Transcript

YOU ARE ENOUGH!! · Relatables

0:00
Speaker 1: Coming up on relatables.
0:02
Speaker 2: Any relationships, work, relationships, parents, kids, dogs, even every relationship
0:07
Speaker 2: is work, and the sooner you put in the work,
0:10
Speaker 2: the better that relationship is.
0:12
Speaker 1: Fact Broa.
0:24
Speaker 2: The Relatables podcast is hosted by myself, Oddie Clark ak Mummy,
0:28
Speaker 2: and my partner in crime, the my Mustache Combradre Boy,
0:33
Speaker 2: mister Jake Craig aka dad d. All Right, Jake, I
0:37
Speaker 2: wanted to start the podcast today, maybe a little bit differently.
0:41
Speaker 2: We always have a bit of a laugh, but I
0:43
Speaker 2: feel like this is very relatable. Okay, So you know
0:48
Speaker 2: about me, I really really struggle to like feel enough,
0:54
Speaker 2: and I'm always looking for I always i'm looking to
0:57
Speaker 2: be the best, I'm looking to be better, and I
0:59
Speaker 2: always struggle to live in the present moment. And I
1:03
Speaker 2: know you do a little bit, definitely not as much
1:04
Speaker 2: as me, but I do know you're always looking for
1:06
Speaker 2: the next thing as well, and sometimes.
1:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, you do struggle, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah yeah.
1:10
Speaker 2: So I wanted to say that you are enough and
1:14
Speaker 2: I think you're doing great. Thank you, because you just
1:17
Speaker 2: need to hear it sometimes.
1:18
Speaker 1: Did oh to you?
1:19
Speaker 3: Did?
1:20
Speaker 1: I mean right back at?
1:22
Speaker 2: I think so, But sometimes it's just really nice to hear,
1:26
Speaker 2: and like, sometimes you get trapped in your little bubble
1:28
Speaker 2: of you're trying to be better at the gym, you're
1:30
Speaker 2: trying to be better at running, you're trying to be
1:32
Speaker 2: better at work, and then you're just always looking for
1:33
Speaker 2: the next thing that it's just nice to hear it
1:35
Speaker 2: from someone else sometimes.
1:37
Speaker 1: Damn, No, I really appreciate that.
1:38
Speaker 3: Thank you, dude.
1:40
Speaker 1: You Yeah, you definitely feel it way more than I do. Yeah,
1:43
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know you. I definitely would
1:45
Speaker 1: say I would tell someone that I think that, Yeah,
1:47
Speaker 1: you're like one of the hardest workers I know. And shit,
1:49
Speaker 1: that's what. I don't know what it stems from.
1:52
Speaker 2: I've tried to like analyze my life and like I
1:56
Speaker 2: don't know if I was in like a psychology with
1:57
Speaker 2: a psychologist. I think maybe it stems from I've always
2:00
Speaker 2: had to like prove myself in like because I grew
2:04
Speaker 2: up with soccer being my whole life till I was
2:05
Speaker 2: like eighteen, and everything was about like impressing a coach
2:08
Speaker 2: or something like that, and they always my value came
2:11
Speaker 2: from if I was good enough to make a team.
2:14
Speaker 3: Yep.
2:15
Speaker 2: So I wonder if I've always just stemmed from trying
2:17
Speaker 2: to prove myself to someone else. That's where I get
2:20
Speaker 2: my value from. That's my only loge. I'm trying to
2:22
Speaker 2: bring logic into it. That's the only logical explanation I
2:24
Speaker 2: can bring to it.
2:24
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess, I mean that would make sense
2:26
Speaker 1: because if.
2:26
Speaker 2: You got cuter, you weren't good enough. If you got
2:29
Speaker 2: cut you meant you weren't good enough. Whereas I was
2:30
Speaker 2: always trying to be the best, I was trying to
2:32
Speaker 2: be the fittest, I was trying to be the fastest,
2:33
Speaker 2: trying to be the.
2:34
Speaker 1: Best on the ball.
2:34
Speaker 2: I was trying to do that. And I was like,
2:36
Speaker 2: it probably does.
2:37
Speaker 3: There was eighteen years.
2:38
Speaker 2: It was pretty much fifteen years of my life, so
2:39
Speaker 2: it probably does stem a bit further than that.
2:42
Speaker 1: That's probably a good observation. I suppose I was. I
2:47
Speaker 1: kind of stopped. I was really into like ice hockey
2:49
Speaker 1: when I was in Canada, and then when I moved
2:53
Speaker 1: to Australia, I stopped. So I don't I definitely would. Yeah,
2:57
Speaker 1: I don't get it as much like I know, I
3:00
Speaker 1: don't need I don't feel like you need like praise though.
3:06
Speaker 2: No, which is why it's sort of like doesn't work
3:08
Speaker 2: as well. But then I'm also like, is it just
3:10
Speaker 2: my competitive nature because I like to be good at
3:13
Speaker 2: things I do. Yeah, and I go into things like
3:15
Speaker 2: one hundred percent or zero. It's like even like I
3:17
Speaker 2: drink one hundred percent or I drink zero, Like it's
3:20
Speaker 2: the same thing.
3:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no point to drink a zero. No, sorry
3:26
Speaker 1: to like just casually do it. Well. You know what's
3:28
Speaker 1: funny is like the other day when we I guess
3:31
Speaker 1: launched the Facebook group. I think you said like, oh,
3:37
Speaker 1: we're going to have some people to approve, like, well,
3:39
Speaker 1: surely we'll get like five hundred in a day. And
3:42
Speaker 1: I remember, like my mind, maybe I'm a little bit
3:44
Speaker 1: of a pessimist in that area. Like in my mind,
3:47
Speaker 1: I'm like you said, I don't want to set expectations. Yeah,
3:50
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm keeping my expectations low, like I'm
3:53
Speaker 1: expecting a hundred. Yeah, and we got five dred actually yeah,
3:55
Speaker 1: I think I think in twenty four hours we.
3:57
Speaker 2: Got like four eg I think I said to you,
3:58
Speaker 2: I was like, fuck that, yeah you did.
3:59
Speaker 1: I was we're getting five hundred yeah, yeah, yeah you did.
4:01
Speaker 1: You're like fuck that.
4:04
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a big manifest there too. I believe in manifestation,
4:07
Speaker 2: he put something into the world and you're sad enough, yeah,
4:09
Speaker 2: and you do it, it will happen.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
4:11
Speaker 1: I think I must just hate disappointments, to be fair,
4:17
Speaker 1: like I do hate disappointment, but I think it's.
4:19
Speaker 2: Two very different ways in life, and both have their
4:21
Speaker 2: benefits as well.
4:22
Speaker 1: Like I was saying to you just before, how because
4:26
Speaker 1: as everyone knows, we've probably said it times, like we
4:28
Speaker 1: produce and we edit up the podcast and everything, and
4:31
Speaker 1: I do all the clips and already does like everything
4:33
Speaker 1: that's like on Spotify and YouTube and stuff. And so
4:36
Speaker 1: because I do the clips, I post the clips and
4:39
Speaker 1: when I post them on TikTok, for the last like
4:41
Speaker 1: three weeks, I have not seen a single view, so
4:46
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what. I don't know what
4:47
Speaker 1: views and videos are doing, which is like probably a
4:50
Speaker 1: bad thing because it's like I need to know maybe like, oh,
4:53
Speaker 1: this editing isn't really doing it for us right now,
4:56
Speaker 1: but like all this content didn't hit, we won't do
4:59
Speaker 1: that again. Yeah, yeah, like this isn't really doing it
5:01
Speaker 1: for us. But at the same time, I've just been
5:03
Speaker 1: so much more like because I would always check the
5:07
Speaker 1: views of a video, I guess twenty four hours, like
5:09
Speaker 1: I'll post one, go off my phone, go and teach whatever,
5:11
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and then the next way when I
5:13
Speaker 1: post the next video is when I see the views
5:15
Speaker 1: of the video there before, and if it's done shit,
5:17
Speaker 1: I'm like, huh, but.
