Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Nate Jackson Crowd Work Pack_ Cleveland PT 1

Transcript

Nate Jackson Crowd Work Pack_ Cleveland PT 1 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Right there, in the Fantasia Barino wig. So let's just
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: with y'all for a little while. We're going to work
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: her back in. We'll probably get you right there. Pastor,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: you all right with being involved? Yeah, look at that beard.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: You definitely look.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Like a pastor. First AME.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: You said pastor? I look like a pastor? You don't
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: sound like one, but yes, sir, you do indeed look
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: like one. I would let you baptize me.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: What do you do? You're not a pastor? What do
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: you do? Hello? You do a lot of different things. Okay, okay.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Do you know her? Because you over-served her. Her powder
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: this week, you should have gave her just one little bump.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: You gave her a whole snowball, nigga. She back there
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: acting up. Mister, I do a lot of things. I
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: know dope when I hear it. That's BMF, nigga. I
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: know what he said. I do a lot of things,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: little nigga. You sell clothes? What's that say? This your outfit? Well,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: let's tell the people about it. I believe in small
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: business shit. No, speak up so we know what you
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: got on. Keep.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: It says, keep going, don't let small ruin your day.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Stand up, let them see it.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: I see it already. There you go.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: If you want, I like that. I thought that was
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: a cereal box, but I like the messaging, you understand?
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: And that's what I'm trying to do now, because I
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: was late, I was scrambling, I'm trying to find a bag,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I run through the snow, I damn near totaled a Suburban,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I jump out, I run through that to the stage,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: and then the crackhead yelling out. So I'm trying not
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: to let... The small things ruin my day. Now, let's
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: move on. This side is very lively. I appreciate where
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: we're at right now, but I got to get them
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: up to speed. So give me a second to give
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: them some attention. Let's talk to this white family right here.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Can you see them? Are they too close?
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Trina, I want the one with the legs crossing her
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: hands folded to her side like she's in a little canoe.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: That's who I want to talk to. The one turning
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: red with the little ear. She just put her hair
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: over it, but the ear, it's too much ear for
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: the hair. So now there's hair in front and behind
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: the ear. What's your name, sweetheart? Did you just ask
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: me if I was talking to you after as descriptive
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: as I just was?
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Is that what we gonna do tonight, Cleveland? Am I
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: just picking the crackheads? Okay, Taylor, I'm going.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: To tell you right now, your voice was a little
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: more rougher than I thought it was going to be.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: What are you, you a volleyball coach or something? You
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: yell at a lot of kids? What do you do then? Goddamn. Huh?
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: You're a teacher? Okay. Is that why your voice is hoarse?
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Your children are bad? What do you teach, 7th, 8th grade?
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: 6th grade. Special ed?
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, uh-huh. Do you know, have you met, anyway? You
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: know Kina Cousin? I don't want to say her name.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: She'll activate.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: We got to call her Kina Cousin because if she
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: hear Brandi.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Ah, ah, ah, hold up, hold up, fuck that.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: That not talking about.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Me right now? Hold the fuck up.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: So you special ed teacher, sixth grade. And so I
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: said volleyball coach, and they pointed at somebody else. Are
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: you a volleyball coach for real?
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: That's crazy. I was just throwing that out there. I
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: didn't know that. I felt something in this area with
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: a spike or a. Okay. Y'all some strong looking white
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: girls on this side. What do you do? You strong.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I see you.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: You a nurse?
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: You be picking the patients up, huh? They be like,
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: put me down, bitch. How tall are you? You look tall.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Six what? Five eight? They want to see you. You
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: got to stand your ass up, baby. Yeah, look at it.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Don't turn it around, dude. Spinning my hand, bitch, I
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: get it popping. Now watch out.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: So you got a volleyball coach. We got a crackhead.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: A nurse! Who's this with you in the baby blue? Carly?
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Y'all got some deep ass voices. Carly.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Has it always been Carly or did you like, did
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: you add the EY recently?
