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SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST_EPISODE _38_ HOST BLAQUE DIAMOND · DA CREW Podcast

0:11
Hey, y'all, it's the Queen. It's the Queen. It's the Queen,
0:14
and I want y'all to join me May eighteenth at the Como Community Center
0:18
in Fort Worth, Texas. I will be receiving the Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award.
0:24
So I want you guys to come out and support me and AA L
0:28
A C. They're chasing your dream book tour. Join me, All things
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and where all the Blue Sky's boys from the North South things well persons,
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All things and what they used to. Aspiring Author's Magazine is a founding sponsor
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We are committed to helping our authors reach their goals and pursue their dreams
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publishing experience, and we are dedicated to helping them tell their stories in the
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most meaningful and impactful ways. We look forward to putting you on the path
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to writing your book. Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome to the
2:06
Crew podcast. I am the Visionary Queen Angela and welcome to season two.
2:14
I want to thank you for tuning in and for all of your support throughout
2:19
season one. We're back them devas up the airways, so thank you for
2:27
joining us tonight. Share this with someone in your circle. Basic Black after
2:35
Dark all new podcast show with your host Black Diamond. Hello. This is
3:31
Basic Blacks podcast and I am Blue sitting in for Black Diamond. MS Diamond
3:38
couldn't be with us tonight due to surgery, but she wanted me to thank
3:42
you for tuning. In the United States is currently grappling with the CDC refers
3:49
to as the fourth wave of the opioid epidemic. This wave not only puts
3:55
substance uses at greater rest, but also commications or efforts of parents who are
4:00
addicted to metaphetamines to keep their children out of the foster care system. The
4:06
question of the night does parential drug abuse affect reunification? We'll answer that question
4:15
later in the show. The guest tonight is putting all of that behind her
4:19
and has beat her addiction and the child welfare system with eight steps to recovery.
4:23
Every reunification. Please welcome and a browser to Basic Black after dark.
4:32
Hello, how are you? Oh, naughty bad? Just got off of
4:39
work not too long ago and you and you came straight to the podcast.
4:44
Thanks. Thanks for the unscrubs and all blue looks good on you. Thank
4:50
you, Thank you. Okay, so we go and get down to it,
5:00
Carol, all right, first and foremost, I would like to congratulate
5:03
you on your recovery and the reunification of your children. Thank you. It's
5:09
been a long road, but I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you have
5:13
your children back. Welcome, Thank you. How long have you been post
5:17
rehab? I actually did intense Yeah, I can hear you. I actually
5:29
did intensive outpatient, which is like to be counseling to the extreme, as
5:35
I call it. But I first got clean in twenty nineteen, so going
5:42
on about five years clean. And I've had my girls home from since August
5:48
twenty eighth of twenty nineteen, so I lost some eight months prior, so
5:56
about January December area in twenty eighteen. Holdally, hope you're good. How
6:14
long has it been since the reunification of with you and your children? About
6:20
five years? Also, so it's all around about like my recovery date and
6:25
the recent unification dates all around the same time. Apparently we're having some technical
6:56
difficult so you stepping until she come back. Well, I want to congratulate
7:03
you on your on your sobriety and for for just being able to get your
7:13
kids back. And I would love to hear what this journey has been like
7:17
for you if you were willing to share that. Oh, I'm willing to
7:20
share everything and anything you guys want to know. Yes, ma'am, I
7:27
think she's back. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on.
7:31
I blame it on the weather all the time. Connection terrible. What or
7:48
who would you say played a major partner my kids's father. I was with
7:54
them for thirteen years. He was not only my abuser, but he was
8:00
also the man that brought the drugs into my life. So he was more
8:05
of like my drug dealer. I guess, so he that was one of
8:11
my big roles, Like I, what was it? A friend of mine?
8:18
She saw that out all the stuff that I was going through, like
8:20
the abuse, and saw everything. She's like, you know what she says
8:22
here, this is actually going to numb everything, and it's going to make
8:26
you feel so much better, so instantly, as a mom of two at
8:31
the time and who was going through a lot of emotional abuse, mental abuse,
8:39
it wasn't physical until like more into the drugs, was like, you
8:43
know what, let's just I want to feel nothing, you know, like
8:48
just that feeling of literally nothing is going on, you know, just getting
8:54
day by day everything. So that was, yeah, that was five years
9:01
ago, the beginning of everything. The effects of chronic opioid abuse leads the
9:09
brain unable to function normally on its own. Do you still have substance abuse
9:13
cravings or withdrawal effects? Not withdrawal effects. There is days that like I'll
9:20
have feelings though I want to go out and be like I don't want to
9:24
feel anything, like my stressful days, the days where I'm just like I
9:30
don't want to be here, So that my main thing was not wanting to
9:35
be here, not wanting to feel anything. So I'd be like, all
9:37
right, I Amber, you can't do that because you can't lose your girls
9:39
again. You can't lose everything that you've built for yourself. Now, Like
9:45
I'm now working at a hospital or local hospital. I just applied for LPN
9:50
classes so like, and I have an amazing husband. So if I would
9:56
just throw it all away and say, you know what, fuck it,
10:01
sorry for my language, I wouldn't want to do that. I wouldn't want
10:07
to lose everything that I built myself up for. But yeah, those cravings
10:09
are still there. They're always going to be there. Wow, I just
10:15
don't want to act on them. There you go? Was method fetter me?
