Latest / DA CREW Podcast / Basic Blaque After Dark sit down with the incredible Dr. Carolyn Stephens| Clinical Mental Health Christian Therapist |

Transcript

Basic Blaque After Dark sit down with the incredible Dr. Carolyn Stephens| Clinical Mental Health Christian Therapist | · DA CREW Podcast

• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, lay I have your attention.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Please.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: The show starts in ten line eight seven, six, five,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: four three two one go.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to Basic Black after that and part two
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: of our mental health series with doctor Carolyn Stevens. In
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: our last episode, we broke the silence around mental health
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: tonight and wait. We carry healing, trauma and resilience. We
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: explore the invisible burdens. We carry the generational trauma that
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: nambas in our lives, and a powerful role of resilience
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: plays in our healing. We are breaking it down, breaking
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: cycles and building two. Please welcome doctor Carolyn Stephens back
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: to Basic Black after that.
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: Hey, yes, good evening, good evening, good evening. Now what
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: are you doing.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: I am doing well and as always, I am so
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: glad to be here, and I want to say hello
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: to everybody that's going to be joining in and those
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: that are.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Going to be to do we play really real.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: Well again, Thank you so much for being a part
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: of this series, because mental health is just so important,
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: and bringing a win is to it is very important.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: Some people bypass it, but I'm not here. I'm basically
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: back after doctor, So I want to start with the
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: basics of understanding trauma. What is trauma and why do
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: different people respond to it in such different ways?
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, so, uh, good good question to ask to talk
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: about such an in depth and maybe Layman's terms, I
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: would use a heavy topic, but that's a good place
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: to start and a good time for us to be
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: talking about this as well. So I want to make
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: the answer kind of basic, not to it's been occur,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: so that people can understand a basic understanding of what
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: is trauma or psychological psychological trauma. But trauma is basically
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: a severe emotional response to a stressful event that overwhelms
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: a person's ability to be able to process it emotionally.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: So you know, at some point in life we all
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: experience a traumatic event, and then when it's defined as
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: psychological trauma, it means that that person having challenges responding
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: to that event to the point where it fractures their
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: ability to be able to process it emotionally. So that's
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: that's a basic definition of what is trauma.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: What came to mind, and there's something I hadn't even
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: prepared to say, but with your explanation, what came to
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: mind was, I don't know many people remember the show.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: But the episode on Good Times when the father, James
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: had passed away and the children were grieving, but it
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: didn't appear that the mother was grieving. Yeah, they seemed
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: to be very concerned that they didn't feel as though
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: the mother was grieving because she didn't cry and she
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: was laughing with the guests. But she did have a
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: breaking point.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: It did.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: Get told me.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: She was in the kitchen, she did break that pick,
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: that plate, and that's when it came out and she
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: came together with the children.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: So people do.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: Have different forms and ways of dealing with truth, especially
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: when we're talking about the death of another I get
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: what you're saying that it is response is very different
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: from many different ways. And so what are some overlooked
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: the unexpected forms of trauma People may not even recognize us.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, So trauma is basically kind of broken down into
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: maybe it will say, three subtopics. Right, So you have
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: what's called direct exposure, So that's a form of trauma.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: An example of direct exposure would be someone who has
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: been abused or sexually molested. That's what we call direct
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: exposure trauma. Then we have what's called an eyewitness, meaning
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: that the trauma or the experience didn't actually happen to you,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: but you witnessed it, you were an eyewitness to it.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: And that's why a lot of times in places of
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: employment or in schools where there's been a shooting or
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: something like that, they will call in a trauma team
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: to help people to be able to process what it
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: is that they have seen. Not that it necessarily happened
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: to them, but they understand that being an eyewitness to
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: a traumatic event, sometimes people don't respond or process that well.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: And then the third category would be indirect. So an
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: example of that would be chilled and living in an
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: abusive household. You know, they may not have actually seen
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: dad hit mom, but maybe they've heard, you know, or
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: they're affected by those two adults, like the behaviors, or
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: they're affected by mom's behaviors, and so that's what we
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: call indirect trauma. And people, sometimes especially children, don't always respond,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: don't always respond well to those levels of trauma. So
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: that's how trauma is basically broken broken down. There's not
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: really one that's worse than the other. It just it
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: just gives you an idea of the variant or variances
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: of the different kinds of trauma, and that's important to
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: know when you're the person or the practitioner at providing
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: traumatic informed care, because these are the kind of questions
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: or kinds of things that you would would need to know.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: You know, where you were, you were in the house,
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: did you see something or did you hear something? Did
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: somebody tell you, which would be a form of indirect trauma.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: So those are the different kinds of trauma, and people
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: respond to those in different ways. People respond to trauma
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: in different ways because it depends it depends on how
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: they how they grew up, you know, it depends on
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: how long they've been experiencing the level of trauma, whether
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: it was direct, indirect or you an eyewitness to it,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: it depends on It depends on that, It depends on
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: your level of resistance. It depends on whether or not
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: you're dealing with multiple traumatic events. You know, you've heard
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: people say I just can't.