5:19
Speaker 2: Sort of that's sort of like similar to taking a
5:20
Speaker 2: broad spectrum. We're obviously analyzing our podcast, but like boys
5:25
Speaker 2: and girls, especially on social media, will see a girl
5:28
Speaker 2: who's got millions or hundreds of thousands of followers post
5:31
Speaker 2: a bikini picture and think, fuck why I like that,
5:33
Speaker 2: And we're sort of the same with our views. Yeah,
5:36
Speaker 2: the same thing, And it's just like I don't know.
5:37
Speaker 2: Sometimes you just got to hear bringing it back round circle,
5:40
Speaker 2: like you are enough. Anyone listening you are enough and
5:43
Speaker 2: likes completely normal to not be the best at everything,
5:47
Speaker 2: not be the fittest, not be the sexiest, not be
5:49
Speaker 2: the fucking smartest.
5:50
Speaker 1: It's completely like every single human in the world is
5:53
Speaker 1: like that, Yeah, and it's okaye just to be normal,
5:57
Speaker 1: which like sometimes I struggle to accept, yeah, and to
6:00
Speaker 1: live the normal life. He the thing about the people
6:03
Speaker 1: seeing like say like a girl, a young girl sees
6:06
Speaker 1: a girl. It's like an influencer on the internet. It's
6:09
Speaker 1: been I saw a video, and it's getting really really
6:11
Speaker 1: bad because of the amount of editing that goes into
6:16
Speaker 1: photos that we can't see.
6:17
Speaker 2: Really I've seen, I've saw and edited. I've saw a
6:19
Speaker 2: video like that.
6:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so it's getting it's getting really really bad
6:23
Speaker 1: because it's really difficult to try and hammer into people.
6:27
Speaker 1: Young people especially like that what you see online is
6:32
Speaker 1: very far from the truth, very far.
6:35
Speaker 2: And it's also harder because we platform the zero point
6:38
Speaker 2: zero one percent of good looking people like they're there
6:41
Speaker 2: because they're the sexiest people in the world exactly, and
6:43
Speaker 2: we platform them, which is like, props to you, You've
6:45
Speaker 2: got the best genetics in the world, But I'm stuck
6:47
Speaker 2: over here, tasty white with freckles everywhere. Yeah, you freckle.
6:54
Speaker 1: Then you see even I see like girls like, how
6:55
Speaker 1: the fuck are that tan? What's going on there?
6:57
Speaker 3: It's weird.
6:58
Speaker 1: Ay we're going to get on Milana tan boy.
7:02
Speaker 2: But you also always see like the thing you're self
7:05
Speaker 2: conscious about, yep, Like I immediately see someone's skin color
7:08
Speaker 2: where I'm sure a lot of people will see.
7:10
Speaker 1: People's weight like their tone of or.
7:12
Speaker 2: Dudes will see guys muscle size yep, if they're insecure
7:15
Speaker 2: about that. Some people see height if they're fucking short,
7:18
Speaker 2: like a guy like, fuck he's tall.
7:19
Speaker 1: I wish I was at six for whatever. The brain.
7:22
Speaker 2: I saw a statistic and the brain has like sixty
7:25
Speaker 2: thousand thoughts a day, and like forty five thousand of
7:27
Speaker 2: them are negative, so over half. See, our brain's always
7:31
Speaker 2: just like trying to make us feel bad about ourselves.
7:33
Speaker 2: What Yeah, that's crazy, Holy shit, lovely listeners senterse that,
7:40
Speaker 2: but sorry, I can't remember your name.
7:42
Speaker 3: Oh well.
7:42
Speaker 1: I saw a thing of a podcast clip where someone said,
7:47
Speaker 1: like the voice you hear ninety nine percent of the
7:50
Speaker 1: time is your own, so make it nice. Yeah that's true. Yeah,
7:54
Speaker 1: and I get. And it's kind of stuck with me
7:56
Speaker 1: since you.
7:57
Speaker 2: Know, you're stuck with your thoughts the whole time, like
7:59
Speaker 2: you try. I know it's easier said than done, but
8:01
Speaker 2: if you're if you're constantly consuming, like you looking. I
8:04
Speaker 2: said to my girlfriend sometimes because I've said it on
8:06
Speaker 2: the potty before, like she I said it to her
8:07
Speaker 2: a little not a fight, but she doesn't like the
8:09
Speaker 2: corn flights disagreement about it, Like sometimes she would wake
8:12
Speaker 2: up and be like, fuck, why's my skin like this?
8:13
Speaker 2: Or like whyre's my hair bad? And I said to
8:15
Speaker 2: he us, like why are you saying? That's the first
8:16
Speaker 2: thing you're saying in the morning. And it's a negative
8:18
Speaker 2: connotation towards yourself, like when you either say nothing, which
8:21
Speaker 2: is probably easier, or say like something good about yourself,
8:24
Speaker 2: saying like well, I'm gonna have a good day today,
8:26
Speaker 2: like just simple things like that. You don't know how
8:28
Speaker 2: much it affects you. Yeah, dude, it's hard and it's
8:32
Speaker 2: like even and I'm guilty too, not Yeah, Like I
8:36
Speaker 2: I get up and I look at like we joke
8:38
Speaker 2: about my hairline, and like I.
8:40
Speaker 1: Like my hair is long enough and thick enough to
8:42
Speaker 1: like cover it. And it's like, honestly, like I've seen worse,
8:46
Speaker 1: but I still am like seen worse, Like like I
8:48
Speaker 1: don't think I'm an ugly dude, right, but for some reason,
8:53
Speaker 1: the thing I focused on most is like I got
8:55
Speaker 1: to make that bag so I can go to Turkey
8:57
Speaker 1: and get this shit fixed. Bro, Like that's attack. I'm
9:00
Speaker 1: pretty sure it's only like is it not?
9:01
Speaker 2: Like fifteen K I.
9:03
Speaker 1: Think it's less. I think Turkey is like, you want
9:05
Speaker 1: to do it, you can put on the business man.
9:07
Speaker 1: I'm happy to make you vide go out of it.
9:08
Speaker 1: Oh come, I actually saw that podcast We got the chocolates. Yeah,
9:14
Speaker 1: an Australian company reached out to them and they made
9:17
Speaker 1: a video for this Australian company and they did it.
9:19
Speaker 2: But the thing is, you'd have to wear a hat
9:20
Speaker 2: like six months on the pod you reckon your hairline
9:23
Speaker 2: is literally like red and fucked yeah for so long,
9:26
Speaker 2: and then you have these little baby hairs.
9:28
Speaker 1: That'll wear I'll wear like a like a band down
9:31
Speaker 1: because I feel like a hat will like to rack.
9:33
Speaker 1: I mean, was that what it's called, Because I feel
9:35
Speaker 1: like a hat will like fuck it.
9:36
Speaker 4: Yeah, like carething, we'd have to pre record six months
9:41
Speaker 4: and then like we'll cut and then yeah, so we'll
9:43
Speaker 4: pre record six months worth of episodes, all right, and
9:45
Speaker 4: then and then I'll have the hair in it.
