Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Nate Jackson_s Super Funny Comedy Jam Episode 1

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Nate Jackson_s Super Funny Comedy Jam Episode 1 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What up, beautiful people? It's your boy Nate Jackson. This
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: is the Super Funny Comedy Jam. Take live in Tacoma, Washington.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: And it's going down. Let me introduce you to this
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: episode's comics.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: There they go.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: Hello, my name is Ashima Franklin and I am from Mobile, Alabama.
• 0:19
  Speaker 4: Hey, I'm Matthew Deakins and I'm from Manassas, Virginia.
• 0:24
  Speaker 5: What's up, y'all?
• 0:25
  Speaker 6: I'm Lance Woods from Sacramento, California.
• 0:30
  Speaker 5: What up, peeps? I'm Tony Baker from Chicago, Illinois! What up, y'all?
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, we in here.
• 1:01
  Speaker 7: It's another episode of the best comedy show that's probably
• 1:04
  Speaker 7: ever been filmed.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: So, we in this bitch. Y'all good? Outstanding.
• 1:09
  Speaker 7: I'm like, okay, we done stuck all the black people
• 1:11
  Speaker 7: in the front on this one. I like that.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah, got a little head wrap.
• 1:15
  Speaker 7: I see you with your little soy candles.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: You making them in your garage. I see you. Okay,
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: you got your Burberry on. Okay, got your little baby
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: shower clothes.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: I know that's right.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: How you doing back there, sir? I see you got
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: one of them. You good, baby?
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: I see you.
• 1:39
  Speaker 7: Somebody make sure his oxygen tank don't blow up in
• 1:42
  Speaker 7: this bitch.
• 1:44
  Speaker 5: You be in the middle of a lap. Pow!
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you made it out, man. Add more life
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: and love to your life, man.
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: That's crazy.
• 1:56
  Speaker 7: Because if I sprained my ankle, I wasn't going to
• 1:58
  Speaker 7: make it. He's strapped to an oxygen machine. You ever like,
• 2:03
  Speaker 7: you ever have somebody blow weed in it?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: You be like, ooh. You fuck with it on? Do
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: you fuck with it on?
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: He like, ah. Ah.
• 2:24
  Speaker 7: She can tear your whole tank off. Bush or not?
• 2:35
  Speaker 7: This is how it's gonna go, man. This is gonna
• 2:36
  Speaker 7: be a whole bunch of fire. Back to back to
• 2:38
  Speaker 7: back to back to back. If y'all ready to start
• 2:39
  Speaker 7: the show, start making some noise right now.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: That's not enough. I need it up here.
• 2:47
  Speaker 7: First comedian coming to the stage, show your love for
• 2:50
  Speaker 7: Ashima Franklin!
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna mow my titties til Tacoma, goddammit. Hell yeah,
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: these titties just turned 46, yeah. Hell yeah, and these
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: titties got arthritis. I'm telling you, this shit is fucked up.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: It seemed like I went to bed at 45, woke
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: up 46 flared up with arthritis and shit. And I
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: don't know if y'all familiar with arthritis, but arthritis is
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: a very painful disease. Yes, and it's really painful for
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: me because I like to fuck young niggas. Yeah, so
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: you know, it's kind of hard to tell a young
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: nigga to put your leg down because your shoulder hurt,
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying? And they do it, too.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: They be like, yes, ma'am. I be like, thank you, baby.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Auntie flared up today, God damn it. I done ate
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: too much red meat in this motherfucker. I'm telling you,
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: arthritis ain't shit. The medicines, the pills make you sleepy.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: The creams you rub on your hair, you smell like
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: an old-ass white man and shit. Sorry, old white man,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: but hey. Rock around this bitch smelling like you and shit.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: And you flare up according to the weather. If it's raining,
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: you hurting. If it's cold, you hurting. I'm just saying,
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: when I turned 46, I didn't think I was going
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: to have to look at the seven-day forecast to see
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: when I could suck some dick. You know, I was like,
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: God damn, what's next, Christmas? Shit. But I've been going
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: to the doctor. I've been taking care of myself. I've
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: also been going to the doctor for my mental health, because,
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: you know, mental health is important.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Because I don't know about y'all, but I've been going
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: through this thing where everybody good news get on my
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: damn nerves. Yeah, every time I get on Facebook, I
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: just wish they had a thumbs down button and shit,
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: you know? Like, every time I get on there, one
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: of my friends get a new job. I'm like, ugh.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: Another one of my friends have a baby.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: I'm like, ugh.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: Another one of them bitches get engaged. I'm like, ugh,
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: I hope he cheat on.
