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Narcissists get worse when you leave · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So narcissist absolutely get worse when you leave them and
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  that look that's me speaking from experience.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. I have been left before.
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  I've gotten worse when those relationships have ended.
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  When people have left me, I've gotten worse especially if they
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  try to come back. That's what we're talking about
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  today y'all. How narcissistic people, if you
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  are the one that leaves them, how they will absolutely get
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  worse with you. They will have yo absolutely
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  y'all heard what I say absolutely like that I mean it.
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  They will absolutely find a way to get worse to disrupt your
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  life, to disrupt your peace. This is the mentality, this is
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  the mindset of narcissistic people.
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  Like we all know. I think we all should know.
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  If you don't, if we don't know now we know that narcissistic
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  people have huge, huge egos. Like the ego.
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  So damn, the ego so big is insane, right?
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  So when you hurt my feelings, when you break my heart, when
• 1:02
  you leave me, you're going to crack my ego.
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  You might cause a narcissistic injury.
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  You might damn near cause a narcissistic collapse.
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  You know, I feel like I know people won't ask like, well,
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  Lee, what's the difference between a collapse and an
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  injury? An injury, It's kind of like,
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  you know, man, I hurt my leg. I pulled my hamstring the other
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  day running at the track. That's an injury.
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  That's a narcissistic injury. You hurt me, hurt my ego a
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  little bit, right? A collapse is when my ego is
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  destroyed. Isn't that now my body Now I'm I
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  broke every bone in my body right now I can't move.
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  That's a collapse like so when you leave a narcissist,
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  sometimes you can call it a narcissist to collapse,
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  especially if it ruins their reputation, if it destroys their
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  ego. This is why I recommend that if
• 1:45
  you do decide to leave a narcissist, you going back is
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  you going back. It will get worse.
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  Sometimes it gets better at first will leave.
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  When I went back, they started to treat me good at first.
• 2:00
  Yeah. Yo, think about this right here.
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  Anybody can be on their best behavior for a short period of
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  time. Anybody can act right when they
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  had, when it, when their when their foot, when their feet are
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  against the fire. Anybody can behave for a little
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  while to get you back in their life, right?
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  Anybody can do that. That's not me making it up.
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  Anybody can do that. Anybody can behave and act
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  correctly for a little while while things are, while you're
• 2:25
  working on things that that that's not, that's not out of
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  the ordinary. They act, right to get you back
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  in. They promise you to change.
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  They promise you that. They promise to do better.
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  They promise to go above and beyond for the relationship,
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  right? They promise to try to make it
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  work. They want to do whatever it
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  takes, right? I'll do whatever it takes to
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  keep you from leaving, to keep you here with me.
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  I'll do whatever it takes, I promise you.
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  And then whatever it takes is done for a little while, they
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  rope you back in and then all of a sudden it's mask off again.
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  They will get worse. And yeah, narcissists are
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  sometimes like elephants, right y'all?
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  You ever hear the phrase an elephant never forgets?
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  A narcissist doesn't forget either.
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  It's like when you crack my ego. Yeah, man.
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  Matter of fact, think about it like this.
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  When you crack my ego, you leave marks on me.
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  I know a lot of y'all have seen the K pop Demon Hunters movie on
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  Netflix right? If you haven't, go watching this
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  amazing movie. Great.
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  Best part of the best soundtrack of all time for a movie right?
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  One of the if not the best. But go watch that.
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  One of the main characters, spoiler alert, has these marks,
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  has markings. That's how the narcissist's ego
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  is. The narcissist's ego maintains
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  those marks. When you crack my ego, when you
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  break my heart, when you hurt my feelings, my ego is going to
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  maintain those markings. You cracked my ego.
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  I'm going to maintain those markings.
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  You hurt me. Now I have to find a way to fix
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  myself. I have to find a way to
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  sometimes get back at you. I have to find a way to rectify
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  this. Right?