9:49
Speaker 1: And then just after six months, randomly will come to
9:52
Speaker 1: an episode when I've got a shaved head with a
9:54
Speaker 1: perfect hairline, and everyone's gonna be like Brad Pitt, who
9:58
Speaker 1: what like what the fuck? Because the like the amount
10:02
Speaker 1: of thoughts I have of like, I just want to
10:05
Speaker 1: fucking shave my head because I didn't realize how much
10:07
Speaker 1: you thought about this. I think about all the time.
10:09
Speaker 1: I thought you didn't care that much because it's like
10:11
Speaker 1: he shells. I just like don't want to. I got
10:16
Speaker 1: it from my dad. I think it's called a widow's peak,
10:18
Speaker 1: Like I got it from my dad. Yeah, and I
10:21
Speaker 1: just I like I would oh yeah, oh yeah, like
10:26
Speaker 1: he's he's to the point where it's like, just shave it.
10:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, where do you when did that listener?
10:30
Speaker 1: Oh god, there's a photo of him when he's about
10:35
Speaker 1: twenty one and he looks like me so pretty soon.
10:38
Speaker 2: But I reckon, I'm glad you bagged Beth before you
10:41
Speaker 2: look your.
10:41
Speaker 1: Hair, thinking, yeah, you got to keep her now. I
10:46
Speaker 1: would have anyway. I would have anyway. But what I
10:51
Speaker 1: was gonna say, oh, like, if it's a windy day
10:53
Speaker 1: and I forget to wear a hat, all I want
10:55
Speaker 1: to do is that just be like I just wish
10:57
Speaker 1: I could shave my head because it's just going it
10:58
Speaker 1: just annoys me, like in your Facebook, like, I just
11:00
Speaker 1: want to fucking shave my head. Yeah, but I can't
11:02
Speaker 1: do it because it would look bad.
11:04
Speaker 2: So being so conscious, mate, because you are enough and
11:07
Speaker 2: everyone listing is enough. Yes, all your imperfections are enough.
11:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love yourself, girl and boy. All right, guys.
11:20
Speaker 1: Up next is dilemmas. But this is a little bit different,
11:24
Speaker 1: and Jake is I'm in them. I'm in the dark
11:28
Speaker 1: here for no reason in particular, just that I want
11:31
Speaker 1: to do a blind reaction.
11:32
Speaker 2: Really, but I think on Patreon, this is a plug
11:35
Speaker 2: for Patreon. But if you want to go listen, obviously
11:37
Speaker 2: to it. But we got a very interesting dilemma from
11:43
Speaker 2: a young listener who I'm going to plan a second again.
11:46
Speaker 2: And it was asking about her dad and feeling guilty
11:50
Speaker 2: when he was sick about how what is it normal
11:53
Speaker 2: to feel guilty and what she should do? And at
11:56
Speaker 2: the end we gave some advice, and I thought our
11:58
Speaker 2: advice was okay. But at the end he said, why
12:00
Speaker 2: don't we you go and talk to your dad and
12:03
Speaker 2: asked for his opinion.
12:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's what I did.
12:06
Speaker 2: Oh, so I've got a I've miked my dad up.
12:10
Speaker 2: What I've got his opinion on the dilemma, and he's
12:13
Speaker 2: overall opinion on what it's like. So if anyone who
12:16
Speaker 2: doesn't know my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer like
12:18
Speaker 2: two years ago, and this dilemma is sort of working
12:21
Speaker 2: around that.
12:21
Speaker 1: It's a similar thing but not really different health issues.
12:24
Speaker 2: So let's play a dilemma first, talk about a little bit,
12:26
Speaker 2: then I'll play my dad's answer.
12:27
Speaker 1: Fuck, yeah, I do it. I'm keep wow.
12:29
Speaker 2: So this is the dilemma from Patreon, not a relationship dilemma. Hi, boys,
12:34
Speaker 2: absolutely love the pod. It's the only one I listened to.
12:36
Speaker 2: My dilemma is something I was hoping you could help
12:38
Speaker 2: me out with. I thought Ottie specifically might have some
12:41
Speaker 2: insights for me. My dad has always been a bit older.
12:43
Speaker 2: He's sixty three and I'm twenty one. My dad's sixty
12:47
Speaker 2: three and I'm twenty four, pretty close shit, and has
12:50
Speaker 2: struggled with have health issues my entire life, severe arthritis
12:53
Speaker 2: being the main issue causing him to have a lot
12:55
Speaker 2: of pain in his joints, but unfortunately cannot get the
12:57
Speaker 2: medication to help him due to the condition of his heart,
13:01
Speaker 2: which has impacted his ability to stay in shape as such,
13:04
Speaker 2: and he has been overweight my whole life. When I
13:06
Speaker 2: was fifteen, he had a quadriple bypass surgery and survived,
13:10
Speaker 2: but at the time, the doctors and my parents were
13:12
Speaker 2: keeping my expectations low. My dad had mentioned me before
13:16
Speaker 2: that he knows he won't live any older than say,
13:19
Speaker 2: eighty five plus, and over last year I felt overwhelming
13:22
Speaker 2: fear about him dying. I love my dad with my
13:25
Speaker 2: whole heart and has been my rock and my advocate
13:28
Speaker 2: through the hardest times. I don't know how to shake
13:31
Speaker 2: this fear of how to stop feeling guilty when I
13:34
Speaker 2: go on holidays with my friends or hang out with
13:36
Speaker 2: my boyfriend. I lost a good friend when I was twelve,
13:39
Speaker 2: which I think has exacerbated this fear of losing my dad.
13:43
Speaker 2: I'm not sure what to do. I think it's just
13:45
Speaker 2: my anxiety and overthinking, but I wanted some outside opinions
13:49
Speaker 2: because I'm scared if I tell someone about this they'll
13:51
Speaker 2: think I'm crazy. Thanks for your help in advance, Keep
13:54
Speaker 2: up the good work.
13:55
Speaker 1: PS.
13:55
Speaker 2: I started crying whilst writing this because it's the first
13:58
Speaker 2: time I've written this out. So from that dilemma, me
14:02
Speaker 2: and Jake gave our advice like we usually do and
14:05
Speaker 2: you all know, but we ended it with you should
14:08
Speaker 2: just go talk to your dad because everyone's life's different
14:10
Speaker 2: and we don't know what he's going to say.
14:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I mean, I thought your advice was great
14:13
Speaker 1: in the sense of, like you felt the same, but
14:16
Speaker 1: then you were like, but that's just like me feeling
14:19
Speaker 1: that way, Like my dad doesn't feel like that.
14:22
Speaker 2: And it was interesting and my dad said some insightful
14:26
Speaker 2: stuff that we didn't mention, which is cool.
14:28
Speaker 1: I like it.
14:28
Speaker 2: But I thought this was also very interesting because we're
14:31
Speaker 2: getting to the age where, like, no one wants to
14:34
Speaker 2: admit that our parents are ever going to die, but
14:39
Speaker 2: we're seeing the people around us, some parents are getting
14:43
Speaker 2: cancer and anything like that, and they're coming to terms
14:46
Speaker 2: that it might actually happen, and this is the first
14:47
Speaker 2: time it's sort of happened and you had to reassess
14:49
Speaker 2: your relationship. And I thought my dad gave some insightful
14:52
Speaker 2: information just because like he's had cancer for two years.
14:56
Speaker 2: He's in remission now, but like when that life card's
14:59
Speaker 2: on the like it's just there, it is, you don't
15:02
Speaker 2: know how to feel and you don't know how to react,
15:03
Speaker 2: and not many people talk about it. So I thought
15:06
Speaker 2: it would be good to see his perspective.
15:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm keen for this, Okay, So bear with this
15:10
Speaker 1: speakers too, because it's not as good as this pod obviously. Yeah,
15:13
Speaker 1: that's fine.
