Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / Become Magnetic... Cultivating Self-Worth & Boundaries To Heal And Stand In Your Power

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Become Magnetic... Cultivating Self-Worth & Boundaries To Heal And Stand In Your Power · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Live Well Podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Liv, a naturopathic doctor, a mentor, energy healer, a cost reader, intuitive, energetic business mentor, and honestly, so much more.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: I help you heal on a physical and emotional level so that you can feel delicious in your health, body, relationships, career, and a bank account.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: This show is for those of you who are looking to go beyond the basic wellness stuff, cut out the BS, and really create a life that you love.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about health, trauma healing, energetics, feminine energy, wealth, and magnetism so that you can live a life that feels delicious.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: In these episodes, we will have an honest conversation without the fluffy bullshit.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: You walk away with all of the insights, tools, and tips to truly live your best life, mind, body, and soul.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: For ways to work with me, visit keepupwithlive.com and follow me on Instagram at keep up with live for more.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: And with that, let's get into the show.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, everyone.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the Live Well podcast.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I am back with Morgan today, and we're gonna dive into another juicy episode for you.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: So welcome, Morgan.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Hi guys.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: How are you doing?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: How's your day?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's been really good.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wonderful.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we are truly in fall now.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: This is where we are.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like the hot weather is not coming back, which like I'm okay with.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: But we are definitely we are in fall, you know, the cooler weather, which I'm all for.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: I got those Uggs that everyone wears.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know those slipper ones that are viral?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, last year I was like, I would never buy those this year.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I bought them and I walk around in slippers now, and it's the best thing in the world.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, they look so comfy.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's all I want to buy.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I think they're so worth it.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Just because, you know, for walking the dog, running the grocery store, like I just slip them on and it's like a slipper and it's a comfy vibe, and I'm here for it.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how they're gonna hold like up and I wouldn't wear them in snow.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: I sprayed them.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like they're the perfect like shoe for right now where there's not like wet on the ground.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: The transformation is warming and cozy.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And like I definitely just yeah, the Uggs won me over.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: They they won me over.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: I've had Uggs since like 2008, like since Uggs came to Canada.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: I have had a pair.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: I've bought a pair of Uggs every single year.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm a diehard Uggs fan.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: I've got the shorties, I want to get the platforms.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: I love Uggs.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so we are diving into everything self-worth, boundaries, feminine energy.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Morgan has some fantastic questions, and she's just gonna fire them at me, and I'm just going to riff and say all the things I'm yeah.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, Morgan, dive in.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Let's do this.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, how can you stop wanting validation from other people in work and your personal life?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: You answered this question in your meant for more channel on Instagram, and it was so good that I was like, hey, everybody else who's not in that channel needs to hear this.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, join the channel.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's our little like broadcast community because I'm very much a voice if you listen to my podcast.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: As opposed to like writing, I'm very much a voice.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: So this allows me to send like also voice notes and riffs, and like you're basically missing out if you're not a part of it because you get like more in-depth in like little things for your day-to-day as opposed to having a whole podcast episode.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: So definitely join.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Come on over to Instagram.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing, and I'm gonna dive into this in a little bit because it's such a big big question.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: But our need for external validation really comes from we only got external validation when we were younger, we were only loved conditionally.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so the issue is that when we are loved conditionally when we're younger, we then start believing, you know, our brain, our nervous system creates this filter, if you will, creates this belief, this condition that I will only be loved if, right?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that's like if we colored inside the lines, if we got good grades, if we made the soccer team.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: So then it's actually uncomfortable for us when we're not getting that external validation because then we think that we're less than, then we think we're not enough because we were only validated when we were younger for those things.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so, of course, then we seek more of it because it's like, oh, in order to feel validated, I need it externally.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so your brain is actually kind of doing what it's supposed to do, it's doing what you've taught it to do.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: We just kind of need to rewire your need to look for it externally and really start to build that internally.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: But the number one thing is acknowledging of like, oh, this is probably why I look for it externally.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And even just the awareness of when your, you know, your brain, your nervous system pulls external, it's like, oh, all right.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: And obviously we then need to give it to ourselves, which I know sounds like a simple answer, but this simple answer is often something people don't do, right?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's also something that we don't necessarily even validate ourselves for existing.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: So where yes, our parents, our guardians never validated us simply for existing, we also don't validate ourselves for existing.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we don't even fully acknowledge and validate us for the accomplishments that we do do.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then we're already on to the next.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you're not even recognizing the amazing things, let alone recognizing yourself simply for existing.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then we wonder why nothing feels enough.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: We wonder why we keep searching externally.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you got a promotion and you're making this, you're like, oh, but it's not this, oh, but it's not this.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And like, you can't recognize that, let alone just the fact that you are you, not for your job or what you look like or what size you are or what you have or your marriage or your kids, I don't know, whatever thing.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then, like, no wonder you're stuck in that loop.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: So you really need to start breaking that loop by giving yourself that validation simply for existing.