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Beauty's Hour-Olivia Shakespear · The New Science of Controlled Breathing

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  Speaker 1: Chapter one of Beauty's Hour, a Fantasy. This is a
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  Speaker 1: LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
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  Speaker 1: For more information, ought to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org.
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  Speaker 1: Beauty's Hour a Fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare. Chapter one. I
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  Speaker 1: remember very well the first time the strange thing happened
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  Speaker 1: to me, On a winter's day in January. I reached
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  Speaker 1: home tired, and sat down in front of the looking
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  Speaker 1: glass to take off my hat, and remained looking, as
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  Speaker 1: I so often do, at my own unsatisfactory face. Gerald
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  Speaker 1: Harmon had come up to his mother's study that afternoon
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  Speaker 1: while I was at work after lunch, ostensibly on business, really,
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  Speaker 1: because there was a frost which had driven him from
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  Speaker 1: Leicestershire to London, leaving him with nothing to do, and
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  Speaker 1: we had begun talking of irrelevant matters. A woman must
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  Speaker 1: be good, he said, reflectively. Only a plain woman, said I,
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  Speaker 1: who has been behaving ill? Now I was generalizing, or
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  Speaker 1: to be frank, I was thinking of Bella Sturgis, So
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  Speaker 1: am I. You surely don't expect her to possess all
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  Speaker 1: the virtues and that face? To be sure the face
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  Speaker 1: is enough, answered he and sat staring full at me,
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  Speaker 1: but thinking as I knew of Bella Sturgis, does she
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  Speaker 1: amuse you? I asked, amuse me? Said Gerald. I'm sure
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  Speaker 1: I can't say one doesn't think about being amused when
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  Speaker 1: one is with her. She just exists and that's enough.
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  Speaker 1: I suggested. Possibly my voice was ironical, for Gerald looked
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  Speaker 1: at me then with a sort of jerk. She's not intellectual,
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  Speaker 1: and she's not really sympathetic, and I don't like her
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  Speaker 1: one quarter as much as I do you, Mary, said he.
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  Speaker 1: Now it is an understood thing that he is not
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  Speaker 1: to call me Mary, and so I reminded him, but
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  Speaker 1: he only answered that we had been over the ground
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  Speaker 1: before and that it was time I owned myself. Defeated,
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  Speaker 1: I was beginning to remark that nothing short of death
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  Speaker 1: would induce me to do so, when Lady Harmon came
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  Speaker 1: in and Gerald was somewhat abruptly dismissed. I wish that idle,
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  Speaker 1: mischievous boy would marry Bella and settle down, said she, yes,
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  Speaker 1: said I, and went on writing, Why Mary, how ill
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  Speaker 1: you look? She cried? Then is anything the matter? I
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  Speaker 1: hate being told I look ill? It only means that
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  Speaker 1: I look ugly, but I answered cheerfully nothing in the world,
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  Speaker 1: and she, being easily satisfied, went off on to another subject,
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  Speaker 1: which lasted till it was time for me to go away.
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  Speaker 1: The post of secretary to Lady Harmon was not altogether
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  Speaker 1: a bed of roses. She has a wide range of
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  Speaker 1: interests and a soft heart, and her other faculties are
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  Speaker 1: not quite in proportion. I was generally weary by the
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  Speaker 1: time I reached home, with the endeavor to reconcile her
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  Speaker 1: promises and her practice in the eyes of the world,
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  Speaker 1: that most censorious of worlds, the philanthropic. I repeated Gerald's
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  Speaker 1: words as I sat before the glass in my bedroom,
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  Speaker 1: to be sure the face is enough. He had said,
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  Speaker 1: my own face, pale, with no salient points to make
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  Speaker 1: it even impressively ugly. Gave me back this speech as
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  Speaker 1: I uttered it. I have neither eyelashes nor distinction. I
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  Speaker 1: do not look clever or even amiable. My figure is
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  Speaker 1: not worthy of the name, and my hands and feet
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  Speaker 1: are hopeless. The concentrated bitterness of years swept over me.
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  Speaker 1: I loved Gerald Harmon as Bella Sturgis, with her perfect face,
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  Speaker 1: was incapable of loving. But my love was rendered grotesque
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  Speaker 1: by the accident of birth, which had made me an
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  Speaker 1: unattractive woman. Given beauty, or even the personal fascination which
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  Speaker 1: so often persuades one that it is beauty. I could
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  Speaker 1: have held my own against the world in spite of
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  Speaker 1: my poverty, my lack of friends, or of social position.
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  Speaker 1: As things were, I saw myself condemned to a sordid monotony.
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  Speaker 1: Ever at a disadvantage, cheated of my youth and of
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  Speaker 1: nearly all life's sweeter possibilities. I was considered clever by
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  Speaker 1: the harmones, it is true, but the world in general,
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  Speaker 1: had it noticed me at all, would have refused to
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  Speaker 1: believe that such a face as mine could harbor brains.
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  Speaker 1: Gerald I knew, had proclaimed in the family that Mary
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  Speaker 1: Gower had wits, and looked on me as his own
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  Speaker 1: special discovery. For though I had but a plain head
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  Speaker 1: on my shoulders, it was an accurate thinking machine, and
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  Speaker 1: could occasionally produce a phrase worthy of his laughter. I
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  Speaker 1: have a certain dreary sense of humor which prevents my being,
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  Speaker 1: as a rule, quite overwhelmed by this aspect of my life.
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  Speaker 1: But on the January afternoon of which I write, I
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  Speaker 1: was fairly mastered by it. And when Miss Weightley came
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  Speaker 1: up to light the gas, which she generally did herself,
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  Speaker 1: she found me with my head on the dressing table
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  Speaker 1: in an attitude of abject despair. Miss Weightly was my landlady,
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  Speaker 1: and had been my governess in better days. My dear,
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  Speaker 1: said she, what's the matter? Only my face, said I.
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  Speaker 1: Glicerin is the best thing, said she, and began pulling
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  Speaker 1: the curtains. She knew perfectly well what I meant, Waity,
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  Speaker 1: said I musingly. How different my life would be if
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  Speaker 1: I were a pretty woman, though only for a few
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  Speaker 1: hours out of the twenty four. Oh yes, she answered,
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  Speaker 1: Yet you might be glad sometimes when the hours were over.
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  Speaker 1: I only shook my head and fell to looking into
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  Speaker 1: my own eyes again, with the yearning, stronger than it
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  Speaker 1: had ever been before, rising like a passion into my face.
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  Speaker 1: Then something unforeseen happened. Miss Waiteley, standing behind me, saw it,
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  Speaker 1: and I saw it myself, as in a dream. My
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  Speaker 1: reflected face grew blurred and then faded out, and from
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  Speaker 1: the mist there grew a new face of wonderful beauty,
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  Speaker 1: the face of my desire. It looked at me from
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  Speaker 1: the glass and when I tried to speak, its lips
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  Speaker 1: moved too. Miss Waiteley uttered a sound that was hardly
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  Speaker 1: a cry, and caught me by the shoulder. Mary, Mary,
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  Speaker 1: she said. I got up then and faced her. She
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  Speaker 1: was white as death, and her eyes were almost vacant
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  Speaker 1: with terror. What has happened? Said I. My voice was
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  Speaker 1: the same, but when I glanced down at my body,
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  Speaker 1: I saw that it also had undergone transformation. It struck me,
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  Speaker 1: in the midst of my immense surprise, as being curious
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  Speaker 1: that I should not be afraid. No explanation of the
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  Speaker 1: miracle offered itself to me. None seemed necessary. An effort
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  Speaker 1: of will had conquered the power of my material conditions,
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  Speaker 1: and I controlled them. My body fitted to my soul
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  Speaker 1: at last. I'm going mad, cried poor miss Whitely. We
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  Speaker 1: can't both be mad, said I. Don't be afraid. Tell
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  Speaker 1: me what I look like. You are perfectly beautiful, she gasped.
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  Speaker 1: I began walking up and down the room. I was
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  Speaker 1: much taller, and my dress hung clear of my ankles.
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  Speaker 1: When I noticed that, I began to laugh. Waity, I've grown,
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  Speaker 1: I cried out. She sat down. Do you feel strange,
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  Speaker 1: she asked? Just the same, only a little lodger for
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  Speaker 1: my clothes. What are we going to do? Will at last?
