speaker 1: but it happened to me. Station flew me down there,
1:30
Speaker 1: did a full in-person interview, paid for me to stay
1:32
Speaker 1: in a five-star hotel.
1:33
Speaker 2: Yes, this is true.
1:35
Speaker 1: But I knew once I started the job, I could
1:39
Speaker 1: feel that there was a disconnect for me.
1:42
Speaker 2: I wanted more.
1:43
Speaker 1: There was more to storytelling that this particular job was
1:48
Speaker 1: not giving me.
1:49
Speaker 2: So I had to leave.
1:50
Speaker 1: Even though I left and I felt that sense of guilt, regret,
1:55
Speaker 1: I didn't have a job lined up, but I knew
1:57
Speaker 1: there was more to Portia's life than the seat of
2:00
Speaker 1: occupancy that I sat in 10 years ago. So for
2:03
Speaker 1: our audience today, I have a very special guest who
2:06
Speaker 1: is no secret to, no pun intended, blowing up your
2:09
Speaker 1: life unexpectedly. She's the author of the new book, Blow
2:12
Speaker 1: Up Your Life, The Wild Art of Wanting More. So
2:16
Speaker 1: without further delay, welcome to Guru of Portia, Miss Anya,
2:20
Speaker 1: excuse me, Anya Rock.
2:22
Speaker 2: Anya, how are you today?
2:23
Speaker 3: I'm wonderful. Thank you. Thanks for having me.
2:27
Speaker 1: Anya, I couldn't wait to have this conversation because I
2:29
Speaker 1: think a lot of people are in this boat right now.
2:32
Speaker 1: where they have the dream job, the career, the marriage,
2:39
Speaker 1: the house with the white picket fence, and maybe turtles
2:42
Speaker 1: are walking up and down serving you, you know, food
2:44
Speaker 1: all day, right? But there's that yearning that there's still more.
2:50
Speaker 1: It's not 100%, but there's still that I want something more.
2:55
Speaker 1: And I'm curious for our audience, any, God, I'm going
2:58
Speaker 1: to keep calling you, Anya. Okay.
2:59
Speaker 3: Okay.
3:00
Speaker 1: Anya, for our audience today, you had it all. The career,
3:06
Speaker 1: the marriage, probably the multitude of friends. Yet you described
3:12
Speaker 1: that feeling of numb as I brought up before. With
3:15
Speaker 1: my TV career, there was this emptiness that I felt.
3:19
Speaker 1: And I'm curious, Anya, for you, was there a part
3:22
Speaker 1: of yourself you were already grieving before you made the
3:26
Speaker 1: decision to change your life?
3:28
Speaker 3: A hundred percent. Yeah. I think that's such an interesting
3:32
Speaker 3: observation because I feel as women, we do that particularly.
3:36
Speaker 3: And I did, I found myself having everything I dreamed
3:41
Speaker 3: of that I created, right? A beautiful life and a
3:43
Speaker 3: marriage and my kids and friendships. And it was all beautiful.
3:50
Speaker 3: And there was more I desired. And I think we're
3:54
Speaker 3: often stuck between the two of feeling, can I be
3:57
Speaker 3: grateful for what I have and still want more. Does
4:00
Speaker 3: that make it okay to want more? And inside of
4:06
Speaker 3: the life and the marriage, I was slowly kind of,
4:10
Speaker 3: as you say, grieving what was because I didn't want
4:15
Speaker 3: to admit to myself. I definitely didn't want to be divorced.
4:18
Speaker 3: I didn't want my kids to grow up. I grew
4:20
Speaker 3: up with divorced parents. And so because I was clinging
4:25
Speaker 3: to what the What I thought mattered, I was slowly
4:30
Speaker 3: kind of letting go of what was inside me so
4:34
Speaker 3: that when I came to the decision and did end
4:37
Speaker 3: up blowing up my life, I'm sure a lot of
4:41
Speaker 3: it felt fast to other people, but I had done
4:43
Speaker 3: a lot of the work on the inside.
4:47
Speaker 1: You know, Anya, I started laughing when you brought up
4:50
Speaker 1: about gratitude because I don't think people understand. Yeah, you're
4:53
Speaker 1: grateful for everything you've created. This beautiful life with these
4:58
Speaker 1: amazing friends, experiences. I mean, something that you could put
5:02
Speaker 1: into a book or even its own whole social media reel, right?
