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The Women We Become in Community · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show podcast.
• 0:02
  My name is Julie Nguyen, and the last podcast was buttoning up these concepts that we've been talking about, penthouse life, abundance, allowance, abandonment, divine feminine, And today what we're gonna talk about is what I have realized and what I am incorporating courageously into my own life, and it's this realization that none of those things, none of these things that we are working on together, are ever meant to be done alone.
• 0:32
  Somewhere along the way we learned that healing was an individual sport, or we're just too scared, or we think that being vulnerable and sharing where we're at equates to weakness or victimhood, or we're told just to go to therapy or read the book or journal every day or meditate, but do your work.
• 0:56
  And don't get me wrong, those things matter, and I've done all of them, and I'll continue to do them, but I think there's a point where healing quietly transforms into something else.
• 1:06
  And I think when we can be sharing our work in community, then it stops becoming about fixing ourselves, and it becomes more of a celebration of remembering ourselves.
• 1:22
  And remembering happens in relationships.
• 1:28
  One of my favorite things that we talk about in Energy Club on Monday night, and one of the things that has been the most transformative in my life is everything needs a witness.
• 1:38
  Our pain needs a witness.
• 1:39
  Our healing needs a witness.
• 1:41
  Our manifestations needs a witness.
• 1:43
  Our dreams need a witness.
• 1:45
  Our celebrations, our quiet, terrifying acts of courage, they all need a witness.
• 1:51
  and I always wonder why it's hard sometimes to be in community, and I think maybe it's because we don't wanna show up and feel like other people need to fix us.
• 2:00
  But I don't think that's true anymore.
• 2:02
  I think healthy community not only takes practice, but they can exist, and when we find those communities, they help us remember who we are.
• 2:18
  So kind of just think about it.
• 2:19
  I know that there are people in my life who just by believing in me have helped me remember parts of myself that I had completely forgotten, and it's not because they changed me or they were like,"Oh, let me listen to your sob story." but it was because they acted as a mirror.
• 2:37
  They reflected my truest, highest self back to me when my own vision was blurry or when I was acting from an old pain point Because they were able to witness me I was able to transform.
• 2:55
  That is sacred.
• 2:57
  That is medicine I wanna share something that I've been putting into practice because I am somebody who is working on trusting other people, and is also practicing being in healthy relationships.
• 3:12
  I have a deep tendency to it's either yes or no, and if I am uncomfortable, I cut you out and we're done.
• 3:19
  And I've had to really work on this powerful reframe where it's not do I like this person, but Who do I become around this person?
• 3:30
  So I'm gonna say that one more time so you can also kind of let that sink in and take a breath around that.
• 3:36
  When we're really cultivating our friendships, our relationships, our community, it doesn't always have to be, do I like this person?
• 3:47
  But more, who do I become when I am around this person?
• 3:53
  When you are in their space, do you become smaller?
• 3:57
  Do you find yourself over-explaining your choices?
• 4:00
  Do you brace for conflict?
• 4:01
  Do you find yourself walking on eggshells?
• 4:04
  Do you leave their presence feeling energetically depleted or exhausted?
• 4:08
  Or do you become more creative, more playful, more courageous, more deeply, unapologetically yourself?
• 4:19
  Relationships aren't just connections.
• 4:22
  They are environments, and environments either nourish us or they slowly, quietly convince us to abandon ourselves over and over again And this is why I've been really curious about reciprocity, and I'm really wanting to generate more commitment, more energy towards relationships that offer reciprocity.
• 4:49
  And I'm not talking about keeping a score.
• 4:52
  and it's definitely not transactional.
• 4:54
  but it's more about transformative relationships, relationships where inspiration moves both directions, where both people feel seen, where both people can practice being their highest selves, where both people grow, where one person's light does not require the other person to dim theirs.
• 5:14
  Where you leave feeling more alive than you arrived If the divine feminine is rising, and we know she is, she isn't just in isolation, she is rising in circles.
• 5:28
  She is rising around dinner tables, in crowded coffee shops, on long walks, on dusty dance floors, through late night voice notes.
• 5:38
  She is rising in masterminds, living rooms, retreats, in Monday night energy club, Women have always remembered themselves in community.
• 5:50
  It's in our DNA, but somewhere along the way, we forgot, and we became hyper independent.