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm also gonna add in is healing that young part of you, that little girl who didn't get that, because she's the part of you that's still chasing.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: She's the part of you that feels like nothing is ever enough.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: This is also the part of us that then gets stuck in our masculine, right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: That very hyper direction focus or hyperbody focus.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: And hyper direction focus just means the next thing, the next thing, the next thing, that that never enough feeling, but then also sometimes feeling like we're too much, which is a very interesting paradox, right?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so that external validation starts to really weigh on us, but the thing is that it's always then going to be external when you continue to look for it external.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: You actually have to habitually, and this takes consistency, it takes time.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just, oh, I give myself the internal validation once and like magic, like varying rainbows, and I wave my magic wand and it's done.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, how long have you been looking for it external?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: You've built that for so long, you've wired that for so long, you now need to wire it, you know.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't even say for as long, but you're gonna have to do it a few times.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: But this is also where the powerful healing of like when we actually go and rewire and heal that little girl, and you know, if you're in goddess activation, this is what we're gonna be doing, that's what we do inside.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: It makes that process a lot easier because she's the one that then gets the healing and she stops looking for it outside.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: But and this also goes for parents, you know.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: I know we always sprinkle in a little bit of parenting advice.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: We too, yeah, in these episodes.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know why this always happens, but we do.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: But like start validating your kids also simply for existing.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, please, if there's one thing you can do, start validating them for existing, not just for their quote unquote accomplishments when they make the soccer team or they get a good grade, or if they did this right, like validate them just for being them so that they don't then become, you know, grown-ups who look for validation outside themselves.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really healing that part that's looking for external and genuinely starting to give it to ourselves.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing is, is when people genuinely start to give it to themselves, sometimes they have so much lack of self-worth and guilt and shame underneath the surface that it's kind of like putting bad frosting or putting good frosting on a bad tasting cake.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're trying to like validate ourselves of like, you're enough, you're doing great, sweetie, but you don't genuinely feel it because the cake is full of like lack of self-worth, which is why people don't really don't understand that like you really need to heal those aspects so that everything else you do actually works better.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: You know, people end up like taking a bubble bath to show themselves that they love themselves, but then like they're self-abandoning, they can't hold boundaries, we can like there's a lack of congruency.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, it's I know people think it's harder to do the opposite.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: I actually think it's more exhausting to not do the work, you know, to do it like for that five minutes than to live in that state where you're looking for external validation all the time.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: So if you find that, like, all right, I'm trying to give myself that internal validation, but it doesn't feel genuine.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like I actually cannot feel it.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: It is truly a sign that there are repressed emotions, conditioning, things that have happened to you that really wired into your body of you are not enough, there is lack, shame, etc., you cannot be seen.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: All of that needs to be kind of left off so that you can genuinely start to practice self-love and like deep self-acceptance and deep self-worth.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: And answer the question.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, that is so good.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: So then how can you hold the knowing that you are worthy in that phase of like stopping and like recognizing like that you're looking for validation externally, but also when it feels like things aren't working, kind of like that beginning when you've started to shift.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is gonna be funny.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I think when it comes to like it's not working, people really when they don't get the instant gratification, it's like they just give up.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And this can be like whether it, you know, you apply this to healing your self-love or your business or your money, like this can apply to everything.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like if you don't get that instant gratification, then it's like you stop doing it.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but it's like, oh yeah, sure, like the bubble bath may make you feel good for 10 minutes, but then do you like self-reject or self-abandon when you try to hold up a boundary?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's really about being honest with yourself of like, is it not working, or are you just looking for instant gratification and you actually need to put like the work in?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: And like I've sometimes said that it's hard, like self-worth or like self-love is something is the hardest we can do.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: I would say it's a moment of hard, you know, sometimes, but you can also make it a choice, like make self-love a choice to let it be easy, but actually start doing the things that cultivate deep self-love.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: When people get into the it's not working, it's because they're normally again doing that frosting or throwing spaghetti at the wall hoping that it's going to stick by trying to buy themselves flowers and take yourself to dinner and like that's all great, and like dressing up and like I'm wearing a red lip, I got dressed up today.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's all fabulous and it's good, but like this does not bypass the genuine feeling underneath.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I exude this energy, not if I'm wearing like a red lip and dressed up, I'm also in sweatpants with no makeup, and it's the same and my worth doesn't waver.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: But when it's built on these external things that aren't actually true, then not only do we need more of them, but then we get sometimes and it's not working because it's actually not necessarily the deep stuff.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the genuine, it's that surface level.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Can we slap some stuff on the outside to make us try to feel better temporarily instead of actually looking at all right, why don't we love ourselves?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: And that can actually be a very uncomfortable question because we often even try to like blame other people for not loving us or for rejecting us or for abandoning us.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna go because this is an important tangent, but like, how often do we do this to ourselves?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually have a post if you haven't seen it, go back on my Instagram today, where we're gonna be talking about energetic weight and even just the fact that people like, yes, it's a lack of safety that contributes to energetic weight, but it's the lack of safety within ourselves from how we abandon ourselves, how we reject ourselves.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so often we're focused on the external.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Joey doesn't accept us, our parents don't accept us, society doesn't like.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do you accept you?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, can you honestly with conviction tell me that you accept yourself unconditionally?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter if you mess up at work, if you gain 20 pounds, lose 20 pounds, have a breakout, have gray hair.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't care.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Unconditionally, I'm like, no.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, you're we're rejecting ourselves.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: We abandon ourselves, and then we think like it's not working, but it's not that it's not working, it's that we actually have to examine and be honest with like, shit, you know what?