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Do Narcissists Ever Go NO CONTACT with their victims · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So do narcissists ever go no contact with their victims or
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  the people that they abuse? The narcissists ever disappear
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  and you never hear from them again.
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  Like a like a old scary monster that rides off into the sunset,
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  right? That goes back underneath the
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  bed or into the closet. It's like Monsters Inc, right?
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and I'll give you the perspective of
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  a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Y'all, I've been flubbing some
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  of these videos at the beginning.
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  Y'all I know I do and it's just like it blows my body.
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  I just like, but I don't cut the video.
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  I don't cut the video. I just like.
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  I just gotta keep it going because it's it's me being
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  authentic, right? This is authentically me, you
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  know, I, I try not to hide my flaws sometimes because I'm such
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  a flawed person internally that I, I'm, it's natural for me to
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  try to hide my mess ups and hide my flaws.
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  A lot of people ask me, why don't you cut the video?
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  Just refilm it Because I, it's, it's things like that that
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  bother me that I need to learn how to deal with.
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  So sometimes, like outside of therapy, this is the type of
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  stuff that I do like little things like that people, how do
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  you work with yourself? Little things like that,
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  acknowledging my mistakes, putting them out to the to the
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  public to see this video could go viral if y'all help it, if
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  y'all comment like subscribe, whatever, it can help go viral
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  and people can see my mistakes and they can learn from their
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  own mistakes. Like what?
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  Own up to it. You know what I mean?
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  Just deal with it. I know it's small, but it's what
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  it I know it's small. I know it's little, but it's
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  what I got. OK, But back to the topic I had
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  y'all, I just had to say that. Do narcissists ever go no
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  contact with you, with the victims?
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  Yeah, y'all, you know they do. But a narcissist going no
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  contact is not the same thing as a victim going no contact.
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  Let's get that out the way. Right?
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  Let's get that out the way. A survivor or a thriver of
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  narcissistic abuse goes no contact to protect themselves,
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  to heal, to thrive, to grow, to defend themselves, to so they
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  can escape it to to be able to get to get some clarity, some
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  validation, to be able to live their lives to the fullest
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  extent. You're not going no contact.
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  The victims do not go no contact to punish the narcissist, right?
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  There's no pun. I mean, sometimes you might have
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  any in your in your mind. It's like I'm cutting them off.
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  Yeah, you might have that in your mind, but it's not coming
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  from from a place of I'll intent.
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  It's not coming from a place of just like the goal, Lee.
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  The goal is to cause as much pain as possible.
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  I'm not healing from anything. They treated me fantastic.
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  They gave me everything that I wanted and needed.
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  They never cheated on me. They they were completely good
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  to me. But I want to go no contact.
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  They hurt them. I'm an empath.
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  But they didn't sound right. Yeah, they didn't even sound
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  possible, right? You know what I mean?
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  Does that make any sense to you? So because you, you know your
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  intent behind, no, the victim or survivor's intent behind going
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  no contact is different from a narcissist intent about going no
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  contact. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's what I'm trying to, that's the point I'm trying to
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  convey. Like it's going to be different
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  reasons why you go no contact. And that's important to
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  understand. So don't hammer away at
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  yourself. Don't beat yourself up because
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  it absolutely is different reasons.
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  But I will say this right here, narcissistic people, toxic
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  people fall into the we do, we do fall into that mentality of
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  when we go no contact with you, we are trying to hurt you.
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  We are trying to punish you. We as narcissists are trying to
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  teach you as a survivor, thriver victim, a lesson of sorts.
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  Now, do I know what that lesson is?
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  No, I don't know what that lesson is, right?
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  I don't know what that lesson is at all.
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  But no, what did I say if I had to be into my mind to think
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  about what the lesson is? Yeah, yeah, I know.
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  I saw. Y'all know I used to say hot and
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  ready and do the narcissistic robot or like narcissist robot
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  now entering into space now I called it put it on my put it on
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  my narcissist hat, right. And the narcissist hat today is
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  going to be my rug rugrat sock. Rugrat sock, my Chucky fensters,
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  right? This is my narcissist cap today.
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  So I put on my narcissist cap and thinking about the lessons
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  I'm trying to teach you when I go to no contact is that you
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  tried to hold me accountable. How dare you stand up for
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  yourself? How dare you exercise any type
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  of authority or power over me. How dare you treat me this way?
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  How dare you match my energy? How dare you hold me
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  accountable. How dare you just try to put
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  what I've done back into my face.
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  How dare you try to shame me for choosing myself and making
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  myself try to make myself feel good even though it hurt you
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  intentionally. Intentionally hurt you.
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  I knew it would hurt you, but I I knew it would make me feel
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  better if I did it. How dare you.
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  Sometimes I teach you a lesson like that.
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  That's the lesson I'm trying to teach you is to not stand up for
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  yourself. Is to keep your damn mouth shut.
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  Is to let me do what I want to do.
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  And we'll be happy to see no evil, speak no evil, hear no
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  evil, and we'll be fine. That's what I'm trying to teach
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  you. Seriously, I had to close my
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  eyes and get into that mode. Yeah, it's kind of like method
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  acting. I had to go and had to the.
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  Like I said, people ask me, Lee, are you cured?
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  Are you cured of your narcissism?
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  No, I still have a personality disorder.
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  I just learned how to I I can turn the volume down on it.
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  Like it's not a light switch on, off, on, off.
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  It's like a dimmer switch. Like literally like a dimmer
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  switch. It's a knob.
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  You can turn up a little bit, turn it off a little bit, turn
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  it on a little bit. You have to get the control of
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  it. It's a knob.
