Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 24 - The Power of Support and Advice in Homeschooling (Part 1 of 2) // Marni Love & Denise Vibbert

Transcript

Ep. 24 - The Power of Support and Advice in Homeschooling (Part 1 of 2) // Marni Love & Denise Vibbert · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Denise Vibbert: In the community at large, there's a culture of encouragement versus a culture of jumping in to advise. And it it's really tangible and it's really valuable.
• 0:11
  Christy-Faith: Welcome to the Christy Faith Show where we share game changing ideas with intentional parents like you. I'm your host, Christy Faith, experienced educational adviser and homeschool enthusiast. Together, we'll explore ways to enrich and transform both your life and the lives of your children. Hello. Hello, everybody.
• 0:33
  Welcome to today's show of the Christy Faith Show podcast. We have a treat in store for you today because I'm a little scared as to what directions wild idea last week. Christy, we should have the mentors, the thrive Homeschool Community Mentors on a podcast where all of us are talking altogether. And I thought to myself, that sounds so fun. And the reason why it sounds so fun is because, privately, we are on Voxer all of the time.
• 1:06
  So welcome to the show, everybody. The ladies who are in Thrive Homeschool community are gonna absolutely love today. And you're gonna get a little bit more insight as to how we run the group and how the 3 of us together, when you're not seeing us on the Zooms. By the way, there are 4 live Zoom calls a month in Thrive Homeschool Community. We split everything up by the age of your children and the stage of your homeschooling, And you are welcome to come to one of them, all of them, doesn't matter.
• 1:35
  But there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes in Thrive, not just with the mentors, but also with how we put together the master classes and give you the deliverables every month. I am not going to read introductions for Marni and Denise today. I want you guys to introduce yourselves and I want you to include when I asked you to be a Thrive mentor, why you said yes.
• 2:06
  Denise Vibbert: I'm Denise, and I am the resident retired homeschooler in Thrive. I have 3 adult children that I homeschooled, k through 12, and they are now launched adults of whom I'm very humbled and proud. I am in Thrive as an encourager to the moms who are coming behind me, as well as to Marnie and to Christy who are mentoring moms who are in the process, but they're also still in the process of home schooling as well. And so I I take it real seriously for me to also be an intentional encourager to you guys. But I come from a history of living with and parenting with and homeschooling in a home with a very toxic husband.
• 2:52
  And so my heart is also really turned towards those moms or dads who are in situations where they feel trapped or they're struggling with toxicity and how to circumvent that or get past that or thrive in the midst of it. So that's also a real dear part of my heart as well. When Christy asked me to be a mentor in Thrive, I cried. You did? She'll tell you I tend to cry about things.
• 3:20
  I cried because I homeschooled starting in 2000. But before that, I was also homeschooled in through junior high, out of the country. It wasn't legal in America yet to homeschool, but I was out of the country and was homeschooled. And so when I was in my era of homeschooling, I was the only homeschooler that any of my peers had access to or knew and it put me in a unique role of kind of being the proof in the pudding in some ways that their kids might be okay, right? That that and that they're gonna be okay through the process, and so while we were home schooling together, I also found myself encouraging moms a lot and I love encouraging other people and I love encouraging moms.
• 4:06
  And so when she asked me to consider being a mentor and thrive, it was kind of the- the answer to a longing that I had had for many years to continue to be an encourager to moms after I was already out of homeschooling. So it was, I can't say it was a dream come true, but it was definitely a heart cry that I I felt was was being heard, and I was being given opportunity to just be in the midst of today's homeschool moms and to be able to say, it's gonna be okay. You can do this. I know you can do this. And today's And you
• 4:43
  Christy-Faith: are amazing in there getting at the heart of why we are doing this and such an encouraging voice. And as we got to know each other, how we knew each other for a long time before Thrive even started. I invited you because I felt so safe with you and you were I don't know if you felt called or why you even decided to give me the time of day because we hadn't met or anything like that. But you were just an incredible source of mentorship for me personally and I thought, well, why wouldn't I invite someone who I consider a mentor to be a mentor to the moms who are looking to me to be a mentor? And so and there's something magical when the 3 of us are in the Zoom room.
