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How do narcissist act when they drunk? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  You've seen this shift, haven't you?
• 0:04
  They take a few shots, a few shots here and there, and
• 0:07
  suddenly, out of nowhere, the person you knew is gone.
• 0:11
  That narcissist detox. A person has disappeared right
• 0:14
  before your eyes. Either they become the most
• 0:16
  charming person in the world to everyone except you most times,
• 0:20
  right? They can be charming to you as
• 0:21
  well, or they turn into a nightmare.
• 0:24
  They turn into a monster that looks like everything that you
• 0:27
  just been afraid of. They look like they want to
• 0:30
  destroy everything you love, everything you care for,
• 0:32
  including you, your kids, everybody around, right?
• 0:36
  As a diagnose narcissist, I'm going to talk to talk to you
• 0:39
  about the drunk narcissist, right?
• 0:40
  About how alcohol doesn't change who we are.
• 0:44
  It really doesn't. It just takes the leash off of
• 0:47
  the person that we've been hiding.
• 0:49
  Alcohol just removes the filter. Let's talk about the two faces.
• 0:52
  The two faces of a drunken narcissist.
• 0:54
  And I already know what you're going to say.
• 0:56
  I don't know what you're going to say.
• 0:57
  Well, leave. All narcissists are two faced
• 0:59
  without alcohol or not. And you'll be right, right?
• 1:02
  You'll be right. Look, I ain't gonna hate on you.
• 1:05
  You got a point there? You have a valid point right
• 1:08
  there. I ain't gonna hate on you.
• 1:11
  Well, yeah, welcome to the narcissist code, man.
• 1:13
  Just get look before we can even get started.
• 1:14
  I got to let y'all know. I appreciate y'all so much.
• 1:17
  I took a couple of shots and I'm charming right now.
• 1:19
  I'm so so I'm in a loving mood. I appreciate you so much.
• 1:22
  Love y'all. I'm grateful for you and I'm
• 1:24
  thankful for you. Not that serious.
• 1:25
  That's me being serious. I'm grateful for all of us,
• 1:27
  every single one of y'all. Seriously.
• 1:29
  So let's happen. Let's happen to it y'all.
• 1:31
  The first one, the first face of a narcissist.
• 1:34
  We went about the friendly face, the friendly drunk narcissist,
• 1:37
  the friendly drunk narcissist. Toxic person that is hunting for
• 1:41
  supply, right? It gets to the point, right
• 1:43
  where some of y'all might want your narcissist to take a couple
• 1:46
  of shots because they get nice when they get drunk.
• 1:47
  Dodged some of them, right? So this sometimes could be a
• 1:51
  tactic. It's like some of us literally
• 1:53
  do get happy and generous and loving and compassionate and
• 1:57
  kind and get turned on very easily when we get drunk, right?
• 2:02
  We buy rounds for the whole bar for everybody at the party.
• 2:06
  Everybody else shots on me, drinks on me.
• 2:09
  We might regret that later on. We'll be so broke because we
• 2:11
  don't like spending money, but everybody get a shot on me.
• 2:16
  Like you might love to be around your narcissistic partner when
• 2:21
  it happens, right? Because they start telling
• 2:23
  stories, like they start remembering the good times,
• 2:26
  loving upon you sometimes, right?
• 2:28
  They start loving upon you, nestling up on you.
• 2:29
  I love you, but look, rubbing noses with you.
• 2:33
  I love you. But why do they do this, right?
• 2:37
  But why did this happen? Because it's, it's a, it's a
• 2:40
  very, very easy way to get narcissistic supply, right?
• 2:44
  It very, it really is because if we take a couple of shots, we're
• 2:47
  not drunk, right? We take a couple of shots, the
• 2:50
  inhibitions have been lowered enough to the point where we
• 2:53
  feel like we can be a little bit more vulnerable.
