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Living Single · Relationship Talk Thursday

0:01
Speaker 1: I think the most important relationship you have after your
0:03
Speaker 1: relationship with God is your relationship with yourself, your single self.
0:07
Speaker 1: Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, your mind,
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Speaker 1: your soul, and your strength, and love your neighbor how
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Speaker 1: as yourself. So there's a lot of people that say
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Speaker 1: or they love God and then they try to love people,
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Speaker 1: but they don't love themselves or have not loved themselves
0:21
Speaker 1: in a proper context. But everybody's anxious to be in
0:24
Speaker 1: a relationship, and so I don't know. I think single
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Speaker 1: ministry or ministry to single people is probably one of
0:31
Speaker 1: the under utilized opportunities that is explored in church context.
0:37
Speaker 1: There's a lot when it comes to singles. It's like
0:39
Speaker 1: the default ministry. So either people don't want to be
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Speaker 1: a part of it, I don't want to be single,
0:44
Speaker 1: or there's so many different versions of being single, single,
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Speaker 1: want a relationship, single out of a relationship, unmarried but
0:51
Speaker 1: not really single, divorce, don't want to be with nobody,
0:54
Speaker 1: no more, widow, So so many categories.
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Speaker 2: So how do you even approach it?
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Speaker 1: But Paul biblically was very specific and very clear about
1:02
Speaker 1: how singles should be handled and ministered to. But in
1:06
Speaker 1: church culture, there's just a lot of single events and
1:09
Speaker 1: not a lot of single equipped.
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Speaker 3: Good morning, It's Relationship Talk Thursday. It's so you Blakey
1:17
Speaker 3: here with the Power Couple.
1:19
Speaker 2: Pastors Dramone and Erica Glynn. Y'all feeling good? Yeah, good
1:25
Speaker 2: morning Chicago.
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Speaker 3: So we want to deal with the single saints. I
1:29
Speaker 3: just feel like, you know, the singles need to be
1:31
Speaker 3: loved one. We always talk about marriages and things like that,
1:34
Speaker 3: which is great, but before you married, you got to
1:37
Speaker 3: you know, your single.
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Speaker 2: So most important.
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Speaker 3: And I know, like even myself coming up in church,
1:41
Speaker 3: there was not a lot for singles. And I know
1:44
Speaker 3: you guys can attest to that too, you know, being
1:46
Speaker 3: pastors and executive pastors now at New Life. But why
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Speaker 3: is it important that you know, singles get get ministered
1:54
Speaker 3: to or coached or you know educated about you know,
1:58
Speaker 3: the life of a single.
1:59
Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: I think the most important relationship you have, after your
2:02
Speaker 1: relationship with God is your relationship with yourself, your single self.
2:05
Speaker 1: Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, your mind,
2:08
Speaker 1: your soul, and your strength, and love.
2:09
Speaker 2: Your neighbor how as yourself.
2:12
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of people that say or they
2:14
Speaker 1: love God and then they try to love people, but
2:16
Speaker 1: they don't love themselves or have not loved themselves in
2:19
Speaker 1: a proper context. But everybody's anxious to be in a relationship,
2:23
Speaker 1: and so I don't know. I think single ministry or
2:26
Speaker 1: ministry to single people is probably one of the under
2:31
Speaker 1: utilized opportunities that is explored in church context. There's a
2:36
Speaker 1: lot when it comes to singles. It's like the default ministry.
2:39
Speaker 1: So either people don't want to be a part of it,
2:42
Speaker 1: I don't want to be single, or there's so many
2:43
Speaker 1: different versions of being single, single, want a relationship, single
2:47
Speaker 1: out of a relationship, unmarried but not really single, divorce,
2:51
Speaker 1: don't want to be with nobody, no more, widow, So
2:54
Speaker 1: so many categories, So how do you even approach it?
2:57
Speaker 1: But Paul biblically was very specif if it can, very
3:00
Speaker 1: clear about how singles should be handled and ministered to.
3:04
Speaker 1: But in church culture there's just a lot of single
3:07
Speaker 1: events and not a lot of single equipped so singles
3:10
Speaker 1: aren't being equipped to be successfullly single, and definitely I
3:15
Speaker 1: feel not being equipped to then convert that into a
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Speaker 1: successful married relationship. Healthy single people make healthy relationships, and
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Speaker 1: married people unhealthy single people make unhealthy married relationship.