• 5:28
  I think, you know, we've had because of travel and you moving and things like that, there have been times where there's only been 2 of us. It's very rare. It usually is all 3 of us, but it feels different. It's like we're meant to be, the 3 of us together. Marnie, I don't know if you guys feel that way too, but, Marnie, please introduce yourself and then don't forget to answer the question, what were you thinking when this crazy girl who you've never met in person before in your whole entire life asked you to be a mentor in Thrive.
• 5:59
  Marni Love: Okay. So I'm Marnie Love and I am a homeschool mom to, well, just 2 boys now. I've graduated 1. He's in college. I will have a senior next year and a freshman.
• 6:09
  They are flying out of the nest as they are apt to do. I was a public school teacher for many years before becoming a mom and wanting something different for my kids, and so I started homeschooling. I'm also a parent coach through Connected Families, and I also train parent coaches. And so that's actually how I came to Thryv was you had emailed me about doing a workshop for you. And so I was just so excited to share connected families with homeschool moms.
• 6:41
  That is definitely my heart. I love, just like Denise said, encouraging, homeschool moms that are behind me a little bit. And so being able to really share this message, this, framework because honestly, homeschooling is just parenting. I say that all the time, but it's just parenting 247. And so it's, you know, really important that we have that strong connection with our kids in order to homeschool the way that we want to.
• 7:09
  And so I was thrilled to come in and do that. And then I think you invited me to sub as mentor mom.
• 7:15
  Christy-Faith: Oh, you're right.
• 7:16
  Marni Love: And thrive. And so that was my Wow. That was my first taste of it. When you emailed me about the workshop, I I remember asking my husband. I'm like, I think I'm getting punked.
• 7:29
  Christy-Faith: I'm like, I know who she is and I'm I why would she ask me to come in her community and do a workshop? And so
• 7:37
  Marni Love: then we met and I was just like, you know, when you just meet sometimes you just meet people. Right? And it's just like instantly you're connected And that's how it felt with both of you. And so just coming in and doing that work that I was a Yeah.
• 7:52
  I think it was the teen office hours that we did and it was so much fun.
• 7:56
  Christy-Faith: I'm like, oh my gosh, this community is so amazing. And then
• 8:00
  Marni Love: I knew I was just stopping, and I was
• 8:02
  Christy-Faith: a little sad. I'm like, oh, I really like that. That was super fun.
• 8:06
  Marni Love: And then when you asked me to come and be part of the Thrive community, I was thrilled because I really, had felt a call to work with homeschool moms. That was my dream. And I had no idea how that was gonna happen. And who knew it was gonna be through you and that wonderful first meeting. So
• 8:25
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. Well, the feeling is likewise with both of you. And when I started Thrive, I knew that I wanted a seasoned all the kids have graduated, like sorry, Denise. Mother figure. Although, I've come to realize oh my goodness, I've come to realize that a lot of the ladies view me as a mother figure.
• 8:45
  I'm like, what? But so, yeah, you don't realize you're getting old until it's like someone slaps you in the face with it that you're getting old. But I love my age. I love my age. So but also, Denise, too, is something I am always looking at is where are the gaps in Thryv that need to be filled.
• 9:07
  And one of those gaps is, if you guys know, Scott and I have been married for over 20 years. We got married very young, healthy marriage. We've always just adored each other. And I knew going into Thryv and creating Thryv that although we are blessed with our particular story, I've never actually experienced a toxic marriage, an unhealthy marriage. Quite frankly, even the guys that I dated before, Scott, were nice guys.
• 9:35
  So I but I knew statistically that that's not actually the reality, that over half of the women that I am going to be mentoring will have difficult relationships. Now that doesn't mean that I don't have difficult relationships with extended family and things like that, but I and because because of your wisdom, Denise, I knew that I needed someone that had that background and Thrive needed that because when you are in a relationship that's very difficult and very close, it not only affects you, but it affects your kids as well. And there are things that we need to see and recognize. And and the other thing, Marnie, is that when I started Thryv, I knew that I wanted some sort of a certified parenting coach in there and but I I started anyway. I did not have that person yet and so you just came.
• 10:26
  You just, like, you were just plucked in Thrive's lap. So it's so exciting. I know this is gonna be are are people gonna start gagging at how much we're gonna be fangirling on each other? I think they might. But let's give people a little sneak peek into what first, I would like to hear from your guys' perspective what the office hours experience is like.