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  Speaker 1: I think you had better just sit down again and
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  Speaker 1: wish yourself back. Never never, If beautiful I can be beautiful,
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  Speaker 1: I will remain. Let us put down the hour and
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  Speaker 1: the date. I took up my diary and made a
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  Speaker 1: great cross against the day. Then I noticed that the
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  Speaker 1: sun set at twenty seven minutes past four. It was
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  Speaker 1: now twenty five minutes to five. I wonder what we
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  Speaker 1: can do to prove to ourselves that we've not been
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  Speaker 1: dreaming if I go back again, I questioned, let us
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  Speaker 1: first spend the evening as usual, answered Miss Whitely, I
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  Speaker 1: will tell Jane that you are out and that a
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  Speaker 1: young lady is coming to supper with me. Jane was
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  Speaker 1: our one servant. Her powers of observation were limited, and
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  Speaker 1: we did not think it would be difficult to deceive her.
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  Speaker 1: So the stranger, whose appearance seemed to bereave her of
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  Speaker 1: even her usual small allowance of sense, sat that night
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  Speaker 1: at Miss Weightly's table. At ten o'clock, we slipped up
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  Speaker 1: to my bedroom, and when Jane's tread was heard in
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  Speaker 1: the room above, we breathed freely. She's gone to bed,
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  Speaker 1: said I. Now we can brew tea and keep ourselves awake.
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  Speaker 1: We must not sleep, that is imperative. We did not sleep, though,
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  Speaker 1: to poor miss Witley, who had no sense of a
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  Speaker 1: triumphant new personality to sustain her, the task must have
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  Speaker 1: been difficult. Then suddenly, at the hour of sunrise, I
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  Speaker 1: felt a sensation as of being in darkness, in thick cloud,
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  Speaker 1: from which I emerged, with my beauty fallen from me
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  Speaker 1: like a garment. We neither of us said anything. I
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  Speaker 1: was conscious only of a physical craving for rest and sleep,
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  Speaker 1: which overpowered me. I think Miss Weightly was struck dumb
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  Speaker 1: in the presence of a wonder she could not understand.
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  Speaker 1: We kissed one another silently, and I went to bed
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  Speaker 1: and slept for a couple of hours, a dreamless sleep.
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  Speaker 1: End of chapter one chapter two of Beauty's Hour, a
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  Speaker 1: fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare. This LibriVox recording is in the
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  Speaker 1: public domain. Chapter two. When I reached Lady Harmon's that morning,
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  Speaker 1: I found the two girls, Clara and Betty, alone in
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  Speaker 1: their mother's study. Betty with the face of a romney
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  Speaker 1: and the manners of an engaging child, is wholly attractive.
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  Speaker 1: Clara is handsome too. She rather affects a friendship with
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  Speaker 1: me on intellectual grounds, which bores me. Her theories are
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  Speaker 1: the terror of my life, being always in direct opposition
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  Speaker 1: to my own, for which I have to try and account.
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  Speaker 1: But on this particular morning, she had nothing more momentous
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  Speaker 1: on her mind than a dance which her mother was
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  Speaker 1: giving the next evening. You must come to it, Betty cried.
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  Speaker 1: It will be such fun talking it over afterwards. Onlookers
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  Speaker 1: always see most of the game. You know, you are
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  Speaker 1: very kind, Betty, I said. They had long ago insisted
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  Speaker 1: that I should call them by their Christian names. Has
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  Speaker 1: it ever struck you that onlookers would sometimes like to
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  Speaker 1: be in the game instead of outside it? Betty looked
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  Speaker 1: a little confused. Well somebody must look on, said she,
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  Speaker 1: And it's lucky when they see how funny things are,
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  Speaker 1: as you always do, Mary, Is there any particular game
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  Speaker 1: going on just now? I inquired? Can I be of
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  Speaker 1: any use? There's Mallah? Said both girls. I was very
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  Speaker 1: anxious to know the precise sum of Bellah's iniquities. I
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  Speaker 1: shoved away my papers with an entire lack of conscience,
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  Speaker 1: and sat expectant. Of course, Bella is very young, Clara began,
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  Speaker 1: She being about twenty one herself, one mustn't judge her
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  Speaker 1: too hardly. Has she been doing anything you would not
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  Speaker 1: have done yourself, I asked. Betty looked at me and
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  Speaker 1: raised her eyebrows. Clara was apt to pose as an
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  Speaker 1: example to her younger sister. Well, said Clara, if I
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  Speaker 1: were engaged to some one as nice as Gerald, and
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  Speaker 1: handsome and well off and all the rest of it,
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  Speaker 1: I don't think i'd encourage a little wretch like mister Trench.
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  Speaker 1: Clara's social effics are of a wonderful simplicity, because you'd
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  Speaker 1: think it wrong, I suggested. Well, so silly, said Clara.
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  Speaker 1: I think Bella has a perfect right to do as
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  Speaker 1: she likes. Broke in Betty. She's not engaged to Gerald.
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  Speaker 1: He hasn't proposed to her, and he ought to, for
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  Speaker 1: she's awfully fond of him. I agree with you, both,
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  Speaker 1: said I, Miss Jurgis is silly, but not altogether to
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  Speaker 1: be blamed. Am I to observe her and mister Trench
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  Speaker 1: together and report the phases of the flirtation to you? Yes,
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  Speaker 1: that was what they wanted. Do you seriously think I'm
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  Speaker 1: coming to your dance. I went on, why I haven't
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  Speaker 1: got a dress or a face fit to show in
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  Speaker 1: a ball room, and I've not been to a ball
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  Speaker 1: for years. They fought this statement inch by inch. They
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  Speaker 1: would lend me a dress. My face didn't matter, and
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  Speaker 1: after all, I was only twenty eight, not really old.
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  Speaker 1: I ended the discussion by promising to go for an
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  Speaker 1: idea had flashed into my mind that made me dizzy.
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  Speaker 1: Supposing the other, the beautiful Mary, renewed her existence again
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  Speaker 1: that evening. Might she not enjoy a strange, a brief triumph?
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  Speaker 1: Would there not be a perfect, though a secret pleasure
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  Speaker 1: in seeing the look in Gerald Harmon's eyes, in surprising
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  Speaker 1: the altered tones of his voice for beauty drew him
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  Speaker 1: like a magnet. I fell into such a deep silence
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  Speaker 1: over this thought that Clara and Betty grew weary and
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  Speaker 1: went away, and I did not see them again till
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  Speaker 1: luncheon time. There were three visitors, the man who was
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  Speaker 1: in love with Betty and the man with whom Betty
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  Speaker 1: was in love. The juxtaposition of the two always delighted me.
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  Speaker 1: I don't believe they hated one another, but each believing
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  Speaker 1: himself to be the favored lover, had a fine scorn
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  Speaker 1: for the other's folly. The third guest was Bella Sturgis.
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  Speaker 1: Gerald sat at the end of the table opposite his mother.
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  Speaker 1: As I have said, the frost kept him from hunting,
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  Speaker 1: and he was disconsolate. With him, As with many finely bred,
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  Speaker 1: finely tempered Englishmen, sport was a passion more a religion.
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  Speaker 1: He put into his hunting, his shooting, his cricket, all
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  Speaker 1: the ardor all the sincerity that are necessary to achievement.
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  Speaker 1: I respected this in him, even while it moved me
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  Speaker 1: to a kind of pity, for I felt instinctively that
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  Speaker 1: though he might have skill and courage to overcome physical
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  Speaker 1: difficulties or danger, he was totally unfitted to cope with
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  Speaker 1: the more subtle side of life, and would be helpless
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  Speaker 1: in the face of an emotional difficulty. On this day
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  Speaker 1: of which I write, he was evidently suffering from some
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  Speaker 1: jar to the even tenor of his life, of which
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  Speaker 1: the continued frost was a merely superficial aggravation. By his
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  Speaker 1: side sat Bella Sturgis. I looked at her with a
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  Speaker 1: more critical eye than usual. She had a great air
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  Speaker 1: of languid distinction. Everything about her was perfect, from the
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  Speaker 1: pose of her head to the intonation of her voice.