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I've been really shitty to myself.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and it's not just picking myself apart in the mirror.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think people often get caught up with self-worth or self-love, is like whether you think you're fat in the mirror today.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that's very like, I don't know, 10 years ago.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like this, it's so beyond.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the time, the lack of self-worth and the lack of self-love isn't just like, oh, I don't like my legs, or they like I I am a bit, you know, fat or I feel like this way.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's normally like, do you abandon yourself when you try to set a boundary?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, do you reject yourself just in who you are?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: And not even necessarily what you look like, but like every time you dim yourself, every time you have a fear of being seen and you don't shine your light and you don't, I don't know, say the joke or show the goofiness of you, who you are, or whatever it is, that's all self-rejection.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: So your body obviously starts wearing that.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: It has to protect itself from you.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Can you imagine our bodies protecting ourselves from us?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I just feel like this is all so important.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know we're bringing this all together, but like this is how people really get it to start working is you actually start to look at, hmm, where am I rejecting myself?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like on a on a deeper level, not from like a superficial of like you're not enough.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: But when you exact, like really start to examine your mind chatter, how much of that is self-rejection?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: How much of that is self-abandoning?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you want to say no, but you don't.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: You get into people pleasing, or like all these little things that we've talked about, they they start to stack and they start to compound.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then that compounding energy of like lack, shame, guilt, low self-worth gets into our bodies.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, yes, it can manifest this way, but it also a lack of self-love can manifest as asthma, as knee pain.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: This is a big one, skin issues like eczema and psoriasis, PMS issues, fertility issues, PCOS, and it's just like, oh, there's just so much here to unpack.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so even if you're feeling overwhelmed as I say this, like there's a reason why, you know, you can get support with this.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not gonna lie, it is to try to unpack this all by yourself, it's a lot.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, come join us in Goddess Activation so we can start to pick this apart and do it because it is not as simple as you know taking a boba bath, but it's so worth it.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's never that it's not working, it's normally you actually just need to look deeper and you actually need to start being honest with yourself.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: You actually need to get maybe out of your victim, out of your ego.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if as I was saying these things, this triggered you, and you're like, you know, well, you know what?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, she doesn't know what she's talking about, but this happened with this.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Notice that.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: All right, notice where you've been like, I guarantee you've somehow rejected yourself.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not bad or wrong.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: We've all done it at one point, and it's something to strengthen, it's something to get to really get better at, you know, because we at the fundamental, we want to feel safe with ourselves.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, yes, other people, you know, can reject us or they might quote unquote abandon us or leave us, but as long as you don't reject and abandon yourself, like that's actually how you have solid self-worth, right?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where, you know, I've said before, you can be the juiciest peach, but there will be someone who doesn't like peaches, but you're just actually too busy being juicy that you don't give a shit anyway.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: But that comes from you not rejecting yourself and you not abandoning yourself.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: And don't underestimate the power of all of this because it's massive.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, like when you were talking about even when you started talking about like the asthma and things like that, like I just remember like when my self-worth dipped in myself, right?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: As like a parent and everything, like, and just like other things.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: Then seeing that in in my children, like doctors being like, they have this and they have this.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember sitting there being like, okay, and somebody else pointed out to me, like, we need to heal your self-worth, and that's gonna change everything.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like even the ripple effect it's had on on my family once I healed my self-worth.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: It was like all of a sudden they didn't have this and this and this and asthma and ear and all of this stuff.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: And it really started with me when I started to accept myself and love myself, and then I could give that love to them.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we talked about in the maybe, maybe it was just in safety.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if it was on the previous podcast, but mirror neurons.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's actually neurons in your nervous system called mirror neurons, and they're exactly what it sounds like.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: They mirror other people.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, like your kids mirror you.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, yes, even if you if you feel like shit about yourself, and you like they actually see you self-abandoning, self-rejecting, they're learning from you, and then their nervous system picks that up, and then all it's just like I'm so glad you said that because it's important to be aware of, obviously, for our our children too, but also just like how you are mirroring the world really starts to reflect.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: I also want to bring in like a little, and this is not from a perfectionism, but like a kind of like a little story for myself a couple weeks ago.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, one of the things that you know I mentioned was like knee pain and like know that like our body can give us feedback signals, you know, anytime that your like worthiness dips, or you're you know, this dip.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't that I was feeling worthy, but we all have moments where we're challenged of like, all right, can we feel enough at this level and enough at this level?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember I had knee pain for like maybe an hour at the like an hour of knee pain.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I know I'm self-devaluing myself, like I know I'm not acknowledging my worth.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Shit, I gotta fix this.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: I went in, yeah, it was gone.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: That was it.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like it was my knees were killing, and all of a sudden, gone.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, I noticed where I was don't dip into that.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: So it's also something to even notice that, like, yes, it doesn't happen as often, but maybe, you know, as you become a parent, that brings a whole new challenge of like self-worth of like, am I doing enough?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Am I like, and so all these different areas of life, it could be your business, becoming a mom, you're gonna be challenged in new situations that then maybe question that.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: And even just having the tools and knowing how to do that will then not only obviously solve the self-worth, but then solve any physical issues that pop up, or like, shit, that's a feedback signal.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Let me dip into that, let me heal that, and then we're good, right?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it's so powerful.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, fucking shit.