• 5:56
  We became self-sufficient, highly capable, incredibly strong, and we forgot how to trust one another.
• 6:06
  And underneath all of that armor, many of us have become really lonely.
• 6:14
  Not because we don't know people, and it's not because our calendars aren't full, but because we weren't truly known.
• 6:24
  I remember having a conversation one time, and it was a new friend, and we don't live in the same state, so when we would get together, you know, of course, it was wine and charcuterie and conversation.
• 6:35
  And I'm not in her day-to-day friend group.
• 6:39
  And I remember asking her, like,"Don't you have friends like this?" Like,"Don't you guys...
• 6:43
  Do you not have friends where you can talk spiritually like this?" And she said,"No." And I said,"Do you not...
• 6:49
  Like, what do you guys do?" She was like,"Not this." And I was like, oh my gosh.
• 6:53
  Here's a woman who has never experienced the safety of another woman.
• 7:01
  And I've also met women who didn't understand me when I was truly like, oh my gosh, look at how far you've come.
• 7:10
  Look at your story.
• 7:11
  This is an...
• 7:11
  Look what you've built.
• 7:12
  This is incredible They would look at me like like they couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth, they had a hard time feeling receiving my authentic, like,"Oh my gosh, you're incredible." They thought I was joking, or they've never experienced another woman highlighting another woman's success.
• 7:34
  And this is where practice comes in, that we don't become confident by thinking about confidence.
• 7:40
  We have to practice it.
• 7:42
  We don't become boundaried by reading a book about boundaries, and also boundaries take love.
• 7:49
  We can't create healthy boundaries from anger, resentment, or hurt.
• 7:54
  That's gonna be a whole other podcast on creating boundaries from love we are all being asked to step into the creation of the living divine feminine blueprint, and we have to practice being her.
• 8:09
  Every difficult conversation, every time we tell our raw truth, hold our story, every time we receive instead of over-giving, every time we let someone love us without trying to earn it, this is practice, and community is the safe container that gives us somewhere to practice I want relationships that call me forward.
• 8:35
  I want the people who love me enough to gently say,"That doesn't sound like you," or,"I think you're settling here," or,"I think you're forgetting who you are." And I want to be around people who can tell me that, not from a place of judgment, but from a place of fierce, unwavering love.
• 8:53
  Those are the people I want walking beside me because they don't just support my healing, they protect and enhance my remembering How do we get there?
• 9:06
  I'm not sure.
• 9:07
  I'm sharing this as I am allowing this frequency of support and love and trust and divine feminine and healthy relationships and, you know, healing my own abandonment issues around it all.
• 9:20
  I'm practicing And maybe that's what we're really building here.
• 9:25
  Not just a collection of friendships, but an ecosystem, an environment where remembering becomes easier than forgetting.
• 9:36
  It's having women in your life who celebrate your highest joys just as loudly as they hold your hand through your deepest heartbreaks I wanna leave you with a few questions to carry in your heart, and just think about it.
• 9:52
  Who helps me remember who I really am?
• 9:56
  Who do I become around the people closest to me?
• 10:00
  Where am I still settling for relationships that require me to shrink?
• 10:05
  And finally, what kind of woman do I want others to become simply by being in my presence?
• 10:13
  Hmm.
• 10:15
  What kind of woman do I want others to become simply by being in my presence?
• 10:21
  And that, to me personally, feels like that is what I'm striving to become That is the ultimate invitation.
• 10:30
  Not to collect more contacts or followers, but to intentionally cultivate an ecosystem where everyone has permission to become more of who they truly are.
• 10:42
  Whew.
• 10:43
  All right.
• 10:45
  It's another episode that I am listening to'cause I need all of this information to land within me Do you have a system, an ecosystem that's like this?
• 10:56
  Do you think it's possible?
• 10:58
  Thank you for being here.
• 11:00
  I think just by you being here, we're building this ecosystem together.
• 11:05
  Thank you for allowing me to think out loud with you and grow with you and to share this space.
• 11:11
  I do think we are building something incredibly beautiful together, not just on a podcast and not just a community, but a movement of women who are remembering who they have always been and giving each other permission to stay here.
• 11:26
  Keep choosing yourself.
• 11:28
  Keep choosing the relationships that expand you.
• 11:30
  And as always, the magic is you.
• 11:32
  Till next time.