Latest / The Rosanne Callens Podcast / E:21 Stop Waiting to Be Noticed: Visibility Starts With You
Transcript
- Rosanne Callens: visibility doesn't start with somebody noticing you. It starts with you taking that step first. Hey friend. Have you ever been mad that nobody sees you while you're standing behind the curtain? that's where we're going today. I have a client, and I'm not going to use their name. She wanted a promotion and she wanted it badly. And every session, she would come in and tell me about it. How long she'd been there, how much she contributed, how somebody less qualified got chosen for that last opening. And how nobody at the company or at the top seemed to notice the work that she was doing. And, you know, rightly so, she was frustrated and a little bit angry. And of course I believed every word of it because her frustration was real. But here's what I noticed after a few sessions. She had never actually told her director that she wanted the promotion. She never raised her hand for the stretch project that would have put her in line for it. She'd never had the conversation. So I asked her gently, Well, what happens if you ask? And the answer is no. And that's when it came out. It wasn't really about a promotion. It was about the things that came with it. A new schedule might mess up her family time. She might not be able to go to her kids' sporting events as easily as she had in the past. Peers might resent her if she got picked over them. The fear that if she stepped into a bigger role and people watched her closely, that she might not be enough. So instead of asking, she complained. And instead of raising her hand, She stayed quiet and called it patience. And every bit of that frustration that she had brought to me, it let her feel like she was doing something about her situation without ever having to risk the one thing that actually scared her. She was standing behind the curtain and she was upset that nobody could see her. But friends, I want to be honest with you because I didn't learn this lesson by watching someone else or reading it in a book. I have lived it myself too. For years. People kept telling me I'd make a wonderful coach and speaker, friends and colleagues, people I'd helped along the way, they kept saying it. And I just kept finding ways to not fully step into it. I would take another class, I would sign up for another workshop, or better yet, get another certification. And it was all useful and and all real growth. And that's what happens when you're a growth mindset individual. You always feel There's something else that you could be learning. But if I'm honest, some of it was me hiding in plain sight, which is why I like to say behind the curtain. Because underneath it, there was a voice asking, who am I to charge someone for working with me? Even while I was getting people real results and I was paying people to help me move to the next level. I was helping people land jobs and find their footing and feel alive again. And the proof was right there in front of me. And I still wouldn't see it as proof. So my business mentor told me to do something that frankly terrified me. She told me to post on Facebook and ask people for recommendations. this way it would help me when I was building out my LinkedIn and my website. And my gosh, friends, I sat there with my finger. Over that post button for I don't even want to know how long. I was so freaked out. I waited until nighttime to do it because that's how I deal with stress. I can't quite handle. I have to go to sleep. It's like watching your phone or your computer say installing updates one of 1245. You just have to lie there and let it process because you can't rush it and you also can't watch the whole thing happen in real time. So I closed my eyes and hit post and I let myself install whatever was about to happen overnight. Well, when I woke up the next morning, I was floored. people in my life showed up. They wrote about how I'd helped them. what it meant, what changed for them. And I was so touched. All of it had been there the whole time. I just hadn't asked. I had spent so long holding myself back on a dream that I had that I never gave anyone the chance to tell me what I needed to hear. And it didn't take a five-year plan. It just took one step. And one post. And friend, there's a reason why that moment felt so big. You know, Brene Brown has spent her whole career researching this exact thing. And she says it plainly. It's called vulnerability. Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. And it's tough to do that when we're terrified about what people might see or what people might think. And that's it. That's the curtain. The fear isn't about the promotion or the business or the post or the next step. It's about being seen before you feel ready to be seen. So visibility doesn't start with somebody noticing you. It starts with you taking that step first. Nobody's gonna pull that curtain back for you. That's your job and only yours. Now Here's where it gets a little bit uncomfortable because I want you to do something with me right now. I want you to think about something you've been frustrated about not having a promotion, a client, a relationship, an opportunity, whatever, whatever it is for you. Now I want you to ask yourself honestly, have you been asking for it or have you been complaining about not having it? Because those two things feel almost identical from the inside. They both involve talking about the