10:20
Your first drunk of choice? Uh? When I was a teenager,
10:26
just like any other teenager, I've always just dabbled in alcohol, you know.
10:31
I was what teen or dude nagor hasn't. And then from there,
10:35
that's when I actually went to school with my kids's father and got together after
10:39
graduation, and he's kind of the one that kind of introduced me to First
10:43
it was pain pills. Then it went from pain pills, I tried a
10:50
little bit of adderall, and then from the adderall, that's when it went
10:52
straight to math. So yeah, so kind of like a I already had
11:00
the addictive behaviors, it just didn't have the addiction to go with it until
11:05
later on in life. Has your addiction? Has your addiction made it difficult
11:11
for you? While in recovery, to over to overcome your past, even
11:15
when you were actively engaged in the treatment process. I look at it this
11:20
way, My past is how what is who made me today? I wouldn't
11:26
be the person I am. I want to be that strong go forward.
11:30
I'm going to try to conquer everything. If it wasn't for my past,
11:33
if it wasn't for CYS in the court system sitting there saying you know what
11:39
you need to do this you if you don't do this, you're going to
11:43
lose everything. You're going to lose your children. If you don't get out
11:48
of the abusive relationship that you're in. You don't even know if you're going
11:50
to be alive the next day. You know, like it because of all
11:56
of that. I know people say about, you know, the court system
11:58
not being good or CYS not being good. But if it wasn't for a
12:03
CYS and Child Services, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. Because my
12:09
case workers that I had, they were They pushed me and to the point
12:15
of listening. Amber, you have no choice right now. Your addiction was
12:22
Your addiction was methamphetamine. So what medication where you prescribed to help you in
12:26
your treatment? Process. I started out with EFFECTSIR, which was more of
12:33
less a depression anxiety med and that actually made everything worse because to me,
12:41
methamphetamine is it's all mental. It's a major, major mental game, and
12:48
it just numbs the body. So like when you're coming off of it,
12:52
you're going to feel you're you're feeling every single emotion that you haven't felt for
12:56
God only knows how long, and it's just everything just comes into you.
13:01
And it's a lot. So if you don't have the strong support group there
13:05
for you and everything, and I'm gonna mostly the strong support group coming off
13:11
of math because like you have to have that person that keep you thinking to
13:16
yourself, Hey, what you're seeing or what you're hearing or what you're feeling,
13:20
those aren't real right now? Those will go away, It will slowly
13:24
go away. Oh my gosh. If like I said, if it wasn't
13:31
for my husband being right there beside me, you know, in the end
13:33
process of everything, I probably wouldn't be sitting here right now. I want
13:39
heart. People receiving methody, I'm sorry, the receiving mathe treatment aren't really
13:48
in treatment at all? Is that true? Uh? I think that's one
13:54
of the questions. She got confused with the methadone lady, the one the
13:58
other lady that she was, Oh, well, here's a little fun fact.
14:03
Black Diamond is actually my mom. Ah, she's my mom. And
14:11
yeah, I was like, I was trying to figure out we were actually
14:15
going over this earlier, trying to figure out the difference in methodone and methaph
14:22
etamine. I'm like, it's all method, isn't it. I didn't get
14:26
it. So methadone is like, uh, did you ever hear some boxings
14:35
I have to help get people off of opiates and everything like that. I've
14:39
seen commercials and like poster ads about it. Yeah, methadone is the same
14:43
thing. Okay, So methamphetamine is made from ingredients underneath your kitchen sick the
14:52
whole way down to battery, acid, cat litter, everything and anything.
14:58
Uh. Back in the I think it was like the sixties and seventies,
15:05
they called it crystal Okay, so like crystal math because it would actually look
15:11
like crystals. Yes, okay, So maybe about ten years ago I read
15:20
a book called Glass and yeah, okay, and it's more in the method.
15:28
It's crazy helping circle around ooh yeah, and methods mostly like I look
15:37
it as like a party drug because it speeds up like crack and cocaine,
15:41
but it's take like take cracking cocaine times a thousand. It makes you go,
15:46
go, go, go go instantly. So like if you took drink
15:50
ten energy drinks in one setting. Oh wow, maybe like okay, because
15:56
I do Red bull I love Rebel, especially for clag or. I have
16:00
a one year old. Yes, the weekend with her, I need at
16:06
least three red balls. I mean the twenty ounce ones, the big ones,
16:11
good ones. I need them. She's she's walking now, she's starting
16:14
to talk, and oh, that's the best years. Those are the best
16:18
years. I have my oldest who is about to be sixteen. She's she's
16:26
been through a lot with me, and I miss those years of her being
16:30
a little one year old just learn how to walk and everything like that.