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: I just can't take it.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: It looks like one thing is happening to me right
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: after the other, that kind of thing. So what they're
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: talking about is they're experiencing traumatic events back back to back,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: and so in Layman's terms, what they're saying is that
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I now am becoming extremely overwhelmed and I'm not having
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: enough time to mentally process one thing before something else happens,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: and so that that's going to affect the way that
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: they deal with a traumatic event because maybe they're just
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: coming out of one and now you know, it's being
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: layered by another one, or you know, like let's say
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: in the case of abuse, where they're experiencing traumatic events regularly,
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: like it's every week dad beats mom, or now you
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: know mom beats dad. They have it both ways. But
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: that's some of the reasons why people deal with or
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: respond to trauma in different ways.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: So in every form of trauma that you described, I
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: also feel as though it can be generational and culturally impacted.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: How is trauma passed down through families and communities?
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, so that's a that's a good question, and the
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: best example of passed down trauma, you know, because people
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: talk about generational wealth where wealth has passed down and
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: not necessarily wealth being passed down, but the knowledge of
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: wealth or how to obtain wealth is passed down from
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: generation to generation. Trauma works the same way. You can
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: have what's called generational trauma. So The best example that
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I could use of that, which is what usually I
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: typically like to speak on, is its slavery and how
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: it affected the African diaspora over four hundred and fifty
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: years of trauma. That would be I would I would say,
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: probably one of the best examples from my cultural perspective
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: out of my cultural link being a Black woman. Now,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: of course, if I were a Jewish woman, then I
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: would use the Holocaust as another example of you know,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: traumatic events. The only difference, the only difference there. And
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: I bring this up so we could see how you
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: could look at one culture that seems to have oh
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: generally an overall spectrum, seems to have healed from their
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: trauma as comparison in comparison to another culture who still
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: still seems to be dealing with some of the symptoms. So,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: you know, Holocaust was certainly a traumatic time for the
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Jewish population, because I don't want to speak as if
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: though I'm minimizing it. However, there was support for them
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: when it came through that there was a support. There
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: was financial support, report, there was a mental support, emotional support,
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: community support, those kinds of things. Whereas when you compare
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: it to the Black experience right, that we experienced ongoing
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: trauma and we are still experiencing ongoing trauma. So to
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: your question, how does trauma get passed down? How do
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: we define generational trauma? Is because when there is no
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: process of healing for trauma, and that particular family does
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: not heal from the traumatic events that has happened in
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: their family, people don't talk about it. Families don't discuss it,
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: or communities don't discuss it or look for ways to heal.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Then that generation dies off and those behaviors having been
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: witnessed or either the younger generation under them is affected
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: by those behaviors due to trauma, then those behaviors get
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: passed down.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: You know, a clinical therapist a client that says, well,
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: that's the way we deal with that in my family.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: What would you do or what would you say to
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: help this person process what may have happened in their family,
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: especially something that has continuously traumatized the family over and
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: over or something that is continual to impact the family
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: over and over again.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, So if a person comes to a person like me,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: the first thing is that if you're coming to a
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: therapist or a peer support person or trauma inform code.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: If you're coming to a professional person, it is assumed
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: that you know that there is a problem, because that's
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: why you're coming to a person. So, yes, a person
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: may say, well, that's just the way it is in
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: my family, and that may be a very true statement,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: that that is the way it is in your family.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: But my question would be to that person, so tell
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: me why are you here? Why are you here? In
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: my office? We don't use we don't use the couch anymore.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: So when you hear me say why are you here
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: my couch, I just speak. I'm speaking in a literal sense.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: But so why are we here today? You know?
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: And then.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: I'm going to give a person an opportunity to talk
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: about some of the things that they have identified. Okay,
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: So that's the first and foremost is that, yes, a
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: person may say, well, that's just the way it is
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: in my family. But obviously you have identified that there
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: is a problem, that there's no sense of normalcy in
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: your family. And you're also saying to me that you
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: possibly want to do something, you want to do something
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: about out. You want you want the buck to stop here.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: You don't. You are the person that doesn't want the
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: trauma pass down to your children or to your grandchildren.