5:07
Speaker 1: And then at the same time, there's this, am I
5:12
Speaker 1: okay to be grateful but still yearn for more than
5:15
Speaker 1: what's before me? Learning is everything.
5:19
Speaker 3: Learning is it. That's what we're here for. We are
5:25
Speaker 3: put in this experience of life to create. And then
5:31
Speaker 3: if you look at nature, everything that's created in the
5:34
Speaker 3: spring dies in the fall and it all starts again.
5:37
Speaker 3: Why are we different? Yeah.
5:40
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, not, it's funny.
5:42
Speaker 1: I knew you bring that up because I had a
5:43
Speaker 1: conversation about that with someone about grief. I said, the
5:47
Speaker 1: seasons run on their own time where, whether you're going
5:52
Speaker 1: from fall to winter, the leaves are coming all down.
5:57
Speaker 1: You've got snow all the way up to your door,
5:59
Speaker 1: but we abide by the changes that nature has. But
6:06
Speaker 1: for us, it seems that there's this urgency, especially when
6:11
Speaker 1: we're in this uncomfortable boat, right? And sometimes I wonder
6:17
Speaker 1: like what in the world, like how did we end
6:21
Speaker 1: up here sometimes where we're so consumed about what's before
6:26
Speaker 1: us that we don't realize all the other things happening simultaneously?
6:30
Speaker 2: Yeah.
6:31
Speaker 3: And sitting with the discomfort is such an important piece
6:34
Speaker 3: that you named because You know that time right before
6:41
Speaker 3: the first bloom and you're looking out the window and
6:44
Speaker 3: it's barren and you're like, when is spring going to come?
6:48
Speaker 3: But there's all of this stuff happening below the surface.
6:52
Speaker 3: And I think that many of us in that season
6:56
Speaker 3: have been designed and been sold that we should be
7:02
Speaker 3: distracted and we should sort of consume more and really
7:06
Speaker 3: be The art of being a human and the art
7:10
Speaker 3: of growing into adulthood and the art of happiness maybe
7:14
Speaker 3: is learning to sit with that discomfort and to let
7:20
Speaker 3: it be. And we can't fix it. We can't change it.
7:23
Speaker 3: And we just have to find the joy in it
7:26
Speaker 3: because there is something on the other side.
7:29
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
7:30
Speaker 1: I mean, that's the character builder right there. So many
7:34
Speaker 1: of us see the detour. And we just want to
7:37
Speaker 1: run away. But realistically, that detour is that development muscle
7:42
Speaker 1: that we need to reach that next step. And Anya,
7:46
Speaker 1: one of the things that I know is that both
7:48
Speaker 1: of us making those pivots and transitions in our life,
7:51
Speaker 1: it takes courage to do that. And there's also that
7:55
Speaker 1: fear sitting with you as well. And I'm curious, Anya,
7:59
Speaker 1: what were you most afraid you might lose if you
8:03
Speaker 1: acknowledged what you really wanted?
8:07
Speaker 3: Ooh, good question. I mean, I was at that moment
8:15
Speaker 3: because I was a mother and a wife and a woman,
8:19
Speaker 3: and I had put a lot of my self, sort
8:24
Speaker 3: of my value in creating a good life for my kids.
8:29
Speaker 3: I think the tear for me in the pull was,
8:32
Speaker 3: am I still going to be what they need? Am
8:35
Speaker 3: I still going to be I don't love the good
8:38
Speaker 3: mother because I think it's a setup for failure, but
8:42
Speaker 3: you know, we kind of compartment, we sort of like,
8:44
Speaker 3: I believe we put parts of ourself away in order
8:47
Speaker 3: to be who we think we're supposed to be in
8:50
Speaker 3: the world. And the more we can reclaim those parts
8:54
Speaker 3: and be the fullness of who we are, we're actually
8:56
Speaker 3: better for everybody, but there is courage. And in that moment,
9:00
Speaker 3: I was most afraid that I would fail my kids.