16:34
Like I still remember them and I'll get the memories. Sorry, if I
16:37
get emotional, it's okay. It's been one of those days right now.
16:47
I don't know, but yeah, she's my Actually she's out in the living
16:51
room. Uh, but yeah, she's been through everything with me. My
16:56
oldest has through the abuse that I went through and everything and my drug addiction
17:00
and everything. And if it wasn't for that girl and my youngest, I
17:08
wouldn't know where i'd be, Like it was. You know, people say
17:12
that miracles happen, they do that, they do. We're all just gonna
17:22
cry, but yeah, it's it's I couldn't imagine if I would be able
17:33
to travel back in time and tell my younger self back in two thousand and
17:37
seven not to get with the guy that I was with, I wouldn't change
17:40
it, you know what I mean, Like I I wouldn't have my girls.
17:44
If I didn't do that, I wouldn't know what I know now with
17:47
addiction and recovery, and heck, I wouldn't be working at a hospital and
17:52
going back to school, you know, like I'm about to go take a
17:56
tour at the local votech and do LPN classes and just be a nurse.
18:07
If you guys are essential. Oh my gosh, I've been telling I told
18:10
someone today. I think it was one of my patients. I looked at
18:12
him and he oh, that was one of the girl patients. She literally
18:18
started balling because she wasn't going to see me on her day that she was
18:21
leaving, and I actually told her about the podcast tonight and I said,
18:25
you know what I said, if I can sit there and conquer everything that
18:27
I did, I said, you can do the same exact thing. If
18:32
it wasn't meant to be, you wouldn't be laying here in this bed.
18:34
And she's like, you know, wedd Amber. She says, you are
18:37
definitely correct like that, Yeah, who sings it? I always get these
18:42
two mixed up. I don't know if it's Pink or Christina Aguilera. What
18:47
doesn't kill you make you stronger? Pink? Okay? I always get some
18:53
confused and yeah, absolutely absolutely. Our kids are our little angel. They
19:00
on our last nerves. But at the end of the day, when they're
19:03
asleep or they're quiet and they're tucked off somewhere, you just look at them
19:08
and you're like, I mean people. I said, it's my mom,
19:11
Like, those are my people I made, I created. It's crazy,
19:22
I'm my own people, right, I get it. How do you maintain
19:32
your sobriety? Can you tell me about any issues you face during recovery?
19:38
What I'm still working now is going on five years clean. I still have
19:44
issues with once a while, get like panic attacks, and that's usually because
19:48
something triggers me. And the only the only thing that I've seen that triggers
19:53
me anymore is I can see the drug I and watch it on TV or
20:00
whatever. What I can't do is watch somebody else seeing that they're enjoying that
20:07
high. They're you know, it's the outside looking in. They're like watching
20:12
a television show, you know, like you're sitting there watching them fill that
20:18
buzz and feel that energy just go through them and everything. But I stay
20:22
away from those people. I stay away from the ones that I know that
20:29
are toxic to me, like even if they're just even if they're a friend,
20:33
I'll sit there, I'll talk to them, I'll say hi, there,
20:37
zoom and everything. Because I still have friends that are still on math.
20:42
My kids, his father is still on it, so I still have
20:45
to deal with that. So it's it's rough. It is tough, though.
20:55
It is, like there's days that I just want to, like after
20:59
talking to my kids's father about anything, or if he missed, uh missed
21:03
the visit because his drug was more important than the kids, which I get
21:07
it. I was there. It's just sometimes it takes some people a little
21:11
longer to get better. But it's one of those things where you know,
21:15
I get angry inside with it, like I have a battle with myself because
21:18
you know, we all do. We have that little demon, a little
21:21
angel on each side of our shoulders, and that demon sitting there saying,
21:23
Hey, wouldn't you know that would be amazing if you could be able to
21:27
do that, not have any worries in your life and just go out there
21:32
and go get high and do whatever you want. But you got that angel
21:36
on the other side that's sitting there telling you, you know what, if
21:37
you did, you would lose all this ol over again. Like that's what
21:44
keeps me going, is that I don't want to lose anything that I gained.
21:47
My gained back absolutely and you worked so hard. Five years. Five
21:52
years is a long time. Oh my gosh, it is. I just
21:56
had I'm sorry, You're good. No, no, no, have you
22:02
ever sat in like five years? But I remember it like it was yesterday,
22:07
right right, So, Like I actually sat down the one day and
22:14
I had to I myself wanted to figure out how long it's actually been when
22:18
I was on the drug, Like when I first started, and I never
22:23
realized that I was on it. For at least five years itself. Wow.
22:29
Yeah, so like that whole five year span because like I had my
22:33
youngest daughter and then I had a surgery, I had a hysterectomy, Like,
22:38
I went through a lot of things in one year, and then the
22:44
mental abuse got worse the physical than the physical happened whenever the meth was introduced.
22:48
So like it was just a lot. Like you just said, five
22:52
years was a long time, and five years in addiction is an extremely long
22:59
time. I oh, my goodness, it's crazy. It is crazy.