• 4:57
  Speaker 8: You, bitch.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: I said, you know what, Shima, that ain't right. Let
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: me go to the doctor. So I went to the
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: doctor and she put me on this medication called Welbutrin.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: I don't know if y'all familiar with Welbutrin or not. Oh, okay,
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: there's a couple of crazy bitches in here too, okay. Well,
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: if y'all don't know what Welbutrin is, Welbutrin is a
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: mood stabilizer. So it just makes you happy all the time.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: So now I'm just hating everybody with a smile on
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: my face and shit. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Oh, I'm doing
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: so much better. But believe it or not, I've been
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: dealing with mental health for a minute. When I was
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: in the sixth grade, my mama put me in a
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: mental hospital for three months. Yeah, and for some bullshit, too.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: She put me in charter hospital for three months. Oh,
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: because I had wrote a note that said I was
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: going to kill the teacher. I wasn't really going to
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: kill the teacher. The bitch didn't let me sit by
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: my friend. I wrote that bitch a note that said,
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: I'm going to kill your ass. So yeah, she put
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: me in Charter Hospital. I don't know if y'all remember Charter,
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: but the commercials used to come on. If you don't
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: get help at Charter, please get help somewhere. Yeah, I
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: was in that bitch for three months, low-key excelling for real.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I was semi-cool out here at Charter Hospital.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: That was the shit. Because you graduate in levels of fruit.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: I'll never forget. You go from like apples to oranges
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: to grapes. And I remember grapes graduate. And it would
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: take some kids months, maybe even a year to get
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: to a grape. I was like a grape in like
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: three days or some shit. Yeah. And they used to
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: have all these counseling sessions. I remember they used to
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: have all these counseling sessions with all the kids and
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: all the counselors. And there was this one boy, he
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: used to beat himself up real bad. And I swear
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: to God, all the counselors used to be telling the
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: other kids, be like Ashima, do what Ashima's doing. Because
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: I used to be in the corner with my arms
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: folded up, looking around like, these motherfuckers crazy as hell.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: I used to help the nurses give out medication at
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: the end of the night. By the time my mama
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: came and got me, I wasn't even ready to go.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: I was like, bitch, I'm a nurse practitioner up in here.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: Get your ass. I'm about to be a doctor in
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: two weeks. I'm doing very well for a sixth grader, bitch. Nurse,
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: get this bitch before we admit your ass. Hell yeah,
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: that's a true story like a motherfucker. I flew down here,
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: I flew down here. I had to fuck around here
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: and take one of them cheap-ass airlines. Y'all ever did
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: that shit? Like the Frontier Spirit Airlines? Oh God, it's
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: the worst, right? Oh my Lord, it's just ain't nobody
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: got they shit together, you know? It's the bonnets and
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: the pajama pants. Ain't nobody got the proper carry-on bags.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: You know, the thing is, I don't like being around
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: poor people. That's what it is. Yes, and I really
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: don't like to be around poor white people, you know? Oh, yeah,
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: you know you around some poor people when you see
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: some poor white people. You know, that's just the poorness
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: of all poorness. Even white people don't like to be
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: around poor white people. You ever look at the white
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: white people, look at poor white people? They look at
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: them like they confused, like they don't understand how they
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: got so poor and shit, you know? Like, y'all ain't
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: have no slaves?
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: What the fuck?
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: It's... Yeah, ain't nobody got the proper carry-on bags. The
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: kids on Frontier, they be sick, they nose be running
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: and shit. Yes, I'm bougie by just small things like
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: airlines and hotels. Because see, Delta, you don't have them
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: kind of problems. Mm-mm, everybody got the right carry-on bags.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: The people are not poor, no. And them kids on Delta,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: they ain't running nose, they ain't sick, they on they
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: laptops eating a Biscoff, drinking coffee, you know what I mean?