15:14
Speaker 2: The other day, Dad, we got a dilemma and I
15:17
Speaker 2: gave some advice, and at the end of that advice,
15:20
Speaker 2: I said, talk to your dad, which is probably a
15:23
Speaker 2: really good thing to do, and I thought to myself,
15:25
Speaker 2: I should probably talk to my dad. Someone explained the
15:28
Speaker 2: dilemma and let me know what you think about the
15:30
Speaker 2: advice I gave.
15:31
Speaker 5: All right, fine, how you feeling, I'll listen.
15:36
Speaker 3: You're a bit mate. How are you feeling?
15:38
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm all right, it's so fun.
15:42
Speaker 3: So there was a dilemma on the pod.
15:44
Speaker 2: A young girl was twenty one, and she was explaining
15:47
Speaker 2: that her dad's always been sick and sort of similar
15:52
Speaker 2: to you, a different thing he had like a heart bypass,
15:55
Speaker 2: but he's always been a bit sick and there's been
15:58
Speaker 2: a life expect didn't see put on his life, and
16:01
Speaker 2: he's not going to live as long as other people.
16:04
Speaker 2: And her dilemma was she always felt guilty if she.
16:08
Speaker 3: Wasn't hanging out with him.
16:10
Speaker 2: So from the kid's perspective that whenever she would go
16:14
Speaker 2: traveling or not see him once a week or something,
16:16
Speaker 2: she'd feel really guilty that she wasn't spending quality time
16:18
Speaker 2: with her dad. That was a brief description of dilemma,
16:23
Speaker 2: and my advice was, like, it's pretty natural to feel guilty.
16:26
Speaker 2: And initially when you got like diagnosed with cancer, I
16:29
Speaker 2: lived at Jake's and one of the reasons I came
16:31
Speaker 2: back was money, But also another contributing factor was like
16:35
Speaker 2: I wanted to hang out with you a lot more.
16:37
Speaker 2: And my perception sort of changed a little bit because
16:41
Speaker 2: I think my advice I gave was you'd be happy
16:44
Speaker 2: seeing me live my life rather than just spending quality
16:47
Speaker 2: time with me.
16:50
Speaker 5: Yeah.
16:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also said that you would be busy worrying
16:53
Speaker 2: about your life, not necessarily completely hanging out with me.
16:56
Speaker 2: So I was going to ask you, like, what was
16:58
Speaker 2: your thoughts on our relationship? Did you want anything more
17:03
Speaker 2: out of hanging out with me once you've got diagnosed
17:05
Speaker 2: cancer or anything like that.
17:07
Speaker 5: I'll just I think I'll just generalize rather than I
17:10
Speaker 5: think it applies all round, like to everybody. It's not
17:14
Speaker 5: just what it is between you and mate. But yeah,
17:18
Speaker 5: there's probably two sides to it. You want your child
17:22
Speaker 5: to be getting on with your life, and you want
17:25
Speaker 5: to see them happy, but at the same time, you
17:29
Speaker 5: do want some quality time with them. So I think
17:33
Speaker 5: it's two fold. You can't be feeling guilty about going
17:39
Speaker 5: and doing your own thing, but probably at the same time,
17:42
Speaker 5: if you do your own thing one hundred percent and
17:46
Speaker 5: ignore your parents, you're probably going to have some regrets.
17:50
Speaker 2: I thought a reason that they might feel more guilty too, though,
17:54
Speaker 2: is like my memories of us sort of start around
17:56
Speaker 2: fourteen or fifteen, when my memory is sort of still
17:59
Speaker 2: like remember them like before that, I have little, like
18:02
Speaker 2: little snippets of things, but I can't remember. But I'm
18:04
Speaker 2: sure your memories of me start from when I was born,
18:07
Speaker 2: so you have way more memories. So I feel like
18:09
Speaker 2: that's the reason why they're guilty, because you're trying to
18:11
Speaker 2: jam more time in into it because it feels like
18:12
Speaker 2: you can't remember as much as you can remember.
18:15
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's probably part of it. Yeah, I think if
18:18
Speaker 5: you put the effort into, you put that quality time in.
18:21
Speaker 5: You haven't been given a life expectancy, but they have.
18:24
Speaker 5: So the situation is that you've been given you've both
18:30
Speaker 5: been giving a life expectancy to have a relationship with
18:33
Speaker 5: each other that's going to finish, So how much do
18:37
Speaker 5: you cherish it? And that's sort of if you answer
18:41
Speaker 5: that question, that sort of influences how you.
18:45
Speaker 3: Decis making up, where you go and what you do, because.
18:47
Speaker 5: It's it's a sentence for both of you, because the
18:50
Speaker 5: relationship will be done truncated.
18:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
18:54
Speaker 2: Well, was there anything else you want to have? Our
18:56
Speaker 2: relationship when you first got diagnosed on our.
19:01
Speaker 5: I think it's too complicated. It's like I'm still going
19:04
Speaker 5: through it.
19:06
Speaker 2: But you're happy with the amount of time we spent together. Yeah,
19:09
Speaker 2: we got a bit of we work together, so it's
19:11
Speaker 2: a little bit.
19:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, we work together. That's quality time, but it's a
19:14
Speaker 3: lot of time.
19:15
Speaker 5: I'd probably like to have a good quality trip, to
19:17
Speaker 5: be honest.
19:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, we didn't really get that when you went surfing
19:20
Speaker 3: and I was busy.
19:21
Speaker 5: Yeah I went surfing and you were doing your own stuff.
19:24
Speaker 5: But I respected that, and you know, there may be
19:28
Speaker 5: chances down the track. Yeah, I'll change down.
19:30
Speaker 3: The track definitely. Just got a barley or something.
19:34
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, I've got a few things in mind.
19:36
Speaker 5: It's just a matter of get clearance to go. Yeah,
19:40
Speaker 5: I'll be going regardless. So you know, if you want
19:45
Speaker 5: a camel.
19:46
Speaker 2: Well, thanks dad for that, just a little bit of
19:48
Speaker 2: an insight that helps into your I think it's interesting
19:52
Speaker 2: to see we always talk from the young person's side,
19:55
Speaker 2: giving a perspective from the father or person in the
19:58
Speaker 2: situation with everyone listening, probably those parents who are eventually
20:01
Speaker 2: going to what's happening to you.
20:03
Speaker 5: It's all round, like your parents aren't going to be
20:06
Speaker 5: there forever, whether they're diagnosed or not. You know, you
20:10
Speaker 5: can just take it to a different level sort of
20:14
Speaker 5: based on my experience. I mean, I'm in the early sixties.
20:19
Speaker 5: If you put the effort in and spend the time
20:23
Speaker 5: with your parents, I think you're just going to you're
20:26
Speaker 5: really going to love.
20:27
Speaker 3: That you did it and cherish those memories.
20:30
Speaker 5: Churish memories, and those memories you're going to take with
20:34
Speaker 5: you on your next experiences. Like you're not going to
20:36
Speaker 5: be having sort of flashbacks or setbacks because you didn't
20:40
Speaker 5: do this, you didn't do that. But if you have
20:42
Speaker 5: quality of time with your parents sort of regardless, that's
20:46
Speaker 5: that's what you're going to take with you, and you're
20:48
Speaker 5: going to be a much more positive person and you're
20:51
Speaker 5: going to be sharing that positiveness with the people that
20:54
Speaker 5: you interact with with the next generation. So it's sort
20:58
Speaker 5: of you know, it's not just because someone's got a
21:01
Speaker 5: you know, a bit of a sentence. Yeah, no, Italian,
21:05
Speaker 5: it's about relationships with your parents. Yeah, that's what I think.
21:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think it's just it's hard for any
21:13
Speaker 2: kid to imagine that their father or mom is going
21:17
Speaker 2: to die because they've always been like the rock in
21:18
Speaker 2: their relationship at any point, not cancer, even like eighty ninety.
21:22
Speaker 5: Oh, they've always been there. Like it's youn' it's very,
21:25
Speaker 5: very traumatic. You can't come to terms with it.
21:27
Speaker 2: And now I think everyone who's like turned twenty, twenty five,
21:30
Speaker 2: thirty the first time you've ever had to think about
21:32
Speaker 2: it as like.
21:33
Speaker 3: Someone my age. So it's just like what do I do?
21:36
Speaker 5: Yeah, I reckon just spend the time with them, And
21:39
Speaker 5: I think that's the message, whether they're they're where your
21:43
Speaker 5: parents are diagnosed, they're not there. We're all going down
21:45
Speaker 5: the same path. We're not going to be forever. So
21:48
Speaker 5: spend the time with them, put the effort in, and
21:50
Speaker 5: you you get that back with how you feel and
21:54
Speaker 5: you take and that's part of your persona that you
21:58
Speaker 5: present to your your kids, your your exactly. Yeah, and
22:02
Speaker 5: that's probably good. That's a good message of everyone. Yeah,
22:06
Speaker 5: that's what I would say.
22:07
Speaker 1: I like it.
22:07
Speaker 5: Thanks for coming on, dud cool. All right, I'm going
22:11
Speaker 5: surfing the Java if you want to come by if I.
22:14
Speaker 3: Get you.
22:19
Speaker 1: Know, it's that. I like a few things he said
22:22
Speaker 1: there was sick. Yeah. One of them was that it's
22:25
Speaker 1: not just a sentence for your parent, it's a sentence
22:27
Speaker 1: for you as well, for your relationship. Yeah, because like, yeah,
22:31
Speaker 1: they've gone and you don't have a relationship with them.
22:33
Speaker 2: It's one thing. It's good I had that. It was
22:35
Speaker 2: a little bit like a confronting chat a little bit.
22:38
Speaker 2: It was just like a little bit awkward. I also
22:40
Speaker 2: was recording it, but yeah, it was just weird to
22:43
Speaker 2: sit down and talk to my dad about his and
22:47
Speaker 2: my feelings because like, too's like a son and a
22:50
Speaker 2: father don't really do that.
22:52
Speaker 1: No, I know you're right, they don't.
22:55
Speaker 2: And although it's a terrible thing that happened to dad
22:57
Speaker 2: of cancer, the one benefit that's come out of it
22:59
Speaker 2: is probably a relationship and bonds got a little bit tighter, stronger,
23:03
Speaker 2: and stronger. But I thought it was a great takeaway message,
23:06
Speaker 2: was like, no, matter if your parents are sick or not,
23:09
Speaker 2: I feel like we do take them for granted, even
23:11
Speaker 2: if we have.
23:12
Speaker 1: A great relationship.
23:13
Speaker 2: I bet you every person right now listening is like, fuck,
23:15
Speaker 2: I can probably hang out with my mum or dad
23:17
Speaker 2: more if I wanted.
23:18
Speaker 1: To, dude. One thing that I really like gathered from
23:23
Speaker 1: that was like when you're you know, let's see when
23:29
Speaker 1: when you're when one of your parents dies, right, like,
23:33
Speaker 1: what will you cherish more? Or when you're dying, for instance,
23:37
Speaker 1: what will you cherish more? The time spent with family
23:42
Speaker 1: or that random night out on a Saturday. Literally, like
23:46
Speaker 1: that's the thing is, It's it's funny A.
23:50
Speaker 2: And the thing that like resonated with me too was
23:52
Speaker 2: like you are going to take it like when I
23:54
Speaker 2: have kids, I'm going to be remembering how my dad
23:57
Speaker 2: raised me hopefully if you have good parents, and like
24:01
Speaker 2: I'm going to take that into my fathering and like
24:03
Speaker 2: the relationship we had. Whereas like, like you said, if I'm
24:05
Speaker 2: doing something random like going to a party, like it's
24:08
Speaker 2: all good and well and doing it within the means.
24:10
Speaker 2: But like I think, even like back when I was
24:12
Speaker 2: eighteen and stuff, I was thinking if I didn't have
24:15
Speaker 2: friends to go to the movies with. I wouldn't go,
24:18
Speaker 2: but like I could easily take my mum or my dad.
24:21
Speaker 2: And it's weird, like how like my shifting my brain's
24:24
Speaker 2: obviously happening, and I'm realizing they're more like they're my
24:27
Speaker 2: friends as well, not just my parents. Like they can
24:29
Speaker 2: go just hang out like one we don't have to
24:31
Speaker 2: just plan. Someone can say, Mum, you want to go
24:32
Speaker 2: watch the new Marvel.
24:33
Speaker 1: Movie with me?
24:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she'd come.
24:35
Speaker 1: Even if she didn't like Marvel, she probably would just
24:37
Speaker 1: because she wants to hang out. Yeah, She's like, fuck off,
24:39
Speaker 1: I don't want to see that.
24:41
Speaker 2: But it's still nice to ask, you know who you asked.
24:45
Speaker 2: But I thought it was a very interesting and insightful
24:47
Speaker 2: message from my Dad's a very soft spoken guy, drawn
24:50
Speaker 2: out a bit, but yeah, you know, he's very he's
24:53
Speaker 2: very calculated, a bit like probably where I get it from.
24:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's amazing.
24:56
Speaker 2: I thought it was a good insight to see from
24:59
Speaker 2: the father perspective and someone who's potentially sick as well.
25:02
Speaker 3: Well.
25:02
Speaker 1: It makes me think. So in December, my parents are moving.
25:05
Speaker 1: They're moving a state away. They're moving to the Gold Coast,
25:10
Speaker 1: which is like a ten hour drive or it's an
25:12
Speaker 1: hour flight still like a travel day, I guess regardless,
25:15
Speaker 1: like a full day of travel to get there. And
25:17
Speaker 1: so like if you think about like I'm thinking about it,
25:19
Speaker 1: you know, like if I don't move to the Gold
25:21
Speaker 1: Coast ever, let's say don't move there ever, like I'm
25:24
Speaker 1: only going to see my parents probably like a couple
25:27
Speaker 1: times a year, a couple of times a year, because
25:30
Speaker 1: you know, we get to a stage at life in
25:32
Speaker 1: life like as much like you and I will probably
25:36
Speaker 1: really only get busier. Let's say it will work and
25:40
Speaker 1: then like you know, also they work, they're just going
25:46
Speaker 1: to be you know, normal busyness. It's like they both have.
25:48
Speaker 1: And then they've got my younger brother and sister who
25:50
Speaker 1: are going to be in university or like school still.
25:54
Speaker 1: So like really, if you think about it, if my
25:56
Speaker 1: dad's you know, fifty something and he's gonna for another
26:00
Speaker 1: let's say he's gonna live till his ninety, that's a
26:02
Speaker 1: fair life. Yeah, nine, Like I'm probably only going to
26:06
Speaker 1: see my dad like fucking two hundred more times. And
26:09
Speaker 1: when you feel like when you look at that number
26:11
Speaker 1: seem scary, you're like what Yeah, that's a crazy like
26:15
Speaker 1: like that's stupid. I'm going to see my dad a
26:16
Speaker 1: million more times. Yeah, Like so it's that listening to
26:20
Speaker 1: that conversations made me think, like, you know, although it
26:24
Speaker 1: could cost a bit to go and fly them and
26:27
Speaker 1: see them once a month for a weekend, like at
26:30
Speaker 1: least it's fucking I go stay there. No, it's free
26:32
Speaker 1: accommodation and like you know, when they die, I'll look
26:37
Speaker 1: back and think, yeah, I'd spend fucking double that now.
26:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think because it was very interesting because
26:43
Speaker 2: my what we answered on Patreon was similar.
26:47
Speaker 1: But I think I didn't value I.
26:50
Speaker 2: Didn't value the relationship, but I didn't see how important
26:53
Speaker 2: it would be for the rest of my life as well.
26:56
Speaker 2: Like if that makes sense, Like I do value it
26:58
Speaker 2: so much. Yeah, Like he just made me see it
27:00
Speaker 2: a little bit more.
27:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're going to go on a trip with
27:03
Speaker 1: him more? Yeah, I think.
27:04
Speaker 2: So we've got to get I'm just the thing about
27:07
Speaker 2: me is like I've got a plan stuff and like
27:10
Speaker 2: it's not an excuse, like but I look at planning
27:12
Speaker 2: things won't be like we'll plan to go to dinner,
27:14
Speaker 2: Like I don't see quality of time. It's just like
27:16
Speaker 2: hanging out and grabbing a coffee with him, my walking.
27:18
Speaker 2: I think I need to do more spontaneous stuff with
27:20
Speaker 2: my dad. Well, yeah, like just going for a wall.
27:22
Speaker 2: If he's like warring the plants that around the house
27:24
Speaker 2: or something taking fucking forty five minutes, I'll just go
27:26
Speaker 2: out and talk to him.
27:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, just doal it with him. Yeah, something like that.
27:29
Speaker 2: Not like necessary, because my thing's always been planning with
27:31
Speaker 2: my parents, whereas we dinner with them. Sometimes we're not
27:34
Speaker 2: prem not that much.
27:35
Speaker 1: Not all the time, no, no, all the time.
27:37
Speaker 2: So I think it's just I thought it was a
27:39
Speaker 2: cool message. And yeah, first things first, we started with
27:43
Speaker 2: Jakes enough. Yeah, make your relationship with your parents enough, dude. Yeah,
27:47
Speaker 2: that's a good message, Yeah, because you won't regret it
27:49
Speaker 2: once you like on today pass eventually and it's just
27:51
Speaker 2: coming to terms without being young. And hopefully you or
27:54
Speaker 2: anyone listening doesn't have to come to those terms anytime soon.
27:57
Speaker 2: But the sooner you realize, and as sooner you work
27:59
Speaker 2: on any relations ships work. Yeah, relationships, parents, kids, dogs,
28:03
Speaker 2: even every relationship is work. And the sooner you put
28:07
Speaker 2: in the work, the better that relationship is.
28:09
Speaker 5: Facts bro.
28:17
Speaker 1: Going off you saying relationships of work. Oddie, I have
28:22
Speaker 1: like a I found this thread. I guess it's like
28:25
Speaker 1: it was on TikTok and it was titled things that
28:28
Speaker 1: are normal in a relationship but nobody talks about it?
28:31
Speaker 1: And I mean I really liked it. I don't know
28:34
Speaker 1: what's going to be enough. Yeah, I just thought, like
28:36
Speaker 1: fucking facts, bro. So the things things that are normal
28:40
Speaker 1: in a relationship but nobody talks about is that your
28:43
Speaker 1: partner will not meet all your needs. They weren't. Hey,
28:47
Speaker 1: you have to like sacrifice a little bit. Yeah, and
28:50
Speaker 1: it says underneath they must meet your deal breaking needs
28:54
Speaker 1: and emotional emotional slash physical needs sorry, safety needs whatever.
28:59
Speaker 1: But all this secondairy and tertiary needs of being a
29:03
Speaker 1: human cannot be met by one person. That's why it's
29:06
Speaker 1: important to invest in friendships, hobbies, and an identity outside
29:10
Speaker 1: of your relationship.
29:12
Speaker 2: Oh that's so, because I was gonna say, like there
29:14
Speaker 2: is a certain point of a little bit of compromise,
29:16
Speaker 2: like getting into a relationship, there's none negotiables, but you
29:19
Speaker 2: do have that little bit of compromise. Yeah, but that's
29:22
Speaker 2: we'd say that that, like you can't always rely on
29:25
Speaker 2: your partner to give you everything, especially you gotta look
29:28
Speaker 2: outside of that for what you need.
29:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, I always found it so crazy, like people, I
29:34
Speaker 1: think when I was young, I thought, like, I got
29:37
Speaker 1: to take my time. There's nothing wrong with taking time,
29:41
Speaker 1: but like, I need to really find the person that's
29:44
Speaker 1: perfect for me. But in reality, there is not a
29:47
Speaker 1: single person in the world that is perfect for you.
29:52
Speaker 1: I'm kidding, except for you obviously, Leanda, But like you know,
29:56
Speaker 1: there's those people that you know, like, well, it's it's
29:59
Speaker 1: it's I have different friends for different things.
30:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I have friends to work out with, I
30:04
Speaker 2: have friends to go to the beach with, friends.
30:06
Speaker 1: To drink with, Like it's the same.
30:08
Speaker 2: Like in a relationship, hopefully your partner gives you most
30:11
Speaker 2: of those things. But even like intellectually stimulating conversations about
30:15
Speaker 2: I don't know your passionate about kites, Yep, you might
30:19
Speaker 2: need someone else, but that good point, man, Like so
30:21
Speaker 2: if yeah, if you're sitting there, well, I think it's
30:23
Speaker 2: hard for people to admit that their partner can't give
30:25
Speaker 2: them everything.
30:26
Speaker 1: Well yeah, no, But also it's the most mature thing
30:29
Speaker 1: to admit, is that your partner will not be able
30:31
Speaker 1: to give you everything, and it's just like like you
30:34
Speaker 1: were saying, like there's no negotiables, but if there's just
30:38
Speaker 1: like little things, you know, like you and your partner
30:41
Speaker 1: are different humans. It's only something you've got to remember, Yeah, and.
30:45
Speaker 2: You've got to accept that and not like if your
30:48
Speaker 2: partner especially, I feel like it maybe it's both sided obviously,
30:51
Speaker 2: but a lot of the time girls might see it
30:54
Speaker 2: as a problem for guys going somewhere else to get
30:57
Speaker 2: something not necessarily another girl. Yeah no, no, no yet like going.
31:00
Speaker 1: Like something like why can't you talk to me about it?
31:02
Speaker 2: And but you might not just be able to get
31:04
Speaker 2: what he needs.
31:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just one of those tertiary things that it's just. Yeah,
31:09
Speaker 1: it's weird. Yeah, it's interesting.
31:11
Speaker 2: It feels like an attack a little bit on them.
31:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's not. Yeah, it's not. Number two. Sex
31:18
Speaker 1: is not always going to be like the movies. You
31:21
Speaker 1: don't you don't always have to be breaking the bed
31:23
Speaker 1: and doing it in public. It's normal for couples to
31:26
Speaker 1: have periods of higher and lower into some intimacy levels.
31:30
Speaker 1: There are a lot of factors like health, stress, lifestyle
31:33
Speaker 1: habits that can cause this. This is a sign to track,
31:36
Speaker 1: but not always an immediate red flag. Oh that's so relatable.
31:41
Speaker 2: One of like the first things I realized about having
31:44
Speaker 2: a long term girlfriend is like how life gets in
31:47
Speaker 2: the way.
31:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, look, sex slows down. Yeah, and I don't know. Yeah,
31:53
Speaker 1: it's like whether it's it's lifestyle.