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  Speaker 1: She very rarely looked at me, and I don't think
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  Speaker 1: she had ever clearly realized who I was. I felt
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  Speaker 1: sure Gerald had not imparted his discoveries to her. With
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  Speaker 1: regard to my wits. I never spoke at luncheon when
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  Speaker 1: she was there, But to day, the memory of that
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  Speaker 1: face in the glass the night before made me reckless
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  Speaker 1: and audacious. I've been constituted the girl's special reporter to
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  Speaker 1: morrow night, said I to Gerald. I am to observe
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  Speaker 1: the faces and the flirtations. Then you may constitute yourself
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  Speaker 1: my special reporter, too, said he gloomily. It will be
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  Speaker 1: the next best thing to dancing. I went on, why
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  Speaker 1: don't you dance, Miss Sturgis asked, lifting her eyes and
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  Speaker 1: looking at me for an instant. I confess I was
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  Speaker 1: a little surprised at the cleverness of her thrust, because
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  Speaker 1: nobody asks me, I said, with a smile. My candor
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  Speaker 1: had no effect on her. She turned to Gerald with
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  Speaker 1: an air that dismissed the whole subject. I noticed that
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  Speaker 1: he would hardly answer her, and I supposed that the
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  Speaker 1: breach between them had widened, so she addressed herself to
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  Speaker 1: the man with whom Betty was in love, thereby throwing
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  Speaker 1: the table into a state of suppressed agitation. With the
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  Speaker 1: exception of Lady Harmon, who professed to notice none of
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  Speaker 1: the details of domestic life, she left such things to
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  Speaker 1: the girls or the servants, and devoted herself to the
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  Speaker 1: care of people in Billingsgate or in the tropics who
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  Speaker 1: had need of her. She said, But she was really
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  Speaker 1: kind and always had a joint for lunch because it
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  Speaker 1: was Mary's dinner. And though I often yearned for the
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  Speaker 1: other more interesting dishes, I never dared to suggest any
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  Speaker 1: deviation from beef and mutton. To day it was mutton.
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  Speaker 1: Won't you have some more? Said Lady Harmon. I can't
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  Speaker 1: help thinking how much we waste. Some of my poor
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  Speaker 1: families would be so glad of this, And here's only
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  Speaker 1: Mary touches it. Oh, mother, said Betty, your poor people
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  Speaker 1: are always starving, and a leg more or less wouldn't
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  Speaker 1: make much difference. What's an arm or a leg compared
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  Speaker 1: with a face? Said the young man who was in
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  Speaker 1: love with Betty, with his eyes fixed on her. His
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  Speaker 1: remark had no direct bearing on the subject which he had,
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  Speaker 1: but Whore followed, and it sent her into a fit
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  Speaker 1: of suppressed laughter, with which Clara remonstrated in an undertone.
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  Speaker 1: I don't care, said the rebellious Betty. It's Gerald's house,
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  Speaker 1: and as long as he doesn't mind my giggling, I
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  Speaker 1: shall giggle. I mind nothing, said the master of the house.
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  Speaker 1: His mood was obviously overcast. I saw Bella throw a
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  Speaker 1: look at him out of her deep eyes, the eyes
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  Speaker 1: of a woman who has always lived under emotional conditions.
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  Speaker 1: I began to realize dimly what such conditions might be like.
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  Speaker 1: He got up and pushed his chair from the table.
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  Speaker 1: Will you excuse me, said he. I have an engagement.
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  Speaker 1: Do go, said lady Harmon. You are always late. Gerald.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure you ought to go at once Bella held
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  Speaker 1: out her hand to him. It's a revoir, not good bye,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: said he, and did not take it. That evening, my
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: transformation took place again under the same conditions of ardent
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  Speaker 1: desire on my part. Tomorrow, said I to miss Weitely,
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  Speaker 1: I shall go to the Harmon's ball in the character
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  Speaker 1: of Mary Havely Heavenly had been my mother's maiden name.
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  Speaker 1: But you have no dress, said miss Weitely, and how
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  Speaker 1: can you account for yourself? I must do it, I cried.
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  Speaker 1: You must think of some plan. Let us go, said
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: she to doctor Trefusis, end of chapter two, chapter three
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: of Beauty's Hour, a fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare. This LibriVox
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  Speaker 1: recording is in the public domain. Chapter three Doctor Trefusis
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: was the only man who had ever loved me. He
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  Speaker 1: was my father's great friend. But I feel sure he
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  Speaker 1: must once have been in love with my mother. At
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  Speaker 1: least I can only account for his great affection for
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  Speaker 1: myself on some such sentimental hypothesis. When my father died
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  Speaker 1: four years ago and I was involved in money difficulties,
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  Speaker 1: it was doctor Trefusis who took me in and eventually
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  Speaker 1: got me my secretary ship with Lady Harmon. He wanted
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  Speaker 1: me to share his home, but this I refused to do,
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  Speaker 1: believing that his affection for me would not stand the
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  Speaker 1: test of losing his liberty and his solitude. When we
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  Speaker 1: reached his house, he was out, and we waited some
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: time in the library. He won't believe us, Miss Whateley
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  Speaker 1: kept saying, And this seemed so likely that I was
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: shivering with nervousness. When he at last came in. You
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  Speaker 1: won't believe it, said Miss Waitely, But this is Mary Gower.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: He looked very blank, but recovering his presence of mind,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: turned to me and said, a cousin, I presume of
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: my old friend Mary Gower. Oh, doctor Trefusis, cried I.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: We have come to you with the most extraordinary story.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Don't you know my voice? I am Mary, but I
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: have got into another body. The voice is Mary's, said he,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: in the tone of one balancing evidence. Then Miss Waitely
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: began telling him what had happened. While I sat in silence,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: watching the mixture of wonder and skepticism on his face.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I noticed also another look when his eyes met mine,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: a look that was almost devout. He had always been
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: a worshiper of beauty. When the story was done, he
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: began asking questions. My answers seemed unsatisfactory. We sat at
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: last without speaking, while he looked at me and drummed
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: on the table. You are very plausible people, he said
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: at length. But you can't expect me to believe all this,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: though I'm at a loss to imagine why you should
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: take the trouble to play such a practical joke on
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: a poor old fellow like myself. Still, I'll not be
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: ungracious and grumble, for it has given me a great
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: deal of pleasure to see anything so charming in this
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: dull place. He got up, as though he wished to
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: end the interview. I was in despair. His determination not
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: to recognize me struck like a blow at my sense
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: of identity. Then the thought came, could I, by a
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: supreme effort of will, induce a transformation under his very eyes.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I held out my right hand, long and beautiful, with
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: delicate fingers that yet were full of nervous strength. That said, I,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: is not the hand of Mary Gower. He shrugged his shoulders.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: It is not, said he look at it. I cried.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Then came an awful moment, during which I concentrated my
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: whole will in a passion of energy. The room went black.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I was dimly conscious that Doctor Trefusis had fallen on
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: his knees by the table and was watching the hand
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I held under the lamp with suspended breath. For it
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: had begun to change. Some subtle difference passed over it,
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: like a cloud over the face of the sun. Its
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: beauty of line and color faded. The long fingers shrunk
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: and widened. The blue veined whiteness darkened into a coarser tint.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: The fine nails lost their shape and grew ugly, stunted
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: and opaque. Doctor Trefusis spoke no word. I felt his
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: fingers were ice cold as he turned up my sleeve
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: and noted how the coarsened wrist grew into the perfect arm.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: He held my hand and swung it to and fro.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Then he left the room abruptly, saying, don't move. I
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: sat still at the table. Miss Weiteley came and stood
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: by me. Marry. She said, it must be wrong. It
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: is playing with some terrible power. You don't understand. Probably
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: we've all got it, I answered, dreamily. It is perhaps
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: a spark of the creator force. But doctor Triffusus and
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: all his science won't be able to explain it. Then
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: the doctor came back with instruments and microscopes and I
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: know not what, and began to examine the miracle. At
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: last he looked up at me. I can make nothing
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: of it, said he. But it is the hand of
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Mary Gower that is beyond dispute. Now let it go. Back.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: He held it in his own. This time the change
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: was quicker, and he dropped it with a shudder. Now
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: do you believe me, I asked. He answered yes, and
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: sat lost in thought. You had better go home now,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: he said, Presently, I must think over all this. There
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: must be some hypothesis. Miracles don't happen. You must let
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: me see you every day. I never have understood, and
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: never shall understand, the scientific theories which he had first
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: built up in order to account for what had happened
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: to me. I was grateful for the curiosity and interest
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: that my case roused in him, because there led him
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: to help me in practical ways. Let any attempt at
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: a scientific explanation of the mystery struck me as being
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: irrelevant and not particularly interesting. This attitude on my part
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: at once amused and irritated him. He gave up trying
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: to make me understand the meaning of his investigations and
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: of the experiments which he made me try. For It
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: was not till later that he came to look upon
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: the matter as beyond any scientific solution, and only to
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: be accounted for on grounds which he would at first
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: have rejected with scorn. I passed these things over because
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I could not write of them intelligibly, and I might
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: be doing Doctor Trefusis some injustice by an imperfect exposition.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: On this occasion, I burst in suddenly and scattered his
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: reflections by declaring that I must go to the Harmon's
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: ball the next night. In my new character. The idea
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: seemed to divert him. Ha said he Mary Gower wants
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: to taste the sweets of success, does she upon my soul?