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: I'm sure you're taking care of business. And the white
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: people on Delta, they are not poor. No, they not.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: They racist, yes. And them the type of white people
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: I like to be around and shit. Cause I'm just
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: as racist as they ass, God damn it. Hell yeah,
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: I'm from Mobile, Alabama. I am black, but I got
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: the heart of a mean old white lady. We don't
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: like nobody. I love to get on the plane and
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: sit next to a Karen. I be like, who the
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: hell these niggas? Who left them on here? Oh Lord,
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: here comes some poor white people. You got a mask. Ooh,
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: that's also a true story. Okay. There's a couple of
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: big niggas in the crowd. Look at all they ain't
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: got all the big niggas in here. And they got
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: all the niggas look like him and shit. And ladies,
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: don't be sleeping on them big niggas. It be dick
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: under the belly. It's dick under that belly, ain't it?
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: Hell yeah, it's dick under that belly. Look at him,
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: don't know he big and shit. Yeah, nigga, you big.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: He looking on DoorDash and shit. Ain't got no crab
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: claws in here. Ladies, don't be sleeping on them big niggas.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: It be dick under the belly, don't it? Hell yeah,
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: it's dick under that belly.
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: Ain't it?
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: Hell yeah, dick might be a little sticky, might smell
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: like Cinnabons, but I like Cinnabons, you know? It was
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: so funny, last time I was fucking a big nigga,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: the dick was good, but the nigga was so heavy,
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: I couldn't even hold on, I was grunting the whole time.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: Whole time the big nigga was fucking me, I was.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: The dick is good, but it feel like I'm holding
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: up a washing machine. If you could just take a
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: load of clothes out your dick, nigga. Dick feel like
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: you washing quilts today. This is a blue jean dick
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: day I see. I thought I was gonna come up
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: here and find me a man.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Look at all.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: These old, they got old fat niggas, okay. My name
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: is Ashima Franklin, thank y'all so much.
• 10:43
  Speaker 7: Y'all better show some love for Ashima Franklin. There's some
• 10:49
  Speaker 7: dick under this belly. Whole bunch of it, too. I
• 10:58
  Speaker 7: just hope she don't sound like that when she's getting
• 11:00
  Speaker 7: fucked on. That was a crazy sound. She's like.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Couldn't even enjoy the dick. This nigga.
• 11:18
  Speaker 7: I'd be like, give me my motherfucking pants. This is
• 11:24
  Speaker 7: like a garbage truck that won't start. Y'all ready for
• 11:33
  Speaker 7: the next comedian to start making some noise right now?
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: More than that.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: More than that.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: How you guys doing tonight?
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: It's good, babe.
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: It's good.
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: It's a big night for me.
• 11:55
  Speaker 8: So I just found out Ashima likes to fuck younger guys,
• 11:58
  Speaker 8: so fingers crossed.
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: Well, here we go. How you doing?
• 12:04
  Speaker 8: I'm excited to be here. I got a haircut for this.
• 12:07
  Speaker 8: That was a mistake. It was a big mistake. I
• 12:11
  Speaker 8: got in a fight with my barber right before he
• 12:12
  Speaker 8: did it to me. And my barber's Puerto Rican, and
• 12:15
  Speaker 8: he looked at me.
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: I had long hair. And he was like, you look
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: like white Jesus. And I was like, we just call
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: him Jesus. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I'm kidding.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: Just kidding. Sorry. No, I'm kidding.
• 12:26
  Speaker 8: I don't have an opinion on whether or not Jesus
• 12:29
  Speaker 8: was white right now, especially right now.
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: But I.
• 12:34
  Speaker 8: Do think it's funny that nobody ever asked what race
• 12:36
  Speaker 8: the devil was, you know?
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: You know what I mean? Like, we're all on the
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: same page. Devil's a white guy, guaranteed, right?
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: Like, I.
• 12:43
  Speaker 8: And I can see confused white faces looking back at
• 12:46
  Speaker 8: me right now.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: I promise.
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: Everybody else knows it's us, okay?
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: And we are.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: We're usually the last ones to find out.
• 12:52
  Speaker 8: And that's actually the premise of every single demon possession movie.