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Speaker 4: And I mean, I test to all of that, and
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Speaker 4: I just remember, you know, when I was single and
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Speaker 4: over the singles Ministry trying to do research for it,
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Speaker 4: and it was just if all of the research showed
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Speaker 4: how unmarried people did not want to be identified that way.
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Speaker 4: They didn't want they didn't want anybody to call them single,
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Speaker 4: They didn't want anybody to call them unmarried. So to
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Speaker 4: try and gather them around it was difficult because nobody
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Speaker 4: wanted to identify with that. But the thing that I've
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Speaker 4: realized being married is that if you or not a
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Speaker 4: student as a single person, you're definitely having difficulty being
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Speaker 4: a student as a married person. And that discipline of
4:08
Speaker 4: becoming your better self in all states that you're in,
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Speaker 4: if you don't start with your own self, it will
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Speaker 4: make it difficult for you to do that in your marriage.
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Speaker 4: You've never been married before, or if you were married,
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Speaker 4: it wasn't great.
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Speaker 2: So you still need to learn.
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Speaker 4: So when we don't become students of ourselves early on,
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Speaker 4: it makes it very difficult that in another season that
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Speaker 4: we're not a continual student. So it's like, you know,
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Speaker 4: unmarried people, whatever state that you're in, period. You need
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Speaker 4: to be happy about that state, because if you don't
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Speaker 4: embrace the state that you're in, you'll go to another
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Speaker 4: state wishing that you did something else in another space.
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Speaker 2: Now you can't resent the relationship you have with yourself.
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Speaker 2: And then except.
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Speaker 3: Relationship Talk Thursday, I'm Sonya Blakey here with the Power
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Speaker 3: Couple pastors Damone and Erica Glenn Loving Single, mastering your
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Speaker 3: unmarried season. So the big question is what do you
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Speaker 3: do when you're single? What should you be focusing on? Like,
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Speaker 3: what should you be giving your attention to?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, well, the Bible is clear.
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Speaker 1: We try to build it on a biblical base because
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Speaker 1: that's what the principles are. Paul talked about in your
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Speaker 1: single season. Your time belongs to the Lord. That doesn't
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Speaker 1: mean you become a monk and live in God's house
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Speaker 1: and never go nowhere and don't do anything. That means
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Speaker 1: that's the time when you get to to get to
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Speaker 1: learn the creator and what the Creator thinks about his creation.
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Speaker 2: So you fall in love with God. He created you.
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Speaker 2: Who are you?
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Speaker 1: What do you care about? What value do you add?
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Speaker 1: What do you want to do? What's the purpose, what's
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Speaker 1: your passion? Where do you want to go? What do
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Speaker 1: you want to explore? You don't sit single season out
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Speaker 1: waiting to be in a relationship Like single season is
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Speaker 1: a maximized season. It's a joyful space. It's a season
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Speaker 1: in your life that if you do it right, you
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Speaker 1: will never get it back again. Then you'll be in
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Speaker 1: a relationship thinking about, oh, I should have did this, this, this, this,
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Speaker 1: when I don't have any accountability, when nobody told me,
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Speaker 1: when I didn't have to respond to anybody or acts
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Speaker 1: or answer to anyone.
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Speaker 2: So I don't know.
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Speaker 1: I think people underestimate and underutilize the single season, and
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Speaker 1: they miss out on an opportunity to really explore and
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Speaker 1: evaluate who they are so that they can level up
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Speaker 1: in a track on the level that they leveled up on.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.
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Speaker 4: I mean, it is truly in the Bible that you
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Speaker 4: devote your time and your energy and your your passions
6:36
Speaker 4: unto the Lord. But you know as you're doing that.
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Speaker 4: I believe, well, I know for a fact that when
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Speaker 4: you are doing it as unto the Lord, the closer
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Speaker 4: you're getting to God, the closer you're getting to yourself,
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Speaker 4: and you're discovering things about yourself that you didn't know
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Speaker 4: because you are getting closer to the creator, and I
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Speaker 4: think that when you are like wishing you I remember
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Speaker 4: one girl telling me I just want to not cook
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Speaker 4: for myself. I want to be able to cook for
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Speaker 4: somebody else.