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, all right, let me go into this, let me be honest with myself, go in, fix it, and then the knee pain has been gone ever since.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it's funny because before I did all this work, you know, you know, two, three, maybe, oh, now we're 2023, maybe like three years ago, but five years ago, I suffered from chronic knee pain.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought it was from cheerleading.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it was because like I used to run all the time, um, and like the running made my knees hurt, and then I was like a cheerleading.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just like that's why I had knee pain.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I had this story of that's why I had knee pain.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: When I learned that knee pain was like linked to like chronic, you know, self-devaluation, which means like devaluing yourself.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I thought it was the running, but it was really because I felt so shitty about myself and my body that I was running to try to be like thin enough, skinny enough.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, it wasn't the running, it was the fact that I was devaluing myself and I like had so shitty self-worth that that was why.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: And like I knew that from like uh a skin perspective, but even from like a knee pain of like, shit, like that's why.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens is the the knee pain continues because you continue to like not have the self-worth, so you just re-manifest the physical symptoms over and over and over again until you heal it.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: But it was just so funny looking back.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: So now when I pop up, I'm like shit.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: But like looking back, you think of like, oh, was it the running?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, no, it definitely wasn't like the running, because like now I'm good.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's really like the physical thing.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: So that's just like a small example of like little ones.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: Other ones that I think people sometimes miss is you know, a stuffy nose or getting stuffed up.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's like a self-worth thing.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: So anytime you're like your nose is running, so no, like, oh, runny nose, getting stuffed up, getting a cold, where are we self-evaluating?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it was in that week where I was sick with a cold, I had the knee pain, all this stuff was going on, like, and I was like, like there was it all accumulated.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh god.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: But it's funny, and I I shared these things just to let you know that like little things can come up and then you'll you'll heal them and they won't come up as often.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: But like it's not a perfectionism thing, it's also about like when you're being challenged at new levels, just like becoming a mom or maybe stepping into a different level in your business, you're gonna be like, oh, okay.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: And by having the tools and knowing how to interpret it, it'll also make sure that you don't stay there very long, which I think is really key.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: Whenever I get like a stuffy nose or I feel a pain or whatever, I literally say to myself, okay, like live would be like, this is what you need to do right now.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what would live do?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it works so fast too.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what's like it's so funny.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like, oh, the knee pain went away.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, of course it did.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like it doesn't surprise me anymore.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: And like I think this also gives people a lot of freedom from a lot of like quote unquote chronic symptoms, whether that's like chronic PMS or like PCOS, or like even what people feel like are life sentences, like endometriosis, and I'm just like, yeah, no, we could solve that, and that becomes a non-thing.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: We could we can solve the PMS, but it's just like being willing to look at yourself and actually just being a curious human with like no shame, no judgment of like, hmm, let's just self reflect, let's just be self aware, and then those things clear up and yeah.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, so good.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: I am just popping on to let you guys know that goddess activation is now open.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: This is my signature program to really rewire your nervous system from the emotions, trauma, conditions.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: That is preventing you not only from loving yourself unconditionally, but really sinking into your feminine and having solid self-worth.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: This goes way beyond just clearing symptoms like PCOS, PMS, fertility, endo, and more that are linked to feminine energy in the body, but really actually living a life filled with pleasure.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: We'll be going over the exact processes and methods to really embody deep self-love so that you don't need external validation to feel good.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, this is not go ahead and take a bubble bath.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: This is about sinking into your feminine with ease because it no longer dysregulates your nervous system to slow down.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, we're gonna be going into what is preventing your nervous system from sinking into your feminine and releasing that, along with releasing things like lack of self-worth and shame that keeps your nervous system comfortable in its wounded masculine.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: We're also gonna be building a structure in your nervous system so that it feels safe to be in your feminine, along with dissolving the patterns and loops that are creating the feeling of nothing ever being enough and really running on that hamster wheel.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want to know how to be in receiving mode and really heal the parts of you that are preventing you from living a life that really turns you on, this is what goddess activation is all about.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: We were gonna leave the link for that down below.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: If you are listening to this after this live round, definitely go ahead and join because as soon as you join, you get instant access to the portal and you can start healing and watching the content right away and then dive into the next round of live calls whenever they happen.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that being said, if you have any questions, you can always email me or send me a message on Instagram.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: But this is truly going to be the best round yet.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: So when you feel like you're in dysregulation or you've you're kind of going into a situation where if you don't have a strong nervous system, it could dysregulate it.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: How can you build back up your self-worth?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, okay.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: So your self-worth gets my biggest thing is why do you feel that?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: So that thing that triggered, that got you dysregulated, that challenged your self-worth.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: Why what about that is challenging your self-worth?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: And perhaps why is the power of your self-worth placed in someone else or something else?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because so often this kind of even loops back to the external validation that we were talking about.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: We place our worth in something outside of ourselves versus it being something intrinsically inside of ourselves, right?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we have intrinsic self-worth, then something that might dysregulate or challenge it.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you made a mistake or you did this.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: You then don't be like, oh my God, I'm a horrible person, or I, you know, I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm not enough.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: You don't get into that spiral because the whole basis of your worthiness is not maybe based on your accomplishments or whether you can do this or whether you can do that or having this.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so my biggest thing is you're gonna have to realize, all right, I was maybe placing my self-worth externally, but also where externally?