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Is it Carl? You just sick? Okay, well, don't talk
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: too much.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get sick too with that goddamn voice,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: for I sound like a deep-voiced white woman tomorrow.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Anyway.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you know them right there, or is it
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: a racial divide?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: You don't know them? So who is that? They're another
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: ethnicity entirely. Is that a table full of Cape Verdeans
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: or something? What are y'all?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: What are you against the window? Yeah, you with the
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: deep-set eyes and no lips. Goddamn, you ain't got no lips. Shit,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: can you blow a bubble when you chew gum?
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: He look like a drawing. Look at him. Whistle. Well, don't.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: You be the cut me from there. That nigga whistle.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: He ain't got no lips. It was too sharp of
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: a note. It was a F. What's your name, little lips?
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: Huh?
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Christian. Outstanding. So is he.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: He got a whole church, but he don't want to
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: tell everybody about it. He down there making communion and
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: screen printing. And then who are the two ladies enjoying
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: this little moment?
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: You don't know them? You by yourself? You with y'all? Oh,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: so this ain't a double date? Damn, it should be.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Y'all look good together. You in the chinchilla. You should
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: get with him. He sell used trucks. What's your name,
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: my friend? Alejandro. Goddamn. But you're a roofer? What do
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: you do? I don't mean no disrespect. He might.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he look like a roofer to me. What do
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: you do, Alejandro? You're in the car business?
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Sales manager? Use trucks? I call that shit right off
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: the top. I'm on fire right now, boy.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: We got a volleyball teacher and a handicap coach and a.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: And a used car salesman, and he ain't got no lips.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: What do you do with no lips? You sell cars too?
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: He'd be like, get this. I'll beat your mother.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: So them ladies is pretty. Y'all saw them, right? Is
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: there one of them you think might float your boat, Alejandro? Huh?
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Little Lips likes one of them. Which one you like,
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Little Lips? You married? OK. Who'd you marry? Goddamn.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: She's got some thick cheeks. She can handle you pecking
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: her with them little ass lips. That's how he kissed.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Let's go on down the middle. Somebody was like, pick ass.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I heard that shit a minute ago. Who was that?
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, there's a church lady. Hey, church lady.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: You, in the little, in the, uh, right there, in
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: the Fantasia Barino wig. This is not going to work
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: if y'all going to make that sound. Y'all don't know.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: You can't be groaning.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, ain't it all?
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Fuck that. I want everybody to laugh like pirates. If
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I get somebody you love, fuck them.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Fuck them. Shit, that lady got on a nice little wig.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: She know it. Would you please stop looking around? It's you. Yes.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Put that goddamn little silver wig on. That shit look good.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: She kept looking around. Who he talking about? This nigga,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: who the fuck? This nigga....
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: Who the think.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: He talking to?
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: It's another bitch with a lit spin this motherfucker. Who
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: he think he talking to? I'm talking to you, ma'am.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: You look saved. You look like you go to the
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: same church he at. Okay, well, what's your name, sweetheart?
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: Connie?
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, Connie. And where are you a
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: receptionist at? Huh?
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: A legal assistant at a law firm getting that motherfucking money.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Not enough. Well, get it. What do you say, man?
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: You're the only black one there. How are you going
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: to get some more money out of it? You can't.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Look, this is what I want you to do. I
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: want you to get set it off back there. Yeah,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: you go up there and you let her loosen that.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: And then you go in and calm her down and
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: get her out. You're like, see, if I wasn't here,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: she'd have told us. Now give me some more money
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: before I let her back in.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Keena! Keena! Are you in this law office, bitch? Nardi! Like,
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: what the fuck's going on? What the fuck's going on?
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Let's make some more money.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Keena!
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: Keena! What the fuck? Perform it. All right, let's talk
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: to some... I'm enjoying myself now. I done got real
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: comfortable now. Let's talk to the.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Table right here with the brother with all the swagger,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: with the nice glasses and the hat with the little
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: feather and that... You know what I'm talking to you about.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: You look sharper than a motherfucker. I know a fellow
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: pinky ring when I see one. What's going on?
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: He was like, you see it. Yeah, yeah. OG Cleveland.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: It was hot. He clean. He don't even say the
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: V in Cleveland. He from Cleveland. That's good. What's your name, Smoove? Perry? Oh, yeah.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Perry?