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Speaker 2: And then when she.
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Speaker 4: Got married, I was like, so are you cooking? You
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Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, Like, the very thing that you're
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Speaker 4: wishing to right, the very thing that you're wishing for,
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Speaker 4: you're not embracing where you are, and so you can't
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Speaker 4: exhaust it until you just put your arms around it
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Speaker 4: and your head around it and just say, Lord, what
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Speaker 4: do you want from me in this season? Because to me,
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Speaker 4: that's a question that you have to ask yourself until
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Speaker 4: you die. So it's like, if you just get into
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Speaker 4: that frame of mind, you'll live your life on a
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Speaker 4: whole nother level. I just I didn't wait for things
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Speaker 4: to happen. I had to make a decision because I
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Speaker 4: was resenting when I was a single person. But I
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Speaker 4: had to make a decision about this life that I'm
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Speaker 4: in right now. And if I know that God promised
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Speaker 4: me something else, I don't want to squander this time
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Speaker 4: because I won't have what I need for the next moment.
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Speaker 4: So it's like if you're living, if you have a
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Speaker 4: promise for God, you got to live in the now
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Speaker 4: so that when you get to the promise of God,
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Speaker 4: you'll be able to fulfill it and do it and
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Speaker 4: enjoy it and not resent it because your husband or
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Speaker 4: your wife or your children don't deserve your unmet single
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Speaker 4: expectations that you did not take care of when you
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Speaker 4: were unmarried.
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Speaker 2: That's right.
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Speaker 1: I think Unfortunately people equate singleness to loneliness as opposed
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Speaker 1: to wholeness, as opposed to being single or unmarried. How
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Speaker 1: we say, we rephrase it is to be complete, to
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Speaker 1: be whole, to be one, to be solid, right, to
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Speaker 1: be at one, at peace with yourself. And so just
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Speaker 1: because you are not are not married doesn't mean that
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Speaker 1: you are alone. And there's a lot of people that
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Speaker 1: are married and alone, let alone, So marriage doesn't cure loneliness, right,
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Speaker 1: and learning how to be at one with yourself or
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Speaker 1: alone with yourself is a healthy season and a healthy
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Speaker 1: space that you should be in and try to maximize.
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Speaker 1: So you can't let your relationship or let your identify
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Speaker 1: be defined by your relationship status. You have to literally
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Speaker 1: understand that my relationship status does not qualify or qualify
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Speaker 1: who I am. I am in a season that is
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Speaker 1: and choice that I must embrace, whether I got here
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Speaker 1: by default or back got here by decision. I'm gonna
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Speaker 1: make up my mind that I'm going to exhaust this
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Speaker 1: season to the max and enjoy it to the fullness.
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Speaker 2: That's what your single season is supposed to be about.
9:31
Speaker 2: It is relationship talk Thursday. Here with the Power Couple.
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Speaker 3: I'm showing to Lakey pastors Damon and Erica Glenn, loving singles.
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Speaker 3: See your single life clearly? What are some practical things
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Speaker 3: that a single person should be doing getting their finances together? Preach,
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Speaker 3: you know what I'm there's things because there's some things
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Speaker 3: done before I got married. You know, some things I've
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Speaker 3: missed or, by the grace of God married thirty years.
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Speaker 3: But what are some practical things that you know, single
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Speaker 3: folks can be doing to prepare themselves for marriage if
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Speaker 3: that's their desire.
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Speaker 1: I let my wife unpack most of this because in
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Speaker 1: my single season, I was I.
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Speaker 2: Was locked in.
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Speaker 1: I was it was me and the Lord, and that
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Speaker 1: was because I know me, you know what I mean?
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Speaker 1: So I was like, I don't want to date. I
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Speaker 1: don't want to look around. I ain't looking too long.
