Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #179 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#179 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, this guy called Robin Sharma said the hours that
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  Speaker 2: ordinary people waste, extraordinary people leverage.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the scars at our show My mom
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six
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  Speaker 2: books about how to help our families to be happy.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm here with my wife Kylie missus Happy Families,
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  Speaker 2: So the mom to our six daughters.
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  Speaker 3: Today's Friday, and this is probably our favorite day of
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  Speaker 3: the week when it comes to podcast recording.
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  Speaker 4: I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 3: I'll do better tomorrow. And what I love about it
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  Speaker 3: is it gives you and I an opportunity to reflect
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  Speaker 3: on the week that we've had and to look at
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  Speaker 3: the experiences that we're having with our children and find
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  Speaker 3: meaning in them.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean this is about how we can
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  Speaker 4: learn to be better parents.
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  Speaker 2: This is the intentional step back, get some perspective, have
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  Speaker 2: a think about things, and move things for But before
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  Speaker 2: we do all do better to mom or I've got
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  Speaker 2: to tell you something. You've seen it in the notes,
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  Speaker 2: but you don't know what it's about. Have this thing
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  Speaker 2: the other day. So one of the kids, I'm not
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  Speaker 2: going to say who, but one of the kids had
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  Speaker 2: a playdate at our house the other day, and I
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  Speaker 2: caught this particular child and her friend her playdate, who
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  Speaker 2: may or may not actually be related to our family.
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  Speaker 4: I'm just saying this was one of the kids and
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  Speaker 4: the cousins.
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  Speaker 2: But I didn't say that they're playing with the dog's penis.
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  Speaker 2: And you know, you know those things that come out
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  Speaker 2: of your mouth completely unexpectedly, and you think to yourself
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  Speaker 2: twenty years ago or you know, before I became a parent,
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  Speaker 2: I never actually thought that I would say this, you know,
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  Speaker 2: Like I remember, I remember one time I said to
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  Speaker 2: one of the kids, I think it was to Ella,
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  Speaker 2: I said, would you please get your feet out of
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  Speaker 2: your food?
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  Speaker 4: But I found myself saying.
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  Speaker 2: To the kids, would you please stop playing when the
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  Speaker 2: dog's penis?
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  Speaker 4: Dogs don't like it. When you I couldn't believe it
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  Speaker 4: was coming out of my mouth.
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  Speaker 3: I tell you, this dog, e Ben Sin. We've had
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  Speaker 3: him for what twelve years now, yeah, something like that,
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  Speaker 3: and from the day we got him, he just has
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  Speaker 3: let the children.
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  Speaker 4: Do anything bang whines.
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  Speaker 2: But it got me thinking and I decided to do
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  Speaker 2: a quick google all of the things that we've said
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  Speaker 2: as parents that we never thought we would say, and
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  Speaker 2: I came up with one on a website called Mummynearest
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  Speaker 2: dot com Thirty things I never thought I'd say before
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  Speaker 2: becoming a parent. Good job on your pooh, honey, like
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  Speaker 2: you just no, just nod. Good job on your pooh?
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  Speaker 2: Have you said stuff like that to our kids?
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  Speaker 3: Of course I have. What's even worse so is when
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  Speaker 3: you're in a public toilet and your little.
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  Speaker 4: Daughter says you are you a pooling?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really cool.
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  Speaker 4: I remember Michael McIntyre, the comedian.
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  Speaker 2: He talks about how he was in the bathroom on
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  Speaker 2: time and a daddy, a daddy, I'm calling him a daddy.
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  Speaker 2: A dad took his son into the bathroom, but he
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  Speaker 2: didn't see the son coming in, and so the.
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  Speaker 4: Dad's standing at the urinal and he's talking to his.
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  Speaker 2: Son saying, that's it, pull it out, okay, now give
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  Speaker 2: it a good shake, And Michael McIntire was looking around.
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  Speaker 4: He thinks that this guy's talking to him anyway. I diagree.
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  Speaker 5: We've gone to a I'll do better tomorrow, as always
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  Speaker 5: talking about so look, that's just a funny story that
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  Speaker 5: has nothing to do with my reflections on being a
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  Speaker 5: great parent.
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  Speaker 4: Hope, I promise.
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  Speaker 2: But it is about intention and sometimes we have to
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  Speaker 2: say things that we never intended to say. But I
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  Speaker 2: read a quote this week that really inspired me, and
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  Speaker 2: it was about personal development and time management and being
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  Speaker 2: ultra productive and being your best you. But as I
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  Speaker 2: read it, I thought, this is not just about that.
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  Speaker 2: This so easily flicks or switches across into the family.