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: That's what I got a bill for. You need some money, bitch.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: That's my son. My son's a parent, this motherfucker. How
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: much you need, bitch, huh? What you need? Hold on,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: hurry up. Be quiet. My wife's coming. Okay, how much
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: you need, bitch? Who's that little lady behind your shoulder?
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: Who was that, Perry? Tell me who that is.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Perry.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Hmm?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Ebby? Ebony.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, that name is not from your generation. So
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: y'all got a little age gap. They didn't start naming
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: them Ebony about 20 years after you was already out
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: of there, Perry.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: What's the difference? Is this a couple? Ebony, go ahead.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Represent your shit. How much older is Mr. Perry than you? Hello?
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: About 15 years? Oh, shit.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Mr.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: Perry, how old are you? 66 years old. A whole nother...
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: God damn. You look good for 66, Mr. Perry. You
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: look good for 66, man. What do you do? You
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: really like a pimp player? You own a car wash?
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: Huh?
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: One more time. You were a high school administrator? What school?
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Is there a reason why I can't hear you even
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: though we are this club? Something wrong with the throat? Okay.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm not gonna keep struggling, Mr. Perry. Where you
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: work at? Hold on. Hold on, bitch. Here goes my wife. No,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: I'm good, baby. I'm just down here talking to the help.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean? And this is one of
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: my students.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: She used to be one of the students down there
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: at the school.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Now, why would I be f * * * ing
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: your bitch, bitch? You've been 16 years younger than me.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: You got me f * * * ed up, bitch.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Go in the house.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: All right, don't you worry about that, baby. How much
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: money do you need? Your son need an Xbox game?
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to get you one.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Mr.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Perry living his goddamn best life. I'm a fan of you, Mr. Perry.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: 66, knocking the goddamn stuffing out that young lady.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Mr. Perry get butt naked. Thigh high church socks on. Mr.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Perry get that pussy like, you want me to put
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: on a song? Doom, doom, doo-doo. It was the 3rd
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: of September. Oh, you gonna remember this day, bitch. Nice
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: to meet you, Mr. Perry. So who y'all with? Is
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: it the whole group right here? How far do it go?
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: You with them? Y'all met in line. He be like, uh, Mr. Perry.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Cool, I don't know this nigga. Okay, and this your woman?
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Y'all look good together. Y'all look like a couple. Is
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: everybody else couples? Right there, that's a couple.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: Orange hair, that's a couple. Orange hat, that's a couple. Outstanding.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: And nobody know nobody. It's not a double date on it.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: So it's just, okay. Who been together the longest out
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: of y'all? Y'all go ahead and talk amongst yourselves. Orange hat,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: how long you been with her? Two years. Orange hair,
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: how long you been with him?
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Ten. I think she win. Based on you, she was like,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, that's the winner. I, uh. We just fucking
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: on him for two weeks.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know like that. That's crazy. Mr. Perry like,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: you ain't ask me?
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I've been married ass-fucking this bitch for 21 goddamn years.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't tell my wife don't make no sense. You
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: gonna tell, hold on. How much would it take for
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: you not to say nothing? To my mom's like, oh wow.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Ten years.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And y'all look good too. We all in the same
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: age range and shit. That seem impossible to me. What's
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: the secret? How you make it 10 years in this community?
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: The secret is keep trying.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Dedication, consistency. Who said sex? I heard an auntie said sex.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know where she at, but she sounded black
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: and about 46.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Is that you? Are you 46? I told you, I
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: can hear age. She was like, sacks. Yeah, sacks are doing.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: Are you married, single? What are you doing? Okay. You
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: not looking? Good trying to fuck. You got to cut
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: her off right there. She threw that pussy at me.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Hold on. God damn, he hit me in the head
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: with the punch.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: You can see a chinchilla coat out of nowhere.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Bitch, he mine. That's crazy.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: The performance, the performance is crazy. All right, the crackhead
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: done went to sleep, so. Oh, she holding still. I
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: don't know what happened. You okay, Brandy? Well, you got
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: some crack somewhere near you in close proximity for your
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: voice to rattle like that at the top.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: Crack! Don't nobody say it like that unless they know
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: about it. Huh?