23:10
I was told that there is a stigma for mother's receiving treatment. They retain
23:14
the attic label, make them unfit to care for or keep their children,
23:18
but father's receiving treatment retain the recovering addict label, make them fit to care
23:25
for and keep their children. Actually, I got a story with that one.
23:30
Let's tell it. Yes, So my official last court hearing that I
23:34
had the day I got my girls home, I had to go through it's
23:41
called a bear foundation, which is like it's the reunification process where I was
23:45
like a case manager watches you with your kids, so like a supervised vegetations.
23:52
So I did that. I did weekly drug tests. I did the
23:56
IOP, the intensive outpatient everything I needed to do. That last court hearing,
24:02
everything was all good. I had my ducks in a row and everything.
24:06
My kids's father, who at the time is still well. At the
24:10
time he was on meth pretty hat hard and still is. He didn't have
24:15
to do a thing, nothing whatsoever. He went to that court hearing.
24:22
The judge. I forget what the judge said, but the lawyer, my
24:26
lawyer was standing there, and my lawyer was explaining everything that I did.
24:32
And then I had my ex's lawyer was on the other side of me,
24:36
and he was explaining. He was on my side also because he was like,
24:40
yes, mister Moulins didn't do any of this, this, this,
24:42
this, this this. My maiden name was walk so he's like, Miswalked
24:48
did everything she was supposed to do down to a tee. Really she dotted
24:53
the eyes, did everything that she was supposed to and they still gave him
25:00
rights to my girls. Wow. So for him, and he didn't know,
25:04
he did not work for whatsoever. So then I ended up actually filing
25:11
for contempt because he wasn't sticking to the custody order that the court system and
25:15
see whys agreed with he was I had a three year PFA on him,
25:22
which is the largest you can get in Pennsylvania. So I also had to
25:26
have a third party involved on my end. This is just on my end,
25:32
wow, just to keep it all in line on my end, because
25:34
if I didn't do something right, that was a big red flag to the
25:37
court system. And I wasn't letting that happen. Like I even had.
25:42
There was our local cop. He was like, I want to arrest him
25:45
right now. He's doing this. He's violating this, he's violating the custody
25:49
order, he's violating the like, he was violating everything. And the chief
25:56
of police is like, nope, he didn't do nothing wrong. Just let
25:57
him go. Wow. Yeah. So we dealt with for the past five
26:04
years of him in out of jail getting away with whatever he can. But
26:11
if me or my husband would mess up, because I already had I'm a
26:15
mother with a past, I would have the book slept on me. That
26:19
was my next question. Do you believe the women in rehab or recovery are
26:25
treated differently than men? But clearly, oh my gosh, yes, I
26:27
actually are used to also work on a drug and alcohol rehab. So the
26:34
women there, oh my gosh, I worked on in the detalks units.
26:41
So when they first come in, we'd have to do the drug tests,
26:44
the strip search, the you know, make sure all the cavities are empty
26:48
and nothing's in there. The way we had to do the women's searches compared
26:52
to the men's it was insane, Like they had the squat and cough like
26:57
old style Joe Howell body searches at this rehab for the for the women,
27:03
the men just had to go through you know, strip down, get closed,
27:08
just go through the X ray machine. Like yeah, when I fully
27:12
believe it's it's insane. Oh yeah. The the recovery stage and things that
27:23
happen like behind the scenes that people don't know about, Like it's crazy,
27:27
it is crazy. Are mothers who are prescribed treatments still considered addicts? Oh
27:36
yes. I will still to this day say that I am an addict,
27:41
I am recovery, I'm recovering addict. But I will always have that addiction
27:47
mentality always, no matter what it could be. Anything coffee, you know,
27:55
like those I have to have a yeah at McDonald's. But you know,
28:03
if you can't get for one good thing. Well, you know,
28:06
it's just good. You go to the next thing. And so McDonald's is
28:08
my second choice. But the Starbucks pay see, we have some we have
28:15
some local uh coffee shops here and they are delicious. Stop is upstairs in
28:25
my kitchen. We are going to take a commercial break and we will return
28:32
with my guest and brother who will speak about her substance use and the foster
28:36
care system. So we'll be right back and don't go anywhere. I need
28:41
to know more. Oh I won't. I need to know more. Dallas
28:47
worse. Okay, that was a very very short That was very short commercial
28:59
Dallas Worth a A L A C. The Chance of your Dream Book Tour
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in Expo is coming to your area. Mark your calendars May eighteenth, eleven
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a m. To three pm Central Stentard time. We have some amazing authors,
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some amazing business owners that's going to be sharing about their brand. We
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teaching on branding, marketing, and network I want you to plan to be
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in the building, to be educated and power in in churge, come out,
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support, turn off the tonightlemen to imagine, let's take a shower shower
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together, I wash a bund it you must so what wealth day and say,
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Jayce, turn on, come girl, I want to give you a
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special tweet. You're so sweet. Turn on and we are back and burn.
31:07
Hey. So, most people go through a twelve step process of recovery.
