Latest / ShameOver - The Drink Less Podcast / From Rock Bottom to Recovery: An Alcohol Addiction Story of Sight Loss, Sobriety & Second Chances
Transcript
- Erica+ShameOver: Hey everyone, welcome back to Shameover. I'm your host, Eric Mallory, and today's conversation is one that I'm still sitting with. My guest is named Alex. He is founder of Clarity Circle, which is actually based across the pond in the UK. And Alex's story starts with something that he never saw coming. It was a mysterious loss of vision, still terrifying to hear his story. And it nearly took his sight completely. The way he coped, though, was by numbing everything with alcohol. Until it spiraled into something he almost didn't survive. This episode is raw. It's about rock bottom and about a 17-year-old son who said exactly the right thing at exactly the right moment. And this is also about what it actually looks like to be brave enough to be vulnerable. If you've ever felt like your secret is too big to say out loud, then this one's for you. Let's dive in. Hey everyone, welcome back to Shame Over. I am very excited for the conversation alex: you Erica+ShameOver: today with Alex with Clarity Circle. So Alex, thank you for being here. alex: Yeah, well, to be honest, from one side of the pond to the other, it's amazing. It's amazing. Thank so much for having me. Erica+ShameOver: Yes! alex: I just got to like chat to you little bit before we started and I love everything that you've been doing. I Erica+ShameOver: Thank you. alex: think the most powerful bit for me is that we joined up on the prevention, not cure piece. And I think that was the bit that really resonated and touched me when we Erica+ShameOver: Hmm. alex: were just having a conversation off air before. Because everything that I do these days is all about trying to help with prevention, trying to showcase, the light and to guide, you know, people in whatever, whatever I think it may be. Let's call it a thing. Let's call it a thing Erica+ShameOver: Yeah, exactly. alex: because mental health can be a thing, can't it? It can be a very, it's not... It's not one size fits all, that's for sure. And all of us need different sort of help in different ways at different times. And it could be from simple guidance. It could be, you know, from actually one-on-one sessions. It could be a little bit of inspiration. It could be learning to go and step out of your comfort zone and go into a few different events or a few different things and connecting with different groups. And, you know, it's whatever works for that person. Erica+ShameOver: Yes. alex: And my biggest belief is it's all about empowerment. So it's about empowering individuals to actually try, test and find what works for them. Because these are all the Erica+ShameOver: Yes. alex: things that I didn't do, that I couldn't do, that I didn't have any idea of. Yeah, and that didn't exactly help my life, shall we say. Erica+ShameOver: Yeah. No, I love that. Empower. To me, empowerment is kind of what I feel like my whole purpose here on this earth is, for that simple word, because I feel like we give away our power so often and way too easily and just trying different things. And it's so much about self-awareness and getting to know like who we are. And some of that is going to be failing. Some of it is going to be doing things that you're like, I hated that. That wasn't fun. And that's okay. But you tried it, now you know, do something else, you know. alex: Yeah, yeah, and you're so right. It's about getting to know yourself because I got to the age of 42 without actually knowing who Alex was or without actually knowing what did Alex like? What does Alex really enjoy? What does Alex, because Alex just spent his life looking after absolutely everybody else and trying to make everybody else happy, thinking that if I could make everybody else happy, that I would be happy. satellite doesn't quite wear well though. Erica+ShameOver: Yes, my god. Well, even though it took till 42 to start, some people go their whole lives and never get there. know, age is but a number. alex: Exactly, exactly. I describe it as my second coming. It's like my chance to go again. It is, and it's my second opportunity. I may as well have a good game second time round, don't I? Erica+ShameOver: Exactly. So who is Alex? alex: Okay, so where do we start? So Alex is, I would describe myself as probably a serial entrepreneur. I have had a multitude of different businesses over the last 25 years. I've always been quite successful, very driven, very focused, very, I've probably got lots of different. you know, of different Erica+ShameOver: Yes. alex: things. definitely on spectrums in different ways, but I'm very, very 500 miles an hour, you know, and I get lots and lots done. And I guess everything was sort of bumbling along, you know, as it does, and, you know, life was hectic, life was busy, and everything was, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't perfect, but it was up and down, up and down, up and down. And my probably biggest challenge came when around about eight years ago, I started having some problems with my sight, which came from nowhere. And I Erica+ShameOver: Really? alex: spent five years or three, four, four years going to London, Manchester, Liverpool, I had the top doctors in London all queue up to have a look at my problems in my eyes. I seven different doctors queue up to have a look because apparently I was an anomaly. was something that I had a little bit of everything, but I to this day still have no diagnosis as to what has caused my problems. long story short over about Six years ago now, I lost 95 % sight in my left eye. And about four years ago, I was actually preparing to go fully blind. So I was beginning to get voice recognition put on my phone. was beginning to get voice recognition put on