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: It would be worth seeing you, my dear, but it
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: would be difficult to account for the sudden rising of
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: such a star. Not if you took me and chaperoned
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: and uncled me, I said. He took a turn or
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: two in the room. Why not, he said, then with
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: a laugh, Oh, doctor Trefusis, would you really? I cried
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: out and seized him by both hands. He held them
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: and looked at me oddly. He is a man of
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: nearly sixty and my old friend, so I could not
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: be angry when he bent down and kissed me. I
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: would do anything for a pretty woman, said he. I
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: felt a sudden pang. This was the first tribute offered
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: to my beauty, and it hurt. Was Mary Gower beginning
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: already to be jealous of Mary Haatherly. We settled the
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: matter with jests and laughter. Doctor Trefusis has the spirit
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: of a child and the capacity for making abrupt transitions
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: from thessirious to the absurd, and he now entered into
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: the plot as though it were a game, as though
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: nothing had happened to unnerve and startle him. But a
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: short time before I was to be his niece, a
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: niece from the country. My further inquiries were made, and
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: my non appearance during the day had to be accounted for.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I was to be a devoted art student, an eccentric
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: who gave her days to painting and her evenings to pleasure.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Miss Whiteley's faint objections were soon silenced. We parted with
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: a promise to meet the next morning, when the Harmon
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: household would be upset, and I should not be wanted
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: to choose a ball dress. Not that that face of
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: yours needs any artificial setting, were his last words. I
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: only hope you won't repent. All this were Miss Whiteley's.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: As we went up to bed end of chapter three
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: chapter four of Beauty's Hour, a fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter four.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: My father had taken me, as a young girl to balls.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I had sat out, unnoticed but observant, and it had
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: seemed to me that, under apparently artificial conditions, women grouped
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: themselves into three distinct types, which were almost primitive in
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: their lack of complexity, the beauty, the woman whose claims
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: to beauty are not universally acknowledged, and the plain woman.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: The beauty always pleased me the most. She was unconscious,
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: using her divine right of sovereignty, with a carelessness only
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: possible to one born in the purple. Experience had bred
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: in her a certainty of pleasing that made her indifferent
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: to the effect she produced, which indifference made her the
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: more effective that she had her secret moments of scorn.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I never doubted a born of that lust of the
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: eye which held her beauty too dear. And I wondered
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: whether any such woman had ever felt tempted, in some
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: moment of outraged emotion, to curse the loveliness that men loved,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: careless of the heart or head. The woman with disputable
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: claims annoyed me. She seemed to me like a queen
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: dependent on the humor of the mob from whose brows
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: the uneasy crown might be torn and trampled under foot,
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: and then replaced at a caprice. She was uncertain of herself,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: too much affected by the opinions of others to be
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: easy or unconscious. I was sorry for her too. I
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: felt sure that she often married the man who thought
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: her beautiful out of gratitude, for she was always unduly grateful,
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: her attitude towards the world being one of mingled deprecation
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: and assertion. As for the plain woman, had I not
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: stood hand in hand with her outside the gates of
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Paradise all my life, the Angel with the two edged
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: sword looking on us with eyes that held both pity
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: and satire, Oh kind Angel, stand aside, and let us
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: look through the bars and see gracious figures going to
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: and fro, and listen to strange music and to the
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: sound of voices moved by a keen, sweet passion. We look,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: we fall back, and know the angel by his several names, Fate, injustice, mercy.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: I had always recognized the subtle emotional intoxicant that is
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: distilled from the atmosphere of a ball room. It seemed
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: to come in great waves about me as I walked
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: up the Harmon's ball room, followed by doctor Trefusis. He
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: had written for permission to bring his niece, and they
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: were prepared to see me. No, I am wrong, They
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: were not prepared. Lady Harmon was visibly taken Aback, and
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: Clara and Betty had something deferential in their manner which
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: showed a desire to be unusually pleasing. Then Gerald came forward.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: His eyes met mine with the look of one who
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: sees something he has long sought and despaired of finding.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Can you spare me a dance? He asked, pausing at
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: the name. My name is Haatherley said I. My voice
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: struck him. He glanced at me with a puzzled expression
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: and hesitated for a moment. I must have more than one,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: he said. That was so like Gerald. I nearly laughed.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: The page is blank, you see, I answered. He took
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: advantage of my remark and wrote his name several times
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: in my programe I have the program still, dancing had
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: begun again. A crowd had emerged from the stairs and
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: the ante rooms. A number of men were introduced to me,
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: some of whom I had already seen at the house.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: The first with whom I danced was a Colonel Weston.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: I knew him on Betty's authority to be a beautiful dancer.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: But he was a head shorter than I, and I
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: smiled involuntarily when he said, shall we dance? He caught
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: my smile. Why are you so divinely tall, O, daughter
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: of the gods? Said he? And from what a limp
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: and height have you descended this evening? Why have I
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: never met you before? I will answer no questions, said I,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: till we have danced. My feet ache to begin. Then
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: they don't dance on Olympus. The gods must come among
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: the mortals to make merry. I said, for which thing?
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Let us be thankful? He answered. Then we moved away.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I had been hitherto a bad dancer, But to night
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: I felt a spirit in my feet and realized for
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: the first time the mysterious joy of perfect motion. As
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: we paused near the door, I saw Bellasturgis coming slowly
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: up the stairs. She did not take her eyes off me.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: I saw her question the man on whose arm she
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: was leaning, but he looked at me without answering. It
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: was a revelation that look in their eyes. I saw
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: it repeated in other faces, over and over again, as
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I walked slowly across the ball room. After the dance
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: was over. The next was with Gerald. My pulses beat thickly,
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: and I was hardly conscious of the outside world till
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: we stopped dancing, and he led me into a little
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: room which I did not at the moment recognize as
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Lady Harmon's study. And so I have met you at last,
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: he said, And I asked him what he meant. Yours
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: is the face I have been looking for all my life,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: he answered. There was a strange simplicity in his voice
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: and words, as though he spoke on an impulse that
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: overruled all conventions, all fear of offense. But what of
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: the woman behind the face? I questioned? Can I ever
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: hope to know her? If you know her, you will
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: be disappointed. She is like any other woman. He shook
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: his head. I don't believe it. Tell me what she
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: is really like. I looked round vaguely, my thoughts intent
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: on what I should say to him. Then I suddenly
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: noticed the pictures on the walls and remembered that this
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: was the room in which Mary Gower sat every day.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: She is not without heart, and she has a head
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: that can think, said I, that is not like every
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: other woman. Would you credit her with either if she
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: had another face? I asked him. Something in my voice
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: struck him for the second time. He looked at me
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: with a quickened attention. The face is an indication of
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: the soul, surely, he answered. That is a lie, said I,
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: a lie invented to cover the injustice done alike to
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: the beautiful woman and the woman who is not beautiful injustice,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: he echoed. The thing is so simple, said I, with
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: a bitterness. I could not hide you place beauty on
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: a pedestal. Her face is an index to her soul.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: You say, what happens if you find she does not
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: possess the soul which she never claimed to have, but
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: which you insisted on crediting her with, you dethrone her
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: with ignominy. The case of the other woman is as hard.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: She has a face that does not attract you, so
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: you deny her the soul that you forced on the
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: other one. She goes through life branded not by individuals,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: I allow, but by public opinion. The vox popular is
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: the voice of nature tis true. But nature is very hard,
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: very ruthless. I stopped Gerald sat looking at me with
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: a rapt gaze, but I saw he had not listened
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: to a word, I said. The Hungarian band had begun
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: playing again in the ballroom. As I listened and watched
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: the fantastic whirl of the dancers through the open door.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: They seemed to me to symbolize the burden of all
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: the ages, desire and satiety, illusion and reality, dancing hand
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: in hand to a music wild and tender, as love,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: sad and stern, as life partners that look ever in
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: one another's eyes, and dance on in despite of what
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: they see. Let us go and dance, too, said Gerald.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: I have no very clear recollection of the rest of
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: that evening. There was unreality in the air, and a
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: glamor and an aching pain. Men and women said gracious
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: things to me, yet seemed to watch me with cruel faces.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: I was only conscious at the last of an imperative
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: desire to fly, to hide myself, to escape even from
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: Gerald's presence, and to be alone. End of chapter four
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: Beauty's Hour of Fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare. This LibriVox recording
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: is in the public domain. Chapter five there was confusion
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: in the Harmon's house The next day, I did no work,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: but sat tirdly with the girls in their sitting room
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: while they talked over the ball. They were full of
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: the new beauty, Miss Hatherley, and such an odd thing, Mary,
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: Gerald says, she reminds him of you. Quite impossible, said I,
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: But I've thank him something in her voice and way
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: of talking. Betty went on, you have a nice voice,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: you know, Gerald says, she is very original, and Goodness
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: knows he had opportunity enough of finding out he danced
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: with no one else. I nearly contradicted that statement, but
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: saved myself in time. I'm so sorry I couldn't go,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I said instead. Did miss Stogius enjoy herself? And are
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: you really better? Said Betty? You didn't see mill in
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: the afternoon? As for Bella, Oh, Bella interrupted Clara. Bella
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: had best look to her laurels. No one noticed her
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: while Miss Heatherley was in the room. I went on
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: with my questions. Do you suppose miss Heatherley enjoyed her success?