31:56
Speaker 2: Like even girls' bodies too, guy's hormones levels too. Everything
32:01
Speaker 2: just adds up. And then sometimes you're on the mood
32:02
Speaker 2: and then like sometimes you just want to cuddle and
32:04
Speaker 2: have a little intimate session with.
32:05
Speaker 1: Not a lot of energy. Sometimes you want to masturbate. Yeah, exactly,
32:10
Speaker 1: that happens. Yeah, you do, and that's normal, fully normal.
32:15
Speaker 1: Exceptingly it's the hardest thing. It's so it's weird a
32:18
Speaker 1: but I'll move on. Number three. You won't always like
32:21
Speaker 1: your partner. Relationships go through seasons and can have ups
32:27
Speaker 1: and downs. There may be some critical issues you differ on.
32:30
Speaker 1: There may be moments where you don't like your partner
32:33
Speaker 1: but you love them. Learning to self regulate, self soothe,
32:38
Speaker 1: and communicate in a constructive way is necessary to ride
32:42
Speaker 1: this out. I think that's when you love shines through.
32:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's definitely moments when you're fucking, fucking pissing
32:48
Speaker 2: me off right now?
32:48
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, sometimes you're in an argument and you're just
32:50
Speaker 1: like you look at them and your blood boils. Yeah,
32:53
Speaker 1: and that's when the love shines because you're like you're like, fuck,
32:56
Speaker 1: I love you, but fuck off. Yeah I know, Yeah, yeah,
32:58
Speaker 1: I love you, but fuck I'd love an hour away.
33:02
Speaker 2: And it's relatable to feel that, and it's normal. Like,
33:06
Speaker 2: like you said, he's not You're not gonna have someone
33:08
Speaker 2: who's perfect in front of you. To me, it's Lardi
33:10
Speaker 2: dahded Ar, Rainbow Sunshine, not you get along.
33:13
Speaker 1: It's not possible. No, And you're not perfect for them. Yeah. Yeah,
33:16
Speaker 1: I bet you piss them off more than You've got
33:18
Speaker 1: to remember. Yeah, if they regulate it better. Yeah, if
33:20
Speaker 1: your partner's pissing you off, you have to remember that
33:23
Speaker 1: you also piss them off. Yeah yeah, all right. Number four,
33:29
Speaker 1: I think you will want to be alone. I relate
33:33
Speaker 1: to this so relatable. People need personal space and alone time.
33:36
Speaker 1: Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean that
33:39
Speaker 1: will need that need will go away. If your partner
33:42
Speaker 1: or you want alone time, that's not a sign that
33:44
Speaker 1: the relationship is bad. Finding balance between alone and together
33:48
Speaker 1: time is important. I think that coincides with like the
33:50
Speaker 1: number two he said, you've got to get things from
33:52
Speaker 1: other people, you get things.
33:54
Speaker 2: From yourself as well. Fuck yeah, and that come from
33:57
Speaker 2: just like being alone. Like I love my alone gym time.
34:00
Speaker 2: Same Like sometimes like when someone asked me to work out,
34:03
Speaker 2: I'll be like, eh.
34:04
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Like I don't always like working out with.
34:06
Speaker 2: I'll just be like I just want to go on
34:08
Speaker 2: my phone, listen to music and work out.
34:10
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to anyone. Yeah, headphones in.
34:12
Speaker 1: Like I went to the gym with Jack yesterday and
34:14
Speaker 1: like it was his first time going since we started
34:15
Speaker 1: the challenge that is on Patreon plug. But yeah, it
34:19
Speaker 1: was kind of annoying constantly. Yeah, it is the wait
34:23
Speaker 1: the fuck it, I'm going to kick out. We got
34:26
Speaker 1: phones and they're sick. Okay. You will find other people attractive, Yeah,
34:32
Speaker 1: that's life. It's natural for people in relationships to find
34:36
Speaker 1: others attractive from time to time. In fact, it is human.
34:40
Speaker 1: What's important is having open conversations about what monogamy means
34:43
Speaker 1: to each partner and discuss what the lines and boundaries are.
34:48
Speaker 1: Remember it made different for different couples.
34:51
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like the responsible thing here is like,
34:54
Speaker 2: you can appreciate someone else's beauty. That doesn't mean I
34:58
Speaker 2: want to be in a relationship or.
34:59
Speaker 1: Have sex them. Yeah. Yeah, in facts, that's as simple
35:02
Speaker 1: as it is. I quite often find dudes like and
35:05
Speaker 1: be like, that's a dude. I think I think that
35:07
Speaker 1: is a dude.
35:08
Speaker 3: Yeah.
35:09
Speaker 2: There was a guy that Jim and Barley of Cassie.
35:10
Speaker 2: I was like, OK, yeah, I knew his instagramcause he's famous.
35:12
Speaker 2: I was like, look at this guy's fucking body.
35:15
Speaker 3: Crazy. All right.
35:19
Speaker 1: You will have totally different opinions. Yeah, you do not
35:24
Speaker 1: have to see I two I on every political, social,
35:27
Speaker 1: or general issue. This doesn't mean you are not compatible
35:30
Speaker 1: or that you can't get along. A healthy difference of
35:33
Speaker 1: opinion will help both of you grow as long as
35:36
Speaker 1: you are respectful towards each other. Oh, next one, I
35:40
Speaker 1: think there's two more. You will both change.
35:44
Speaker 2: This is I think this is why a lot of
35:45
Speaker 2: people break up too.
35:46
Speaker 1: This is a huge one. You've changed.
35:48
Speaker 2: Didn't your ex say that to you? Yes, when we're
35:51
Speaker 2: starting this potty or something, you were like it was
35:54
Speaker 2: something around then. I'm pretty sure you were like growing
35:57
Speaker 2: as a person person on social media, putting yourself out
35:59
Speaker 2: there and you've changed I want.
36:03
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it was no no, because we started
36:05
Speaker 1: I didn't have an X anywhere near like starting the podcast.
36:08
Speaker 1: Maybe wasn't. Maybe I lost there. I think, you know
36:11
Speaker 1: what I one year for my birthday, well, I was
36:14
Speaker 1: with my ex. I asked my parents for a camera
36:16
Speaker 1: because I and I started filming some stuff and I
36:22
Speaker 1: liked it. I liked learning to edit little videos. And yeah,
36:27
Speaker 1: we got an argument one time and she said, like,
36:29
Speaker 1: you've just changed like so much, you know, like you're
36:34
Speaker 1: just trying to do this thing, and I was kind
36:36
Speaker 1: of like, yeah, because I want to for the better.
36:38
Speaker 2: I'm finding out what I like.
36:40
Speaker 1: So yeah, it says our bodies, habits, likes and dislikes,
36:42
Speaker 1: and lifestyle changes over time. You and your partner will
36:45
Speaker 1: go through emotional fluctuations, Your hobbies and interests will change.
36:50
Speaker 1: You can keep your band strong, so you can keep
36:53
Speaker 1: your bond strong by finding continuous overlap between your changes
36:57
Speaker 1: and their changes. Okay, this one I think is a
37:00
Speaker 1: huge one. Last one's a huge one. You won't love
37:04
Speaker 1: each other's families. Oh, you don't have to be besties
37:09
Speaker 1: with their siblings or parents and device versa. These relationships
37:14
Speaker 1: are nuanced and come with a lot of emotional inheritance.
37:18
Speaker 1: It is important to be respectful, warm and caring without
37:23
Speaker 1: overstepping your own or their boundaries.
