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What causes Narcissism? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about what creates a narcissist.
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  What causes narcissist? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware diagnosed
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  narcissist. Welcome to another episode of
• 0:14
  The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, folks.
• 0:33
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, yes, yes. What causes narcissists?
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  What creates a narcissist? So if you're dealing, if, you
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  know, narcissistic people, talk to people.
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  I know a lot of people hear that narcissists are created through
• 0:45
  trauma and all the other stuff like that.
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  Yeah, which is true. But then today we're going to be
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  talking about two different ways that narcissists could possibly
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  be created. Wait, maybe a third, maybe a
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  maybe a third. That's about 3, maybe three,
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  maybe three, maybe 3. Y'all see, I don't have a script
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  for this. It's just I get a topic and I
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  go. So yesterday I had the pleasure
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  of being on a radio show in Canada, on a a radio show in
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  Canada yesterday. And guess who else was on the
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  show? Doctor Romney.
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  I was like, ah, so I got to answer some questions with
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  Doctor Romney on a radio show in Canada.
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  It was pretty cool yesterday and I tell y'all, I was super
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  nervous. I don't know if it's it's going
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  to be replayed or anything like that, but honestly, I can say I
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  was super, super nervous. But I got a chance to hear her
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  answer some questions from her, you know, her background and
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  whatnot and psychology and her degrees and all the other stuff,
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  the wealth and knowledge that she provided.
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  But it was a, it was a good, it was a good show.
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  It's called Just Asking in Canada on CBC.
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  But somebody asked her like what creates a narcissist?
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  And she gave, you know, she said, you know, most people or
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  like she gave, you know, the, the, the an excellent answer.
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  I'm just going to go to jump from my perspective on the Ozes
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  as well. So the first way the narcissists
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  are created, it's probably going to be the way that most that
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  most people hear about, right? The first way the narcissists
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  are created is going to be through drama.
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  Yes. Trauma and neglect create
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  narcissistic people. I know a lot of people ask me,
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  Lee Lee, what made you a narcissist?
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  Like what? What what was through and what
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  was thrown into the the witch's brew?
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  The witch's brew, the the cauldron that created you, What
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  was thrown in there, like, hit us with it.
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  Yeah. It was trauma and neglect.
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  More neglect than trauma. You know what I mean?
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  It's more neglect and lack of validation and things of that
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  nature that caused me to possibly have this personality
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  disorder, right? Like I had it, my, my dad was
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  there. It wasn't like the, the
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  prototypical stereo stereotypical story.
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  The black man abandoned his, his, his offspring.
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  No, he was there. He's just just neglectful.
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  That's why I was, when I asked people the question, I was like,
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  what's worse for a person? You know what's worse being ask
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  people what's worse? Being neglected or having a
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  neglectful parent or an absent parent.
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  Both are both can be traumatizing, right?
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  But I feel like sometimes having this is my own because this is
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  my own personal experience. Having a neglectful parent can
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  suck worse because they're they are there, they are around, you
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  see them. It's just like they don't care,
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  you know? Like nothing you do for this
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  person makes them happy. Nothing you do for them gets any
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  type of validation. They just kind of look at you
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  and stare at you or just ignore you and whatever.
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  So you never get the validation that you're seeking, that you're
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  searching for from this person, that you from your caretaker,
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  from somebody who birthed you, somebody that you look like, you
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  know what I mean? So that could create a
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  narcissist. You know, he was active, but
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  yeah, he used to do some, you know, I feel like there was some
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  physical abuse back in the day, like, you know, just whoop
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  whoopings, so to speak, right? You get whoopings back in, back
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  in the day. And that's super frowned upon
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  now. But back in the day that's, you
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  know, that was, that was, that was the way things went.
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  So definitely whoopings. But it it's just weird being
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  whooped by somebody who wasn't there for you emotionally, who
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  wasn't, who didn't validate you at all, who did, who wasn't, you
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  know, who didn't help you out pretty much do anything for you
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  but pay child support. Like, like they had that type of
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  person put their hands on you to try to, you know, to try to
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  punish you or to try to put you in your place is kind of wild.
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  So that's traumatizing as well. You know, having a neglectful
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  parent that's also, you know, whooping you or being physically
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  abusive as people will look at it right now is traumatizing,
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  right? And that's that's what happened
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  to me. I just had a neglectful,
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  physically, sometimes physically abusive parent on the side.
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  You know, my mom, she works 2nd shift.
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  Love my Mama. I know people ask me, people
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  always ask me about my relationship with my mom.
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  People ask me about my relationship with my mom and I
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  tell them like, I love my Mama, my Mama is my Mama.