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: They laughed, Why? Yes, if she's like other girls, perhaps
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: she isn't. Do all girls enjoy being admired at the
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: expense of some one else. Clara looked out of the
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: window with an assumption of unconsciousness. Betty, who is more candid,
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: answered at once. One can't help liking it. I laughed outright.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Does miss Heatherley seem nice? I asked? Next charming, said Clara,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: we have taken quite a fancy to her. Mother is
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: writing to day to ask her to dine and go
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: to the theater with us to morrow. That was Gerald's idea.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: I received this piece of news in silence. Every one
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: wants to know her, Clara went on. Doctor trefusis was
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: overwhelmed with questions and inquiries as to whether people might
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: call and so on. She paints all day through and
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: works quite hard, as though she had to do it.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: Oh isn't it why odd? Said I. I suppose she
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: likes it. But a passion for art is unnecessary in
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: a pretty woman, no doubt. And Betty broke in with, oh,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: there you go again, Mary, always finding fault with pretty women.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Not with them, my dear, but with the world, I said, laughing.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: You can't say I find fault with you, Betty. Oh
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: I'm not pretty, said she by Miss Haavinley. I was
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: touched by her speech. You're a generous creature, I said,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: I have always supposed it a mistake to think that
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: one pretty girl is jealous of another. Betty put her
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: head on one side, and with an odd mixture of
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: wisdom and drollery, answered, well, we like beauty, and we don't.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: We like it because it's interesting and exciting and successful,
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: and a pretty girl gives one's house a certain reputation.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: We don't approve when she annextes people who belong to us. Naturally,
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: all the same, we can't help feeling she must do
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: as she pleases. She's privileged. I had no idea you
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: were so profound, said Clara, a little sharply, and I
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: wondered whether it is possible that women are more tenacious
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: of an intellectual than of a physical superiority. Betty only laughed.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: I'm off, said she. I promised to meet the Sturgises
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: in the park, but Gerald won't come, and I'm half
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: afraid to face Bella alone. Good Bye, Mary. We'll ask
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: you to meet miss Heatherley when we know her better.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: When I got home, I found that doctor Trefusus had
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: sent on Lady Harmon's letter. I sat over it for
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: some time, thinking, Then I wrote and said I would
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: go Miss Waiteley looked at me wistfully when I told her,
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: I'm afraid you will get into some trouble, Mary, she said,
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: and you can't possibly wear the ball dress. I must go,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: I retorted. I am at last seeing life as a
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: woman ought to see it. I can't give up the privilege,
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: at least not yet. You won't give it up till
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: you have paid the penalty, Miss Weightley answered. I shrugged
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: my shoulders as though I did not believe her. I
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: must have another dress, I cried. Miss Weighty would have
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: given me the clothes off her back, she said, but
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: as that would not avail me much, she offered to
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: lend me some money. I accepted the offer with a
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: recklessness born of my strange position, and we went out
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: shopping after sunset, Mary Heatherly and Miss Weightly. The people
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: in the shops seemed anxious to please me, even when
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: they found that I could afford to pay but little
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: for what I wanted. They probably looked upon me as
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: a good advertisement, and I enjoyed the novelty of being
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: treated with a deferential consideration. It was a very cold night.
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: As we passed along the freezing gas lit streets, we
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: met but few people. We had to cross the square
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: in which doctor Trefusus lived. On our way home, I
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: noticed before we reached his door that a man in
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: a fur overcoat was pacing slowly up and down the pavement.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Why did he linger in such weather, I wondered vaguely.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: Then I saw it was Gerald Harmon. I put my
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: muff up to my face and passed him by. I
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: knew too well that he was waiting on the chance
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: of seeing Mary Heatherly on her way home from a
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: day's work at the studio. You do not work very
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: late these foggy days, I suppose, he asked me tentatively.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: The next evening at dinner, I make gas light studies,
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: said I shortly. Is it permitted to anybody to go
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: and see you at work? Oh? No, I answered with
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: a smile. I paint in earnest. I waited an hour
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: in Dorchester Square last night. He went on, very low,
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: in the hope of seeing you. That was misplaced heroism,
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: said I. In such weather, I should advise you not
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: to do it again. I shall do it every evening,
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: he declared, And I only laughed a little, as though
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: the subject were not of the remotest interest, and turned
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: to my neighbor. Gerald sat by me at the play.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: I went so seldom to the theater that I was
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: always arrested by the interest of the peace and of
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: the actors. I sat in the front of the box
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: by Lady Harmon, who I was certain suffered under the
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: uneasy sensation that she was taking a leap in the
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: dark in encouraging a young, unknown woman with nothing to
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: recommend her but her looks, though on the other hand,
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: she was upheld by the authoritative voice of society, which
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: had pronounced a favorable verdict on me. Behind us were
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: Gerald and Betty. It was such an intimate family party
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: that I had great difficulty in not using the familiar
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: tone of every day. When I had only just saved
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: myself from calling Betty by her Christian name and pointing
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: out an acquaintance of Gerald's, whom I knew by sight
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: in the stalls, I was sobered silence fell upon me.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: I was so acutely aware of Gerald's presence, which seemed
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: like a light at which I could not bear to look,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: that I tried to distract myself by noting the faces
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: of the other people in the house, till the curtain
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: should rise. Here and there I caught glimpses of a
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: pretty head, the graceful turn of a neck, an expression
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: of happiness, or of vivacity, But the audience was mostly ugly,
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: dull and uninteresting. Yet I felt sorry for all these people,
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: for their inarticulate, dumb way of going through life untouched
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: by passion, save in its baser aspects, or only apprehending
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: the ideal through some conventionalized form of religion or some
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: dim discontent. The play was Romeo and Juliet. The Juliet
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: was beautiful, but she could only look the part, and
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: the young man who acted Romeo was no ideal lover.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: Yet the immortal golden play of youth and passion tears
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: and quickened heartbeats for each woman in the house was
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: Juliette tasting somemmer rapture, perhaps lost, perhaps never realized, of
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: first love. The curtain dropped, I sat in a dream,
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: and Lady Harmon's voice seemed to come from very far away.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: It's a pretty play, she said, but don't you think
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: it's rather a muddle. I never can make out who
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: is who? It doesn't matter, answered Betty, don't trouble. Mother, Dear,
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: what a lovely thing it would be for private theatricals.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: Parts of it, that is, Gerald, wouldn't Bella make a
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: good Juliette. Her remark might or might not have been malicious.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: But Gerald started Bella. He ejaculated and looked at me.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: His look said plainly what his lips had not yet dared.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: No man had ever looked at me with entreaty, passion,
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: humility in his eyes. I looked back at him, the
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: soul of Mary Gower, speaking through the eyes of Mary heavily.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: He flushed and went pale again, and I regretted what
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: I had done. For the rest of the evening, I
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: devoted myself to Lady Harmone. Gerald seemed lost in thought
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: and only roused himself when the carriage stopped at doctor
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: Trefusus's door. I shall never see you alone, said he
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: as we stood on the doorstep. I cannot talk to you.