9:02
Speaker 3: I would, you know, um, come out on the other
9:06
Speaker 3: side and have regrets. And thankfully I have a great
9:08
Speaker 3: therapist who would always say to me, let's not leave
9:13
Speaker 3: any stone unturned, like really sit with, take the story
9:18
Speaker 3: all the way to the end, really sit with all
9:21
Speaker 3: the possibilities so that when you make that choice, when
9:24
Speaker 3: you have the knowing in your body, you know that
9:27
Speaker 3: it's coming from a true desire and you haven't, you know, it's,
9:34
Speaker 3: even though blow up your life is provocative, truly the
9:37
Speaker 3: wild art of wanting more is the thread that is
9:42
Speaker 3: the current of what us as women can follow.
9:45
Speaker 2: Oh, a hundred percent.
9:47
Speaker 1: I mean, and I'm glad Anya, you brought up this
9:51
Speaker 1: about being a woman, because I feel like right now,
9:53
Speaker 1: the way that social media is, it makes it a
9:58
Speaker 1: challenge to, feel confident and okay to be a woman, right?
10:05
Speaker 1: And I think too, when I think about the way
10:08
Speaker 1: I grew up, I grew up in a household that
10:10
Speaker 1: was strong led by women. So I had my great grandmother,
10:16
Speaker 1: my mother, And my great aunt, who lived next door.
10:21
Speaker 1: And each of them are part of different generations. The
10:24
Speaker 1: great generation, my great grandmother, and then my mama, Boomer.
10:28
Speaker 1: And then me, I'm a millennial. So they have a
10:33
Speaker 1: different set of standards and also historical traumas that shaped
10:39
Speaker 1: who they were. And what we're seeing today on social media,
10:44
Speaker 1: what this whole Cornell thing, right? And I don't want
10:46
Speaker 1: to go down that rabbit hole, but I have to
10:48
Speaker 1: because these younger women are seeing, I hate to say it,
10:53
Speaker 1: what my great grandmother and my mother went through to
10:59
Speaker 1: get to where they are today. Well, both of them
11:01
Speaker 1: are deceased now, but I think about that just as
11:05
Speaker 1: where are we coming to? as a society. And how
11:10
Speaker 1: can we as women feel that sense of I'm still
11:16
Speaker 1: valuable in a world that often shows you that you're
11:21
Speaker 1: not based on what you see?
11:24
Speaker 2: Yeah.
11:25
Speaker 3: Yeah. And we're seeing the system illuminated, right? We're seeing, oh,
11:30
Speaker 3: this is exactly how the system works again and again
11:33
Speaker 3: over the last few years. And it's a system that
11:37
Speaker 3: our mothers and grandmothers lived within with, with much less
11:41
Speaker 3: voice and much less autonomy and agency. And every generation
11:48
Speaker 3: has just had a little bit more autonomy and agency.
11:53
Speaker 3: And I do, I mean, yesterday I, you know, UCLA
11:56
Speaker 3: students marched demanding, you know, more, um, visibility and, you know,
12:04
Speaker 3: more safety on campus. And I love to see it.
12:08
Speaker 3: I'm like, great. This is, this is your generation. I
12:11
Speaker 3: have a daughter who's going to go to college in
12:12
Speaker 3: a few years. And I think these conversations are important
12:18
Speaker 3: and healthy and awful at the same time. We, you know,
12:21
Speaker 3: it's terrible to be having them again. But I've also
12:26
Speaker 3: seen what I, what I believe and I write about
12:29
Speaker 3: it in the book is that when, you know, my mother,
12:33
Speaker 3: my grandmother, their traumas, sometimes we can project our fears
12:40
Speaker 3: onto the younger generation because we've lived through things. And
12:44
Speaker 3: what our work is, I believe my work is to
12:48
Speaker 3: sort of do my own healing, stay in my lane,
12:52
Speaker 3: give her the nuggets of wisdom and let her have
12:54
Speaker 3: a voice and let her experience, right? That generation, she's
12:58
Speaker 3: a teenager. So that I'm not projecting my fear of
13:03
Speaker 3: what might happen and could happen, but I'm also guiding
13:07
Speaker 3: her to, you know, we do have wisdom. Our grandmothers,
13:11
Speaker 3: they had some wisdom. We might not want to hear it. Oh, yeah.