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: Is it on how much money I make?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Is it on my parenting?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: Is it on my this?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, where is your worthiness contingent on that?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: And starting to then dismantle that and start to bring it internally.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then from there, you'll actually be able to not get into a spiral, not get dysregulated when you quote unquote mess up, or maybe don't do things perfectly, or like you make a mistake, or someone even maybe tells you you're not enough.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: You know, whether someone breaks up with you and tells you you're not enough, or a friendship ends, or you a client doesn't want to sign, or they don't join the program, whatever it is, you don't then make it a story about you.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: But so often we have these like we make things about us.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Our ego just loves to make things personal, but there is always an aspect of your ego is making it personal based on childhood wounding that learned that it was personal.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: So when we dissolve that, that really fixes it.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: And really about looking up like, oh, I'm actually making this personal.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm making this mean something about me.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: This actually doesn't mean anything about me, and really separating like you maybe making a mistake or doing this, it's not necessarily meaning something personal about you, right?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because you could be the juiciest peach, someone won't like peaches, but when you take that power back of it being not external to you, you'll then realize that it's not necessarily personal to you.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I also guarantee that there have been times where like you have thought whether something wasn't enough for you, or you know, someone was enough, or like there was a mistake that happened, you were on the other side, and you didn't necessarily judge that person or think that person was like not worthy or not enough or or horrible or whatever it is.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: So it's also about like a perspective shift in that sense of like, oh, where did I kind of get into that wounded child ego energy taking things personally when it's like I guarantee you is definitely not, you know, personal to you, but we just try to make things personal.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so by changing that, that's gonna be a very powerful shift.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, I love that.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so shifting into boundaries, because obviously we've talked a lot about like self-worth and your boundaries and all of that.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: So, what is your advice to someone who is setting boundaries but finding the sticking to it part hard?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: For example, when they, you know, they have to go see someone that they really don't want to, or when someone tests them and you know, they can't physically leave that person.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what is your advice for that?
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Being able to not only set but hold boundaries comes from two things.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: So, number one is self-worth, and the other thing is personal power, right?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: The power to actually hold it.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: But you don't you can't have the power to hold it if you don't have the self-worth.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why like both self-worth and power are both key in terms of like holding and setting boundaries.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: If you cannot set them, you're in that instant, know that you don't have self-worth in that area.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a very good cue for you of like, oh, maybe I can hold boundaries at home with my partner, but maybe I can't with my mom.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Or I can do it with my partner, but not at work, or I can do it at work, but you know, not with my friend Sally or whatever it is.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: So that's really gonna give you a key of where you need to like strengthen your self-worth and where for you, perhaps that that's been wavered.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then really start to look at what are the beliefs and the conditioning that I have around this that is making me scared of really holding it.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because normally we don't set either set boundaries or hold boundaries out of fear of you know being rejected, abandoned, left out, guilt, shame, you know, et cetera, those types of emotions or kind of frequencies.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really about getting clear like which of those things, maybe it's a couple of them, am I really afraid of?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Then like what would happen if that were true, right?