• 10:49
  If you could describe it to someone who's maybe considering Thryv, that would be really cool. I'd love to hear it
• 10:54
  Denise Vibbert: from your perspective. Let's start with maybe Denise. Office hours is a time where moms come in to listen, to share, and to learn. Right? And what I love about it is we never know who's coming.
• 11:10
  Some people sign up, and not everybody does, and you don't need to. And we just kinda go with the flow of what is on everybody's hearts at that time for that hour. What it's developed from is us presenting questions, you know, from the mom to us just being open and letting moms come towards us with whatever's on their hearts for that day or that hour. What I've loved is watching the community develop within office hours and to see moms, experienced moms, just chiming in in the chat. Anytime one of their fellow moms is sharing something, be it something academic or something emotional or or anything in between, but it's just a time of kind of pulling up to the table in the coffee shop, the cyber coffee shop, although not everyone's drinking coffee.
• 12:01
  We have one mom that's usually eating a wine cake, a piece of wine cake. We have another mom who's often cooking something and we love watching her. So come as you are and we accept you as you are. And I feel like creating that safe space where moms can can be just exactly who they are in that moment is what office hours is about while also providing such high level academic and parenting and learning issues, all of the things that that we're also very concerned about. I just think that YouTube brings such high level advice and counsel in that area, and it's it's I learned something every office hours.
• 12:48
  And I I'm telling you, there's not an office hours that goes by that I don't think if I could do it over again, I would wanna do that.
• 12:56
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• 13:27
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• 13:51
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• 14:26
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• 14:52
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• 15:14
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• 15:29
  That is so sweet for you to say because that is the goal. Because I was thinking, how is this really gonna work? Because I want this to be a high level academic advising meets support group. And that is a very weird combo. You usually don't get those two things together.
• 15:45
  But we have created a culture where it is safe to be vulnerable in Thrive. Marnie, would you describe that a little bit, how you think we've been able to accomplish that in it's not only just in office hours. I see it community wide, a very non judgmental place. Would you speak a little bit to why you think that is?
• 16:09
  Marni Love: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. It's the total it reminds me of, I'm gonna date myself now, but the cheers, you know, the the bar cheers, the show, where, like, everybody knows your name. Right?
• 16:20
  Like, you come in and people pop in on screen and we're saying hi to each other by name. Like, we have that relationship that we've built, and that's through attending office hours. That's through the forum, you know, like, just talking to each other in the DMs. And so I think there's this like relationship that's been built. And I think, Christy, it's because of the community you've created.
• 16:41
  Like, we start office hours by, like, laying some groundwork, you know? Like, we talk
• 16:44
  Christy-Faith: about the fact that what happens in office
• 16:44
  Marni Love: hours stays in office hours, Right? And that we don't offer unsolicited advice. But if there's something that you want, then you have to ask. It's not just I think that's what makes it such a safe place because it's not just a place where you come and get talked at. It's a place where you come and you form relationships and you feel safe enough to ask those questions, and then we can all encourage.
• 17:14
  There's so much encouragement. I think that's the really neat part too is that a lot of these mamas have been coming to every office hour. We usually do 2 a day, and very often, we have mamas that come for both. It's just this safe space where people can come, and they've been fed, and then they're willing to to feed other mamas. They're they're encouraging each other.
• 17:38
  We've had moms come in after a really hard day and they're in tears. And there's so much love, not just, you know, from us, but from the other moms. And they do it in the chat. They're chatting with each other, and it's just become this really neat, safe, connective space that's unlike anything I've experienced before. It's a really sweet group of mamas, and I think it's just because of the safety that you've provided with the idea that we want to hear from you and we wanna encourage you and you're safe here to share and I think that's what makes all the difference.
• 18:16
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. And, you know, it's interesting. We did, a project where we did video testimonials for Thrive. It's actually on the Thryv page if you go to my website. And it was interesting because I was not involved in that.
• 18:30
  I was not involved in the filming of it, of the editing of it. And so when the individual who was doing the interviews asked the question, why do you stay in Thryv? Almost every single person on there mentioned the community, and they didn't just mention the high level of advising that happened in office hours. They were mentioning that there's something different about the forum advising, like, comparing it to kind of free Facebook groups and things like that. And I think the difference is because you're known.