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  I turn it down most, most, most of the times I'm it's turned
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  down, but it's not off, right? I just turned it on so y'all can
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  get the perspective and see what I'm thinking and see how I'm see
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  how I'm going about doing things and handling things, right.
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  But that's how I go. So as you're growing, as you're
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  healing, understand that a narcissist is going no contact
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  for a totally different reason. It's a selfish reason.
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  It's a reason to punish you, right?
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  Sometimes. Let's keep it hot, let's keep it
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  ready. They're trying to move on.
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  They have new supply that they don't want you to know about.
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  They want to have plausible deniability of you, of you have,
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  you know, of having new supply, of you having a new partner.
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  So they disappear on you, they ghost you, so to speak.
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  They they don't talk to you anymore.
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  They go no contact with you, right?
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  This is what they try to do. But otherwise, also, y'all,
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  let's keep it real. Sometimes you're the new supply.
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  They already have an old supply and they don't want you to know
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  about the old supply. They've been lying to you,
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  right? They've been lying to you about
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  a lot of different things. They've been lying to you about
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  a lot of different stuff. They keep lying to you about
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  certain things because they want to protect themselves and to
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  keep themselves steady. Ready, Eddie?
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  Right. This is what they try to do.
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  This is that mentality. This is what they, this is what
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  goes on now. I tell people all the time, this
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  is probably what you're going to have to deal with when you're
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  dealing with an abusive, manipulative person.
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  They don't want to meet you. They don't want to see eye to
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  eye. When you try to hold them
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  accountable, they dismiss you. They disappear on you.
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  They don't want to be held accountable.
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  So they will go no contact. Like it's not narcissist is
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  going to no contact. It's not really called no
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  contact. When a victim goes no contact,
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  it's no contact, right? It's like no contact.
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  There's that. When a narcissist goes no
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  contact, it's ghosting. It's, you know, it's, it's
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  ghosting. It's the silent treatment, which
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  I call, you know, the silent treatment is rage, is
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  narcissistic rage. But it's just, I call it silent
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  rage, right? It's the silent treatment, but
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  it's rage. It's narcissistic rage in and of
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  itself. So they're angry as hell at you.
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  They're pissed off at you. But instead of yelling and
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  screaming, they give you the silent treatment, which a lot of
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  times is just as effective, right.
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  Which it. Yeah, which is just as effective
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  and whatnot. So it happens.
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  So, but you have to protect yourself.
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  You have to guide yourself. This is what this is what
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  happens. This is what goes on.
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  So it's just like as you continue to grow, as you
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  continue to thrive, it's just like what, what do you, what do
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  you have in your mind? Because if a narcissist ghosts
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  you or gives you the solid treatment or disappears on you,
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  whatever, if you reach out to them, in their minds you're
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  making everything OK. So if I'm trying to teach you a
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  lesson by going no contact with you, by ghosting you, by giving
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  you the long distance or short distance silent treatment, if
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  I'm doing that, then I'm trying to teach you a lesson.
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  If you call me, text me. If you break that no contact, if
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  you break that seal, you just validated me and you made me,
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  you made me feel like I was right.
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  My you learned your lesson. You see that's called the
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  reverse Hoover. You see how the when the
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  narcissist goes no contact, like how it will, it will turn, like
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  I said, when a narcissist goes no contact, how it could turn
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  into the reverse Hoover in these situations.
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  So that's something you have to think about as well.
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  Yeah. There's so many moving pieces
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  when you're dealing with manipulators, right?
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  They're like, damn, lady, what the heck?
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  They there's so many things going on, Like why is this?
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  Why can't they just keep it simple?
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  Why is this got to be so complex?
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  It is simple for the narcissist. It's I'm right, you're wrong.
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  It's I'm good, you're bad. It's black and white.
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  There's no in between. There's no Gray area.
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  It's it's black and white. It's me good, you bad.
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  I'm right, you wrong. I write you wrong.
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  Like, hey, man, I write you wrong.
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  That type of dynamic right there.
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  It's super simplistic when you break it down to certain
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  different to, to different levels and things like that,
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  right? It's super simple to the
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  narcissist. It might not be as simple to
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  you. So as you continue to move
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  forward, just understand that like if a narcissist goes no
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  contact with you, you are not the narcissist, right?
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  If they ghost you or just give you the long distance solid
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  treatment, whatever they're doing, that doesn't make you the
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  narcissist, right? Because so many people just
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  like, well, Lee, I'm pursuing them, I'm going after them.
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  Am I narcissistic for wanting to talk to them and understand what
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  actually happened? Like Lee, they cheated on me and
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  they stopped talking to me. Well, am I the narcissist
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  because I keep reaching out? No, the intent behind the no
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  contact is absolutely 100% important.
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  The reason behind the no contact is 100% important.
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  What's the actual reason? What's the real reason?
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  That's something for y'all to consider y'all, but I got to hop
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  off this thing. Y'all have a coaching call.
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  I need to hop on a one-on-one. I still, I still do my one on
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  ones over zoom. If you're interested in one of
• 10:47
  those it's scrolling across the bottom of the screen.
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  If it's scrolling across the bottom of the screen the whole
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  time, it's mentalillness.net and I have a lot of other stuff on
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  there, y'all? So check out mental illness.net
• 10:58
  for all things Lee Hammock. Hit that subscribe button, turn
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  on those notifications and I will see you later.
• 11:04
  Peace. Before you go, make sure that
• 11:07
  you hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 11:09
  Y'all you already here just hit the button.
• 11:11
  Also you can find my coaching, my courses, my one on ones,
• 11:14
  everything is available at my website, mentalillness.net, kids
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  book, self love journal. Also check out joining the
• 11:20
  channel memberships as well. Y'all thank you so much for
• 11:22
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
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  Peace.