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: So that could be or would you say that could
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: be a form of coping.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: For that individual, because coping versus healing is definitely two
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: totally different things. So what's the difference between simply coping
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: with trauma and truly healing from trauma? Because just say
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: that same individual say to you, well, I'm coping with it,
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: but they may not truly heal from it.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: And that is true and and and and that's indicative
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: of of of most people. Uh, you know where you're
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: surviving and not thriving. Okay, our ultimate goal as human
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: beings is or should be, is for us to be thriving,
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: for us to be living. So there may be that
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: same individual who identifies they may not know what to
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: call it or how to define it, but they have
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: an understanding within themselves. I am not thriving. I'm just surviving.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I'm going through the motions of life. And I have
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: identified that, and I've also identified that someone needs to
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: be done about it, and I need, I personally need
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: some kind of help. And that's why that's why a
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: person like me would see somebody because they you know,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: they know that they need some kind of help. So
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: the difference between coping. So let me first say this,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: all of us cope. Okay, all of us cope. We
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: all have developed coping mechanism, you know, for example, a
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: coping mechanism. I was speaking with a colleague about this today.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: When a problem arisis Remember, trauma is depicted upon how
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: people respond to a stressful event. Right, So you may
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: be an individual that when stressful events happen, or traumatic
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: events happen, you may say, Okay, I'm gonna deal with it.
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: We call that fright or flight in therapy, meaning you
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: don't you don't address it, you don't you don't try
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: to look for the details of it, you don't try
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: to heal from it. You just say I realized it happens.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna keep it moving, yo, as they used
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: to say. Right, that's exampful of coping. And the thing
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: about that is that when you continue to cope in
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: that way after a war bile, you become a very
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: stoic person. A stoic person can appear to be a
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: person that is unfeeling, that is not empathetic or sympathetic.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Some people may phrase it as a person who is cold. Times,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: when people are labeled as being cold, it doesn't mean
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: that they're a cult individual. It means that maybe they
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: have had years and years of experiencing trauma and they
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: had to see what's gonna happen. Naturally with us as
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: human beings, We're gonna find a way to coke coping.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Everybody colts, we're gonna find a way to code. And
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: when you have been dealing with trauma after trauma after trauma, naturally,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: the brain says, hey, don't deal with it, okay, And
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: the next thing that comes up that looks like it
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: may be traumatic, you just throw it out. You just
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: don't deal with it. But after a while, it's going
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: to start to pile up, right, And when it starts
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: to pile up, okay, then it may come out. It
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: can come out in the form of anger that you
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: become the angry person. It may it may come You know,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: some of us in our families, we had that one
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: aunt who everybody says she was just mean, right, Well,
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: it's not necessarily she was a mean person, but we
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: don't know. Auntie may have dealt with or survived a
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: lot of different, you know, traumatic events, which is why
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: she learned how to put her guard up, and it
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: is now a coping coping mechanism. So sometimes when we
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: see certain behaviors, it's really how a person is coping. Okay,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: it is how It's how a person coping. So that's
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: what coping is. Healing healing looks like it doesn't affect
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: my ability to interact with people, to socialize with people,
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: and I'm at a level of peace in my mind
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: and in my heart and in my soul when we
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: come to a place of healing. And I have to
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: tell you that that's a little harder for women because
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: we we handle trauma differently because we are naturally receivers
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: and so we receive a lot. We are emotional being,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: so we receive a lot, and therefore we handle things
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: in a much you know, in a much different kind
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: of way. So that's basically to answer your question what
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: the difference is between coping and healing. But we all cope.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: Everybody coats, just a matter of whether or not you
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: are using cope unhealthy coping mechanisms or you're using healthy
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: coping mechanism. But everybody cults.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: We all hope to piggyback off of what you said
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: about the women. It's I feel as though it's also
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: that women have a different support system than men, sometimes easier.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: I don't want to use the word easier. I think
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: that sometimes we're more comfortable in reaching out and allowing
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: people to come in than some men. I won't say
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: all men, and I won't say all women, but I
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: find that to be some things that I've seen in
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: my history of Daleen in the field that I'm in now.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: Just imagine that someone a friend recognized when their friend
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: is surviving instead of living. Would you suggest, what do
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: you think it's best that they do an intervention for
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: this friend? Beore they just just be a part of
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: a support system by just listening and really not doing anything.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: I think it could be. I think it could be
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: either or, because when you talk about doing interventions, you
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: got to remember exactly what the word means is that
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: there's a group of people. I'm going to presume a
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: group of caring people who are a part of the
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: person's support system, and they now are gonna somewhat bum
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: rush the person, right I'm using Ladyman's terms here, or
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: they're going to intervene. I think that there can be
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: a good solution. You really have to weigh it out,