my computer, everything. So I was basically on that journey of, and it was a scary place. It was a scary place. But I was an old fashioned. like, as I call it, an old-fashioned guy and I grew up not speaking about my feelings, not speaking about my emotions, not knowing what to do, pretending and using humour to run away from everything, to blocking everything out and to pretending that nothing was going on and I decided probably the best solution I could find was to become an alcoholic. Erica+ShameOver: Mmm. alex: Because it was escapism. It was escapism Erica+ShameOver: Yeah. alex: and it was an easy way of, I say easy, that's not the right word. It was a way of numbing those feelings, those thoughts. And it was, you know, what started with, I would describe it as medicinal, of just a little bit of numbing needed, then obviously progressed on to... the volumes needed more, then obviously it became onto an actual bodily need of Erica+ShameOver: Hmm. alex: having withdrawals and actually needing the alcohol. Yeah, and I got myself into a real mess. we say a real mess? To the point where at the end I was probably drinking a litre bottle of vodka and four or five bottles of wine each day, constantly, know, every single day. And then obviously came some recreational drugs and, you know, all the rest of it, because it was nothing was ever enough, nothing was ever enough. then it Erica+ShameOver: Sure, exactly. alex: was like gambling creeped in, then, you know, it's just like such a spiral. And I've got myself to the real end of the road where I just didn't care if I was here or not anymore. And I felt like every single person would have been better off without me being here. And I felt I had no self-worth. had, yeah, I had nothing. I literally felt I had nothing. And the reality was I still had everything. You know, I still had everything. And it took me being with my son sat on my parents drive and at that time I was 42 and he was 17 and he turned round to me and said, dad you still need your parents I am 17 years old and I need you for the rest of my life and it was Erica+ShameOver: Mm. alex: just my heart sunk and that was the day before I went back into my final rehab and as we sit here today and three years, 10 months clean and sober. Yeah, and it's bizarre that I couldn't do it for myself at that moment. But Erica+ShameOver: more. alex: as soon as I knew that I had a purpose in the fact that my son needed me, I was able to focus on that. And because I could see his worth, see his value and see Erica+ShameOver: Yeah. alex: what I needed to do for him, it gave me the inspiration to turn it around. But those couple of years were not the best years of my life, shall we say. Erica+ShameOver: Yeah, absolutely. How incredible for a 17 year old to be able to have that conversation. mean, that's, he sounds very, very wise alex: We have about a million more television stations. Erica+ShameOver: because that is obviously not something a lot of 17 year olds could do. alex: No, and yeah, I genuinely say that I went upstairs, I actually genuinely believe this, that I went upstairs and he looked at me and went, no, you're not coming yet. You're not coming yet. Go and do something for the greater good and go and put your crazy overworking to something good. Go and basically do something with purpose. And yeah. That's how I describe it, I got sent back to do something for a purpose instead of, you know, my whole ethos, my whole life has changed like 360, the whole... what I want from life and what I get real joy and purpose from and what actually really makes me tick and really makes me happy and you know, helping other people and you know, just doing some nice stuff and being part of great communities and seeing other people do nice stuff and supporting each other, uplifting each other, genuine people. There is so many great people out there that sometimes we can be... We can have our own minds going, what would other people think if I went and did that? I can't do that. That's not for me. And I have literally spent the last three and a half years stepping out of my comfort zone, going and trying different things. Yoga, equine therapy, sound baths, ice baths. Literally, you name it, I've probably done it. over the last three and half years and I am literally going and trying coffee raves at seven in the morning. I'll Erica+ShameOver: Ooh, that sounds right up my alley as I'm drinking a double espresso. alex: be honest, they've been amazing. I was in one in London a couple of weeks ago and there was 400 people there at seven o'clock in the morning, seven till eight o'clock in the morning, drummers, DJs, 400 people Erica+ShameOver: I hope I get help. alex: dancing for an hour. The room was absolutely amazing. The energy was fabulous. And it just shows that there is so much choice and there is so much opportunity to find different things that basically empower you as an Erica+ShameOver: Yes. alex: individual. And it's not about being told what to do. It's not about because something works for someone else, it's going to work for you. It's like, well, actually, who are you? What do you like? If you're not sure, go and try loads of stuff. Go Erica+ShameOver: is. alex: and try loads of stuff and find out what you actually do like. Because some of the stuff I've done, I won't do again. And that's okay. You know, but some of the stuff Erica+ShameOver: Exactly, yes! alex: that I've and that's okay. But some of the stuff that I've been trying and doing, I will continue to do because I absolutely love it. And I think it's amazing. But I think probably I've had to change my mindset and be a lot more open, know, Erica+ShameOver: Yes. alex: not closed, not closed to trying things, not have a preconception over what something's going to be like. And Erica+ShameOver: Totally. alex: yeah, it's that mindset