• 2:55
  So the kindness does come out. Sometimes the compassion does
• 2:58
  come out. We have a, it seems like we have
• 3:00
  a higher capacity for empathy and we communicate better in
• 3:03
  these instances, right? So of course we're getting
• 3:05
  narcissistic supply. That's why you get some
• 3:07
  narcissist who drank that not to excess, but they just drank in
• 3:12
  order to get to this point right here, so they can feel feel
• 3:14
  good, so they can feel free, so they feel like they have the
• 3:16
  ability to do what they want to do.
• 3:18
  Like, and if we get to the point where everybody loves being
• 3:21
  around us, when we take a couple of shots, we're the life of the
• 3:24
  party, right? We're we're the life everybody
• 3:26
  loves. Like I love when Lee take a
• 3:27
  couple of shots. He own it.
• 3:29
  He own. We love you, Lee.
• 3:31
  You know, that's what happens right there.
• 3:33
  We love you, Lee. I'm the fun guy.
• 3:37
  You know me? Why?
• 3:38
  Used to. I haven't drank.
• 3:39
  I haven't drank anything in 20. Yeah.
• 3:41
  Damn, it's crazy. My wife has been sober for two
• 3:43
  years. I haven't drank anything since
• 3:45
  before Christmas. No, about two months for me.
• 3:48
  Right. Am I going to be sober for?
• 3:49
  No, I'm. I'm going to be drinking.
• 3:51
  I'm just drinking less, right? I don't necessarily need it.
• 3:53
  But once we become the fun guy, you got to notice.
• 3:56
  You started noticing stuff, right?
• 3:59
  You thought noticing things, though.
• 4:00
  You start thinking like but noted like.
• 4:03
  Notice how that fun usually stops the second you get into
• 4:08
  the car. Get when you get home, right?
• 4:10
  Unless y'all, unless it's just you and them we all around.
• 4:13
  If you're in a group, the the fun goes away.
• 4:17
  You know when when the alcohol starts wearing off, the fun
• 4:19
  starts wearing off, doesn't it? They're not the same person
• 4:22
  anymore. They start now when the alcohol
• 4:24
  starts wearing off, the fun start wearing off.
• 4:26
  The fun start wearing off the nice and starts wearing off and
• 4:28
  you, you look you on the other end of you like damn, they
• 4:31
  sobering up. Here come the meanness.
• 4:34
  Here come the meanness, Here comes the nastiness.
• 4:36
  You know what I mean? That's crazy, isn't it?
• 4:39
  Like the this version of the drunk narcissist typically uses
• 4:44
  alcohol, like I said earlier, to lower your guard as well, so
• 4:48
  they can love bomb you or reel in somebody else.
• 4:50
  We can have we can feel like we can become somebody else in that
• 4:54
  moment or unleash like the little piece of us that might be
• 4:56
  real sometimes unleash that to help get new supply or to help
• 5:00
  love bomb you to help us get closer to you.
• 5:04
  Like it's not. Look, I know when I tell, when I
• 5:06
  say that right there, people just take offense to it, right,
• 5:11
  Lee? So you're saying that they can
• 5:12
  only get, they only get drunk, they can only be around us and
• 5:15
  love us when they're drunk. No, that's not what I'm saying.
• 5:18
  I notice how it sounded, but that's not what I'm saying.
• 5:20
  I'm saying that a lot of narcissists do this so they can
• 5:23
  be in the mood to deal with you because a lot of narcissists
• 5:25
  don't like intimacy unless it's just physical, unless it's SEX,
• 5:28
  right? They don't like the hugging and
• 5:30
  the kissing and stuff like that. You do.
• 5:32
  So that's how they get closer to you, don't you?
• 5:34
  You Something some of them do like, that's how it goes right
• 5:36
  there. So if you don't, there's two
• 5:40
  sides of right. If you don't get the nice
• 5:42
  narcissist, you get the mean one, right?
• 5:49
  And sometimes the mean narcissist like you get, you get
• 5:51
  the narcissist that's a then they're functional as a
• 5:53
  alcoholic, that is never nice. They always mean, right.
• 5:56
  They always mean no matter how much they drink.
• 5:58
  But some of them will be nice until they get to a certain
• 6:01
  until they cross that threshold, right?