• 19:03
  Like, it's not like you can just slap bad advice while you're waiting for your kid's soccer practice and, potentially, it hurts someone with bad advice because you're known and everyone in Thrive is taking homeschooling seriously, that even the forum advising is is better. And we have new homeschool moms, 2 year homeschool moms, 5 year homeschool moms, veteran homeschool moms. We even have an office hours once per month for just for the seasoned homeschooler, which I wanna get into later, but I know you guys came with questions. Did you want to ask each other anything?
• 19:40
  Denise Vibbert: I do have a question for you that I think we should cover before we move on from office hours. Why is it so important to you that advice is only given when it's asked for? Because I know that's very, very important to you, and Marnie and I are completely on board with that. But why why do you make that one of the guidelines for office hours? Oh, man.
• 20:03
  Christy-Faith: So have you always been wondering that? Have you never asked
• 20:08
  Denise Vibbert: No. I think I know, but I want I want everybody else to know why that is a steadfast rule for us, and I think it really contributes to us being a very safe place.
• 20:20
  Christy-Faith: Yes. Well so it all started when I was going through a very dark time in my life, and I was going through secondary infertility. So which was I had infertility before my firstborn but after becoming a mother the the most devastating dark crisis of my life really in the last 20 years was my secondary infertility because I loved being a mother so much and it wasn't happening. And so I was living in West LA at the time and I looked on the Internet and found an infertility support group. And I thought, well, these ladies are walking through this as well.
• 21:04
  It was the kind of support group where everyone is seeing the reproductive endocrinologist where I thought I could go and get, like, intel on who the good doctors are and what this woman is struggling with. And if you know that world at all, different doctors have different protocols and methods for how they do their practice. And so I thought, okay. I'm gonna try this place. Well, I go there.
• 21:27
  And let me tell you, it was in this tiny little apartment in Santa Monica, California. And not really in a nice area. It was the type of place, if you guys know West LA, where you had to park 3 blocks away and you didn't really enjoy the walk to the apartment because you're like, this I'm gonna be leaving this place after dark type of, Santa Monica, you guys know. And so if you if you're from L. A.
• 21:51
  But, anyway, I go anyway and I go into this tiny little apartment and there are at least 30 women packed in there. On almost like on top of each other, on ottomans and couches and all of this, all walks of life. And this young gal was leading young younger than me was leading the group and this and everyone had a chance to share their stories. But one thing that she said in the beginning is this is a group where we only give advice when it's asked for. And I think that that was eye opening to me because when you go through something like infertility, people love to say, well, have you tried?
• 22:28
  My favorite is, well, have you tried calming down? Right? Like anyway. So and what I witnessed was absolutely remarkable. The lack of judgment in that room, it it actually any church I have ever been
• 22:48
  Christy-Faith: in, in any small group,
• 22:48
  Christy-Faith: any youth group I was in, any women's group, mom's group, nothing any women's group, mom's group, nothing did had this level of vulnerability. And at the time, I also was researching a lot. I'm very interested in connection and things like that and I was reading a lot of Brene Brown's research and understanding that true connection comes with vulnerability but you really can't have you can't feel close to someone if you have walls up. And so it was just an incredible experience and I ended up running my own infertility support group later on in West LA until I got pregnant spontaneously with my 4th child, and then I had to step down because it was too painful for the other women in the group. You know, here I am running an infertility support group pregnant with my 4th child.
• 23:44
  So I raised someone else to lead it, but it was quite an incredible experience. And then throughout, you know, be being a mother and going to moms groups, you know, on a Wednesday morning, the young moms groups, and I would watch women suffering, crying, even if it's something as, you know, they have no sleep and their baby's constantly spitting up and constantly crying and they barely made it there that morning, everyone's a hot mess and seeing this women women cry. This has happened countless times and I'm sure people listening have experienced this as well. Just for that women to people that almost, like, pull out their machine guns and start with the have you trieds. Just advice giving advice giving advice giving.
• 24:31
  And I you can physically see women shut down when this happens because it's really a message of you're failing. You're there's something you're not doing right if you're in this state. Now, to give grace to the people giving me advice, a lot of people are coming from a good place, but we need to be very careful about the message that our words convey to other people. And the last thing we want when someone's having a hard day is to shut them down. Most of the time, we know where our mistakes were anyway.