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: especially if it is a situation where that as a
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: result of trauma, the person is now self harming themself.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: What I mean by self harming, they're self mutilating, which
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: is cutting. That's a lot of young people, especially young girls,
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: they're abusing something that they're they're involved in selbstance abuse
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: or alcohol. So areas where they're physically self harming, Intervention
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: can or may be a very good thing. Intervention doesn't
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: have to be a very clinical situation. It could be
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: that a friend of you just got divorced and she
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: has some friends that are really concerned about her behavior
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: after the divorce, and they get together and have some
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: tea and say, hey, you know, because what intervention is
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: supposed to say. An intervention does not say we're here
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: to make you get better or do something or behave
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: in a certain way. Intervention clearly says we love you,
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: we have identified changes in your behavior, we are concerned,
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: and we want to know how can we help. That's
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: what intervention is supposed to do.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: We have an individual who said that she has been
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: called cold hearted and now she does agree with what
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: you're saying, or maybe what I said, but it's more
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: than likely than what you said. But I know that individual,
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: and when I'm gonna tell you myself, I don't think
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: that you're cold hearted. I think that you're directing some
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: people can't handle it. So just continue to be yourself.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: Don't worry about what other people are thinking. Maybe they
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: need to try to hold space for themselves before they
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: try to hold space for you.
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: So just keep doing you. Okay.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: You know, I've been accused of being harsh, you know,
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: and I think ninety five percent of the people who
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: know me and have interacted with me would definitely disagree
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: with me being personified as a harsh person. But I
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: also can understand how those individuals that would label me
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: as being harsh, I could see how they could get
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: they could come to that conclusion because it depending upon
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: the situation that it called for me to be stern
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: in that situation. And what happens is now I want
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: to give two sides to this. So what happens is
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: that for the individual that does not care for you
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: being sterned because they just do not want to accept
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: or hear the truth, well then and that you're gonna
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: be labeled as being harsh. I mean, that's just flat
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: out it's truth. You're gonna be labeled as being harsh. However,
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: I try to be objective in my approach because here's
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: the thing. Have I always been you know, Have I
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: always dealt with situations in my life as maturely as
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: I deal with them now? No, I have not, not
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: even with my own children. So through maturity we learn
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: how to handle people, how to manage people, how to
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: manage things, especially when you're a mom, a single mom.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: You've got little kids and big kids, and you've got life,
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: you've got jobs. The truth of the matter is, you
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: just might catch me on the wrong day. It's okay
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: to not be okay, okay, But what healthy people do.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: It's not that because you're an emotionally healthy person that
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: you will not have those times. But emotionally healthy people
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: are able to identify that, hey, today I am not
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: in a good space. Perhaps I spoke spoke prematurely that
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: kind of thing, and they will go back and say, listen,
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: I know when I said this to you, I may
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: have said that a bit prematurely. I did mean what
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: I said, but I didn't want to say in the
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: manner that I've said it, and they're going to do
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: it that way because they're doing that for them, they're
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: doing it for you for yourself. So of course there's
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: kind of two sizes of things. Of course, when I
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: was younger, coming straight from Brooklyn, New York, I was
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: not I was not as genteel as a person that
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: I am, because your environment has a lot to do
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: with the way that you respond to things. I don't.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I hope there's no New Yorkers here on the call,
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: but I will say your demographic area where you were
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: raised up, if you're from New York. We have a
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: tendency to be quick and to the point and not
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: to hold out of detail, and that can be that
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: can appear to be abrasive to some people. When I
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: moved here to the South, I found that people moved
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: a little slower, they talked a little slower, they were
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: a little bit more calm, and honestly, when I first
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: moved to the South, I was like, what's up with
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: these people? You know what I'm saying because we used
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: to say, you know, just speaking directly. So I think
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: communication is very important. I've had conversations with friends for
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: friends of mine who are suthing bred and I had
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: to explain to them from what culture I came from,
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: and they explained to me what culture they came from.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: So communication is always going to be the key before
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: we assumed. Because here's the thing that I found with women,
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: especially with is that you flat out don't know my
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: story before you label me. You don't know my story,
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: and you don't know where I've been and how I've
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: been and why I've been, And so it's quick to
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: label people when you don't know their story. As a diaspora,
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: that happens to us on a large scale because we
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: get accused of things and we have certain behaviors and
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: we're labeled. But you don't know my story, or you
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: don't understand my story, or in these or in most cases,
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: you don't care about my story. There is a reason
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: why black folks act the way that they act. We're
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: not trying to make excuses for people's behavior. That's not
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying here tonight. I am saying, though, that