problem a lot. They both involve other people hearing sometimes over and over again how you feel. But complaining keeps you safe. Because nobody can say no to a complaint. Asking for something is scarier because it can actually be answered. Only asking can be answered with a yes. I'm gonna say that again. only by asking can you be answered with a yes. James Clear talks about this in his Atomic Habits book, too. Although he's usually talking about gym habits and reading habits and and not always promotions, but he says that every action that you take is a vote for the type of person that you wish to become. One post, one ask, one hard conversation, it's just a single vote. I mean, it's not gonna transform you on its own, but it's the only way the evidence for whatever new identity or new thing that you want. Will ever get to start building? You can't vote for the person who gets seen while you're standing behind the curtain, right? So it's such a simple question, but I do feel it'll stop you in your tracks if you're honest with yourself. Complaining really does feel active. It feels like you're doing something, but it's actually one of the most sophisticated forms of procrastination there is. Because it lets you avoid that real risk while still feeling like you're dealing with it. And believe me, the people around you will certainly tell you that yes, you have been complaining. All right. So I I guarantee you've been hearing about this. And we can talk about technology for a second too, because this is where it gets almost funny if it weren't so familiar. So we live in a moment where we have more tools than. any generation before us to solve almost anything step by step. And yet what do many of us do when we're scared to take that real step? Well, we open YouTube, we scroll TikTok or Instagram. We watch 15 reels or videos on how to ask for a promotion or how to be more visible at work. And somehow watching someone else do it starts to feel like you're creating progress. But it isn't. It's the same curtain again, just with better lighting. The research becomes the avoidance, and your preparation is what becomes your procrastination. And the step that you need to take, is still sitting there untouched. Now, I want to do something with you before we close out today. I want you to get comfortable, or if you're driving, I want you to pull over because I really want you to be present for this. Actually, just keep driving safely, but stay, stay with me if you're listening while you're in the car. I'd love for you to close your eyes if you can, or just soften your gaze for a second. And I just want you to picture that curtain. Let your brain pull up. A picture of a curtain. And I want you to see the fabric of it, the color of it, whatever that curtain looks like in your mind. Now, behind that curtain, I want you to see yourself. Not pretend you, the real you, the one who has something to offer. The one people have already told is really good at this. The one who's been waiting for permission. And right in front of that curtain on the other side, I want you to picture the thing that you've been frustrated about not having. The promotion, the client, the relationship, the opportunity, the healthy eating habits. It's right there, closer than you think. Now here's the part that most people skip. I want you to say out loud. I want you to name your fear, not your goal, but what the fear is underneath it. And I want you to say it again out loud. I'm afraid that. And then finish that sentence honestly. I'm gonna say that again. I want you to name the fear, not the goal. I'm afraid that, and I want you to finish this sentence honestly, everyone. Maybe it's I'm afraid I'm not enough. Maybe it's I'm afraid people will resent me. Maybe it's I'm afraid I'll find out I'm not as good as people say. Whatever it is, I want you to name it out loud and on paper if possible. You know how I feel about writing things out. But name it specifically because fear that doesn't have a name gets to run the entire show in the dark, but fear that you've actually named in plain words, that's fear that you can look at because a fear that you can see is a fear that you can walk past. So when we're done here today, I want you to grab a pen, an actual pen, an actual paper, and I want you to write down two things. First, the fear, and I want you to name it in your own words. Remember what we said? I'm gonna go back. I'm afraid that. Okay, so you're gonna say, I'm afraid that, and you're gonna name that in your own words. And then second, right underneath it. I want you to write down one small step that you've been avoiding, And you don't have to take that step today, but you do have to name it today. naming it is how you stop standing in the dark behind that curtain. So here's what I want to leave you with today, my friends. If you are frustrated about something that you don't have, I want you to ask yourself which one you've actually been doing. Asking or complaining? Stepping out or standing behind the curtain, hoping someone notices the shadow that you're casting. Here's your takeaway from me. You can't be chosen from behind the curtain. You have to step out first. That's it for today. I'm gonna see you again next time, my friends. And I would love for you to DM me and let me know the fear that you have put a name to and the step that you are going to take to walk past it. You've got this, and I believe in you. You know why? Because the magic is in you. Bye-bye.