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  Speaker 2: This guy called Robin Sharma said the hours that ordinary
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  Speaker 2: people waste, extraordinary people leverage. And as I was reflecting
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  Speaker 2: on that in a family context, I thought, the people
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  Speaker 2: who have the best families the hours that ordinary parents waste,
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  Speaker 2: extraordinary parents leverage.
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  Speaker 4: To make their families happier.
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  Speaker 3: We talked about this a little bit yesterday in that
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  Speaker 3: idea of intentional planning. Yeah, and for us as parents,
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  Speaker 3: it seems like it takes up so much about time,
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  Speaker 3: and yet without it, our family just doesn't function at
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  Speaker 3: its best.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So my I'll do better tomorrow because I've been
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  Speaker 2: I've actually been caught up on a.
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  Speaker 4: Netflix series lately.
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  Speaker 2: Yes you have, And for the first time in our lives,
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  Speaker 2: I've actually been watching that in the evening rather than
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  Speaker 2: reading or even being social. And I'm feeling a really
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  Speaker 2: big need to repent. I'm feeling like I've been called
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  Speaker 2: to repentance and I need to be better. And so
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  Speaker 2: I've only got about seventeen episodes left and then I'll stop. Yeah, yeah, no,
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  Speaker 2: I'll choose my timing better and I will do better
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  Speaker 2: tomorrow because I don't want to be ordinary in my family.
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  Speaker 2: I want to be extraordinary, and that means that I
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  Speaker 2: can't waste those hours with our kids.
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  Speaker 4: Or with you.
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  Speaker 3: I think that's a really wonderful insight, honey. I'm looking
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  Speaker 3: forward to seeing what happens tonight.
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  Speaker 4: You're so supportive. I appreciate it. All right, let's find
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  Speaker 4: out how you're going to do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: Right after this Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 6: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, tweens, teens and Screens
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  Speaker 6: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.
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  Speaker 6: Bye today at happy families dot com dot au slash shop.
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  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now, And we have
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  Speaker 3: been talking about our favorite topic today, how we can
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  Speaker 3: be better parents.
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  Speaker 4: You do that like a pro. Is that right? You've
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  Speaker 4: been practicing it? Sounded good?
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  Speaker 3: Thank you.
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  Speaker 4: So I've talked about how this.
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  Speaker 2: Idea that ordinary people waste these hours that they could
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  Speaker 2: spend with their kids, and extraordinary parents leverage those hours
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  Speaker 2: to build stronger relationships with them instead.
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  Speaker 4: That's my key learning for the week.
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  Speaker 2: It came off the back of a quote and a
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  Speaker 2: little bit of personal insight and introspection.
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  Speaker 4: What about you?
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  Speaker 3: Well, last week I shared a little bit of a
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  Speaker 3: Christmas struggle that I've had in the past and getting
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  Speaker 3: the kids in letting the kids get in bold and
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  Speaker 3: I had a wonderful experience during the week as I
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  Speaker 3: let them actually decorate the Christmas tree. You gave me
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  Speaker 3: a really hard time last week about the fact that
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  Speaker 3: they were going to be decorating the tree that nobody
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  Speaker 3: else sees. Yes, yeah, and I let you get away
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  Speaker 3: with it. But I'm not going to this weak right
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  Speaker 3: because that tree as actually the special tree, and it's
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  Speaker 3: a special tree for a reason. We have two trees
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  Speaker 3: because when we have family gatherings and everybody comes together,
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  Speaker 3: we don't want to kind of complicate the gift giving scenario.
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  Speaker 4: Well, that's not really why we've got two trees. We've
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  Speaker 4: got two trees because you love Christmas. I do.
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  Speaker 3: It's made it much easier room, It's made it much
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  Speaker 3: easier to deal with the Christmas Yes chaos. And the
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  Speaker 3: kids have claimed this tree because it's in a quiet
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  Speaker 3: space and it means that our family has a quiet
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  Speaker 3: space to go to on Christmas Morning. So this is
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  Speaker 3: actually the tree that means the most to our kids
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  Speaker 3: because it's the tree that they put the presence that
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  Speaker 3: they've handpicked for their secret sister underneath. It's the tree
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  Speaker 3: that Santa leaves his gifts under, It's the tree that
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  Speaker 3: they wake up to, and they're really really excited about it.
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  Speaker 3: And so while you made it sound like it was
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  Speaker 3: a really really sneaky of me because no one else
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  Speaker 3: was actually going to see it, this is actually an
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  Speaker 3: important tree to them and they've acknowledged that. To me,
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  Speaker 3: this was really exciting to them. It was, and I
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  Speaker 3: over the last few years have recognized that this is
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  Speaker 3: something that I needed to let go of, but still
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  Speaker 3: have struggled to do so. And so probably two or
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  Speaker 3: three years ago I actually said to them, if you
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  Speaker 3: want to help me with the Christmas tree, then I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to teach you how to decorate a Christmas tree.