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  Am I right? So because you hurt my ego,
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  because you left me, I got to get you back.
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  You see what I'm saying? I have to find a way to get you
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  back. Now I have to retaliate.
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  The only way I can make my ego feel better.
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  Yeah. Getting you back with me.
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  You come back to the relationship.
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  Yeah, that can make me feel better for a little while.
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  But once you get back to me now I got it.
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  I got to get my lick back. So This is why sometimes you'll
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  get a narcissist, right? That you break up with, that you
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  leave. They'll beg and plead for you to
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  come back. They'll treat you good for a
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  little while, and then they'll be the ones that break up with
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  you just so they can tell everybody.
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  No, no, I dumped them. It was me to death.
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  I did the dumping, right? I did the dumping.
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  I dumped you. You didn't dump me.
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  Tell people the truth about what actually happened.
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  You did not dump me. I was the dumper.
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  You were the dumpy. You see what I'm saying?
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  This is, yeah, I'm just saying this is what a lot of
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  narcissists will do. They will absolutely make you
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  feel like some reason that they they, they want to be on top.
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  So they do get worse when you leave them.
• 5:00
  Like, especially if you were like, they just say, and not
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  everybody who has dealt with a narcissist like this, right.
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  Let's just say you have a narcissist that it that that is
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  not coming from a place of wealth, does not have a lot of
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  resources, Right. And you leave them.
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  Yeah. Their life then fell apart.
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  You were holding their life together, right?
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  Their finances were horrible. They didn't have a car, no job,
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  no nothing. Without you, they have nothing.
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  So yes, their life is going to fall apart.
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  Sometimes their emotional lives fall apart, Sometimes their
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  reputation falls apart. So they will absolutely get
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  worse if and when you decide to go back to them.
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  They get worse when you leave. They do.
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  Are we arguing when arguing? No, because you understand that
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  right there, because you hurt my ego.
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  That rejection breeds obsession. Now I become obsessed with
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  fixing my ego with with dulling the pain, with numbing the pain,
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  which is why you see a lot of times you get a lot of
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  narcissistic people that have these alcohol addictions.
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  They get the drug addictions, they get addicted to a lot of
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  different things, right? A lot of this stuff starts to
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  happen. A lot of this stuff starts like
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  sometimes those talk, they'll go find a new supply very quickly
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  and you'll be confused. You'll be like, damn, I thought
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  we were in love. Like you ain't going to wait on
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  me. You give me a chance to rectify
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  anything. You just going to leave?
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  Yeah, they're just going to leave.
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  They're going to take their ball and go home.
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  They're not going to wait on you.
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  Why would they do that? You see what I'm saying?
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  Because I need to feel better right now.
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  I need to feel better right now in this moment.
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  I don't have time to wait to feel better.
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  So in order to feel better, I need somebody else.
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  I need the external validation. So if you leave me and I have no
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  one else, I'm going to go crazy because most narcissists, I
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  don't, I know some people just say, Lee, it's all narcissists.
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  I don't say all narcissists. I try not, I try not to speak in
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  absolutes, but most narcissists, right, well, absolutely like
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  lose their minds if you leave, like I said, because they they
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  need the external validation. Now, is it true that some
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  narcissist don't care? Will, will, will just act like
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  they don't care if you leave? Yes, some of them will
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  absolutely set out to try to hurt your feelings, to make you
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  feel like you are absolutely replaceable, right?
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  They'll make you feel like you are replaceable, like I can
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  replace you at any moment at any time.
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  So you should like you should be gracious that I'm here.
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  You're you're a replaceable person.
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  I can replace you easily. That's the mentality that you
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  get from some narcissists. They'll make you feel
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  replaceable, so they won't reach out to you.
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  Sometimes their egos or even though their egos are cracked or
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  hurt, they won't reach out to you at all.
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  All right, because I know that some people who who watch this
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  video and they'll hear me say that narcissist will go crazy
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  when you leave. They'll stalk you, they'll
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  harass you, but you'll have that narcissistic partner that
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  doesn't do it. And you'll start to attach your
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  worth to the fact your worth WORTH.