• 12:56
  Speaker 8: It's always just, like, a 14-year-old little white girl just
• 13:00
  Speaker 8: doing demon shit, you know?
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: There's, like, fucking owls following her to school, just like,
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: you know, and her.
• 13:06
  Speaker 8: And her whole goofy white family's just like, gee golly,
• 13:09
  Speaker 8: what's gotten into Susan, you know? She's like writing in
• 13:13
  Speaker 8: blood and Latin on the walls and her mom's making
• 13:15
  Speaker 8: excuses like it must be her anxiety.
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 13:19
  Speaker 8: And then it just has to cut to like a
• 13:21
  Speaker 8: 78-year-old black neighbor who's like, that bitch is the devil,
• 13:23
  Speaker 8: you know? And then we're all.
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: On the same page after that.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 13:28
  Speaker 8: There's nothing scarier than a white child that is peak feared,
• 13:31
  Speaker 8: you know? You see one on the edge of the woods,
• 13:33
  Speaker 8: you're like, what the fuck is that?
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: All right, shit.
• 13:36
  Speaker 8: Even me, you know what I mean? They're just like,
• 13:37
  Speaker 8: fucking get back in there. I don't care if you
• 13:39
  Speaker 8: are lost, you know?
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: I'm not fucking doing that, you know?
• 13:43
  Speaker 8: It's because a white child's scared. That's why the devil
• 13:46
  Speaker 8: doesn't possess black children, you know? I don't have any
• 13:49
  Speaker 8: data on that. I'm sorry, I don't know. I have
• 13:53
  Speaker 8: no idea if that's true. I've just never seen Tyler
• 13:55
  Speaker 8: Perry presents Medea Does an Exorcism, so I.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: Think that that is... I think that that's true.
• 14:01
  Speaker 8: It's just because the devil isn't scared.
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: I think it's white moms. That's who I blame it on.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: I think it's white moms.
• 14:07
  Speaker 8: Because I was in the grocery store the other day,
• 14:09
  Speaker 8: and there was a little kid in front of me,
• 14:10
  Speaker 8: and he was, like, touching all of this shit. And
• 14:12
  Speaker 8: I was like, fucking knock it off. You know, I
• 14:14
  Speaker 8: tried to, like, do that to him. And he, like,
• 14:16
  Speaker 8: looked back at me, and he was like, I'm the devil,
• 14:17
  Speaker 8: you know? And then his mom was like, oh, I'm
• 14:20
  Speaker 8: so sorry. He hasn't been himself lately. And I'm like, yeah,
• 14:23
  Speaker 8: he's the antichrist. Like, he just told you. Like, that
• 14:26
  Speaker 8: wouldn't fly for a black mom, you know? Like, I've
• 14:28
  Speaker 8: never had a black mom, but I've seen them.
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: Like, that's not.
• 14:32
  Speaker 8: Like, if a black mom came home and there was just, like,
• 14:34
  Speaker 8: a child upside down, like, I'm the devil, I'm the devil,
• 14:36
  Speaker 8: she'd be like, I don't care who you are.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: Get your feet off the damn ceiling, you know? Like, that's...
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: Start there, you know?
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: Okay, that was it.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: That was a tough one. We had to get through
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: that one together. It was like, how much do I
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: do the voice? You know what I mean? I think
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: that was the right amount, so we're good, but... No, no,
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: I'm progressive.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: Not like too progressive, you know, but like a little bit.
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean?
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: You don't want to be too progressive as a white guy.
• 15:05
  Speaker 8: Okay, you ever like watch like a white guy try
• 15:07
  Speaker 8: to be like too progressive and starts freaking you out
• 15:09
  Speaker 8: a little bit, you know? Like Joe Biden was the
• 15:12
  Speaker 8: king of it, you know? Because he was trying his best.
• 15:14
  Speaker 8: He was trying to be progressive. But like at the
• 15:15
  Speaker 8: end of the day, that was an 80-year-old white guy.
• 15:18
  Speaker 8: And it was just like a software update that didn't take,
• 15:20
  Speaker 8: you know? But he had, like, all these 23-year-old staffers
• 15:25
  Speaker 8: trying to give him, like, new terms he was supposed
• 15:27
  Speaker 8: to use, and then he'd get up on stage, and
• 15:29
  Speaker 8: the lights would come on, and he'd forget all of it,
• 15:31
  Speaker 8: and he'd just be like, ah, we need immigrants, man.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: They're delicious.