13:18
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. You're not kidding.
13:20
Speaker 1: And I have to say, you have children that are teenagers.
13:25
Speaker 1: I hate to say it, but you almost don't look
13:27
Speaker 1: like you can have children. So, you know, kudos to
13:31
Speaker 1: your children to have you and to be this voice
13:35
Speaker 1: that reminds, especially your daughters of what they're seeing in
13:40
Speaker 1: the world.
13:40
Speaker 3: And your sons.
13:42
Speaker 2: I mean, so much.
13:44
Speaker 3: Important to raise young men who believe in, you know, treating,
13:50
Speaker 3: standing up for women and, you know, speaking up when
13:55
Speaker 3: things are out of place. And that's a huge highlight
13:59
Speaker 3: of what we've seen this week with Cornell is like,
14:01
Speaker 3: can we raise young men who do better as well?
14:04
Speaker 3: And it isn't, it's time for the burden to come
14:07
Speaker 3: off of women and for men to participate in a
14:11
Speaker 3: different way of being in a new society.
14:14
Speaker 1: Oh, a hundred percent, a hundred percent. And I can
14:16
Speaker 1: say Anya that there are definitely good men. I have
14:20
Speaker 1: one in my corner. So Anya, before we continue with
14:26
Speaker 1: the rest of the conversation, if our audience wants to
14:28
Speaker 1: connect with you, obviously get a copy of blow up
14:32
Speaker 1: your life, the wild art of wanting more.
14:34
Speaker 2: How can our audience connect with you today?
14:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can find me on Instagram. It's underscore Anya
14:41
Speaker 3: underscore rock. You can go buy the book, blow up
14:44
Speaker 3: your life. Anywhere where you buy your books, support your
14:48
Speaker 3: local bookstore. If you're an Amazon shopper and the convenience is,
14:51
Speaker 3: you know, queen to you, that's okay too. And then
14:54
Speaker 3: my website is Anya and Anya is spelled A-I-N-E rock.com.
15:01
Speaker 2: Excellent.
15:02
Speaker 1: So as Anya mentioned, you can find our book on Amazon.
15:06
Speaker 1: You can follow her on Instagram, Anya underscore rock. If
15:10
Speaker 1: you forget what this podcast is even about and what
15:12
Speaker 1: we're talking about, you can use AI to find us
15:15
Speaker 1: as well if you forget, because of course, that's the
15:18
Speaker 1: way the world is going.
15:20
Speaker 3: That's right. Just put me into chat and say, who's
15:22
Speaker 3: the blow up your life lady and you'll find me.
15:26
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like we're the same. I'll sometimes
15:28
Speaker 1: do a Google search to see what Google says about me.
15:33
Speaker 1: Because I want to know, like, what does people think
15:35
Speaker 1: of me? Are people actually Googling me to see if
15:37
Speaker 1: I'm like real and not a figment of their imagination?
15:40
Speaker 1: Do they think that my real name is not Portia?
15:42
Speaker 1: I've had people ask me that question.
15:44
Speaker 2: Is your name Portia? Yes, it is. It's on my
15:45
Speaker 2: birth certificate is my real name. But I digress there.
15:48
Speaker 1: Anya, one of the things that, you know, I'm I
15:52
Speaker 1: took away from your book is you speak about reclaiming yourself,
15:56
Speaker 1: but I'm curious about the identity piece because we carry
16:02
Speaker 1: multiple identities from when we, divorce, when we graduate from
16:07
Speaker 1: high school to college, take our first big girl job
16:10
Speaker 1: and have to put on our big girl panties and
16:12
Speaker 1: go out to the world, right? I'm curious, how did
16:15
Speaker 1: you distinguish between the expectations you needed to release and
16:21
Speaker 1: the parts of yourself you still valued?
16:26
Speaker 3: It is, I think, about integrating. So I mentioned this earlier.
16:30
Speaker 3: I think we take as part of, you know, we
16:34
Speaker 3: all have Wounds we'll call them, right? We all have
16:36
Speaker 3: things we've lived through in life that, um, and we
16:39
Speaker 3: create a sort of persona that we think the world
16:42
Speaker 3: will accept. And we go out into the world. That's
16:46
Speaker 3: where the good, good girl, good mother, good wife, right?