31:14
I understand you went through this process in eight steps. About the individual
31:18
recovery plan. Can you share your plan with us? Yeah? It goes
31:25
back to that case worker, well, case manager. I don't even know
31:30
what her name, don't even remember what her name was. Through the reunification
31:34
process, she had to pick me up the one day where I was staying.
31:41
Uh, because I went through I actually got the nerve to leave my
31:48
ex ended up sleeping in the back of my suburban, meeting my husband all
31:52
in the same night. And yeah, so she started picking me up and
31:59
it was as we were on our way to see my children. She's like,
32:02
all right, Amber, she says, I'm straightforward. She's like,
32:06
I don't sugarcoat at anything. I'm going to tell you how it is,
32:09
just because that's what you need. She says, I can see the fighter
32:13
that's inside of you. She says, you're just lost right now. So
32:16
she looked at me dead in the face before I went in even and went
32:21
in to see my girls, and she's like, all right, so you
32:24
have this choice. You stick to the road that you're going on right now,
32:29
which is abuse, drugs, whatever else, because you don't know,
32:36
no one can tell the future, or you buck up, be that strong
32:43
mom that you were meant to be, and you fight for your two little
32:46
girls. So I went into the visit with my kids, emotional already by
32:54
myself, not knowing what to do because I've thirteen years somebody controlling everything I
33:00
was able to do. So it was like one of those things that it
33:04
just felt h empowering. It felt I was free, just myself. I
33:13
was just free to be able to say what I wanted, do what I
33:15
wanted, sit there and have whatever conversation I wanted with my two little girls
33:21
because that oh, my gosh, five years ago, one was ten and
33:23
the other one was five, so they were still young. They still I
33:29
mean, they still knew what mommy was doing. They still knew mommy was
33:32
sick. They didn't understand how and why. But that day on oh,
33:43
of being able to feel that free, the freeing of everything, of letting
33:49
go of all of that nastiness. They it just I didn't want to let
33:58
go of it. I didn't want want to let go of it, like
34:01
it was the greatest feeling ever. But it was just that one person,
34:06
that one one single person that just gave it to me straightforward, because to
34:13
me, you shouldn't you shouldn't sugarcoat anything, you know, like that's just
34:17
you're a fraud if you are, because that's not how life is. You
34:22
can't go in life thinking that everything's all hunky dory and everything's going to be
34:27
perfectly fine for the rest of your life. We all hit bumps, we
34:31
all hit mountains, but it's if you can actually conquer over those mountains.
34:37
And the only way you can do that is actually sit there and build yourself
34:40
up. You have to be selfish, just for yourself, just for a
34:44
little bit, just be that little selfishness just to get yourself up and going.
34:51
So, would you say it was the threat of the separation from your
34:53
children that turns you turned your life around? Yeah? Yeah, because my
35:00
girls they were, Oh my gosh, Like I said, my oldest was
35:04
there through everything for me anytime, you know, she needed her Mommy.
35:15
Mommy wasn't there like I was out doing whatever. I was out just numbing
35:22
myself because I didn't want to be there, you know, like you have
35:27
to want the need to be there. And oh my gosh, I went
35:32
through my childhood trauma, so that didn't help with anything. So then from
35:39
childhood trauma, ending up graduating, got with this guy that I thought I
35:44
was in love with, and then two thousand and eight find out I'm pregnant,
35:49
so like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, everything all
35:52
at once. And then finally now twenty twenty four, here I am m
36:00
five years clean and I have no words, no like the feeling that I
36:08
have these days. It's just it's great for you. I can see it,
36:15
like it's like a glow. I can see it in your cheeks and
36:20
you just look so happy right now. Thank you, You're welcome. I'm
36:28
sorry I got a little lustious. Now you're finally No, that's not m
36:37
like kill me, So sorry, you're fine. Was the reason for your
36:45
separation from your children because of parental drug abuse? Well, that's a fun
36:52
not a funny story, that's an interesting story. So I didn't know the
36:55
full story on what happened until after that last court hearing and the lawyers pulled
37:02
me aside. So from in October of I think it was twenty eighteen,
37:15
I ended up in the middle of a cornfield. I was just I was
37:21
high on meth and just needed to go. My ex and I were having
37:28
a fight. Ended up well, it was not really in the middle,
37:30
but there was a big like opening and I saw a log and I'm like,
37:34
that looks good to sleep on. You can do whatever. I guess.
37:39
Well, next thing I know, I'm being woken up by a cop.
37:45
So then we're sitting there. The cop had to wait for a female
37:46
cop. He had to make sure that I was safe and to make sure
37:51
that well, the first thing was to make sure that I was safe,
37:54
and the first thing that as soon as the female cop got there, if
38:00
there was anything that was going on, And I explained to her that I
38:04
was high on meth, that my kids were at school, I didn't know
38:08
where my ex was last time I knew him, he was sitting at our
38:12
trailer that we had, and that I wanted to go get help. And
38:17
right then and there, I literally broke down in this woman's arms. That
38:22
I didn't even know. They called an ambulance for me. I went over
38:28
to our local hospital, explained to them what was going on, explain about
38:32
my math addiction, explained about the well. I didn't really get into the
38:38
abuse too much, but they could tell because of the way that I was
38:45
acting and everything, and professionals they know things better than what we do.