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Speaker 1: Everybody and their grandma was trying to introduce me to
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Speaker 1: their granddaughter. They daughter trying to connect me and some
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Speaker 1: in my single season, I really was. I really use
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Speaker 1: it as a sense of consecration because it was a
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Speaker 1: strong transition for me because I coming new out of
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Speaker 1: the world, I had assorted pass and so in that transition,
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Speaker 1: I was being sanctified. I was transitioning my mentality in
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Speaker 1: my life. And so I think that I learned to
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Speaker 1: do things that increase my value, right, And we coach
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Speaker 1: people and tell them to do things that increase your value,
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Speaker 1: not diminish it, because a lot of people want to
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Speaker 1: They want a level of a relationship that they're not on.
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Speaker 1: They want the man with the six figures, but they
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Speaker 1: only got two. They want the man with the with
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Speaker 1: the with the eight hundred credit score, but their credit
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Speaker 1: score is four hundred. They want the man they got
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Speaker 1: the private jet or traveled all over the world, but
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Speaker 1: they ain't been nowhere.
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Speaker 2: They ain't been in Indiana, you know.
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Speaker 1: And so it's like you can't keep saying what you
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Speaker 1: desire that you haven't become, because you will not attract
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Speaker 1: you will only attrack on the level of who you are.
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Speaker 2: So so there's a flip side to that that I'll add.
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Speaker 1: Because I know the ladies is like, no, I went,
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Speaker 1: I got my masters, I got my money, I got
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Speaker 1: myself and the other person. So this isn't gender base,
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Speaker 1: this is period. There are a lot of upside down
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Speaker 1: relationships because there are people that did the work in
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Speaker 1: a single season and they can't find their compatibility, their
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Speaker 1: compatible mate because the other people didn't do the work
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Speaker 1: because somebody was wishing they were in a relationship instead
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Speaker 1: of becoming the relationship that somebody wished that they had
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Speaker 1: only a single season.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're gonna talk about some practical things.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, for me, I think the practicalness would be, you know,
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Speaker 4: like my husband said, to level up, to build up
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Speaker 4: your worth, to take care of your credit, to travel
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Speaker 4: where you want to go, because just because you're married
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Speaker 4: somebody they may not want to go, know anywhere, they
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Speaker 4: might be fine just staying at home. To make sure.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, to know what you like like if you're in.
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Speaker 4: A perpetual relationships, you don't know who you are and
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Speaker 4: what you like, especially for a woman, because you are
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Speaker 4: adapting to a man to a man, so you don't
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Speaker 4: always know all the things that you like or dislike. Healing, healing,
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Speaker 4: getting yourself healed, making sure your relationships are tight with
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Speaker 4: the people that you want your relationships to be tight
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Speaker 4: with in your head, taking care of your body, especially
12:45
Speaker 4: for women. You know, we are having a lot of
12:48
Speaker 4: women having difficulty having babies, getting pregnant, like all of
12:51
Speaker 4: those things. And I think that it's something that people
12:54
Speaker 4: don't think about when they're single because they're just when
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Speaker 4: I get married, it's just gonna who all of these
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Speaker 4: things are just gonna happen, not knowing that you have to,
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Speaker 4: not knowing that you have to get yourself ready for
13:07
Speaker 4: those things. So for to me, for a woman, and
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Speaker 4: I think you know, for a man, I think we
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Speaker 4: all have our things that we have to do to
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Speaker 4: be a husband, to be a wife, and you need
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Speaker 4: to understand what that is. But it's kind of you're
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Speaker 4: living I won't say a double life, but you're kind
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Speaker 4: of having your hands filled with two things at the
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Speaker 4: same time. I'm becoming the person that I need to
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Speaker 4: be with having my eyes on becoming what else there
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Speaker 4: is for me to be all at the same time
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Speaker 4: and I think if we would stop, well, if you're unmarried,
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Speaker 4: if you would just stop wishing that you were married
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Speaker 4: and actually do some work in all of it. When
13:44
Speaker 4: you get to the place where you're married, you know, yeah,
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Speaker 4: you gotta. Yeah, you can't just wish. There has to
13:52
Speaker 4: be work that is put there. And I think that you.
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Speaker 4: I think if you kind of knew what some of
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Speaker 4: the work was in marriage, you would be so quick
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Speaker 4: to let me hurry up.
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Speaker 2: And get over there.
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Speaker 3: You know.
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Speaker 4: That's just being honest, and there's nothing wrong with it.
