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How can I care for an older relative respectfully? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Caring for a parent or older relative often changes a relationship.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: The person who wants to look after you may need your help, and that can bring up love, worry, guilt, and frustration, sometimes all at once.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, mixed feelings like these are very common when these roles shift, and respectful care starts with keeping your relatives at the centre so they can stay confident, independent, and themselves.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can start by asking questions like what would help most and how would you like to do this?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: To give your relative a voice in their own care.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: A thought that often comes up is it would be quicker if I just did it for them, and try testing that.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, what might they lose if you take over the job and what could they still do with a little support?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And letting someone do what they can in their own way supports their confidence and independence.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And think of a recent visit or day that did go well.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: What was happening and what did you do?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And doing more of that is a good place to begin.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And practical ways to support yourself with this might be small everyday things that can make a real difference, such as keeping in regular contact, through calls, visits, or sharing a cup of tea or a favourite programme, help them get out of the house, even for a short walk or a coffee somewhere different, keeping their favourite foods in, making meals easy to prepare, offering drinks regularly, and sitting down to eat together when you can.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Also supporting the hobbies and routines that they enjoy, like gardening, reading, baking or music, because these help them feel more like themselves.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you might also take notice when everyday tasks start to get harder, such as shopping, cooking, housework, or getting to appointments, and talk about it together early so support can be put in place in a way that suits them.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Also, it's important to look after yourself as well.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So share that word with other family or friends and tell someone you trust how you're doing.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now you might need to speak to their GP if you notice changes in the health, memory, mood, or ability to manage.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Your local council can carry out a needs assessment for them and a carers assessment for you.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Age UK and Carers UK both offer advice and information.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: There are also home care and respite care options, and your relatives' wishes should be part of that conversation.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can go back to the GAPS resources on caring for a parent or older relative for further support on this matter, and if you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.