38:51
And I do believe I was trying to hang myself that day because I had
38:58
literature marks around my neck and Bruce and I, if I correct, I
39:01
was in a caller. From there, I ended up Erbert and three g
39:13
the psych ward for about five days. So when I got out, no
39:19
one told me that my children were taken. So I'm sitting in this hospital
39:23
thinking that my kids were fine. Everything was all right. Da da da
39:25
da da dada, so on and so forth. No, it wasn't.
39:30
My kids were taken. That day. I went into the hospital and admitted
39:36
to people that I thought I could trust that I was a drug addict and
39:40
that my kids were at home. Well, we're at school. They ended
39:45
up doing a safety check, which is perfectly fine, because you don't know
39:49
these days. Uh. This is the part that I found out after the
39:52
hearings, my ex pulled a bow and arrow on the CYS caseworker that was
40:00
showing up. She had to call back up, so she did. At
40:06
that time, when she was calling the cops and calling for a little bit
40:08
of backup, my ex called his cousin and told her to hurry up and
40:15
get to the trailer. By the time the cops got there, his cousin
40:21
blocked the trailer, blocked the cop in, so she parked the cop in
40:25
and wouldn't let the cop leave until they left till they told until they told
40:30
my ex what was actually going on. But with the abuse and everything that
40:35
was going on, they didn't have to tell him. All he had to
40:37
say. All they had to say was there was a call, we had
40:43
evidence that this is what's going on in here. We need a urin.
40:45
That's all they wanted was a urn. He would not, like I said,
40:50
pulled the bow and arrow, threatened them, threatened to shoot them,
40:52
all kinds of things. He didn't even get charged. Really, yep,
41:00
all of that. He didn't get charged. What they did was called up
41:04
his sister and my kids went to his sister's house and started the fostering process
41:12
and all of this happened within five days of me sitting in the hospital.
41:16
Sounds like, oh yeah. The drug epidemic. Parental drug use, or
41:22
PDU is the main reason why foster case laws have increased in the past ten
41:27
years. Parents who receive treatment and related support services for their substance use disorders
41:32
are more likely to return to their parental roles. However, the number of
41:37
parents who can reach his goal is unknown. What do you mean when you
41:43
say you built an end of Oh, I think we did that. She's
41:45
gonna kill me. Would women benefit from having recovery programs just for them?
41:52
Do you believe it to be a waste of time? Now? I think
41:55
if there was a specific recovery program for women mothers us as mothers, we
42:02
go through a lot. We we house a baby for nine months and they
42:08
grow inside us, we deliver them, and then we either end up with
42:14
I don't know about you, depression for God only knows how long, and
42:20
then the stress of trying to get back. Yeah, and then if you
42:23
want to stay at home mom these days, you can't even do that.
42:28
It's you can't afford it. So then you got to put your baby in
42:30
daycare, and then you got all that stress on them. Huh, oh
42:38
my gosh, no grandparents. You know, she would take care of the
42:43
house, he would go to work. Yeah, and you're with the kids.
42:47
No, we have to work just as as they do. Exactly.
42:52
So then you got all of that stress that's on the mother's shoulders, and
42:57
then you got stresslets on the father's shoulders. But most women don't go into
43:02
rehabs. They don't go in to get help because they feel that they are
43:08
the nurturers. They have to just stay home to take care of everything.
43:14
And I even, oh my gosh, I had a lady at the drunk
43:16
an alcohol rehab that I worked at. She's the one who even said that
43:20
to me. She's like, I didn't want to get I didn't want to
43:22
come to rehab. I have a house and kids to take care of.
43:27
She's like, how what's getting done at my house if I'm in here?
43:31
Who's taking care of my kids if I'm in here? So it's one of
43:37
those things like there's no support for mothers that are in recovery or mothers that
43:44
are in her addiction that's trying to get into recovery. There isn't What were
43:52
some of your options for reunifying with your children, parenting, impatient treatment or
43:58
prison I did. I did intensive outpatient for about, oh my gosh,
44:06
two years. I think it started out with three days a week. And
44:10
the counselor I had, she was brutal. She hit every little thing and
44:17
uncovered every little thing, didn't leave any rock unturned, and she was the
44:23
best like and she would not like there was times where I wanted to drop
44:30
down to only like maybe two days a week, and she would be like,
44:32
Nope, you're not ready for it. I can tell you're not ready
44:36
for it. You are not ready for what you're about to do. You
44:39
don't have anything in place of what you need to do to help yourself.
44:47
And she's actually the one that told me, like, you need to be
44:51
selfish right now in order for your girls to be with you. You got
44:57
to be selfish and you got to do what you need to do. Be
45:00
were you worry about raising children again. So that was about lots of tears,
45:08
lots of days, and like I said, almost two years of intensive
45:12
outpatient. Oh my gosh, it was. I mean, I should still
45:17
be in counseling now because of just stressors. But the bills be paid never
45:27
go away. Oh my gosh, no, not at all. During your
45:32
recovery period, were your children angry with you? What was the reunification like
45:38
with them? My kids, my youngest, like I said, she was
45:45
only five, so she didn't she didn't understand what was going on. She
45:50
just thought mama's on vacation and she would come do visits. She was she
45:54
was five. She's being a toddler, you know. My noticed at the
46:00
time she was ten. Yeah, I do believe she was angry with me
46:05
when I first when they first came home, they wouldn't really talk to me.