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Well, go to bed. You ain't got to leave to
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: go to bed. Just take your shoes off and start
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: rubbing your feet together. We'll wake you up when it's
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: time to go. Keena, you should be ashamed of your
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: goddamn self. Keena said, I didn't know she was going
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: to do all that.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: It is what it is.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Go to bed, baby. You want a shoulder to lean on?
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I'll tuck you in right up here in a little ball.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: You need to breathe in. I think you just ran
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: out of air. She started talking after already breathing out.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I'm working on it right now. Baby, how much would
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: it cost to get you to take a deep breath
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: before you say something?
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Hold on, here go my wife. The bitch need to
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: be taught how to breathe. She be yelling all goddamn
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: night long now. Let Mr. Perry do Mr. Perry's job.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Now you need somebody to put you to sleep. How
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: much you think that shit ought to put you to sleep?
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Mr. Perry. That was a setup. People were like, this
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: bitch is asleep. I called her out. She's like, I'm
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: wide awake. Gotcha. All right, I want to talk to
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: the freaky auntie, 46 years old. Oh, shit. Who you with?
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: She said, bitch, I ain't with you. That's your best friend?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Happy birthday, friend! Oh, now you want to play. Look.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: She's like, well, you know what it is? It's birthday.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: What's your name, birthday baby?
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: Huh?
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Mud. Mud. Mud.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Mud.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Mud. Mud.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Mud.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Mud. Mud.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Mud.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud. Mud.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Mud.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Mud. Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud. Mud.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Mud.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: Mud. Mud.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Mud. Mud. Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Mud. Mud.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Mud.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Mud. Mud.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Mud.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: Mud. Mud Will you drive semi-trucks, nigga? Are you at
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: work right now?
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Take that earpiece out your goddamn ear. This ain't no
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: goddamn Zoom call. This nigga is ready for work. Yeah, Chuck,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: that nigga got the money down there right now. Yeah,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: that nigga Perry down there. I told y'all I was
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: going to find him. Hold on, let me click over.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: That nigga's name's called James. Chuck on the other line.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: You want to do a three-way?
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: No? You don't fuck with Chuck?
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll keep you separate from that nigga. But look,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Chuck got the money because that nigga ain't down here.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Perry down here with his little shirt.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Perry down here with his girl. The other man
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: sat at church with the cereal box. We got all that.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Hold on. Yeah, I got, look, James, I'm going to
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: put us together. James, Chuck, everybody say hi. Fuck you. See,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I told you to keep your shit together.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I got to hang up on both of you. Take
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: that earpiece out. It's 2026. Now, her name was Murder?
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Murder? Like the way Perry talks? Murder?
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Murder?
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: That's got to be a nickname. Ain't nobody naming no
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: brand new beautiful baby mother. What's your real name, sweetheart?
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: We want to celebrate you. Thank you very much. Please
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: don't do no crime with her, Laeta.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: You're going to jail.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: She got the first 48 minutes, goddammit.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: We wouldn't even make the first commercial break. What's the name?
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't snitch.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: You want some pretzels? Are they soft pretzels or hard pretzels?
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Airplane pretzels or on the ground pretzels? But I do
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: want some pretzels.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Give me a bag. I need another bag. I need
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: four bags. Well, here it is.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Happy birthday, Layetha. Can we all sing her happy birthday?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Do we have any other birthdays? Okay, never mind.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: That's like six. Is it really his birthday? Who? Him
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: or you, ma'am? Well, let him talk. Him! This nigga! Okay.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: How old are you, sir? 35, happy birthday, man. You
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: look good for 35. Ain't nothing to be shy about.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: We supposed to have been dead. Look at us. We
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: out here kicking it. And then back there doing the wave.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: You have two birthdays at the same table?