shift of not going into something with, I've already decided that this is going to be like this and this is going to happen and then that's going to happen. So there's no point. So there's no point. Erica+ShameOver: Yes. Well, and mindset is, as we both know, so key, especially with alcohol, because like, so much of it is a decision. if you it's, I say it's the difference between wanting to change and committing to change. Cause when you commit there, it's non-negotiable. Like you're committed, you're in it. You know that, yeah, it's not going to be a hundred percent every single time, but you're like, you're in it. If you want to, like we, we all want stuff. We want to win the lottery. Like, you know, that's there, but. Do you want it or are committed to it? It's a very, very fine line, but a huge difference. alex: yeah, and to be fair, just like you advocate, I always say everything in life is about a balance. Everything is about a balance. And you know, when you speak about my recovery and people say to me, well, you know, what do think I should be like with alcohol? I said, that's not my decision. It's your Erica+ShameOver: Exactly. alex: decision. The only thing I always say to people is ask yourself the question. Do you have a good relationship with alcohol? Are you a good drinker? Are you a good drinker or are you one of the good drinkers that can go have a few drinks, have a lovely evening, go home when you decide that that is the right time and, you know, don't wake up and feel like you've got to drink the next day and, you know, all the rest of it? Or do you go out, binge drink? Do you forget what you've done? Do you wake up with anxiety? Do you, you know, bring all your friends and go, my God, what did I say? What did I do? Who were we with? And it's those be truthful and be real about it. And that's the biggest difference, isn't it? Erica+ShameOver: Absolutely. And I know we talked a little bit before this, but I am a very big believer. I'm the same that you know if alcohol is for you or not. Like, I am the first one to admit that moderation is not for everyone. You know, there's plenty of people in my life and I'm like, you should never drink again. And that's okay. But there are also people who can work on that relationship. And like you said, find that balance. But a big part alex: you Erica+ShameOver: of it is that self-awareness and really knowing yourself and being truthful. because sometimes it does mean, you do have to for a period of time or you do need to stop altogether. But if you're not the one making that decision, regardless of what the decision is, it's not going to stay. alex: Yeah, yeah. And then it's about, for me, I think one of the hardest battles mentally I faced was when I first came into recovery, I worried what would other people think? What Erica+ShameOver: yeah. alex: would the judgment be? What would basically, what's everybody going to think of me? You everybody's going to think I'm on a park bench on this. I'm like an absolute mess. So I had this battle in my head as to what I was going to do. And I decided to take the power away from it. So I Erica+ShameOver: Mm. alex: went into the office and I wrote to every single one of my clients and anybody that I'd worked with. And I posted it out on social media basically. And I told my story. I said, I am an alcoholic and I am now recovering. And basically, because I was brave enough to be vulnerable, and that was the key to it, being brave enough. you know, to be vulnerable. I got so many messages of support, so many Erica+ShameOver: Hmm. alex: people coming back relating to it, so many people telling me their own family members, their own parents, their own, you know, who had been affected by everything. And it was the being brave to be vulnerable actually gave everyone else the safe space to actually share back to you. And it was so powerful. Erica+ShameOver: Alex, thank you so much for trusting us with your story. And if there's one thing that I want you all to take from this episode, it's that there is no shame in reaching the end of what you carry alone. Being brave enough to be vulnerable is exactly the thing that hands other people permission to do the same. So in our next episode, Alex and I are going to get into the practical side. We're talking the daily, unglamorous, yes, work of staying balanced. the non-negotiables that he swears by, I'll probably share mine too, and a mindset shift that might actually change how you think about willpower altogether. So un until we see you next time, drink less, drink on purpose, and cheers. you feel like things are just insane right now, you're overstimulated, over everything, completely dysregulated by all of life going on with back to school, with summer going into fall, all of that stuff, you're definitely not alone. I do something called self-tember every single year. I look forward to it so much. My body literally craves it. And it is a month to really just focus on number one. Now, this is not adding more to your to-do list. I know you already have so much there and you're definitely not on it. I can say that from my own personal experience. But this is about picking one thing. I go with you really deep so that you can focus on it and build these lasting habits that will not only change throughout your September, but from here on out. So if you are interested, I will provide the link in the show notes. Please check out self-temper and join us if you're not sure about it. You definitely should join. That's the that's your body's way of saying yes, yes, please. besides that, anything coming up, lower October, and then hangover free holidays will be following after that. So if you really want to find a healthier relationship, not only with alcohol, but yourself, there's so much to look forward to. So I hope to see you on the inside. Cheers.