• 6:03
  The mean narcissist, regardless of how they get there, does
• 6:06
  exist the mean, nasty, evil narcissist.
• 6:09
  These are the most dangerous. I feel like this kind of goes
• 6:12
  without saying. These are the most dangerous
• 6:15
  narcissist to deal with, you know, other than ones that are
• 6:18
  high on some type of drug. These are the most dangerous
• 6:21
  ones. Like this narcissist truly has
• 6:25
  suppressed a lot of rage and it's going to come out air is
• 6:29
  going to come out when they drink, when they go past that
• 6:32
  threshold, like anything keeping them in check goes out of the
• 6:37
  way. It's kind of like having a
• 6:38
  security guard at the trying to kind of having a security guard
• 6:42
  at the gate. The security guard takes the day
• 6:44
  off, right? The security guard of the ego,
• 6:46
  the security guard of self preservation takes the night
• 6:49
  off. They go get in the car and drive
• 6:51
  off because now there's no hold to barred.
• 6:53
  You know, they finally feel like the same inhibitions or the same
• 6:57
  walls that come down to allow them to be vulnerable, allow
• 7:00
  them to be vulnerable in a different way 'cause this anger
• 7:03
  is another form of vulnerability to that narcissist, right?
• 7:06
  They finally feel allowed to say all the cruel, mean, evil stuff
• 7:11
  that they've been wanting to say to you, right?
• 7:14
  They all the evil stuff that they've been on their mind,
• 7:17
  things that you have shared with them in confidence, like your
• 7:20
  past trauma, things that bad things that have happened to you
• 7:23
  in the past. They are launching that shit
• 7:25
  that you write now. They are using it as a weapon.
• 7:27
  They're, they're using it as a battering ram or a club to damn
• 7:31
  near beat you over the head with it.
• 7:32
  Right now. They're just assaulting you with
• 7:35
  this type of craziness, this insanity that's coming out of
• 7:37
  their mouths and it's damn near nothing you can do with it.
• 7:39
  Then you can do about it, right? There's nothing you can do about
• 7:42
  it because they're just reminiscing down your throat.
• 7:43
  They're just being evil to you. And you know what happens when
• 7:46
  they sober up? They haven't excused them.
• 7:50
  They use alcohol as a damn shield, as a shield.
• 7:56
  They they really do. They can say things like, oh, I
• 7:58
  was just drunk. I didn't mean any of it.
• 8:01
  Like you're taking me way too seriously when you were drunk,
• 8:03
  like when I was drunk, like when you say mean things when you're
• 8:06
  drunk. I don't take it seriously.
• 8:07
  I don't even hold it against you.
• 8:09
  Lie. They do, right?
• 8:11
  It's it really is the ultimate way to abuse you and not having
• 8:15
  to own it, right? They try to, they try not to
• 8:18
  have to own it. I was drunk.
• 8:20
  I don't remember saying that, but they did say it right?
• 8:23
  They said some evil, cruel ass stuff to you.
• 8:25
  They threw your past trauma in your face like it didn't matter.
• 8:29
  Like it. They say to intentionally try to
• 8:31
  hurt you and bring pain to you. That's what they did.
• 8:34
  They intentionally tried to hurt you and bring pain to you.
• 8:37
  They intentionally try to bring you down, try to bring you down
• 8:41
  a notch. That's what they did.
• 8:44
  They did it on and they did it on purpose too.
• 8:46
  Yeah. What ends up happening is they
• 8:49
  wake up and they use this, the drunk excuse, and then they try
• 8:51
  to pretend like they didn't remember.
• 8:53
  They try to gaslight you and just say I don't remember seeing
• 8:55
  you do that, right? Go back and watch my very recent
• 8:58
  video about selective amnesia, right?
• 9:00
  Where they just like, I didn't say that I didn't do that right.
• 9:05
  Conveniently y'all narcissist only black out and forget the
• 9:09
  parts. What?
• 9:10
  They were mean they remember the niceness right?