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: people just do not wake up one morning and decide, hey,
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be on drugs. It's gonna be a great
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: day to be on drugs. Hey I'm gonna just be
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: an alcoholic. This is a great day to be an alcoholic.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: You know, people don't wake up in the morning and
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: decide to do those things. There is a story behind
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: why they manage their pain in the way that they
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: have chosen to manage their pain. And I will say
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: this and then I'll pull them out. And some people
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: handle or manage their pain. It has a lot to
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: do with how society, how community, and how family manages
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: that person as to why that individual sometimes continues to
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: stay in pain. Same thing has happened to us as
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: a diaspora. The oppressor who oppressed us now is wondering
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: why are we acting the way that we do? Really,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: so it's something for us to just want to throw
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: that in there, something for us to think about it.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: And I want to piggyback off of two things that
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: you said. I'm also from New York and I've gotten
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: that same thing from several people, and yes we are.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: And I'm not saying anybody else from any other state
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: is slow or anything else, but I'm gonna speak for me.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: I'm quick with it no matter what it is.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: And when we quit with it, and I'm going to
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: get it over it and move it on because I
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: don't have time to sit there and explain or train
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: you to anything, so I just let that go. I
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: also agree with that it's okay to not be okay,
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: but it's not okay to stay that way, and that
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: that's what I normally tell people. But we have some
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: people who chimed in. Terreeda says that she agrees with
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: both of us, thank you, Trevida, and she's also says
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: that they would usually say it after she put a
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: boundary in place that she refused to move and from
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: the Crew podcast, they're saying some people just can't deal
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: with truth, especially when it comes with corrections. They go
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: on further to state that, let me go down a
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: little bit further wow, that some people get comfortable and
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: mess and become content with where they are, and the
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: truth sometimes takes them out their comfort zone. And if
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: you are bold and direct, some people can can and
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: will take it the wrong way. She truly agrees with
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: the communication is key one hundred percent.
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: And that.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: She says, come on, doctor c you speaking some straight facts.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: Javita says, there's a trick that leads to that decision
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: and and and I I agree wholeheartedly with with you all,
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: especially with what doctor Carolyn is saying about individuals. We
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: carry the weight of so many different things and so
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: many different things from our ancestors. How can we begin
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: to identify pain or emotional baggage that's no longer hours
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: to carry?
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, So that's no longer hours to carry. Wow, that's
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: a and that's a heavy question because a lot of
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: times we are carrying baggage that doesn't have our name
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: on it. But the first thing we have to do,
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: and always you're always going to hear me say this
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: as a clinician, identify an issue is the most important part.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it takes it takes months for me to help
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: a client to be able to identify the issue. So
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: the first thing we have to do is that we
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: have to identify and we have to be related to
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: your question. We have to identify my stuff your stuff.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: You know what was mine and what was you it
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: was yours? Okay. Once we kind of identify that and
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: then put and then put them in the buckets that
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: they belong and this is my stuff, this is your stuff,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: then we have to start to ask ourselves some real
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: hard questions. Do I need to be only your stuff,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: So I help people out with that. The answer is known,
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: because that's why it's called your stuff and my stuff
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: a period. Right, Okay, Now, if if I love you
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: and i'm and I'm connected with you, I'm gonna put
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: sample use a mother and children, a husband and wife,
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: or a person in a partner, what have you. Then
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be affected by your stuff. I'm gonna be
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: affected by your stuff. And because I'm affected by your stuff,
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: your baggage, there's a certain amount of that that every
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: now and then I might, I might carry it, but
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: we have to be real careful about, I would say,
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: about the way that we carry it. So I'm gonna
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: shift here just a little bit. Because I am a
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: spiritual person. I'm not a religious person, but I am
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: a spiritual person. I believe that the best way to
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: deal with somebody else's baggage, once we identify my stuff,
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: your stuff, they stuff, right, is, first of all, the
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: prayer is the way that I'm going to manage somebody
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: else's baggage, because that don't belong to me, and I can't.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: I can't carry somebody else's baggage, but I know somebody
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: who can, and his name will be called Jesus Christ.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: He can carry all the load. We are not Jesus Christ,
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: all right, And we don't carry other people's law. Sometimes
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: we just carry other people's stuff because we don't want
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: to deal with our own stuff. And so it's easier
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: for me to carry your stuff and manage your stuff
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: and deal with your stuff because it takes me out
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: of the rim of having to deal with my own
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: problems and my own baggage in my own situation. And
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: so it's nothing wrong with saying to yourself and even
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: sending out the memo. They're saying, I have enough of
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: my own to handle, and I do not have the
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: bandwidth to manage your baggage and my baggage. So here's
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: what I'm going to say to you, and whatever that
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: something may have to be.