• 25:01
  So we don't really need to be, you know, kicked while we're down necessarily. And so and then what's interesting is I have been in other groups since, seen it over and over and over again and it actually makes me very sad. But the thing is is it's not that when this is a rule, it's not that it ends up not being a place where advice is given. It's just becomes a place where people feel safe asking and it puts everyone in more of a humble posture as well. And there's a lot more that goes that I think psychologically that goes into when you are an advice giver, you really become an unsafe person and an unsafe friend.
• 25:42
  No one's gonna wanna share with you if you constantly think you have the answers to all their problems because you don't. Right? And and so that's kind of the the heart of why I did that. And another piece that is a little bit unrelated, but also related that I think helps with the vulnerability and thrive. I have come to realize through mistakes of my own life where I have over leveraged my friendships with my kids' connections.
• 26:11
  So for example, I'm I've had times where I'm only friends with the moms of my kids' friends. And from experiences where having to leave a church, for example, and being left almost with nobody, not only me, but my kids overnight having to leave a church, for example, is really hard. And I think it is so important for women to seek out friendships that are not connected to their kids' lives. And that is something it sounds silly, but actually, that is one of my main motivators for starting Thrive is let's get these women connected to each other. We don't know anything about each other's kids and that's probably a good thing because kids end up fighting or there's drama in the co op, things like that, and it can really strain relationships.
• 27:02
  But here, it's all about the parent. It's about you and your homeschooling, and that's a really important factor. Those of you listening, it you don't necessarily have to join Thrive, but you may be overleveraged in one place with your friendships. And that is a mistake that I have made in my life that I'm never making again. I think one thing that that this particular guideline that that we're so protective of, if you will, one of the big merits is that it takes everyone from the place of immediately thinking what advice can
• 27:38
  Denise Vibbert: I give to how can I encourage?
• 27:40
  Christy-Faith: Mhmm.
• 27:41
  Denise Vibbert: Right? And so that's what I love witnessing In the chats, when moms chime in, in the forums, you know, in in the community at large, there's a culture of encouragement versus a culture of jumping in to advise. And it it's really tangible, and it's really valuable. And I think it's very unique, and I I love that because when a mom the moms that you're talking about that would show up for those events, and they've just they've got one nerve left.
• 28:15
  Christy-Faith: Mhmm.
• 28:16
  Denise Vibbert: Right? And I wanna be that older woman that walks over there and says, can I hold the baby? Can I just hold this baby? And you can have your body for for 20 minutes of this. Right?
• 28:28
  And, you know, if you trust me enough, if she starts fussing, I'll leave the room, you know, and and shush her and whatever. I wanna be that old lady. I don't wanna be the ones that came at me like they came at you guys and and are just peppering you with all the things you should have done. And so but I I love the culture of encouragement that's being fostered and is really very fruitful in in Thrive. It's it's really beautiful.
• 28:55
  Christy-Faith: The show will resume in just a minute, but first, I wanna share with you an incredible resource that is totally free to homeschooling families everywhere. Have you ever felt like you were on trial for your homeschooling choice when visiting a doctor or another service provider? It's unsettling, especially when someone misinformed has the power to threaten your family. Unfortunately, we have heard countless stories of parents who have felt trapped in offices and met with suspicion rather than support simply because they were homeschoolers. I've been profiled and interrogated myself, and I'm sure many of you have as well.
• 29:31
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• 30:01
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• 30:24
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• 31:41
  It's pretty neat. You often people are social media is criticized for this lack of connection. And when I look at something like Thrive Homeschool Community and there are women in there that I literally consider actual real friends who I have never met. But I know if we would, we would just, you know, hit the ground running. And so I think it's pretty cool that there is a way there is a way in and I think it does require a more private forum.
• 32:14
  You know, the criticism, they're mostly like social media where people are just showing their their best, you know, a a reels on social media. But, yeah, I think that is really special about Thryv. And the fact that I've never had to kick someone out of Thryv, I think, is really unique because I hear stories of other people with other communities that have things have gotten out of hand and that just has never happened. It literally hasn't. So I think that's really cool.
• 32:43
  Hey, Marni. Did you come with a question
• 32:45
  Marni Love: for either me or Denise? Yeah. I I was curious for Denise because I know, I don't know that we've ever actually talked about it but you're hilarious. You're super funny, and you have such great wisdom to share with mamas. You're so encouraging.