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  I love my Mama and that the way we change that.
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  Well, she worked 2nd shift. She did what she had to do to
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  take care of her kids and whatnot.
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  So but you know, we, she worked 2nd shift for the majority to
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  fight for the, she was like 19 years old, which is those
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  formative years and whatnot. But she wasn't neglectful.
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  She was there. She did everything she had to
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  do. It was just like, you know, you
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  want to get approval from your father and he just didn't give
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  it to me, you know what I mean? But my brother didn't get it
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  either. I have a twin brother.
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  He didn't get it either. He's not a narcissist.
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  So I think it's your perception and how your mind forms around
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  it, how your mind perceives the trauma that you experience and
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  your mind perceives the neglect that you experience, Right?
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  So that's what happened to me. My mind perceived it differently
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  than my twin brother who was in the exact same situation that I
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  was in. You know, he's not a narcissist.
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  He hasn't been clinically diagnosed with personality
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  disorder. You know, I have.
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  That's me. I have this.
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  And we grew up in the same household, same parents, twins,
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  fraternal twins, identical. He's not a narcissist.
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  So it's just that I think your perception to your events and
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  how your mind wraps around it. My mind went into shutdown mode.
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  His didn't, He's open, he's empathetic.
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  He he's a school teacher in Charlotte, NC.
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  He's a school teacher in the coach.
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  The kids love him. He loves that, you know, he's
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  fulfilled doing that. And I love that for him.
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  You know, I look up, look up to my twin brother.
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  I admire him and his happiness and whatnot.
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  I love that for him. We both have two kids.
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  It's kind of crazy. So it's just like, you know, we
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  both, you know, I have 3 kids, he has two.
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  But it's wild. But that's the space that so
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  many people fall into right there.
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  Y'all Like seriously? Like trauma neglect can create a
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  narcissist. Absolutely.
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  But also we can also create a narcissist is then this Doctor
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  Romney kind of dropped the bomb on me yesterday.
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  I knew about the trauma part, but she dropped this bomb
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  yesterday on an interview. She said not only can trauma do
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  it, but also people not no boundaries.
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  Like if you have a parent that is enabling your behavior, bad
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  behaviors as a child, that can create a narcissist as well.
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  That can create a narcissistic can turn you into a narcissist
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  as well. People never tell you no.
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  And you have you have a parent that's always saying you're
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  better than everybody, baby, you're the best thing ever.
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  Nobody's ever going to be better than you.
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  Like they enable your behaviors. They don't set any type of
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  boundaries on you. Your parents don't tell you no.
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  It's like this. You ever hear the the there was
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  a crime a a car, a guy got drunk years ago and caused a car crash
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  when he unalived like four or five people and he end up
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  getting away with it pretty much didn't go to jail because of the
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  judge called it affluenza just created some mess.
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  Affluenza say, oh, he'd never he never had boundaries on him and
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  his parents gave him everything. He'd never heard the word no, So
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  he didn't know drinking and driving.
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  What if he did end up UN alive and like four people and and got
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  away with it? And that's how narcissistic is
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  that He got away with being spoiled.
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  He got away with a crime for but he he was spoiled as a child and
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  never, nobody ever told him no. He never had boundaries on him
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  and he's, you know, he made a mistake and took took so many
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  people's lives. It was free.
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  That's set free. It's crazy.
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  It was a wild and I remember that, remember that.
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  And just like that's narcissistic because I think
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  very recently, very recently, he maybe a couple years ago, he got
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  arrested again for drinking. He's one of the, one of the
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  things he couldn't do was drink. He just get arrested again for
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  drinking. Just like that's narcissistic.
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  Like your parents don't set banners and you don't, they
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  don't tell you no, they don't guide you in the right
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  direction. They just let you get away with
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  everything because you're so special, because you're this,
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  you're that nobody. You know, you know, you can't do
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  anything wrong. You're right about everything,
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  baby. You're my special boy.
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  You're my special little girl. And then you become a narcissist
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  through that as well. You see, they opened my eyes
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  yesterday when doctor, I heard Doctor Romney say that and it
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  was, I was like, damn, I didn't know that was I kind of heard
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  that before, but I didn't know. Like she explained it in such a
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  way that made it made sense to me.
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  And I was like, Dang, that's so true within this space and
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  whatnot. Like you can't, I can understand
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  how nobody ever said any mountains on you.
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  Nobody ever telling you no can create a a level of narcissism
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  in you. They can't.
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  You can't subside like you can't get away from.
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  I get that. I was like, damn, that is so
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  true. And that just shook my mind a
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  little bit. Y'all, I was like damn, shout
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  out. Doctor Romney got out to the the
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  show on CBC just asking for having a song and whatnot.