• 9:12
  They were forgetting. Now could black Does blackout
• 9:15
  drunk exist? Yes it does happen right?
• 9:17
  But a lot of times narcissists are pretending because they
• 9:20
  don't want to be held accountable for what they said.
• 9:22
  They just want you to get over it.
• 9:23
  They don't want to talk about it or deal with it because they're
• 9:25
  ashamed of what they've said. So they only remember the fun
• 9:28
  parts. I remember saying this and
• 9:30
  dancing on you. I don't remember that crazy
• 9:32
  stuff. You probably misremember it, but
• 9:34
  somehow they forget this bad stuff that they said to you.
• 9:37
  Selective amnesia, really. This forces you into the
• 9:42
  caretaker role. Now you want to take care of
• 9:44
  them after they've been evil to you.
• 9:45
  After they've said, said something or done something.
• 9:47
  After they cheated on you or kissed your cousin, smacked your
• 9:51
  mom or dad on the butt, right? You get into this space, you
• 9:55
  fall into the caretaker role where you're trying to explain
• 9:58
  to us why we were wrong or we what we did wrong.
• 10:01
  And we already know we did. We just pretended like we don't
• 10:04
  know. We just shrug and say, oh, I
• 10:06
  don't know what you're talking about.
• 10:07
  Or I was drunk, man. That's what they do.
• 10:10
  They use drunkenness as an excuse for their behaviors.
• 10:12
  And it all if, if it is, if it's allowed to work, if it works
• 10:15
  once, they'll do again and again and again.
• 10:19
  So now the the thing I want y'all to take away from this
• 10:22
  right here is like if they are a monster when they drink, they
• 10:26
  are monster when they are sober too.
• 10:28
  They just, they just how it is hiding behind something.
• 10:30
  It's hiding behind that little wall I was on my earlier.
• 10:33
  It's hiding behind that wall. They're still a monster.
• 10:36
  They're just waiting to come out.
• 10:38
  The alcohol brings it out, gives them an excuse, right?
• 10:41
  It gives them an excuse to do this horrible, evil ass stuff.
• 10:45
  Well, Lee, if they're a monster when they're drunk, like, what
• 10:48
  if they're nice? Is that who they really are?
• 10:50
  Not in particular, right? Could niceness be a part of
• 10:54
  their personality that they're afraid to let out?
• 10:57
  Yeah, it could be, but the meanness and stuff like that
• 11:00
  doesn't make up for it. I'm like, yeah, I can be a nice
• 11:02
  friend. I'm going to do the nice
• 11:04
  friendly drunks, but when I get past that point of thing, I'm
• 11:07
  going crazy. That's why I don't drink to
• 11:08
  excess anymore because I have said and done some things that I
• 11:12
  absolutely regret and I just can't drink to excess anymore
• 11:15
  because they I don't want to have that happen again.
• 11:17
  I don't want to have that excuse.
• 11:18
  I want to be present and I don't want things to take over my life
• 11:21
  or just like in in situation like that.
• 11:22
  I don't want things that ruin my life or rule my life or anything
• 11:25
  like that. Man, that's truly what I don't
• 11:27
  want. So you have to protect yourself.
• 11:29
  Protect your peace y'all. If you've dealt with a drunk
• 11:31
  narcissist, type drunk narcissist or drunk truth in the
• 11:34
  truck in the comment section, right?
• 11:35
  Doesn't type drunk. They don't type drunk.
• 11:37
  Just drop a beer or something. Drop a beer emoji in the comment
• 11:39
  section. Let me know that you've dealt
• 11:40
  with it and what not, y'all. I might do a video about drug
• 11:42
  addiction and narcissistic abuse pay pretty soon.
• 11:45
  I'm just got to think of the script and we're on some intros
• 11:47
  and stuff for it. Anyway, y'all, mentalillness.net
• 11:50
  for all things Lee Hammock, my courses, my coaching, my kids
• 11:53
  book, everything is at mentalillness.net.
• 11:55
  Make sure you hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 11:57
  And it's always y'all, It's always mental illness is out.
• 12:00
  Peace.