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because there might actually be instances where that's true.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's where people then in their mind, they can't rationalize it, they can't hold it because if you try to tell yourself, well, I might hold a boundary and my mom won't get upset, or you know, Sally won't get upset, but they might actually get upset.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so trying to tell yourself, like, I can hold it and it'll be fine, they won't get upset, it's just like that that's really not gonna add up in your brain, and then you're not gonna be able to hold it, versus holding it from a space of they are allowed to get upset in their experience, but not making it personal to you and knowing that that part of you that's scared of being abandoned or rejected, etc., can only happen if you do that to yourself.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that, and that's like the often things you have to actually become someone who has enough self-worth inside that then if mom gets upset or Sally gets you when you hold the boundary, if they leave, great, but you don't want that person in your life anyway.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: And the part of you that would rather have that, that's the part that really needs deep self-love.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then that's a cue for you of like, ooh, I really need to work on my self-love, perhaps in this area.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, is it in my accomplishments at work?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm scared if I set a boundary with my boss and I say I'm not gonna, you know, work as much, or I'm not gonna answer emails after, you know, 6 p.m.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: that then they're gonna fire me, or then they're gonna blah, blah, blah, or I won't get the promotion.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like, well, you're abandoning yourself, and then that's not gonna be like the kind of energy you would want to have it with, anyways.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really about becoming okay with that no matter what, but that requires self-worth and also the personal power.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I would say look at where you've also been rejecting yourself because then you don't that fear of rejection, that fear of abandonment will become less big, less heavy, the more you start to not do it to yourself, the more you start to actually not reject yourself.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: But it actually requires you to not reject yourself first in order for that not to feel out of fear.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: But too many people wait for that fear to kind of dissolve a bit before they stop rejecting themselves.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: When they like the chicken, the egg needs to be flipped.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: You actually need to start reject stop rejecting yourself first in order for that to happen.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where like people kind of get into that waiting frequency, and then that's where that cycle kind of really goes, you know, in in loops, and you get stuck in that pattern, you get stuck in that loop, is that people are waiting for the chicken and the egg and not realizing you actually need to stop self-abandoning and self-rejecting first.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: And nine times out of ten, people do it, you'll actually realize it's not that bad.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: Is it's really like ripping the band-aid off and that the current of the moment, and obviously, like this is the kind of deep work we do inside my programs, inside goddess, and obviously the personal power we're doing inside power.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so, definitely, like, you're gonna want to join those programs if you need help with this, but you really need to stop rejecting and abandoning yourself so that that fear dissolves about getting rejected and abandoned by others.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I guarantee you, if you're scared about being rejected by someone else, it's because on some level you really like reject yourself like every single time that I and I I've seen this, and that can be something that's like not as you know easy for people to hear, but but it's kind of true, yeah.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because you've given them the power versus like taking it back and then becoming okay with people, you know, not necessarily loving your boundaries, and and that's that's definitely going to be okay, and you're gonna have to kind of get used to that.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I've always said the people who don't respect your boundaries or don't like them are gonna be the people who benefited from you not having them in the first place.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I love that.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, mark that that like star underline, that was such a potent message.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: So then, kind of going off our questions here.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what would be your advice then to somebody like when they're when they need to hold those boundaries?
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: And you've said this before in podcast episodes, like, you know, like limiting your time around those people, etc.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what's your advice to somebody like who's ready?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, I'm gonna hold them, let's rip the band-aid off.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, let's do this.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Rip the band-aid off in a short way and then walk away.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: So let's say, you know, maybe you're on the phone or it's a text message, like make the boundary like very simple, short and to the point, not like an over-explaining of like, well, no, I can't because um my kid was sick, and then you know, my boss is like, no, I can't make it.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Send the text message, put the phone down, walk away, do something else.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, actually take your mind versus like, oh, did they respond yet?
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: Have they read the message yet?
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I don't like, and you're kind of like getting your nervous system already dysregulated in the anticipation energy versus just like setting it short, sweet, no, I'm not able to make it.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever the boundary is on the phone or the text, set it, walk away.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: And just practice doing that and walk away and getting yourself into a different energy so that you're then not like in that waiting, anticipating, have they read it?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: What is their response?
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: And knowing that, like whatever their response is, you're gonna be like, Yep, and that's it, and you're gonna hold it.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing I would say that's very helpful is really think about it as your boundaries protecting you.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, and if you're a parent, you can probably maybe do this a bit early easier, but like if you're gonna protect your your child and set a boundary or like protect them, you're kind of like that fortress between you and them.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: So that separation where you're you're setting the boundary and you're even like thinking about it in your head or like a visualization of you are the mama bear protecting that part of you, that can be a good separation of like I'm protecting myself in that kind of energy.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: You're being then the the mama bear, the protector for the little version of you who didn't have that protection when they were younger, and then then feels the need to people please, or feels the need to not, you know, set our whole boundaries.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: When you become your own protector and you really you've got you versus putting the power in someone else to have you, when they're actually entitled to their own response and experience.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: It might be a wounded response, but they're actually entitled to the your response.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so then you putting the power into them of, oh, they need to fully understand and like, you know, do all that, they may not have the reaction that you want.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: So by putting the power in them, that that's gonna set you up for failure versus allowing you to then kind of be your own mama bear.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I love that.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's such a good like way to explain it, I love that.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: So then with the holidays approaching, what is your advice if somebody has to go?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of like let's say they ripped the band-aid off, right?
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: And they set a boundary around a specific person or event and they have to go.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: They there's a reason why.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: Don't do it.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: Don't do it.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: No, you sorry, finish the question.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_02: What's just your advice in that scenario?