• 33:00
  I'm just wondering, like, how you are able to, like, keep that part of you with everything that you went through. I kind of wanna, you know, just share with other moms that might be going through hard things in their, you know, marriage or extended family relationships. Like, how did you keep that part
• 33:19
  Denise Vibbert: of you intact? Well, I am a pretty devout Christian. I'm a follower of God, and maintaining that relationship with God was very important to me. And as I went through years because I was in my marriage for 25 years. And as I would go through seasons of because if you're with a psychological abuser, it's a roller coaster.
• 33:43
  It's a merry-go-round. It's, you know, always. And so there would be seasons where I would stop spending time with God, and I would notice that I was just plunging into all kinds of pits. Right? And I would get back on track and started realizing in the midst of the chaos, what was stabilizing for me.
• 34:03
  So as a believer, that was extremely stabilizing for me, but outside of my faith, having I'm very close with my sisters and we're we know each other very well. We've been through so many things together having grown up in Africa. Right? And you experience so many things that no one else can relate to. And I think everyone's childhood can be that way, but if you have relationship good relationship with a sibling and they know who you are all the way through and they know what you've been through, that can be very stabilizing.
• 34:37
  I I'm the middle child and a little bit of a sarcastic clown, if you will, and making people laugh. And my deep desire to be an encourager, I think, also helped me pull out of what was happening to me and form relationships with with other women who helped me have fun. But there was also a part of me that and I I don't know why it's there other than than God. Right? That just never lost sight of who I really am, And so it was early on in my marriage that I started to change my perspective to I look at at you guys and, you know, Christy, you were talking about you and Scott.
• 35:30
  You guys are just like this dynamic duo. Well, I wasn't part of a duo. I was part of a tug of war
• 35:35
  Christy-Faith: Mhmm.
• 35:35
  Denise Vibbert: All the time. And so you can say, because of Scott, I am in this place. Because of Scott, this is where our family is. Because of Scott, I am this person that I am today, and he could say the same about you. Well, I learned pretty early on that in spite of in spite of him, I was this.
• 35:58
  In spite of him, I would hold on to this. Right? And so while I stayed in this relationship for numerous reasons that won't be discussed on public forum here, but I do understand and relate to, there was a huge component of I felt very trapped and, like, I didn't have any other option and but, therefore, in spite of this circumstance, I would become this and I would follow God this way. I would lead my children this way in spite of him. And it actually got to the point where I would say that to his face.
• 36:35
  In spite of you, I am this. Right? And so personality plays into it, upbringing plays into it, and that whole in spite of really came from my childhood when in Africa, when there would be circumstances that were just so out of our control. And my my parents would say, in spite of what is happening right now, we're not going to be defined by our circumstances. We're gonna be defined by who we are and who we know that we are.
• 37:05
  Right? In spite of how this person is treating you, you need to be true to yourself. And I have a keen sense of humor, and I love that most of the time. I mean, there are there are key times where I hate that because I shouldn't be laughing and I am laughing and sometimes it's not showing on my face by the grace of God, but sometimes it is and, you know, so I see humor in all kinds of things, and people don't even know the half of it. And I
• 37:36
  Christy-Faith: People don't know how inappropriate your humor is, my friend.
• 37:40
  Denise Vibbert: They don't don't know how I'm 12. Okay? I'm basically a 12 year old girl in this silver haired body, and it's I'm okay with it because I can't I can't stop. So I'm just gonna I'm gonna be this idiot, you know, that that can dress it up a little bit. But at the end of the day, man, I'm gonna drop a one liner and and it's it's gonna help.
• 38:06
  But I love making people laugh because laughter is also a form of release and it's very healing. It can be very healing. And so I learned that walking through a deep, deep valley with a friend who had been horrifically abused as a child and was working through all of those things. And I actually went to therapy with her when she first started therapy because she couldn't even speak to someone else about what happened to her. And so I went in with her, and I would say I would speak for her.
• 38:38
  And at first, the therapist was kind of like, this is odd. Right? And then she was like, oh, I get why this is happening. But what was also funny is the therapist was very type a and, you know, wore a suit and crossed her legs and her hair was a perfect bob, and I don't brush my hair most days. And
• 38:57
  Christy-Faith: Among other things.
• 38:58
  Denise Vibbert: Yes. We're sitting there talking, and I'm talking about things, and I could see my friend's tension just rising, and I would say something that would make her laugh. And the therapist would look at me like, not so inappropriate. And I'm like, is it, though?