16:49
Speaker 3: I'm going to, my mom told me to go to college,
16:51
Speaker 3: get a good job and everything will be okay. Why
16:55
Speaker 3: isn't everything okay? I have, I just, you know, I
16:59
Speaker 3: got a job. I do something I love. I am married.
17:03
Speaker 3: I have kids. Why am I wondering if there's more?
17:08
Speaker 3: And it's because along the way, we've abandoned ourselves in
17:14
Speaker 3: pursuit of what other people told us we would be
17:17
Speaker 3: fulfilled by instead of turning inward and finding out what
17:22
Speaker 3: is fulfillment mean to me today. So the integration of
17:26
Speaker 3: all of those parts, little nine-year-old Portia who had a dream,
17:31
Speaker 3: the 13 year old who, you know, whose dream grew
17:34
Speaker 3: up and you became a woman and you went off
17:36
Speaker 3: to college or you got your first job and the
17:40
Speaker 3: version of you now and the version of you in
17:42
Speaker 3: 20 years, like she is meant to change for everyone listening.
17:47
Speaker 3: You are who you are today. But I think of
17:51
Speaker 3: us as like nesting dolls. All those smaller parts are
17:54
Speaker 3: within you. And when we can actually embrace them, and
17:58
Speaker 3: integrate them and let them inform our full expression, our aliveness,
18:05
Speaker 3: we have so much more to give the world. We
18:09
Speaker 3: don't have to trade. We can actually bring all those
18:14
Speaker 3: parts with us. The woman who got that job on
18:16
Speaker 3: Facebook and took that job, you wouldn't be here today
18:20
Speaker 3: with a microphone if she hadn't existed. So it's all
18:25
Speaker 3: of you. And the more of you, all of you
18:27
Speaker 3: that shows up, the more I believe people respond to
18:31
Speaker 3: us and we actually end up getting more of what
18:33
Speaker 3: we want in life.
18:36
Speaker 1: Anya, I smiled when you brought up about us remembering
18:41
Speaker 1: that we can evolve. And we tend to, I hate
18:46
Speaker 1: to say it, get so many different seeds implanted in
18:49
Speaker 1: us as kids about what the perfect job or career
18:53
Speaker 1: is for us.
18:55
Speaker 2: I remember as.
18:56
Speaker 1: A little nine-year-old girl, I knew I always wanted to
18:59
Speaker 1: pursue something in storytelling. And my mom used to get
19:02
Speaker 1: upset when I would sit in the kitchen with my
19:05
Speaker 1: great-grandmother and watch soap operas at the age of four.
19:08
Speaker 2: So I could recite every single soap opera. To the T,
19:13
Speaker 2: every intro, everything. Yeah.
19:15
Speaker 1: But then, of course, as you mentioned, we reach a
19:18
Speaker 1: certain age and we're told to grow up. And then
19:22
Speaker 1: we suppress, suppress, suppress until one day that yearning.
19:28
Speaker 2: Is like, I got to get out of here. It's
19:31
Speaker 2: like fireworks, explosion. And you're ready for more.
19:35
Speaker 3: Yeah.
19:37
Speaker 1: And I think I'm glad that you reiterated, too, that
19:40
Speaker 1: it's okay to evolve. Because I think so many people
19:44
Speaker 1: are seeing that now, especially because of COVID. The job
19:48
Speaker 1: market has changed. AI has changed so many different things
19:51
Speaker 1: for people You know, the list goes on. Anya, one
19:56
Speaker 1: of the things I want to go back to the
19:57
Speaker 1: title of your book, Blow Up Your Life, because, of course, me,
19:59
Speaker 1: I grew up as a kid playing with all boys. So,
20:02
Speaker 1: of course, blowing up stuff, playing with playing sports, getting
20:06
Speaker 1: hit with basketballs, jamming your fingers, playing, you know, was
20:11
Speaker 1: a sink the bottle in the creek.
20:13
Speaker 2: All the above.