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because there's gonna be people that are listening to this and they're like, but whoa, whoa, whoa, you know, like I set a boundary with this family member, but I know I'm gonna have to see them at some point.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, I'm gonna answer this like twofold.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: I the first part of the question people are like, Oh, I have to go.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you actually don't have to go to anything anytime.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to go to anything anytime, you don't have to call anyone anytime.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: You actually don't have to do jack shit.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's a and that's like a very like, oh but I have to.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you actually don't.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: And this whole like energy of because someone is either a close friend or a family member that you somehow have to be in a toxic situation, and that excuses toxic behavior is actually a very like toxic thing in our culture of like, well, they're family, so I have to.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yes, no, like no, like telling you actually just don't have to, yes, yes.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was just saying, if you're saying, like, oh, but I have to go, I'm like, you don't have to go.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_01: You don't, you don't have to go, you don't have to say, oh, but I'm gonna have to talk to that someone, but no, you don't.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: You don't actually have to talk to them.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: You don't actually have to do like you do not have to.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: And like I that I think is actually such a big permission piece.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: But I think what happens is, you know, a lot of people, and I know different cultural backgrounds, you know, have this thing of like, well, it's family, so this is what you do for family, and you have to.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, if something is actually toxic to your mental health and your well-being and your emotional state, you actually don't have to do anything.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter who they are: brother, sister, mother, father, grandma, grandpa, you know, oh, but grandma's dying, so you have it doesn't matter.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: You like have enough self-worth to like not put yourself in that situation to begin with and just say no.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if it's like a pleasant scenario and maybe you know that, like, oh, the family scenario isn't like good, I'm just gonna run into Uncle Bob, who's always like, you know, like whatever, I'm gonna speak to them from that point.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Still, you don't have to talk to Uncle Bob.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to acknowledge, like, oh, I know that's gonna happen.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so then why are you creating that situation in the first place?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because then we often like, oh, but like, and this is where you're giving your power away of like, oh, but I was there and so this happened.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, well, no, you allowed that to happen.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where you actually need to take self-responsibility and stop blaming other people and be like, well, I actually didn't set a boundary and I put myself in that situation.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: I allowed, you know, you have a choice to talk to someone to be in that space.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: You have the complete control how long you're there.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's something that you go to for an hour and you don't go for the five hours, or you don't go for the full weekend, or you do this.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there, there's so many different nuances and options.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think people just don't give themselves a permission piece.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just gonna tell you, you do not have to.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I've said that with a lot of clients, like you just you don't have to.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I think, like I said, it's it's especially those relationships where, oh, they've been my best friend since I was five, or they're my sister, and like that.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: I have to, no, you do not have to.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's actually not only better for you, but it's also better for them.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, I've also had instances where people have then brought, you know, the conversation up to the person because like they either like they value the relationship, they actually want the relationship to stay in their life, they want to improve it.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so there might be instances where you actually bring it to light and bring that dynamic to light to actually heal it of like, you know, having a discussion about your relationship, the fact that they're not respecting your boundaries in order for the relationship to continue, in order for the dynamic that this is what you need from them.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: But like, really if that if they're not able to receive that and they're not able to actually have an adult conversation with emotional intelligence and they're defensive or they're reactive or they're just not listening, like just walk away, like create this space because it's just not worth it to you.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we can also get into maybe I want to say like wishful thinking or like really wanting some certain relationships to be something that is just not.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I I get it because, like, you know, I've seen mother-daughter relationships that are very like their best friends and they're loving, they're this.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: That is not me and my mom, you know, and I could I could try to like make it like that, and I could try to like fix it in the but if she's not willing to receive, she's not willing to be that person, there has to be a point where I stop putting myself in the fire.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_01: I stop burning myself every goddamn time and like being the martyr and trying to burn myself, changing something where that other person's not willing to change, or like trying to people please, and just actually it becoming more abusive to me to actually stay in that state, more like actually harmful, like I said, like burning ourselves to try to change it versus just accepting that's what it is and fostering perhaps that dynamic with someone else.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's I I get with family or like close friends, it's like, oh, you know, but they're my best friend, you know, I don't want to let this go because then I don't have this.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: And like, but like with my mom example, I could try to that it's not gonna be that.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, by me not holding the boundaries, and it's just it hurts me and it's just not fair, so it's better for me to have boundaries, and then like, you know, perhaps a relationship improves if they're willing, perhaps not, but no matter what, you cannot be that person who continually burns themselves at the, you know, at your expense for the quote unquote advantage of someone else.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because I guarantee that person, every time you don't hold your boundaries, every time you self-sacrifice, they actually don't even appreciate it, anyways.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then you start to build resentment because you're doing all these things and they're not appreciative, or they're like either not respecting it, and then you get that anger, and then you're gonna hold on to that anger.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps you're gonna wear that anger, and then you get bitter, and then it actually doesn't even serve the relationship, anyways.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: So you're thinking you're doing this out of like being nice, but like you're actually not, and it just causes resentment inside of you, it causes people pleasing, self-rejection, abandonment, and then it's actually not good for anyone, anyways.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_02: That is so good.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: We're on fire today.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: We're on fire.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_02: This conversation has been hands down, like one of my favorite.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like a good reminder, like, even like if you like you, right?