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: 58 and 57? You 57? You look fantastic for 57. Okay, 58,
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: you look terrible. You need to get your shit together.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Another birthday? We got another one right here? This is crazy.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: The bros? How old are you, team?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: 31. You do not look good at all for 31.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I said that to you, but you look good for
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: your age. He, that young brother right there, looks terrible, sir.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Could you put your hand on him and just say
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: the word youth to his ear?
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Say youth. God damn.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Team, you 31? Come closer to me. Let me see
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: if it's the light for me. You literally look like
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: you got grandkids, sir.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Are you his daddy? That n * * * a
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: older than you.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. Maybe it's the lights. But from here, I
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: got to get a picture. Are you zoomed in on him?
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: That n * * * a looks terrible. I have
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: to zoom.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: In. That's a hard ass Cleveland 31 right there. I
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: lost him. Let me zoom in on him. Hold on.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Somebody else done ran by. What's up, n * *
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: * a? I see you. There he is. Teen. Throw
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: the hooks one time for this picture. God damn. That
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: boy 31. Look how bad he look, y'all.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I'm going to pray for you. You need these vitamins
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: or something. More water to put the beers down and
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: cool his lights. So there's a birthday in here at
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: this table. People pointing at somebody. We getting carried away.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: The white man right there with the flannel on. Happy birthday.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet you. Peter, Doug. What's your name? Joe?
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, Joe. How old are you? 33, okay.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I heard you the first 62 times.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: God damn. We not gonna miss you. Just let me
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: work around. There's people way back there. Who's that in
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: the Von Dulch? It's your birthday too? It's her birthday?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Who the fuck is yelling? The same lady. Happy birthday! Damn.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: She used to be in Morris Day and the Time.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: She the one told them to do the bump. Birthday
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: over here? Who is it? One, two, and three. Is
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: it just one or is there multiple? Hold your hand
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: up if it's your birthday. It's your actual birthday.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Today. She got the money on her shirt, so I
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: know this is her day. What about you, sir? Is
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: this your birthday? Sunday? Sunday? I'll wrap that into this.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: We'll count that. Okay. Let's all sing happy birthday. We're
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: missing one more.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Who was that? In the red or behind the red? Oh.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Who just spoke? Okay.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Right there behind the police officer?
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Right there behind the police officer with the bun. Happy birthday.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: How old are you?
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: 38.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: We're going to sing happy birthday and at the part
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: where you say the name we're going to say all y'all.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Y'all all right with that?
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Sopranos? Tenors? Altos?
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Oh, we need to discuss the, oh, I missed one.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Happy birthday, baby. Which version we gonna do? The black version?
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Well, hold on. We have company.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: We need to make sure that we do this right.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Do you know the Stevie Wonder version? You have no
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: idea what we talking about, okay? Black people, we gonna
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: do the Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star version. All right, this
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: is what we gonna do. We gonna do the black
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: version and you just gonna learn. Welcome to the cookout.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Do you know who Stevie Wonder is?
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Okay. Who? He's a singer. That's what makes him special.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: What else jumps out about him that maybe, so I
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: know you know what you're talking about?
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: He's still alive? She think we talking about John Legend.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: He blind, baby. She's like, I am too. I don't
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: give a fuck. All right, we're going to do the
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: black version. You going to lead it? You've done that
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: at a few birthdays. Here, let me give you the mic.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: You set this, y'all. I got to sing my version.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: Well, we're singing happy, happy birthday to you. We're singing happy,
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: happy birthday to you.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: We are singing.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Happy birthday to you.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Happy birthday to you. Yes, you're looking good.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: You look fine, you're looking fine, and we hope you
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: have a good time. We're singing happy, happy birthday to you.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Thank you, baby.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know why you sang that Hezekiah Walker slave version.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: I say happy, happy birthday to you.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: She broke that down. We needed an organ.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I said, happy, happy birthday. I should have knew it
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: was a bullshit right off the top.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, I got to do my version. I should have
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: just snatched the mic right there. But that shit was dope.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I need to learn your version. I ain't never heard
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: that before. That's the church version? Where you go to
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: church at?
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Are you with him?
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: You go to Revolution Church? How many times has it
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: gone around? How many revolutions?