46:12
They would lash out instead of just talking. They would stay in their
46:16
bedroom and everything. I actually ended up getting them into counseling too, because
46:23
there's a you know, that's that's a lot of trauma on a child,
46:27
especially being away from their mother for eight months and and seeing the things that
46:32
I went through. It's it's not healthy. So there they're still in counseling
46:38
to this day, uh, dealing well, not dealing with, but talking
46:45
to their counselors about everything that they went through whenever they got taken away and
46:51
the things that they go through now with their dad. It's a big thing.
46:57
I I am a big advocate for counseling and therapy, like absolutely.
47:05
What was your support system like during your recovery? During my recovery, I
47:12
when I first got clean, all I had was my husband and at the
47:16
time, he was a stranger to me. He was actually the only person
47:22
or three one here. So how I met him. He was working at
47:31
my neighbor's house because they just moved in beside us, so I knew who
47:36
they are, They knew who I was. They were actually one of the
47:38
people that would buy meth off of us. And my husband heard all this
47:45
ruckus and things being thrown. He didn't know what was going on, and
47:49
the only thing that he saw was me coming out with the door with a
47:52
gun rack behind me because my ex threw it at me. So ever since
47:59
that day, he hasn't left my side. He was I guess you would
48:05
call that my knight in shining armor. I was like a princess that needed
48:08
safe, you know. And he is my biggest supporter in everything that I'm
48:15
doing. When I got my kids home, he was my biggest supporter.
48:22
He still is. It took almost two years for my actually my family to
48:28
be able to trust me again. I still don't talk to two of my
48:32
sisters because they look at Oh wow, would I even put that, Oh,
48:37
she's an addict, she's never going to change type of thing. But
48:40
they can pick up the bottle anytime they want, you know, that type
48:45
of thing because it to them, alcohol is legal. It's no different.
48:50
It's da da da, it's whatever. You know, But it's just you
48:54
can get addicted to that, just like everything else. Absolutely, not me
49:00
personally, but me personally, you know. Yeah, seeing the effects that
49:06
it can have. Alcohol addiction can have on a person that has children,
49:09
so yeah, first and witness to the effects that that can have. So
49:15
it's it's I wouldn't even say that it's legal. It shouldn't be. It's
49:17
taxable. It's making the money. So as long as Uncle Sam can get
49:24
his piece of it, yep, give to the people, yep. Travida
49:30
says that that is definitely traumatic for children, and it is. It is,
49:35
but very much like I said, my kids are still in counseling.
49:39
They oh my gosh, they love their counselors. They do. My oldest
49:45
dress counseling yesterday and when I got home from work, her first thing was
49:49
was Mom, I touched on subjects I didn't even know was hurting me.
49:53
So like for them to heal now while they're young is and to sit here
50:00
and watch them grow as the human beings, I guess, and to learn
50:07
about themselves things that they didn't know about themselves because those years during my addiction,
50:15
they didn't know what was going on. Like so now they're actually learning
50:20
who they are recovering from what they've seen and heard. So it's it's a
50:29
long process. It's a process for all of us. Absolutely. And but
50:35
what was the moment like when you and your children were finally unified? Oh
50:39
my goodness. So when we were finally unified, it was August twenty eighth.
50:46
My oldest birthday is August twenty fourth, so we had a little birthday
50:52
party for her. It was the first time that they met my now husband,
50:58
So like, there was a lot and that little, one little day
51:02
and it was just the best thing ever. Like, uh, we had
51:09
to start from fresh of everything because they when they came home, they ended
51:15
up with where they were saying they had dead bugs. They where they were
51:22
also staying, which was their aunt's house. They were addicted to adderall I
51:25
even turned it into the into the child services and they're like, well,
51:30
we don't do background checks or drug tests on people that take in your children.
51:36
And I'm like, wait a minute, hold on a second. So
51:38
you're naughty, Okay, you're naddy was a natty, so you weren't fair,
51:45
but sure, give them to the next one. Give them to the
51:47
next person. Because their background check was fine. I'm not going to make
51:52
some pi and a cup because they didn't have no go ahead, go ahead
51:57
now, yeah, because they didn't have nothing major on their back ground,
52:00
just a misdemeanor. It's okay. From my understanding. Adderall is a prescription
52:09
drug, right, yes, it is. It is. Actually what I
52:14
call it is legal math. Wow, that's what I call it and so
52:22
much. And I say that because I'm a barber by trade. I got
52:31
my license in the mail today. Actually, oh congratulations. And I hear
52:37
like other barbers, which is a male dominated, you know entity, and
52:43
they're like, oh, you know, I have to stay up. I
52:45
gotta cut coming through. I'm just gonna take an adderall and I'll be up
52:47
and I'm good. Yep. Talent is not the same thing, dude,
52:53
Like no, and I will go through a headache for a day or two
52:59
and I'm like, okay, fine, I'll wow. Yeah. There's a
53:05
lot of a lot of drugs, which narcotics that are on the streets that
53:16
doctors are just prescribing them. Left them right. And the sad thing is
53:20
is with the adderalls and the retinal lens, they're prescribing them the children,
53:24
wow, to children as young as like five, because the parents can't control
53:29
them, because the parents not control, but because the parents don't want to
53:34
deal with their children being hyperactive like it. And it's just that to me,
53:40
that's that government controlled addiction. You got the government's hand in that.