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: I must write to you. He ended with a sort
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: of despairing impatience. Do not write, said I, And then
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: the door was opened by the doctor. In per Gerald
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: seemed hardly able to speak to him. When a few
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: words had passed, he went back abruptly to the carriage.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Mary said, Doctor Trefusus, you are a great trouble to me.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: Now I've got to take you home and interrupt my
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: studies in Rosenkrantz and the Pope Honorious most absorbing old impostors. No,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: I won't say that, for I'm beginning to think there
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: may be some method in their madness. You have led
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: me into devious paths, Mary heavily. By the way, who's
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: that good looking young fellow. That's Gerald Harmon, said I.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: The doctor looked at me with a sort of inquisitive
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: sympathy and shrugged his shoulders when he left me at
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: my own house. You are playing with fire, my dear,
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: he said, And I'm an old fool to help you.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: You are helping me to buy the experience that teach
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: I said, and it teaches bitter lessons. Enough, don't fear
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: for me. End of chapter five Chapter six of Beauty's Hour,
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: a fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare. This LibriVox recording is in
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: the public domain. Chapter six. I had never received a
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: love letter, and the only scrap of Gerald Harmon's writing
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: that I possessed was a little note which said, dear
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: miss Gower. My mother asks me to write and tell
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: you that she will be back tomorrow and expects you
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: on Thursday as usual. Yours, very truly, Gerald Harmon. I
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: sat comparing this letter with the letter he had written
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: to marry Heatherly, and I do not think I have
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: ever known a more miserable moment. I ought to begin
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: by asking you to forgive me the letter. Ran. I
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: am afraid of your thinking me too bold in writing.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: Yet you must know that love comes sometimes in a
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: sort of flash that makes one see life quite differently
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: in a moment. That is what happened to me the
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: first time I ever saw you. Since then, I have
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: thought of nothing else. If you would be kind, if
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: you would care what becomes of me, I might be
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: able to make a better thing of life. I have
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: been very idle and useless always, and now I feel
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: ashamed of it. I dare not ask you if you
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: could ever care for me. Not yet you know how
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: I love you and am ever yours, Gerald Harmon. I
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: was sitting in my bedroom at the little dressing table,
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: which did duty for a writing table too. I looked
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: again into my own eyes in the glass, as I
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: had done on that memorable evening that seemed such a
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: very long while ago. We knew one another's bitterness, my reflection,
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: and I and laughed aloud. Man's love, said I to
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: the face in the glass, man's humility, man's cry of
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: trample on me and remold me. What does it all
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: amount to? Here? Am I the same woman with two faces?
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: A woman counts for nothing. The face determines my life.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: A man can only see inspiration and eyes that are beautiful.
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: Words can only influence him when the lips that say
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: them have curves and a smile at delight. I marry Gower,
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: could love him, could help him as far as my
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: soul and will go. But he cannot see this. A
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: man sees only with the outer never with the inner eye.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: Perhaps we are unjust, I went on again. Presently there
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: are no doubt men to whom the outside of a
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: woman is not the hall. But they must have learnt discernment,
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: either through some special suffering, or they are perhaps lacking
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: in sensuous instincts and care but little for women at all,
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: either from the intellectual or the emotional side. Gerald is
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: not one of these. He is like other men. His
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: point of view may be fairly taken as representing a
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: normal one, and he loves Mary Heatherly come in, I
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: went on, in answer to a knock at the door.
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: There's going to be no transformation to night waiting. I'm
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: tired of masquerading. I am very tired of life. I
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: was born too serious. I can't live in the passing
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: hour and enjoy it. I think of yesterday and of
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: to morrow. Why can't I fling all care to the
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: winds and make merry with the other. Mary's beautiful face
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: and all it brings me. Miss Waiteley put her hands
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: on my shoulder, and I turned to her and wept.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: I did not answer Gerald's letter, nor did I see
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: him till a few days later, when he strolled into
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: Lady Harmon's study in his usual careless way. I'm out
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: of sorts, Mary said. He let me sit here while
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: you talk to me. I like the sound of your voice.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: I knew why he liked the sound of my voice,
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: and it hardened me against him. Why out of sorts?
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: Said I haven't you eaten drunk and been merry? What
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: more does a man want? I've eaten less, drunk considerably more,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: and not been in the least merry, he answered, just now.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: I wish that I might die to morrow, or even
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: to day. I looked at him with a sudden pity
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: mixed with my anger, that pity which is at once
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: the root and the flower of love. You are unhappy, really,
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: I asked, knowing that Mary Heavily had not answered his letter.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: I'm miserable, he cried out. Then he began walking up
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: and down the room, and I felt, with a quickening
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: of fear and interest, that he was going to speak
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: to me of her. I yielded then to a strange impulse,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: which was almost like jealousy of myself. What has Bellastotius
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: been doing? Said I? He stopped dead. Bella. She seems
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: to have drifted a thousand miles away. She belongs to
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: the old life from which I am cut off. There's
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: a gulf opened between me and it. She is on
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: the other side. I don't understand, then, said I, oh, Mary,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: Gerald cried, I'm hit very hard this time. Haven't you
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: heard of Mary Heavily? Tell me about her? I said.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: There was a great fire in the room, and I
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: sat close to it, but my hands were like ice.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: Gerald leant against the mantel, piece and looked down on me.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: He was full of that intoxicating spirit of youth and
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: enthusiasm which carries such an irresistible appeal to those whose
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: own youth is clouded and who cannot rise above a
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: resigned cheerfulness. Even now, when he declared awed himself to
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: be miserable, there was an ardor in his discouragement which
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: made it almost a desirable emotion. Mary Heavinly, he began,
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: reminds me, in some strange way of you. She says
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: things so like what you say, and the very voice
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: is like but she's very lovely. I interposed, and you've
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: fallen seriously in love. At last, he did not resent
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: my remark seriously at last, he answered with a smile.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: Why have you never fallen in love with me? I asked?
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: Then he began to laugh with genuine amusement. You're an
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: amusing person, said he I shall if you're not careful? Well,
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: but why not? I persisted. It's true that I am
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: only your mother's secretary, But you say I'm like me, heavinly,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: in my ideas and way of talking. Is it the
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: face that makes the difference? I know you are following
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: up something infernally abstruse, said he. That has no relation
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: to the facts of life. That's so like you. I
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: dare say the face does make a difference. It makes
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: a difference in the whole personality. I wanted to find
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: out the facts, said I, and you have given me
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: a fairly direct answer, which can serve as a premise
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: from which I shall draw my conclusions. And your conclusions
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: are that justice is an ironical goddess whose eyes are
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: never really bandaged. Your vein is too deep for me
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: to day. I wanted to tell you all my troubles,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: and you talk to me as though I were a professor.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: I didn't mean to be unkind, said I. If you
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: are really serious, I'm sorry. Sorry, you are sorry, he
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: asked quickly. It's such an old story. You fall in
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: love with a girl's beautiful face. It's not the first
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: time you've done it. You endow her with all sorts
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: of qualities, you make her into an idol, and the
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: whole thing only means that your esthetic sense is gratified.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: That's a poor way of loving. It's a very real way,
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: said Gerald, with some warmth. I think you are horribly unsympathetic.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: I am in earnest, I answered, a very short while ago,
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: you were quite taken up with Bella's sturgis. You don't
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: care the least for her feelings. You simply follow your
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: impulses and desert her for a more attractive woman. I
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: do not know what made me espouse Bella's cause. Perhaps
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: I was hurt more than I had time to realize,
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: and seized on the first weapon to my hand. You
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: don't spare my feelings, Gerald said, in a lo oh voice.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: All I can say is that if Mary heavenly won't
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: have anything to do with me, I shall go away.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: I shall go and shoot big game, anything to get
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: out of this horrible place I am in earnest. I
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: wasn't in earnest about Bella. I admired her very much
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: and all that, and mother is always urging me to
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: marry I should probably have drifted into marrying her. He
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: broke off. I felt an unreasoning anger against him, poor Bella,
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: I cried, you may drift into marrying her. Yet that
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: finished our conversation. He went away without another word, leaving
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: me alone with my anger and my heart ache. End
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: of chapter six. Beauty's Hour a fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter seven.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: I confess that about this time I was led astray
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: and overmastered by conflicting emotions. My work and my battles
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: with Lady Harman's peculiarities became unutterably irksome. I forgot how
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: to efface myself. I spoke at the wrong moment and
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: on the wrong subject. I did not remember to be sympathetic,
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: and I expected sympathy. In fact, I confused what was
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: permitted to marry Haatherly with what was permitted to marry Gower,
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: with the result that I drank the cup of bitterness
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: each day the cup of triumph each night. At this
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: time I was much sought after. My devotion to art
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: was supposed to denote genius, though it was hardly respectable