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: There seems to be a lot of resilience with individuals
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: who carry on a lot of the weight of others.
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: And for that individuals.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: Carrying the weight, sometimes it appears that there's very little
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: hope that they continue to push forward. How do you
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: see resilience not as perfection, but as the power that
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: grows from our scars?
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: Well, and again, y'all y'all hear me say that a lot,
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: and I'm glad that I'm on a platform where i
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: am free to say that. So first to answer, you
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: address your question culturally, and this is a this is
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: a fact. Is this isn't from doctor Carroll's head or
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: because of what I wanted to be of my opinion. Uh,
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: the Africans and the talk about Africans. We talk about
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: black people, right, we are by far the most resilient
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: of culture. That our other cultures will say the same thing.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: We are the most resilient. Okay, women ask a subculture
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: in the African diaspora. We are very resilient creatures because
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: we've had to be, because we've had to be. I
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: feel like I want to shift here and say this
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: is black if I if I could somebody viewing audience,
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: you may.
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: Be a person that the family.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: Has always accused you of everything whatever they could think
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: of to accuse you of. And but you have always
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: had to be the most resilient person in your family, right,
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: You've had to be the one that carries a lot
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: of the load of the of the family. And you know,
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: for that reason, you may just get accused of a
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: lot of things that they may not have anything to
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: do with you know, with that, but because you have
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: been identified as the nucleus of the family, the person
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: who is the strength or strong in the family. And
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: so I would say to you, if you are that person,
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: it's okay for you to give yourself a break, It's
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: okay for you to set boundaries, and it's definitely okay
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: for you to begin to find a support system that
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: may not be part of your family, because, honestly, sometimes
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: family may be the problem. So you may have to
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: go outside of family in order to get the support
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: that you need. Which is how we are we can
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: continue being resilient is through doing the self care or
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: do what I call the soul work. It's through having
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: a good support system that helps you to maintain, that
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: helps you to stay strong, that helps you to thrive,
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: not just survive. That support system that tells you, hey girl,
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: go give yourself a break, Go get your nails done
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: or your hair done, whatever that looks like. That support
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: system that does not require that you always have to
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: be strong. I tell people that I love you don't
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: have to be anything. When it comes to me. All
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: you have to do is wake up in the morning,
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: and just be. And that is really what love is
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: supposed to look like. We're not supposed to be impending
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: and putting a lot of expectations on people, because we
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: never know if you keep putting expectations on a person
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: and keep putting them on, and keep putting them on,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: and keep putting them on, and keep putting them on
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: until one day the whole bowl breaks. Right, you got
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: too much impounding on it. So what did you do?
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: You don't allow yourself to.
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: Get here and here and here and here and here.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: At some point you need to holler and tell somebody, hey,
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: I got to stop here. So I think you mentioned
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: that there was somebody who said they set boundaries. Yes,
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: you need to set boundaries when you feel yourself you're.
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: Getting on over, you need to.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: She also states that she completely agrees with that, and
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: that she did the inventory of what things that she
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: was carrying that wasn't hers, and the weight that was
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: hers she lifted that it was lifted off for her.
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: She gave it to God for him to help to
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: help them handle it. So yeah, I I can't say
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: it any better way than she she said it, and
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: in any better way than you have spoken it. Give
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: yourself permission. To give yourself permission, is what I would
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: say to anyone who's who's trying. Are the everyday practices
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: that can help us build emotional resilience.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: Absolutely to build emotional resistance, give yourself time, give yourself,
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: give yourself me time. So for me, me time looks
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: like when I wake up in the morning, I have
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: a morning visual which consists of drinking a bottle of water.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: That's very important. Drink a bottle of water, pray, meditate,
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: and either do some kind of affirmations or inspiration. When
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: I'm spending that time in the morning, I'm not going
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: to answer the phone. I'm not gonna connect with anybody.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna speak with anybody because it's my time.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: And the reason why I say that's very important because
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: it used to be a time that as soon as
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: I hit my brain, it looked like as soon as
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: I wake up, people just knew to call me, you know,
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: like the what does that tell it? It's something I
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: forget what they call that, but I don't allow it. Yeah,
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: that's what I mean. So I don't allow that. What
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: I do is if I give myself permission to give
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: me time, that's the first thing I would say, give
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: yourself time. I also have a me day. Hey, I
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: give myself what's called me Monday. I have to credit
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: that to a very wise older woman who told me that.