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're someone that people would look to, being like, she definitely has like a super strong self-worth.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like recognizing, yeah, like the knee pain, right?
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like things will come up, and it's about like listening to your body, and like the work never stops, it just gets like better and better.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually want to even like you know, pose a question that people can really, you know, say definitely say in this episode and obviously come back to, but even write down for themselves, it's like, what would it look like to put myself first in this situation?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, and actually ask yourself, like, so what would it look like to put myself first?
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps that is a boundary, perhaps that is not going to the gathering, perhaps that's not going for the whole thing.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you just go for an hour, you say hi to people, you want to say hi to you, and then you leave.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps it's you don't know, you go in, and then once you know, all right, to put myself first, like I know it's time for me to go, or it's time for me to this, or but really habitually asking yourself that in situations is going to be key.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I guarantee you, the people who don't do this are also the people that then get upset at the people who do, which is very interesting and very funny.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: People always get upset, people who can't hold boundaries also get upset at people who can hold their boundaries and they get angry at the people who do because inside they're actually angry at themselves for not being able to set that boundary.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_01: So literally asking yourself, what would it look like to put myself first?
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because I guarantee you, you putting yourself first is what is not only most nourishing for you, but in long term is actually going to be most beneficial for them, anyways.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I love that.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: So then what's your final piece of advice as we kind of like wrap things up for everybody for self-worth and boundaries and loving yourself?
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think my biggest thing is that I would say it's a it's a choice you're going to have to continually make in situations.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a choice to choose yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself over buying yourself flowers, taking yourself to dinner, having a bubble bath.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and if you can actually do that, if you can start to become someone who becomes aware, who chooses themselves, who looks at where they're not accepting themselves, what aspects they're not accepting, where they're rejecting, where they're and actually start to choose differently, that is actually how you're gonna build that solid self-worth.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I know people love like magnetism and like, how can I be magnetic and do this?
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: And like, sure, a lip can make you feel like a little bit of cherry on top.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: But like a red lip, or because I'm wearing a red lip today, that's not gonna cover up, you know, if I actually genuinely hated myself.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you actually want to be like in that goddess energy, that magnetic, you know, that glow, that power, that presence, you know, people have reflective back to me that I have this, but like that comes from like because I don't self-abandon, because I don't self-reject, it's not because I take a bubble bath, it's not because, you know, I did my hair today or have this lipstick.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like this is the energy I carry through, even when I'm like sweatpants, no makeup on.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what makes you magnetic.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's what makes you glow.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that is actually what attracts people to you.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so people often, you know, wonder why they haven't attracted a certain relationship or a certain friendship.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's the energetic that you were emitting.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, are you maybe like you're getting all dressed up?
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, oh, you know, the energy I'm emitting on dates is like I, you know, do my hair, do my lipstick.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: But like, if inside it's complete self-rejection, I guarantee you they they feel that through the the outside of the makeup, right?
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure you've all seen someone who perhaps wasn't done up and that they have this energy about them, this magnetism that you can't really explain, that je ne sais quoi, and that that all comes from those choice points of rejection, abandonment, accepting, not necessarily outside surface stuff.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so really starting to examine that and building that is what's going to be key.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, if you need help with that, join us in Goddess Activation.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I love that.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was just gonna say, what program would you recommend if somebody's like, hey, I want to work on this?
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, Goddess Activation.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely that.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: And we'll leave the link for that down below so that no matter when you're listening to this, you can you can still check it out.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: And because this is really foundational.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like solid self-worth is just foundational in all aspects of life, in you know, your career, your happiness, your health, your magnetism.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: And like that, that's why I remember I create goddess activation years ago.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, oh, there's a trend of like low self-worth at the fundamental of this, but then people, you know, wonder why they they can't build it.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it's simply because that younger version of you learned early on that for some reason they weren't enough.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_01: And we we're born into this world, you know, and not feeling worthy.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_01: We then pick up all of this wounding, conditioning, and trauma that makes us learn otherwise.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really about just bringing you back to your natural state, which is magnetism.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so magnetism is not something you have to go out and seek, it's not something that's something outside of you, it's something that you naturally are, and we just have to develop that by removing everything that makes you believe that you weren't that in the first place.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: Double star, underlying, take that clear.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_01: We're good.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_01: Episode is done.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: That was so done.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: I told you I'm on fire today.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it is the most, but yeah.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for interviewing me.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that was fire.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was a good episode.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_01: So if you guys enjoyed this episode, we would love for you to share it, send it to friends, family, share it on your Instagram stories, tag me, even come send me a DM on Instagram and let me know your biggest takeaways, kind of what you love, some aha moments, some realizations.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_01: I love hearing from you.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, we would love to have you in Goddess Activation if you're feeling the pull.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: And we will talk to you in the next episode.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_01: Bye, everyone.