20:14
Speaker 1: I had no problem getting my hands dirty and I
20:16
Speaker 1: still don't to this day. Me and my boyfriend, we
20:18
Speaker 1: work on car stuff sometimes. So my mom didn't want
20:22
Speaker 1: me to do that. But when I think about your book,
20:25
Speaker 1: Blow Up Your Life, The Wild Art of Wanting More,
20:29
Speaker 1: I'm curious for our audience today, Anya, how can someone
20:34
Speaker 1: begin listening to their own desires without assuming they need
20:39
Speaker 1: to dismantle every single thing that they've built?
20:43
Speaker 3: Great question. Great question. It's a twofold answer. And one
20:48
Speaker 3: is the things we're most afraid of and we're avoiding
20:51
Speaker 3: sometimes are are worth investigating. And, you know, I am,
20:57
Speaker 3: I I'm root agnostic. Like you probably need to blow
21:02
Speaker 3: up a version of you. If you're sitting in, you know,
21:05
Speaker 3: in this conversation, if your curiosity is bringing you to
21:08
Speaker 3: this table, there's probably something here for you. Some part
21:13
Speaker 3: of you that you are, you know, would rather not
21:16
Speaker 3: look at some part of your life that you might
21:18
Speaker 3: be sort of like, well, I'll just deal with that later. And,
21:22
Speaker 3: you know, I have clients who are married, clients who
21:25
Speaker 3: aren't married. I am not against, you know, husbands or
21:30
Speaker 3: marriage or partnership. But I'm always asking, are the trades
21:37
Speaker 3: you're making in your favor? Are you really aware of
21:41
Speaker 3: what the, you know, what negotiations you're making kind of
21:44
Speaker 3: on the daily basis? Because if you are putting everyone's
21:49
Speaker 3: needs before you, if you are sort of dying on
21:55
Speaker 3: the hill of sacrificing for the family or even the job,
22:02
Speaker 3: there's a signal there that's worth paying attention to. And
22:05
Speaker 3: the wild art of wanting more is about listening. It's
22:09
Speaker 3: about tuning in and listening to our bodies, reclaiming pleasure
22:14
Speaker 3: as natural, as how we are actually meant to experience
22:22
Speaker 3: the world. We are put in this body. This body
22:26
Speaker 3: feels pleasure. And what if pleasure could lead you to
22:30
Speaker 3: the next step instead of what should I do next?
22:33
Speaker 3: We're always using our brain, right? We're using logic, like
22:37
Speaker 3: what makes sense? And I'm asking you, my clients, to
22:40
Speaker 3: go in and feel what's the next right thing. Where
22:46
Speaker 3: would pleasure take me? And can I reclaim that for
22:50
Speaker 3: myself and then watch the world around me, my relationship
22:54
Speaker 3: with my kids, my partner, watch those relationships shift and
22:58
Speaker 3: change because I'm taking back the version of me that asks,
23:06
Speaker 3: where would pleasure take me today? What do I really want?
23:10
Speaker 3: We don't do that when we're putting everyone else ahead
23:12
Speaker 3: of us.
23:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Anya, you hit the nail on the head.
23:18
Speaker 1: especially us as women, because we're so conditioned to put
23:23
Speaker 1: the family first, put the kids first, and then we
23:27
Speaker 1: come last. But then sometimes it takes that one straw
23:31
Speaker 1: that breaks the camel's back for you to be like,
23:33
Speaker 1: I'm done with this.
23:35
Speaker 2: I'm putting me first. Yeah.
23:38
Speaker 3: And can we, can we start to, no, again, I
23:41
Speaker 3: know blow up your life is provocative. But you could
23:44
Speaker 3: actually start asking those questions before you're so resentful and
23:49
Speaker 3: so buried in the expectation. Like, why does it never
23:53
Speaker 3: come back to me? Well, have you ever communicated that
23:57
Speaker 3: you would actually like someone to empty the dishwasher without
24:01
Speaker 3: being asked?
24:04
Speaker 2: Okay. Okay.
24:06
Speaker 3: It always comes back to our own agency and our
24:09
Speaker 3: own participation.
24:10
Speaker 1: And....