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: And you're like, oh, my God, Joe, stop, you know?
• 15:38
  Speaker 8: And then he'd start telling a story that nobody understood,
• 15:40
  Speaker 8: and he was like, no, I used to have a
• 15:41
  Speaker 8: lot of black friends, you know? They used to call
• 15:44
  Speaker 8: me white boy, and I'd call them, ah, never mind.
• 15:46
  Speaker 8: And you're like, oh, my God, Joe, shut the fuck up,
• 15:48
  Speaker 8: you know? But that's, you know, that's just how that works.
• 15:52
  Speaker 8: You gotta just, you gotta just let, you gotta let that,
• 15:54
  Speaker 8: this is, like, an older generation. You can't fix that,
• 15:56
  Speaker 8: you know? You just gotta leave that where it's at, right? Because, like,
• 15:59
  Speaker 8: people think, like, progress, people think progress works by, like,
• 16:02
  Speaker 8: changing people's minds.
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: That's not what happens. They just die, and then we
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: move on.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: Like, you don't change people's minds. They just die.
• 16:10
  Speaker 8: Like, I saw it happen with my dad. I would
• 16:12
  Speaker 8: try to help my dad be progressive. And my dad,
• 16:14
  Speaker 8: my dad was a carpenter for 50 years, okay? He
• 16:17
  Speaker 8: didn't go to college. He didn't even graduate high school.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: But, like, when I.
• 16:20
  Speaker 8: I went to college and then I would come home
• 16:22
  Speaker 8: and I would try to teach my dad like college shit.
• 16:24
  Speaker 8: And I remember we got into a cab one day
• 16:26
  Speaker 8: and my dad looked at the cab driver and he goes,
• 16:28
  Speaker 8: where are you from? And I was like, dad, I
• 16:31
  Speaker 8: can't say where are you from anymore. That's a microaggression.
• 16:35
  Speaker 8: And my dad just goes, all right, well, where is
• 16:39
  Speaker 8: this smell from? And that is way worse.
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 16:45
  Speaker 8: I had just exchanged a microaggression for a macroaggression. And
• 16:49
  Speaker 8: then I tried to apologize to the driver, and then
• 16:51
  Speaker 8: the driver called me gay.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: So, like, I don't know.
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: I.
• 16:55
  Speaker 8: Don't know what's happening there. I can see a couple
• 16:58
  Speaker 8: of you get mad at me right there. I can
• 17:00
  Speaker 8: see a few of you got mad. I saw you
• 17:02
  Speaker 8: guys start doing, like, in your head, you started doing
• 17:04
  Speaker 8: racist math. Like, I think that joke was racist. And
• 17:07
  Speaker 8: I just want to point out that I did not
• 17:10
  Speaker 8: name a race. So whichever race you pictured for the
• 17:14
  Speaker 8: cab driver, that's on.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: You, okay? That's a you thing. All right, I've been
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: Matt Deakins. You guys have been a lot of fun.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: I got to get out of here.
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: Thank you guys so much.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Y'all make some noise for Matt motherfucking Deakins!
• 17:30
  Speaker 7: Black people, I don't know if you heard that, but
• 17:31
  Speaker 7: he said, stop trying to make them not be racist
• 17:34
  Speaker 7: and just let them die.
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: That's crazy.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: We out here trying to heal the world.
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: He was like, fuck them, it's too late.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: I didn't even say that.
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: That was some Garvey shit.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: He said, Jesus Christ. Black Jesus Christ. All right, I'm
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: bringing the next comic up right now.
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: The energy is crazy in here.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Make some noise right now. Make some noise right now.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Make some noise right now.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Let me tell you something.
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: That was so beautiful, man. Listen, thank y'all.
• 18:20
  Speaker 9: Listen, I've been in y'all city for a day now,
• 18:23
  Speaker 9: and when I tell you some of the most beautiful
• 18:26
  Speaker 9: women in the world here.
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: Y'all felt like y'all didn't believe what I was just saying.
• 18:39
  Speaker 6: It's confidence out here.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: I ain't never seen nowhere else in the world.