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Speaker 4: It's just that marriages work.
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Speaker 2: It is not. It is not just if it happens.
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Speaker 1: And I think people don't realize marriages work, or relationships
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Speaker 1: and work, or they do realize it, but they think
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Speaker 1: they rather do that work than to do the work
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Speaker 1: on them selves. Successful single exactly is what we learn.
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Speaker 1: If you do the work successfully single, you have less
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Speaker 1: work to do. I think the people trying to backtrack, like,
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Speaker 1: if I do the work in my single season, that
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Speaker 1: I won't have to do so much work in my
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Speaker 1: relationship season, or at least I'll have work ethic and
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Speaker 1: I'll know how to work an exact expectation that this
14:42
Speaker 1: is gonna take work. It's gonna take work for us
14:44
Speaker 1: to build this life we want because it took work
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Speaker 1: for me to build a life that I had before.
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Speaker 1: It's gonna take work for us to save money to
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Speaker 1: buy this house because it took work for me to
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Speaker 1: save money to.
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Speaker 2: Get my house or my apartment or my business.
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Speaker 1: It's gonna take work for us to go to the
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Speaker 1: next level of raising our kids because it took work
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Speaker 1: for me to get my degree or my trade or
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Speaker 1: my skill. So if you have no accomplishments in your
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Speaker 1: single season, no evidence, no fruit that you went to work,
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Speaker 1: that you put the work in on yourself, completed something
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Speaker 1: that's right, then I don't want to I don't want
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Speaker 1: to bring you into my married life with no work
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Speaker 1: at it because it's gonna be hard trying to build
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Speaker 1: something and also trying to build you.
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Speaker 2: I can't. I ain't got time to Like I need
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Speaker 2: somebody to build with.
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Speaker 1: Me, not all the all the work can't be on you,
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Speaker 1: like we gotta be working to together, not just every
15:29
Speaker 1: time we turn around.
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Speaker 4: Were working on you and one more thing, being mayor
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Speaker 4: being a single person. Marriage is not gonna rescue you.
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Speaker 4: So if you quit looking that marriage is gonna rescue you,
15:39
Speaker 4: then you will not look for it to be the
15:41
Speaker 4: next answer to something that you don't do.
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Speaker 1: Marriage doesn't rescue you, it reveals you.
15:48
Speaker 2: I wasn't gonna take your line. It is relationship talk Thursday.
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Speaker 3: I'm so jia blaking with the power cup Old Pastors
15:54
Speaker 3: to voted Erica Glenn. We're gonna close it out here.
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Speaker 3: But a quick question that came in. Are you single
16:01
Speaker 3: until you're married? Are you single until you're married? Your
16:05
Speaker 3: thoughts on that question.
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Speaker 4: You're not, You are unmarried. You are single in status
16:14
Speaker 4: but in heart, in your heart and your mind and
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Speaker 4: your soul. Are you single? You may not be because
16:21
Speaker 4: you might be looking, as we said, for a relationship
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Speaker 4: to rescue you versus you dealing with you looking at
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Speaker 4: the man in the mirror. Michael Jackson said it so well,
16:30
Speaker 4: looking at the man in the mirror. So some of us,
16:32
Speaker 4: or I'm not us, I'm sorry, some people that are
16:35
Speaker 4: single are not single. There are attached to somebody else,
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Speaker 4: even though that person may not be there, but they're
16:43
Speaker 4: attached to that person because they're tied and their mind
16:46
Speaker 4: and their soul and their spirit and in their heart
16:48
Speaker 4: with that person, so a little bit they could almost
16:51
Speaker 4: little be a little bit counterfeit.
16:53
Speaker 2: Married. Some people, yeah, plan marriage.
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Speaker 1: Some people been in a relationship since they was in
16:59
Speaker 1: high school, was in middle school. They've been in perpetual
17:02
Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriends out of one thing into the next thing,
17:06
Speaker 1: and really have not had any time with themselves to
17:09
Speaker 1: embrace their unmarried season. So they go from being in
17:13
Speaker 1: a status of being unmarried, but they never was really single,
17:16
Speaker 1: they just weren't married. And then they're perpetually in nine year,
17:20
Speaker 1: seven year, ten year relationships that still aren't married, but
17:25
Speaker 1: they're still not single. So yeah, just because you're un
17:28
Speaker 1: married doesn't mean you're single. There's too many people that
17:32
Speaker 1: are not single whole complete, like you know, secure in
17:37
Speaker 1: their identity, in their unmarried space, they should be embracing.