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  Speaker 3: And so over the last few years they've actually been
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  Speaker 3: a part of the decorating. But I have not let
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  Speaker 3: go of the reins. I have been very intentional, some
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  Speaker 3: might say controlling and controlling, Yes, I agree, in helping
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  Speaker 3: them to learn how to have a tree that's beautiful
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  Speaker 3: to look at, and they have participated. So this year
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  Speaker 3: I actually stood right back, and except for putting on
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  Speaker 3: probably three or four decorations right at the very top
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  Speaker 3: of the tree, because it just was a little bit
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  Speaker 3: too far for even Lily who's ten, to climb on
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  Speaker 3: a stool and reach up the top, I let them go.
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  Speaker 3: And a couple of times I had said to miss six,
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  Speaker 3: I'd said, Emily, can you just step back and have
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  Speaker 3: a look. There seems to be a lot of decorations
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  Speaker 3: in one little spot. And she looked at and she said, oh,
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  Speaker 3: I can see it, mum, And she went and moved
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  Speaker 3: the extra baubles away.
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  Speaker 4: That was all I did.
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  Speaker 3: And you know what what I actually saw was two kids.
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  Speaker 3: Not only were they completely engrossed in it, but those
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  Speaker 3: years of lessons had really paid off and they created
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  Speaker 3: a beautiful tree.
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  Speaker 1: I don't.
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  Speaker 3: Honestly, I do not think that I could have done
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  Speaker 3: a better job. And what I learned in that process
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  Speaker 3: was that sometimes we just don't give our kids enough credit.
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  Speaker 3: That's a little bit tricky for me to say, because
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  Speaker 3: I like things to be a certain way. But as
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  Speaker 3: I watched our kids do that, I was blown away
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  Speaker 3: at their capacity and I hadn't given them credit that
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  Speaker 3: they were actually capable of doing that.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and the tree looks beautiful.
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  Speaker 3: It does, and they love being there.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, they really do. Well, that's a great story. I'm
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  Speaker 4: so glad that you shared that.
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  Speaker 2: I think what this story really illustrates is the importance
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  Speaker 2: of what I talk about when it comes to helping
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  Speaker 2: our kids to learn, and that is induction. We need
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  Speaker 2: to teach them slowly and even over a couple of years,
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  Speaker 2: by bit, what our expectations are and how they can
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  Speaker 2: do something, and then stand back, give them the reins
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  Speaker 2: and let them go for it. And I think they've
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  Speaker 2: done a great job. We will post some pictures of
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  Speaker 2: that on our Facebook page so that you can jump
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  Speaker 2: on there and have a squizz.
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  Speaker 3: What I really loved though, I just remembered you said
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  Speaker 3: last week that you're really nervous that the kids were
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  Speaker 3: actually going to have some perfectionistic tendency.
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  Speaker 4: So yeah, I did mention that you did, and did they.
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  Speaker 3: They didn't even compare the trees. They loved what they
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  Speaker 3: had achieved, and we're so excited to show me at
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  Speaker 3: the other end.
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  Speaker 4: Winning all round.
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  Speaker 2: I'll do Better Tomorrow returns next Friday for our last
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  Speaker 2: Friday before Christmas?
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  Speaker 4: Can you believe that?
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  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness?
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  Speaker 2: We would love, by the way, for you to jump
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  Speaker 2: onto Apple Podcasts and let us a rating and review.
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  Speaker 4: Those five star ratings and reviews.
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  Speaker 2: Help other people to find the podcast and make their
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  Speaker 2: families happier.
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  Speaker 4: We could consider it a Christmas gift.
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  Speaker 2: I know I've harped on about that in every podcast
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  Speaker 2: this week, but it'd be great if.
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  Speaker 4: You wouldn't mind doing that.
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  Speaker 2: We so much appreciate the great work done by Justin
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  Speaker 2: Rwand from Bridge Media for making the.
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  Speaker 4: Podcast sound great. Our executive producer is Craig Bruce.
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  Speaker 2: And if you'd like more information about how to help
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  Speaker 2: your family be happier, there's loads of free stuff at
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  Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot you. But there's also this
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: thing called a Happy Families membership Join the family. It's
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: getting bigger and bigger every single day and loads of
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: people helping their families to be happier because of the
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: Happy Families membership. All the details at happyfamilies dot com
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  Speaker 2: dot au
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  Speaker 5: Uh