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  You'll start to attach your worth to the fact that that
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  they're not reaching out anymore.
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  You'll be like, wait a minute. Well, what?
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  You, they start reaching. You start reaching out now.
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  So, yeah. I what?
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  What can I do, Lee? Was I not worth enough?
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  What? You said that they would Hoover
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  me. You said that they would try to
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  get me back, but they haven't. So is it me?
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  Am I the problem? No.
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  Not every narcissist is the same.
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  Sometimes the egos are so big that even if I'm hurting, I'm
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  not going to reach out. Even if I'm in pain mentally,
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  emotionally, whatever, I'm not going to reach out to you.
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  I would rather you reach out to me.
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  Because guess what happens if you reach out to me?
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  That means I have less to work on.
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  I have less to do. I have less to change.
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  Because now, because you reach out to me, you're telling me
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  that you're OK with everything I put you through.
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  Because otherwise, why would you reach out to me If you're not?
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  Oh, if you're not OK with the behaviors, why else would you
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  reach out to me? Seriously.
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  That's how some narcissists think.
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  That's why sometimes it gets worse when you leave and try to
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  come back. Because now if you come back, it
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  means you're especially if you're the one that reaches out,
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  it means you're OK. What?
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  What I've put you through am I, Am I lying?
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  Is this not how it goes? Seriously, are you not OK with
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  it? Then why'd you come back?
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  If you're not OK, then why would you come back here?
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  If things are not fine, if you're not OK or cool or
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  whatever I have put you do or whatever I have done, why are
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  you here? Again, I'm telling you, this is
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  how the minds of a lot of narcissists work right here.
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  They'll use your presence as an excuse to do worse by you.
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  So before you go back to that narcissistic partner, ask
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  yourself, are you OK with those behaviors?
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  Because if you're the one that reaches out, if you're the one
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  that calls to say, hey, look, I made a mistake, can I come back?
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  Guess what happens in their minds.
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  It's like, OK, well, cool. You really cool.
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  You really are OK with how I treated you Because why else
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  would you be calling me if you were not?
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  This is the break. I'm just telling you, they do
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  get worse when you leave. But this is the the thing right
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  here. You might not see it because
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  sometimes the ego is so big that it means they're not going to
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  reach out to you. And this is what happens when I,
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  when I, I know what I mentioned earlier about them moving on
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  quickly trying to find somebody else.
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  It doesn't mean that they're going to change for the next
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  person. I know right there when I start
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  saying, when I start doing these videos and I say the next person
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  or whatever, so many people get into their head.
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  Well, Lee, that means you're going to be nicer to the next
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  person. They're going to treat the next
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  person better. That's not what that means,
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  y'all. I understand how it, your mind
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  works and you want to find or you want to find a
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  rationalization and you want to heal, you want to grow.
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  I get that, but everything doesn't like it's because they
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  move on fast does not mean they're going to need to get a
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  new supply, a better person. What have they done?
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  Are they working on themselves? Are they in therapy?
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  Is there any type of work being done behind the scenes?
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  Probably not, right? So why are you telling yourself
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  that this person has the ability to change their behaviors?
• 11:11
  Well, Lee, maybe it's me, maybe it's not you, maybe it's them.
• 11:15
  Y'all see I'm dancing around the new camera I got.
• 11:17
  The setup is good now I'm dancing around Mike connected.
• 11:20
  We good in here, we good in here.
• 11:22
  I'm going to get somebody say my background is boring.
• 11:25
  I'm going to get some stuff up here y'all.
• 11:27
  I'm still moving stuff around in the office.
• 11:29
  Come on now. Anyways, y'all hit that
• 11:32
  subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 11:33
  Thank y'all so much for riding with me.
• 11:35
  And as always y'all, as always, let the hill.
• 11:37
  This is out. Peace.