53:46
And you're starting an attic yeah, because they grow up depending on that medicine
53:54
to help them exactly and if they miss it, oh I didn't take no
53:59
medicine. Yep, you didn't take your medicine. You're instantly going to withdraw
54:04
symptoms. You're instantly out there searching for the next better thing that's going to
54:08
make you feel better, or even if your body starts getting used to that,
54:13
you're going out searching for something bigger and better. I am truly learning
54:20
so much the question of night. How does parental drug abuse affect children well.
54:29
Parental drug abuse can cause child neglect and endangerment and is not looked at
54:34
lightly by thirties. Typically speaking, CPS, which is Child Protective Services,
54:40
makes it their goal only to separate children from their homes when it is needed
54:45
for their protection. However, it is important to note that everyone's journey to
54:50
recovery is unique. Much of what happens comes down to the individual determination to
54:55
reunify with their children. Let it be known that parental substance, useless or
55:00
the strongly influences reunification outcomes and successful reunification. Rushed reunification can be detrimental to
55:09
families with the history of drug use, given that drug rehabilitation can take a
55:15
long time. I want to thank Amber for being so diligent and dedicated to
55:21
getting that treatment she deserves, for fighting for her children like I want your
55:28
girls to know Mom is a freaking rock star. Oh they know it.
55:31
They sit there. My oldest tells me all the time, Mom, I
55:35
bragged about you at school, or I bragged about you doing this. I
55:42
officially became I guess the whole Mom. While a woman's fitness to keep her
55:49
children should be apparent to her day to day dealings, and mother receiving treatment
55:54
has the added burden of overcoming the stigma and controversy surrounding her treatment approach.
56:00
Despite is okay, despite its designation as the standard of care for treating addiction,
56:07
a mother or a methodisphetamine can just as easily be considered an addict because
56:13
of how treatment works. Believe it or not, a mother receiving treatment to
56:16
overcome addiction is one of the best things they can do for their children.
56:22
Pushing a mother for seeking out the level of treatment needed to overcome an addiction
56:25
problem is comparable to punishing and asthmatic for using an inhaler. A woman's a
56:31
woman's fitness to care for her kids. I don't think that was supposed to
56:37
say. That should be determined by her actions, not her treatment needs.
56:42
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, is important to seek
56:45
help from a qualified healthcare professional. Please don't hesitate. She's gonna freaking sate
56:54
to call the twenty four to seven helpline at eight four four two zero eight
57:00
seven nine today and get help and get the help you need. Oh,
57:07
Black Diamond is here, she says, Hello, Amber, Hello, She's
57:14
recovering from surgery. Oh yes, that's what she was saying all night.
57:20
You're gonna kill me. You're gonna kill me. But Amber was wonderful and
57:23
I thank you. Oh I thank you, guys. Also, this was
57:28
a big thing for me. This is like I used to just tell my
57:34
story when I worked at the rehab. Now this is like my story for
57:37
everyone to hear. And it's a story that I can see the like I
57:42
said, the glowing you. I don't see the shame. I don't see
57:47
that. I don't see an addict. I see a mom who was determined
57:53
by any means. Like you said, it was intense by Oh yeah right,
57:59
I'm gonna get my girls because they're mine, and you did it.
58:02
And I'm so very very happy for you. It's just it's just radiating from
58:08
you. I love it. I love it, Like he says, thanks
58:13
for coming and being present for us and for your family, because we need
58:20
our moms. Oh yes, we do, no matter no matter how much
58:23
sometimes we're in the a's teenagers sitting there in the bedroom screaming and yelling I
58:30
hate you, mom. We still love them no matter what, we always
58:34
will need them. I thank you so much for coming. Amber thanks for
58:39
being here and continue to tell your story. Oh I will thank you so
58:44
much, guys, but it's still the beginning. Thank you so much,
58:47
Thank you you guys. I want you to tune in the Basic Black after
58:52
Dark on April nineteenth, Black Diamond will be back and she is talking with
58:55
doctor Jackie Gartner, the Literary, the literary, the literary coach. Thank
59:07
you for tuning in. I'm blue and it's been a pleasure being here with
59:09
Amber and here with you guys that come to Basic Black after Dark, After
59:15
eight, after Dark, Basic Black after Dark, the all new podcast show
59:23
with your host, Black Diamond,