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: I needed to do that.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: So I have a day that I designate for myself.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I follow it, sometimes I don't. It's to day
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: that I to do whatever does I want to do? Okay,
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: So give yourself time, give yourself permission to love yourself.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: And I know that that may sound a little strange
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: because most people would say, oh, oh, I love myself. Well,
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: then I'll leave you with this question and I'll leave
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: it blank. If you love yourself, why are you? And
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: I'll leave it right there. If you love yourself, why
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: are you? You? See? So that's why I say, give
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: yourself permission to love yourself. Give yourself permission to have space.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: And somebody does not always have to be in your space.
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: And whatever that looks like, whatever that looks like. I
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: am finding now that my life is very busy, and
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: so it's requiring that I utilize tools now in order
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: to manage my time. That may be in the formum
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: an insistent that may be an inform of a business
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: number and a personal number, and the people that love
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: me are not going to get mad. Oh, well, she
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: thinks she's somebody because now she has an assistant answering
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: the phone on. Now she has a well, yes, ma'am,
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: I do. And the real truth of this, yes, I
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: always thought I was somebody. For the people that would say, well,
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: you're full of yourself, my response is yes, I am very,
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: very very full to the brim of myself because I
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: love myself. So kind of practice doing things like that
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: and loving yourself and strengthening yourself on a daily basis,
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: whether that's doing affirmations, through doing breath work, through meditation,
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: deep breathing, all of those things fortify you as a person.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: But you must give yourself the time in the day
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: to work on you, to work on yourself, and that
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: is okay. And if you have to tell people, listen, girl,
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: don't call me until after ten o'clock, it's okay to
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: do that because that way they understand from the time
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: I wake up until nine fifty five, that's my time,
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: and I don't want to share it with anybody. I
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: want to give me that time. And I would tell
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: you for my own personal life I think that that
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: would be a very valuable step in building and building resilience.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: Yes, so those are some of those practical tools, which
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: will also include journal in, taking de breaks, the affirmations
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: that you had mentioned. So that's some places that people
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: can start. I also want to say lessens to you too, Simon,
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: thank you so much for chiming in. So the support
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: systems when individuals are navigating trauma or life's as these,
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: support is essential. How vital is a strong support system
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: in the healing process.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: The healing process can't be done without a support system.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: It cannot even be done without a support system. You
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: have to have. So, when I'm dealing with a person
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: who is going through a crisis, we have identified that
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: there is an emergency situation that has happened or a
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: traumatic event that has happened that has impaired the person's
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: ability to be able to function or process on a
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: regular basis based on our definition of trauma. Okay, then
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: one of them. So here's the thing for those of
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: us who we have that person. We're not talking about
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: ourselves here, but we have that person who is now
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: experiencing a crisis. The worst thing that we can do
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: is saye for exactamp or say, oh my god, Trevida,
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: how did you get yourself in that mess? Well, girl,
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: what happened? Well why did you? That is the worst
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: thing that we can do because that we now put
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: that person on overload. What we want to do in
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: a crisis situation is get them out of crisis mode.
• 49:19
  Speaker 4: That's what we want to do.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: So to your question, some of the things we want
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: to ask, Okay, who do you have that's willing to
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: support you during this time? Because now we want to
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: help them set up a support system. There's lots of
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: people that I have that will say I don't have nobody.
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: That's part of the problem. I don't have nobody. So
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: I take them through a series of questions to really
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: identify that you don't have nobody. Okay, but if you
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: really say you don't have nobody, then we want to
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: find you somebody. And the thing about setting up a
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: support system, everybody on team doesn't have to do the same.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: It depends on the person. It depends on the ability
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: of that person on the support team, what resources are
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: available to them. So it could be the person said
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: that may not have time, but they can give money.