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: I say happy, happy birthday.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: You lead the praise and worship down there? You on
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: the praise and worship team? What's on your heart? Sing
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: something else right now.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. I don't have anything on my heart
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: right now. In Jesus' name. Oh, Pastor, but let's stop
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: before he knock out.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know goddamn where you ain't up on top
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: of my shawty shop. He didn't finish peeing. He's like, oh,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: he talking to my bitch. Get the fuck out of here.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I'm going to wipe my dick off and get the
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: fuck back in there. I'm about to pull my goddamn wife.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I ain't worried about the little things, but this is
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: getting big. This your wife?
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Did you hear her singing? You didn't?
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: She going to do it again. We got some birthdays.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Go ahead, just sing birthday songs. Matter of fact, don't
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: sing birthday no more because I heard talent.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: I want you to sing. Come here. Get up.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Come here.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: What's your name? Arniece. Arniece. And it's our nephew here.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I want the whole family.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Arniece, has a song entered your mind yet where you
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: can flex? It ain't got nothing to do with the Lord.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: We can be in the world. You can turn up
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: one time.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: We'll pray after this. She need a song. What she
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: be singing in the shower? In the car? This nigga R. Kelly.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: No.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: That's Mr. Perry. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Oh,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: my home. Bring back the.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: Nights when I held you beside me. Undo my heart.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Tell me love me again. Undo this hurt you caused
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: when you walked out the door and walked out of
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: my life.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Undo these tears.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: I cried so many nights. Uncry my heart.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: My heart. Y'all better make some noise for her. Yeah. Now,
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: they've got some stairs that you can go that way, sweetheart.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: He tried to pick you up.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Come here, baby. Just jump on my face. Unbreak my heart.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: That's what he said.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: That's all. He was so happy. I like that, man.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: That little goofy mama, but the way you were so
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: happy for her, that's what's missing in life. That nigga
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: was like a little kid in front of a free
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: candy machine.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: That's my baby right there. How long y'all been together?
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: 20 years, see?
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: That's the secret. That's the secret right there. What would
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: you say if you had to put your own sauce
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: on what the secret was?
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: It's a lot? Well, maybe we could summarize it in
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: a couple words. Patience, compromise, understanding.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Hold on, sir, you ain't shit. Everything she said, you're
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: putting her through hell, sir. Patience, compromise, understanding. Everything you do,
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: she's trying to figure out. I don't know what the
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: nigga doing. But unbreak my heart, uncry these tears.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: I'll be at the church. What's the secret, sir? Communication. Sex.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: He said, that'll do it. Sex is good, yeah. I
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: like you and all. He's like, yeah, fuck your girl,
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: baby boy.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: She be like, unbreak these cheeks.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Say you'll smash me again.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: Chuck, that shit down here fucks church ladies, man.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Hold on, let me tell Jane. Jane, I got Chuck
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: on the other line. Yeah, that nigga still there. Mind
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: your business. It's your line. Anyway, that nigga named Jackson
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: down here. With Tony Braxton getting fucked. Yeah, this shit crazy.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: I'm going to let both of y'all go. He about
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: to look back at me. What's your name, truck driver man?
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: Damien. Outstanding.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: It's not just Damon and you put a little Eon
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: on it. How you spell Damien?
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: Damien.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: D-A-M-E-O-N. Okay. I'll name y'all. We'll just name on.
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: And who you with? Who's this lady with these exquisite nails?
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: Your wife and your daughter? That's the baby over there? Okay.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: She ain't no baby. She also might not be yours.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: That baby dark and y'all both red. Y'all found that
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: goddamn baby.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: Get in the car, bitch.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: Mommy?