• 39:13
  Mhmm. Because all of a sudden, this traumatized person laughed, and it let out some of her tension and leveled her a little bit, and she was able to move on. Right? And so it got to a point where the therapist was like, I actually see the merits of that laughter. And I'm like, that's amazing.
• 39:32
  And so I remember that that it's very therapeutic to laugh as well. And my kids and I would laugh a lot. We would laugh a lot together because my kids are stinking funny as I raised them to be sarcastic. And let me tell you, ladies, if you do that, it's gonna bite you in the you know what.
• 39:48
  Marni Love: That's what I love in office hours because you're this warrior for these mamas. Like, you are, like, gonna speak these words of wisdom into them and empower them and encourage them. And they're gonna feel safe and they're gonna cry and they're gonna laugh. And that's what I love about what you bring to office hours. Well, thank you.
• 40:06
  Yeah.
• 40:07
  Christy-Faith: If you're enjoying the show and you don't wanna miss out on future episodes, hit that like and subscribe button and show us some love with your comments. Those 5 star reviews really do make a difference. Yeah. And also just your experience with having such a toxic marriage, I think it's helpful a lot of women face toxic people regarding their homeschooling, not necessarily their unsupportive spouse, but whether it's a mother-in-law, a sister, an aunt, an uncle, or or anybody. And we we deal with that quite a bit in Thrive, and it's a source of a lot of pain because I think part of the root to that is the message to the mom is you're not capable.
• 40:51
  Who do you think you are? You're not smart enough to do this. You're not capable. How can you do this? And so that is such an important role to play where, like, let's call gaslighting what it is And let's let's actually name what is happening to you so that we can support you because we know without a shadow of a doubt that we are more capable than the system.
• 41:14
  I had a podcast guest on the other day and we were joking about how many of us had the gym teacher teach high school history or the football in my case, it was football coach teaching my biology class. He never even looked up from his desk the entire year he was working on his plays for the entire year, then they wanna look at homeschool moms and we already feel insecure and then point fingers saying, who do you think you are? And we're here to say, yeah, I think I am capable and I think I can do this and I will do it and I'm resolute. And so that's something that you provide for sure, Denise. Denise, do you have another question?
• 41:55
  Denise Vibbert: I actually want to say to Marnie that it's not a question. It's just that I love the role that you play in Thrive, that your parenting coaching is flawless. I have never heard you give advice to a mom that in my mind, I was like, that is not gonna work. Right? Or, oh, gosh.
• 42:25
  Now I have many times said, where was Marnie? Right? Because I it's like I tell the moms in Thrive. You'll never make as many mistakes as I made. Mhmm.
• 42:36
  You just won't. And I believe that. Like, I made a lot of mistakes, but my children are not defined by my mistakes. And that's some proof in the pudding that I have for other moms, but I love your spirit. I love the way that you are so gentle and soft spoken, but speak with such strength and authority and knowledge.
• 42:57
  But you're very open and you give counsel and advice that is a 100% tried, true, and effective. And it's so so important because like you said, homeschooling is an extension of parenting. And when you know, back in the olden days, when I was homeschooling and moms would come to me and say, I don't how can you ever homeschool? I don't think I can ever homeschool. And I would say, if you have the right relationship with your children, if you're in the right position in your family with your children, you can do it because it's just the next day of of being a mom.
• 43:33
  Right? And I love the way that you convey that in so many different ways so many different ways, and I just appreciate you a lot.
• 43:41
  Marni Love: Thank you, Denise. Well, I will say that it's through my mistakes. It's through my mistakes. That's why how I found connected families the first place because I was that desperate mom crying myself to sleep at night. And so it's definitely, you know, a lot of hard knocks, the school of hard knocks for sure.
• 44:00
  So I I wonder that too sometimes. I'm like, where was I? Where was this? Where was this? Where was
• 44:05
  Denise Vibbert: I when I needed me?
• 44:09
  Christy-Faith: That's so funny. Where was I when I needed me? Yeah. I love that. Hey, Marnie.
• 44:15
  I think it would be interesting for people to know what happens a little bit behind the scenes in running Thrive. Thanks for joining us for part 1. We hope you gained some valuable insights. Be sure to catch part 2 where we're gonna continue this great conversation.