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: and wholly unnecessary. But people forgave me my person distant
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: refusal to see anyone or to go anywhere during the day,
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: and asked me to their houses in the evening. I
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: was often chaperoned by Lady Harmon, sometimes by Doctor Trefusus himself.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: I had many admirers, but I only remember them vaguely,
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: like figures in a dream. The golden key that opened
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: their hearts led me into strange places. Some had never
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: been tenanted, and were so cold and bare that I
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: felt they could never be really warm or pleasant. Others
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: had been swept and garnished, and I was asked to
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: believe that all traces of their former occupants were gone.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: Others were full of rust and cobwebs, and old toys,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: broken and thrust away. There was no room even for
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: a new plaything. The key unlocked, no sanctuary with altar
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: lights and incense burning, waiting for the one divinity that
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: was to fill it empty shrine. Those who loved me
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: had loved before and would love again. Women whose idole
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: is success worshiped me too. In their curious fashion. It
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: became desirable in their eyes to be known as the
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: friend of Mary Heavenly. A note of distinction was thus sounded.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: They were proud to demonstrate the fact that they were
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: above jealousy or fear of rivalry. I liked many of them,
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: with a liking tempered by amusement. I am glad to
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: think now that I did not interfere wantonly with their lovers,
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: their husbands, or their sons. I was discreet to the
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: verge of being disagreeable. Indeed, had it not been from
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: my face, I think they might almost have resented my
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: indifference to their male belongings and taken it as a
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: personal affront. I saw a great deal of Gerald in
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: the character of Mary Hatherley. The frost held, and he
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: remained in London without a murmur. He was not much
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: at home during the day, and Mary Gower had no
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: speech with him alone. Something has happened to Gerald, Betty
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: said one day. I mean, besides this business about Mary,
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: they called her Mary. By this time he wanders about
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: picture galleries. I've found out, and some one saw him
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: the other day in the British Museum. Isn't that somewhere
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: in the city? Not quite so bad? Said I. The
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: city had been Betty's terror ever since she had been
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: taken to the tower as a child. But isn't mister
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: Harmon merely improving his mind? Yes? But why cried his sister.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: He's done very well all these years without it. It
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: isn't as though he were the sort of man who
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: could do nothing else. He can ride and shoot better
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: any man, I know, why should he want to improve
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: his mind? Her somewhat incoherent speech, amused me, And it
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: was true. A superficial culture would have sat oddly on
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: Gerald Harmon, whose charm lay in his simplicity and a
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: certain gallant bearing that might have fitted him to be
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: the hero of a romance of the Elizabethan age, in
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: which men were either knights or shepherds, full of a
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: natural bravery and keenly susceptible to the influence of women's beauty.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: Miss Hatherley is an artist, I suggested in answer to
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: Betty's remarks. She shrugged her shoulders. Miss Hatherley's just flirting
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: with him, said she. This was true. I had answered
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: his letter, not in writing, nor indeed by any explicit
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: word of mouth. But I had been kind and had
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: let him see that the letter had not displeased me.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: I had also led him to understand, and that the
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: time was not yet come for any more open speech.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: On his part. I was capricious. I used my power
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: with but little mercy. These were days when I made
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: him miserable, and days when I knew the world was
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: re created for him by my kindness. Yet I was
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: more wretched than I had ever been when I was
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: only Mary Gower. I grew to hate the other. Mary's
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: beautiful face, her smile, the gracious turn of her head,
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: her shapely hands. I grew to hate all this with
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: a passionate intensity that frightened me. I seemed to have
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: realized Mary heavily in a strange objective way, as distinct
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: from myself. She was the woman Gerald Harmon loved. She
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: was the woman I should have been and was not.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: And then came a heart stricken moment when I knew
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: she was the woman who had done both Gerald and
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: another a wrong that might never be undone. It happened
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: in this wise. I had gone down one day to
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: the girl's sitting room to fetch a book I had
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: left there. When I met Gerald on the stairs, he
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: passed me by with the briefest possible word, and with
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: a look of annoyance on his face that I was
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: at a loss to account for till I reached the
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: sitting room and found Bella Sturgis there. She was sitting
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: with her face on her arms by the writing table,
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: and I could see that she was crying. My instinct
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: was to leave her, but I was not quick enough
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: to escape her notice, and she turned upon me with
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: an angry movement. Why didn't you knock, said she In
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: her confusion and distress, she mistook me for a servant.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: I should have laughed, had I not been overcome by
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: the conviction that Gerald had just left her and that
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: something had passed between them which was connected with Mary Heatherly.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: I am sorry if I disturbed, you, said I. I
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: have come for a book I left here. Then she
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: saw her mistake and flushed red. I beg your pardon.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: I really didn't see, she said, and then, as though
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: bowed down by the weight of her own distress, she
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: dropped her head again on her hands. I did not
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: know what to do. It seemed an intrusion to remain
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: and impossible to go. Forgive me, I said, at last,
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: you are in some trouble. I have intruded upon you unknowingly.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: I can't go away without saying I wish I could
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: do something for you. She looked up at me with
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: manifest surprise. Tears shone still upon her face and in
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: her eyes. I wondered that Gerald had left her, even
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: from Mary Heatherly. Why should you care, she asked, I'm
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: always sorry for another woman, I said. She looked at
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: me again with a miserable, uncertain air. Her haughty self
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: confidence had gone from her, and I felt emboldened to
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 1: speak again. You may not know that I am Lady
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: Harmon's secretary. I have been in the house all day
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: for a long while, and I can't help seeing a
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: great deal of what goes on in it. I know
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: your trouble, miss Sturgis. She got up at that and
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: looked for a moment as though she would have struck me.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: Then she suddenly lost her self control and burst into tears.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: Those tears were dreadful to me. I took her hand
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: and soothed her as though she had been a child,
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: and presently she sat down beside me. How do you know,
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: she said, You can't know. I've heard them talk of Mary,
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: heatherly said, I and I suppose they say I'm breaking
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: my heart, cried she, with a desperate attempt at scorn.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: They would not be far wrong, I answered. She gave
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: a long sigh. It hurts, she said, quite simply. Shame
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: and an aching remorse seized me. I had taken him
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: from her and had roused in him a love which
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: must be always barren. I had surely put a knife
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: into Bella's heart, and her simple words stabbed me back.
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: Did I not know it? Hurt? I carried the self
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: same wound. Do you care for him so much? I said?
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: At first she would not answer and frowned while the
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: tears came into her eyes. Then she said brokenly, Yes,
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: we used to quarrel, and now it's all over. Do
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: you think I went on that if Mary heavily were
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: to go away, you could win him back, she pondered.
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: I watched her beautiful face and thought that I had
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: hitherto misjudged her. Her pride, the insolence of her beauty,
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: her caprices had been but the superficial manifestation of a
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: passionate spirit led astray by a world which cared only
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: for the outer woman. Now that these things had been
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: flung back in her face, her heart spoke. She lost
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: the sense of her beauty and its right, and was
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: more lovely than she had ever been, and did not
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: know it. He used to love me, I'm sure, she said.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: I believe he would again. I would not be so unkind. Oh,
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: but what's the use of talking? I hardly heard the
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: sound of my own voice as I answered her. There
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: was a singing in my ears. I think he has
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: been led away by a pretty face. I dare say
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: he does not care for the real merry heavily. He
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: may return. Be kind to him when he does. Oh
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: I will, I will, said she. You have made me
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: feel happier. I was so unhappy. She bent forward impulsively
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: and kissed me. I kissed her back. I am so glad,
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: I said, and left the room hurriedly to hide my emotion.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: On my way home, I went to see doctor Trefusis.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: I found him alone, sitting over a pile of great
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: folio volumes. His study, where I had so often found
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: a refuge from the ills of life, looked warm and cheerful,
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: with its shelves of books from floor to ceiling, and
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: great open hearth. He appeared to rouse himself with some difficulty,
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 1: and I noticed he looked older and very wearied. I'm
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: not come to disturb you, said, I let me sit
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: by the fire whilst you read. I have something I
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: want to think out. It will do me good to talk, child,
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: he answered, I've been poring over these books for too long.
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: What is it you have to think over? Mary? Only
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: the old thing? He looked at me with a quickened attention.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: I've been thinking over it too, he said. Then he
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: sat down on the other side of the fireplace. The
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: room was aglow with the flames and the bright light
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: of two lamps. There seemed also to be a strange
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: light on doctor Trefusis's face. You know, Mary, He began solemnly,
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: that this case of yours has led me into strange
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: studies and strange spaculations. They are all wicked. I am
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: going to put away my books, for I begin to
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: fear lest they should take me into places where madness
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: lies outside the phenomenal, where we were never meant to penetrate.