• 18:43
  Speaker 9: I've been here 24 hours, I done seen.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: So many half shirts.
• 18:49
  Speaker 9: And full stomachs, nigga. When I say they don't give
• 18:54
  Speaker 9: one fuck.
• 19:02
  Speaker 6: And is.
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: They out here built like Drewski, dog.
• 19:13
  Speaker 9: My favorite thing now, I be saying, I like when
• 19:16
  Speaker 9: the women wear the waist beads.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: You ever see the waist beads?
• 19:19
  Speaker 9: They out here just wasting beads.
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: You ever see?
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: You ever see?
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: They out here shaped like Saturn.
• 19:33
  Speaker 9: If you don't know about the waist beads, women put
• 19:35
  Speaker 9: these HDMI cords around their waist. Now the point of
• 19:39
  Speaker 9: them is, if you lose weight, the beads loosen up
• 19:42
  Speaker 9: like this.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: But if you gain weight, the beads.
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: Get tied in your ass like.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I said, you know what else do that?
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: Bitch, clothes.
• 19:55
  Speaker 9: Your shirt will tell that same story. You don't need
• 19:57
  Speaker 9: all this equipment. When you need help taking your shirt off,
• 20:01
  Speaker 9: it's time to go to the gym. When you pull
• 20:03
  Speaker 9: your shirt up halfway and then have somebody pull it
• 20:05
  Speaker 9: up like.
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: Man, man, come take that shirt off your mop. You
• 20:13
  Speaker 6: got somebody, you gotta keep them.
• 20:15
  Speaker 9: That's what the game is right now.
• 20:16
  Speaker 6: You got somebody at home, that's men's problem.
• 20:19
  Speaker 9: Men always think they can do better. Men always say
• 20:22
  Speaker 9: stuff like, if I didn't have her, I'd have all
• 20:25
  Speaker 9: these hoes. You ain't have no hoes when you met her.
• 20:31
  Speaker 9: You tricked one woman to believe in you and now
• 20:33
  Speaker 9: you think you got options? We in a podcast generation, man.
• 20:40
  Speaker 9: We used to get advice from our uncles, granddad, dad,
• 20:44
  Speaker 9: the OGs, not no more. Now they just listen to podcasts.
• 20:48
  Speaker 9: My boy listened to the podcast. Now he talk like
• 20:51
  Speaker 9: the podcast. He told me he a high value man.
• 20:59
  Speaker 9: So he need a high value woman. He work at Walmart.
• 21:10
  Speaker 9: I said you a great value man. Get you a
• 21:21
  Speaker 9: great value woman, you know what I'm saying? Find you
• 21:23
  Speaker 9: a rollback price bitch and never look back. They think
• 21:30
  Speaker 9: it's sweet out here and it's not. Everybody look good
• 21:32
  Speaker 9: on the Instagram till you get to they house and
• 21:35
  Speaker 9: they ain't got no furniture. I met a girl on Instagram,
• 21:39
  Speaker 9: she said she wanted to cook.
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: Dinner for me.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: I get to the house, she ain't have no dishes.
• 21:44
  Speaker 9: She brought my food on the plate that's supposed to
• 21:47
  Speaker 9: stay in the microwave.
• 21:48
  Speaker 5: This plate right here, dog. I said, who eat off
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: this plate?
• 21:56
  Speaker 9: She said, this spaghetti tastes like popcorn butter. Y'all think
• 22:04
  Speaker 9: when Dee Dee get out, he gonna throw another party?
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: You think so?
• 22:07
  Speaker 9: Then he gonna be right back on this right here
• 22:09
  Speaker 9: when he get home? Who he gonna invite to the party?
• 22:13
  Speaker 9: He can't invite his old friends. They didn't stand up
• 22:16
  Speaker 9: for him when he went down. Every celebrity said the
• 22:18
  Speaker 9: same thing. I was at the party, but I went
• 22:21
  Speaker 9: home early.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Who stayed?
• 22:25
  Speaker 9: It was a thousand bottles of oil. Somebody spent the night.
• 22:29
  Speaker 9: I went home early in.
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: The morning, nigga, with a record deal and a secret.