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: It may be the person that has time but they
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: don't have no money, so they can call that person.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: They can go buy and check up on that person.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: It may be the person who likes to cook and says,
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: I can go buy and bring them a meal. It
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: may be the person who's good at finding resources and
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: they can say I can find some clothes, I can
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: find Everybody has their part that they can play, but
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: sometimes we have to help a person build a team.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: And then let me tell you the most important question
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: and on this, when you find yourself in a crisis,
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: don't do it alone because you can't heal alone. It
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: is okay. It is okay to tell some people who
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: you trust. Now it has to be people you trust. Hey,
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: it's me. Listen, I have a challenge that I'm going
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: through and how much of that information you can to
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: develop it's totally up to you. And I would like
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: to know would you be my support person through this?
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: And yes or no?
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: When you answer that type of help, it's not a
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: form of weakness. I want you to know that it's
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: one of the strengths that you may not have known
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: that you had or along. You know, asking for help
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: is not a cowardy thing. To do. You know, it's
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: the beginning of your journey when you start to ask
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: others for help and you'll see that they're there for you.
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: Sometimes some people don't know what to say or how
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: to say it because their feeling as though that they
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: will offend. But just simply ask them for the help.
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: Tell them, look, I'm not in a good space right
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: now and I may need your support.
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: And it does.
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: It sounds a lot easier coming probably from someone else,
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: but you try it, and you can practice it every
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: day by asking different people that you support that's in
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: your your support family, you'll start to build on that
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: and you'll be surprised that the people that you thought
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: was not part of your support system, they're there and
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: they want to help. So what role do faith, culture
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: and chosen family? And I use chosen family loosely because
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: some people say you can't choose your family. You can't
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: answer you and choose your family. What role do they
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: play in support in the health journey?
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: Well, all those, all those different factors play a very
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: important role in healing some of the questions and I
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: and I ask all those questions when I'm on my
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: journey with the person I like to refer to therapy
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: as a journey. So when you hear me, say on
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: the journey, and I will ask them, you know, of
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: what is your level of faith? Where are you spiritually?
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not asking them what religion they are, but of
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: course they may tell me, but where are you spiritually?
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: Because what we wanted to determine is that what role
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: does faith have in your life? So from that, if
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: you are part of a faith based community, a church,
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: a synagogue, a mosque, right, then the suggestion would be
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: perhaps someone in the faith based community that you ascribe
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: to could be part of your support system. And that's
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: going to be very important. I know it is for me.
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: You know, lots of times if I need support, especially
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: because I give out emotionally, so sometimes I need emotional support,
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: I may turn to the faith based community as I
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: know it and say, hey, I just need for you
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: all to pray for me.
• 54:08
  Speaker 4: Okay?
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: That kind of thing. Culturally, yes, of course, within your community,
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: whether that's gonna be a community center, whether that's a
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: social worker that you that you have grown found of
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: or in a relationship with it that she knows or
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: he knows you you know them, or whatever that may
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: look like. Socially for you. The community could play a
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: great part in your healing by simply offering resources. You know,
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: it could be that. So all those people that you mentioned, h,
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: I would say, they're all needed. Uh, because if we
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: talk about holistic wellness, uh, then we must embark upon
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: integrated health, meaning that we need a team of people.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: It takes a team to be able to help a
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: person an our crisis. So yeah, team work.
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: D D says God bless you with the tribe for
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: a reason. Love it, DEDI, thank you so much for
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: chiming in, and Travida comes back to say, God connects us,
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: connects us those who bring us closer to Him and
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: the purpose that aligns with our destiny. You guys are
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: so one point, and you're definitely paying attention tonight and
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: you're definitely dropping so many nuggets for other listeners and viewers,
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: some who may not feel as though that they can
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: come forward or feel as though that's not me. You're
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: not talking about me, But look within yourself, it might
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: just be you. You might find somebody in there that
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: may just surprise you, somebody that you haven't seen or
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: heard from a long time. They're there, They just They're
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: just there, They're just waiting for you. Okay, So I
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: just want to thank everyone everyone. Tonight we unpack the
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: weight we carry and what it means to begin to
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: work of letting go is Doctor Stevens reminded us our
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: scars may tell the story of what we've been through,
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: but they also prove that we survive, and survival is
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: the strength we carry. As you move through this week,
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: I ask yourself this, what emotional weight are you still
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: carrying that no longer serves you? The weight that you're
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: carrying at someone else, the weight that you're carrying that
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: no longer serves you.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to.
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: Miss part three of our mental health series with doctor
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: Carolyn Stevens on October twenty first, where we move from
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: surviving to thriving and we define what true strength looks like.
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: But first join me on Thursday, October to seventeenth at
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: eight pm as we welcome author and dynamic poet Keisha
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: john Say McRae for a conversation you won't want to miss.
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: As always, thanks for keeping it basic.
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: No