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: You have shown me how human longing, if it be
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 1: powerful enough, is nearly omnipotent for evil as well as
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: for good. Here in these old books, in the Maggia
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: Naturalis of Johannes Faust, in this old Latin of Cornelius
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: Agrippa and many others, I learn how spirits can be
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: dragged out of the air, how alchemy can turn metal
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: to gold. These things have a terrible fascination, But it
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: is of the devil. I shall put them all away.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: Your longing turned Mary Gower, whom God made into marry
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: heavily in whom he has no part. He looked at
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: me with a shudder. The Church put the alchemists to
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: death for a less sin. He said, this power you
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: have brings you nothing but trouble. It may bring trouble
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: to those you do not wish to injure. Mary, I
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: implore you to stop before it is too late. All
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: this in the mouth of doctor Trefusis, the keen scientist,
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: the ardent advocate of materialism, surprised me much. The gravity
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: of his tone, so far removed from his ordinary carelessness,
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: carried authority. All he said was my own inward but
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: unformulated conviction put it into words. I asked him why
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 1: he thought it might bring trouble to others. I have
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: seen enough, he answered, to understand your relations with the Harmons.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: It won't do, Mary, that young Harmon ought not to
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: be sacrificed to your love of experimentalizing. At that, I
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: got up and walked about the room. You do me
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: an injustice, said I. I may have given way to
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 1: a curiosity which, taken alone, would not be legitimate. But
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: my heart was concerned in this matter, Ah said he
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: I feared, so I sat down on a stool at
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: his feet and gave him all my confidence. He did
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: not interrupt me, and when I had finished, we were
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: both silent for a long while. Do you not feel
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: yourself that such a state of things cannot go on?
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: He said? At last, I am determined to give it up.
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: I answered, Tomorrow night shall be Mary Havinly's last appearance.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: Why let her appear again at all, he asked, because
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 1: I'm a woman and I want to say good bye
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 1: to Gerald Harmon. The doctor laughed, I think to cover
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: some emotion. Well, well, well, he said, have it so
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 1: if you will, but be done with the thing. It's unholy.
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 1: It's a work of the devil. There are more things
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: in heaven and Earth than I ever dreamt of in
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: my philosophy, things I dare not tamper with. Now, Mary,
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: will you climb to the top of the ladder and
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: put away Faustus and a gripper and the rest. I've
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: had enough of them. We spent some time putting away
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: the books, strange volumes full of odd symbolical drawings and
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 1: with wonderful titles such as The Golden Tripod, The Glory
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: of the World, or The Gait of Paradise, The all
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: Wise Door, keeper. The doctor crossed himself as I put
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: the last one in its place, and I laughed in
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 1: spite of my trouble. I've one thing more to say,
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: he cried, turning suddenly on me. I'm getting old, Mary,
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: and I want a housekeeper and a daughter. You refused
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: me these once, you shall not refuse again. You and
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: Miss Whiteley must come and take charge of me. I
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: promise you all age rapidly, and then you'll feel you
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: are fulfilling a duty. The sensation dear to the soul
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: of woman I know. We sat there over the fire
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: for another hour before I left him. My promise had
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 1: been given. End of chapter seven, chapter eight of Beauty's Hour,
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: a fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare. This LibriVox recording is in
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: the public domain. Chapter eight. I woke the next morning
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: with something of that indifference to life which is the
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: secret of so many peaceful deaths. Mary Heatherlely was condemned.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: She had but a brief hour left, and I knew
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 1: not how she was to spend it. I only knew
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: that she had to bid good bye to Gerald Harmon.
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: The present hung before me like a veil. I could
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: see the dim future moving behind it. A spectral army
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: of figures, all in gray. But they marched this colorless
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: procession of the years with a monotony that grew into peace.
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 1: The thought of Mary Heatherlely hardly troubled me. I did
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: not care. I had passed through many deaths since that
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 1: night when she had been born in all her beauty.
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: For is not every step we take in life a
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: death in the imagination. I had held beauties scepter and
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: had seen men's slaves beneath it. I knew the isolation
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: the penalty of this greatness. Yet I owned that it
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 1: was an empire for which it might well be worth paying.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: I held no theories based on mere sentiment. I owned
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: that beauty might not possess all things. Yet the woman
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: who has not beauty neither has nor pays to this
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 1: philosophy or cynicism, I know not which to call it.
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 1: Had Mary Heatherley's experiences brought me, I spent a strange
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: day at Lady Harmon's. The familiar place seemed unreal. In
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 1: a week or two I should be gone, and all
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: my days there would fade into the past. For I
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 1: knew that I had no real hold on the lives
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 1: of any of them, having come only, as it were,
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 1: by accident into their midst when they had treated me
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 1: with as much kindness as was consistent with their education,
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: their traditions, and the world in which they lived. Betty
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 1: would marry one of her many lovers, and Chlora, some
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: one who fed her intellectual vanity. And Gerald. I held
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: my heart in check at the thought of Gerald. I
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 1: had met him first as Mary heavenly in a crowd.
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 1: It seemed like the logic of fate that I should
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 1: take leave of him in a crowd. For our relations
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: belonged to no world of peace and quietness, but to
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 1: an order of life where Beauty, with her attendant pomp
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: and circumstance, moved to the sound of music and under
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: the glare of a revealing light. That evening we did
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: not dance. There was singing and stringed instruments. We moved
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: about white, stately rooms, where the music followed us like
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: a memory. I spoke to many people and knew nothing
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 1: of what I said. At my heart was torture. In
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: my soul peace The rest of the world was blotted
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: out when I saw Gerald coming to me. At first
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: he spoke, but little he had the desperate air of
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: a man who is determined to know his fate, and
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: his silence was charged with suggestion. We stood for a
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: long while near the musicians, and the aching sweetness of
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 1: one of Schubert's melodies pierced me with the sword of
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: pain and pleasure, wherewith music wounds her lovers. The whole
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: measure of my grief seemed contained in that searching, divine air,
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: in the human, passionate note of the strings, in the purer,
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: more radiant tone of the flutes and ho boys. Then
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 1: Gerald looked into my eyes and said, let us come away.
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: And I went blindly with him through the rooms till
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: we reached a door that opened into a garden. The
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 1: night was hardly cold and very still. Only a faint
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 1: throbbing from the far away streets lay at the heart
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 1: of the silence, and troubled it. I could see the
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 1: outline of Gerald's face in the starlight. He said nothing,
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: but took me suddenly in his arms and kissed me,
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: And in that moment I tasted the essence of life.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 1: Then he let me go. Now send me from you
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: if you can, if you dare, said he tis, I
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: who am going? I said, I am in earnest, answered
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: he and I must have your answer. Oh, my answer,
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 1: I cried, is easily given. I do not love you.
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: I can add something to that which you will not acknowledge.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: You have never loved me. You loved my face, but
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 1: of my heart and soul you have known nothing. I
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: had not meant to say such words to him. I
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: had meant to let him go with something like a benediction.
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: But my bitterness rose up and made me speak. It
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: is true I love your face, he said, quite gently,
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: But more than that, why are you so unkind to me?
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 1: Then there came a wild moment in which I was
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 1: near telling him all and asking him if he could
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 1: not love the soul of me and take no thought
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: for my body. But I paused and remembered I had
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 1: resolved never to let him know. I am not as
• 1:29:42
  Speaker 1: unkind as I seem. I said, it is kinder to
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 1: tell you the truth. I am not made for love
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 1: or to be happy and have children. I must live apart.
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 1: Do not ask me why I cannot tell you. I
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 1: shall not forget you. I hope you will forget me
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 1: at least think of me without pain. And now good bye.
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: I moved away. Is this your last word? Are you
• 1:30:11
  Speaker 1: going to leave me? So he cried out. I stopped
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 1: then and looked back at him. The notes of a
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: violin came through the silence like a shaft and struck
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: at my heart. They mingled with a woman's voice in
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: a love song. I went to his side. I have
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 1: one last word to leave you. I said to him,
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 1: you will forget me when I am only a memory.
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 1: Go back to Bellah, for you loved her. He said nothing,
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 1: and I was glad of the darkness which covered my face.
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 1: I turned back into the house, leaving him standing there,
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 1: and went away, bidding no farewells. I sat through that
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 1: long night and waited for the dawn. And when the
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: dawn came, I kissed the wonderful reflected face of Mary
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 1: heavily and wished her a long good bye, Oh face
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 1: of my dreams, I said, it is well that you
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: should go back into nothingness. Your hour is over. Each
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: moment held a possible joy, a surer pain, a brief triumph,
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 1: a long regret. Let me decline into the lesser ways
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 1: of life, where beauty's flying feet have never passed, but
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: where peace may be seen stealing a shadowy figure with
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: eyes looking towards the sun. End of Chapter eight and
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: end of Beauty's Hour, a fantasy by Olivia Shakespeare. Thank
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 1: you for listening.