• 22:37
  Speaker 9: That whole case let me know everything we thought was
• 22:39
  Speaker 9: cool ain't cool. Stuff you thought was legal ain't legal.
• 22:42
  Speaker 9: I don't take no chances. You going to jail for everything.
• 22:46
  Speaker 9: I was in the car with this girl. She tried
• 22:47
  Speaker 9: to give me head. I said, no, bitch, that's sex trafficking.
• 22:53
  Speaker 9: Put your seatbelt on. You trying to get a real
• 22:55
  Speaker 9: nigga locked up. Clicking a ticket, bitch. God bless y'all.
• 23:00
  Speaker 9: Lance Woods, thank y'all.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Hey man, one more time for Lance Woods.
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: Hell yeah. That boy said, that's sex trafficking. That's hilarious.
• 23:23
  Speaker 7: Man, I saw this thing in this magazine. It said,
• 23:26
  Speaker 7: if you lose 10 pounds of weight, you get an
• 23:28
  Speaker 7: inch of dick.
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: You laughing, this shit is serious.
• 23:34
  Speaker 7: Every man in here was like, I could add some steps.
• 23:38
  Speaker 7: I might go away to 60 pounds. I'm gonna kill somebody.
• 23:45
  Speaker 7: Six new inches of dick?
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: That's crazy.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: Brand new, what would you do?
• 23:52
  Speaker 7: You woke up tomorrow, six brand new shiny, air hasn't
• 23:55
  Speaker 7: hit it yet, new dick.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: He was like, not her.
• 24:02
  Speaker 8: Hilarious.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: What would you do, Mr. White Man, looking like Clark Kent?
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: What would you do? You woke up tomorrow. You flip
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: up the.
• 24:09
  Speaker 7: Blanket and you see a whole bunch of dick that
• 24:12
  Speaker 7: you did not have before. It's whatever you got already,
• 24:15
  Speaker 7: that part's white. Then there's a new six inches of
• 24:18
  Speaker 7: black dick right there on you.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: Like an Oreo with one top missing. What you gonna,
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: what's the first thing you gonna do? Pass out? It's like,
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: my credit. We got an Asian man.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: What would you do?
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: You woke up tomorrow with a seven inch dick.
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: Did y'all do the math?
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: Like, wait a minute. You mean his original dick is
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: only one inch?
• 24:51
  Speaker 7: I'm bringing the next comic up. Let's get that energy up.
• 24:53
  Speaker 7: Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. This ain't
• 24:56
  Speaker 7: just a comedy, comrade. This is like my motherfucking brother
• 25:00
  Speaker 7: all the way from Chicago, Illinois. Y'all start showing your
• 25:03
  Speaker 7: love right now for Tony Baker!
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: The energy is amazing.
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: In this bitch. It's volcanic out here. Y'all live too
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: damn close to an active volcano. What the fuck y'all
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: doing out here? Mount Rainier is active. I can't live
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: that close. If I can see it with the naked eye,
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: it's too close. The volcano let you know it's about
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: to bust off. It be giving you signs and y'all
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: don't listen. Volcano be like, you.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Good, you good?
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: Y'all better leave. Y'all better take a trip. Got to
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: have sack to live next to a volcano. I ain't
• 25:48
  Speaker 5: got it, man. I'm 48 and proud of it, man.
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: I'm proud.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: 48 years of age.
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: Ain't no shame. A lot of people ashamed of their age, man.
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: You let them wrinkles flourish. Let that coochie dry up, man.
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: Come on. Let that dick be on the soft. Let
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: them balls hang. Let them get long, man. Let them
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: balls sit on your knees and hush. I bought my
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: first house ever at the age of 47, man.
• 26:17
  Speaker 8: 47.
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: It took me 47 years to get that crib, man.
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: You move different when you got the mortgage now. You
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: want to fuss more in the community. You want to
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: talk more shit. You can't be a nuisance when you're
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: just renting. They'll get your ass up out of there.
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: When you own that shit, that's when you outside. That's
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: when you fussing at the kids. I couldn't wait till
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: I could fuss at the kids.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Get off my grass, kids.
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: I'm sick of these kids in the community. I'm outside
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: for no reason.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: Get your black ass off my grass.