37:26
Speaker 2: I saw this on It was a trend on TikTok
37:28
Speaker 2: going through, and I was like people setting their boundaries
37:31
Speaker 2: for each other's parents, because you gotta take into consideration
37:35
Speaker 2: you're both brought up in different ways and you have
37:37
Speaker 2: different relationships with your parents. And so one person said,
37:41
Speaker 2: this is as much as I can give, and this
37:43
Speaker 2: is as much as I can take anymore, and like
37:44
Speaker 2: that's not all I can do, which you gotta respect.
37:46
Speaker 2: And that's the same from the girl's side and the
37:48
Speaker 2: guy's side. Yeah, and you just got to meet in
37:50
Speaker 2: the middle. And then if it goes past that, you say, no,
37:52
Speaker 2: we can't go, we can't hang out exactly.
37:54
Speaker 3: No.
37:54
Speaker 1: I've seen so many things on TikTok where it's like
37:57
Speaker 1: I've been married for fifty years, he's my best advice,
38:00
Speaker 1: and they'll be like a little thread like this, and
38:01
Speaker 1: there'll be things of advice and the most consistent one
38:04
Speaker 1: I've seen of like i'd say maybe i've seen ten
38:06
Speaker 1: over the years I've been on TikTok whatever. But the
38:08
Speaker 1: most consistent one that I've seen is we don't. It
38:11
Speaker 1: was like we would keep our families separate from just
38:17
Speaker 1: like fights, disagreements, stuff like that, because if you go
38:21
Speaker 1: to your family, they're biased towards you.
38:24
Speaker 3: No matter what.
38:24
Speaker 1: They're going to side with you no matter what. And
38:28
Speaker 1: so yeah, that's like one of the biggest things is
38:30
Speaker 1: like keeping your families out of it, because they can
38:32
Speaker 1: have just such huge impact and like, you know, my
38:34
Speaker 1: dad's opinion on me means like so much. So it's
38:38
Speaker 1: like if I go to him with something and then
38:40
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, she's being a fucking wench, you know,
38:43
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like, you know what, maybe she is.
38:46
Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, not that they're not good
38:49
Speaker 1: people to go to for advice, but just for your relationship.
38:51
Speaker 1: I think, like me personally, I just find that to
38:54
Speaker 1: be And then I wanted to be such a private thing.
38:56
Speaker 1: It's also because they can't. My parents they would love
38:59
Speaker 1: to my girlfriend as much as possible, but they don't
39:01
Speaker 1: really know her. No, no, and like Sam, like my
39:05
Speaker 1: partner's parents, like they will give them as much as
39:07
Speaker 1: they're never going to know who I am behind closed doors.
39:10
Speaker 1: It's like I said to you the like last week,
39:12
Speaker 1: how I said, like, one thing we don't ever say
39:16
Speaker 1: to each other as friends, but also I would never
39:18
Speaker 1: say to my parents is like Beth makes me the happiest.
39:20
Speaker 1: She's like as any girlfriend ive ever had, you know,
39:23
Speaker 1: Like they don't know that, and.
39:24
Speaker 2: It's all good. It's even good for you to say
39:26
Speaker 2: that to me. But also I'm never going to see
39:28
Speaker 2: Beth that you see.
39:29
Speaker 1: Bet No, You're never gonna say it.
39:30
Speaker 2: No matter what, I'm never going to see the same
39:32
Speaker 2: way that you do. So your parents trying to like
39:34
Speaker 2: feel that it's just impossible.
39:36
Speaker 1: Now it's not. It's not possible.
39:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good interesting list, that's what I thought.
39:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's very interesting.
39:42
Speaker 2: And it's probably a good list of bringing your partner.
39:43
Speaker 5: You know.
39:43
Speaker 1: It's funny, is I've watched a Ted Talk last night
39:45
Speaker 1: that I could bring up next week. Maybe I didn't.
39:47
Speaker 1: I didn't think I thought it was gonna be good enough,
39:49
Speaker 1: But it might be funny because you say that your
39:51
Speaker 1: girlfriend was like, they're not fights, Like I don't like
39:54
Speaker 1: corn fights. Yeah, I don't know if in the Ted
39:56
Speaker 1: Talk at it says anything that about that being unhealthy
39:58
Speaker 1: or not. But like they really talk about you know,
40:01
Speaker 1: it's like the way you fight, like you can call
40:04
Speaker 1: it a fight, like you never hear someone coming and
40:06
Speaker 1: be like, I had the best fight with my girlfriend
40:07
Speaker 1: the other day, But like the way you fight is
40:11
Speaker 1: a big, big, big indicator apparently, really yeah, to be
40:14
Speaker 1: worth it. Maybe actually I'll send it to you, but
40:15
Speaker 1: like I just like I want to send it to
40:17
Speaker 1: my girlfriend and I want to send it to just
40:19
Speaker 1: like everyone because it is. It sounds so interesting, and
40:21
Speaker 1: these people are like, yeah, if we meet someone within
40:23
Speaker 1: the first five minutes, we meet a couple with a
40:26
Speaker 1: ninety six percent like accuracy, we can tell what's going
40:32
Speaker 1: to happen in the next six years. Really, yeah, that's wild.
40:35
Speaker 1: I'll leave it on. I reckon.
40:37
Speaker 2: This is the it's not funny, but the funniest and
40:40
Speaker 2: most relatablest fight relationships have. And I know you've had it.
40:44
Speaker 2: And it was the only fighter I had in Bali,
40:46
Speaker 2: and it was having like a It wasn't out a
40:48
Speaker 2: fight at that point. It was I can't remember what
40:50
Speaker 2: it was about, but I started to not raise my voice,
40:53
Speaker 2: but as a guy like I was getting my point
40:55
Speaker 2: across more by getting my voice.
40:57
Speaker 1: A little bit deeper. And then she was like, don't
41:00
Speaker 1: is your voice of me. I'm like, I'm not raising
41:02
Speaker 1: my voice. And when I hear those words, don't yell
41:06
Speaker 1: at me. I'm yeah, I'm like, you want me to yell.
41:10
Speaker 1: You don't want me to yell. I was like, I'm not.
41:13
Speaker 1: I'm talking the same, but that's not the guy's brains.
41:19
Speaker 1: You're not listening to me. So and but props to her,
41:22
Speaker 1: like she said that she established I took it too far,
41:24
Speaker 1: like took my voice too far. I think that's the
41:27
Speaker 1: most relatable fight is when the guys or the girls
41:30
Speaker 1: even raising his voice, raising her voice. I don't raise
41:33
Speaker 1: your voices. Don't yell at me. I feel you sometimes
41:36
Speaker 1: a good yelling. I kind of maybe I just want one.
41:40
Speaker 1: I've never had one. I don't think I will. I've
41:42
Speaker 1: never had one with death, I've never had one with
41:44
Speaker 1: like anyone. Only only time I've ever had one with
41:47
Speaker 1: an ex girlfriend is when we're both drunk. Yeah that's why. Yeah,
41:50
Speaker 1: that's fine. Emotions un intact there exactly. Anyways, I thank
41:54
Speaker 1: you for listening. Yeah, thank you about it this far
41:57
Speaker 1: Patreon five dollars a month. Go join the Facebook group.
42:00
Speaker 1: We're having fun in there and yeah, five stars.
42:03
Speaker 2: We'll see you on Friday. I hope you like the
42:05
Speaker 2: new little content change.
42:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, let us know in the Facebook group. Yeah, it's
42:11
Speaker 1: literally like we will one hundred percent see it.
42:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're doing it for you hopefully. It's engaging, slow intellectual,
42:18
Speaker 2: taking all the boxes so you get a good listen.
42:20
Speaker 3: We love you.
42:21
Speaker 1: Bye,