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Speaker 3: How would you guys summarize this this session loving single
17:45
Speaker 3: seeing your single life clearly? How would you guys summarize
17:48
Speaker 3: what we talked about today.
17:48
Speaker 1: I would summarize that, don't waste your single season wish
17:51
Speaker 1: you was in a relation in another season like you're
17:54
Speaker 1: in the season that you're in. So embrace it, reframe it, reidentify,
17:59
Speaker 1: rec communicate, re see it. Differently, like love the skin
18:03
Speaker 1: that you're in and the sing and the season that
18:05
Speaker 1: you're in, and.
18:06
Speaker 2: Embrace it wholeheartedly.
18:07
Speaker 1: When you really start having fun where you are and
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Speaker 1: becoming who you need to be, you're a tract who
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Speaker 1: you're supposed to be.
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Speaker 2: It was, it was, it was Adam's Adams saw.
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Speaker 1: Eve and said, whoa man, this is bone of my bone,
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Speaker 1: flesh of my flesh. She's she's whole, she complete, she thriving.
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Speaker 1: She over there doing her thing where she come from.
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Speaker 1: I didn't see her before, he acknowledged, he witnessed. He
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Speaker 1: saw her because she was complete and full and who
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Speaker 1: she was.
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Speaker 2: She wasn't looking for him.
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Speaker 1: He was looking for her and he found her because
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Speaker 1: she was in a season of wholeness and celebration.
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Speaker 4: So I think how you said it about it being
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Speaker 4: a sacred season, singleness being a sacred season, And I
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Speaker 4: think that when you look at it as to be sacred,
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Speaker 4: when you get into marriage, you're you're you're being sacred
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Speaker 4: as onto God. But then when you're getting to when
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Speaker 4: you get into marriage, then you're being sacred unto your spouse.
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Speaker 4: So you're able to trans for that sacredness from one
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Speaker 4: state to another state because you disciplined yourself in being sacred.
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Speaker 4: If you've been all over the place as an unmarried
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Speaker 4: person or you know, as a single person in a sense,
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Speaker 4: then when you get married, that settleness is gonna take
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Speaker 4: a minute to get there because you weren't focused on
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Speaker 4: one thing. You were focused on a whole lot of
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Speaker 4: other things that caused your sacredness as not to be
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Speaker 4: as unto God.
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Speaker 2: Great conversation.
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Speaker 3: How can our listeners get in touch with you guys,
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Speaker 3: because I'm quite sure they're loving today's conversation?
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Speaker 1: Catch up with us on social We try to encourage
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Speaker 1: both half. We have been getting a lot of requests
19:36
Speaker 1: from single people. They're like, y'all leaving us out. We're
19:38
Speaker 1: not leaving you out. You can learn from married people,
19:41
Speaker 1: But right now we're really leaning into We're gonna do
19:44
Speaker 1: like a live master class. And I guess you could
19:48
Speaker 1: call it just about embracing your singleness. My wife actually
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Speaker 1: is getting ready to do what is it called single
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Speaker 1: in the City. It's for a single women just to
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Speaker 1: really be able to embrace I do something called man
20:00
Speaker 1: where I talk about men and their life and their
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Speaker 1: choosing and before they get married and when they marry.
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Speaker 1: Were trying to cover all things relationships. That's part of
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Speaker 1: our assignment. So whether you're on the single side or
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Speaker 1: the married side, or should I say whether you're on
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Speaker 1: the unmarried side or the marriage side, we on your side,
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Speaker 1: all right, So connect up with us so we can
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Speaker 1: help you live and thrive for the life and legacy.
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Speaker 3: You can also catch the show on the podcast Inspiration
20:25
Speaker 3: thirteen ninety dot com or there on the Free I
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Speaker 3: Heard radio app Relationship Talk Thursday with the Power Couple
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Speaker 3: The Glenns