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: If you say so. Come on.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Chuck, this bitch done picked a baby up at Walmart.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: Hold on, James, bring me some Pampers. Pampers, nigga, I
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: got a new baby in there. She darker than both
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: of us. I don't know if anybody gonna believe us,
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: but we gonna say it till she grown. Chuck, James
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: on the other line, he bringing Pampers. I need you
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: to bring me some goddamn Similac. Yeah, because my wife
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: picked up a baby, but she ain't breastfeeding because it
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: ain't her goddamn baby, so we need some Similac.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: She ain't gonna be sucking my titties. Nigga, hurry up.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: I gotta let go. This y'all daughter. Nice to meet you, daughter.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: You look outstanding. And what's your name, babe? Come here. Like,
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: come here. Come here. How you spell come here? C-O-M-E
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: space H-E-R-E? How you doing? Come here. Thank you. Like
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: a movie premiere, but with a C. With a K,
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: thank you very much. You like me. Don't fuck no
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Crips over here, Crips.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Chuck, this nigga tried to say it start with a
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: C like we don't bang.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: And what do you do, Nels? She does nails. So
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: she's a walking commercial. Hold your hand up. Let me see.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: That's a lot going on. Yeah, come here and say,
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: hold it up higher, mommy. Lady, that says you're my mom.
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: All right. How long y'all been together?
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: 10 years.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Y'all a little old to just have 10 years, eh?
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Y'all waited a while?
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Now, uh, this y'all baby, you said? That goddamn girl
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: is grown than a motherfucker. You been married 10 years?
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: She about, how old are you?
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: 26, 29, 38, 41? How old are you? Huh? 26.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: So you was, you had kids 16 years? It's not
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: that long. Damn y'all. I'm here. I drove in the snow, nigga.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Your story. Tell Mr. James, Chuck, hold on. I'm about
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: to tell the story. You better tell the story. What's
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: the story, Damien? She was what? First girlfriend. And she
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: know it too. Like, I'm the one with the good pussy.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: I see your face. She like, mm-hmm. Like, yeah, good pussy. Nails,
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: what's happening? She said, that's me. Go ahead, go ahead.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: You cheated. You cheat now, you're on your Bluetooth with
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: another bitch anyway. Chuck James, Shirley. We're not perfect. Ain't
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: nobody judging.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: So you sidestepped, backslid a little bit. She got up
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: out of there. You got married to another woman.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: Where's she at? Okay, so you divorced her. Okay. 99, 2000.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: That's a juvenile. Yeah, so you, okay, 26 years ago.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: So you rekindled with her. That's what you call bumping
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: into her? Making a whole goddamn baby? You bumped into her,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: all right. She said, yeah, he bumped into her.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, so that story wasn't that complicated. I'm here. This
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: should be like Maury.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I can tell there's some going on.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: You cheated.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: She left you. But you also, you said, then I left.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: How you leave after she already gone? Was that your
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: ego talking?
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: You got left.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: That lady left the fuck out of you. And you
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: didn't accidentally bump into her. Women don't play that shit.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: She like, where that be at? He be over at
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: that Kroger's.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go over there. It was an accident.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: Where'd you bump into her at and get her pregnant
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: same day? I can see the light, sir. It is
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: what it is. On what? What's that? It's the street?
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: That's where you came up? She like, that is not
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: part of my journey. Okay, so you met her on
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: the street. You were driving. I know you were. Semi's.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: You was in your truck. You saw her like, fuck, fuck!
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Pussy nails, that's you? It's me, pussy nails. Fuck, I
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: ain't forget. I'm a new man, baby. I'm a brand
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: new man. Look, somebody married me. I've been a good
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: man to her.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: Leave that bitch. All right.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: Only you give me some pussy right now in this truck. Chuck,
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: I'm about to bust. James, I'm about to bust in that.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: So you know what it is. And that's how you
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: had that baby. That's amazing. Can I ask you this?
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: When you saw her over there on that street, what
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: did you say when you first saw her?
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: Hallelujah.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: Because she's the one that got away. So what did
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: you say, though? That's what you thought to yourself He
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: pulled up and said, kiss me in my mouth. He
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: got out the car and just kissed you in your mouth?
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: You saw her, so you pulled up and cut her off?
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: You're like, I'm going to die today over you. So
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: she got out the car, damn, what the fuck?
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: Damien? He was like, come here. She's like, that's what
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: I'm going to name the baby. Cleveland, I've been Nate Jackson.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I love y'all.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: Peace.