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  We got to hear that. And I was like, oh, first time I
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  got to I was super nervous. I ain't gonna lie to you.
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  First time I got to work with Doctor Romney on anything.
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  But this is cool. Like I said, it was just cool.
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  I understand why it hasn't happened.
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  But anyway, that was cool. I was like, I was super nervous
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  in the background. Oh please.
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  Lovely. But it was pretty cool though,
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  Yeah. And the I know I told you, I
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  told you I was going to give you all three reasons three ways a
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  narcissist created, right. So this is going to be the bonus
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  reason, the bonus reason right here there could there be a
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  genetic component to passing down a personality disorder or
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  personality traits? Because my story, I know most of
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  y'all know my story. If y'all follow me for any
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  period of time that yeah, my my dad was probably narcissistic in
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  and of itself, but is he? I have trouble believing that
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  he's a full blown narcissist. I just think he had trauma as a
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  child. Let me tell you about his trauma
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  as a child. His father unaligned himself
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  when he was 27 years old. When no, when my grandpa was 27
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  years old, he had three kids, decided on on Monday morning,
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  5:30 AM, got up, didn't go to work, took his own, took hisself
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  out of here. And I'm pretty sure my dad was
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  in the house, found him and they traumatized him at 7 or 8 years
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  old. You see, seven or eight years
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  old, he got traumatized. There's no, this is in the early
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  70s, but there's no therapy for a little black boy and little
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  boys overall in the 70s go to school.
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  Oh, your father passed away on Monday back probably back in the
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  school on Wednesday or Thursday or maybe even Monday, who knows,
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  maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. So sometime that week back in
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  the school. And that's the type of stuff
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  that happened and you don't get help.
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  You grow up as a you have a traumatized child that grow up
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  as a traumatized adult and you don't getting any type of help.
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  You don't work past that. You don't work through that.
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  You don't talk it out. So you just grow up, have kids,
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  be neglectful towards them, traumatize them and you pass it
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  down. Not talking my therapist about
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  that, but my grandfather underlieved themselves and she
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  said my grandfather maybe had some schizophrenic traits.
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  Yeah, maybe it was, had some schizophrenic, maybe he was
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  undiagnosed schizophrenic and just, you know, 27 years old
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  just decided it was, you know, the voices and decided it, it
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  was time to go, you know, it was time.
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  So there could be a genetic component to it as well.
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  I I say I'm not a geneticist, I'm not a physicist.
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  I don't, you know, have any experience in that realm.
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  But just for me, what I've been through, what I've discovered
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  over the last, you know, damn, it's been almost almost eight
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  years now. Eight years next week of digging
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  deeper into this dynamic and the mindset.
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  It's opened my eyes up to a lot of different things, y'all.
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  But anyway, I'm gonna cut this thing short if y'all don't know
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  already. November 2nd and November 3rd
• 12:07
  will be, yeah, November 2nd. November 3rd will be in Dallas
• 12:10
  and Houston, TX for our next in person workshops.
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  Dallas and Houston, TX for our next hidden from Narcissistic
• 12:17
  Abuse workshops. See it right here.
• 12:20
  You see it right there? I'm gonna put it on the screen
• 12:22
  too. I gotta put it on the screen.
• 12:24
  You can find every more information at
• 12:26
  mentalillness.net/events. On the bottom of the screen
• 12:29
  right now, but NIA, Renee and myself will be in Houston, TX
• 12:33
  and Dallas, TX. Dallas, TX on the second,
• 12:35
  Houston on the 3rd. For our next in person workshop,
• 12:38
  we had like 35 people show up to the last one and that was Maxi.
• 12:40
  That was the maximum that can fit in that room.
• 12:42
  So we we doing a maximum of like 40 to 50 in this one.
• 12:46
  There's a bunch of people registered.
• 12:48
  You can check it out right here. Go to mentalillness.net/events.
• 12:50
  Registered for Dallas, registered for Houston right
• 12:53
  there. Check it out if you're watching
• 12:55
  this. After the second, we'll be
• 12:56
  somewhere. Check mentalillness.net/events
• 12:59
  for the next one. Y'all.
• 13:00
  I appreciate y'all tuning in in this episode and it's always
• 13:02
  y'all mental illness is that. Thank you so much for making it
• 13:05
  to the end of my video. I'm extremely grateful for you.
• 13:08
  Have no idea? If you haven't already, make
• 13:10
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 13:12
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 13:14
  another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 13:16
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 13:18
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 13:21
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 13:23
  I will see you in the next video.
• 13:24
  Peace.