24:13
Speaker 3: Asking for what we desire. And I mean, I literally, Porsche,
24:16
Speaker 3: I talked to women who are like, I don't even
24:18
Speaker 3: know what I want for lunch. I haven't even thought
24:20
Speaker 3: about it. I'm so, I know what everybody else wants
24:23
Speaker 3: and what everybody else needs, but actually making an inventory
24:27
Speaker 3: of the things that you want and desire. It's kind
24:30
Speaker 3: of new territory for a lot of us. Yeah.
24:34
Speaker 1: Anya, that may have to be a part two of
24:36
Speaker 1: this conversation because it's true. I'm the same way. I
24:41
Speaker 1: meet individuals every day. A lot of times it's people
24:45
Speaker 1: who have just recently lost someone. And I often ask them,
24:48
Speaker 1: how can I help you? Do you want me to
24:50
Speaker 1: come over and just sit with you if you're still
24:53
Speaker 1: working just to give them that sense of company? And
24:56
Speaker 1: they just sit there. They know what they need, but
25:01
Speaker 1: it's hard for them to even ask.
25:04
Speaker 3: Yes. And you know, I've, I've, especially in the grief portal, similarly,
25:10
Speaker 3: like when you have someone who's had a baby, the
25:13
Speaker 3: best thing you could do is not ask, just do,
25:17
Speaker 3: you know what they need. You could probably, you know,
25:20
Speaker 3: intuit what someone who's going through a grief portal needs
25:24
Speaker 3: that in that case, it almost feels like another thing
25:27
Speaker 3: they have to sort of do. And I, I have
25:30
Speaker 3: experienced the best, the most general generous gift Of guiding,
25:36
Speaker 3: as you talk about guiding someone through grief is to
25:39
Speaker 3: just show up and be there and hold space and
25:43
Speaker 3: allow for us to just be human. Oof.
25:46
Speaker 2: Yes. That's what I'm saying.
25:48
Speaker 1: We could probably do a part three about this. Cause it's,
25:52
Speaker 1: it's hitting so many people right now.
25:54
Speaker 2: Yeah.
25:55
Speaker 3: And.
25:56
Speaker 1: You're right about that just showing up piece. I always
25:59
Speaker 1: ask because some people are weird. They don't want you
26:01
Speaker 1: just showing up at their house. So that's why I
26:03
Speaker 1: always ask because you just never know, right? I don't
26:06
Speaker 1: want to get there and then your cat attacks me
26:08
Speaker 1: from the roof type of thing.
26:09
Speaker 2: You just never know. Anya, this has been a beautiful.
26:13
Speaker 1: Conversation and I thank you so much for coming on.
26:17
Speaker 1: We're going to be wrapping up here soon, but I
26:19
Speaker 1: want to ask you one last question, Anya. After leaving
26:23
Speaker 1: behind The life that you created, that career, the marriage,
26:29
Speaker 1: rebuilding your identity, learning to listen to what you really
26:33
Speaker 1: want inside here and allowing pleasure to be that leader
26:38
Speaker 1: for you. What does finding your groove mean to you today?
26:42
Speaker 3: You know, you talked about courage earlier. and the unknown
26:49
Speaker 3: and what's unseen. And so much when we're, when we're
26:53
Speaker 3: on the precipice of change, a lot of people will
26:55
Speaker 3: come in with their fear and they'll say, don't, you know,
26:57
Speaker 3: don't do it. You're crazy. Don't change anything. Why would you?
27:01
Speaker 3: It's perfect. You have the great job. You have a marriage.
27:03
Speaker 3: He's not that bad. All the things I will report
27:08
Speaker 3: back from the other side saying it is always worth
27:12
Speaker 3: it because who you become on the other side the
27:16
Speaker 3: relationships I have with my children, the life that I'm living,
27:20
Speaker 3: the choices I'm making, the version of myself that I
27:25
Speaker 3: became by walking through that fire is so much more
27:29
Speaker 3: vibrant and alive and whole and worth every, you know, there's,
27:36
Speaker 3: it had a high cost along the way, but it
27:39
Speaker 3: was worth everything to be the woman I am today.
27:43
Speaker 2: Excellent.
27:44
Speaker 1: Well, everybody, that was Miss Anya Rock that you heard
27:49
Speaker 1: from today on Guru of Portia. And that concludes our conversation.
27:53
Speaker 1: And until next time, everybody, peace and hair grease, everyone.