• 26:51
  Speaker 5: Kids don't even be outside no more. I'm just yelling
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: at birds. Kids need to come back outside so I
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: can fuss. I've been waiting for this. In the 80s,
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: we stayed outside.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: We was outside. No plan, no agenda, no script.
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: Well, you going outside for what? We figured it out
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: when we got there. And I'm a nosy neighbor, man.
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: I'm in your business. I am in your business. Round
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: of applause if you a nosy neighbor. Round of applause.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: A lot of y'all lying. Don't sit up in here
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: and lie. You mean to tell me if there's some
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: police lights outside.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: You ain't gonna peek?
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: You ain't gonna be looking at that curtain? Oh, shit, man.
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: I knew there was something going on over there.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: You ain't looking?
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: You a goddamn liar.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: You better look.
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: I get minding your business. I said nosy, not meddling.
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: There's a difference. I don't meddle in your business. I
• 27:48
  Speaker 5: just want to know what's going on and why. Like
• 27:51
  Speaker 5: I want to be the one to be like, yeah,
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: they're having a party next door. You know what I'm saying?
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: The youngest son, they didn't think he was going to
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: graduate on time, but he took a tutoring program down
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: there on fifth and they got him right. So he's
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: going to graduate on time. They celebrating that. That's what
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: they doing. I just want to know why you're having
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: the party. And it's cool minding your own business, but
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: you can't mind your own business too much. Because I'm
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: sick of seeing documentaries about serial killers and the neighbors
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: had no fucking clue. That's because you wasn't in their business.
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: How you going to let somebody kill 28 people on
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: your goddamn watch?
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: I never knew.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: Man, you should have been on that. Jeffrey Dahmer would
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: have hated me as a neighbor. I be like, Jeff, man, how.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Many dudes you bringing.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Home, man?
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: I don't never see these dudes leave.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Jeff!
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: Hey, watch out for Jeff, man. I don't be seeing
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: the dudes leave, man. I'm outside like.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Jeff, man. Wild night, huh, Jeff?
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: Where your boy at? Where he go? Jeff, why you
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: be hauling them trash bags out at three in the morning?
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: Why you be doing this at three in the morning?
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: How come you don't ask for no help?
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: Jeff!
• 29:02
  Speaker 9: Jeff!
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Jeff!
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: Jeff would get one victim on my goddamn watch. He'd
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: be like, fuck, my neighbor, man. He's up my ass.
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: Y'all better be in that business. I just hate houses now.
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: They're too modern, man. They're trying to do away with
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: the front porch. The front porch, you can't be nosy
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: with no porch. Everybody want the little rocks in the
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: front and then the little walkway. Where's the porch? That's
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: when you can get maximum nose going. Because you just
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: be hanging out on the porch, just enjoying life, but
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: you're really in everybody's business.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: I'm saying? You got to put in that porch work.
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: You got to put in that porch work. You got
• 29:44
  Speaker 5: to be out there when ain't nothing going on to
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: establish yourself as that porch person. Because if you only
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: go out there with some shit going down, they're going
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: to know you being nosy. Like, they out there arguing,
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: you be like, you coming out there watering that dead-ass plant?
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: I see your nosey ass, get in the house.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, shit, what's up?
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: But if you out there all the time, they include
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: you in the business. That's where you want to be.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: They be like, I know you been cheating on me.
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: Tony saw you get dropped off.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: I did see her get dropped off. Every time you
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: go out of town, she homework, husband, drop her off. Yeah,
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: it's real out here. Where them kids at? All right, y'all,
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: I'm Tony Baker, man. Thank y'all so.
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: Much.
• 30:34
  Speaker 7: Y'all show some more love for Tony Baker.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: He braver than me.
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: He talking about, Jeff, where you going?
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I would have been quiet. He was only eating black people.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I look delicious.
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: Look at me.
• 30:55
  Speaker 7: Jeff would have been like, God damn. Sweet baby raisin, nigga.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I just love when I mix the two of them.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: One more time for Tony Baker, man.
• 31:07
  Speaker 7: Y'all make some noise for this episode's comedians.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Ashima Franklin, Matt Deakins.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Lance Woods, and Tony Baker!
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: That's our.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: Episode for this week. We'll see you next week, y'all.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Tune in!